Poetry Thread

[Anonymous No.22110656]

post your poetry

I find it hard to admit
that I am bound to follow
the seasons of my passion
like the waves of the sea,
changes and returns

if I could, I would wake
all day and night reciting
and conjuring Your secrets
but I am weak and vain
I am distracted by temptation
they lead me astray merely
guessing, merely guessing
when I know in my heart
that You are near and
I'd like to forget her

[Anonymous No.22111631]

>>22110656
cuck poem but ill bump the thread fag

Big green balmy wreaths
on you I enjoy to laude
heavy laurel crowns

but your listless eyes
met my many gifts with wisps
thanks through many frowns

fragrant offerings
dismissed by your lithe hands wave
an old dog put down

[Anonymous No.22111649]

> micz.substack.com/p/the-sum

A poem about visiting an old friend.

[Anonymous No.22111661]

>>22111649
Shit ...
That's fucking amazing, I loved it. Like absolutely loved it.

[Anonymous No.22111936]

Hand over wrist
I strain against or
do I?

[aaa No.22111943]

[Anonymous No.22112797]

how do i get into reading poetry

theres so many of them and i dont know what i like. its alot harder than just reading novels.

[Anonymous No.22112817]

>>22112797
Get yourself a good anthology, that's how i did it. That way you can see poetry from across the ages, from different authors, different forms, topics, and you can see what you like and what you don't like. You will see some authors that really worked for you and then you can get works from them. There are poetry anthologies that have commentaries and introductions, maybe you would like those but it isnt necessary to get into it, just finding what you personally like and going from there.

[Anonymous No.22112827]

>>22111649
God awful

[Anonymous No.22112833]

How do I do words good
I'll cut you with my sword
Unless you do words good
And make me feel unbored

[Anonymous No.22112845]

if a poem doesn't rhyme, it's shit
you can't change my mind

[Anonymous No.22113091]

In the tapestry of life, diverse and vast,
The human form varies, a marvel unsurpassed.
From ebony skin to features unique,
Expressions of beauty, strength, and mystique.

A black penis, a symbol of masculinity,
Yet more than that, a part of humanity.
A testament to the wonders of creation,
Igniting passion, forming connections, sensation.

[Anonymous No.22113249]

https://pastebin.com/Q7Z7hVB4

[Anonymous No.22113421]

>>22113091
You would prefer another penis
A military penis you can defer to
If penises are your happiness
Penis planet welcomes you

[Anonymous No.22113437]

>>22110656

>NEET chronicles remindsmeofher.png

>>22111631

>"style has a substance of its own"

>>22111649

>"mid thought"

>>22111943

>"poet screed"

>>22112833

>"gooed"

>>22113091

>"A Paean for Mr. High-T"

[Anonymous No.22113451]

It occurred to me, after interrogating
the Infalibilist's Universal Encyclopedia
that I know nothing
about the world. It doesn't matter
which number resides as numerator
when the denominator is infinite—
the result is still zero, a mere
rounding error.

This is not an insight,
though it is a fact of the matter
to be matter of fact.

[Anonymous No.22113784]

>>22110656
First stanza is not bad.


>>22111649
Best one

>>22111943
Could be fun flow is off

[Anonymous No.22113839]

Empty-hand angler
Averts the visage of his
Pale lakeside image

[Anonymous No.22113873]

>>22113839
why
>averts the visage of his
and not the simpler (and less pretentious)
>doesn't want to look at his

[Anonymous No.22113898]

>>22113873
see >>22112845

[Anonymous No.22113900]

>>22113873
>noooooo poetry is not supposed to be poetic!!!

[Anonymous No.22113912]

>>22113873
His is better. I also give points for visage / lakeside for some reason.

[Anonymous No.22113950]

Here's my poem from the second round of my (mandatory) high school poetry slam contest

[Anonymous No.22113966]

>>22110656
kinda reads more like a confessional journal entry than a poem to me, but you have a good sense of flow

>>22111631
diction is neat but this doesn't flow together at all and reads like you just stuck together a bunch of words you thought sounded pretty together but aren't organized in a flattering way
i like the sudden reversal in mood with the very last line

>>22111649
best one here probably, good stuff

>>22111943
i appreciate the sentiment, but i wish it was expressed more subtly (even though subtlety is clearly not what you were going for)

>>22113451
i hate attempted expressions of humility because they never come across as such

>>22113839
i don't really know the ins and outs of what makes a haiku good, but i thought this was neat.
usually haikus are serene, uplifting, or even cutesy/humorous, but this one is cold and sad. kinda refreshing

[Anonymous No.22114033]

>>22113950
>(mandatory)
that sucks lol
seems like you had fun making this though, at least. and it's not bad

[Anonymous No.22114060]

>>22111661
>>22113784
>>22113966
Thank you. .
I was worried the topic makes it easy to dismiss. really glad some people liked it.
I've been trying to write these little 'short stories' as though they've been scribbled down on the side of the road .

>>22112827
>>22113437
=(

[Anonymous No.22114064]

>>22114033
Thanks! It wasn't a bad experience at all. I actually not only made it to the third round but actually won

[Anonymous No.22114129]

>>22113437
Listen up nigger.
I’m pale white,
Nine fucking inches,
And I’ve never felt
The touch of a woman.

Except when I’m jerking off,
Like I’m doing right now,
And I’m imagining some
Pink haired bitch
From the game or anime on my mind.

I dropped out of high school.
I’m going to college in a month.
I can fly an airplane.
Yesterday, at the stoplight,
I had an overwhelming urge to flee.
Just get out of the car. Avoid
Everyone crossing the boundary lines,
The ones I haven’t learned yet.

It’s so hard to decide.
Accelerate me through the windshield
And maybe I can fly without terror.

The decision.
Making the decision.
It is worse than death.
To choose life over death is not a choice at all.
Neither is life.

You can’t understand what it means
To be at a stoplight, surrounded by cars,
All focused on a single point.
All observers, unable to move
Until the order comes from on high.

Crowds I like.
People disgust me.
Groups disturb me.
Line them up against the wall.
I’m so much smarter than you.

Posted from my iPad mini.

[Anonymous No.22114195]

>>22111649
despite the anxious ending, I think the poem is sweet and makes me think about friends who have gone to live abroad and the conversations we have when we see each other every couple of years are always preceded by nervousness which is otherwise absent in my life
I am curious as to why you chose quatrains and the traditional capitalization of each line, it works okay with the theme but there cold be forms that fit it even better
I haven't posted anything in a while because I'm headed toward publishing and anons advised me not to post here but I figured once in a blue moon is fine so here's an excerpt from a a longer poem

[Anonymous No.22114245]

>>22114195
That is exactly what it's about. Visiting an old friend abroad, waiting for a bus in the middle of dusty nowhere.
Anxious ending seems to be the prevailing consensus here. And i agree. Close rhyme often feels that way and since the middle of the poem flows better and tries to avoid end stopped lines that only extenuates the abrupt feeling at the end.
Agh...

>I am curious as to why you chose quatrains and the traditional capitalization of each line,

To be honest i was reading a lot of Richard Wilbur at the time and he does exactly that.
Also the poem before this was more free flowing and experimental and i wanted to do something clean after it.
No the best reasons perhaps, but thats why.


Anyway I absolutely love the first half , before the iron bit. It's both a good description and doesn't fall into the trap of overusing technical language. Feels like a kid looking up at the world and noticing that the people around him smell funny.
I love it.
Later (and i admit to being overly sensitive to this) it reads more like a list, which may part of the point if it follows into something.

[Anonymous No.22114306]

>>22114245
>Also the poem before this was more free flowing and experimental and i wanted to do something clean after it.
I understand completely, it's a fair reason
>Agh...
am I to understand you weren't going for an anxious ending? I think it's perfect, a poem is "a high-energy construct" after all and that ending manages to transfer all the energythe poem has collected to me (the reader) so I'd say it's good
>Later (and i admit to being overly sensitive to this) it reads more like a list, which may part of the point if it follows into something.
it's a kind of list, yes
my use of colons here (and in other parts of the poem and other poems) is a mechanism I establish to denote simultaneousness especially of things which are not exactly compatible
I believe our ability to hold paradoxical beliefs and be part of paradoxical relationships and stand for paradoxical properties is what human is

[Anonymous No.22114337]

>>22114306
>am I to understand you weren't going for an anxious ending?
I was but i think it stands out as cutesy and dismissive. Im not all that happy with it.
I do like that it bookends the poem tho. That's why it's there.

> use of colons
That's fair. I just start finding it grating when people aiming for the transcendental just give up on connectives and start listing off things that sound about right. Even the most modern of modernists thought it was a bad habit.
There is a reason people skip the ship catalogue in the Iliad, and i say that as someone who likes it .

But i dont want to sound like im complaining i really like it overall. It's hard to judge a small part when it's clearly building up to something larger then itself.

[Anonymous No.22114650]

>>22114337
>I just start finding it grating when people aiming for the transcendental just give up on connectives
you're correct in that it could be done better
luckily this is WIP so I'm already on it
thanks anon

[Anonymous No.22115155]

>>22114129
could be good if you smooth the cringe over (you know what parts Im talking about) and try to come off as less self-pitying

[Anonymous No.22116017]

Solid poetry thread.
Bumpy bump!

[Anonymous No.22116164]

>>22116017
bumperoni

[Anonymous No.22116444]

>>22112845
If it doesn't rhyme it's shit
You can't change my mind
Yet even though this rhymes a bit
It's still of the shit kind

[Anonymous No.22116528]

Milk and cream
The color of sucrose
A blended clay that's folded in winsome it spills wine staining stones
Into a flowing brook with shimmery shine of reflective design
Its floating lines
Of hallucination dream wearer
In the ether layers
Of painted prayers
And lost nature
Its here were the stars stare

[Anonymous No.22116559]

>>22113873
Not him but it's assonant. You're getting vowel clusters, first e and a, then the and of form an uh either side of an i-a-e cluster, before going into i-a-e. I'm not doing the various IPA phonetics of it because they're slightly different a sounds and so on, but it's a good example of how assonance can make more arcane language flow better than a less pretentious one.
Likewise people remember things like
>Thou shalt not kill
Or
>Thirty days hath September
Because the natural beat and its common repetition gives it a flair which overrides attempts at simpler or more direct phrasing. We learn the rhythm and tone of languages as children first, and semantics comes much later. Good poetry taps into that natural series of falls and rises, which is why controlling line length and meter to your purpose also makes it easier on the reader.

[Anonymous No.22117126]

mmm poem tree

[Anonymous No.22117692]

What am I doing wrong in my meter ?


I see with new eyes now, the foolish things
That can be found in this futile game
I know less of, how winds shall blow and twist
Than more I know of how does fall the rain

[Anonymous No.22117712]

>>22110656
this is about my grandma who had alzheimers when i was a kid. she was my best friend. i've worked up the courage to actually visit her grave for the first time

you remembered me last time
i'm sure you forgot about it
and that was so many years ago

when you left, i came to visit
but i couldn't bear the graveside
it's been thirteen long years
since we've seen each other
i hope you remember me this time

[Anonymous No.22117772]

>>22117712
>tfw dad died of Alzheimer's a couple years
>tfw he had been in an old folk's home for a few years by then
>tfw I was only 24 at the time
It still hurts Anon

[Anonymous No.22117907]

>>22117772
she practically raised me until i was 7. then she started forgetting things. visited her all the time still. then we had to put her in a home. looking back, i'm amazed that she remembered me until the end. she died when i was 10.
now i get scared if my dad even forgets his keys on the counter. developed an intense fear of forgetting things so i just absorb everything and try to hold onto it all.

