/wg/ - Writing General

[Anonymous No.21938157]

"Giant Cock" edition

Previous thread:
>>21931132

/wg/ AUTHORS & FLASH FICTION: https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ
RESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONS: https://pastebin.com/nFxdiQvC

Please limit excerpts to one post.
Give advice as much as you receive it to the best of your ability.
Follow prompts made below and discuss written works for practice; contribute and you shall receive.
If you have not performed a cursory proofread, do not expect to be treated kindly. Edit your work for spelling and grammar before posting.
Violent shills, relentless shill-spammers, and grounds keeping prose, should be ignored and reported.

Simple guides on writing:
>https://youtu.be/pHdzv1NfZRM
>https://youtu.be/whPnobbck9s
>https://youtu.be/YAKcbvioxFk

Thread theme:
>https://youtu.be/3KgB-sI2H-c

[Anonymous No.21938191]

You did write your 2000 daily words today, right /wg/?

[Anonymous No.21938200]

>>21938157
red junglefowls are my favorite chicken

[Anonymous No.21938209]

An unusual tone for me.
Feedback appreciated.

micz.substack.com/p/the-pillars-of-civilization

Also, after you read it:
Is the title too much? Trees, columns, erections. Do you get it yet? Feels crass rather then clever, but i’ve been encouraged to keep it.

[Anonymous No.21938214]

>>21938209
And the cover image, because lit just refuses to attach thing lately.

[Anonymous No.21938220]

there is no way in gods green earth that I will ever write something as good as solenoid

[Anonymous No.21938222]

>>21938191
Currently at 11k words so far.
I was at 6k last week.
Going to go for 40k after everything is said and done.
I showed my book to some friends and family yesterday.
They didn't say anything to me about it yet.
One of my cousins actually instead asked me what I'm planning to do about school.
Kind of has me feeling a little defensive but I'm probably overreacting.

[Anonymous No.21938224]

>>21938209
are you depressed anon?

[Anonymous No.21938233]

>>21938224
No really, just moody sometimes.
The usual thing everyone suffers from.

Does it come off that way?

[Anonymous No.21938242]

>>21938222
Every major writer had a regular source of income, and even in the unlikely chance you are a gifted prose artist, a $1 million advance is still not enough to retire on. (FYI, the average advance nowadays is something like $5k for a traditionally published novel).

Do yourself a favour and don’t neglect your schooling, or finding a job to pay the bills in the meantime.

[Anonymous No.21938244]

>>21938242
Oh yeah that's not the issue.
I write as a hobby not as a job.
I'd probably kill myself if I tried to do it as a career.

[Anonymous No.21938252]

>>21938233
not really

[Anonymous No.21938257]

>>21938209
So did you get laid?

[Anonymous No.21938263]

I'm kind of regretting picking up writing.
Now after I pick up a book even stuff I've read in the past from start to finish I can't help but see it through the lens of scrutiny and compare it to my own material.
I don't have the balls to post my own shit yet but I don't enjoy reading books as much because of this. How do I separate the two?

[Anonymous No.21938266]

>>21938252
Spellcheck my poem for me instead. I keep catching silly mistakes just before sending them out.

One day i'll have egg on my face.

[Anonymous No.21938334]

>>21938209
It's a fine title.
For what it's worth i didn't get the pun.
I Thought it was about Greek and Roman concepts of citizenship, with a little sex thrown in.

I do really like it BTW

[Anonymous No.21938338]

>>21938334
Made me think of this book and the narrator wondering if he belongs to the tribe

[Anonymous No.21938360]

>>21938209
>micz.substack.com/p/the-pillars-of-civilization
>Your punctuation is atrocious
>Your first line of every stanza is good
>Almost all your second lines end in a rhyme but still don't match the first lines meter
>First and third last stanza are your best the rest of them are eh.

[Anonymous No.21938388]

>>21938334
First of all thank you for reading, and reading seriously. Cant ask for more then that.
I have read The Ancient City and the idea of belonging and being apart was there from the beginning .

> All familiar temptations to a citizen at night
> Any ancient god is likely to encounter with delight.

But really if it's about anything more then girls, and being mopey on a hilltop it's about the Greek religion surviving as the states of mind they can represent.

>>21938360
> Your punctuation is atrocious
I'll grant you that.
Im sorry you didint like it. But thank you for reading anyway. 50% good lines don't make a 50% good poem but it's something.

>>21938257
Now, a gentleman never tells.

[Anonymous No.21938472]

Do any of you anons have multiple handles for your works?
I'm thinking if I ever get into a smut writing phase I might want to separate myself from regular books.
What would you guys do? How would you go about it?
I've been reading Jenika Snow that fat whore and she's been getting me really interested in making my own shitty smut novel.

[Anonymous No.21938512]

Do you add padding as your story progresses or after you're done with the main plot and characters? I feel like sometimes authors will go back before publishing and add more details to their scenes and stuff.
Or maybe that's just me. Some books I've read have a ton of details in-between scenes to really give the reader a picture of what's happening vs focusing more on what's moving the story along.

[Anonymous No.21938526]

>>21938512
>viewing atmosphere as padding
Your frame work is fundamentally fucked up
The purpose of the prose isn't to tell the events of the plot as efficiently as possible. Youu should try to challenge the notion and develop your perspective if you don't want your writing to be dry as fuck

[Anonymous No.21938541]

Doing something a little different.
https://tookys.substack.com/p/tookys-reviews-the-last-free-man

[Anonymous No.21938562]

>>21938526
That doesn't really go anywhere. Can you actually elaborate?

[Anonymous No.21938575]

>>21938263
Comparison is the thief of joy, anon. Instead of thinking about how their writing is much better than yours, look for aspects of the book that you enjoy: is it prose, characterization, a deftly-woven narrative? See a beautiful or poignant sentence, write it down. There is definitely a way to read that's constructive rather than self-destructive. Be forgiving with yourself. You are not Shakespeare and will never be, but that's okay. You can be you, to the best of your abilities, as long as you don't give up.

[Anonymous No.21938676]

I hate having to come up with names for fantasy creatures or concepts. It's even harder than actually writing the story.

[Anonymous No.21938678]

>Publish on RR
>Views and ratings and follows and favorites are good, but the comments are antagonistic and demotivating, and really making me not want to keep writing

Should I just disable commenting on all chapters?

I really don't want to keep dealing with these purely negative commentors

[Anonymousn No.21938690]

>>21938562
NTA but he's absolutely correct. If plot purely was what mattered, people would read nothing but Wikipedia synopses. The shifts in mood you get in those 'in-between' scenes, the echoes and contrasts between characters inner lives, the sense of a interconnected world and the rhythm of real experience -- these are essential parts of the pleasure of reading, and in many ways the plot is only there to give them a pretext, to act as a scaffold around which to spin threads not so easy to condense into a synopsis.

[Anonymous No.21938694]

>>21938678
Cultivate discord community. Ignore RR comments.

[Anonymousn No.21938709]

>>21938562
NTA but he's absolutely correct.

If plot purely were what mattered, people would read nothing but Wikipedia synopses. The shifts in mood you get in those 'in-between' scenes, the echoes and contrasts between characters' inner lives, the sense of an interconnected world and the rhythm of real experience -- these are essential parts of the pleasure of reading, and in many ways the plot is only there to give them a pretext, to act as a scaffold around which to spin threads not so easy to condense into a synopsis.

Here's a very crude analogy: If you invited me to your house for dinner, and treated our conversation, our sense of the night falling in the garden outside, our jokes and reminiscences and allusions to friends past -- if you treated them as nothing but conventionally necessary padding around the real purpose, that of chomping down on a roast, then I'd perhaps think you a good cook but, even more so, I'd think you a poor and insensitive and unimaginative host.

[Anonymous No.21938711]

>>21938694
What's RR?
Don't tell me it's some Reading Reddit or some shit

[Anonymous No.21938724]

>>21938709
This makes more sense.
You actually put it into perspective, whereas he didn't even bother giving detail on what he meant.

[Anonymous No.21938726]

>>21938711

[Anonymousn No.21938727]

>>21938709
(I'm trying out a new 'posting voice', btw.)

[Anonymous No.21938728]

>>21938209
>micz.substack.com/p/the-pillars-of-civilization

This is more like the first things you posted, it's fun! It's good that you are taking this seriously but don't feel the need you be a serious poet.
There is not enough light verse out there, write a parody, be like pope, have fun with it. The title is a duck joke. Great!

[Anonymous No.21938732]

>>21938728
duck joke woohoo

[Anonymousn No.21938752]

If anyone feels in the mood to read two longish short stories, and hopefully learn something about writing in the process, I recommend 'A Terribly Strange Bed' by Wilkie Collins followed by 'The Inn of the Two Witches' by Joseph Conrad, both old enough to be freely available online.

The two stories are focused around the same central plot-point (the 'strange bed' -- I will say no more!), so it's intriguing to see how two authors can handle the same basic premise so differently.

I think the exercise shows how much more sophisticated Conrad is as a storyteller, how much more inventive and subtle. By comparing them I learnt a lot about what it means to turn an idea into an actual story.

[Anonymous No.21938956]

>>21938676
>names for fantasy creatures
create a formula whereby you take words/ common sounds from existing cultures and modify them in a consistent manner. It might be somewhat repetitive, but naming your mc karthweynd because it sounds like a tolkien name is worse.
>concepts
keep it simple, stupid. If you're naming a concept/ phenomenon, just use words that describe that thing. World War II, 100 Years War. Or you can use intentionally incorrect descriptors to highlight e.g. a deficiency of knowledge of people in the universe. E.g. Spanish Flu.
Nobody's gonna think your world is cool because there's a magical phenomenon called the Mephistopheles Sanhedrin Doom Overdrive.

[Anonymous No.21938999]

>>21938676
I just use single words and make them into compound words

[Anonymous No.21939020]

>>21938676
I hate reading names of fantasy creatures and concepts. It's like mind pollution, new words that will never have any relevance to anything. Just don't do it, abandon the entire project and write something interesting instead.

[Anonymous No.21939028]

>>21938752
>finally see Wilkie Collins being recommended
>It's as a negative comparison

[Anonymous No.21939030]

>>21939020
Want to read my fantasy story?

[Anonymousn No.21939038]

>>21939028
It's not fair to put anyone in the ring with Conrad.

But it's the only Wilkie Collins I've read. Any recommendations for a next step?

[Anonymous No.21939039]

>>21938472
just include portions of smut in your serious books and then all your books can use the same name. simples

[Anonymous No.21939045]

>>21938678
>comments are demotivating
that's surprising. statistically the most common comment your should get is ty for the chapter. maybe you just have very thin skin? if people are leaving feedback you should at least consider what they're saying before dismissing it

[Anonymous No.21939059]

>>21938999
That's the most dogshit fantasy trope ever. Welcome to fucking moonstonewall! Welcome to woodwater forest! Horseshit.

