/wg/ Writing General

[Anonymous No.21820399]

The "Galaxy Fart" edition.

Previous thread: >>21811016

/wg/ AUTHORS & FLASH FICTION: https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ
RESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONS: https://pastebin.com/nFxdiQvC

Please limit excerpts to one post.
Give advice as much as you receive it to the best of your ability.
Follow prompts made below and discuss written works for practice; contribute and you shall receive.
If you have not performed a cursory proofread, do not expect to be treated kindly. Edit your work for spelling and grammar before posting.
Violent shills, and relentless shill-spammers, should be ignored and reported.

Do not engage with grounds keeping prose. Period.

Simple guides on writing:
https://youtu.be/pHdzv1NfZRM
https://youtu.be/whPnobbck9s
https://youtu.be/YAKcbvioxFk

Thread theme:
https://youtu.be/YhYljpL-lEc

[Anonymous No.21820552]

>start thinking about a medieval fantasy story
>starts out fairly grounded in realism, nothing about fancy magic and weird non-human peoples and dragons and whatnot, those are just myths in the world
>the story evolves inside my head, out of control, until it ends with the protag literally killing the only remaining god to take his place in order to save the world from annihilation brought about by a conflict between the gods and a race of superhumans eons ago
Well okay then

[Anonymous No.21820556]

>>21820552
Urban anime chad

[Anonymous No.21820558]

>>21820399
>https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ
>I am the only person with a social media listed

What's the logic? It's honestly not doing much to move the needle for me so I'm open to being told I'm chasing a dead trend. Should I be on substack instead of twitter? Is the only effective marketing making schizo memes?

[Anonymous No.21820583]

>Don't give up.
>Don't allow sadness to crush your spirit.
>Strive to make the art that will change it all.
>Push back against the failure of culture to maintain its strength.
>Drag it kicking and screaming with you, if you have to.
>Feel pity if you must. Feel sadness, feel rage, feel hopeless, and feel fury. Then write.

[Anonymous No.21820631]

>>21820399
Replace the pastebin with pic related.

[Anonymous No.21820638]

>>21820583
Fitz.... It's been too long

>>21820631
Needs to be in a format with copyable or clickable links to be helpful

[Anonymous No.21820647]

>>21820583
OH MY GOD IM GONNA WRIIIIITE

[Anonymous No.21820653]

>write fun adult fantasy medieval story
>people only read isekais about warship girls
I'm thinking about writing a isekai, just so that people write at least a review in my other project. Nothing too retarded though (although the most retarded stories are the ones that are read).

[Anonymous No.21820672]

>>21820638
Right? I was just getting ready to buy some of these books but when I realized I was going to have to open amazon and type the titles myself I gave up.

[Anonymous No.21820693]

>>21820672
I haven't read any /lit/ books this year but I think I will do another 6. Already got 3 for future reading. Backlog is hellish.

[Anonymous No.21820703]

>>21820672
>hey a list of indie authors, I'll check out a few of their descriptions to see if any of them grabs me.
>oh, I can't click them as hyperlinks? Annoying since this is posted on the internet already but okay let me just copy and paste the text of these obscure book titles I've never heard of and may not show up at the top of their category
>Oh this isn't even a PDF? I have to manually click between tabs for each title to make sure I have the weird title and even weirder author pen-name spelled correctly
>Okay first one is 'City of Singles', see entire page of pic related
>okay better roll up my sleeves to do more work read these unknown people! I'll... oh hey a funny meme on /wg/, and someone is is asking for critiuque... I'll go look these guys up a little later, surely

This is EXACTLY how you lose sales

[Anonymous No.21820753]

>>21820631
You need to add Five to Four by James Krake

There's a giveaway going on for it too. Details will be re-iterated on the Unreal Press livestream tonight.

tl;dr pre-order his new book, he's giving out copies of his previous books

[Anonymous No.21820827]

>>21820631
>published books only
No

[Anonymous No.21820845]

I want to write a fantasy novel and series, but Tolkien and Martin have already done it well enough that I don't think there's much to add. I would just be recycling their ideas. I also want to write a science fiction novel and series, but I've never read a science fiction novel I liked. Ever. They are all like, Klatu flew to Eratu to eat the kafalite of a bitumanu before being crowned emperor or maljlafjksdfljasdflj. I'm stuck in a rut, really. I sit down and write and that part is no problem, but picking an actual project that I'll be working on for the next six months or more is tough.

[Anonymous No.21820853]

>>21820845
>spending six months to finish a single project
Well maybe if you stopped slurping cum you could finish faster

[Anonymous No.21820880]

>>21820631
You could get the correct information. Kindle and paperback have different page settings

[Anonymous No.21820962]

>>21820583
Thanks Fitz!
>182k into 3rd book
>managed to keep it mostly unsmutty
>Only 10-20k away from fin of first draft
>already have 4th book plotted
We are all gonna make it!

[Anonymous No.21821074]

>>21820845
>but Tolkien and Martin have already done it well enough that I don't think there's much to add.
Maybe genre fiction isn't for you.

[Anonymous No.21821101]

Is my setting kinda bloated? I wanted my setting to be centered around psychics as they have a whole sort of world. Theres a realm called the mindscape and my mc goes to all the rogue psychic's mindscape areas to defeat them and get intel on the main villain. I also wanted entities only psychics can see called manifestations that range from normal creatures to humanoids with emotions. I wanted to do the "destroyed/disbanded team" trope with a group of psychics or a psychic society from the 70s/80s seeping in through the cracks of the plot.

