/wg/ Writing General

[Anonymous No.22617780]

The "fangirl" edition

Previous: >>22606175

/wg/ AUTHORS & FLASH FICTION: https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ
RESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONS: https://pastebin.com/nFxdiQvC

Please limit excerpts to one post.
Give advice as much as you receive it to the best of your ability.
Follow prompts made below and discuss written works for practice; contribute and you shall receive.
If you have not performed a cursory proofread, do not expect to be treated kindly. Edit your work for spelling and grammar before posting.
Violent shills, relentless shill-spammers, and grounds keeping prose, should be ignored and reported.

Simple guides on writing:
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHdzv1NfZRM
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whPnobbck9s
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAKcbvioxFk

Thread Theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MoZ_Lg21b14

[Anonymous No.22617794]

I tried extremely hard to have it done by the 14’th, on the anniversary of his death, but life got in the way.

Probably the most obscure thing i've ever written.


> micz.substack.com/p/the-death-of-randall-jarrell

[Anonymous No.22617832]

To get my name out there I've decided to write a bit of journalistic copy and just submitted an article on American race relations from a European perspective. I really hope it doesn't get accepted. Political writing makes me physically ill.

>>22617794
Sorry I really don't know what to make of this. I really like the first two bits though feels like the opening to a mystery. But I'm afraid this is out of my wheelhouse.

[Anonymous No.22617917]

The more I read Dune, the more mogged I feel and deeper into existential imposter syndrome I go. It just makes me want to delete my 3-year-old novel and accept I'll never amount to anything.

[Anonymous No.22617934]

can someone else make a new thread? i'm not about to see this op for the next week

[Anonymous No.22618184]

>>22617917
No point in deleting it. May as well keep it. You may figure out how to fix it, or if nothing else, it'll serve as a learning experience.

[Anonymous No.22618267]

>>22617794
Wow that's actually quite something.
En elegy for a writer I don't know but he clearly meant allot to you.

[Anonymous No.22618317]

>>22617917
Dune is exceptional and you are not an exceptional writer.
Simply accept that you may be decent at best or at worst, above the trashpile.

[Anonymous No.22618348]

>>22618339
>>22618339
>>22618339

[Anonymous No.22618356]

>drink
>have ideas
>note them down
>feel bad after drinking passes

[Sage No.22618365]

>>22617917
Dune reads like shit though?

[Anonymous No.22618387]

>>22618339
>>22618339
>>22618339

[Anonymous No.22618392]

>>22617794
I kinda agree with >>22617832 I don't get it , but I think the opening is neat.

[Anonymous No.22618434]

>>22618339
>>22618339
>>22618339

[Anonymous No.22618444]

Hoping to finish chapter II by the end of the week. Feels good, man.

[Anonymous No.22618463]

https://pastebin.com/FMeJwuzc
rate and critique
I'm looking for what you feel about the character, how do you feel about them?

[Anonymous No.22618470]

>>22617794
More glorified AI-slop just like your shitty translation

[Anonymous No.22618518]

>>22618470
Actually made me look. You know what I don't think this is AI it's too fucking weird in terms of subject matter and because gtp still doesn't get what an iamb is after the first sentence.

If it is AI it's very touched up (which is the way one should use AI anyway)

>>22617794
Ignore him anon. Keep up the good job.

[Anonymous No.22618524]

>>22618348
>>22618387
>>22618434
Fuck off retard.

[Anonymous No.22618553]

>All cozy and ready to write
>Knocking at my door
>Boss
>In trouble
>Not I'm fucking not
>Ring his boss
>He backs down
>Continue argument
>Leave
I'm good but I'm too on edge now to really write anything

[Anonymous No.22618563]

>>22618524
Rot in your hell.

[Anonymous No.22618582]

>>22618563
What's the point of making another /wg/ thread? There's literally none. Yours should be reported for spamming/flooding, as should your links to it.

[Anonymous No.22618605]

>>22618582
Anon, there comes a time in life when a man cannot stand any more of your fucking bullshit.
OP pic is disgusting.
I lack the words to describe my disgust with you.
Die.

[Anonymous No.22618616]

>>22618470
Good luck trying to get AI to write about suicide. Nah it's legit.

[Anonymous No.22618652]

>>22618616
Sure, bud.

