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/lit/ - Literature

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2211124 No.2211124 [Reply] [Original]

We condense entire novels to the far superior greentext format.

>> No.2211135

>Walk around an Irish town with my friend
>Be very boring
>Visit a brothel
>Visit a cafe
>Go into endless detail about trivial shit

>> No.2211136

>Nigger does Nigger shit
>Gets caught and rightly hanged
>Liberal white feminist bitches about it.

>> No.2211139

>swedes thinks sweden is shit
>swedes move to usa

>> No.2211144

>A young wizard defeats an evil wizard multiple times
>Doesn't experiment with drugs, try to form a band, watch TV or any other normal kid things.

>> No.2211153

>>2211144
Harry Potter and the fender strat.

-Harry is a young wizard living in a cupboard. He buys a guitar and starts learning the basics- smoke on the water, teen spirit etc.
-He goes to Hogwarts to study music and meets Ron, a keen bassist with a coke habbit. They start sneaking into bars and clubs, taking MDMA and trying to get a feel for the sounds of their generation.
-They meet Hermione, a young witch who plays drums and decide to form a band called the Gryffindors.
-After loosing all his money on a quiddich match. Harry signs the Gryffindors up for the battle of the bands, where they end up head-to-head with their rivals, 'Lord Voldermort and the death eaters' - a 25 man progressive techno band.
-Their Gay music teacher is killed.
-They win the competition and celebrate with LSD laced butterbeer. Harry hallucinates and sees a Hippogryph.

>> No.2211155

>country doctor marries farmer's daughter
>nothing happens, ennui everywhere
>heavily in debt and depressed, the farmer's daughter drinks cyanide and dies in agony

>> No.2211162

>Guy wants a pet
>Goes on a killing spree to get pet
>He gets pet
>He fucks with some chick
>Chick kills pet
>He ain't even mad

>> No.2211183

>>2211162
Oh god, please someone tell me what this is!!!

>> No.2211189
File: 50 KB, 312x503, PKD_DO_ANDROIDS.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2211189

>>2211183

>> No.2211199

>>2211135

Dubliners?

>>2211136

To Kill A Mockingbird?

>>2211139

The Millennium Trilogy?

>> No.2211208
File: 17 KB, 288x228, Han_Solo.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2211208

>>2211162
>I ain't even emotion #127

>> No.2211213

>>2211208
lol

>> No.2211218

>go to moscow
>everyone's an asshole
>my only friends are a cat and a ginger
>do a magic show
>find some infinitesimally blue-blood chick to host my ball
>she's naked and bitching during the whole party
>leave moscow, fuck this shit

>> No.2211226

>come home
>my aunt's tenant is gone
>he was a weird fuck anyway
>read draft of a novel he left behind

>> No.2211235

>chilling in space
>bitch asks me to go on a pilgrimage and find a spy
>a bunch of pilgrims and I tell our tales
>I try to find out who the spy is
>"no consul you are the spy"
>and then i was spy.

>> No.2211256

>Have to get a job
>Get bored and go get drunk instead
>Pick up a woman
>Get drunk together and fuck
>Lose job
>Get drunk again and repeat the cycle ad nauseum

>> No.2211262

>>2211144
>Doesn't experiment with drugs, try to form a band, watch TV or any other normal kid things.
>Because he, in fact, has something better to do with his life.
Our generation sucks...

>> No.2211263

>>2211226
I must know what this is. It's gnawing away at my brain!

>> No.2211274

>>2211262
>Because he, in fact, has something better to do with his life.
Being a wizard? I don't why you applied 'our generation sucks' to a fictional comparison. People can't really cast spells you know.

Also experimenting with drugs and starting bands is fun. Why are you so jaded?

>> No.2211276

>Be grownass man still living with mom
>Go to bars, rate everyone by how much would pay to fuck
>Fuck ugly girls, watch weird porn
>Get drunk
>Mom gets a girlfriend
>Try to fuck a sheep
>Knock up sister and mom's girfriend

>> No.2211277

>>2211263
steppenwolfe.

>> No.2211285

>>2211277
Thank you! That was driving me nuts

>> No.2211292

>>2211277
It's Steppenwolf. Without the e.

>> No.2211294

>be popular athlete in love with your best friend
>he's a homophobe and pushes you from a tree
>break a leg and never walk normally again
>fall from the stairs and break your leg again
>die because of some implausible bone marrow shit

>> No.2211386

>be chillin at home
>be visited by old friend
>he brings some freeloaders in my house
>get dragged into hiking and spelunking
>always be saved by that friend
>always complain about food

>> No.2211407

>implying people read anymore
>implying the future of literature isn't in this thread

>> No.2211433

>dawn of era of galactic space exploration
>first habitable planet discovered
>mysterious ruins found and apocalyptic messages on them foretelling disasters of galactic scale
>archaeologist nearly got killed by aliens because security guard forgot where the weapons were kept
>archaeologist and friends goes on illegal expedition to find out more, but ill-prepared
>arrives on new planet
>friends get lost die on planet because of lack of basic survival skills and intelligence
>start campfire in the middle of the night with the enemy still on your tail

>> No.2211470

>>2211407

This

>> No.2211471

>bubonic plague up in here
>fuck that shit
>camp out in the countryside for a bit
>tell each other hilarious stories

>>2211218
Master & Margarita?

>> No.2211479

>>2211471
Decameron, nice.

>move to india to find some poet dude
>freaky cult messing up your shit
>kid dies
>decide to go ballistic
>change your mind
>goodness triumphs

>> No.2211510

>graduated uni, can't get a job, blame the olds
>rob and murder old bitch who has it coming to her
>feel guilty, give money to an old friend's hooker daughter
>she's a hottie, want me some of that
>hottie daughter makes me turn myself in
>she waits for me to finish sentence, everything went better than expected

>> No.2211513

>>2211510
Crime and punishment

>> No.2211517

>fancy dinner
>return videotapes
>murder bitches
>repeat

>> No.2211524

>>2211144
>try to form a band
>implying normal kids do that.

>> No.2211525

>>2211517
ap

you didn't even try

>> No.2211526

>girl of my dreams won't date me coz I'm poor
>I'll show her, build vast criminal empire
>return with the bling bling but bitch still won't put out
>get killed

>> No.2211528

>>2211526
uh

great gatsby?

