/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.22767378]

>You need to touch the flames, to alighten your heart anew. You cannot forge yourself in your true form without fires of vice. Oh, but be careful, those flames can crack even the mightiest of blades tempered not with principles. Oh flame, my dear flame.

I wrote this as an excuse to do drugs. What do you think

[Anonymous No.22767689]

>>22767378
>to alighten your heart anew.
Grammatically incorrect.
To 'alight' is to get off a train.
To 'lighten' is to reduce the weight of something.
The correct word to use is 'light'.
>You cannot forge yourself in your true form
Clumsy wording. "Reforge your true form" seems more succinct whilst conserving the meaning.
>without fires of vice
Without *'the'* fires of vice, surely. Definite article.
>Oh, but be careful, those flames can crack even the mightiest of blades tempered not with principles.
'Oh, but beware the flame, you of untempered steel.'
Why did I change that? Because I don't like the way you did it.
>I wrote this as an excuse to do drugs.
You are a gay retard.

[Anonymous No.22767718]

>>22767378
>>22767689
>>to alighten your heart anew.
>Grammatically incorrect.
Both are correct, sharing similar etymologies, but OP's usage was probably possibly influenced by the Latin 'illuminare'. Both trace to the Middle English 'alighten' and Old English 'alihtan', both of which have this dual meaning we are discussing.

>>You cannot forge yourself in your true form
>Clumsy wording. "Reforge your true form" seems more succinct whilst conserving the meaning.
Agreed. It's the assonance. I would suggest: 'You cannot forge yourself without *the* fires of vice.'

>>Oh, but be careful, those flames can crack even the mightiest of blades tempered not with principles.
>'Oh, but beware the flame, you of untempered steel.'
I would cut it down even further. "Beware the flame, you untempered steel."

>>I wrote this as an excuse to do drugs.
>You are a gay retard.
Don't be mean. He's just a lost degenerate in this fallen world of ours.

How about this OP: You create a dialogue between the flame and the steel, because I don't think the flame wins.

[Anonymous No.22767792]

>>22767718
>>22767689
Thanks for the advice guys. My sides were fucked reading these. I would like for you to know that english isnt my native tongue.
>You create a dialogue between the flame and the steel, because I don't think the flame wins.
Oh, the fire wins. There is always a bigger flame unless you are Jesus or something.

It will be forged, this steel of mine, but there are flames even i dont dare approach. Like heroin. Or women.

[Anonymous No.22767796]

>>22767378
Are you the anon that said some shit like
>those who are ken by fires etc
In another thread?
Thats midwit slop

[Anonymous No.22767848]

>>22767796
You got me. My understanding of that quote is that in order to be in control of your life, you must be familiar with, but not consumed by all of the obsessions of life. Its just something i came up with while benching 3pl8 in gym(got there in only 14 months!!!! OoO), and i like to hear your anons oppinions

[Anonymous No.22768266]

>>22767792
>Oh, the fire wins. There is always a bigger flame...
The flame does nothing but consume and leave ashes. The steel, however, builds. It creates the very thing which fire can destroy. What is the flame without the steel? Can it burn that which is not there? Flames are contingent -- they need the steel, the wood, the brick etc. to be destructive. But it can never build. In fact, if steel harnesses the flame, it controls and contains it, makes it a tool to be used for the sake of steel (think about a blowtorch, which is steel that contains the flame).

>I would like for you to know that english isnt my native tongue.
English was Joseph Conrad's third language, and Nabakov's third language. There is no excuse. You just get better with practice.

>>22767848
Have you read 'Sun and Steel'?

[Anonymous No.22769593]

>>22768266
>Have you read 'Sun and Steel'?
I heard somewhwre that the writer is gay, so no

[Anonymous No.22769639]

>>22767378
>to alighten

[Anonymous No.22769658]

elon is literally getting the complete friend of israel treatment right now with people giving him shit to think of the war

[Anonymous No.22770915]

>>22767378
Read all this in Father Ariandel's voice.

[Anonymous No.22771153]

>>22770915
kek