[Anonymous No.22618727]

>>22618605
>OP pic is disgusting.
Cry about it baby bitch.

[Anonymous No.22618734]

>>22617780
but my mom doesn't look like that...

[Anonymous No.22618737]

I've just completed the 7th of my 10 day experiment of writing 350 words a day for six stories each. A routine of 2100 words a day is becoming... a routine, surprisingly enough.

[Anonymous No.22618747]

>>22617832
>>22618392
Thanks.
it's meant to be a 'dark and stormy night' kinda opening that then transitions into my feelings on his writing. I tried to make it a little biographical and a little personal.

>>22618267
He did. He made me take poetry seriously. I even give a gook recommendation for anyone wanting to try him out.

im really glad you liked it. Thank you for reading.

>>22618518
Thanks, I will.

>>22618470
=( Beep Boop.

[Anonymous No.22618748]

>>22618727
Out of pure selfishness, I made a better thread. I've done all I can to help myself: I made the thread I would prefer to participate in.
If you and your ilk choose to foster this troll thread, you can suffer in it.

[Anonymous No.22618762]

>>22618463
This doesn't make any sense. Someone who's hosting a party would be very concerned about the whether because it could keep people from attending.

[Anonymous No.22618768]

>>22618762
noted, thanks for the feedback

[Anonymous No.22618818]

>>22618605
Is that all? You're not really a toughie, are you. I saw the picture in the last thread & saved it for later. You should look as good when you're 62.
https://headtopics.com/uk/wife-s-mugshot-grin-after-shooting-husband-for-refusing-to-stop-divorce-45342312

[Anonymous No.22618821]

>>22618748
You're the only one trolling and suffering here.

[Anonymous No.22618823]

>>22618818
A public forum thread for sharing and critiquing writing is the wrong time and place.
Go outside, asshole.

[Anonymous No.22618850]

>>22618823
>forum
It's an imageboard you dumb whore. Now show your tits.

[Anonymous No.22618866]

>>22618823
You sure have a lot of strong opinions of how others ought to behave. Perhaps you'd be happier on Reddit.

[Anonymous No.22618895]

Do you get banned for posting sexually explicit, violent fiction here?

[Anonymous No.22618898]

>>22618895
no, post it on pastebin and link it

[Anonymous No.22618909]

>>22618898
Pastebin is fussy about certains things as heads up, catbox moe is a good alt

[Anonymous No.22618917]

>>22618898
Well it’s just an expert so I could probably just post it here.
It’s not even that bad really.
I don’t wanna get banned tho. I need my account for research, mum wants to boost my bro.

[sage No.22619102]

>>22618866
I have a taste for the common decency which is unfortunately lacking in the current year

[Anonymous No.22619264]

>>22619102
If that was true, you wouldn't be within two hundred miles of 4chan.

[Anonymous No.22619289]

>>22618818
>I saw the picture in the last thread & saved it for later.
why? what's the context even?
and what are you trying to imply to the other anon?

[Anonymous No.22619364]

>>22619289
>hurr durr what context
Ugh...don't you read? >>22618818
Maybe your time would be spent better staring blankly at the wall.

[Anonymous No.22619418]

>>22615403
What do you mean
>>22615406
>all sorts
Such as?
>>22615409
22. Yes

[Anonymous No.22619425]

>>22619364
i'm not obligated to read every article some moron posts, no.
so, why do you believe this is relevant to /wg/?

[Anonymous No.22619491]

>>22619418
im about to eat, but.. your dialogue is unrealistic, your grammar is incorrect, and the structure is a mess
like i said before, keep at it.. but you do need to read. preferably something relevant your writing

[Anonymous No.22619540]

>>22618605
Where do you think we are?

[Anonymous No.22619548]

>>22618553
I remember having a boss like that. The money was not worth the stress.

[Anonymous No.22619586]

>>22617780
>Her heart began to beat painfully in her chest
I think i've been using this too much. Is there a better way to describe the heart in a state of smitten?

[Anonymous No.22619613]

>>22619425
For the same reason you think seething about OP picrel is relevant.

[Anonymous No.22619624]

Anyone else need a cheap editor? My business meeting fell through, so I'm free this week

[Anonymous No.22619653]

>>22619613
i'd like to know what they were thinking. that a problem, big boy?