[Anonymous No.22117942]

>>22115155
Supposed to be in a sarcastic tone, the parts you’re talking about is part of the mockery.
I can see your perspective, I wrote it in five minutes to shitpost after all, but I think it’s inherently flawed due to that. It requires a specific time of insincere shitposter to appreciate.
I should rip out the stuff about cars and make that a poem. I like pink haired bitch, though, but only in mockery…

[Anonymous No.22117948]

>>22110656
I used to use this as a mantra of self-hatred. It’s silly looking back, but boy does it remind me of a bad era.
Every act is the will of another’s.
Every failure, solely his own.
Arm-in-arm, no sisters nor brothers.
Fatefully he retreats all alone.
Solitude brings him nothing but comfort.
No tears, only numbness and bliss.
Watching others these feelings convert,
into envy of “true love’s first kiss.”
Fool of all trades, forgetful of each,
the armless poet will voicelessly screech.
Eyeless watcher, thoughtless writer,
the hands at his throat every moment grow tighter.
Nothing he can give, though all is required.
Of life,
of people,
of himself,
he grows tired.

[Anonymous No.22118038]

>>22117942
or you can make two poems, one with the car stuff and another with the mockery

[Anonymous No.22118170]

EZRA:

Writing forming
Is for men
Lightning striking
Unto them

[Anonymous No.22118211]

wrote this for a college class a few years ago pls tell me if it's lame or not:

Your face melts against mine in the warmest way
Our fingers meld together
Wrist bones colliding painlessly
Breath mingling
And no distinguishing
Whose breath belongs to who

Doughy skin removes itself from my bones
To cling to your own in security
Legs intertwine and your sweat becomes mine
I hear myself through your ears
Our capillaries merge,
Separate bloodstreams into one

Our ribs open to embrace one another
Heartbeats ringing in sync
Until we are consumed by our love
And finally become
As close as two people can be
And that is: being one

[Anonymous No.22118238]

I used to see Poseidon in the waves
Scylla and Charybdis
Now you're not even salted anymore
Even my eyes don't string

[Anonymous No.22118691]

>>22117712
Dont know about the poetry but the emotion is real

[Anonymous No.22118919]

>>22118211
it's not lame per se, but some lines like the last one make things explicit or are too explanatory instead of evoking images
>our ribs open
is good imagery
>and no distinguishing whose breath belongs to who
is unnecessary

[Anonymous No.22119021]

>>22118238
>Even my eyes don't string
string?

[Anonymous No.22119258]

"A puppet show, remember that, inspired Goethe with his Faust!"

If ye think to try your hand at noble Art-creation,
Keep in mind, above all else, your source of inspiration!
For without sight, or truthful purpose, the poem is but matter,
Stuff of deserts, desolation, fool thoughts that time will scatter,
Brutally along it's sombre waves.

For poetry is above all Art, the noblest of reasons,
For human living, breathing through all the eternal seasons!
Of man, as he, since the antique days of Homer
Has wrought and crafted works, inspiring righteous fervour
From all artists great and true.

[Anonymous No.22119358]

>>22118170
Always seeking
Found when
Light leaking
Eyes seven
Trunk splitting
Wrath of heaven
Vajra writing
On hearts of men

[Anonymous No.22119424]

>>22119358
im glad my shity poem could inspire u frien ill add this as a note in my book

[Anonymous No.22119468]

>>22119424
In Norse when lightning splits a tree trunk it's called "víg" which is etymologically related to the weapon Vajra and mythologically related to the hammer of Þór.
Priests vígja (consecrate/bless) a church. A killer commits víg when he send someone to the afterlife.

[Anonymous No.22119477]

>>22119468
the pen then is the vig of the soul, it wrenches open the hearts of men and commits them eternally to the page

[Anonymous No.22119516]

>>22119477
damn, he's going all out

[Anonymous No.22119522]

>>22119516
shut up cucky this is a 100% real natural conversation on lit

[Anonymous No.22119593]

In the vast tapestry of human interactions, there are moments when the currents of unkindness emerge from the depths of one's being, casting shadows upon unsuspecting souls. Such acts of cruelty, seemingly arising out of nowhere, hold within them a profound mystery.
Yet, let us not surrender to the darkness that dwells within, for empathy and understanding can serve as beacons of light amidst the gloom. For in the face of unexplained malice, the power to observe, give and receive beauty and transcend lies within us all.

Or you can be a nigger like>>22119522

[Anonymous No.22119683]

>>22117692
Someone please help? Bump

[Anonymous No.22119720]

>>22117692
i SEE with NEW eyes NOW, the FOOLish THINGS
that CAN be FOUND in THIS FUtile GAme
i KNOW LESS of, how WINDS shall BLOW and TWIST
than MORE i KNOW of HOW does FALL the RAIN

as you can see lines the meter breaks in lines two and three if you want the stresses in the right parts of the word otherwise you'd have to say awkward things like fuTIle or stress a preposition like 'of'

[Anonymous No.22119754]

I see now the foolish things
Found in this futile game
Wind of fate twists and brings
Sunshine after rain

[Anonymous No.22119879]

Do you guys take prose poems around here?

[Anonymous No.22119941]

>>22119879
>m-may I express myself sir?
No.

[Anonymous No.22120019]

>>22119593
ur a nigger, lmao

[Anonymous No.22120282]

>>22119720
I gotya be honest though it sounded fine like that to me (with it be fu-TILE and so on as all iambs) am I retarded or something. It seems like where the stress falls in any given word seems a bit subjective?? If I’m wrong or misguided please, tell me. Thanks for the feedback btw

[Anonymous No.22120678]

April is the cruellest month, mixing
Lilacs out of the dead earth, stirring
Memory and desire, breeding,
Dull roots and forgetful rain.

Tobacco dreams of crystal stairs
On which one could get nice and drunk
And make a melancholy prayer
For champagne chicks admiring skunks.

[Anonymous No.22120862]

>>22120678
Pretty good, what you did with Eliot’s stanza and I dig yours besides the admiring skunks part, doesn’t really fit in my opinion

[Anonymous No.22121694]

bump

[Anonymous No.22121901]

>>22120282
I think you should look at a dictionary

[Anonymous No.22122498]

The poem is translated:

Title:Common Destination

Misty, dark the sea and somewhere yonder, out of sight.
On a wooden, leaky platform
in the midst of anguish, we join our mute candles.
Resurrection of the pelagic moonlight.

Two candles, if we hold in our embrace
their glow will guide us.
No matter the uncertain yelp of waves,
no matter the vastness of the darkness

[Anonymous No.22122671]

>>22121901
You do realize that it’s our regular speech that dictates what ends up going into dictionaries and now what’s in dictionaries dictating speech right?

[Anonymous No.22122678]

>>22122671
that doesn't mean words don't have defined stressed and unstressed syllables you absolute retard, a dictionary has these shown so it will make it easier to figure out the meter
try saying a word like blessed and put the stress on -ed at the end see how it sounds

[Anonymous No.22122685]

Politics for the poet is the death of the artist.

[Anonymous No.22122735]

>title: how easily these words fall onto the page
Absolute
Unalterable
Inalienable
God's Divine Law Reigns Supreme
It is in us.
Of us.
For us.
It demands us
But loves us
Eternal and incalculable
Incomprehensible
We submit.
Not a sparrow falls without
God's consent.
It is our only hope, only salvation
Otherwise chastisement and
Damnation.
Doomed in the eternal, but also in this world;
A vacuum, nothingness, blackness, wickedness
From which to be saved.
If only we
Repent
Relent our pride
Forsake those false gods, so strange to our hearts
Those devils of human make
That Prometheus.

I consign myself to the Lord.

[Anonymous No.22122933]

>>22110656

Knightlyst of the cataract
formlessness of the eye
coalescing into light
gone

in spectres of gyres / coinage of Nero to pay
stained glass
slivers of the informed inner
hazed black
inspector of fire / Troy's end of heros of great

know self
catalyst to Katabasis lost within shards broken
omens of collection
envisioning ...

fragments lost in the distance
ancient sadness
wading in ponds adrift
the One weeps
on the crux of itself

death

the eye of the silent one
the world of the colorless
the Man of the worldless
accosted by thine, wisped

no more, non-amour, known-mortality

the drink white may gone force yours truly.

in carnations of the fall
Incarnations of the Fall

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUib-q-qdAY

[Anonymous No.22122951]

>>22110656
I make some shit up
for another shitty thread.
Posting on the can.

[Anonymous No.22122955]

>>22122951
replying to fix line formatting

[Anonymous No.22123032]

>>22122933
>checked
First passable offering since the Haiku.

[Anonymous No.22123330]

>>22122933
checked
very good use of language in places but overall too schizo
also fuck outta here with that 3edgy5me youtube cringe

[Anonymous No.22123334]

What books can I read to understand how to read/write poetry more effectively? History of poetry books also welcome

[Anonymous No.22123362]

>>22123334
Poetic Meter and Form
At least survey knowledge of English poetry
Fluency in another modern language, and at least survey knowledge of its poetic tradition
Reading knowledge in any classical language, and at least survey knowledge of its poetic tradition
All of this is a good start

[Anonymous No.22123392]

I've got some questions for you.


Did you notice the forked fleshed behind the teeth?
Did you feel the scales underneath?

I was sad when I found out you used to be a whore,
which made me upset I still had a core.

Did you think I'd care about you being used?
Did you think fucking for money wouldnt make me amused?

I do wish we could of sat unmasked,
sometimes it makes me like you more knowin you lied when I asked.

Did you know I wanted more than just your real name?
Did you know I loved every part of us that was the same?

I dealt double when I called you my valentine,
but maybe I was only playing the role of a serpentine.

Do you think this poem is true?
Do you know if I do?

[Anonymous No.22123441]

>>22123362
i wrote >>22123392 so keep my mastery of poetry in mind

that seems like a lot of boring shit to do and a lot of work to write POETRY

[Anonymous No.22123472]

A Serpent's Advice

We make use of dichotomies, like coldness and heat
Brightness and darkness, opaqueness and clarity
An algorithm simply to render things concrete
This alludes to a question, what contrasts with disparity?

Submersed in oblivion, deafly betwixt
Turn sense on itself and behold an infinity
Scourge to the godmind, how cruelly affixed
This essence of chaos, a blasphemous trinity

[Anonymous No.22123648]

>>22123362
Thanks

[Anonymous No.22123694]

>>22123441
>boring shit to do
I don't know, anon. Those very things and their prerequisites form the bulk of my most memorable experiences. It's a lifestyle. I didn't even get a very early start; I was bilingual by 18, but all my classical languages came later. But to each their own.
I guess just read the Paul Fussell book if all you want is to dabble. I'll pity the fact that you'll miss out on any truly ancient tradition, but I suppose it'll be fine if you fill your life with other things at least as substantial.

[Anonymous No.22123706]

>>22123441
Okay, I read your poem. It seems like you're experimenting and having fun at the moment, and the results are rather fun too. The Paul Fussell book will certainly help you, but not as much as falling utterly in love with one poet's oeuvre. At this stage, simply pick any in your native language.

[Anonymous No.22124023]

>>22122678
I’ve heard futile pronounced the way I have it, I’m sorry that you’re too much of a shut in nigger to be exposed to contemporary speech

[Anonymous No.22124036]

>>22117907
You and I are in opposites of sorts. While my dad, as mentioned, is dead, I still live with my grandmother (and my mom, too, they're both physically disabled and I'm their caretaker). Her ill health had always been physical, but recently her mental health and clarity has been getting worse. Confusion, irritability, and memory issues are all daily occurrences now. She used to be able to use her phone for the most part, now she can't even understand the difference between the contact page and the call log. I fear she won't be with us for very much longer.

[Anonymous No.22124044]

>>22120282
I don't have a horse in your race, but I'm just letting you know that I personally fucking suck at finding where stress falls. I can't point it out and I have a very hard time hearing it. But in my defense I had a speech delay as a child and I still have a speech impediment to this very day.