[Anonymous No.21939077]

>>21939038
I thoroughly enjoyed The Moonstone. I just read it this month and it was my first 5-star read of the year. It's a bit long but T.S. Eliot called it "the first, longest, and best of modern English detective novels" and I particularly enjoyed it for his grasp on characterization and voice. The Woman in White is also long but it's certainly his most famous work.
The only short story I've read of his, if you don't want to invest that much time, is "The Biter Bit". It's a mystery short story, but tongue-in-cheek. It did make me chuckle.

[Anonymous No.21939078]

>>21939059
Krebul was a Krebulorian from the planet Krebulor 9. Krebul sighed as he entered the city gates of Krebular. "Krebul! You old kreblaxor!" a Krebulorian with a familiar face yelled out. "The prophecy of Krebular says you must go to the mountains of Krebulax and retreive the sword of Krebuli" the Krebulorian said krebulantly.

[Anonymous No.21939079]

>>21938999
>>21939059
I got both of you beat. I just use names for similar things that exist or were written about IRL. Oh, there's a giant stick insect that hides in the forest by using natural camouflage? That's a Phasmid. Oh, there's a giant flying monster that sort of looks like an ape and has a terrible visage? That's a Gargoyle. My main villain can fly and in his true form has the lower body of a serpent? His name is Typhon.

[Anonymousn No.21939093]

>>21939077
Nice, thanks for the recs. Those early works from the foetal days of genres are always cool. I'll line up The Biter Bit for when I need something to read with my coffee tomorrow.

[Anonymous No.21939103]

>>21939093
I'm currently going down the rabbit hole of the birth of the detective and mystery genre. I hope you find some enjoyment in it, anon.

[Anonymous No.21939170]

>>21939078
better than motherfuckers calling shit dh'dhurjv and <random syllables>ia.

[Anonymous No.21939205]

God damn Gardner got another book? And I'm here still trying to think of a name for my MC.

[Anonymous No.21939218]

>>21938678
post link or give examples of 'negative comments'.

[Anonymous No.21939220]

>>21938263
I know the feeling. There is a story that I keep up with, The Runesmith, and it is clear that the writer is either an ESL or just doesn't bother properly editing their work before posting since I always find numerous typos or wrong words.
I can still enjoy reading it (though it is glacial in its pacing sometimes) but it does make me like it less.

[Anonymous No.21939231]

>>21939205
Not hard when it’s just a few thousand words of mindless drivel, but I’m sure you already knew that Frank.

[Anonymous No.21939234]

>>21938562
If the purpose of your prose isn't to convey the plot efficiently, then what is it?
It's an interface with the reader which effects them by being emotionally evocative and leading their thoughts. The elements of story telling are contribute to a composite to this end
>>21938724
Everyone is going to have different answers to the question of "what is the purpose of prose [and story telling]"
I get being new and taking assumptions for granted, but at some point you have to think a little

[Anonymous No.21939236]

>>21938711
Royal Road.

[Anonymous No.21939242]

>>21939030
NTA, but I'd give it a look.

[Anonymous No.21939258]

>>21939079
I do this.
Giant shadow wolf? Skoll.
Giant light wolf? Hati.
The first evolves into a Fenrir, and from a Warg.
I made up my own things, but I give them more reasonable names like Spinal Spiders, Stone Boars, Bark Spiders. I try to think, what would the first person who encounters and names these things call them? Now, some of them are named after mythological creatures for an in world reason, but that is something I came up with as a reason to avoid making a huge list of magical creature names that nobody is going to remember.

[Anonymous No.21939266]

So I'm going to post this because it really irritates me. The author of this story posted it a couple threads back wanting to know why people aren't reading his work
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/66296/himemonogatari
So the criticism he received was that the blurb is completely, utterly, horribly generic and that the name may also be causing people to not want to read it. He took offense. So I left his story link open in a tab and I glanced at it today and it looks like a day ago he posted another chapter. He didn't fix his blurb. He didn't make any changes whatsoever. And his views have not really moved.

So listen up, dumbfuck dipshits. When you specifically come asking for advice you may want to at least consider the advice you get, especially when you're not doing so great to begin with. When a reader leaves feedback, you should consider it, even if you come to the conclusion that it may be incorrect. Get the fuck over yourself.

[Anonymousn No.21939275]

>>21939266
>Life sucked and it wasn't getting any better for anyone. People lived in a grey world and reveled in their sorrow. Though they could move their hands they never sought to change their circumstance around. Made worse was underlying shadows creeping under the world's feet. If no one was going to act then the Protagonist would as a protagonist should. Taking the role as the world's savior, a hero of light, the protagonist would be followed by a party of like minded individuals rejected by society for choosing to paint the world in color rather than grey. Kindness and compassion was the solution, or so it should be. This was not only their new beginnings but also their new ends.

Every sentence is just bafflingly bad.

[Anonymous No.21939300]

>>21939266
I didn't finish the first chapter, but I wonder, why Himemonogatari? How is it a princess story? Because that is what it translates to. I assume he just wanted to invoke the monogatari series of light novels, but if that is the reason, then it is a bad one.

[Anonymous No.21939305]

Results of 1 year on RR, starting as a brand new writer.
Have lots of followers, but dogshit patreon. Sad days.

[Anonymous No.21939312]

>>21939266
>Story on RR
>Not progression fantasy
This type of edgy weebfic gets readers on Scribblehub.

[Anonymous No.21939313]

>>21939266
Please tell me I'm overthinking this and you're not the actual author of that fiction? Your braindamaged writing style and surreally aggressive reaction to a random nobody's work kinda suggests so. Either way, I'd like to tell you that you need to be over 18 years old to browse this website.

[Anonymous No.21939329]

>>21939305
>many such cases.

[Anonymous No.21939335]

Are conferences worth it if you've got some unpublished manuscripts?

[Anonymous No.21939348]

>>21939335
I want to visit one.

[Anonymous No.21939353]

>>21939305
That's good. 305 reviews are a lot

[Anonymous No.21939369]

>>21939305
Damn. I'm going to hit a year in June and I've got 2 reviews, one positive, and one somewhat negative.

[Anonymous No.21939374]

OH NOOO! IM GONNA PROCRASTOONATE

Somebody please help

[Anonymous No.21939377]

>>21939374
Just as a baker bakes, so does a writer write. Do your job!

[Anonymous No.21939380]

>>21939369
I write LitRPG so I get many many follows.

[Anonymous No.21939385]

>>21939380
Dang. I write fantasy, but not LitRPG.

[Anonymous No.21939390]

>>21938224
>>21938233
How would one know if they were depressed or moody? Also, is that sentence grammar fine? I feel like I could swap would or might, and I don't know if the neutral they goes with one.

[Anonymous No.21939405]

>>21939390
Well the poem is about the difficulty of being depressed. Something always interferes. Girls, music, the gods .

[Anonymous No.21939410]

Ahahahaha! Today I finished a chapter and then wrote 2k words on top of that.
The book is practically writing itself at this point and I'm meeting no resistance. 111k words and counting. This will be my proudest unpublishable, meandering and self-indulgent piece of shit manuscript.
The midget is living inside the walls of the mall now. 7 more chapters and the home-alone shenanigans can begin. I can see it in my mind. Fireworks are going off outside to celebrate the New Year, a gang of kids has broken into the mall to look for a legendary arcade cabinet and the midget will fend them off with home-made traps
This is the reason I was born to this world

[Anonymous No.21939412]

>>21939305
That seems pretty good. I've seen worse stats with better patreons
Is there something you have to do to shill your patreon effectively or something?

[Anonymous No.21939413]

>>21939405
I mean how would the alleged depressed person know

[Anonymous No.21939421]

>>21939413
NTA but I knew I was depressed because I wanted to die, I had no real drive for anything, and I just wanted to sleep or play games and what have you to avoid thinking about how much I wanted to just stop the pain of existence.
Now I only want to kill myself when I edit my story.
I still keep my irony up when talking about the subject.

[Anonymous No.21939422]

>>21939412
If you want good patreon you need lots of cliffhangers, a good and consistent posting schedule, and a story that gets readers heavily invested in it. A normal patreon conversion is 2% of followers. God tier is 10%.

But the real money is on amazon and audiobooks. Get front page on rising stars and indie pubs will jump in your DMs

[Anonymous No.21939426]

>>21939266
filtered. i didnt take offense to your critique of my blurb, you just didnt get it and apparently still dont. probably because you havent opened more than one chapter and actually thought to yourself why it is the way it is. and i didnt necessarily ask for advice. i talked with many RR authors and i know what the site likes, generically bad litrpgs, which isnt my style or genre i enjoy writing at all. i know im not going to get any readers or traction within weeks or even months because my story is far removed from litrpg/gamelit/isekai, all of it. maybe if i made my blurb describing every chapter you would get it.

>>21939300
read it and you would know why its himemonogatari. and no, the name is not inspire from the monogatari series

[Anonymous No.21939431]

>>21939413
Well you have me there. Whatever i have im doing just fine. Depression poetry is a mug's game anyway

[Anonymous No.21939434]

>>21939413
This is a strange question

[Anonymous No.21939439]

>>21939410
Tfw you write a 1169 page book and realize youd have to split it up into three since the average novel doesn't go past 120k words

[Anonymous No.21939454]

>>21939439
More books means more sales, right?

[Anonymous No.21939460]

>>21939421
Damn. Maybe, I'm depressed.
>>21939434
I ask because I'm moody too.
>>21939431
I'm from the poetry thread too btw. I didn't expect to see you here. I see people here gave you a better critique than I did, and now I feel incompetent.

[Anonymous No.21939464]

I'm currently doing some writing, and I was wondering about the usage of "you" in a novel. It's sort of a story about making a story, and in the beginning, I do "talk to the audience" a little bit, but it's only in the opening line. Would using "you" in this instance seem strange? I rewrote it using "he" for the second one, but they're both supposed to be the reasoning for why a character said something.

[Anonymous No.21939499]

>>21939464
You could try one
>The same way one would've told a child they could do anything
It is more impersonal and an authorial voice, which is the same reason you would use you.
But, if it is being used to as a voice for the character in question, I'd use he.

[Anonymous No.21939517]

>>21939426
>filtered
how does it feel being a genius in your own mind?

[Anonymous No.21939529]

>>21939410
So did your MC slay an orc and find the magical gem of power?