>> No.2211530

>do heroin all day erry day
>go to mexico to escape the law
>heroin all day erry day

>> No.2211535

>everyone in my family wants to sleep with each other
>my mom won't fucking die
>some old fuck died in a room filled with a hundred gold potty toilets wtf
>i hate south america

>> No.2211536

>mom dead but be chillin', got some friends, bitch, job, 's all good
>that fucking sun is so bright
>kill sandnigger
>jail ain't that bad but court is boring
>cries of hate

>> No.2211537

>waitin for my bro to show up
>try to take my boots off
>one boot is stuck
>"nothing to be done"
>do nothing
>do nothing
>do nothing
>my bro never shows up

>> No.2211539

>drinking and shit with my friends and some bitches
>want that bitch but my dick won't work
>bitch fucks everybody else
>might as well drink some more

>> No.2211540

>did a lot of alcohol
>drugs
>endless cocks

>> No.2211546

>all my brothers are assholes
>except for one who is mildly retarded and wants to be a monk
>my father is the king of assholes
>he fell in love with my whore
>someone killed him
>everyone thinks it was me
>fml

>> No.2211547

>wake up
>work all day in the freezing cold
>eat very little
>today was a good day

>> No.2211553

>fight in spanish civil war
>be american
>some fat bitch is a guerilla boss
>fuck chick with issues
>blew a bridge
>oh fuck my legs

>> No.2211554

>visit cousin in alps
>diagnosed as anemic
>meet an Italian
>fall in love
>the bitch leaves
>witness cousin's death
>bitch comes back, still rather platonic
>encounter cousin's spirit
>Italian commits suicide
>traded lead role in the cage for a walk-on part in the war

>> No.2211556

>>2211135
Ulysses!

>> No.2211557

>rats show up in my idyllic seaside town
>everything goes to shit
>mfw i am a doctor
>i have no face

>> No.2211558

>young girl's parents die, she all alone
>people seem to want to help her but try to rape her
>she flees
>some nice people want to actually help her
>nope, rape
>she flees
>finds some wonderful people, they help her escape from her horrible life
>HAHA WRONG AGAIN RAPE THAT BITCH
>someone helps her escape
>thanks man, they wanted to rape me
>speaking about rape I'M GOING TO RAPE YOU
>oh god no so tired of rape, going to the monastery
>hey monks why don't you help me
>monks: DAT ASS
>oh god no make it stop
>THERE IS NO GOD EVERYBODY GETS RAPED EVEN PREGNANT BITCHES AND CHILDREN WE RAPE THEM ALL EVEN THOUGH WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SERVANTS OF GOD
>more rape
>scat
>pee sex
>anal rape
>snuff
>errthang
>rape everywhere
>all the time

>> No.2211560

>>2211558
justine

>> No.2211565

>>2211557

Le Peste by Camus

>> No.2211561
File: 26 KB, 232x235, marquisdesade.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2211561

>>2211560

Indeed, good sir. Bet half of /lit/ is interested as fuck in that book now.

>> No.2211564

>be poor in paris
>my only friend is fat ex-noble russian
>starve
>can't pay my rent
>get the shittiest job imaginable
>fuck this
>move to london
>mfw i'm a hobo now

>> No.2211567

>>2211561
marquis de sade is the default favorite author of channers

>> No.2211568

>>2211537
En Attendant Godot

>> No.2211569

>>2211530
Junky

>> No.2211570

>>2211564

Haven't even read it but Down and Out in Paris and London by Orwell

>> No.2211575

>be chilling in bad, got servant, rich enough but beta as fuck, first /r9k/'er in the history of literature
>never get out of bed
>ever
>until I do, then fall in love with some bitch
>change my life, be kind of alpha
>best friend takes my bitch
>get back to bed
>die

>> No.2211576

>>2211575
notes from the underground?

>> No.2211581

>>2211576

Nope. You got the country right though.

>> No.2211590

>don't give a shit
>therapist tells me to work at some college in podunk fucknowhere
>fine
>fuck bitches
>some alphatard thinks he's some hot shit
>troll him
>get intimate with his wife
>fuck her
>she's pregnant
>abortion
>she dies, my bust keeps staring at me

>> No.2211592

>be a nigger
>the emperor loves me
>all bitches be jelly of my nigger cock

>> No.2211593

>growing up in brooklyn
>my best friend is black
>get beat up every day
>find invisibility ring
>think nothing of it
>become a hipster

>> No.2211595

>>2211592
lol otelo

>> No.2211596

>have mommy issues
>be schizophrenic
>get obsessed by a movie

>> No.2211597

>>2211593
Hey Arnold.

>> No.2211598

>>2211595
nope

>> No.2211599

>my youngest daughter is an ungrateful bitch
>disown her
>all my daughters are ungrateful bitches
>take a walk in the rain
>go crazy
>youngest daughter turns out to be a total badass
>shady kid screwing around with my bitchy daughters has my good daughter killed
>die of oldness/sadness/Act 5-ness

>> No.2211600

>>2211581
That's Oblomov, right?

>> No.2211603

>be fabulous
>be ageless
>shit's great
>commit suicide

>> No.2211608

>be a dandy
>life is all party hard all day erry day
>get bored of bitches and whores
>move to the country
>befriend a naive poet
>naive poet's girlfriend's sister has a crush on me
>tell her to fuck off
>flirt with naive poet's girlfriend
>he's a dick about it
>challenges me to a duel
>don't want to
>kill him anyway
>better gtfo
>travel the world
>go back to the city
>see the sister
>omg
>wanna fuck?
>lolno i'm married go away
>that bitch

>> No.2211609

>>2211600

Yes.

>> No.2211611

>>2211599

fucking King Lear.

you forgot the part about the dude getting his eyes ripped out.

>> No.2211613

>i'm a naive dude but my best friend is alpha as fuck
>also, he's a nihilist, doesn't believe in anything
>i'm a nihilist too!!!12
>go home during holidays, take friend with me, meet father and uncle
>they be all like nigga yo friend can't act like that also you dun changed
>i love them but alas i'm sort of a nihilist now i hope, damn liberals, damn tea drinking old farts but i like them
>friend killing frogs smoking pipe not giving a fuck
>also shoots my uncle
>wat?
>go to bitches, friend falls in love
>nigga I thought you nihilist?
>yeah whatever let's bail
>i'm also kind of in love with a bitch
>friend dies because the author hates nihilist
>i get married and happy as shit, oh that silly nihilism of yesteryear
>don't fuck with the status quo is what's to be learned here

>> No.2211614

>goin' on a road trip to see a motorcycle race
>too many lizards at the hotel
>fuck this country

>> No.2211616

>>2211614

I lolled. F&L in LV.

