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/lit/ - Literature

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2256498 No.2256498 [Reply] [Original]

Rage. Scathing bark of a
Page. Tell me I am a
Sage. Preacher calls for an
Age. Ice in it, oh a
Mage. That I am, made a
Wage. Return to the one, Allah.

Rate my poetry.

>> No.2256505

Btw, I won an award for a variation on this.

Thanks.

>> No.2256509
File: 6 KB, 251x251, 1293252834951[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2256509

It's very, very good. But you must understand, this is a place for grown-ups. Just wait a few years and then come back. Now, go hurry and show your poem to mommy and daddy, so they can put it on the refridgerator!

>> No.2256512

>>2256509
You obviously didn't get it or the references. Don't call me a kid either moron.

>> No.2256515

>Mage
Yay warcraft oetry!

>> No.2256516

>>2256515
Have you never been born before that video game? Idiot.

>> No.2256521

>>2256516
Clearly you didn't win the award for your mastery of English

>> No.2256522
File: 108 KB, 1284x949, 1322927970431.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2256522

sage. cause im full of rage. nigga

>> No.2256531

>>2256521
It was participation among which I received a lot of compliments for my word choice and ability to keep up with my system. Guess you never awarded for being clever

>> No.2256539

>>2256531
Holy fuck are you going to go one post without making an error

>> No.2256543
File: 9 KB, 243x207, 1293380070397.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2256543

>>2256531
Dude, no reason to go all jihad just because some people don't praise it.

>> No.2256549

Fuck off

>> No.2256551

That's not why I even mentioned her

>> No.2256552

>>2256543
That not why I mentioned her

>> No.2256556

>>2256498
>>2256498

'Tis shit regardless if you won a prize or not. I won a prize at a poetry slam once. My poem was objectively utter shit, something about bob Marley smoking ganja, but it won because the people and judges were uneducated hipsters.

The truth is most people can't comprehend good poetry because they don't have enough exposure to literature. They think generic garbage is good because they know no better or because they are told it's good.

>> No.2256557

>>2256556
And you are?

>> No.2256562
File: 80 KB, 492x559, retard-baby.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2256562

>>2256557

>Asking who someone is on an anonymous board

Pic related: It's what I currently imagine you to look like in real.

>> No.2256565
File: 118 KB, 500x334, hipster_kiss.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2256565

I like it.

What can I say? It's OK. It draws you in, it's insistent. Doesn't necessarily say fuck all, but it says it nicely.

You can have an award from me as well.

>> No.2256567

>>2256562

>imagining what anonymous people on an anonymous imageboard anonymously look like.

>> No.2256570

>>2256567

Yes, based on retarted responses.

>> No.2256571

>>2256498
i wrort5ew this wiutrh my bnj ose
if youy like vit vxch gexck nouytr bmy perose
i caNH NM,AKE POEMS VTOO
H EY NOLPP BII8M JUNSXAT LIKM,E BYUHIOUYNH

>> No.2256572
File: 34 KB, 448x336, china-2006.1178172120.beth_stick[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2256572

>>2256562
What I imagine OP to look like after googling "Beth Jin".
Fits her tamper, too.

>> No.2256574
File: 6 KB, 126x126, STFU_lith_8.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2256574

>>2256571

>> No.2256575

>>2256571
it bought a tear to my eye
10/10

>> No.2256576

>>2256572

I'd hit it.

>> No.2256578
File: 142 KB, 431x288, Judgebelvin.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2256578

>>2256574
Son, you need help.

>> No.2256588

>>2256582
I think you might have also found that OP probably isn't actually called Beth Jin, if anything probably a girl who wrote a shit poem and won an award while OP wrote some Joycean shit and won nothing. Maybe this was all planned and you stepped into his trap.

You're a horrible person.

>> No.2256592

>>2256588

You persuaded me to delete, but only because I'm not on /b/.

>> No.2256611

>>2256592
Hey, I haven't read that post yet! What did it say?

>> No.2256630

>>2256620
I try to befriend her and talk about poetry.

>> No.2256675
File: 6 KB, 126x126, STFU_lith_7.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2256675

>>2256578

>> No.2256806

you won an award for that? i feel bad that you think that means anything. you're no artist. you're a clinger, clinging to the belief that the people who awarded you even have good taste. basically. your head is too big for your hands, your work is not worthy of your own praise.
have a nice life

>> No.2256947

>>2256498

Praises to the most fly, Prada

>> No.2256987

Roses are red,
violets are blue.
Omae wa mou
shindeiru.

>> No.2257090
File: 148 KB, 550x550, wtf_computer.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2257090

>>2256806

>your head is too big for your hands,

>> No.2257098

>>2256498
It's alright.
It's basic, and some lines don't make sense, but it has a moderately interesting organization.
What kind of award was it?