[Anonymous No.21939530]

>>21939426
Either you are not asking for feedback in good faith or you're actually mentally ill, but that is not how a summary or title works. Even the best authors cannot get away with that when there are piles of shit to wade through to find a good story. Unironically titling it and having the summary as "Read it and see" is more attractive than whatever you have going on. I hope to be as delusional as you someday to think that people should read my stories without giving them any reason to.
>t. one of the original anons who gave you feedback

[Anonymous No.21939531]

>>21939305
Sounds like you're writing a lot of different stories (since 305 reviews would be insanely high for just 1). That might be your issue.

How bad is 'bad' for the Patreon? What's your highest single story follower count?

Typically the most basic requirement is a long, ongoing story with a decent amount of chapters in advance for Patreon. Basically, more info needed to diagnose your issue.

[Anonymous No.21939544]

>>21939499
>>21939464
"You" conveys a familial warm tone, not bad necessarily

[Anonymous No.21939579]

>>21939530
you didnt give me feedback, you just said my blurb sucks and to change it without even taking in the bigger picture. im not going to listen to someone who read one sentence and immediately disregarded it, nor do i want a reader like that to stick around. yor complaints go in a separate pile.
>delusional as you someday to think that people should read my stories without giving them any reason to.
is reading for the sake of it a foreign concept in your mind? reading because you like to read, whether it be quality or trash? i like to. so yeah maybe i am the mentality ill schizo whos delusional enough to make something like this

[Anonymous No.21939633]

>>21939266
2anime4me

[Anonymous No.21939635]

Here's a life lesson. Being a cantankerous ass does no one any favors. It doesn't help you, it doesn't help the people around you. Matter of fact it actively drives them away. Pitching a fucking fit is childish, clown behavior.
>you just said my blurb sucks and to change it without even taking in the bigger picture
Here's the bigger picture. I am a potential reader. I read your blurb. I move on without reading any further. If you have some super clever concept maybe try and make your blurb clever instead of chatgpt tier.

[Anonymous No.21939642]

>>21939633
It's so anime it even starts off like FLCL. And hell I'll wager that's where you got it from.
>Boring day
>Girl from the sky
>Magical powers to save the world from boring days

[Anonymous No.21939644]

>>21939579
>Why should we, the potential readers, care about your protagonist in particular? There must be some reason, otherwise you wouldn't bother writing your story, right? Name the protag in your synopsis. Talk about the traits that make him stand out and the aspects of your story that make it unique among millions of others.
I gave you concrete feedback on how to improve your summary, you lobotomite. I was even kind about it.
>reading because you like to read, whether it be quality or trash?
My time on this earth is finite and I find it an act of aggression that you would waste my time with something you admit is not of quality.
May God be with your story, because the readers will not.

[Anonymous No.21939679]

>>21939635
then youre not my type of reader. and if trying to explain to you how i view it is throwing a fit then i mightve well not said anything to spare ourselves from this misunderstanding
>>21939644
if God's the only one reading it then so be it

[Anonymous No.21939807]

>>21938157
How do you write trickster-style villains well? Ones like Loki.

[Anonymous No.21939856]

>>21939807
By example.
look at the myths of Loki or Coyote, stories of Fae are also a good source. Then try to understand how they act and recreate that in a character.
Are your tricksters ones with a purpose? Or do they play tricks just for fun. Questions like this are what you need to ask.

[Anonymous No.21939863]

>>21939807
>protag stops at an inn for the night
>comely young woman comes over and starts flirting
>things get amorous and he brings her upstairs
>wild passionate sex
>next morning the protag is woken up and that sweet, svelte young thing pulls off her mask
>omg it's the villain!
>steals your protag's money and now he's a fag

[Anonymous No.21939882]

>>21939464
Your bigger problem is your usage of "one" rendering your sentence incomprehensible.

[Anonymous No.21939890]

>>21939807
Loki isn't actually a trickster god, he's just a piece of shit, which is what makes him interesting as a character. Odin took him into his family of gods despite Loki being a giant (the enemies of the gods), and the gods go to bat to save him from his fuckups on multiple occasions and he just decides to murder all of them.

[Anonymous No.21939942]

>>21939882
how is it wrong? Genuine question.

[Anonymous No.21939947]

>>21939863
hot desu

[Anonymous No.21939963]

>>21939234
You seem like a jolly fellow. Can you give me a title to read that you've written? I actually want to see some of your work. Don't get me wrong I'm just interested.

[Anonymous No.21939965]

>>21939942
It's not. Other anon is just dumb.

[Anonymous No.21939975]

>>21939863
HOODWINKED

[Anonymous No.21939996]

>>21939635
You sound so fucking entitled holy shit man.
No matter what "criticism" you claim to give, your entire argument boils down to being a dictator of quality and genre.
Just because you don't like someone's style or developing skill doesn't mean your input is necessary. At this point you should just let people be because you're not impressing anyone or providing constructive feedback.
Who hurt you? Did someone hit too close to home when they said your book was shit or something? You seem to have really let it eat at you, man.

[Anonymous No.21940007]

>>21939942
When someone tells you something you did is dumb but don't provide why you can safely disregard it. It doesn't hurt to think about it a bit but generally that kind of criticism is worthless because most of the time you'll never know and they expect you to read their minds.

[Anonymous No.21940009]

>>21939996
NTA and I'm not really following this drama closely, but from what I remember of the series of events it was "why is my novel so unpopular", then some anon responded that the summary was generic and boring, which got a reply of "lol filtered".

Which, honestly, is about as retarded of a response as possible. Especially for the animeshit the story looks like. It's not some literary masterpiece. (Though, didn't read; indeed, summary was generic and boring)

[Anonymous No.21940017]

>>21939996
this is the blurb you're defending >>21939275
just so you know
kindness isn't helpful when people actually need help

[Anonymous No.21940022]

what’s with semicolons: i’ve seen them used in lieu of a comma with a coordinating conjunction, used in a very complex sentence with a coordinating conjunction instead of a comma in order to lessen the confusion, and used as it is now, connecting two dependent clauses together. Is there some kind of rule regarding their use that isn’t apparent to me?

[Anonymous No.21940030]

>>21940009
I'm kind of surprised at how childish some of the guys in this thread are. The other day someone was saying how children's story writers will be completely replaced by AI.
I've seen good advice but more often than not it's usually some super critical self-proclaimed Fletcher from Whiplash.
It can be entertaining but the narcissism doesn't help.

[Anonymous No.21940032]

>>21938678
pussy. I bet you're the type who whines up about constructive criticism because "you didn't ask for it"

[Anonymous No.21940037]

>>21940022
Literally a google question.
Dunno if I can give a textbook definition, but they replace a period to link closely related clauses.
e.g. "It was sweltering outside; I turned down the thermostat."

[Anonymous No.21940036]

>>21940017
He can improve on it without your antagonism.
You're not helping him at all.

[Anonymous No.21940047]

>>21940032
I was thinking the same thing. If people are actually taking the time of day to comment on his shit then maybe he should look at it without getting so defensive and try to see where they're coming from. Then again sometimes people comment and complain about singular chapters without taking into account what it's all leading up to.

[Anonymous No.21940060]

>>21940022
I was always taught that you use semicolons to separate complex clauses in long sentences/ lists where a comma might be more confusing, like in the text of a law or something.

[Anonymous No.21940063]

YOUR STORY'S THEME, NOW.

[Anonymous No.21940065]

>>21940063
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMaKOxWaGfg&list=RDGMaKOxWaGfg&start_radio=1

[Anonymous No.21940073]

>>21940063
i write erotica about girls with dicks plowing other girls. what's the theme there?

[Anonymous No.21940078]

>>21940073
>https://youtu.be/0LwcvjNJTuM?t=279

[Anonymous No.21940081]

I like smut.
It's an entirely valid genre.
You can't prove otherwise.

[Anonymous No.21940082]

>>21940063
>revenge on others bad
>one can also get revenge on themselves by way of separating their current/ "good" self from their past/ "bad" self and inflicting sadistic self-flagellation on their bad other half as a demented form of catharsis
>this is also bad and you shouldn't do it
cringe or acceptable?

[Anonymousn No.21940089]

>>21940022
Their main function in modern usage is to connect two independent clauses:
>He was like a brother to me; to the very end, he never left my side.

They can also be used (more often in technical or academic writing) to punctuate lists in which elements of the list themselves contain commas:
>His eyes had the weariness of a much older man; the glitter of one who has seen distant lands and strange seas; and the gentle, unwavering compassion that I have found in no one else.

Older writing would sometimes use them to set off dependent clauses in complex sentences:
>This is the face that I still see before me, and sometimes I wish I could close my eyes to that revenant, to those unblinking eyes, which look back at me through the gauze of memory; because that look of accusation burns too bright and too deep into my conscience.

[Anonymous No.21940101]

>>21940082
>revenge on others bad
sounds like slave morality

[Anonymous No.21940113]

>>21940101
Revenge on others is only delayed revenge on yourself. Its like setting off a rube goldberg machine that eventually just shoots a gun at your head. Or at least thats the impression I get reading norse mythology.

[Anonymous No.21940115]

>>21940063
Free will is real on a cosmic level, but the circumstances of ones life can cut down the actual options you can pick from.

[Anonymousn No.21940117]

>>21940022
Their main function in modern usage is to connect two closely connected independent clauses:
>He was like a brother to me; until that last, black hour, he never left my side.

They can also be used (more often in technical or academic writing) to punctuate lists in which elements of the list themselves contain commas:
>His eyes -- I see them now -- had the weariness of a much older man; the glitter of one who has seen distant lands and strange seas; and the gentle, unwavering compassion that I have found in no one else.

Older writing would sometimes use them to set off dependent clauses in complex sentences:
>This is the face I still see before me, and sometimes I wish I could banish the vision of that revenant, of those unblinking eyes, which look back at me through the gauze of memory; because that look of accusation, of trust betrayed, burns too bright and too deep into my conscience.

[Anonymous No.21940118]

>>21940063
Redemption

[Anonymous No.21940125]

>>21939305
you sir are a liar.
There is no lit-rpg story on RR with the statistics you mentioned.
You are either lying about your time writing on the site. Stubbed your work to publish it or that picture is someone elses.

[Anonymous No.21940140]

>>21940063
Environmentalism

[Anonymous No.21940144]

>>21940113
sounds like the priest caste trying to keep people in line. ie slave morality

[Anonymous No.21940149]

>>21940144
what are you talking about

[Anonymous No.21940154]

>>21940125
Those are from the author dashboard, which aggregates all story stats, not a single. probably, it's split across several to many stories (which makes sense, since 305 reviews is absurd for 1 fiction)
t. another rr author

[Anonymous No.21940156]

>>21940149
I'm saying that the stories they tell (mythology) are designed in order to steer morality in a direction that is advantageous to the ruling class and disadvantageous to the peasant class.