>> No.2211620

>am successful author, got money, alpha status
>secretly still live with my mom like a true beta
>try to go to a quiet cabin in the woods to hide
>get drunk for a week accidentally in a city full of hills and faggots
>feelsbadman
>go to cabin
>holy shit i'm going insane
>fuck buddhism hail jesus
>note to self: drink dry wine instead of sweet in the future

>> No.2211621

>fuck i fell off a ladder and died
>who is that bastard, he's taking my place, what the fuck
>oh wait i am that bastard
>kids endlessly bitch at each other and my wife is apathetic
>one of 'em goes over a waterfall in a barrel
>oh wait it was all a dream

>> No.2211625

>>2211536
The Stranger
>>2211546
The Brothers Karamazov
>>2211557
The Plague
>>2211553
For Whom the Bell Tolls

>> No.2211626

>am working mans son but want to make something more out of my life
>wear sandals, grow hair and beard
>get into entry level philosophy and theology
>start telling people what I know, back it up by saying my father is important and i got connections and shit
>get large group of followers but haters gonna hate
>get beat up and killed for being alternative
>people go around telling they used to hang with me but you've probably never heard of me
>shit hits the mainstream
>i never asked for this

>> No.2211631

>>2211626
the bible?

>> No.2211632
File: 22 KB, 640x352, 301-effy5.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2211632

>>2211631

Correct.

>> No.2211634

>>2211626
Monty Python's Life of Brian
or possibly Neon Genesis Evangelion

>> No.2211636

>live in forest, bit dumb but usually happy and got some nice friends
>however have serious, serious food addiction
>got the the point where I couldn't even leave my friends house through the front door
>got stuck, stayed there for a long while until I starved enough to get out
>Laugh it off, get back to eating like a pro
>Have many other fun adventures with all my friends in the forest

>> No.2211640

>>2211636
something from Winnie the Pooh?

>> No.2211643

>>2211536
The Stranger

>> No.2211645 [DELETED] 

>head to Las Vegas with attorney
>drugs

>> No.2211647

>>2211640

Correct.

>got a good job, nice stuff but forever alone
>pretend i'm sick to get attention
>meet weird girl, all of my hate but would bone
>lose all my shit, go live with this guy who I befriend but we beat the shit out of each other
>make club of neckbeards which turns into terrorist organisation
>my only real friend was in my head, that feel
>no longer virgin though
>blow up everything against my will
>get bitch happily ever after

>> No.2211649

>>2211647

>happily ever after

>living in a mental hospital with half my face blown off and nothing really accomplished because the terrorist organization still exists.

>> No.2211650

>>2211649

Goddamnit you're right. I've become a victim of hollywood.

>> No.2211653

>get this job as a mailman, get laid
>this shit is awesome
>after that it's forever shit
>drink too much
>fuck some bitches
>don't want to live anymore
>giant bender
>wake up in the remains of a weird party
>maybe i'll write a book about it

>> No.2211656

>fucking bitches all the time, can't stop
>nigga you might be a clone of jesus
>why's that doctor
>omg you ain't no doctor you a crazy bitch
>my friend masturbates too much or collects rocks meanwhile

>> No.2211661

>>2211647
> get to /lit/ by circumstance
> read first two lines of first comment I see posted
> fightclub

>> No.2211672

>so there's thins thing right
>but it ain't no thing
>if you say what it is you saying it wrong cause it can't be said
>this thing is nothing/everything also hard/soft everything
>it was there inb4 anything and will be after everything
>you best be wise and humble get your shit together with this thing
>also learned men don't know shit

>> No.2211674

>be butterfly
>wake up
>be dude
>or butterfly?
>wat?

>> No.2211677

>>2211672

Tao Te Ching

Give me something hard.

>> No.2211679

>my wife watches too much TV
>stealin shit from work
>bitches can't handle they poetry
>boss finds all the stolen shit
>kill boss, get bitten by his robot dog
>run away
>find nerds, hang with them forever

>> No.2211682

>>2211672
The Tibetan Book of the Dead?

>> No.2211688

>be retarded, weird shit happens
>this bitch smells like trees
>be a smart jerkoff
>bitches n whores
>wander around town bothering people
>suddenly an asshole
>sister is a whore
>have to take care of her bitch daughter
>niggers

>> No.2211693

>>2211677

Correct, sir. Try this one:

>Some random bitch drowns
>Feelsbadman
>Move to Amsterdam

>> No.2211701

>>2211679
Fahrenheit 451

>> No.2211704

>>2211677
ok try this shit

> went insane and wrote some weird shit in my diary:
> CANNIBALS EVERYWHERE

>> No.2211706

>>2211693

you got me.

>>2211704

the bible?

>> No.2211715

>self pitying faggot in high school who thinks it's cool to curse a lot and has shitty story telling skills
>thinks he's special

>> No.2211716
File: 2.05 MB, 282x178, 1312343338185.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2211716

>>2211276
>>2211276
>>2211276
>>2211276
>>2211276


need to know this asap

>> No.2211722

>>2211603
The Picture Of Dorian Gray.
Fuck Chapter 11.

>> No.2211724

>>2211621
wtf is this

>> No.2211727

>>2211715
catcher in the rye? lol

>> No.2211729

>essay about tennis
>essay about AA/addiction
>essay about tennis
>essay about AA/addiction

repeat for 1000 pages and call it a novel.

>> No.2211732

>>2211235
Er, Hyperion? Haven't read the sequel yet though, is that where the "no consul you are the spy" part comes from?

>> No.2211733

>Got this whole place all to myself
>Picking garlic to hang all over the place
>Smells like shit but I don't notice anymore
>Living in a boarded-up bunker constantly under siege by mutant bloodsuckers
>Find a dog after painstakingly gaining its trust
>Dog dies
>Find a woman
>She's a lying bitch
>Shit goes much, much worse than expected

>> No.2211734

>be extremely smart and alpha as fuck
>plebeian mother gets in an accident
>forced to get a job to pay for it
>work at a pants factory
>boss recognizes my superiority and lets me do what i want
try to help my nig-nog co-workers
>dirty bastards all turn on me
>quit and work as hotdog vendor
>get hit on by the homos
>tell all this to mother
>she thinks im crazy

>> No.2211737

>fall asleep
>have weird dream about humphrey chipden earwicker or some shit. I don't remember
>start to wake up
>Nah fuck dat. Fall back to sleep
>dreem starts again.

>> No.2211738

>>2211535
Possibly Hundred Years of Solitude?

>> No.2211743

>>2211737

it's been done
>>2211621

>> No.2211745

>>2211656

Choke. At least you didn't pick Fight Club. Nobody would have ever guessed that one...

>> No.2211754

>bitch wakes you up in the middle of the night
>go to sleep even longer
>secretly fap to the story of your grandfather and grandmother having crazy sex
>we're off to see the wizzard, the wonderful wizzard of oz

>> No.2211758

>Have crazy dream.
>Leave bitch I have a crush on and pursue dream.
>Traveled way too goddamn far, learned too many lessons with morals, to go back to where I started.
>FML.
>Oh wait, there's treasure and bitch I left.
>Profit

>> No.2211762

>>2211727

Yes.