>> No.2257132

>>2257090
not the guy you're replying too, but for someone on a literature board you show a disturbing failure to grasp simple metaphors. I've never heard that turn of phrase before in my life, yet it's pretty obvious that:
your head is too big = you are too bigheaded (i.e. arrogant)
for your hands = for what you can do (you use your hands to do stuff)

>> No.2257147

>>2257132

>implying I culdn't guess that from context
>implying it's not still a fuck-ugly phrase
>implying that if you're not the guy I'm replying to you shouldn't shut your fucking whore mouth
>Nearly 2012

>> No.2257174

>>2256806
Jealous much? Get post prick I never asked you.

>> No.2257175

>>2257174
2/10

>> No.2257209

I got a better one:

"I'm the mean mothafucka from across the street
I can whup your ass any day of the week
monday, sunday three times a night
sandy's got a asshole feels real tight

Marsha's too clean
sarah's too mean,
cindy goes down
like a sub-ma-rine

Jesus and the devil
doing double dutch
devil skined his weiner
and he didn't like it much

jesus wouldnt heal it,
mary wouldnt feel it
joseph and moses
tried to fuckin steal it

noah and the pha-roh
eating scrambled eggs
long come satan and
bit em on the legs

Now that's a poem.

also, you can jump rope to it.

>> No.2257213

>>2257174
Years ago my poem was published in a magazine, then a volume. Now kids around the country which I live are studying it for exams.

And yet I, a close group of friends,every literature professor in the country and anyone with an even decent taste in literature can tell you it is the worst thing I have ever written.

>> No.2257216

>>2256498

Ico was art.

>> No.2257218

>>2257209
2deep4me

>> No.2257445

>>2257216
Your point? Anyway, I'm not looking for Your approval to do what I do. I write because I NEED to write and the world NEEDS my voice unlike most of you sad and pathetic. Losers. I iust wanted a n educated critique as to help extend the lengths of what I currently have.

>and for all of you making fun of me winning an award, how about you tell me some time you won something? Can't? Thought so. I earned my award because I fought for it. So just take a piss bitch.

>> No.2257458

>>2257209
Get lost.

>> No.2257466
File: 50 KB, 437x400, 1323818746298.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2257466

>>2257445
>the world NEEDS my voice
Just stop you aren't fooling anyone.

>> No.2257476

>>2257445
>Your approval
>unlike most of you sad and pathetic. Losers.
>a n educated critique as to help extend the lengths of what I currently have.

Please tell me English isn't your native language.

>> No.2257484

>>2257209

This is a variation of one from the Canal Zone study isn't it? Did you find it online? are there any more?

>> No.2257498

>>2257484


Nah, it's from the York study. South Philadelphia. There's a Baltimore variation too.

>> No.2257516

>>2257498
>>2257484
Shut the fuck up.

>> No.2257517

>>2257458


I agree. everybody's heard this folk/street stuff till they're sick of it. Not everything that springs spontaneously from an urban culture needs to be preserved and nurtured and treated as high art. Doggerel that comes from a vital and emerging culture is still doggerel

>> No.2257524

>>2257517


Op's stuff is no better, though. Though you could argue that it's no worse. At least it's an exercise in context-less creativity. You don't need to have the sociology-anthropological background of an inner-city street rat to appreciate it. Folk-culture may be as valid as higher culture, but it's not the same thing, and can't be judged by the same criteria.

There's some creativity in OP's work, and a kind of clumsy irony. I'll give it that.

>> No.2257546

>>2257516
>>2257517

The Canal Zone stuff was amazing though, you've got to admit that. I never heard of the York study. Going to look it up.

>> No.2257558

>>2257546
>>2257524
>>2257517
>>2257498
>>2257484

OP is a troll. You guys start your own thread.

>> No.2257619

Starting with "rage" has already been done. Otherwise it looks like you just wrote a list of six rhyming words and expanded it into a poem.

>> No.2258610
File: 4 KB, 126x126, 1293661310675.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2258610

I like how it began with "rage", indicating the frustration of the Islamic world, the "page" obviously referring to the Koran, which makes the protagonist into a "sage", but with passing of time ("age"), the wisdom finds its way into the physical world ("mage", a spell (thought) modifies the world), and then ambiguous "wage" which means to wage war and also hints at the exploration of the Arabic world through imperialism of the Western world (mainly the USA) who pay only minimal wages. "Return to Allah" brings the conclusion, the protagonist dies in a suicide attack and goes to heaven, the final link in the chain that started with rage and ended in peace.

>> No.2259793

>>2258610
Close. Thanks for at least trying

>> No.2261731

I actually think its kinda cool. You have nice flow and seem brave. :)