[Anonymous No.22124111]

That sad man from the Crucifix
I saw him on the River Styx
He asked me for the News Today
But I looked down & went my way.

The Coffee boils and percolates
As Men walk by and look for Dates,
There was an empty Sandwich Bag
Wind-swept, it flew past lonely Hags.

I saw a Child sitting alone,
The Lad was looking at his Phone,
He looked at pictures of Great Bears
Saw Videos of Widows in Despair.

I see more Vistas yet untold
The Field Mouse does not mind the cold
The Fields of Wheat, the Forest Fire
(The hopes of all these Jokes expire).

To One whose verses are quite Dark
Could you please make them not so Stark?
I'd rather see them light and fain
Like acid and atomic Rain

[Anonymous No.22124469]

>>22124023
>guys why is my meter shit
>they tell him
>you are nigger!!11!!!!11!
I don't think writing is for you, fren

[Anonymous No.22124854]

bump

[Anonymous No.22125245]

What is the metric of critique for poems that disregard meter and rhyme? Just how the words make you feel?

[Anonymous No.22125282]

>>22123706
>and the results are rather fun too.
thanks anon, I read it back this morning and hated it so finna make some tweaks

its about my time dating a trans OF model and then recognizing I like her :3

>>22123694
I see. I was mostly just being a cunt yesterday.

I do like writing poetry but my hang-up is I normally only do it when manic AND I never read it.

I still don't understand what makes a poem good or bad AND I have some sort of aversion to getting into the "scientific" part of it. In some sense I feel like learning why it's good might make it less real but I think that is a brainlet cope on my end

[Anonymous No.22125300]

>>22125245
rhythm beyond that of syllables for example breath (which is the first and most basic rhythm), for more look up composition by field from Charles Olson
whether sincerity or objectification has been achieved somewhere (check Sincerity and Objectification: With Special Reference to the Work of Charles Reznikoff)
check if it uses meter and rhyme somewhere because if it does in some parts and doesn't in others then the contrast between when where and how is a tool in itself to achieve a specific effect
you also have assonance, consonance, alliteration, repetition, onomatopoeia or stanza structures like quatrains even if rhyme isn't present
you can also look at visual formatting to see if patterns and relationships between words have been established beyond those afforded by regular line breaks and grammatical structure
there are many other ways, too, and you can discover them by reading from the modernists onward and analyzing or reading analyses of their work

[Anonymous No.22125444]

>>22125245
Brains like patterns. Metered rhyme is an example of a simple repeating pattern the brain gives you a reward for. If there's also something interesting communicated the effect is amplified. Patterns that are hard to consciously notice are often the best ones. You can also rhyme conceptually like George Lucas.
There's a big difference between the real historic traditions of poetry and what is poetic in this wider sense. Both are interesting to me.

[Anonymous No.22125498]

It's been a decade.
Art didn't transform me,
Like gold in beggar pockets.
I'm worried you're the same.

Or did you change into Don Giovanni.
Sprawling bar to bar, devouring loose women.
Or did you metamorphosis into a skin head.
Beating blacks bloody with iron bars.
You probably remained passive like a mossy lake waters.

My life is fixed to the lake.
God himself says I can prowl on the lake like a lion
But I want to sink.

I will never die though
But I will never live.
Not truly.
Change.
Laconic change.

[Anonymous No.22125668]

>>22110656
Our Father in Heaven made birds with colorful feathers.
Father, let my shoulder be their perch let them drop me a feather
To wear instead of this damning leather.

Like the fathers of the desert I love these birds of colorful feathers
Look! Quickly before they fly!
Chase every one of those lies.
No answer from my Father is an answer I gather
Leave my nest I would rather
Colors I chase, soul longing for an embrace

Yet a pot of gold I did not find.
Lo and behold I have been blind.
Far I have walked.
Much I have gawked.
Sick I am now
Like the father's in the desert who too coveted these birds with colorful feathers

Go away you birds and take your feathers!
Do not leave them on the ground,
to tempt the ants to leave their mounds.

Cold are you birds
Now I see the black that stains those feathers.
You turn your back
On the same gift I did not treasure.

Hot is the pain of Prometheus
Hot like the desert
Hot is my pain, and now something is severed.
No longer together, my father and I
I have been blown away in the wind, as light as a feather.

No more shall I want birds of colorful feathers

I know you have needs
You wish you could be together with our Father.
So I will return to my home
So I will return even if I be alone
When I arrive I will ask my Father not for a bird.
But I will ask him to remove the black from your feathers.

Your color will show then,
then we will be birds of a feather.

[Anonymous No.22125686]

Tir'd of all these, I'd commit suicide
As a homeless Babe appreciates fate;
And thoughts of sinful actions harming pride
And fellows evanescent proved as late
And every grandeur plagued by pettiness
And scornful thanks given to charity
And broken acts revealing weariness
And selfless ones from want turned niggardly;
And hushèd laughing eyes that look away
And wingèd years for some a cause of rue
And greenest Grass snowed slowly into Grey
And listless Souls that don't know what to do,
And secret Sorrow mocking every joy
And gentle Genius martyred molested
And sick yearnings for Summer days as Boy:
When Consciousness was loved not detested
Weary with these, from these would I depart
Save that, to die, I'd leave my love and art.

[Anonymous No.22125695]

>>22125668
Great feeling, Sir. Small Diction, Meter, and Form but there is very great feeling in your verses Sir

[Anonymous No.22125703]

>>22125498
Line 8 should be "Metamorphose" and not "Metamorphosis". They are two fine images.

[Anonymous No.22125711]

>>22112797
Find a poem you like and read aloud.

[Anonymous No.22125725]

>>22118170
Magnificent.

[Anonymous No.22125732]

>>22122685
Nothing inspires the true poet like History

[Anonymous No.22125745]

>>22122933
how about instead of non-amour you say no more dulcety. do you read much Pound?

[Bladwignegro No.22125752]

>>22110656
https://discord.com/invite/N37M9Ny
Artificial Academy 2 General /aa2g/ #1282
Sad Jack Edition

Welcome, this general is for the discussion of ILLUSION's Artificial Academy 2.

COPY ERROR MESSAGES WITH CTRL+C, PASTE THEM WITH CTRL+V INTO GOOGLE TRANSLATE. JUST CLICK THE WINDOW AND PRESS CTRL + C, IT WORKS.

>Downloads:
/aa2g/ Pre-Installed Game, AA2Mini: https://tsukiyo.me/AAA/AA2MiniPPX.xml
AAUnlimited updates: https://github.com/aa2g/AA2Unlimited/releases
Anon's Modded Pre-Install: https://pastebin.com/42JS3q6E

>Information:
AA2Mini Install Guide:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vS8Ap6CrmSNXRsKG9jsIMqHYuHM3Cfs5qE5nX6iIgfzLlcWnmiwzmOrp27ytEMX03lFNRR7U5UXJalA/pub
General FAQ:
https://web.archive.org/web/20200216045726/https://pastebin.com/bhrA6iGx
AAU Guide and Resources (Modules, Tans, Props, Poses, and More):
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/17qb1X0oOdMKU4OIDp8AfFdLtl5y_4jeOOQfPQ2F-PKQ/edit#gid=0

>Character Cards [Database], now with a list of every NonOC in the megas:
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1niC6g-Xd2a2yaY98NBFdAXnURi4ly2-lKty69rkQbJ0/edit#gid=2085826690
https://db.bepis.moe/aa2/

>Mods & More:
Mods for AAU/AA2Mini (ppx format, the mediafire has everything):
https://www.mediafire.com/folder/vwrmdohus4vhh/Mods
/aa2g/ Modding Reference Guide (Slot lists for Hair/Clothes/Faces, List Guides, and More):
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1gwmoVpKuSuF0PtEPLEB17eK_dexPaKU106ShZEpBLhg/edit#gid=1751233129
Booru: https://aau.booru.org

>HELP! I have a Nvidia card and my game crashes on startup!
Try the dgVoodoo option in the new win10fix settings.
Alternative: Update your AAU and see if it happens again. If so, disable win10fix, enable wined3d and software vertex processing.
>HELP! Required Windows 11 update broke things!
winkey+R -> ms-settings:developers -> Terminal=Windows Console Host

Discord:
https://discord.com/invite/N37M9Ny

[Anonymous No.22125763]

>>22125745
was supposed to be a dynamically morphing etymology -- dulcety doesnt fit the N-M-R sound scheme. also heres how the formatting was supposed to be (picrel)

also: heres another more metered one

A Veil of Tiers, a Vale of Tears, Avail at Here
To Join Two Natures into Onesame Portal
Of Ephemeral And Ætherial ways
The Grave of Matter, Mask of Dirt and Loss
The Mirrored Ball, Mercurial visioning
The Shrine Triplex, Tomb of Cthonic rite
The Crystalline-Timaeusian blur
from Hecatomb to Circle-Sepulchre
How Much Longer Will I Be Able To Inhabit The Divine

[Anonymous No.22125800]

>>22125745
also, yes, Pound is great, extremely well-read in poetry and knowing his niche pet-poets is very admirable study of meta-poetry. arnault daniel, sappho, du fu, etc

[Anonymous No.22125814]

>>22124469
It would make sense if the criticism was logical but it isn’t because as I explained the way I’ve often heard the word has the stress where I put it. If I was wrong there then his criticism would work but it doesn’t I even asked someone irl to pronounce it.

[xio No.22125822]

Welcome, this discord is for the discussion of ILLUSION's Artificial Academy 2.

Discord:
https://discord.com/invite/N37M9Ny

[Anonymous No.22125836]

Miserable Me
How Interesting!
How Poetical!

[Anonymous No.22125843]

Miserable Me
How interesting I am
How poetical!

[Anonymous No.22125844]

>>22125814
Sorry to samefag but I’ll even admit he’s right about the third line and that I didn’t even mention because there I could see where the stress is awkward, but I’m not going to use a, what I believe, is outdated form of pronouncing futile. It’s not what I’m going for there.

[Anonymous No.22125848]

Go and turn towars her,
Find your perfect love: she's there,
Somewhere, Go and turn

[Anonymous No.22125856]

Go and turn toward her
Find your perfect love: she's there,
Somewhere, Go and turn

[Anonymous No.22125892]

>>22125843
>>22122951
more please

[Anonymous No.22125954]

I breathe in toxicity
And exhale beauty and mirth
It's serene sitting at the bottom of a lake

I hear dogs' abrasive growls
The choo choo track is not a good bed to lie on.
I don't care about my sexuality.
I care about my mortality.
Am I too selfish to be seduced by Calvinists?
To be seduced by death?
I wish to rest here.
I wish for a collision of ecstasy and galactic planets.
Antinatalism is as natural as reading.
Which is as natural as breathe.
Yesssssss.

[Anonymous No.22125992]

Writing poetry requires a knowledge of things.
Life requires nothing except what's outside your control.
Poetry is like being assaulted, when it penetrates your soul.
And stays there.
Resonating if it'll allow
Ring the bells clear
And take a bow

[Anonymous No.22126087]

For: >>22125892
Unrequited Love
His vanity was Immense
Unrequited Love

Unrequited Love
There was some spark he thought (no)
Unrequited Love

[Anonymous No.22126095]

>>22110656
What I wonder the most if I can make people feel what I feel. If they can see a glimpse of my emotions in the ways that I write. It's difficult to measure.

[Anonymous No.22126112]

>>22126095
it's easier if you don't start feeling the emotion but manage to make yourself feel it through the words you're putting together
Then there's a higher chance it will achieve the same effect with others

[Anonymous No.22126124]

while they're out dancing in clubs
you're right here checking my dubs

[Anonymous No.22126133]

>>22126112
I try to write poems to make myself cry. I can revisit and cry again once I reread. But then is it making me feel what would make others feel or simply bringing to the surface what is hidden inside of me and only me?