[Anonymous No.21940159]

>>21940063
Hair >>21937060

[Anonymous No.21940163]

>>21940156
Norse culture was exceedingly pro-revenge. But all of their stories are also tragedies about great men killed by revenge. It wasn't meant to persuade anyone one way or the other, its just that it happened so frequently and evoked so many intense emotions that they wrote stories about it.

[Anonymous No.21940750]

>>21937750
It's not the number of readers these magazines have, it's the nature of those readers, i.e. publishing industry types and those in their orbit.
It's a great way to get their attention.
>>21937942
Found the Groomer(D).
>>21937954
"Everyone really feels this way but won't admit it" is one of the classic signs of a sociopath.
>>21937949
The same people think these kids are mature enough to choose to surgically mutilate themselves.

[Anonymous No.21940978]

F Gardner has made /lit/ history again and wrote a fucking Choose Your Own Adventure book.

[Anonymous No.21941017]

>>21939942
What are you trying to say? It makes no sense whatsoever. First part of the sentence, you are saying somethign to a child and then you have two clauses each starting with "one."

Do you mean "one", "two" or something like that, as in you're trying to make two points? Your sentence makes no sense at all. Or are you talking to two children???

It's completely incomprehensible.

[Anonymous No.21941035]

>>21940156
Which is my point. Hes claiming hes only been on the platform for 12 months, but if those metrics are from other stories then he's quite clearly misrepresenting his stories success.
Would be interesting to see if he actually has the balls to show the real metrics of the story he's complaining about not getting enough patrons for.

[Anonymous No.21941043]

>>21941035
Big whoops!
>was meant to reply to >>21940154

[Anonymous No.21941048]

>>21941017
wow this is hysterical. esl?

[Anonymous No.21941074]

>>21940978
>hurr durr i made a poopie it's so historic

[Anonymous No.21941099]

This is how to modify a sentence. (1)

[Anonymous No.21941105]

This is how to write coordinate cumulative sentences (2)

[Anonymous No.21941110]

This is how to write subordinate cumulative sentences (3)

[Anonymous No.21941120]

This is how to write a mixed pattern (4). I will share more knowledge later, such as suspensive forms and paragraph construction, perhaps more, if anons want to read and discuss and argue.

[Anonymous No.21941131]

>>21940163
Gaiman had a fun take on the "man price", it was both a statement that all life has value and an acknowledgement that murders are still going to happen.

[Anonymous No.21941166]

>>21941048
Are you retarded?

[Anonymous No.21941197]

>>21940063
I think depth is boring, so it doesn't have one.

[Anonymous No.21941207]

I want to write a story about a pastor who truly believes in God and wants to preach His message and do good, but has extreme sexual fantasies and desires. He lives with a guilty conscience and is afraid of God while at the same time reveling in defying Him, at least in his head.
Things take a turn for the worse when he is sent to Mexico with His uncle, and discovers that his beloved uncle, an important member of his church, is a complete monster who is involved in a giant child sex trafficking ring.
It feels like an idea to ambitious for me. Rate and Hate.

*************************************

Uncle Roy always said that God lives through the eyes of His creation and acts through the hands that praise Him. After all these years, I still don't understand what my existence says about Him. I don't dare ask anyone. Not the people who come to church trusting that I will bring them closer to the loving and just creator of the universe, not the board of elders that have agreed to give me a chance to preach at the biggest temple the church owns, not even uncle Roy, who raised me as if I were his own son. This is something that only God knows.

Only He knows why my mind is constantly flooded with abhorrent plans and luscious images of pain. Horrendous feelings that become stronger when I look at the tearful faces of my devoted congregation. I could lock those thoughts way, but I don't. With each second that passes I see deeper and deeper into a darkness that exists within. I can feel His eagerness to test me, His contempt.

My uncle is driving me through an impoverished community in central Mexico. I'm here to complete the last step in the bureaucratic process the board makes every "rising star" undertake. I look out the window into the endless, dreary corn fields and I feel evil. Unrepentantly merciless. I tune into the sensibilities of the Marquis De Sade and allow myself to dream of sensory overload, of uncontrollable excesses, of a bleak reality in which there are no barriers of any sort left between me and naked desire.

I dream impossible things. Bizarre events, blood curling scenarios.

God knows. Thankfully, He is silent.

[Anonymous No.21941218]

>>21941017
You are ESL. You can say "one" colloquially to refer to the subject or object of the previous phrase. I went to the store and looked for a hat -- one that could block the sun. Dumbfuck.

[Anonymous No.21941234]

>>21941207
You switch from formal to informal here. This doesn't sound like a guy who would say "don't dare", "biggest temple", or "rising star".
"Uncle Roy" should be capitalized.
"With each second that passes" needs a comma after it.
You don't mean "blood curling", you mean "bloodcurdling".
You should have an "and" before the last element of the list in the first paragraph.

Fix all those and it isn't bad, but "the church is bad and priests are evil" is a little overdone. If he struggled with himself and exposed and ruined his uncle, that might be compelling.

[Anonymous No.21941250]

>>21941234
Thanks anon, I appreciate it.
>the church is bad and priests are evil" is a little overdone
It's not actually the whole church, it's only his uncle and a few locals. I want to paint the protagonist as a good religious person that maybe was born "bad" in some ways.
>If he struggled with himself and exposed and ruined his uncle, that might be compelling.
That's precisely what I'm going for. The kid struggles and never gives in, but in the end he pays a horrible, horrible price for it.

[Anonymous No.21941313]

>>21941035
I have a few stories that got popular, yeah. Not really complaining about the patreon desu, my writing style just wasn't optimized for it because am noob.

At least for now. Will have to see if I can crack the code

[Anonymous No.21941358]

>>21941250
Are you saying he is eventually punished for behaving properly? If so, that doesn't sound great unless he himself did something wrong along the way warranting that punishment.

[Anonymous No.21941371]

I submitted my first short story to a publication. I can't wait to pop my rejection cherry.

[Anonymous No.21941388]

>>21941358
Well.

>The uncle gets a girl kidnapped and takes her to the protagonist, showing him that he is completely untouchable and that the protagonist can do whatever he wants without repercussions
>The uncle gets kiled by the protagonist with a pistol. He shoots his uncle through the skull instantly killing him in a fit of righteous rage and disbelief
>The girl storms out of the building hysterically begging for help
>An angry mob forms and storms the building, they find the protagonist and his uncle, dead
>They don't let the protagonist explain anything, and they lynch him
>The protagonist, beaten to shit and half conscious, is tied to a street lamp and doused with gasoline. The corpse of his uncle is also dragged out, chained and doused
>The last thing the protagonists sees before burning is his dead uncle, who has escaped the punishment the protagonist is receiving, and the girl he saved, screaming and crying

I want to invoke christian imagery. You know, somehow have this story be an allegory to the crucifixion of christ while at the same time showing a completely unfair, pessimistic outcome that makes you wonder why God would allow any of this.
The guy did a great thing in the end, but he gets punished worse than the uncle who merely dies and who was much more evil than the protagonist.

[Anonymous No.21941419]

Why is mere kidnap rewarded with such brutality? Helen of Troy was stolen away and at least in love with or at best just banging Paris. What’s so special about this girl.

[Anonymous No.21941459]

>>21941388
Yeah, that works. As long as he knows he did the right thing and it's better this way.

[Anonymous No.21941473]

>>21941419
NTA, but Mexico, I don't feel the need to explain any further than that.

[Anonymous No.21941487]

>>21941419
Was the Trojan War not brutal?

[Anonymous No.21941490]

>>21939529
I said midget, not dwarf.

[Anonymous No.21941493]

>>21941487
Yeah, that’s what I mean, at least there was sufficient motivation for brutal war and action.
>>21941473
Kek

[Anonymous No.21941519]

https://pasteio.com/xcBAKHm9qP9Q

Would anyone like to comment on chapter 2 of my fantasy book?


if you want chapter 1 it is here:
https://pasteio.com/x7toHNumtseU

[Anonymous No.21941526]

>>21941519

No, /wg/ hates high fantasy and dismisses it all as "anime writing".

Remember, you're on 4chan, so everyone here is contrarian, so despite high fantasy being probably the most popular genre in the world, everyone will find something to shit on you for here, regardless of the actual quality of your writing.

[Anonymous No.21941527]

>>21941526
Please

[Anonymous No.21941552]

>>21941526
It's like you went through a checklist and deliberately made everything wrong. Legolas defending at Helm's Deep is high fantasy. Legolas pulling out hos bow Moonshot the Orc Impaler and seven arrows as he performed the impossible Seven Arrowed Moonshot Doomshot and shoots all the orcs is anime writing.
Anyway, the most popular genre is romance, followed by mystery.

[Anonymous No.21941557]

>>21941552

I'll Moonshot your anus anon

[Anonymous No.21941561]

>>21941519
your first chapter really does get worse every time you rewrite it

[Anonymous No.21941571]

I have the Muse.
‘Check me out,’ I say.
I dance the new dance. It comes to me naturally. My audience is stunned. Surely he’s rehearsed and performed this before, they’re thinking. But no. This is my first performance. There were no rehearsals. No need. It just flows through me, like it really is me, like I’m who’s coming up with it — but no. It is the Muse. All I offer is my body and executive function to move it.
My Brothers and Sisters rise for me. Their applause fills our House.
‘This one will pop off,’ I declare. ‘It is projected by Inspire to do numbers.’ From Inspire HQ, George turns the Muse off. I am left to my own devices.
Brother Baron steps forward, phone in hand. Before I can get away, he ensnares me in a headlock for a selfie. ‘I envy you, bro,’ he whispers. And I can see why. Baron has no Muse. He does not pop off and he certainly does not do numbers. He just leeches off mine. He is a parasite. They all are.
‘For one for all,’ I say, shrugging him off playfully.

[Anonymous No.21941593]

>>21941561
:(
I don't even remember how I wrote it the first time.

[Anonymous No.21941664]

>>21941519
Too tongue in cheek for my tastes anon, but at least it makes sense.

[Anonymous No.21941745]

>Author cuts back on posting weekly so they can stock their patreon.
>Consistently lies about the reason for delays.
>Wonders why they are getting low ratings.
Its fine if you wanna just put shit behind a paywall, however you have no right to complain when you lie about readers getting mad with how your doing it.

[Anonymous No.21941802]

>>21941099
>>21941105
>>21941110
>>21941120
Personal thoughts or notes? I have no formal education, forgive a retard
Fix your penmanship it or write slower. It's legible but comfortable to read would be nice if you want people to actually read with you
I don't respect your notes very much. Justification or explanation would go a long way for having me invest and engage with this. Things like: use case, effect, limitations, personal opinion and experience with these forms, etc

[Anonymous No.21941811]

>>21940063
REVENGE and AUTISM.