>> No.2211767

>Go back home for Christmas
>fucking billboards everywhere
>friends in i'll-fuck-anything-that-moves mode
>even 12 year-olds
>welp.jpeg

>> No.2211768

>>2211745

Yes.

>everything is empty shit, nothing matters
>earth do what it do, sun too, don't matter
>tried to have a good time, drinking wine, fucking bitches
>doesn't even matter either
>still, best to enjoy your life, have fun, we'll all die eventually
>praise god though

>> No.2211778

>i'ma buddhis
>this guy i met too but he's even more awesome
>get drunk a lot fuck bitches, meditate
>live simply, don't own too many things
>climbing mountains, having epiphanies
>go backpacking, wander around
>oh jesus thy moon o buddha thy stars

>> No.2211782

Hopefully lit jumps all over this one

>Alpha as fuck, alcoholic, don't give a fuck.
>Have unlimited friends, but they don't matter.
>Fuck an insane amount of bitches all over the country.
>Mid 30's, still single.
>Write a book about it, profit.

>> No.2211785

>>2211778
Less Than Zero
>>2211768
Ecclesiastes
>>2211767
Dharma Bums

>> No.2211800

>>2211797

Enjoy your stroke.

>> No.2211802

>>2211800

Goddamn comment removers.

>> No.2211803

> riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs.
>...
> Tiers, tiers and tiers. Rounds.

>> No.2211811

>sister bones some dudes
>everyone freaks the fuck out
>retards screaming, harvard students suiciding, teenage girls bluntly jesus allegory-ing
>stereotypical black servant mammy cries at church
>gots de recklekshun an de blood o de lamb

>> No.2211815

> primed to be pro hindu priest
> leave home with butt buddy
> some other fag thinks he's smart
> butt buddy leaves to follow 'smart'fag
> stop being a faggot, run successful business
> fuck a hot rich bitch, suck her nipples
> get bored, retire business to work on the river
> turns out the bitch had a kid
> raise the kid
> kid leaves, don't give a fuck
> continue working on the river forever

>> No.2211821

>>2211815

Siddhartha.

Only the bitch didn't really have a kid. He drowned in the river and the rest of the book was his afterlife.

>> No.2211822

>be a struggling science-fiction novelist
>get letter from 14 year old autist who invites you to symposium
>"it's my lucky day"
>travel to bumfuck midwestern town for symposium
>symposium called off because used car salesman goes on violent rampage
>"well i think we've all learned something today"

>> No.2211825

>>2211822

Breakfast of Champions.

You forgot the part about vagina drawings.

>> No.2211850

> naive girl meets older lady, be friends, gets invited over to her mansion
>lady and some dudes proceed to teach her everything there is to know about libertinism/hedonism/egoism/debauchery in both theory and practice
>girls mother doesn't like it
>they let her mother come over, let her be raped by servant with syphilis, sew her vagina shut, send her home
>everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg.

>> No.2211860

>>2211850

The Story of O?

>> No.2211869

>>2211860

No.

>> No.2211881

>>2211822
Brrrreeeeeakfast of Chaaaaaaaaaaaaampions

>> No.2211888

>>2211803
>>2211737
Winnegan's Fake the both of you.

>> No.2211894

>>2211733
This seems really familiar...anyone?

>> No.2211950

>just graduated law from law school, fuck yeah!
>workin for a weird old aristocrat with many sex slaves
>he's totally bad vibes, quit and move back home
>meanwhile, girlfriend's slutty BFF starts acting weird, later gets killed by a wolf
>get home, some old Dutch guy refuses to explain shit
>a bunch of little kids see ghost of the slutty dead chick
>old Dutch guy finally explains that my old boss is fucking shit up all around town possibly raping bitches
>boss rapes my girlfriend, she starts acting weird
>old Dutch guy hypnotises my girlfriend, she tells us where this raper hangs out
>everyone stabs the shit out of the raper-boss
>girlfriend finally chills the fuck out
>happily ever after

>> No.2211952

>>2211950

Sounds nice. Sauce?

>> No.2212086

>be young in soviet russia
>travel constantly
>have dozens of odd jobs
>park, mental asylum, hippie commune, theatre, military base, underground rock scene, small village, cattle train
>nothing (else) to do here
>fuck off

>> No.2212087

>>2211952
Obviously Dracula.

>> No.2212123

>>2212086

Bukowski-ski?

HAHAHAHA

>> No.2212132

>>2211894
I am Legend.

Aight here's a couple. An easy one to start you off:
>Rent a room
>Flirt with landlady because her daughter is hot
>Bang her daughter
>Cross country road trip
>Shit goes bad
>Prison
>Ex-dies in labor

And another (not full novel but still good):
>Read uncle's notes on weird cult
>Put the pieces together
>Terrible realization!
>Go insane and die

And one more (this is plural! And retarded easy. Not even lit worthy.)
>Be a badass diver
>Have a badass mechanical genius best friend
>Save the world
>Fuck hot women

>> No.2212157

>>2211782
rum diaries?

>> No.2212189

>>2211782
Assholes finish First

>> No.2212203

>be bored
>random bitch hits on me
>keep cool alpha persona
>bitch invites me to the beach
>I go with bitch and friend
>some arabs follow us
>I shoot one of them becuase of the sun
>shitstorm ensues
>I insult the priest calling him a fag
>they hang me

>> No.2212252

>be married woman
>bored with husband
>follow your heart
>die
>some country dude who wanted to bang your brother's sister in law finds the meaning of life

>> No.2212256

>>2211593
The Fortress of Solitude

>> No.2212266

>be bourgeois bitch
>husband is faithful but beta
>bored as fuck sitting home all day
>decide that boning some dudes will make things better
>it doesn't work
>kill self

>> No.2212274

>ancient Carthaginian civilization in central Africa
>hunchback fights against endless swarms of niggers with double-bladed axe

>> No.2212436

>squash a bug on the wall

>> No.2212444

>>2211729
Gravity's Rainbow

>> No.2212462

>live in the middle of nowhere
>world is ending
>and not a signle fuck was given

>> No.2212463

>>2212462
The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy?

>> No.2212464

>>2212266
The awakening?

>> No.2212467

>boy falls in love with the world
>the world kills those whom he loves
>boy hates the world
>boy falls back into love with the world when he sees those whom he loves experiencing joy

>> No.2212471

>>2211547
any Holocaust book

>> No.2212473

>>2212467
The Book of Job?

>> No.2212474

>>2212444
not enough sex for it to be GR

>> No.2212477

>>2211729
Alright, I'll say it.