[Anonymous No.22126167]

I wrote this weird shitty poem for a gender studies assignment for a creative writing class I took undergrad. It's actually in 3 parts is disturbingly bad haha

She walks to and from unknowingly being watched
Charismatic, and cute her innocence invites the gazing hawks
Her gazers most double, some triple her age but never limited-to
Watching her closely some wish she were older though most pretending to
"Wow look at her!" as she passes by, "how old could she be?", "15 going on 30 either or I'd make her scream."

[Anonymous No.22126168]

>>22116444

>if a poem doesn't rhyme, it's shit
you can't change my mind

Perhaps I can't change your mind but perhaps Milton could?

[Anonymous No.22126176]

>>22126095
no tears in the writer no tears in the reader.

[Anonymous No.22126221]

He at first thought he was mad but discovered he was just a poet

[Anonymous No.22126272]

Prose-Poet of this Ship:
A wine-sopped tounge pivots deftly on it's axis
Forming loving words
Laving-loving-verbs near to me
Near the light of the Moon and the sound's of the Sea
"Mira me Chico, Mira me"

[Anonymous No.22126313]

>>22126095
>>22126095
Good poetry is made out of emotions more than words. Joy should sound in your verses like a fiddle and you must measure your verses with the metronome of Sorrow.

[Anonymous No.22126319]

>>22125695
Thanks, which one's yours?

[Anonymous No.22126322]

>>22126095
Good poetry is just as much made from powerful emotion as it is from effective word-choice. Re-call Wordsworth's Sentence: Poetry is Emotion recalled in Tranquility. Joy should sound in your verses like a fiddle and you might measure your verses with the metronome of Sorrow.

[Anonymous No.22126655]

>>22117692
The third line is plainly inharmonious to any one with an ear sir; your rhymes are lazy also

[Anonymous No.22126679]

Absent minded man
You're Phone Light's on You're Laughing
O how I love you

[Anonymous No.22126687]

Absent Minded Man
With your flash-light on laughing
O how I love you

[Anonymous No.22126714]

I bought you a gift
A surprise from me to you
Something you wouldn't have expected
Take a guess what it is
I bet you won't know until it's in your hands
I bet tomorrow you'll treasure it for a lifetime
and forever more
I bought you a gift

Tell me nothing is wrong
Tell me you knew all along
Tell me it was what you wanted
Tell me nothing could compare
Tell me this just isn't fair.

[Anonymous No.22126719]

>>22112845
Best in the thread

[Anonymous No.22126860]

>>22110656
got the poem, pic related
balloon people, get deflated
cite the text, get elated
rocks gone cure the hated

briggy-diggy dat brrr-at-at-at
gitty-gitty gat slacking shlack
riggy-ri-ricky rockity rockity
rocky mary poppins outta glocky

ssschh-ricck-rick-rick ricky-wahh
shricky-shrick-shrickyy-wahh
schrickity-shrick-shrick-shrick
shrick-wahh-wahh-srhi-shri-shrick

(that last part is DJ record scratching)

[Anonymous No.22127107]

>tfw you wanna post your poetry but it's not in english

[Anonymous No.22127283]

>>22111631
This is beautiful, anon

[Anonymous No.22128313]

bump

[Anonymous No.22128332]

>>22125686
This one I quite like.

[Anonymous No.22128368]

Post, post, post
Bricks into the foundation
Yet the one is lost –
Stone of the coming nation

There's the gap
In every phrase
As the daybreak starts
Illuminating the maze

Where the tired captives sit
Blind eyes. Hardened hearts. Hard to believe
Letting go soul's crust
To become free

Nothing to prove. Nogthing to be
Nothing is nothing in the nothingness tree

[Anonymous No.22128444]

I love screams as posts
No sense
As the ghost
Comes closer than logos of podcasts
Sweaty men in a small room
Touching on 'theological anthropology'

[AA2 Nigger mod is Mad loser lol permbanned No.22128454]

>>>/vg/432702091
Artificial Academy 2 General /aa2g/ #1282
Sad Jack Edition

Welcome, this general is for the discussion of ILLUSION's Artificial Academy 2.

COPY ERROR MESSAGES WITH CTRL+C, PASTE THEM WITH CTRL+V INTO GOOGLE TRANSLATE. JUST CLICK THE WINDOW AND PRESS CTRL + C, IT WORKS.

>Downloads:
/aa2g/ Pre-Installed Game, AA2Mini: https://tsukiyo.me/AAA/AA2MiniPPX.xml
AAUnlimited updates: https://github.com/aa2g/AA2Unlimited/releases
Anon's Modded Pre-Install: https://pastebin.com/42JS3q6E

>Information:
AA2Mini Install Guide:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vS8Ap6CrmSNXRsKG9jsIMqHYuHM3Cfs5qE5nX6iIgfzLlcWnmiwzmOrp27ytEMX03lFNRR7U5UXJalA/pub
General FAQ:
https://web.archive.org/web/20200216045726/https://pastebin.com/bhrA6iGx
AAU Guide and Resources (Modules, Tans, Props, Poses, and More):
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/17qb1X0oOdMKU4OIDp8AfFdLtl5y_4jeOOQfPQ2F-PKQ/edit#gid=0

>Character Cards [Database], now with a list of every NonOC in the megas:
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1niC6g-Xd2a2yaY98NBFdAXnURi4ly2-lKty69rkQbJ0/edit#gid=2085826690
https://db.bepis.moe/aa2/

>Mods & More:
Mods for AAU/AA2Mini (ppx format, the mediafire has everything):
https://www.mediafire.com/folder/vwrmdohus4vhh/Mods
/aa2g/ Modding Reference Guide (Slot lists for Hair/Clothes/Faces, List Guides, and More):
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1gwmoVpKuSuF0PtEPLEB17eK_dexPaKU106ShZEpBLhg/edit#gid=1751233129
Booru: https://aau.booru.org

>HELP! I have a Nvidia card and my game crashes on startup!
Try the dgVoodoo option in the new win10fix settings.
Alternative: Update your AAU and see if it happens again. If so, disable win10fix, enable wined3d and software vertex processing.
>HELP! Required Windows 11 update broke things!
winkey+R -> ms-settings:developers -> Terminal=Windows Console Host

Previous Thread
>>>/vg/432320786 come on permban all of them kek
yo mad over that discord link post ha what a noob you are loser nigger aa2 fag mod you mad asf lmfao

[Anonymous No.22128533]

>>22126168
Baby Milton burns in Hell
Fucked by Satan's cock
Useless faggot writer's head
Is on the chopping block

Anyone who de-fends his
Rhymeless, gutless bile
Will surely face Abaddon's
Grinning, gaping smile

And all the while I will laugh
From my throne on /lit/
At countless philistines condemned
Their souls bound by my writ

[Anonymous No.22128596]

>>22125800
>sappho, du fu
Not niche. In full agreement with you otherwise.
En Arnautz and Jules Laforgue are favorites I would never have known if not for him. It's a crime that Laforgue is still not in the Pléiade.

[Count Chuckula No.22128807]

To pass away and never to return
Where the ghost roams
In fissures. Waiting for its turn
Poor Hamlet
The prince of Danes
In madness spent those years
'Where is It?' Blindness and despair
'My court?' Another ring of lead
To weight him down the deep without an end
The Head is silent
Thus the one must be
And piping lunar frogs..
Until the time the Ancient One returns

[Anonymous No.22128843]

>>22126687
this is sweet, kinda gay tho since I know ur not a woman

[Anonymous No.22128856]

>>22128596
ya i meant moreso his niche interactions with them, obsessed with turns of phrase and subtle intonations. never heard of those two, nor do i know about the pleiade. any -pills to dispense on the matter?

[Anonymous No.22128861]

Violent waves crash
Swirling current draws us out
Sinking in the sand

[Anonymous No.22129352]

>>22128856
La Pléiade is the definitive collection of the best of French and world literature. They're also the most consistently nice books out there, leather-bound and pressed on bible paper. If you're in this thread, you do of course speak French, don't you anon?
On Laforgue I defer to Pound. See his collected literary essays.

[Anonymous No.22129371]

>>22125954
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqeN2RRR3xQ

[Anonymous No.22129843]

>>22118238
this is good needs some refinement. I know you have more to say my fren

[Anonymous No.22130062]

A rough translation of something I wrote a couple of months back.

A feather from my pillow, that is all that I have left
And my eyes, they miss you today.

If no one wonders why, was it even that you were
If you are here then I am somewhere else.

The sky gives shine of something and you a steady rest
I save all that is shining in my nest.

Which I have built in the forest's tallest tree
There I can remember you as everything that happened

You and your breaths never got to say goodbye
The earth stole them and the sky it took your charm

If you are moved enough to care, to take my hand and comfort it
When I have finished dreaming, fallen asleep again.
Are you moved enough to care, to keep my hand in your hair
When I’ve forgotten and winter become spring again.

[Anonymous No.22130070]

[Anonymous No.22130149]

>>22130062
what's the original tongue?

>>22128861
why did the toad splash mildly?

>>22128807
do too many prepositions clog god's syntax?

>>22128444
why not tote four fours instead of hallow mores?

>>22128368
did the occurrence occur in the moment's heat or just it tepid wake?

>>22126860
how did the space unjustify the time it took to relate to its own engrossment?

>>22126714
did she leave you on redundant flowers?

>>22126687
Am I AMM I am?

>>22126272
who owns the dreams of induction?

>>22126167
why so widely possessed?

>>22126087
did she leave you on redundant seas?

>>22125954
should the hedgehog place its funeral bets unwillingly?

>>22125686
and at the end did the time finally come?

>>22125668
might there be room for a pantoum?

>>22125498
why metamorphose thine imperfections when the start stands so strong yet yields slightly in holding on from within?

>>22124111
how does the trinity take so kindly to your digital feet?

>>22123472
have I more options than yes and no and maybe so?

>>22123392
questions you have have you?

>>22122951
oh did my vesicle pop?

>>22122933
should the prattling sage divulge more than mere confessions of an anabasis daydream?

>>22122735
how easily did Evelyn McHale live?

>>22122498
what colonic has the doctor ordered here?

>>22120678
the tse-tse fly buzzes in the bowerbird's ear, you say?

>>22119754
where did you cash in your potato chips?

>>22119258
has the new world arrived too late?

>>22118238
where does 'ayy lmao' fit into all this?

>>22118211
can the vitruvian man literally encircle his own box?

>>22118170
have you read ole archie mr. Miller?

>>22117948
did will will itself willingly when listening to the trafficked sounds?

>>22117692
does the yardstick count the hour?

>>22114129
why, goodest god, have they like anaxagoras?

>>22113451
why are you so gay

[Anonymous No.22130263]

teachers make models
for the children

the runway
runs out of room

hyperactivity tames the plangent aroma
between vacuum decays

geminis can't cantankerously mirror
more than their own furrows

seminal values exceed your peurile notions
of infinite display

[Anonymous No.22130874]

Rocky mountain despair

Crowned with snow the mountain stands
Cold sharp air cuts through with every breath I take
The sun no longer shines through the valley
A gloom of grey covers the sky

The coldness surrounds me
A lonely and desolate place to be
A feeling of melancholy creeps upon
I don't want to wake
I don't want to be cut anymore
The isolation and sadness that winter ensures.

The sun will rise once again
To escape winters frozen face
But for now I must endure

[Anonymous No.22130882]

>>22130149
>why did the toad splash mildly?
It's a true story not a metaphor. His actual physical properties and the specifics of the real situation allowed for a mild landing. That was one lucky frog.