[Anonymous No.21821106]

>>21820845
>Tolkien and Martin
You saying you can't think of anything that isn't "elves and dwarves and men try to defeat the evilest dude ever" and "bunch of noble houses kill each other"?

[Anonymous No.21821127]

>>21820845
You should invest yourself in things in the real world (irl myths, folklore, history) to inspire yourself to write "fantasy." If your only frame of reference for creating a fantasy world is just other people's fantasy worlds, then of course its going to be derivative.

[Anonymous No.21821339]

>>21821101
Doesn’t seem bloated as long as those things all relate to the character’s story.

[Anonymous No.21821465]

>>21820399
That supposed to be a Dyson Sphere gone horribly wrong..?

[Anonymous No.21821484]

>>21820399
We're all gonna make it anons

[Anonymous No.21821561]

>>21820845
>MC dies as he is walking to his wagecuck job
>reincarnates as a futa oni
>goes around fucking and concurring small villages
>builds up a army
>commence the political war arc
>ends with him realizing that war arcs sucks
>since they are all typical bullshit with the same ending
>so he goes to a desolate beach village
>starts a whore saloon with his harem and also raises a puppy
>becomes a local hero of the community
>dies happy on his bed
>reincarnates as a chinese girl
>dies insatntaly as she(he) is chucked from the baby killing bridge
>next lifetime he is a girl in iraq
>becomes a whore and castrated
>fights off his captor only to die in the sandy wastes
>realize that he is in a trap designed by the demiurge and the archons
>fights the demiurge and his minions in shonen tier fights
>escapes samsara

[Anonymous No.21821600]

oh yeah, my mc's supposed to be a total slut. forgot about that.

[Anonymous No.21821620]

>>21820399
I’m working on a setting with a corruption-themed ultimate villain that mostly stays in its own region, which has been thoroughly corrupted by it down to the very elements due it having the heart of its power there. It can create avatars (I need ideas for them besides a man in tattered once-fine robes and a tarnished crown, or maybe a serpent with oozing scales, BTW) that act outside of the region, which have more limited corruptive abilities, but its main "essence" that I mentioned stays in its own region. What could justify it staying there besides pressure from the gods, so that my heroes will have to confront it in its own realm? I was thinking that it could be surrounded by a desert rendered resistant to corruption, and/or its nature means that it has to corrupt every single grain of sand it can, limiting its expansion, but besides someone else's suggestion of making it be capable of stretching too far too fast and risking overextending itself, what else could work, since I want it to be the unparalleled force of evil in the setting? Also, what might work as chief minions for it besides head cultists for those who willingly follow it and beings that tempt the weak-willed or drive them mad?

[Anonymous No.21821632]

>write a character
>in my eyes they share a lot of stuff i have personality wise
>hate this
>flip their gender and make them a girl
>problem solved
huh. neat.

[Anonymous No.21821654]

>>21821127
I do read history and mythology but the problem is that my interests are also their interests.

[Anonymous No.21821695]

This AI stuff is gonna be more disruptive than Amazon ever was for the genre fiction and general schlock market. It can't write by itself but its a very good assistant. I tell it to rewrite parts I've done but don't like, and also don't know how to improve, and nine times out of ten the AI's version isn't any better, but I find I can think up improvements quicker with more examples of what not to do. You can treat it like the Dumas ghostwriter team and tell it to write, and while it can't put out finished product it does seriously increase your output. It doesn't like doing dialogue and is usually pretty bad at it when you force it to, but the narration is generally solid and sometimes quite pleasant, if fairly uninspired and prone to cliched phrases. I find the most useful part is that it can rewrite about a page at a time based on instructions in plain English, and actually do what you tell it without dicking up the stuff you don't mind. Almost feels like when you're making a sword: one guy forges a roughly sword-shaped chunk of steel and another spends a week grinding it into shape. Still have to scrape off a ton of metal but its easier than doing it all by yourself, or buying Chinese bar stock, and this metaphor is now getting way too tortured.

[Anonymous No.21821709]

>>21821620
I think you've asked this same question a few too many times now, and I guarantee you haven't written a single word of your story in the meantime. Here's a better question. Who's you PoV character and what's his immediate goal in chapter 1?

[Anonymous No.21821731]

>all i want to do is write
>society dictates that i must dedicate 8+ (really 10+) hours of my day to wageslaving to pay for a shitty apartment i cant even enjoy in a city i dont want to be in eating food i despise and speaking to people i loathe
>all the while my body is getting older and sicker and that much closer to requiring expensive, painful medical intervention which i cannot afford, and which will take away another drop of my nonexistent freedom, further cementing me into the role of a slave and fostering dependence on this satanic social system
>all of this dictated by law by a bunch of psychopathic wealthy shitheads that most of the population would vote to blow the brains out of if put to poll

antinatalists are right

[Anonymous No.21821761]

>>21821731
There's 24 hours
8 for working
8 for sleeping

What are you doing with the remaining 8 hours?