[Anonymous No.21941818]

>>21940063
THE DIFFICULTY OF PROPERLY COMMUNICATING ONES FEELINGS, THE INEVITABLE DETERIORATION OF RELATIONSHIPS WITHOUT PROPER CONNECTIONS BETWEEN THE PARTIES INVOLVED AND THE USE OF THE CREATIVE PROCESS A MEANS OF EXPRESSING ONES FEELINGS TO ANOTHER PERSON, SIR!

[Anonymous No.21941835]

>character is trained to plan well and plan often before they go do violence
>they don't do that and would be in a very shit position if their actual target for violence came across them and instead they locate a helpful character by accident because they didn't plan well
>realize that they fucked up and how badly things could have gone
>this time they plan well and intend to try and take the advantage away from their foe through said planning
>spend several pages going into detail about their plan as it is put into action to show the reader the difference between when the character actually follows their training versus just being arrogant and thinking they don't need to

Would you be willing to put up with reading several pages of detail in this manner? I am sort of recreating the final preparations that Arnie makes in Predator. It's not the same scenario, just giving a comparison to in these pages we see the character using their head and planning for every contingency as best as they can versus just rushing into it and almost getting killed. In most books I read, I rarely see anyone go into tactics and planning. It's most just hand waving and generalities over a few sentences. My intent is to show the character in question is actually smart and resourceful when they apply themselves rather than just going, "And then the trap was sprung and Xorblath the Barbarian was slain."

[Anonymous No.21941877]

>>21941745
Are you lost? Why this thread?

[Anonymous No.21941961]

Hi! This question is posed to readers of progression fantasy / web novels / page turny pulp SFF only. I am not writing a literary work currently, I am trying to craft an addictive webnovel. For an ideal of what I am trying to write, consider Cradle, perhaps Stormlight.

My question is regarding the action / other-shit ratio.

I am by nature a more 'literary' writer (not saying I'm any good, just that I favor a writing style and approach that conforms with these genres). I love binging a bit of ^ sometimes in a fit of indulgence, so I have read plenty.

I am 40k into writing. There has been plenty of action so far. For the last 5-10 K I have slowed the rate of action / the density of action chapters. I do this because I genuinely believe that too much action, sustained, is like having too much sugar. The characters and world need to be developed so that the action can fee high consequence.

However, I am also aware that the people who read these things are progression junkies and will get twitchy if I don't give them a tasty morsel fairly regularly. So my question is how you guys suggest I / one navigates this balance, your thoughts and insights regarding it. What are your preferences when reading this type of thing. Do you have any experiencing writing it?

My stories is structured as chapters 2.5k long. It seems silly to have every other chapter be action, but maybe that's necessary? Or maybe that's too much. I can't really tell.

Pic rel

[Anonymous No.21941969]

>>21941877
why do you think?

[Anonymous No.21941972]

>>21941835
>Would you be willing to put up with reading several pages of detail in this manner?

No. The character abandoning his training and things going wrong should be a plot point with genuine consequences, not just theoretical filler. Or else leave it out.

[Anonymous No.21941974]

>>21941961
tl;dr

[Anonymous No.21941975]

>>21941961
Iff this is the type of question you are struggling with, I suggest reading more in your target market. It sounds like you want to publish on RR. Go read popular stories there and see what works.

[Anonymous No.21941977]

>>21941972
It does lead to a genuine plot point. I just didn't go into that because explaining why and what it leads too would have made the post significantly longer and would have been superfluous in relation to my question.

[Anonymous No.21941979]

>>21941961
There's no set rule, it depends on the type of story / genre you are writing. All I can say is adding action for actions sake sounds like a bad idea, it should come naturally from the story.

[Anonymous No.21941996]

>>21941975
I've read a lot of it. I have an intuitive sense of how action dense these stories are as a READER. I'm not actually sure word count wise how much 'time' (words) passes in between them. Just wondering if anyone else has explored and can share insight. I'll ofc do my own research. Sometimes it's hard because the writing on RR is so bad.

>>21941979
I think there's more to it than that. For example I can describe action in a few sentences, or in an entire chapter. Both serve the story equally well. I can have X get into a fight on the way to Y, or I can just use ellipsis to teleport the reader there. I would find a justification for the fight within the narratology, but that doesn't mean my original motive wasn't to excite the reader.

Thanks for your input guys.

[Anonymous No.21942031]

>>21941099
I found this to be the most useful and interesting. I don't think about branching consciously, but I think it's an element I'd like to use to differentiate povs.

[Anonymous No.21942125]

>chorin done
>weekly fapter locked down
>nothing the crabs can do about it
Remember anons, it is bretter to ask what you can write for you before you ask what you can write for your cuntry.

[Anonymous No.21942137]

>>21941099
>>21941105
>>21941110
>>21941120
Thank you for sharing anon

[Anonymous No.21942157]

>>21942031
You’re welcome anon. That would be a great application. You could create real interesting mannerisms out of it, too.
>>21942137
You’re welcome anon
>>21941802
Just some notes that need expanding

[Anonymous No.21942162]

Do I need to know history and politics well to write medievalesque-setting fantasy like Lotr? I thought it'd be easy at first but after trying to write a few chapters I realized that I know very little about everyday activities of peasants, merchants, soldiers, what the cities looked like and how they were governed, how people talked to one another, what expressions they'd use, what was the life in courts, many intricate things.
Like my understanding of a medieval city is that you have a bunch of houses surrounded by a defensive wall. But it's obviously a lot more complicated than that.

[Anonymous No.21942163]

>>21941207
>>21941388
This sounds pretty cool anon. And I like the idea of martyrdom as his sacrifice, but with the implication/imagery that it did nothing to stop evil in the end. I think the other anon gave you some solid advice for your prose and with enough editing it could end up being great. I'm looking forward to seeing more. Unlike the other anon, I don't think it's played out because a character who is concerned about his own morality would reasonably become a pastor to "fix himself". I'm biased to like it though, because my own writing all centers around sadomasichism and Christian imagery.
Oh, and it might be more powerful if you don't plunge straight in to the deep end. I can't tell with this excerpt alone. But it would be more believable if you can show the slow descent from being a good Christian pastor to 120 Days of Sodom, starting as a single thought that can't be silenced. You gotta know when to lay on the gas pedal before plunging into the deepest oceans of human depravity, which is the advice I'd give after reading your passage.
How long are you planning this to be? A full novel or novella? That would make it a lot easier to walk that fine line and execute the pacing masterfully.
I'm invested in your story anon.
>t. Working on a Gothic short story about how an otherwise normal antiquarian is slowly introduced to sadomasichism by his client through medieval torture devices and the pacing is a struggle

[Anonymousn No.21942171]

>>21942162
Sounds like you've answered your own question! Plus, if nothing else, history is a great source of inspiration. Otherwise you're writing based on nothing but anime tropes.

[Anonymous No.21942211]

>>21939305
What's your patreon numbers like and how much do you offer there?

[Anonymous No.21942226]

>>21942211
A bit over 100 patreons. I offer around 10 chapters usually, but am a bit inconsistent.

[Anonymous No.21942338]

>>21941099
>>21941105
>>21941110
>>21941120
Please continue

[Anonymous No.21942368]

>>21942211
>>21942226
Why are you two posting the most irrelevant grouping of stats possible? Followers, posting schedule, and rewards (and some harder to define factors, like quality) are what determines patron count. Chapters, word count, and reviews are meaningless.
Side note, how are your reviews so high? I have 14 reviews and 200 patrons, lmao. 400 reviews is insane. Even the front-page blockbuster stories don't have that many, so I have to assume it's across many stories (probably your issue ...)

[Anonymous No.21942538]

>>21942368
Could you give me some advice for getting started on RR? Getting visibility and getting patrons.

[Anonymous No.21942567]

How difficult would it be to break a diamond the size of a man's head into more manageable pieces? Would dropping it from sufficient height work?

[Anonymous No.21942588]

>>21942567
if it's an unprocessed diamond of that size (which, to note, likely doesn't exist anywhere on Earth) there are probably natural fractures that would break fairly easily, but if it's a cut diamond then it would survive any fall

[Anonymous No.21942596]

>>21941835
>In most books I read, I rarely see anyone go into tactics and planning.
That's due to dramatic reasons. If you thoroughly explain the plan beforehand then it should go wrong. If you only give a basic overview then it can go right. And even if things go right things should also go wrong in certain ways, regardless.

[Anonymous No.21942597]

>>21942588
but by "break" I mean it would just shatter into several uncut diamonds of immeasurable value, not that it would break into anything worthless. The cutting process would involve taking it apart into these pieces anyway.

[Anonymous No.21942601]

>>21942567
A hammer would do the job. Diamonds aren't indestructible. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBjiEsAyNQs

[Anonymous No.21942610]

>>21942588
It's Sword and Sorcery, with the improbable size is a plot point. I'd prefer it being cut in a certain way for a particular use by a wizard, but I guess it can be uncut to put a clock on it needing to be stolen before that work is done.
>>21942597
The characters want to break it up into pieces that are easier to sell and less traceable.

[Anonymous No.21942642]

[Anonymous No.21942650]

>>21942596
I disagree with this if the character is supposed to be good at what they do, and are sufficiently experienced/intelligent. You don't do dangerous work for long periods of time if you are susceptible to making mistakes. People like competence. People like to see people who are supposedly competent put that competence on display. NCFOM works because it's two competent people butting up against one another.

[Anonymous No.21942671]

>>21942650
There are many ways of showing competence. As a storyteller you want your reader to be somewhat uncertain as to the outcome of a particular job in order to create tension so they keep turning pages. A professional can plan something down to the smallest detail, but there will always be hiccups. Then he can demonstrate his competence by repurposing or improvising.

[Anonymous No.21942678]

>>21942642
read the first paragraph—pretty good but some typos and filtering words
>I had been standing
I was standing
>I had done the same routine
I did the same routine
>clouds pasted over the sun
clouds passed over the sun
>held her hand out as though drawing
held her hand out to draw
>I had wanted to ask him
I wanted to ask him
if you can remove a word from a sentence without changing the meaning, you should remove it

[Anonymous No.21942688]

>>21942368
I'm not seeking patreon advice here lol, I mostly posted those stats because they are the least identifiable ones for me. Just thought it was an interesting point after a year of writing.

If you want reviews you have to ask for them, or have points in the story that make people want to leave reviews. Also, complaining about shit reviews usually works pretty well too. Just don't overdo it or be too obvious. If you are a crazy person you can do incentives like "1 chapter per advanced review", the RR admins usually don't get too mad.

Also, emotionally resonant moments are big for reviews. If you can make your readers cry or really really laugh, that is ez reviews.

[Anonymous No.21942694]

How do I make sure my writing has sovl?