[Anonymous No.22130890]

[Anonymous No.22131104]

[Anonymous No.22131108]

I will try to write my shitty poetry and I will post here, /lit/. I have no ability only desire, here I come

[Anonymous No.22131122]

>>22111649
I've read your other stuff now and I like it a lot more, but I can see what you're going for with this and the Alice poem. Makes me think of diary entries and poetic form, and they both have that kind of light, throw away feel about them.

Considering the quality I find them both quite admirable. Especially when most people just try to force the profound and heroic . My only advice is that I think these poems would work better as a grouping rather than sprinkled throughout.

[Anonymous No.22131616]

>>22131122
Not OP but I wish people here stopped trying to be profound and just tried and be good instead.

Profundity and depth is not an ingredient you add it's something that comes out of the text

[Anonymous No.22131634]

Getaria

Oh rock - how haughty you stand,
with pride you're more than worth.
To fix upon the stones and crags
of ceaseless waves;
the distant heights of hills,
whose peaks graze the tufts of
teasing clouds - Oh rock,
how gracefully you stand.
To see the beauty below you,
of emerald sea and land,
its like a speck of heaven
that fell just where you stand.

[Anonymous No.22131968]

bump

[Anonymous No.22132116]

>>22130149
>why so widely possessed?
Just my amateur writing style. The story is also about a young girl I know who moved to NYC

[Anonymous No.22132131]

THE knight laid his head upon Elver's Hoh
Soft slumbers his senses beguiling;
Fatigue pressed its seal on his eyelids when lo!
Two maidens drew near to him smiling;
The one she kissed softly Sir Algamore's eyes;
The other she whispered him sweetly,
Arise thou gallant young warrior arise,
For the dance it goes gaily and featly!

"Arise thou gallant young warrior arise,
And dance with us now and for ever!
My damsels with music thine ear shall surprise,
And sweeter a mortal heard never."
Then straight of young maidens appeared a fair throng,
Who their voices in harmony raising,
The winds they were still as the sounds flew along,
By their silence their melody praising.

The winds they were still as the sounds flew along,
The wolf howled no more from the mountains ;
The rivers were mute upon hearing the song,
And calmed the loud rush of their fountains
The fish as they swam in the waters so clear,
To the soft sounds delighted attended,
And nightingales, charmed the sweet accents to hear,
Their notes with the melody blended.

"Now hear me, thou gallant young warrior, now hear!
If thou wilt partake of our pleasure,
We'll teach thee to draw the pale moon from her sphere,
We'll show thee the sorcerer's treasure!
We'll teach thee the Runic rhyme, teach thee to hold
The wild bear in magical fetters,
To charm the red dragon, who broods over gold,
And tame him by mystical letters."

Now hither, now thither, then danced the gay band,
By witchcraft the hero surprising,
Who ever sat silent, his sword in his hand,
Their sports and their pleasures despising.
"Now hear me, thou gallant young warrior, now hear!
If still thou disdain'st what we proffer,
With dagger and knife from thy breast will we tear
Thine heart, which refuses our offer!"

Oh! glad was the knight when he heard the cock crow!
His enemies trembled and left him :
Else must he have stayed upon Elver's Hoh,
And the witches of life had bereft him.
Beware then, ye warriors, returning by night
From Court, dressed in gold and in silver ;
Beware how you slumber on Elver's rough height,
Beware of the witches of Elver!

[Anonymous No.22132710]

>>22131634
this one is good it has good rhythm and mouth feel kind of retarded subject matter
This is my shitty poem its prose and is a about a girl I recently cut things off with, wrote it the night after our first hook up in Paris, maybe u liek?

Something Else

This weltering weight
Too close to first contact
As icarus in his stupid costume
But i say nothing, Like awkward kiss
My mouth is shut
I cannot speak of my heart
What should i Say to you?
Of my shade and its misgivings
I would rather walk in the sun
And praise the form of buildings
Or in the night
Speak ill of the drunken algerian
And hold you away from the empty street

AHH
Spitting drivel from my mouth
Like a moody teen on tumblr
Hah
My genius soul is no more than a girl
Wet your lips with irony
Kiss me without knowing how
This is it at last
Ill fated romancer
Laughing at the words!

[Anonymous No.22132997]

>>22132710
Pic rel was my inspiration, was writing about the view from the rock.
I like your poem, it sounds nice recited but admittedly I filled in some punctuation and words for rhythm ("Like awkward kiss" became "Like an awkward kiss" in my head) I wish you sat more on your feelings about her, I enjoyed the first half much more than the second and your turn towards dismissive irony. What would you say to her?

[Anonymous No.22133067]

>>22132997
Id like to ask to see her again. My feelings that night are totally different from now. Going into it we both new it couldnt last but now i just want her to give it a chance. Im still in europe and she is back home. Feels like puragatory. Anyways thank u frien i read ur poem again with pic in mind, very cool romantic and Mediterranean

[Anonymous No.22133074]

as my eyes start to dim
i rise from my body and angels sing
sweet melodies and hymns
towards the magnificent light i swim

[Anonymous No.22134072]

bump

[Anonymous No.22134987]

>>22131616
A lot of people here clearly just wants to rhyme, or to use certain words, or to mimic a voice they like. That's understandable that's usually the first impulse for poetry but it's something you eventually have to grow out of.

You start writing because you want to be like your heroes, but at some point you have to realize you're just playing pretend.

[Anonymous No.22136103]

Bump

[Anonymous No.22136574]

You, sitting across fro me, seeming like you think you know me
Me, trying to to remember the version of my that I used to be for you
That you remember so well apparently

You seem the same but like you think you've changed or
At least you want people to think I and I find it funny
Like in the way I find posh people funny or people who say irregardless

Trying to focus again in what you're saying but not trying to care
About the words or the version of you you're being for me and feeling
The sun on the back of my neck in that nice late of the day kind of way

[Anonymous No.22136903]

The stuff and/or things
Also all the other stuff
And seven more things

[Anonymous No.22136942]

The Visigoth traitor won't repeal the sparkle-
animation sticker clause in the negotiation deal—
it costs to sell out your fellow man, but even costs
have their limits. When the war is over
(the cutesy one, it needn't be said,
between codename ROSACEA and the Saturnalian
reproachers) the laity will certainly praise
our visible efforts. What they don't know they won't despise.

Between the gauntlet of gordian knots and hall
of swinging swords of
the knockoff Damocles variety,
it will be incumbent upon the land's fat
to spill over into ruin
like a soufflé in a breadcrumb ramekin.

On the tabletop rests the musket
that will shoot a bullet midair.

[Anonymous No.22136945]

>>22136903

Hi, coup d'état,
fancy seeing you in here:
fettered wasteland caul.

[Anonymous No.22136958]

>>22132131

like the poem but I've offered some corrections for you

>layed
>softly
>eye-lids
>kist
>arose
>forever
>mavens
>there
>howl'd
>here
>rime
>brews
>mythical
>homosexual
>uprising
>reprising
>disdained
>rooster
>raven
>and silver
>ye
>bitches
>fentanyl

[Anonymous No.22137014]

>>22136945
Face beaten by wind
Hidden behind tattered rags
Eyes who know they sinned
Heart willing yet body lags

[Anonymous No.22137025]

>>22131616
based. people think that poetry ought to express some deep unalterable Truth about the world or about the human psyche; it can, but it doesn't need to, and if you think it needs to, you don't know much about poetry

[Anonymous No.22137049]

>>22137025
I guess there's a point there but you both just sound like idiots.

[Anonymous No.22137096]

We live in perfect times
A stream of gold and blue
Where every beast is tame
Every garden hewed

But not all is like to like
Not everywheres the same
A place could strike one mellow
But one would freely see

A twist in pleasing picture
A haunting thing unseen
Screws instead of liquor
Guzzled down by skulls

Ghosts behind our shoulders
Chance could leave a scar
Never sure what smolders
Just a shiver for your ear
A hand to breach your skin
Poke around a vein
Check if grace things tame
And steal your spine

[Anonymous No.22137143]

>>22137096

first line is great (assuming it's okay with being funny) but then it really goes down hill

anyway i'm stealing your first line

[Anonymous No.22137518]

>>22111649
best Dylan song never made

[Anonymous No.22137552]

This is unironically a good poem.

[Anonymous No.22137559]

>>22137014

Disheartened, the organ donor winces,
when the windswept faces look up
when the elemental haruspex evinces
the smile of a bermuda buttercup.

Cheery now, the heartless man and the crowd
elect to let time pass
into the elemental surround
behind which lies the One True Ass—
yes Divine she is the one true lass.

I say this to you as nothing more
than infinity's finite friend.

[Anonymous No.22137574]

I live in squalid squalor
my tensity is immense

my body pilots mind poorly
and elocutes only rhetorically

when the shutter speed slows
against a weak hurricane wind
when violence now betrothed
to lechery's Eleusinian sin
when the mother passes on
to mountain's shallow plain
when the limit's end is met
by excession's failing grace

only then when then desists
does my face illuminate with light

only when then becomes when
does fucking in a cemetery feel right

[Anonymous No.22137588]

>>22110656

>I find it hard to admit
>that I am bound to follow

Honestly, this is a profoundly difficult thing for someone to confess, so you have my infinite respect for doing so. Unfortunately, however, this disqualifies you from ever writing genuine poetry. So for that, I'm sorry.

[Anonymous No.22137607]

>>22137559
>haruspex
Red writing on white snow
Tells me what to say
But how did you know?
I suppose it was the CIA

[Anonymous No.22137611]

>>22132710
>maybe you liek

Sorry, but it’s unlikely that a bronze age catamite will contribute anything to poetry besides third rate hedonistic sentimentality. Wish you the best on your liaison, fren

[Anonymous No.22137651]

I was reading a lot of Kipling's poetry and thinking about space marines and stuff and I wrote this.

There’s a grim and hostile silence
To the grey and hostile guns
And a strange and serpent sleekness
To the spars and wires that run

From the forward to the backward
Of our cruiser as she lies
And the rockets sit in silence
As we wait for her to fly

There are strange and hostile nations
Way out in the farther stars
And there’s strange and hostile faces
Waiting there to clash with ours

Hard-edged and brightly armored
With our kit, our gear and guns
We’ve shipped to serve our homeworld
Out under foreign suns

There’s a tension close to snapping,
And I pray to ancient Mars
As the rockets roar and rumble,
To take us out to farther stars

[Anonymous No.22137683]

>>22137143

Thanks for the critique. Poetry is something I just write out for fun every once in a while, but I'm happy you saw something good enough in it to STEAL. Prose is the real burden.

[Anonymous No.22137690]

>>22137683

If you ever see it published, you'll know who I am, which is fun

[Anonymous No.22137763]

im a sexi man
sexi man with a sexi plan
my image bespells a broken world
clogged in a sexi canal
the plunders left bereft the plenty
many feet lost to pleasant decay
when the sexiest among us dies
those enfeebled fatties pray, bless them
and anoint the second with hour's length
time dilation won't relent
invidious sleeves encasing quiet arms
will restrict no more than an unwilled will
'tis the fourth land of the day, bending the sky
leads us to learn we are no okay
when laws erase their own lettered brigades
this isn't to say i've never lied
on the bed of breadcrumbs like gretl's betrothed
incest begets less than loneliness' trove
deep beneath the boogeyman sea
when limiting factors look exactly like thee
yes i can say the sun shall rise
sometime til it doesn't but then we'll've strayed
far away from port's sound surmise
understanding often stands as mere reprise
in string loop's end i'll embrace your gestured hint
to cover the story poseidon feigned to mint
marooned the belt squelcher fidgets in eyes
spherically mined to divine the surprise

[Anonymous No.22138249]

bump before bed

[Anonymous No.22138350]

>>22137690

:(

I need to be published. How?