Infinite Jest

>> No.2212478

>Subject
>Middle
>Predicate

>> No.2212481
File: 19 KB, 338x500, ulysses.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2212481

>>2212478

>> No.2212482

>teenage boy butt-raped and castrated in ancient Egypt grows up to become witch doctor who aids the queen and her descendents against court intrigue and foreign invaders

>> No.2212485

>>2211294

possibly the worst book ever, A Separate Peace

>> No.2212486

>astronaut goes through midlife crisis and finally finds solace in American Indian philosophy

>> No.2212487

>>2212481
In record time!

>> No.2212489

>lqnkjalkdhasjdk
>asdjhkhwerioqw
>werjknlquypwrq

Hint: short story

>> No.2212493

>Woman grows up Jewish, mom disabled, dad is abusive
>Decided to be black, Marries serval black men
>Has mutiple half-jew, half-black kids
>One is a journalist who talks about his and his moms past
>something about water and colors
>Mom being a bitch
>Son discovering things about his mom
>realizes his mom is fucking hero.

>> No.2212497

>>2212487
Thank you thank you.
Oh erudition, you have ruined me.

>erryday guy runs this shit like a pro
>flashback: old boss: pull that fucker apart with them fancy cars cuz I'm a cold mutherfuck like that
>minefields-->problem? nah, blow them shits up with thick books
>neighbors-->bamboo shunt traps in front lawn, like a bawss
>opens new school in his pad
>practice punishment in classroom
>goes too far: oops
>in attic reminiscing, wat do?
>pimp hand strong as always

>> No.2212498

>>2212486
Autobiography of David Bowie

>> No.2212501

>So there was this guy and all his friends were partying without him so he decided to go to them and gets caught up with things like a mexican chick and being a security guard and other things and he has a bromance with this one guy through out the book.

>> No.2212507

>>2211593
The Hobbit

>> No.2212508

>taking my son for a walk
>where the fuck is everybody
>ow nigga, someone shot my leg

>> No.2212509

>Be a masochistic Okay Guy
>Get thrown in jail for 10 odd years
>Continue being masochistic Okay Guy
>Get out of jail and become a rich philanthropist fraud masochist Okay Guy
>Get found out and be an underground questionably pedo masochistic Okay Guy
>Die a mega mastochistic Okay Guy

>> No.2212512

>>2212508
Haven't even read it but I'm assuming "The Road"

>> No.2212511

>car accident
>bitch
>drugs
>pain
>more drugs
>more pain
>freedom
>heart attack

>> No.2212514
File: 48 KB, 286x450, uncle-toms-cabin-pic.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2212514

>>2212498
I think you meant Major Tom's Rocket.

>> No.2212515

>>2212501
On the Road.

>> No.2212518

Alright I got one for you fucks:
>Be autistic
>Dead dogs and shit
>Get arrested
>Affair
>Prime numbers out the wazoo
>Dad I am disappoint

>> No.2212520

>>2212518

Shit, I can't remember the title.

The funny incident at half past three in the morning? The cover of the book had an upside dog on it.

>> No.2212521

>>2212485
Holy fuck, thank you. Worst book I have ever read, hands fucking down.

>> No.2212522

>>2212520

Shit, just remembered. It's the Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime.

>> No.2212527

>don't know wtf to do with life
>join army
>train
>get assigned
>try for officer
>pass
>go to war

>> No.2212534

>>2211704
ok, I'm curious, what is this?

>> No.2212537

>>2211715
too easy, catcher in the rye

>> No.2212539

>>2212522
right you are

>> No.2212540

>>2212274

Allan Quatermain?

>> No.2212548
File: 13 KB, 177x259, mfw my dad was crazy with syphilis.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2212548

>try to lucid dream
>get raped by monsters in a mystical land of oneiric wonders
>wander around, meet things with silly names
>there's this guy who can help me out
>lol no he's a rape monster too
>commit suicide
>wake up, nothing happened
>mfw

>> No.2212551

>>2211733
I am legend. So good.

>> No.2212552

>>2212548
this sounds really fucking interesting.

>> No.2212557

>>2212132
what's the middle one?

>> No.2212564

>>2211536

"The fuckin' sun is so bright."

Hahahaha I love that.

>> No.2212574

>>2211558
description of a normal visit to /b/?

>> No.2212584

>dead mother and drunk father
>leave home at 14
>get in drunk fight on a rainy day
>fall in line with a living metaphor of war
>kill mexicans
>kill indians
>absorbed into metaphor
>dance
>the end

>> No.2212598
File: 10 KB, 126x126, 48705385.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2212598

>>2212548

>> No.2212602

>>2212548
Some H.P. Lovecraft story.
Tineye only directs me to the general wiki.

>> No.2212611

>>2212548
Dream-quest of Unknown Kaddath? Total guess.

>stay in your room and sleep a lot
>reminisce about what it was like to be ambulatory and hang out with lots of gay people
>forever a scone

>> No.2212627

>work boring job in advertising
>day consists of telling stories
>boss gets cancer
>people start losing their job
>friend paint balls office
>office life sucks

>> No.2212647

>work in office designing video games
>condensed wall of text
>decide to fuck up the game intentionally
>nothing much happens
>visit mom who's growing her own marijuana stash
>pick up friend who's high on robitussin
>meaningless list
>court coworker by hooking up a belgian keyboard to her computer
>your old boss is sold into slave labor in china
>go to china
>find boss
>he's hooked on heroin and a much nicer guy
>10,000 digits of Pi
>save him
>Zima advertisement
>work on ruining the videogame with office
colleagues some more
>I scorch your loins with coffee that sears like a molten steel patty flipper.
>I smash your bones on rocks of ice churned by spews of cola
>I shall castracte your bulls, rendering them juicy and docile, and i shall salt them with hormones, making them girly-cows.
>you shall remain forever starched with a bottomless styrofoam drinking cup
>end
>play again Y/N?

>> No.2212932

>>2211524
You sound boring as fuck.

>> No.2213526

>livin in India, shit's cash
>love animals
>also love god
>what do you mean I can't be 3 religions?
>boat trip goes bad
>hang out with the supporting cast of The Lion Kings
>very hungry
>how to train cats
>hungry enough to eat some weird shit
>goddammit this island is made of purgatory!
>friend bails when we get to Mexico
>hospital
>telling bullshit stories Japanese reporters
>AND SO IT GOES WITH GOD

>> No.2213544

>>2213526
life of pi, that one was enjoyable

>> No.2213554

>be a kid with 6 friends
>fuck about town being haunted by a monster
>defeat it once, make a promise to come back when it awakens
>come back 27 years later
>defeat said monster
>go our seperate ways and forget about each other

>> No.2213581

>>2213554
IT!