[Anonymous No.21821764]

>>21821761
168 hours in a week
40 dedicated to work
56 dedicated to sleep
10 for eating and other bullshit.
>Still 72 hours left

Explain yourself

[Anonymous No.21821769]

>>21821731
>antinatalists are right
shoo shoo, jew

[Anonymous No.21821781]

>>21821761
>humans are machines
i spend the remaining time being depressed and crying

[Anonymous No.21821795]

>>21821781
So did most famous 20th century authors, but they also had the added handicap of being drunk off their faces.

[Anonymous No.21821809]

>>21820703
This is facts tho.

[Anonymous No.21821894]

>>21821731
Create a service based business were you revenue 75+ USD a hour. So you only need to work half the time to make ends meet.

[Anonymous No.21821901]

>>21821695
>a roughly sword-shaped chunk of steel
a billet fyi

[Anonymous No.21821955]

>>21821901
When its anywhere between an uneven but identifiable blade shape and a complete but dull blade, you call it a blank. Billet is just a rectangular prism of metal, though a lot of people just skip the forging step and grind those into swords so it'd kinda fit my metaphor too.

[Anonymous No.21821967]

>In a realm both distant and peculiar, there lived a creature named Argremu. This being was unlike any other, with a lanky frame covered in a patchwork of fur and scales, and eyes that seemed to hold the wisdom of the ages. Argremu's spirit was as wild as the winds that swept across the plains, and their curiosity knew no bounds. They roamed the vast landscape, seeking adventure and the unknown, drawn to the mysteries that lay hidden in the world's corners.

>Argremu was well-known and respected among the inhabitants of the land. They were a traveler, a storyteller, and a seeker of truths. Often, they would sit with the young and the old, recounting tales of their adventures, weaving intricate stories of bravery and discovery. In these stories, one could always sense an underlying lesson, as if Argremu was preparing their listeners for something yet to come.

>The land in which Argremu lived was a wondrous place, with forests of singing trees, rivers that whispered secrets, and skies that painted dreams with every sunset. It was a place where the impossible was not only possible but expected, and where those who sought the truth would find it, though often not in the ways they might have anticipated.

>It was in this fantastical world that Argremu's greatest adventure would unfold. The story began as Argremu crossed a dense forest, following the song of a mythical bird that was said to hold the key to a secret buried deep within the heart of the land. The path was winding and treacherous, but Argremu moved with grace and determination, driven by a burning desire to unveil the hidden truth.

>As Argremu ventured deeper into the forest, they noticed a growing sense of unease. The songs of the trees began to fade, replaced by a strange silence that pressed in from all sides. The very air seemed to shimmer with a hidden tension, as if the fabric of reality was beginning to unravel.

>Argremu had encountered many unusual phenomena during their travels, but this feeling was different. It was as if something was waiting, watching, poised to strike. Yet Argremu could not turn back, for the lure of the secret was too strong, and they knew that whatever lay ahead was inextricably linked to their destiny.

>And so, with caution and resolve, Argremu pressed on, the feeling of foreboding growing stronger with each step. It was then that they stumbled upon the enigmatic object that would change their life forever: the pluuushi plaaaash.

>This mysterious entity shimmered with an ethereal beauty and seemed to call out to Argremu with an irresistible allure. But Argremu sensed that there was something forbidden about this pluuushi plaaaash, a silent warning that echoed within their very soul.

[Anonymous No.21821974]

>>21821967
PLEASE RATE MY WRITING I"M OPEN TO THOUGHTFUL CRITISISMS!

[Anonymous No.21821977]

>>21820853
Can't rush art but you sound like you rush your boyfriend's ass

[Anonymous No.21821978]

>>21820583
basado

[Anonymous No.21821979]

>>21821781
Arent you depressed and crying at work anyways? Time to WRITE.

[Anonymous No.21821993]

>>21821967
>Argremu
>they
I think you mean, "it". or possibly he or she. they is plural and Argremu is singular, so don't use they

[Anonymous No.21822013]

>>21821993
Argremu is a legion of spirit existing in one being.
Maybe.

[Anonymous No.21822021]

>>21821993
Give me real feedback. Don't be lazy.

[Anonymous No.21822046]

>>21821967
This is a children's book, I assume, or a story within your story being read to children. It's very basic. It's literally all tell no show. Which is fitting for a children's book - with pictures, I assume each sentence has a picture associated with it. That's what it seems like to me.

[Anonymous No.21822051]

>>21822046
That exactly what I was thinking of doing with it.

[Anonymous No.21822053]

>>21822013
That may be.
>>21822021
Using a plural noun to describe a singular being pulls me out of the story each time it's written.

[Anonymous No.21822056]

>>21822046
ITs a total of 5000 words btw

[Anonymous No.21822061]

>>21822053
>Using a plural noun to describe a singular being pulls me out of the story each time it's written.
Well not everything is about you, now is it?

[Anonymous No.21822072]

>>21822061
If you don't like the feedback you're receiving you should at least pretend to be grateful you're getting anything at all.

It's a children's book about your imaginary friend snuffaluffagus. Its juvenile. Fine. But if you're writing for children one of the basic things you need to get correct is proper grammar. Don't use a plural when you should be using a singular.

[Anonymous No.21822079]

>>21822046
IS THIS BETTER!?

Argremu approached the pluuushi plaaaash, their hand outstretched, but stopped short when they heard a voice.

"Stay back," the voice warned, low and gravelly.