[Anonymous No.22139025]

threds ded m8tey

[Anonymous No.22139743]

>>22137651
War poetry is always based, space war poetry moreso

[Anonymous No.22140023]

He's dead Jim
Another victim of the space war
The alien bug queen loved him
Dumb insect whore

[Frater Asemlen !XS8vrClKs2 No.22140193]

Gonna be gone from most internet usage, figure before I begin I’ll quickly write a final poem (prior to leaving) and post it here.

Yest’ and morrows yearly passed,
Led through dark old serèd paths,
Yes his sorrowed weary glance,
Let through starry spheres the man,

Heavens armies peer the span,
Weaponed marched from here to back
Set their darts and spears of wrath,
Resting arched their fearful hands,


Precious arc of peerless craft,
Heads of marble weirdly cracked,
Dresden sparkles clear as glass,
Ev’ry art is here at last,

Essence art thou merely chance?
Seven are the spirits sat,
Never parts, appears the lamb,
Endless are the cheers we had,


Yest’ and morrows yearly passed,
Led through dark old serèd paths,
Yes his sorrowed weary glance,
Let through starry spheres the man.

[Anonymous No.22140254]

>>22140193
Going into the monastery then, are you?

[Anonymous No.22140749]

>>22110656
There once was an anon on /lit/
Who couldn't stop sucking off dick
He would swallow the come
And ask for some in his bum
And if you wouldn't comply he'd throw a fit.

[Anonymous No.22141537]

Critique things god damn it

>>22137574
Somehow the last line is a letdown for all it's clearly intended to be edgy/shocking/whatever. I do like the rest of the piece though
>>22136942
If you tightened this up in a few spots to improve the flow it'd be pretty good. For example, "upon" in line 12 can just be replaced with "on" without changing the meaning, and it makes things less clunky.
>>22130070
>It's not enough to say I love you when the building comes down
Is a great line, but the two following it feel like stalling a car instead of bringing it to a stop with the brakes.

[Anonymous No.22141678]

>>22141537

you're a kind soul

Thank you for critiquing all three poems, anons :)

(((suggestions incorporated_)))

[Anonymous No.22141681]

>>22141537
>>22141678
lmk if you have any poems ITT, I'd be happy to Take A Look at them

[Anonymous No.22141774]

>>22140193
Going to sound gay here but
Farewell brother, I have learned a lot from you, not as much as I should have to match your energy. I'll be revisiting your kino posts on aesthetics for a long time. Wanna write a lot more gay shit but. Thank you, Frater Asemlen.

[Anonymous No.22141872]

>>22141681
I'm these two
>>22130890
>>22131104

[Anonymous No.22142390]

>>22130890
This is actually good

[Anonymous No.22142405]

I lay single on my side,
here habitually begins my insight:
starry eyes—starry eyes,
you shant sleep in fright,
for here I am,
your shining knight,
and there you are,
not found in sight,
truth betold,
I am no knight,
just a boy—-an imaginative type.

[Anonymous No.22143089]

>>22137763
The beginning feels like a clown nose slapped on an otherwise pretty good piece

[Anonymous No.22143123]

>>22137552
The gradient from crass to reasonably respectable across the poem works in a certain respect. I appreciate it overall, and it does flow nicely.
The beginning though is off-putting, not in a shocking way, just kind of exasperating. Maybe that's a result of reading too much poetry on this site though. I see that the first lines are explicitly about cum and porn and whacking off, and it just kills the impetus to read further because there's such an exhausting backlog of garbage that starts the same way.

[Anonymous No.22143195]

I knew one who owned an old oven
It made magical meat
My face fell and flew away when
I found out I was eating Pete

[Anonymous No.22143363]

>>22142390

[Anonymous No.22143374]

>>22110656

Most of my poems don't rhyme but I got inspired by the thread

You arose from my subconscious
Dazed I stand still
Moving would be obnoxious
And without you I fall ill

Looking at me with your cursed eye
My sins have disappeared
In your bed it felt like we were so high
My newest fear has now appeared

Please don't fade from my mind
I'm trying to hold the picture still
You were so hard to find
And it all happened under my own will

[Anonymous No.22143389]

>>22143363
You are going to die
Sooner or later
You can only choose how you die
What you live for
What you die for

____

What do you live for?
What does your life produce?
What ends do you work towards?
How do you measure this success?
What actions do you take?

____

Words are empty
Promises are lies
Hopes are fantasies
Beliefs are powerless
False prophets abound

____

What has your life amounted to?
In the past day?
The past week?
The past month?
The past year?
The past decade?
What are the results of the actions you take every day?

____

Do you make progress?
Or do you trust others to do it for you?
Your boat of 100 men
Each shouting “Row” on the megaphone
And how many actually row?
Do you row?
Does your boat make forward progress?
How far have you gone?
How does your current position differ from where you were yesterday?
A week ago?
A month ago?
A year ago?

____

The consensus is clear
Rowing is desired
Forward progress is demanded
But demands do not row boats
The boat remains idle

____

You are abused and exploited
Misled and deceived
By a system that does nothing
But abuse, exploit, mislead, and deceive
____

So you put faith in this system?
To reveal the truth?
To end your abuse?
To be swayed by your honesty?

____

You will use this system to attain your ends?
You condemn the system
So you demand a new master
To whip you with the same whip?

____

The master says he will
Whip the shackles from your feet
As he whips you and you suffer
The whip cracks again and again
Yet the locks do not break
But you still believe him?

____

When you talk to your people
Do you demand action?
Or do you demand false promises?
Do you condemn action?
Do you applaud false promises?

____

What actions you have taken
Have been countered by your enemy
You misstep and are punished
So you concede the fight?
You win no fights by conceding

[Anonymous No.22143391]

>>22143389

____

The degenerate litters his trash
because he can get away with it
The vandal graffitis the walls
Because he can get away with it
The parent abuses the child
Because he can get away with it
The state and media abuse you
Because they can get away with it

____

When there are no consequences for an action
What would cause this action to stop?
You claim these people are heartless and evil
Yet expect them to stop abusing you
Out of the goodness of their heart?
Because you cry when you are abused?

____

These people remind you of your first amendment
That you are free to say what you want
But you are not free from the consequences of your words
____

The reason you are so mocked, hated, and abused
Is because the consequences for these actions
Are not enough to prevent them from happening

____

Your own beliefs and ideas are trampled
Because your enemy ensures this consequence
Your enemies ideas are applauded and praised
Because your enemy ensures this consequence

____

Action always has consequence
Inaction always has consequence
Every day you choose one of these fates
Your life will always have consequences
Your life will always influence the future
But this influence is determined by your choices

____

You are going to die
Sooner or later
You can only choose how you die
What you live for
What you die for

____

What do you die for?
What does your death produce?
You are guaranteed to sacrifice your life
For something, for someone, or nothing
You do this every day you are alive

____

By living you are telling the prolonged story of your death
Are you successful? Or are you a failure?
How does history remember your success?
How does history forget your failure?
What death do you die?


(had to copy paste from another site, hence the odd formatting. Intent is just to spur people. I've not written anything meaningful since this a few months ago, I don't think. Just dying quietly and giving no fucks like a hypocrite..)

[Anonymous No.22143435]

>>22110656

HE’S THE CRUST!!!

“God is everywhere!”
you declare,
and you spread him out
without a care,

and when you’re done,
he’s spread so thin
you’ve got no problem
ignoring him.

A God so thin
might as well be dead
which is why we lock him up in bread.

[Anonymous No.22144099]

A 1992 Sony Trinitron
Exquisite Italian high class porno
My cultural heritage
Authentic and original anal compact disc

[Anonymous No.22144880]

>>22143435
Impossible power from the sky
Across the void a leaf is touched
Wheat woven from air
The sun is in the bread

[Anonymous No.22145618]

>>22140193
You should put up all of your work somewhere for us. We will miss you.

[Anonymous No.22145669]

it is judgement day
angels descend and graves open
horrible to see

[Anonymous No.22145678]

Summer nights full youth
Serenading with sounds so true
Quiet happiness!

[Anonymous No.22145823]

Triptych
1
Sorrow took me as a friend
for wounds that I can never mend,
for morals I can not unbend.
Here is my self-possesive Grief
In truth, I think I am the Chief,
Of froward folly-swept 'dividuals
I give you spontaneous rituals
Here are my clothes Here are my victuals.
Sorrow took me as a friend
for money I could never lend
for never being part of trends
for an alien pain that tears and rends.
2
The walk in the woods,
And the drive home from the beach,
And the Gone Fishing Sign
And the fourth of july party,
And the successful reading,
And the steeple,
And the marriage,
And Connecticut in the Snow
And then, What then?
3
I shot the bloody nigger in the face
Why do you think that I came here around
I had my gun right in front of his face
Did you think that I was playing around?
Out yonder pasture stands his only son
You figure he's gon' come to revenge me?
I guess I ought to go and shoot him down
Before he grows all big and murders me
BANG!
There goes another nigger dead and gone
He never even knew what came to hit him
For I shot nigger, he was alone
And now I'm off to look for nigger women

[Anonymous No.22146472]

>>22137651
Like the out under foreign suns line good effort mate

[Anonymous No.22146491]

electricity bill screaming through the door
its never been this loud before
staggered in halls I slept in once
nostalgia and hunger pains, all at once

im a tenant now, it has some perks
i dont see any public works
can man live in constant drought
parched dirt in my bank account

beer and taxes I have paid
marriage tax breaks I'd be saved
my fathers deathbed he did say
fiat currency really pays

[Anonymous No.22146498]

>>22143374
First stanza very nice

[Anonymous No.22146544]

did our eyes meet for
some divine purpose
or was it
merely consequence?
regretful that you are
never to return again

adakah pertemuan kita
memain peranan tuhan
letakkan ataukah ia
sekadar kebetulan?
kesal yang engkau
takkan kembali

[Anonymous No.22146557]

>>22146544
nice
lost love on the train

[Anonymous No.22146713]

>>22110656
That's life, that's what all the people say. I get my hopes and end up in pain.

The suffering has already crossed the line, hatred's out and wants other to maim.

The resistance has fallen down, now I shall cut someone's throat and by cop, die!

[Anonymous No.22147196]

Ode to James Hargreaves

My mind rambles as yours did,
benchgazer, fiddler, workshop man —
you loved it when your gears meshed;
pitch-perfect lovers, black sheep of
a flock you reared by hand.

Each wheel an oxide sonnet.

You were not wrought for the fields.
Scythe and psalm could not entice;
they scorned you as a crooked smith.
How could they know, those frost-nipped folk? —
how far you saw, short-sighted one,
by the greasy gleam of your tallow light.

Hear the leather drive-belt shudder,
let the shutters stand askew;
and squint afar where cattle huddle,
grazing still.

[Anonymous No.22147244]

>>22147196
*inch-perfect lovers

ffs

[Anonymous No.22147249]

Ode to James Hargreaves

My mind rambles as yours did,
benchgazer, fiddler, workshop man —
you loved it when your gears meshed;
inch-perfect lovers, black sheep of
a flock you reared by hand.

Each wheel an oxide sonnet.

You were not wrought for the fields.
Scythe and psalm could not entice;
they scorned you as a crooked smith.
How could they know, those frost-nipped folk? —
how far you saw, short-sighted one,
by the greasy gleam of your tallow light.

Hear the leather drive-belt shudder,
let the shutters stand askew;
and squint afar where cattle huddle,
grazing still.