[Anonymous No.21942709]

>>21942694
post it
if somebody replies, even if it's hateful and unhelpful, it has soul
if nobody replies it's soulless and stirs nothing in anyone

[Anonymous No.21942725]

>>21942709
What if they respond to tell me it sucks and lacks soul?

[Anonymous No.21942740]

>>21942709
What does it mean when your post freezes a previously active thread?

[Anonymous No.21942778]

>>21942671
I just have to disagree because you cannot expect a reader to reasonably believe a character is good at their job if they are consistently messing up. The tension you are referring to emerges when they play (as it were) against a foe of equal acumen, or better. Or in situations that are bad from the start. I'll use a few simple examples:

1. 7 Samurai (characters are individually of a very high calibre of skill, but are in a bad situation, so they try to leverage their skill and prepare in order to make the odds more favorable toward their success, but success is not guaranteed).
2. No Country for Old Men. (Two men of roughly equal skill ping-pong off each other in a constant game of cat and mouse where they consistently change who is the cat and who is the mouse. In cases where they aren't facing down one another, they tend to easily dispatch with their enemies. Save for one key scene.)
3. Predator (A character has to stop using his brawn and start using his brain. This example is pretty much the only one that fits your criteria as even with a well thought out plan, he has to improvise at the end in order to kill the Predator, even if that improvisation was something he already set up.)

I'm not saying you can't have plans go wrong. The saying is tired for a reason. What I am saying is that plans shouldn't go wrong unless there is a good reason. Arbitrarily having SHTF is just lazy.

[Anonymous No.21942804]

>>21938209
Quality.
Unlike 90% of anons at least it's the finished article.

[Anonymous No.21942810]

>>21942778
Shockingly, one of you assholes actually gave god advice on this recently. The only reason to lay out the plan beforehand is if it’s going to go wrong. The reader knows how it’s supposed to go down and can recognize the disaster as it’s happening. If things go find then you don’t need to explain anything at the outset. Then all you’ll do is bore the reader with the same information twice.

[Anonymous No.21942833]

>>21942810
You are just repeating what the guy I am replying to is saying, and I am countering that point with examples. Things shouldn't go wrong arbitrarily. Competent people don't fuck up consistently; otherwise they aren't competent. People enjoy watching competent people be competent. Do they also like situations where someone works to unfuck a plan gone bad? Yes, obviously, but detailing your plan in depth can be done for a variety of reasons and not just because it's predestined to fail. Hence the very simple examples of characters acting competently by laying out complex plans.

[Anonymous No.21942866]

>>21942833
Why do you keep insisting that if the plan doesn't go to plan then that means the competent person is somehow fucking up? A plan goes wrong because some wild unexpected thing occurs. A plan goes wrong because that creates conflict for the story. If you want a lan to go right as the author you should just show the plan occurring and then after the fact you can explain all the prep that occurred, which is what made the plan go right. From a dramatic perspective, from a conflict perspective, from a tension building perspective, if you explain the plan beforehand then It Should Go Wrong. And just because it goes wrong doesn't mean it can't be salvage, but there could and should be consequences for that.

[Anonymous No.21942879]

>>21942866
Because "it was bad luck" is gay and bad writing. Get your plot conveniences out of my narrative.

[Anonymous No.21942911]

>>21942879
Goodness. I guess I'm not surprised that autists like things nice and safe and defined and predictable. They have their little pail of legos in their little boxed off sandbox and that's that. Your readers are going to feel cheated.

[Anonymous No.21942985]

I'm a 22 yo khhv who even gets life mogged by Elliot fucking Rodger. I've been coping recently by writing shitty power fantasies, but it's a shitty cope bc it reminds me how mentally stunted I am. This is the shit edgy teenagers do, not adults. Yet I have all the maturity of a teenager bc my schizoid personality and the oppressive forces of familial dynamics crippled my ability to grow.

This is a working draft I have for a dream I hope one day becomes true. I don't think I have enough talent to be a real writer though, sadly.

[Anonymous No.21943064]

>>21942985
So there's a bunch you need to fix.
First, since you open with it, you need to tell the reader whether or not the mc is circumcised. From his sociopathy I assume he is, but you should make that clear.
Second, the whole wigger bitch section seems very out of place and that first sentence just goes on and on, like wtf.
>Shayla is a wigger bitch who I'd enslaved after my ascention to godhood, because I wanted a black sex slave but I wouldn't find a decent looking one in a fast enough time period, as my patience had deteriorated upon being raised to the heights of divinity since I could finally get everything I wanted, with no need for foresight.
Like, that sentence is ridiculous. Also instead of saying he couldn't find a decent looking one in a fast enough time period he should just say.
>Shayla is a wigger bitch I'd enslaved. When I first ascended to godhood I set about fulfilling one of my fantasies, a nigger sex slave. Unfortunately real life never lives up to fantasy and I could find anyone. Every nigger bitch is fat and ugly and stinks. So it goes, and so I settled for Shayla.
Finally there're some overused turns of phrase you should remove
>in the nick of time
and a pointless question that interrupts the flow of the story
>What happened next?

[Anonymous No.21943153]

>>21942985
Thank you for making me feel better about myself. I know it wasn't your intention, but thank you all the same.

[Anonymous No.21943208]

>>21939266
Kek internet this. I made the post about reading two sentences and already losing interest.

[Anonymous No.21943401]

“Please, please, PLEASE!”
Little Meagan begged, almost squealing with excitement.
“Now Meagan, let your grandfather rest, I’m sure he doesn’t want to talk about it, you know it may bring up some less than pleasant memories. Just because he’s a war hero, it doesn’t mean he wants to relive every detail.” gently scolded her father.
“No, no, it’s quite alright my boy.”
Ulysses, Meagan’s grandfather, rocked gently in his reclining chair, swirled his brandy glass in his snifter and took a long smooth sip, finishing off what was left in the glass. The golden liquor warmed him deep in his chest.
“Come on up, I’ll tell you all about it my dear” he motioned for his granddaughter to take a seat on his lap, and the two adjusted their bodies to each other. Ulysses pulled the blanket over her and Meagan snuggled tight to her grandfather.
“Another brandy dad?”
“Oh alright, you twisted my arm.” Ulysses chuckled as he handed the empty snifter to his son.
“Grandpa! Aren’t you gonna tell me!” Meagan was giddy with excitement.
“Yes my dear, you really love history don’t you!”
Meagan nodded her head as she looked up at her grandfather.
“Well, the war started slowly you see, it was the early 2000’s and they were just about everywhere. I couldn’t take your grandmother out for a coffee, or dinner, or even dancing without seeing them in the streets, on the sidewalks or on their silly bicycles. You should have seen how worked up your grandmother would get when she saw them taking pictures of their food. She would have pulled them out by their ears if she could have” Ulysses closed his eyes and laughed heartily.
“and what did they look like?” Meagan's eyes sparkled up at her grandfather.

The first paragraph of a short story about a grandpa telling a war story to his granddaughter. What do you guys think of my style?

[Anonymous No.21943409]

How would write down the sound of someone breathing through the teeth in pain, like when you accidentaly cut your finger?

[Anonymous No.21943450]

>>21943409
sharp inhale is how I often see it written, but it is a hissing sound.

[Anonymous No.21943452]

>>21943409
you just say something along the lines of a sharp intake of breath through gritted teeth instead of a sound

[Anonymous No.21943577]

>>21943064
Thanks, I'm blackpilled on determinism so my dreams might only ever stay as literary fiction, but I also don't know if I have any talent as a writer and it makes it hard to cope. I did go back and include details as to my erectile measurements and visual descriptors.

A lot of this is just guesswork for me, any literary technique I have is a shoddy replica of the stuff I've read (I'd rather never read again if it meant I could swap the last decade of my life with some random wealthy Chad).
>>21943153
Yeah, I was gonna rage at you but I can't even bring myself to. Like I said, reading Elliot's book made me realize how shit my life is if even HE mogs me. I'm completely and utterly hopeless.

[Anonymous No.21943622]

>>21943577
>I also don't know if I have any talent as a writer and it makes it hard to cope
genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. writing is about revision upon revision upon revision
>I did go back and include details as to my erectile measurements
no, you misunderstand. circumcision is a blood ritual whereby roughly 50% of the erogenous tissue on the penis is removed, and the remaining tissue because desensitized because it's no longer protected. further, because it involves strapping down and torturing an infant, it creates changes in the brain. measurements are irrelevant in the face of that larger reality

[Anonymous No.21943675]

>>21943622
>genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. writing is about revision upon revision upon revision
I know, I've heard that a lot, but there's many different things I'd like to do with my life, and I wish I had even 1% more natural talent or genetic predisposition to succeed so it would be less of a confusing struggle. I wrote a few more paragraphs and I think I'm liking it, although it only seems halfway decent because I've been living the fantasy in my head for so long.
>circumcision
I'm glad it never happened to me. I didn't come to the US till I was 3, and I have all the glory of an uncut shaft, although according to you it didn't stop me from turning into a "sociopath".

As far as physical pain is concerned though, I did have a few traumatic, near death experiences as a toddler, including one in which I nearly choked to death, and a much worse one in which I suffered permanent burns on parts of my body for which I spent several days in the ER (thankfully rather small, nearly covered fully by body hair, with my face intact).

[Anonymous No.21943760]

>>21943450
Metaphors and similes
>Julie took a deep breath between her teeth, it made a sound like snake hissing for a meal, matching her attitude after she tasted my cum.

[Anonymous No.21943804]

>>21943760
>>21943452
>>21943450
No, I mean the actual onomatoepeia. So it would be "Hsssssss" or "Hsssssfffff"?

[Anonymous No.21943833]

>>21940063
Gen Z

[Anonymous No.21943849]

Is having three completed manuscripts par for the course here? What do? Shill them out at conferences? Publish online?

[Anonymous No.21943898]

>>21943804
>"Hsssssss" or "Hsssssfffff"
this is why you don't do that

[Anonymous No.21943918]

1.How the fuck do i balance my day job and writing? I got a 9 to 5 that completely kills me

2. Should i focus on working on major projects or shorter works

[Anonymous No.21943923]

>>21943918
one page a day

[Anonymous No.21943927]

>>21943898
But it fits the scene I'm thinking about. Why is using a proper onomatoepeia wrong?

[Anonymous No.21943941]

>>21943927
it's your story, do what you want.
I wouldn't for that specific action because the word is ugly. but it's your story do what you want

[Anonymous No.21943985]

>Write Big Foot story for fun
>Plot out 5 pages
>Finished version winds up being nearly 17 pages

This went better than I expected

[Anonymous No.21943992]

>>21943849
Need an editor?