Argremu spun around, searching for the source of the voice, but saw no one. "Who's there?" they called out.

The voice chuckled, a deep rumble that shook the ground beneath Argremu's feet. "You are a curious one, aren't you? But perhaps you should be more cautious in your curiosity."

Argremu felt a shiver run down their spine. They had encountered many strange beings on their travels, but this voice was like nothing they had ever heard before. "Who are you?" they asked.

The voice was silent for a moment, then spoke again. "I am the guardian of the pluuushi plaaaash, and you are not worthy of its power."

Argremu bristled at the challenge. "And who are you to decide that?" they asked, their eyes flashing with defiance.

The voice chuckled again. "You are bold, I'll give you that. But I am the guardian, and I know the true nature of the pluuushi plaaaash. It is not a toy to be played with, nor a tool to be wielded lightly. It is a power beyond your understanding, and it must be respected."

Argremu stood their ground, their hand still outstretched toward the pluuushi plaaaash. "I understand that there is power here, and I seek to understand it," they said. "But I will not be deterred by fear or intimidation."

The voice was silent for a moment, then spoke again, this time with a hint of respect. "You have courage, I'll give you that. But courage alone will not be enough. The power of the pluuushi plaaaash is not to be taken lightly, and if you seek to wield it, you must prove yourself worthy."

"How?" Argremu asked.

"By embracing the truth," the voice said. "The truth of the world, the truth of your own heart. Only then can you hope to understand the power of the pluuushi plaaaash and use it for good."

Argremu nodded, their eyes locked on the pluuushi plaaaash. They knew that the voice was right, that there was a greater truth to be uncovered, a truth that would unlock the power of the artifact and reveal the destiny that awaited them.

With a deep breath, Argremu stepped forward, their hand closing around the pluuushi plaaaash. As they did so, a bright light filled the forest, illuminating the world and revealing the mysteries that had been hidden for so long.

And so began Argremu's greatest adventure, a journey of self-discovery, courage, and the power of truth.

[Anonymous No.21822082]

>>21822072
I don't need to be grateful you're just mean.

[Anonymous No.21822084]

>>21822079
please keep this chat gpt shit out of the thread

[Anonymous No.21822089]

>>21822084
Whats the suppose to mean exactly?

[Anonymous No.21822095]

FROM LATER IN THE STORY!

As Argremu looked into the bird's eyes, a torrent of images and memories flooded their mind. They saw the ancient history of their realm, the rise and fall of civilizations, and the birth of the Tree of Whispers, a living repository of knowledge and the echoes of ages past.

The mythical bird's song weaved a tapestry of secrets, revealing the true nature of the pluuushi plaaaash: a powerful artifact capable of shaping reality itself, bending the fabric of the world to the will of its wielder. In the wrong hands, the pluuushi plaaaash could bring about unimaginable chaos and destruction. It was no wonder the Shadowbinders sought to protect it so fiercely.

Yet, hidden within the bird's haunting melody was also a message of hope. The pluuushi plaaaash, though inherently dangerous, could be harnessed for the greater good, to heal the wounds of the world and bring about a new age of peace and prosperity. But only one who possessed a pure heart and unwavering resolve could achieve such a feat, for the pluuushi plaaaash was a fickle and capricious force.

As the final notes of the bird's song faded into the night, Argremu felt a newfound sense of purpose and understanding. They knew now that their destiny was inextricably linked to the pluuushi plaaaash and that their choices would shape the fate of their realm for generations to come.

With a deep breath, Argremu turned to the Shadowbinders, who stood waiting in silent anticipation. "I now understand the true nature of the pluuushi plaaaash and the responsibility that comes with such knowledge. I vow to use this power wisely and to protect our realm from the chaos that it could unleash."

The leader of the Shadowbinders nodded solemnly, their expression unreadable. "Your journey has only just begun, Argremu. The path you walk is fraught with danger and uncertainty, and you must rely on your courage, your wisdom, and your heart to guide you. Remember the lessons of the mythical bird, and let the echoes of the past light your way."

[Anonymous No.21822105]

>>21821654
If you were, say, a big fan of norse/ anglo-saxon mythology and attempted to create a unique world based on that, it will obviously incidentally resemble middle earth, but as long as you're not literally copying middle earth but rather the inspirations behind it, your story will still come out unique. It'll just be superficially samey rather than a ripoff

[Anonymous No.21822108]

>>21822089
It means your generic xanxia text that chat gpt spat out is revolting.

[Anonymous No.21822159]

>>21822108
I thought it was good.

[Anonymous No.21822182]

>>21822159
The primary reason it's not good can be summed up in one line.
>Argremu nodded, their eyes locked on the pluuushi plaaaash. They knew that the voice was right, that there was a greater truth to be uncovered, a truth that would unlock the power of the artifact and reveal the destiny that awaited them.
So aside from the painfully generic truth to be revealed, unlock of power of the artifact and reveal destiny nonsense aside, the problem is that your mc has no agency. There it is, the magic item it wants, and then a voice over a loudspeaker sends it away. And it even knows the voice is right! How about that. It's retarded. At this point Argremu should take the macguffin, not turn away in failure, and should suffer consequences for doing so. And:
>"By embracing the truth," the voice said. "The truth of the world, the truth of your own heart. Only then can you hope to understand the power of the pluuushi plaaaash and use it for good."
This is gay as fuck. It's shit like this that really makes it a xanxia, in my mind.