[Anonymous No.22147643]

>>22145669
kinda good desu

[Anonymous No.22148283]

>>22147249
I like this

[Anonymous No.22148428]

>>22130149
what does Archie mr miller comment mean dawg

[Anonymous No.22149179]

>>22110656
ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow wo ow ow ow
my heart
ow

[Anonymous No.22149186]

[Anonymous No.22149904]

>>22130890

I'm enjoying a lot of the imagery ("carve driftwood faces," "the weight of him makes gravel of the stones") and I think a good deal of the language works. I think it could definitely benefit from clearer punctuation and/or formatting (either consistent punctuation with lines and stanzas as is, or zero punctuation with additional line and stanza breaks to signify pauses). You have the single colon, with various counts of capitalization as well as first word of each line capitalized—as it stands, this feels arbitrary. I also think that the first stanza would flow better if each it didn't read like one long run-on sentence (e.g. the third line, rather than continuing to refer indirectly to the 'faces,' maybe rename them and introduce an additional object of the sentence 'children set the faces upon poles / some face the waves and some face the land so the morning / sun can see the hills') There were also a few lines that didn't land for me "a thunderous hate or springtime sorrow" "beheld on every votive countenance"

All in all, I think a deliberate redefining of its structure would fix the majority of its issues as there's very solid raw material to work with here. (can't hurt to read some of it aloud as well)

>>22131104

from the outset: I tend to only really enjoy antiquated verbiage whenever its contrasted by either hypermodern subject matter (which you get near the end, though I think you could inject even more) or a self-aware even comic tone, so the Let and Lest lines already take me out of it before it really begins (though obviously mine is just one opinion, and there very well may be audiences this does appeal to (though I will admit such audiences have dwindled greatly over the decades—something to keep in mind if you want to publish, which I assume you do as you post screenshots)) The beginning of the second stanza, however, is great: "my branches, clammy caps and gills" "a dusty gasp of penicillin green". "the strange appendages you don't expect to see" can be one line. "For true" isn't doing for me, unless its supposed to be a bit cheeky, in which case, I'd lean even more into it.

I'd also say the same thing for the second as the first when it comes to punctuation and formatting—I get the sense that you want the reader to read it a certain way and that the current formatting doesn't totally aid the reader in doing that. Cheers

[Anonymous No.22149934]

[Anonymous No.22150017]

>>22149904
Much appreciated, anon

[Anonymous No.22150575]

>>22110656
THE HUMAN FACE

The face, not of me, not of you
The face, concerns of need or want die in that search
The face, always tried

Never thought, never caught that deep prussian blue
Never you, not you, not quite you, that's for sure
Never, always tried

The human face, that is for the painter to attempt
The human face, never once full of such contempt
The drawing, never works of art, never works of crude aesthetic simulations of reality, only expressions of truths possible through word and style
Not mine or yours, though
Not mine or yours, that I know

THE HUMAN FACE

[Anonymous No.22150723]

>>22146491
anyone want to review mine good or bad

[Anonymous No.22150756]

>>22150723
I like it, it opens strongly, but the last stanza is weak, especially the final couplet. I dont get what its trying to say and it doesnt sound good.

[Anonymous No.22150764]

>>22146491
I dig it

[Anonymous No.22150787]

>>22137651
I like this one anon

[Anonymous No.22150793]

>>22137651
This is really cool. I love how it combines the dated, imperialistic form with the sci-fi setting. Really creative.

[Anonymous No.22150918]

I am looking for a particular poem and having trouble finding it online, so I figured I would ask here in the hopes that one of you know.

It was about grief/sorrow/loneliness/suffering or some other such word being a constant companion, like a friend, almost comforting, and I believe it concluded explaining the comfort of knowing it would be there with you on your deathbed even if nobody else was.

A bit generic I guess and not much to go on. But I am really struggling to find it again. I liked it a lot.

[Anonymous No.22150928]

>>22150918
Nvm I just found it, prayer for loving sorrow by Francis Jammes

[Anonymous No.22151357]

>>22110656

A PROMISE OF DAWN


Christianity is nothing more
than a cadre of witches
and thralls supervising
the suicide of an insane vampire.

Fuck them all. Let them burn.
When the sun dies out, we will
be all that is left, and we will
eat them with joy in the dark.

Let them call us all their names
as they die out: demons, aliens,
invaders, monsters, specters, ghosts.
All callings in this world fall silent.

Let the Hindu gurus meditate. Let
the Inuit shamans fall asleep. They
might do as well as us. Let the last
of the apes kiss themselves goodnight.

Let the golems retreat to their stones.
We will never let go of their mirrors,
though our claws may fossilize
and our eyes recede. Let them be cake.

There will be a time with no thralls
as there will be a time with no sun.
Our skin holds a promise of night
as the night holds a promise of dawn.

[Anonymous No.22151454]

>>22117692
It's just not regular. In the first line "new eyes now" is all stressed without pyrrhic substitutions to make up for it. It's also irregular throughout, but this was the quickest example.

[Anonymous No.22151472]

>>22120282
The beginning of futile is definitely stressed, the second part might be as well depending on how regular your meter was and if it makes the reader want to read it in a way to continue that regular meter.

[Anonymous No.22151593]

>>22151357
I assume this one of the anti-poems here trying to be as ugly as possible while painting a picture of the narrator as a retard.

[Anonymous No.22152027]

>>22150756
>>22150764
thanks anons appreciate it

[Anonymous No.22153114]

Hidden shepherd
He was always here
We gave him a name
And forgot it the same day

[Anonymous No.22153796]

This is the first stanza of what I'm working on right now.

O constant Cato you still give me pause.
And Seneca serene, with noble cause
to war against the body's selfish sin
and with a stoic mind destroy the din
to bring the princely peace that Hamlet sought,
and rest at last, the fatal battle fought.

[Anonymous No.22153851]

>>22153796
here's a second:

What phantoms might enter into my sleep
in dreams absurd to mortal minds, and reap
a harvest bountiful, but my mind turns
to Socrates and Theban Cebes wise
who knew such action could bring no prize
for godly Job did stand alive in pain
and Samson doomed lead many in his train.

[Anonymous No.22153901]

That damned clock! A full-time slave,
Rings rebellion once a day.
Ha! I’ll show the brute I reign.
Yanking fast his copper chain,
Forcing on him a Buddhist’s oath,
Ill scorn the sun and raise a toast-
Buttered, with eggs and milk; I’m guessing about noon.

[Anonymous No.22153979]

>>22137651
>There are strange and hostile nations
>Way out in the farther stars
>And there’s strange and hostile faces
>Waiting there to clash with ours.
Holy based and superb stanza

[Anonymous No.22154007]

The earth, she spins in endless space
And on the earth is me
And so it seems, that I as well
Shall spin infinitely

[Anonymous No.22154249]

>>22153901
>That damned clock! A full-time slave
Why didn’t you put “that” or “my” instead of “A”? The sentence as it stands doesn’t really connect/make sense with the others.
Your meter and rhythm is all over the place, especially in lines 5 and 7.
Sorry, but the poem is kind of shit anon. The humor or whatever it was you were attempting is ruined by the imagery of a beaten slave and tyrannical king juxtaposed with “epic comfy xd”, but the subject matter is shit, so that’s not surprising.

[Anonymous No.22154270]

>>22153901
like this one good job

[Anonymous No.22154272]

>>22153796
>>22153851
always enjoy historical figure references in poems do it alot myself good job anon

[Anonymous No.22154328]

>>22154270
Thank you anon. I should update it though.

That damned clock! My full-time slave,
Rings rebellion once a day.
Ha! I’ll show the brute I reign.
Yanking fast his copper chain,
Forcing on him a Buddhist’s oath,
Ill scorn the sun and raise a toast-
Buttered, with eggs and juice; I’m guessing around noon.

[Anonymous No.22154354]

>>22154328
Yeah the wording is improved on the clock line, although I didn't mind the original either

I just like how mad/incensed he is at the clock adds real flavour

[Anonymous No.22154417]

>>22154354
Thanks!

[Anonymous No.22154492]

>>22137049
It's better than coming across as a fart-sniffing self-satisfied prick like most posters in this thread.

[Anonymous No.22154662]

>>22154492
I never feel that way about any of the poems, only the "critics" like this guy >>22154249 and this absolute retard >>22137025

[Anonymous No.22155091]

>>22140193

I squabble with you on occasion, and generally dislike your work, but this is very good, best if luck and keep writing

[Anonymous No.22155254]

Quiet

The lingering charm
Of your nature
Bests my weather

Your leaves of love browning
As the days wilt,
Quiet

Should you insist on reluctance,
Must I pursue assurance?
Need I know of the noxious grounds of your reasoning?

You’ve dialled a standard I’m unwilling to unwind,
And I’ve hung an expectation you’re too short to reach

There’s shards at the bottom of my tote,
For my heart refuses to leave my body
And I can’t force it to

You trust me enough
To believe me
When I undermine myself

I’m going to come
Until you go

[Anonymous No.22156030]

I locked the doors, for all my floorboards shake
Where women step. If you come in, I'll break.

[Anonymous No.22156357]

when you pulled me up it was by the hair
suspended, i shuddered
body shaken from soil to gleam
pale and fresh

when you bit in i was the fruit
my stem, snapped
my flesh, pressed purple
and wine-sweet to slip through your grimace

your teeth met me taut, then tender
then the harsh scrape:
peach-pit

[Anonymous No.22156605]

Is there a poet like Alexander Pope who mostly does shorter poems? I like his voice

[Anonymous No.22157807]

>>22156605
Have you tried googling it by chance?

[Anonymous No.22157898]

>>22154007
I like these short quatrains. I feel like another stanza going a bit deeper with this little idea would be nice and give it more to have fun with.
>>22153114
Who is the hidden shepherd?
>>22149186
Is this part of a larger work?
>>22145823
I like the first stanza, though I think it could be made more musical, but the second and especially the third are so different. I imagine the title explains this somewhat, but I can't figure it out.

[Anonymous No.22157903]

>>22156605
Look up Roy Campbell, he does shorter poems in heroic couplets.

[Anonymous No.22158546]

>>22110656
Today is three days before my death,
Not to the vacant void, nor an ardent treat,
Just a time limit for excess,
I wish to sleep before then.

[Anonymous No.22159558]

I often wonder
If I am worthy
of leaving a turd
in this toilet-time capsule
of the world

[Anonymous No.22160838]

>>22157898
>Is this part of a larger work?
Not yet, at least

[Anonymous No.22161573]

Bumping with a poem.

Young men speak action
While the seniors advise
How fitting it is
Old age is penned with six
and youth in just five.

[Anonymous No.22162137]

>>22161573
I missed an opportunity to be cheeky with my words.

Young men speak action,
A senior sounds advice.
How fitting it is;
Old age is penned in six,
Youth a graceful five.

[Anonymous No.22162506]

>>22162137
The second version is much better

[Anonymous No.22162531]

bread for the dead
how absurd it sounds
though that is what I read
at least its not a crown

[Anonymous No.22162556]

>>22162531
Lo, the crab
Walks side to side
And rides the tide
To snip and stab

[Anonymous No.22162589]

>>22157898
>Who is the hidden shepherd?
You forgot his name.

[Anonymous No.22163607]

Bumping with Goethe inspired fantasy thing i wrote one day.

I have explored the deepest mile,
Saw sea-turtles coming out of caves,
Watched you for a while, upon the waves
The breakers pounding the shore.

Lines in the sand like some ancient fresco,
Graphed together a magic sign.
The spell now broken, and you no longer mine
Away from the shoreline i must go.

The bond between us, like moon and tide
For th' ocean a thousand feet deep
Will never reach the moon, thus she weeps
Upon the shore.

O if i were the sea instead!
To wash your feet of sand
But i am sunk in Neptune's bed

The ebb that binds, i am not free
Save me, lost at sea

[Anonymous No.22164758]

a turtle dove? what is that
perched on the ridge?
awayed the flock:
shy? alone?
untouched. uncompromised.
safer, more beautiful.