[Anonymous No.22619781]

>>22618356
drinking makes people retarded and the aftereffects make them miserable, stop it

[Anonymous No.22619782]

>>22619624
Your business meeting has fallen through for the past month. I don't think it's gonna happen bro

[Anonymous No.22619893]

>want to post my writing
>don't want it to be associated with 4chan

[Anonymous No.22619905]

>>22619893
>Want to post my writing very badly to get some honest feedback
>Too scared some fucktard will steal my story as his own
And it's going to be my longest story yet. Quite the conundrum.

[Anonymous No.22619907]

>>22619893
You're already on the list

[Anonymous No.22619912]

>>22619893
>>22619905
post a screenshot so people can't search for it by words or copy it

[Anonymous No.22619915]

>>22619912
Makes sense, but unless you want to create an album you can't post a 10+ page story like that.

[Anonymous No.22619919]

>>22619915
>implying anyone is going to read 10+ pages of a story

[Anonymous No.22619926]

>>22619893
yea, share NOW

[Anonymous No.22619929]

SHARE
i'll read your book
and if it's on RR i will snap 5 star you (on 2 accs) even if it's shit

[Anonymous No.22619978]

>>22619905
>>22619893
You realize that anyone that writes is going to believe their own works/ideas are better than yours. No one will give enough of a shit to larp your stuff as their own. Just post a page as a screencap if you're still paranoid.

[Anonymous No.22620047]

please post your writings I just want to leech off your genius writings and make millions from ideas you obviously have no idea about

[Anonymous No.22620138]

>>22619929
Dark Crow Rising. There's a link in the OP.

(Thanks for that, Tridetect, bby <3)

[Anonymous No.22620172]

>>22617780
How do you break out of looping between mundane linking verbs like 'before', 'as', 'and', 'look' etc with sounding like a long-winded, pretentious faggot?

[Anonymous No.22620200]

>>22620172
depends on what you're doing,
could you give an example?

[Anonymous No.22620203]

>>22620138
nta & np

[Anonymous No.22620264]

>>22620200
I've been trying to write a fictional story in third person. My biggest hurdle so far is to reiterate what characters were trying to do without using the same verbs over and over.

[part 1 No.22620321]

They obviously knew.. Many great books have been written in jail, it's not the end of the world, right? Though seriously I was getting ahead of myself with my more than usual insanity.
That's fine I had thought just another one of those crazy days.
Then *he* came.
"Something the matter, eh laddie?"
All I coul do was stonewalling.
"No just I have to be right back very soon, something funny is up, you know how it is"
"That's a very fancy way of saying "none of your business, isn't it?"
I felt my lower lip shake.
"No no, just a tiny issue, nothing more important, I'll be right back"
Before he could say anything more than asking where I was going, I bolted like there was no tomorrow.
Rushed to the B side elevator, hoping no one will see me.. To the second floor, straight to the south side of the building, left hand side of the back entrance, thinking, I should've gotten used to it by now but this place is a fucking labyrinth.
Truly, nobody has even gotten their coffee yet, but look at me, going straight to the man's office. I was explicitly told not to make unnecessary visits, so let alone the outcome, how I will manage to explain I wasn't even here, or whatever heap of shit this will turn into, here I go anyways.
An unafraid yet still bothered knock.
Cracking the door open slightly, hardly even seeing anything,
"Can I come in, please?"
"Please do."
As I walked in, quietly shut the door, took two steps in closer, I blurted,
"I might have messed something up."
"No good morning?"
"Sorry uhh, good morning, it's just-"

[part 2 No.22620323]