[Anonymous No.21944061]

>>21941519

This is like a dogshit Japanese light novel mixed with Gearbox dialogue.

[Anonymous No.21944092]

>>21943992
Etto, probably.

What are your rates?

[Anonymous No.21944107]

>>21940063
Faith is the evidence of the invisible.

[Anonymous No.21944121]

>>21944092
$200 plus tips--I'm a day trader and don't really need the money. I just finished my previous contract, so I'm free for a new project

[e-mail]

[Anonymous No.21944160]

>>21944121
I'll send you my little problem child and we can see where that goes. Please wait warmly, out at the moment

[Anonymous No.21944190]

>>21942866
>If you want a lan to go right as the author you should just show the plan occurring and then after the fact you can explain all the prep that occurred, which is what made the plan go right.
I disagree with this. It's far more compelling to show the prep, but don't explain how it relates to the plan or why the protagonist is doing what they are until it comes into play. Give it a slow burn as all the pieces are laid out one at a time so the reader can't see how they fit together until it's in motion. Show all the work that goes into crafting a perfect plan while only hinting at what it is. Then let the audience watch in wonder as the small bits they've seen all lead to it being executed with perfect smoothness. Then a hitch comes in that throws it all to hell.
>>21942879
>"it was bad luck" is bad writing
Only without build up. Put as much time establishing what will go wrong as you do a major aspect of the plan, without tipping your hand as to how exactly it'll happen. Spend a couple paragraphs on a security guard's daily routine. Let everyone guess how he's going to mess things up. Maybe he forgets his hat in a room and back tracks to a room that he should have already been past. Maybe he's sick and instead two rookies are taking his watch. Maybe he was a red herring all along and was actually the gang's inside man.
The point is the reader knows something will happen to mess up the protagonist's plan, otherwise it wouldn't be a good story. You want them trying to figure out what the something is up until right before it happens, then it's become inevitable as they realize what's happening and without realizing it they get caught up wondering how it'll be solved.

[Anonymous No.21944231]

>>21944061
I don't understand your critique

[Anonymous No.21944328]

what do I do when I have an idea for a fantasy setting but no idea what kind of story to tell in it?

[Anonymous No.21944351]

>>21944328
Do something else until you get an idea for a story. You could have the best worldbuilding ever conceived but without a story you have nothing.

[Anonymous No.21944370]

>>21944328
you realize that you fucked up by trying to apply window dressing to a window that doesn't exist yet

[Anonymous No.21944378]

>>21944351
You do know readers care more about world building that story right? If you have 10/10 world building but a simple 1/10 revenge plot, it is a way better book than a 1/10 world build and a 10/10 plot

[Anonymous No.21944394]

>>21944378
I know this one, Alex
what is The Song of Ice and Fire

[Anonymous No.21944404]

>>21944394
also name of the wind, every YA there is, every single LITRPG on RR, and simply every single fantasy story there is.

[Anonymous No.21944463]

>>21942163
Thanks for the feedback anon, I'd love to read your stuff.
>How long are you planning this to be?
I was aiming for a short story. I could add a lot of stuff, but for a beginner I think it would be better to keep it relatively simple.

[Anonymous No.21944479]

>>21938209
nice

[Anonymous No.21944550]

How do you write a child protagonist?

[Anonymous No.21944569]

>>21944550
First, think of yourself as a child, then, think of children that you actually know.
I think of my nieces and nephews when I am writing children since I have them from an infant to an 11 year old.
Children often think themselves smarter than they are, I recall a memory of when I was 10 and thought I was deep because I was watching a pond in the rain and I was fascinated by the ripples contacting one another.

[Anonymous No.21944578]

>>21944231
Walmart is your only hope.

[Anonymous No.21944592]

>>21944550
You have to think about them as ---UOH---

[Anonymous No.21944605]

Tips to write smooth and concise paragraphs? I feel like I have a tendency to use too many conjuctions like ''but'' ''and'' so'' ''yet'', or even excessive punctuation, as means to connect points in a sentence, instead of being able to do so more smoothly.

[Anonymous No.21944613]

>pay professional for a cover
>they all make the same shit
Tell me why shouldn't I just AI my cover?

[Anonymous No.21944623]

>>21944613
Unless you try and no result is what you want but one of them is close enough that a professoinal could edit it into what you want, I don't see a reason why not to use AI for a cover.
Those covers shown are just generic crap that would have no bearing on my choice to read them.
The last book I saw with a cool cover art that made me want to read it was Egregore, which I believe was commissioned from an artist.

[Anonymous No.21944626]

>>21944378
Even a 1/10 plot is still a plot. This anon >>21944328 says they don't even have that.

[Anonymous No.21944631]

>>21944378
Terrible opinion

[Anonymous No.21944651]

>>21944378

[Anonymous No.21944653]

>>21944631
it may be terrible, but it's not an opinion. It is fact.

[Anonymous No.21944844]

I finished the manuscript.

[Anonymous No.21944851]

>>21944844
great! now post it on RR and use them as beta readers!

[Anonymous No.21944858]

>>21944851
the winning move
>>21944844
congrats. you got a lot of editing ahead of you - more time spent on that than drafting - but you got that too

[Anonymous No.21944900]

>>21944844
>>21944851
>>21944858
Just remember, after the beta read, you have another round of edits.

[Anonymous No.21945046]

>>21944613
>he doesn't commission cool fucking art and do the typesetting himself or pay someone else to do it
ngmi

[Anonymous No.21945054]

>>21938191
Deuces, just finished ~2.2k

[Anonymous No.21945064]

I got some art made for one of the main cast in my webnovel. It'll be used as a post-timeskip appearance change.

He doesn't quite look like this in the following excerpt, but whatever.

>A familiar voice sounded from behind, each word booming as if a hammer-blow upon a great drum. The ground shook.
“I. AM. NOT. DONE.”

>So proclaimed the voice of Jorfr, just as Victor turned to see, opening his helmet as he did.
Dislocated joints popped into their rightful places, cuts and gouges pulled back together and froze themselves shut. As he rose up to his feet, they all saw that the hole in his chest had been filled by ice. A crack-laden heart of glacierglass pulsed within, and his lung, too, had been mended in the same way, ice joined seamlessly to flesh. Ice spread up from his right hand to his chest and even part of his face, his eyes blazing with glacial light.

>“Draugr… Draugr!” came disbelieving cries from a few among the third wave, while the likes of Merete stood in stunned silence. A grin had wormed its way onto Victor’s face as he witnessed Jorfr rise up in defiance of his own mortality.

>He drew in a breath and the flames and smoke which swirled about in his vicinity were consumed, and streaks of blackness as deep as the deepest night appeared within the still-forming icebound armor entombing his form. With his exhalation did hoarfrost spread all across the charred wood, choking out all nonmagical flame save for a few globs of solid CP-T.

>From his head sprouted a backswept mane of wiry hair as white as snow halfway down to his waist, and even his flame-charred beard turned that same colour, glimmering in the light as if even his hair was made from ice. An icy-blue light blazed within his eyes, and his aura, it shaped not into a helm, but a circlet with a thrice-upsized form of the Aegishjalmr as its centerpiece. The armor which took shape upon his breast was, indeed, that of Haakon, yet it was shaped into a solid breastplate and pauldrons of great bulk.

>He smashed his right hand into the ground, and with a mighty heave pulled out Runar’s Astral Hammer in its physical form. With a gesture it spun out before him. It shredded in half the man who had broken the Heiasons’ barrier before it struck the ground and exploded, throwing back four more men against the walls. Two were dead on the spot. With a stomp as followup, six Wide-wuths rose up from the ground; three of them began to do battle with the surviving enemy, while three more surrounded the brambleback.

>Jorfr regarded his father, Merete, Torhild, Rikke, the Heiasons up on the walkway, all those who stood by him, before his eyes landed on Victor.
The two men’s gazes met.

>They exchanged wordless nods of understanding.

[Anonymous No.21945077]

I got some art made for one of the main cast in my webnovel. It'll be used as a post-timeskip appearance change.

He doesn't quite look like this in the following excerpt, but whatever.

>A familiar voice sounded from behind, each word booming as if a hammer-blow upon a great drum. The ground shook.
“I. AM. NOT. DONE.”

>So proclaimed the voice of Jorfr, just as Victor turned to see, opening his helmet as he did.
>Dislocated joints popped into their rightful places, cuts and gouges pulled back together and froze themselves shut. As he rose up to his feet, they all saw that the hole in his chest had been filled by ice. A crack-laden heart of glacierglass pulsed within, and his lung, too, had been mended in the same way, ice joined seamlessly to flesh. Ice spread up from his right hand to his chest and even part of his face, his eyes blazing with glacial light.

>“Draugr… Draugr!” came disbelieving cries from a few among the third wave, while the likes of Merete stood in stunned silence. A grin had wormed its way onto Victor’s face as he witnessed Jorfr rise up in defiance of his own mortality.

>He drew in a breath and the flames and smoke which swirled about in his vicinity were consumed, and streaks of blackness as deep as the deepest night appeared within the still-forming icebound armor entombing his form. With his exhalation did hoarfrost spread all across the charred wood, choking out all nonmagical flame save for a few globs of solid CP-T.

>From his head sprouted a backswept mane of wiry hair as white as snow halfway down to his waist, and even his flame-charred beard turned that same colour, glimmering in the light as if even his hair was made from ice. An icy-blue light blazed within his eyes, and his aura, it shaped not into a helm, but a circlet with a thrice-upsized form of the Aegishjalmr as its centerpiece. The armor which took shape upon his breast was, indeed, that of Haakon, yet it was shaped into a solid breastplate and pauldrons of great bulk.

>He smashed his right hand into the ground, and with a mighty heave pulled out Runar’s Astral Hammer in its physical form. With a gesture it spun out before him. It shredded in half the man who had broken the Heiasons’ barrier before it struck the ground and exploded, throwing back four more men against the walls. Two were dead on the spot. With a stomp as followup, six Wide-wuths rose up from the ground; three of them began to do battle with the surviving enemy, while three more surrounded the brambleback.

>Jorfr regarded his father, Merete, Torhild, Rikke, the Heiasons up on the walkway, all those who stood by him, before his eyes landed on Victor.
>The two men’s gazes met.

>They exchanged wordless nods of understanding.

[Anonymous No.21945128]

>>21945077
>aegishjalmr
aegishjalmur*
and as a norse mythology turbosperg I am contractually obligated to remind people that other staves are available

[Anonymous No.21945144]

>>21945128
He has Gapaldur and Ginfaxi on his feet, which anchors him to a given mass of ground or other earthen material around where he stands. He combines this with dragging up spirits of water from deep underground and freezing the soil to create a zone where he is nearly immovable.