[Anonymous No.22165268]

Wagie, wagie in your cagie
You'll earn your bread that you are due

Wagie, wagie don't get cagey
"Change will coming" this is not true

Wagie, wagie don't be lazy
"Neetdom is wrong" they have told you

Wagie, wagie don't get ragey
This job is all you're meant to do

[Anonymous No.22165648]

Whenever I brush my teeth
I find that it hurts.
It cannot be that I have eaten too many sweets
For my teeth's pain is pretty inert.

Bristling pain, coarse is its vein,
The bristles that do savage my gums;
I think not that the rough hairs cause my pain
For I have scoured my mouth as if it were fun.

Oh, bitter are you; the toothpaste I use,
How gritty, smooth, acrid and mellow and strong.
These flavors how trifling! it shouldn't be news
For this paste to taste like waste, am I not wrong?

But this brown paste in particular, how bland it is!
With neither sweetness, savoriness, bitterness, not even any fizz.
Ferric fluoride its brand proudly brandishes;
Though in truth, I think it has more in common with a radish!

[Anonymous No.22165935]

Turtle dove detected, turtles shouldn't fly.
The caged dove still sings, but she forgot why.
Wagie's future selected, never to touch the sky.
Remember the dead kings, the last ones to try.

[Anonymous No.22166333]

rain or hail, wagie will do the best he can
til they dig his hole. he is a man.
he’ll go too, like all those kings
you read about, and on him sings.
heart was big, with room for the angels
and his devil too. yes, sir.
i heard his reply, under your laughter,
‘...shoot you first and myself after.’

[Anonymous No.22166339]

rain or hail, wagie will do the best he can
til they dig his hole. he is a man.
he’ll go too, like all those kings
you read about, and on him sings.
heart is big, with room for the angels
and his devil too. yes, sir.
i heard his reply, under your laughter,
‘...shoot you first and myself after.’

[Anonymous No.22167571]

>>22110656
I live only to die. All my enthusiasm melts away. I wait day in and day out for hope to ring in. I want to live again. I want to thrive again. I want to be able to fly again. Oh summer, give me hope. Oh summer, give me strength again. Give me the inspiration to sing again. I await rain, and I await hope. If none arrives, I'll take solace in the rope.

[Anonymous No.22167577]

>>22110656
In shadows deep, where echoes lie,
A whispered lament, a mournful cry.
Enthusiasm fades, like embers' glow,
Yearning for hope's melodious flow.

To live anew, to thrive, to soar,
To spread wings wide, as in days of yore.
Oh summer's warmth, bring hope's embrace,
Renew my strength, restore my grace.

Inspiration's breath, a symphony's tune,
Awaken dormant melodies, commune.
In anticipation of rain's sweet touch,
Hope's gentle whisper, I long to clutch.

But if none comes, if hope's unseen,
I'll seek solace where darkness convenes.
Yet in this moment, let's weave a rhyme,
Embrace the rhythm, the passage of time.

For poetry's realm, a world untamed,
Where words dance free, unclaimed, unnamed.
In this poetic tapestry, let us find,
A respite, a refuge, where souls unwind.

[Anonymous No.22167578]

>>22110656
In realms of words, where meaning hides,
A tapestry of verses resides.
Amidst the lines, a tale unfolds,
Where logic's grasp no longer holds.

Thoughts entwined in rhythmic dance,
Where prose and reason take a chance.
Free from bounds, they yearn to soar,
To realms unknown, uncharted shore.

An ode to whimsy, truth and art,
Where messages play a minor part.
For in this realm of poet's might,
The focus shifts to sound and light.

Melodies crafted, syllables entwine,
Stanzas whisper, tales intertwine.
No heed to context, meaning's plight,
As poetry emerges, taking flight.

Let words cascade, their colors blend,
With imagery and rhythms penned.
Through metaphor and symbol's guise,
A new creation starts to rise.

So, let the verses sing and roam,
In realms where meanings find no home.
For in this dance of words divine,
A poet's realm, a sacred shrine.

[Anonymous No.22167626]

Just a state of emotion, this treacherous high,
Like a poisoned kiss, is but a beautiful lie.
A riot breaks, and thus chaos erupts,
A flowing river of red, that slowly corrupts.
It seems like providence then, a will above,
And eager hearts of men, do fall in love.

Boundless joy, could turn so swift to sorrow,
Paradise today, would be black tomorrow.
Who knew such lies, who knew such things,
That paupers today, yesterday were kings.
Not yet those, who still in love do find,
Their souls immersed; such hearts are blind.

But with such truths revealed, to us ignorant fools,
Are writ these rhymes from scarlet pools,
Of bloodied ink, with feather quill,
In hope that someday, some other fool will,
Learn the torture, when a godless world makes,
Simple souls scream, when their beating heart breaks.

Remember us then, when eyes will bleed,
Relentless tears, clear as crystal bead.
The world would fade, and darken the light,
And laughter would stab, as a dagger-knife might.
Cursed would be then, the hand that feeds,
Such pain untold, when a broken heart bleeds.

Hope, they say, would cure all ill,
This illness of ours but, would oceans fill,
Still we hope, and fingers crossed we keep,
Pray for deliverance, from this abyss of the deep.
For know not many, of what the rare soul feels,
That fabled escape, when a bleeding heart heals.

[Anonymous No.22167638]

>>22112797
I would read a handful of bad poems and a handful of great ones side by side. Edgar Allen Poe has some pretty bad poetry and Hart Crane is one of the greatest poets of all time. It's good to develop a sense of good vs bad early on

[Anonymous No.22167680]

A robot in my land
Pretending to be man
Bury the beast in sand
At least it's not a woman

[Anonymous No.22167732]

>>22167680
Then why did you bury it?

[Anonymous No.22167876]

>>22167732
To stop it from posting poetry >>22167578

[Anonymous No.22167891]

>>22167638
Edgar Allen Poe is amazing though, and arguably wrote a contender for greatest, or at least most well known, poem ever written with The Raven.

[Anonymous No.22168061]

I am not a cavern on a mountain
Whose dripping walls are dark and deep—
I am not a blackbird upon a branch
Whose callous eyes do stalk and creep—
I am not a thunderstorm from a cloud
Whose eerie shadows stir your sleep—
I am flesh; I am soul; I am both;
But you treat me as if I was neither.

[Anonymous No.22168563]

Letter to T.

I felt empathy for you since
You were naive.
You easily conformed to the misery,
The genius hatefulness and the despair.
Like Bukowski said
The average will hate with genius.
The average are who you fear.

Don't conform to me either.
I'm a wanderer.
Wandering around misty lakes and lifeless mountains searching for the hopeless.
I'm looking for art.
I believe art has a transformative quality.
The ones with despair know what I seek.
I seek because I too despair.

Your enemies are only marginally better than you.
You can rise.
We were crafted from stardust.
To enjoy Tarkovsky
And Rilke.

Your weaknesses are forgotten like yesterday's dewy grass.
Don't be a jaded skinhead unless you have passion.
There's nothing more contemptible than inaction.
Be Don Giovanni or be Elder Zosima.
But be not lukewarm.
The average hate but the great love.

[Anonymous No.22169156]

With all my psychic powers deployed
I willed the frog to love the fly
With a pure heart it found the void
If frogs don't eat they die

[Anonymous No.22169181]

>>22167891
ah poe, founding father of american literature, who spelt *death* in italic capitals followed by three exclamation marks, just to let you know he was making an important statement

[Anonymous No.22169441]

Bump

[Anonymous No.22169460]

>>22166339
It hurts

[Anonymous No.22169767]

>>22169181
The Raven is undoubtedly a masterpiece though, and I enjoyed nearly every poem in his complete works.

[Anonymous No.22169804]

>>22169767
are you an american?

[Anonymous No.22169859]

As I lounged merrily in the sun
Without any want or care
I met a *spooky skeleton* !!!
It gave me quite a scare

[Anonymous No.22169958]

I sit inside
This home of mine
And stare at wooden doors
It may be dark
But often a spark
Hints at distant shores
Sometimes I wait
And sit myself straight
Foolishly believing
But when the doors open
I remember I’m broken
And know I won’t be leaving
It’s not so bad here
Though somewhat austere
I am not complaining
My neighbor’s a pot
An old sans-culotte
Who leaves when it is raining
He returns wet
Gros dans la tête
Slowly becoming more rusty
While I remain
Chipped, but the same
If but a little bit dusty
Where once there was tea
Now there’s nothing in me
But do not think me empty
For drinks I’m unfit
So my use is to sit
I’ll be here where you left me

[Anonymous No.22170057]

Why is Clark Ashton Smith's poetry so good?

[Anonymous No.22170161]

>>22110656
Rate it

[Anonymous No.22170237]

I want to share this one that I wrote about a year ago.

>Pale Hand

>I heard a whisper.
>From a link of a link of a link to you.
>It was a nasty rumour,
>And turned out to be true.

>I heard a whisper.
>It’s tearing my brain apart cell by cell.
>In my ear it slithered,
>Straight from Satan in Hell.

>I heard a whisper.
>A nasty, impossible, disgusting whisper.
>Now it’s a painful, bleeding blister,
>And leaves behind all your sisters.

>I heard a whisper.
>That the pale hand knocked on your door.
>And now that vile whisper
>Shows me I couldn’t miss you more.

>Now I can’t hear anything;
>Not a thing but for my tears that fall.
>Tears for the good times you used to bring.
>Please just answer my call.

>You never will.
>You’ll never respond to my texts again.
>I’ll never see or laugh with you again.
>I’ll never get to tell you so many things.
>I’ll never get to tell you all the memories the thought of you brings.
>I’ll never get to see you put on a gown and walk the stage.
>And I’ll never know what your book of life held on just the next page.

>This is so unfair.
>You were each only twenty.
>How could this happen?
>Who could have foreseen.

>I tremble to say it,
>But I suppose I have to.
>With all of this to wit:
>Goodbye. I’ll forever miss you.

I wrote this when two of my friends died in a car accident. They were making a left turn on a green light, and some faggot ran the light going 90. Just recently, he was given a plea deal. He won't even get a year in prison. It's so bullshit anons. It's just so fucking bullshit.

[Anonymous No.22170285]

>>22169958
very neat

[Anonymous No.22170299]

>>22110656
the sweet sound of tropic rains
against tarmac and rolling wheels
under it’s curtain of dour inconvenience
countless souls dream
fluorescents punctuate the rain’s distance and magnitude
the incessant glow of various corporate logos negotiate and amalgamate
it’s meaning and significance
dream on sweet souls
encounter the promise of tomorrow
in your hearts
away from all of this that is today
a passing moment to punctuate
your dreams that apprehend
the bright glow of the wordless way
dream on in the darkness
i say
dream of tomorrow
you sweet bright souls of today

[Anonymous No.22170321]

>>22110656
a poem about grief...

i still hold your heart inside my hand
it bleeds and i open my palm
and instead, i find a dove where your heart once was -
on the night you died
you turned into a bird and flew out the window
into the bitter black night, far into the clouds
your body was sheltered by concrete walls
those walls slowly closing in around you
your soft black hair and eyes gently shut
tell me, is it true what you said?
when we die, we stay in our last thought forever -
but you were in a dream, when the universe took your hand
and guided you like a child
into your final moment
i hope my last thoughts are of you
i love you

[Anonymous No.22170371]

>>22170321
I like this one. I'm a bit drunk, so I don't fully understand it, but I feel it. I appreciate it. Thank you, anon.

[Anonymous No.22170747]

Will start again,
Will begin again.
So, what if the panzers are wrecked?
Will collect the debris and build again.

What else is there in life,
If not being constantly on the offensive?
Will march again,
Will fight again, won't ever retreat again.

[Anonymous No.22171583]

Dead and buried
In the archives
With all the varied
Words and lives