"First let there be no misunderstandings, you realize you're being looked after, yes?"
"Not in this particular way that I possibly have.. outdone myself"
"Not what I heard."
"Well there was a crucical part I pretty much managed to mislead, please understand this way accidental"
"Something that would be detriment to the whole of the agency?"
"No... I think."
"We can continue this discussion later, aren't you supposed to be at the hearing, anyhow?"
"Exactly what I'm having an issue with, and I know it's too much to ask but can you not wave your magic wand to postpone today's ordeal?"
"It would not be a fair understanding, did you talk to anyone today?"
"Uhh, pretty much no."
"Fair enough, go up one floor, go right through the back from this rooms left side and take the stairs done, now you know we can let no one through there but, do you know the-"
"Really no need to tell me, I think I know the exact term."
"For you information, there should be no problem, but indeed do be prepared for the better next time."
"Thanks."
Next thing I knew, I straight up got the fuck out of there, again, looking as busy as possible, except for one little mistake, I couldn't take the directions exactly as possible, and just went up on my own way, still making it pretty much work, just with the tiny issue on the central of the floor, dropping all my god damn documents, which was a real fuck up, cameras seeing me and what not but I bulldozed over that anyhow.
And yet again, there was a couple more berets guarding the exit point. I walked towards them ever so confidently, looked straight in the eyes to the one closer, he turned his head to his colleague, and back to me,
I immediately declared, "'compass"', gotta go."
He turned to his little friend again, a little confused,
but audacity, I had thought, and left there as sure as one can be.

[Anonymous No.22620360]

>>22620264
right, yea. still vague but i imagine you mean// it'll come down to modifying your structure more than your vocabulary..

>sam wanted to leave
vs
>sam was feeling restless
>sam glanced at her watch and sighed
and..
>sam walked to the door
vs
>sam made her way to the door
>sam headed for the door

these examples might be shit, but you get the jist..the 'ol show don't tell

[Anonymous No.22620504]

>>22619893
Do what >>22617794 does and have you own website.

[Anonymous No.22620661]

>>22620321
>>22620323
There's a lot here you need to work on man. Ignoring the obvious grammar mistakes (comma splices, hyphens instead of em-dash, mixing tenses, etc.) and over usage of ellipses, there's literally nothing here to build the scene. The dialogue is pretty solid but the pacing is all out of funk and, without context, doesn't really make sense.
Slow things down a bit but don't get overly descriptive with the characters actions. Let the reader paint the image themselves.
You can mention what your MC is observing as he's having these interactions as well to control the pace. And since it seems like you're going for a cerebral sort of schizo thing you'll definitely want to give us some introspection.

[Anonymous No.22620915]

1:

"Why..." Her muffled sobs brought him an unsettled solace.

"Wake up, little bug. It's not time to sleep yet," he urged softly.

Jade rasped, barely mustering the strength to open her eyes, "Daddy...please... I love you," her plea hung in the air like an unanswered question.

"I love you too, dear. With all my heart," Arthur strained as he spoke.

"Stop," she groaned as he twisted her tiny leg further.

"It's okay, just a little longer," he relished, knowing it was nearing the breaking point. The anticipation sent shivers of delight down his spine. Coaching himself, he took deep, measured breaths. "Slow and steady."

With each fleeting moment, Jade’s willpower further waned. "Argh..." "Ahm..." feeble utterances escaped her purple lips.

And then it happened. With a sickening pop, Jade’s leg snapped cleanly.

Silence descended upon her, cloaking the room in a shroud of stillness. Arthur quivered involuntarily, adrenaline coursing through him. "Could it be..." he mused, his voice trailing off.

Moments passed.. Nothing. It felt different, this time. "Are you still awake, sweetie?" he called down anxiously to her motionless, broken body. The heavy silence lingered.

As warmth drained from the tiny foot clasped in his clammy hands, a smirk tugged at the corners of Arthur's mouth. Tantalizing anticipation gave way to a sense of twisted satisfaction, washing over him like a cathartic release.

"I finally did it," he breathed, the words slipping from his lips unwittingly. “I fucking did it!”

But in that moment, a feeble murmur, barely discernible, sent dread crashing down on Arthur. She was still alive.

[Anonymous No.22620927]

2:

Jade's eyes fluttered open once more, as if for the umpteenth time, and her gaze locked onto his.

"Is that the best you've got, you little faggot?" she menacingly shrieked.

"What's wrong, Daddy? Don't be a pussy!" Her voices echoed simultaneously, each one steeped in venom.

Jade sprung up, her broken little arms flailing in the air, a twisted grin spreading across her bruised face.

Arthur stumbled and collapsed at the foot of the bed, his trembling knees giving way. Have I not done enough? he thought, almost resigned.

"Little one..." he looked up uneasily.

A shrill, pained voice cried out to him. "You broke my limbs, you monster! I can’t come to you! Just…end it already..will you.”