[Anonymous No.21822382]

>>21822095
>pluuushi plaaaash
>Argremu
What the hell is going on with these names? Are they intentionally meant to sound silly and whimsical?

[Anonymous No.21822384]

>>21822182
It is for children so its meant to display easily digestible themes.
But thank you for your feedback, I do appreciate it.

[Anonymous No.21822385]

I'm still ashamed and terrifyed that I wrote that story where foxy rapes freddy. (Yes from five nights at freddys and yes It was sexual in nature) People liked it but Do I dare even think about sharing it?

[Anonymous No.21822390]

>>21822382
Yes.

[Anonymous No.21822395]

>>21822385
also yes.

[Anonymous No.21822404]

>>21822385
Argremu's journey is a perfect example of why it's important to share your stories, even if you don't believe that your writing is perfect. Argremu, like many of us, was driven by a sense of curiosity and a desire to understand the world around them. Along the way, they encountered obstacles and challenges that tested their courage, their wisdom, and their strength of heart.

But despite these challenges, Argremu never lost sight of their goal, and they never hesitated to share their experiences with others. Through their stories, Argremu was able to connect with people from all walks of life, to inspire them and to teach them valuable lessons about life, love, and the power of the human spirit.

In the same way, even if you feel that your writing is imperfect, it's important to share your stories with others. By doing so, you are able to connect with people in a deep and meaningful way, to inspire them, and to teach them valuable lessons about life, love, and the power of the human spirit.

Your stories are unique and special, just like Argremu's journey. They may not be perfect, but they are a reflection of your experiences and your unique perspective on the world. By sharing them, you are able to inspire others and to help them navigate the challenges and obstacles that they may face in their own lives.

[Anonymous No.21822409]

>>21822390
if thats the case, then I think you could achieve that with quirky spellings of relatively simple sounds. The Argr sound in Argremu is such a ballache to say, I'd want to drop the first r and g, so you're just left with Aremu, and then to make it silly and whimsical, I would turn it into Aramoo or Areemoo (depending on whether its a long e or not).
Same thing with the weird repeated vowels in pluuuushi plaaaash, just turn that into plooshii plaash. It still sounds silly but isn't obnoxious to look at.

[Anonymous No.21822422]

>>21822409
That is very good feedback, thank you.

[Anonymous No.21822455]

>>21820399
Are short stories the best way to start writing? I've read some craft books and none of them seem to ever talk about where to actually begin.
I want to write novels but it just seems a little silly to dive in and start plotting out a full novel as a complete beginner.

[Anonymous No.21822512]

>>21821894
Got any ideas for one?

[Anonymous No.21822520]

>>21822455
no. if you have a story to tell that's longer, then it'll be longer. if you don't, you don't

[Anonymous No.21822540]

>>21822455
oh but the way to actually begin the story isn't to plot out the entire thing from start to finish and get every detail down first. that's a total waste of time and it'll serve to limit your creativity. the only thing you need to know is your inciting incident, as well as your character(s) motivations which will lead them to that incident. all the other sort of ancillary details you can make up on the fly, but you need to understand your mc well enough to get the ball rolling

[Anonymous No.21822569]

I would love some feedback on this, been thinking of page one rewrite:
PART 1/?
But as he closed his eyes, he started to hear a strange noise.

The only conclusion he could think of was that it was somehow Brian though he wasn't entirely sure. He opened them back up and found himself on the wooden floor.

As he struggled to rise, his palms scraped against a rough wooden floor, sending a jolt of pain up his arms, that's a trip to the bathroom right there.

The once-familiar surroundings of his house were now warped and grotesque, like a funhouse mirror come to life. Briar looked around the room, his heart racing as he realized that something was very wrong. The beds and the belongings that were once occupied by Belle and Brian were gone, leaving the room eerily empty. He could feel a chill creeping up his spine as he looked around, trying to find any sign of life. But there was none.

"Hello?" ... "HELLO?" His ears began to pin back as he realized that he was completely alone. The room felt different, wrong somehow, and Briar couldn't shake the feeling that he was in grave danger. His stomach churned with fear, and he couldn't help but wonder what had happened to his siblings. Were they okay? Were they even alive? The questions swirled in his mind as he started to pace around the once-vibrant room, and he couldn't help but feel a sense of dread wash over him. Something terrible had happened, and he was all alone in the midst of it.

As the minutes ticked by, the darkness crept closer, enveloping everything in its inky embrace. He couldn't even see his own feet. He needed light more than ever now. So Briar stumbled his way to the row of the lightswitches but as he approached them, he could faintly see the walls, they seemed to pulse and throb, and the floorboards creaked and groaned beneath his feet. But as he finally flick the light switch on, it did nothing but make things worse. The flickering lights barely illuminated the darkness that seemed to be swallowing everything in its path and the bare amount of light only cast strange, shifting shadows along the walls. He had enough. He wanted out.

