/lit/‘s magnum opus is 3 years old

[Anonymous No.22548248]

Reminder that this book has been out for 3 years now and is still the most widespread attention /lit/ has received

[Anonymous No.22548250]

Frank, watch yourself.

[Anonymous No.22548253]

I wish a crocodile would call me, no one ever calls me

[Anonymous No.22548316]

>>22548248
It's 3:11am in Chicago, where Frank Gardner sits in a grimy kimono reading these very words. He is now sitting up straight in his chair, intrigued by what the following words might say. After all, he has been making these threads all night long, for days, and most responses have consisted of just a few insults or genuine inquiries into his mental health. This is the first response which has gone on for more than three sentences without mocking him.

His skin is clammy and cold, his eyes are glazed over, his mind is dulled from hours of refreshing 4chan and googling his own name. His habitual chain smoking most likely ensures that he has not taken any pleasure from consuming nicotine in hours. His sedentary lifestyle means that he has most likely not known genuine hunger or thirst in weeks, if not months. We can only speculate on his masturbatory habits. His neighbors are all sleeping the sleep of productive people with meaningful lives, in bed next to their spouses, with children down the hall. The only sound right now is the gentle hum of the refrigerator, and perhaps a bit of late night traffic in the streets below. Even the guy who posts the link to Call of United Airlines in every thread has better things to do right now than pay attention to Frank.

At this point, he begins to suspect that this post is not going to praise him. But it's not exactly insulting him, either. There's still a few more sentences to go. Maybe it'll turn into like... an ironic troll thing? He's going to meme Frank to make /lit/ seethe, right? Frank is the funny bad meme book man, surely someone finds this shtick appealing enough to spread it around, right? Maybe. Come on? Please??

The post is now over. Frank has no more words to read about himself. Oh well, there's always tomorrow and the day after that. The sun will be coming up soon, and Frank will eventually get a few hours of sleep. He goes to sleep each night believing he will wake up famous, and wakes up believing he will be famous by the time he goes back to sleep. Or... maybe this is the dream, and he really is a famous author in reality. As this post comes to an end, he closes his eyes and begins gently whispering "Wake up, wake up, wake up," and as he remains awake his voice rises in pitch and volume, until he is screaming the words, with no one around to hear.

[Anonymous No.22548328]

>>22548316
better than anything frank has ever written or ever thought of writing
based.

[Anonymous No.22548492]

>>22548316
Gardner is “famous.” Everyone literally knows who he is.

[Anonymous No.22548538]

>>22548248
Infinite Jest was a massive waste of time ao I stopped early.
Let me guss this one sucks too?

[Anonymous No.22548547]

>>22548248
Crocodile anon, you are the most dedicated single subject poster I have seen here. I tip my figurative fedora approvingly. Inb4 fuck off newfag