>> No.2213596

>>2213526
>lazy-ass teachers call me 'pissing'

>> No.2213611

>>2211547
a day in the life of ivan denisovich

>> No.2213619

>>2211715
Idk if someones said it yet but a clockwork orange.

>> No.2213621

>>2212584
Blood Meridian.

And now, a book I have never heard discussed on /lit/:
>Drinking with some old man
>He tells me that he's an accidental time traveler
>Did loads of shit that would have entirely altered European history
>All his work is negated by the Church after he gets slingshotted back to modern day
>Finish writing his memories down, and the old fart dies

>> No.2213623

>be living in bumfuck
>the only thing there is to do in town is attend dance parties
>the army is stationed here, wtf
>meet soldiers, rich people at parties
>rich guy wants to marry me, turn him down because he's a jackass
>later see that he lives in a fucking country palace
>he some nice stuff to cushion the disgrace of my sister's sluttiness
>so you're not a jackass afterall, and damn you got one helluva crib
>okay i guess i'll marry you

>> No.2213629

Hello /lit/ could you help me make this sentence more grammaticly correct ?

"Aristotle had a particular one as Earth being the center of the world. "

>> No.2213635

>ride into bumfuck
>visit rich estates and request to purchase deeds to slaves who've recently died
>everyone says i'm scheming to profit from these purchases due to some kind of administrative loophole
>flatly deny these rumors
>later turns out that i *am* scheming to profit from these purchases due to some kind of administrative loophole

>> No.2213676

>>2213621

A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court?

also
>Get hired by sexy rich guy to look after some kids
>Oh God they're so beautiful and perfect
>Suddenly ghosts pop out
>Shit self, tell illiterate maid about it
>Turns out the kids knew them
>Oh God what if they made fuck in front of them
>Try to extort information from a pair of kids like a freak
>Eventually contemplate running away
>No wait I gotta do this, for the kids americathebeautiful.jpg
>Oh God guys the ghost is right here
>What a tweest they can't see it
>Corner the other kid with /ss/ sexual tension
>A wild Ghastly appears!
>Kid faints! (read: fucking dies)

>> No.2213707

>>2211653
post office

>> No.2213711

>be a mathematician
>go to some island
>old fart who owns it does not know what he is doing
>everything fucks up
>old guy dies, i almost die from a leg wound
>end up doing similar shit a few years later on another island

>> No.2213725

>Turn into bug
>Dad throws apple up my ass
>Die

>> No.2213728

>>2213725
The Metamorphosis

>> No.2213732

>>2213725

Hahaha yess that is a very accurate description which makes it even funnier

>> No.2213734

>>2213676
wuthering heights?

also reminds me of the movie 'the others'

>> No.2213740

>>2213725
i was wanting to do that one!

well not as good as yours, but here goes:
>wake up, i'm a fucking insect
>no one really seems to give a shit over this bizarre development, instead they're kinda assholes about it
>fml

>> No.2213744

>meet a crackhead at the playground
>thank god he didn't rape me
>get an inheritance from an anonymous benefactor
>meet some people, go to their houses, psychological character shit ensues
>whaddya know, the crackhead was my benefactor
>that's interesting, i guess

>> No.2213752

>be french drinking with friend
>army walks by, make joke about joining them
>accidentally kind of actually join them
>a wild world war I appears
>oh the fucking horrors, fuck everybody
>get wounded, try to fuck nurse, friendzoned, waiting like a beta for her while argentinians fuck her
>move to niggerdom, fuck niggers too, fucking niggers it's hot as fuck here
>i hate fucking everything
>go back europe
>fucking hate
>etc
>also i'm a doctor i guess

>> No.2213782

>go to mother's funeral
>be with some bitch
>enjoy life
>kill some arab
>go to jail
>be sentenced to death
>die.

>> No.2213797

>bastard ancestors give away family home
>spend copious amounts of money buying then renovating the house's remains
>hear mice borrowing within the walls every night
>eventually decide to find the source of the noise
>gather friends, take them down into caverns below the basement
>alone with one friend
>everyone else catches up to us
>they see me standing next to my friend's body which the rats have half eaten
>for some reason I have indigestion

>> No.2213804

>>2213740

Kefka's Metabolisis.

>> No.2213808

>>2213804

HURR GIT YER HORSES AND RIDE INTO THE WOODS WE'S GONE HUNT SOME BOARDS

It's Kafka you damn yank.

>> No.2213812

>>2213808

>Kefka's Metabolisis
>Kefka
>Metabolisis

I believe this is what constitutes trolling these days.

>> No.2213817

>>2213812
back in my day trolling was a art

>> No.2213832

>Have the dumbest name ever
>I'm crazy
>Few friends, one of them's female
>She has cancer
>Start learning shit about the world with friends
>See some stupid movie
>Hang out with the actor and some artist or some shit
>Find Jesus-Buddha-god baby
>We're all a bunch of faggots

>> No.2213845

>explain how mathematics is a cunt
>stalk guy for years, walk right into that motherfucker
>have incredibly awkward evening out
>fuck prostitute, cry, fuck prostitute again

>> No.2213848

>>2211596
IJ

>> No.2213856

>Live in dystopian shithole
>Government sucks
>Fight the power
>Fall in love
>Try to conspire with this guy
>Turns out he's with the man
>Idiot teenagers reference the book whenever the there is a rule in place that slightly limits anything

>> No.2213881

>>2213856

Catch 22

>> No.2213882

>>2213856
1984

>> No.2213889

>go around the country
>fuck mexican bitches
>get money
>chill with all my niggas
>likeabaws.jpg

>> No.2213891

>>2213889
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TD_pSeNelU

>> No.2213897

>>2213832
VALIS

>> No.2213981

>>2213797
Lovecraft, The Rats in the Walls
>>2213782
Camus, The Stranger
>>2213744
Dickens, Great Expectations?

>> No.2213986

>Hot jailbait wants my dick
>I took that bitch on a road trip, bitches love road trips

>> No.2213991

Hurry up and finish with your stupid fucking greentext thread. Im sicking of having it on my front page.

>> No.2213994

>>2213991

>tripfag can't into 4chan Plus minimalize thread

>> No.2214002

>Abolitionist searches for father in Africa
>falls in love with slave trader
>epic safari
>battles against slavers and bandits

>> No.2214005

>>2213981

You got my Lovecraft greentext? I haven't read the Rats in the Walls for years, I figured I'd gotten every other detail completely wrong.

>> No.2214014

>>2213994
>tripfag can't into 4chan Plus minimalize thread

They don't have any macbook add ons for safari.