[Anonymous No.21822575]

>>21822569
PART 2/?
Briar started to reach for the doorknob, but before his fingers could touch the cool metal... "AHH!!" He felt a sudden sharp pain in his hand as he recoiled in surprise. Confused, he tried again, but the pain only intensified. Inspecting the, albeit faint doorknob it looked perfectly fine. Puzzled, he turned his attention to his hands. They had a bit of a heft to them. But yet Briar could make out vague, indistinct shapes so he started to brush the back of his hand against his palm. It ended quickly as it quickly hit something along with a pricking sensation. He had to find another way out. Desperately, he tried using the backs of his hands, wincing as if something was still creating that deep pain in his skin. But suddenly, his hand slipped off the knob and hit his leg, it felt like a searing hot poker had been pressed against his skin. The pain shot through his entire body like a lightning bolt, causing him to gasp for air. Every nerve in his hand was on fire, and he could feel his heart racing as he tried to regain his composure. Tears welled up in his eyes, blurring his vision as he struggled to contain the pain. It was a sharp, intense pain that refused to subside, and Briar feared it would never go away. But he didn't give up. Briar took a deep breath, gritted his fangs, and tried again, his determination overriding the agony. And with a twist and a turn he managed to twist it open and escape, stumbling out into the hallway, gasping for breath.

Briar stumbled through the dimly lit halls, his heart pounding with fear, as he tried to find a way out of this nightmare. He used the back of his hand once more to guide the way to the bathroom, feeling each smooth wooden surface like a lifeline. The sensation was almost comforting, a small reprieve from the pain in his hand. Finally, he made it to the bathroom door and attempted to open it with the lever using his foot. It took a few tries, but he managed to push it open with a loud creak. Briar took a deep breath, trying to steady himself as he entered the dark room, praying that he wouldn't trip or fall.

Briar let out a sharp gasp as he glanced down at his hands as he saw himself in the mirror like a drunk Vitruvian Man.

[Anonymous No.21822582]

>>21822575
PART 3/?
His mind can only try to comprehend what he was seeing. His hands! Oh God, his hands! They were covered in a grotesque collage of splinters! He couldn't help but wince as he studied the wooden shards embedded in his flesh. They ranged in size from small slivers to large, jagged fragments. Some were barely visible, while others were massive shards that extended through the other side of his hand.
Briar could feel the warm trickle of blood as it seeped from his wounds, staining the soft shower rug beneath his feet. He tried to move them around, but the pain made him wince in dear agony. Some of the splinters were so deeply embedded that he couldn't even grasp them with his other hand. Others were located in such awkward positions that he couldn't help but fear the worst. Briar struggled to keep his composure, but the pain was too much. He let out a mixed yelp that was a concoction between strangled and light and fell to his knees. "Please... someone..."

Briar's throat felt tight as he yelped over and over again. The pain caused him to clutch at his chest, not even caring about the aching pain in his hands. It was as if his body was betraying him, trapping him in this place of agony and fear. He was now utterly alone and his heart started to race with the thought of being trapped here forever. The thought alone made him start to cry. "M-mommy..." He didn't know what else to do, he started to consider getting one of the wooden stakes out and stabbing himself to death. He sat alone for began to rise and began to pluck one of the splinters out, the searing pain from his hand didn't matter anymore. He wanted out of this place. But as soon as raised the piece of wood, out of pure instinct, his brain started to race all over for memories of his loved ones. He thought of Brian, the mischief they got into together, and the laughter they shared. He thought of Belle, her gentle touch and warm embraces. His father, was always a pillar of strength. He briefly laughed at the time he hurt his leg when he went on the Slip-N-Slide. His mother, whose love and kindness knew no bounds, and her newfound strength after dad died. The pain connected him to them, and for a moment, he could feel their presence beside him. But as quickly as the warmth came, it vanished, leaving him shivering and alone once again. The bathroom gave an echo as he dropped the stake as slumped back onto the floor. Then he thought of Betty. Her face, her eyes, her way of holding a fishing rod. He couldn't get her out of his head and Briar doesn't even know why but he likes it.

[Anonymous No.21822583]

>>21822575
pastebin this shit, don't spam the thread

[Anonymous No.21822590]

>>21822582
Wait Part 3 of 3, aren't I a silly little cheezit?

[Anonymous No.21822601]

>>21822569
>But as he closed his eyes, he started to hear a strange noise.
This is your first line? I hope not.
>The only conclusion he could think of was that it was somehow Brian though he wasn't entirely sure. He opened them back up and found himself on the wooden floor.
Brian is... not a typo? "The only conclusion he could think of was that it was somehow Brian though he wasn't entirely sure." This sentence makes no sense.
>As he struggled to rise, his palms scraped against a rough wooden floor, sending a jolt of pain up his arms, that's a trip to the bathroom right there
how is that a trip to the bathroom?

So anyway, I'd delete all that and start the story with:
>"Hello?" ... "HELLO?" Briar's ears began to pin back as he realized that he was completely alone.
his ears began to pin back. is a furry?

[Anonymous No.21822645]

>>21822583
Really wish I did that before, sorry.

[Anonymous No.21822656]

>mfw finally figured out the introductory page for my 300 pages of schizo ramblings

[Anonymous No.21822662]

>>21822512
dryer vent cleaning
window cleaning
dog waste picker up
junk removal, can turn into dumpster rentals too
dumpster cleaning
pressure washing
gutter cleaning, can make it your only niche in some areas
landscaping, has many niches
These are just some which are easy to get into with low funds, and they are repeat business. So you don't have to spend a lot in marketing to acquire new customers. But if your good at writing and know how to edit, you could sell yourself as a freelance editor.