It was a pitiful attempt, and as always, he wasn't deceived.

"Listen, honeybun... We can't continue like this. Remember what we discussed. If you truly want my assistance—"

"Shut up, you foul creature! I don't need your help! You're here to serve me," Jade sneered. "It's completely different."

Arthur gulped, steadying himself. "Okay, alright... to serve," he reassured. "I'll stand now, honeybun. Please, no sudden movements. Let's find a resolution—"

Before he finished, Jade launched herself at him, screaming violently.

"F-Fuck, shit, bollocks!" he swatted at her, but her broken bones seemed surprisingly nimble.

"I'm gonna get you! I'm gonna get you!!" Jade bellowed, transforming her voice into an unnerving mimicry of Arthur’s mother.

"No! Not there, my dear. It's not appropriate!" Arthur winced, struggling to hold her gnashing teeth at bay. "Jade! Seriously!" Panic surged within him. "Don't make me resort to the buzzsaw, young lady! I mean it... enough games!"

She could tell he wasn't joking this time. Jade despised the buzzsaw. "Fine," she scoffed, deflated. "Your balls can wait… but I'll find a way to make you pay, prick!"

Arthur sighed, knowing her eager retribution was inevitable.

"Fine," he scoffed back at her.

[Anonymous No.22620933]

>Please limit excerpts to one post.

[Anonymous No.22620957]

>>22617794
Very good.
I think it works on its own you don't need to know who the guy is. I'll say the ending feels a little abrupt.

>>22620321
It's hard to judge something so dialogue heavy but the bits of prose feel very amateurish. Too many unnecessary prefixes with 'ever so', 'quite', 'let alone ' etc

>>22620915
Oh God make it stop ...

[Anonymous No.22620972]

>>22620957
>make it stop
Thank you.
Any critiques?

[part 2 No.22621065]

>>22620957
Could you explain a little as to how it should be done?

>>22620661
Yeah.. I used Q10 typewriter which I really like on windows and I would probably not make those mistakes on macos with a good program, but still, my whole ordeal is with "scene". I want to make a special kind of text/subject matter (don't even know what it is yet), essentially something that builds its own context. I'll see where it goes but to me it does feel like I'm making something great. Oh and I guess because of burden of knowledge it probably doesn't stick out the least bit to the unknowing eye, let alone an excerpt.

[Anonymous No.22621098]

>>22617917
Don't write to be a great
Write to express cool ideas you have

[Anonymous No.22621371]

>>22621098
This is correct. Anything else will drive you completely insane with envy

[Anonymous No.22621574]

I don’t know why there are two threads up but please add this to the next general. This will be the biggest NaNoWriMo in /wg/ history!

https://discord.gg/NwCNEZfm

[Anonymous No.22621854]

>>22619929
Here's my RR and the rentry I'm posting on till it's finished. Hope you like it, and thanks.
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/61924/the-dragon-and-the-author
https://rentry.org/TDATA

[Anonymous No.22621917]

>>22619929
What if I want you to read my short story and only rate it how you felt about it?

[Anonymous No.22621952]

>>22617780
Best books you've read about writing?

[Anonymous No.22621955]

>>22621952
People who write books that sell don't write books about writing.

[Anonymous No.22621961]

>>22621955
Stephen King would like a word.

[Anonymous No.22621969]

>>22621961
Stephen King wrote not-so-cleverly disguised pedo fapfic "horror" story.

[Anonymous No.22621973]

>>22621952
Download a bunch and see what chimes with you. I really liked George saunders' A Swim in a pond..... And The Making Of A Story by Alice la plante. I read The Art of Description by Mark Doty recently and I found it really helpful.
I have a friend who swears by Ursula le guin's book (can't remember title).

Go to annas archive -dot- or g and you can download several

[Anonymous No.22621986]

OP forgot to include the /wg/ NaNo info so here’s a spin-off thread for it. Almost 100 members for NaNo!

>>22620251

[Anonymous No.22621992]

>>22621969
Regardless of your feelings toward the guy and his writing, your point still got proven wrong because he's one of the best-selling authors ever.

[Anonymous No.22621993]

>>22621969
If you're bothered by pedophiles you're on the wrong website.