>> No.2214020

>>2213981
yeah great expectations is what i was going for

>> No.2214030

>be a sandnigger
>trying to bring monotheism to the pagan fucks of north africa
>make covenant with god to spread monotheism in exchange for being able to establish great tribe
>wife is barren, doesn't quite compute
>we fuck in the dark one night, have a kid
>turns out it was the housekeeper on behest of wife
>kick out housekeep with the love-child
>have child with wife
>god tells me to take him up to top of a mountain and kill his ass
>take him to top of mountain
>tie him up
>about to slash his throat
>all of a sudden, god: "LOL I TROLL U DOT JPEG!!!"
>fml

>> No.2214032

>>2214030
Abraham Lincoln

>> No.2214034

>>2211256
Bukowski!

>> No.2214043

>>2211256
Factotum.

>> No.2214045

>Trying to bury my dead mother.
>Family is a collection of the mentally ill and incompetent.
>Father sells my horse without asking.
>Brother sets fire to a barn due to his insanity.
>Beat the shit out of him when we get into town.
>Had him over to the police.
>Bury mother.
>Leave.

>> No.2214066

>decide to help an idiot con a girl out of her fortune
>fall in love with her
>turns out girl and idiot were conning me
>WHAT A TWEEST
>somehow everything ends up okay

>> No.2214072
File: 34 KB, 302x397, 1289260127999.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2214072

Judging from this thread you would think all books are about fucking insane people.

...makes sense, I guess

>> No.2214076

>Live in Columbia.
>Kill guy over a cock fight.
>Move elsewhere in the country with wife to avoid issues with neighbors.
>Settle with friends in an uninhabited area.
>Form a new town.
>Have shit tonnes of kids.
>Befriend a mystical magical traveling gypsy.
>Gypsy man leaves.
>One of my sons leaves with him.
>Everybody gets a disease that causes memory loss, to the point where we cannot even remember how to sleep.
>Almost die, but am saved my the return of the magical gypsy man.
>Gypsy man writes down some cryptic shit in the back room of house, dies while saying something about the sands of Singapore.
>Children are having children.
>One of my sons grows up to be a general.
>Son who went with gypsies returns.
>General-son starts a revolution.
>Children's children are having children now.
>Moderate incest and bestiality is going on in the background.
>Great general-son lost war, attempts suicide, fails.
>Gypsy-son turns up dead one day, for no particular reason, his blood flows in a line to the door of our house.
>Banana corporation moves in.
>Dreaming of infinite rooms, lost in them, frantically trying to find the real room with my real body, eventually stopped and consoled by the man I had killed over a cock fight 100 years ago.
>Die.
>Children's children's children's have children ect.
>It starts to rain and doesn't stop.
>It doesn't stop
>Really, it does't.
>Ok, now it stops.
>Now the rain won't come back.
>Town is deserted
>Incest is going on between the last 2 living members of my line.
>Cryptic letters of gypsy man are finally translated by the male.
>The last page says that the town will be blown away by a gust of wind.
>Wind comes.
>Everybody is dead.
>End.

>> No.2214084

>>2214045

Something written by Falkner.

Got it, its "As I Lay Dying"

>> No.2214086

>>2214076
One Hundred Years of Solitude

>> No.2214088

>>2214072

Don't be silly, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, art is madness!

>> No.2214090

>>2214076
>Columbia

there is no country named columbia.

the other greentext of that book was better

>> No.2214091

>Some guy says some inconsequential shit about me
>Now I hate this guy
>REALLY FUCKING HATE THIS GUY
>Invite him over
>Tell him I got THE motherfucking wine
>Get him drunk
>Put him in a fucking wall

>> No.2214105

>Be Jesus on a ship
>Some crazy guy accuses me of mutiny.
>Punch him
>He dies
>Get hanged
>Also, by paths, by paths everywhere.

>> No.2214111

>Go on trip to France with a bro
>Bro murdered
>Go on epic journey across Europe to discover the cause of my erectile dysfunction

>> No.2214116

>Reminisce with neighbors over the past of a perceptually eccentric women's history in our quiet, southern community, shorty after her death of old age.
>BREAK INTO HER HOUSE
>BREAK INTO HER BEDROOM
>HOLY SHIT SE WAS FUCKING A CORPSE

>> No.2214122

>Jewish yuppie to receive large inheritance
>but gives up inheritance in pursuit of adventure
>falls in love with Jewish woman
>moves to Israel and joins Israeli airforce
>fights sandniggers
>girlfriend gets blinded in terrorist attack
>best friend dies in front of his eyes in dogfight
>goes berserk and chase fighter jet into enemy territory
>gets shot down, but survive with severe burns and extreme disfiguration
>booted out of airforce for disobeying orders
>surgery restores girlfriend's eyesight
>girlfriend screams at first sight of boyfriend's disfigured face
>commit suicide with airplane

>> No.2214126

>>>2213676

The Turn of the Screw?

>> No.2214129

>>2214122
United 93

>> No.2214136

>Be a lonely Indian man Taxi driver.
>Have wife that loathes me.
>Find whore tourist women who admits to me that she cheats.
>Prod her a little.
>Get rejected.
>Continue to drive my taxi in India

>> No.2214138

>>2214076
>>Columbia

I forgot about that García Márquez novel that takes place in South Carolina.

>> No.2214141

>Go to the future.
>See major problems occurring.
>Return to present.
>Nothing is resolved.

>> No.2214149

>>2214138

>García Márquez novel that takes place in South Carolina

I'd read it.

>> No.2214155

>live with abusive foster family
>a giant takes me away on a flying motorcycle to an academy for the gifted
>when you try to enter the women's dorms, the staircase turns into a slide
>the ring must be destroyed
>get my bro to destroy the ring
>some frail, resurrected sorcerer manages basically to take over EVERYTHING, mainly due to political influence, not really superior magical ability, seeing as the government has virtually no security forces of its own, which seems odd considering that they fell to this very same threat not 20 years ago
>i wind up just fucking murdering the dude
>troll my kids by giving them weird names
>the end

>> No.2214163

>>2214155

>read first sentence
>dat potter

>> No.2214167

>invent stationary time machine
>visit various time periods in the future
>time machine gets destroyed
>encounters highly advanced and friendly robot society capable of creating Von Neumann probes
>requests replica of his original time machine from robots
>travels back to time period where he committed a crime of letting helpless creatures die
>leaps into monster pit unarmed
>monsters devour him

>> No.2214175

>Yokel gets out of jail
>Turtle crosses a road
>Yokel grabs turtle and carries him around for a bit
>Forgets about turtle, does some other shit, goes west, kills a man
>Totally irrelevant to the story of the turtle

>> No.2214190

>Famous general in Byzantine empire fights against robotic gods from the future in alternate history timeline