[Anonymous No.21822665]

>>21822385
go to /vg/ and share it with the fnaf general, at least one of them would like it.

[Anonymous No.21822726]

>>21822046
I rewrote the begining, is it better now? I build character more

In a realm both distant and peculiar, there lived a creature named Argremu. He was unlike any other, with a lanky frame covered in a patchwork of fur and scales, and eyes that seemed to hold the wisdom of the ages. Argremu's spirit was as wild as the winds that swept across the plains, and his curiosity knew no bounds. He roamed the vast landscape, seeking adventure and the unknown, drawn to the mysteries that lay hidden in the world's corners.

Argremu was well-known and respected among the inhabitants of the land. He was a storyteller, and a seeker of truths. Often, he would sit with the young and the old, recounting tales of his adventures, weaving intricate stories of bravery and discovery. In these stories, one could always sense an underlying lesson, as if Argremu was preparing his listeners for something yet to come.

It was on one such evening, in a village nestled in the shadow of a great mountain, that Argremu found himself surrounded by a group of new-found friends. They had stumbled upon him as he was telling stories to the villagers, drawn to the sound of his voice and the sense of wonder that seemed to surround him.

As he spoke, his voice rose and fell, painting vivid pictures of far-off lands and impossible feats. He wove tales of dragons and heroes, of magic and mystery, each story more captivating than the last. The villagers listened with rapt attention, their eyes wide with wonder and their hearts filled with a sense of adventure.

When he finished his last story, the group of friends gathered around him, eager for more. "You're a wonderful storyteller, Argremu," said one of the young men, a grin spreading across his face. "Have you ever thought about writing your stories down?"

Argremu shook his head, a hint of sadness in his eyes. "I'm afraid I'm not much of a writer." Shamefully, he was illiterate but did not want to admit as much.

The young man frowned, but another of the group spoke up. "Perhaps we could help you," she said. "We could write down your stories, help you to capture their magic on the page."

Argremu looked at her, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. "You would do that?" he asked.

The group nodded, smiling at him. "Of course," said the young woman. "Your stories deserve to be shared with the world, and we want to help you do that."

[Anonymous No.21822731]

>>21822662
>easy to get into
I wouldn't say so. Where I live only dog waste pickup is easy to get into and it's mcdonalds wagie tier. Need equipment and training and loicense for the rest.

[Anonymous No.21822741]

>>21822731
Im in the states, so you don't need a license for any of them in my area.

[Anonymous No.21822763]

>>21822520
>>21822540
Thanks for the feedback, but I have to ask: how do you maintain a tight narrative structure just writing whatever comes to you for each chapter. I'm someone with a tendency to daydream nonsense stories that lead nowhere, for example, and that's what I imagine it would look like if I didn't write out a synoptic skeleton before fleshing it out. Wouldn't you say a story's essence or 'point' precedes its execution?

[Anonymous No.21822789]

>>21822763
>Wouldn't you say a story's essence or 'point' precedes its execution?
no. stories are long. you can have an idea of what you want to get across before you start, you can include messages to that effect, you can lay out a case, and then suddenly 1/3 of the way in something happens. a character you didn't really plan to take precedence suddenly becomes very important. the B plot you lazily dreamed up and included suddenly becomes way more important. you have a totally unforeseen additional message than what you imagined you had. your ending that you were inexorably aiming toward is suddenly nowhere in sight. worse, it's now ludicrous, impossible

[Anonymous No.21822807]

>reading the draft over again
>laugh at all my jokes
i'm hilarious, my god this is great

[Anonymous No.21822812]

>>21822763
>Wouldn't you say a story's essence or 'point' precedes its execution?
absolutely fucking not
is this something people have internalized? christ, it'd explain a lot of shit you see from new writers

[Anonymous No.21822874]

Posting for a reread of the schizo ramblings of Jack.

https://pastebin.com/7FZrN49Y

Any feedback would be appreciated.

[Anonymous No.21822929]

>>21822812
can you explain why not?

[Anonymous No.21822993]

>>21822874
Your prose is very passive.

>Jack knew the walls had been bugged since last Thursday.
were bugged
>He had heard noises near the closet then, and he knew he was being watched.
he heard noises. Someone was watching him
>The noises had obviously been installation schemes for a camera and microphone system throughout his studio.
His studio leaked noises from the unseen installation of the microphone system and camera
>He had delivered lectures alone in his room sometimes, knowing that the underlings to the Californians were watching.
He delivered lectures to underlings and Californians.
>He hoped that he had reached some of them. >Jack knew that as the first body without organs, he alone was responsible for bringing the world towards the final revolution. It would lessen inequality, free man from his stopped up differentiations, and stop all wars from occurring. Everyone would learn to be in touch with themselves, their trauma, and the world would forever be at peace.
You're tyring to write about Jack. We want to know what Jack thinks. Not what YOU think.

[Anonymous No.21823042]

>>21822726
>>21822095
>>21822079
>>21821967
This is actually one of the best things ever posted on here.

[Anonymous No.21823084]

>>21822993
The 'had heard' is bad, and your suggestions for alternatives give him a good start
the comment about 'we want to know what Jack thinks, not you think' is wrong. I don't know what the fucked up goofball MFA tranny told you in your writing group, but 3rd person exposition is perfectly fine in this case. It very obviously is how the reader learns about the things that are 'concrete' to Jack. By outlining them as casually as if he were describing a building, we get to look into Jack's head and to know exactly what he's thinking.
Please do the schitzo poster a favor and try to give helpful advice next time.
thank you.