The ghost hammer also has staves against witchcraft, but I will admit that I chose these because I wanted symbols that vaguely looked like lines of text.

[Anonymous No.21945148]

>>21945144
>>21945128
also i used aegishjalmr because that is the listed spelling in old norse, and Le Not-viking Country in my setting isn't on an island

[Anonymous No.21945189]

>>21945148
>that is the listed spelling in old norse
Ah, I think you might be right. I always assumed that hjalmur was cognate with helmet, but its actually cognate with helm (hjalm, duh), and the -r is just a noun marker. Carry on then and ignore my retardation.

[Anonymous No.21945461]

>>21944844
I will be proud of you as long as you don't find underdeveloped people sexually attractive.

[Anonymous No.21945539]

I want to write an edgy super hero story set in a dystopian future. It focuses on anti-natalism, the already dystopian elements of asian culture and "capitalism/technology bad" themes (I just like complaining about shit) while still being a dumb entertaining story that teens can enjoy while feeling they read something deep. Before I go crazy with fight scenes, monsters, antagonists and so on, I need to make sure that the opening is interesting/intriguing enough to catch the attention of the kind of person that reads anime slop.

Rate and Hate.

************************************************************************************

I never asked to be born, so I don't owe my parents anything. I don't understand what they were thinking when they decided the world needed another person on it.

Here I am, mom and dad, taking the train to cram school like a good girl. After all, I need to get into a prestigious university if I don't want to starve. This is what my life is all about: commuting from overcrowded classroom to overcrowded classroom, learning things I care nothing about, and only ocasionally distracting myself with algorithmically generated entertainment.

The train is overcrowded as usual, but today I got to sit next to the window. I get to look at the glass towers that stretch towards the perpetually dark clouds above the crowded, gray streets of Sapporo.

There's so many people walking, driving, hiding in those gigantic glass towers.

What are they here for? How many of these people were careless accidents or miscalculated risks? Are they slaves of money or religion? Are they pawns of an ideology or political movement? How much damage will they endure and how much damage will they cause before they finally die?

How will they die?

At least once per day, I hear about someone dying horribly on the news. This week so far, the religious fanatics of The New Sun set a bus full of preschoolers on fire; an entire family was buried alive by the yakuza; a gang of teens high on Flux scalped several members of another gang, and an eleven-foot tall monster with seven sets of arms ending in razor-sharp claws materialized inside an office building, killing 17 people before the Rapid Response Task Force arrived.

None of those people ever imagined that their lives would end like that. I don't think many people imagine what their death is going to be like. I try not to think too much about it.

[Anonymous No.21945547]

>>21945539
>At least once per day, I hear about someone dying horribly on the news. This week so far, the religious fanatics of The New Sun set a bus full of preschoolers on fire; an entire family was buried alive by the yakuza; a gang of teens high on Flux scalped several members of another gang, and an eleven-foot tall monster with seven sets of arms ending in razor-sharp claws materialized inside an office building, killing 17 people before the Rapid Response Task Force arrived.
This should be your opening line.

[Anonymous No.21945554]

>>21939374
Sitting on the couch. Mowed the lawn this afternoon. My wife watching Real Housewives on the tv. My baby asleep on my chest. It's getting onto evening time. I wrote about 1200 words this morning but I was really onto something before I had to stop. Have really been hoping to get back on today to finish but I get stuck in these weird inertias of family life - e.g. if I get up right now and sit on the computer, my wife will complain I'm not spending time with family i.e. watching the sloppiest goyslop or just being next to her while she does.

[Anonymous No.21945558]

>>21945547
I agree, having that is a good opener to set the tone and hook people in.
>>21945539
If you post your story, I'd follow it based on what you've written here.

[Anonymous No.21945639]

>>21938157
Be real with me /wg/. Is the name Killer Killer too retarded? If so, any alternatives?

[Anonymous No.21945657]

>>21945639
Really depends. But I think the name is retarded mostly because it is a repetition of the same word back to back. If the idea is that he is killing other killers than a name like Revenant would invoke the same idea as they are vengeful spirits who endlessly pursue the person who wronged them. Killer Slayer, Murderer Killer, and any combination of these words, is little different than Killer Killer, but would have the same meaning. Manslayer Hunter, Killer Seeker, perhaps these are more palatable? It might help to have some context. But I will be unable to answer you for 8 to 10 hours as it is now past 4AM and I will be going to sleep after this post.

[Anonymous No.21945854]

>>21944121
>$200
per what

[Anonymous No.21945882]

>>21945657
>If the idea is that he is killing other killers
That's it mane. At first I thought I was clever for thinking that one up, then I saw the synopsis for some sitcom called Dexter. Never even heard of that sow. Just goes to show that ideas are a dime a dozen I suppose.
Yeah. Revenant sounds good. Was thinking of Cannibal Killer, but that gives people the wrong idea.

[Anonymous No.21946053]

>>21945854
$200 per 100,000 words

I just finished a project. About half of my clients are writing a series, so feel free to shoot me a message before they send me their next manuscripts.

[Anonymous No.21946237]

>>21941371
Update: I got rejected. I'm a real writer now!

[Anonymous No.21946480]

>>21946237
Congrats anon, keep it up until you're accepted

[Anonymous No.21946593]

What’s the point of writing? It’s just a bunch of people with no life telling shitty stories to other people with no life. Someone with a meaningful existence doesn’t have to to waste on reading or writing.

[Anonymous No.21946601]

>>21946593
As an expert on the subject, what is the point of sucking hundreds of dicks per day?

[Anonymous No.21946609]

>>21946601
At least you’re interacting with other people.

[Anonymous No.21946616]

>>21946593
My most beloved coping mechanism: sublimation.

[Anonymous No.21946632]

>>21946593
sneed retard

[Anonymous No.21946640]

>>21946632
I guess I hit a little close to home for you and the others.

[Anonymous No.21946654]

>>21946640
(You) warrant a response of no greater thought than that
finish what your parents failed to do and abort yourself, you evolutionary cul-de-sac

[Anonymous No.21946659]

Thanks anons! I went from $5 in sales to $10 in sales. All thanks to you generous readers!

[Anonymous No.21946666]

>>21946654
LOL

[Anonymous No.21946677]

>>21946640
I found your post amusing, but I am not bothered by it.
If you cannot see the value in stories, then I think the issue is with you, and not with others. People have been writing for thousands of years for anything from simple entertainment to teaching morals in a manner more likely to stick with children. Have you ever found reading to be enjoyable?
I write because I enjoy it, and because I enjoy reading so I would like others to enjoy my story.

[Anonymous No.21946681]

>>21946677
Lol. Sure. Keep seething.

[Anonymous No.21946690]

>>21946593
Screenplays need to be written, too.
Many are based on novels and short stories.
The price for selling the rights to one's novel, or short story, for an audiovisual product, is enough to make one rich.

[Anonymous No.21946693]

21946681
I know I shouldn't reply to bait, but I just can't help but hope that it is someone asking a genuinely retarded question, one which might actually be answered. Instead it is just genuine retards who can't find something better to do with their time.

[Anonymous No.21946703]

https://pastebin.com/VFzLDj7V

[Anonymous No.21946716]

>>21946703
Good prose, the story was good enough that I felt engaged and I would be willing to read more. Though you missed a period at the end of the story, a minor typo.

[Anonymous No.21946744]

>>21946703
Anon, your story was a bit shocking in its brutal realism. Not many people have the courage to write what is truly on their mind these days, and for that I applaud you. I feel like you could say a lot with a few words, which is a rare gift. Brevity is the soul of wit.

[Anonymous No.21946767]

>>21946703

[Anonymous No.21946771]

>>21946767
Filtered.

[Anonymous No.21946776]

>>21946703
Saturn Swept? More like Saturn Swept Aside.

[Anonymous No.21946786]

Realistically, how long should you be writing until you’re good enough that your first draft doesn’t need to be revised much (maybe one pass and then it’s good to go?). If you’re not at that point after ten years should you admit defeat and move on to something else?
Is writing kind of like drawing, where if you’re not great up front it’s probably not worth pursuing?

[Anonymous No.21946808]

>>21946786
If you ever write a first draft and think it doesn't need to be revised much, you should give up.

[Anonymous No.21946809]

>>21946786
art is fundamentally subtractive
editing is the true craft of writing
the developed intuition of a seasoned writer only gives him a better material from which to mold a proper story

[Anonymous No.21946821]

>>21944463
Thanks anon, this is me >>21932091 though it's a departure from how I usually write and it needs revised again. Hoping to get the draft I mentioned in my earlier post finished soon and get some feedback.
Looking forward to seeing more of it. Make it as long or as short as you feel it needs to be and good luck!

[Anonymous No.21946832]

>>21946786
>Is writing kind of like drawing, where if you’re not great up front it’s probably not worth pursuing?
NGMI

[Anonymous No.21946835]

>>21941419
Yes anon, I'm sure random Mexicans are intimately familiar with the Greek classics

[Anonymous No.21946868]

>>21941419
There have been brutal wars over more retarded shit

[Anonymous No.21947050]

>>21942368

[Anonymous No.21947082]

>>21946593
Someone with a meaningful existence wouldn't waste his time posting baits on 4chan.

[Anonymous No.21947104]

>>21941419
It wasn't the kidnapping itself but the fact that Paris violated the laws of hospitality (which are important when you're a bunch of bickering island states) and because all the kings (i.e Helen's suitors) had sworn an oath to defend Helen when she was married to Menelaus.

[Anonymous No.21947106]

>someone reads a story written in english
>they comment on it in spanish
why are they like this

[Anonymous No.21947127]

>>21947106
It is sometimes easier to read rather than write or speak another language. With translation tools online they should just use them, but it also means that you could read and respond to them using those tools.
The Hispanic people also seem to have a stronger sense of culture, which leads to them speaking in their own tongue instead of the one used by the people around them, though I do not believe it is being done out of malice, rather it is just thoughtlessness and a sense of familiarity where that is their default even if raised in an English speaking country or they use English sites.
I am reminded of a story from my father.
My mother was raised Amish, and so the church she took my father to had the women speaking in High German, and another woman who had converted would be purposely left out of the conversations i.e they would be speaking English and switch to German when she got involved.
I file people commenting in foreign languages as a minor annoyance and nothing else.

[Anonymous No.21947136]

>>21944121
Can you post a sample of your work, one page before and after? Or maybe a crit of something posted in this thread?

[Anonymous No.21947141]

Behold!
A new bread cometh!
>>21947130

[Anonymous No.21947194]

>>21947127
I think it's malice. no one but spanish speakers does this. russians or norwegians or whoever will apologize for being esl and then write in textbook perfect english. if they are reading the story in english they clearly can speak it!

[Anonymous No.21947777]

>>21947106

MTL reader