>> No.2214193

>Dude on a boat in the Pacific
>He rescues a stowaway, everybody else is a dick
>Fuck that, now the story is about some pretentious ass in inter-War Europe
>Author gets sick of that, time for a really bad '70's mystery thriller
>Nigga please, the present is where it's at. Old book publisher gets sent to retirement home
>But then a cloned slave is a genius and escapes captivity
>Whoops! The bombs dropped and now we are following an uneducated young man in post-apocalyptic Hawaii
>He experiences the horrors of war and we get sent back to the past
>Clone finds the truth and causes civil unrest
>Old fart escapes retirement
>Mystery heroine survives, I wish she didn't
>European ponce goes insane, makes a masterpiece
>Now we're back in the Pacific and he almost gets poisoned
>Some metaphor about drops in an ocean
>Everybody sheds a single tear, author grins smugly

>> No.2214198

>Talk shit with random professor guy
>Fight big cock friend who tried to fuck little penis sex slave
>Fuck this: crashes a party and eat the whole fauna of the region
>Fuck this once again: leave
>Get on boat
>Shave
>Begin new life in city pretending to be a slave so can get an easy life (?)
>Erection problems

>> No.2214201

>Kid runs away from home
>Joins gang of filibusters
>We gonna kill us some Injun savages
>Mexicans are easier
>But then they were the savages
>Creepy dude dances and doesn't sleep and doesn't die

>> No.2214205

> buildin railroads like a boss
>economys tanking
> building steel alloys like a boss
> the workers are going home
> glorious golden capitalist utopia

>> No.2214208

>>2214198
>>2214111
Pynchonmind

>> No.2214215

>subliminal messages from cellphones turn everyone into flesh-eating zombies
>author takes the premise of his story seriously and doesn't own a cellphone

>> No.2214220

>Can't find the hooker with beautiful ears
>Go to a hotel
>Do nothing
>Sheep man gives life lessons
>Befriend beautiful 13 years-olg psychic girl
>Think about falling in love with her
>Do nothing
>Encounter old high-school friend who is handsome, successful, rich, intelligent, and (secretly) a killer
>Do nothing
>Find out hooker girl is dead
>Do nothing
>Meet the parents of psy-girl
>Single armed poet dies
>Do nothing
>Psychic girl discovers successful friend is the killer of the hooker
>Bang the girl who works at hotel
>Have a nightmare

>> No.2214223

>>2214208

Sorry, no.

If you want I give you the right answer.

>> No.2214225

>>2212584
>>2214201
Been done.

>> No.2214237

>>2214225
Your mother's been done many times before. But that doesn't stop us from doing here again.

>> No.2214245

>Memory problems
>Observes the nature, mountain produces a bizarre sound
>Son is cheating his wife, feel pity for her, but decide to, huh, wait (?) and see if the situation gets better
>Daughter let go of her husband and comes back home. She is a bitch
>Nature
>Little things
>Chat
>Talk to the son's mistress, woman is nuts (but nobody can win against her arguments)
>Wait
>Life continues
>Nothing changes
>THE END

>> No.2214252

>Brother was a writer, died so its the perfect time to write a book about him
>Don't know own brother
>Ask some people
>Think brother was a stalion, scoring all the girls
>Brother is gay

>> No.2214261

>>2214205

Ayn Rand's Atlas bleh?

>> No.2214262

>>2214237
>that doesn't stop us from doing here again.
>doing here again.
>here
Must be hard to do a site.
whysodefensivebro?

>> No.2214267

>hang around with some old dude on zoloft or something while chasing ass
>all my shit burns down
>meet a bitch with one ass cheek
>run around some more
>buy a sheep
>realize that life sucks

>> No.2214270

>>2214267

Lol

Wich is this?

>> No.2214272

>>2214262
>Made a spelling mistake
>I ain't even mad
>Resume fucking your mother

>> No.2214278

>>2214272
>>2214262

Ladies, please, don't fight.

Lets be friends and talk about books. :)

>> No.2214283

>>2214270
candide

>> No.2214285

>>2214272
umad?umad.

>> No.2214288

>>2214283

Its true! How could I forget?

Thx, friend!

>> No.2214298

>i killed some bitches
>OR DID I

>> No.2214308

>>2213554
Fuck I remember this one, read it in 12th grade. Some gothic horror, this is gonna kill me....
He ends up putting the guy in his wall in his wine cellar. FUUUUU-

>> No.2214311

>>2214215
Stephen King, Cell

>> No.2214316

>>2214298
American Psycho?

>> No.2214319

>kill some old chick for some reason
>complain about it
>turn self in
>everything went better than expected

>> No.2214323

>>2214319
CP!
That is to say, Crime and Punishment.

>> No.2214324

>retarded old man runs around with a truck driver
>emo kid runs away
>kills dad
>fucks mom, sister
>old man dies
>???

>> No.2214328

>Star Wars but with dragons

>> No.2214330

>>2214324

Kafka on the Shore.

I posted another murakami here, can you find it?

>> No.2214332

>>2214220
Dance Dance Dance

>> No.2214333

>New Testament in the far future, maybe.

>> No.2214334

>>2214333
....Dune?

>> No.2214338

>>2214334
Nope.

>> No.2214347

>>2214316
yeppers

>> No.2214350

First of all, I <3 this thread and the fact that it's still going.
Second, I really wanna know these so I can read em:
>>2212132
>>2211704
>>2211672
>>2211603
>>2211596
>>2211558
The middle one for this:
>>2211530
>>2214167
>>2212647
>>2212548

>> No.2214365

>there the old man
>his job ees to catch the feesh
>so he get in the boht
>try and catch feesh
>he catch feesh, but da feesh very strong
>so he cannot reel feesh
>he fight the feesh more
>finally catch feesh
>on way home shark come
>shark eet feesh
>he no make a da monee
>sadface.jpeg

>> No.2214368
File: 42 KB, 360x500, cube01.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2214368

>>2214116
Faulkner's "A Rose For Emily".

> Be a 15 year old girl
> Stalked around by a 50 year old guy
> Learn philosophy from him
> My life is dictated by a soldier stationed in Lebanon
> mfw I am a character in a book
> mfw I escape

>> No.2214402

>sister's spoiled bitch sister comes to visit
>she is a spoiled bitch
>forced sex
>she gets taken to a mental hospital

>> No.2214563

>making ad copy, use nice pastoral scene
>asshole mobster forces me to track down sheep in picture
>nope.jpg
>girlfriend with perfectly shaped ears convinces me to look
>I guess so
>The professor speaks, sheepman at the Dolphin
>The Rat is no more
>all of my wut, cry on a beach

>> No.2215072

>>2214563
A Wild Sheep Chase

>> No.2215938

Amazingthread