[Anonymous No.21823089]

>>21823042
fooling no one

[Anonymous No.21823112]

>>21823084
If you don't want my suggestion that's fine. Dont' be a dick about it. Never going to bother giving you feedback anymore.

[Anonymous No.21823120]

>>21823084
>>21823112
I'm not even the person who was mean to you. It was good feedback and I've tried to remove the "had"s in my writing. I do think the last bit of feedback was unnecessary. But it was still valued. Thank you, anon(s).

[Anonymous No.21823127]

>>21823120
>I've tried to remove the "had"s in my writing
it has a place, in instances where you're using past-past tense, but in general you should use simple past

[Anonymous No.21823139]

>>21823120
>>21823127
past perfect tense is kino and i do not care what trannies think of the word "had"
not him

[Anonymous No.21823146]

>>21823112
I am not the schitzo story poster. I'm >>21823084

On reflection, I was unconscionably rude to you. For whatever dumb reason, I thought you were just bashing the schitzo story guy and got defensive for him and said some mean shit. It's been a long fucking day, and some people at work were rude as hell to me for no reason, so I think I was looking to vent. Obviously it wasn't the right thing to do, and obviously you were sharing some very crucial writing advice with him. I'd like to apologize in as much as an anon can on an anonymous forum.
>sorry anon

[Anonymous No.21823153]

>>21823139
you're only supposed to use had when you need to talk about even further in the past when you're already talking about the past.

[Anonymous No.21823157]

>>21823153
seems likes ret arded listicle bullshit desu senpai

[Anonymous No.21823160]

Worth a buy?

[Anonymous No.21823162]

>>21823153
>doesn't know what a grammar be do
k
>nooo you can't use adverbs
>noooooo aaaaa you can't use an em-dash aaaaa
>IS THAT A FUCKING SEMICOLON?! I'M LOSING MY MIND
like english isnt enough of a barren dogshit mush-mouth langauge, but then these retarded kikes want me to limit myself further and eschew half the fucking grammatical functions we even have. get the fuck over it, (((academics))). your midwittery is being overruled. i'll use whatever fucking punctuation marks and tenses I want.

[Anonymous No.21823172]

>>21823157
just look it up. That's why it exists.
>>21823162
calm your tits

[Anonymous No.21823176]

>>21823172
pretty sure that isn't why "had" exists you goon

[Anonymous No.21823177]

>>21823162
>>21823157
https://www.grammarly.com/blog/past-perfect/

[Anonymous No.21823186]

>>21823176
not the word, the form. had + past participle. Long ago, you'd sometimes use am + past participle for verbs that implied transition, I think. One still does that for German, today.

[Anonymous No.21823195]

>>21823172
i'm here to be angry about grammatical demands from fart-huffing jews and i am damned angry

[Anonymous No.21823201]

>>21823160
of course not. if you want to write sincere genreslop, or even tongue in cheek genreslop, just pick up a few books by a few different BIG NAMES and see what they do as far as pacing and character development. and not some dumbfuck paint by the numbers author like sanderson - choose one with SOVL

[Anonymous No.21823203]

tfw no one will tell you if the opener was any good or not because they are too busy arguing about grammar

Did it hook you in? That's mostly what I'm concerned about. My previous attempts about writing about a loser were deemed too boring.

[Anonymous No.21823205]

>>21823089
If you are implying in samefagging then you would be correct. I wasn't trying to pretend to be someone else.
I was just saying mine is the best thing that gets posted here.

[Anonymous No.21823214]

>>21823205
>ye I'm samefagging
>so what?

[Anonymous No.21823222]

>>21823205
it's bad
please stop embarassing yourself

[Anonymous No.21823226]

>>21823160
buy it and post the pdf so we can laugh

[Anonymous No.21823309]

>>21823222
No it's not. It's well written and maybe there are so things you don't like but I'll contend that something of equal quality has not been posted here in a long time.

[Anonymous No.21823344]

>>21823309
lmao

[Anonymous No.21823370]

>>21823344
Explain what's wrong, then.

[Anonymous No.21823374]

>>21823370
no
you've acted like a cock despite clearly being a beginner
get fucked idiot. have some humility or learn to teach yourself

[Anonymous No.21823421]

>only one reply to my schizopost again

I-it's OK, the small amount of feedback I get per thread as people post about how great or not great their stories are is fine...

[Anonymous No.21823427]

>>21820703
Here you go.
https://lampbylit.com/magazine/authors/

[Anonymous No.21823431]

>>21823421
what do you want feedback on? ill look at what you made right now

[Anonymous No.21823445]

>>21823427
Can you use this link for the Emily Project as well as the new cover?

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BFTWLL86

[Anonymous No.21823454]

>>21823431
I'm
>>21822874
and just tell me if the premise is interesting enough to keep on reading.

[Anonymous No.21823471]

>>21823454
no its isnt interesting. i lost interested the moment the narrative started to ramble (at the 4th sentence) and skimmed the rest
why did you write this

[Anonymous No.21823476]

>>21823427
you need to remove any connection to 4chan. We're all going to be known as right winged extremists writing shitty books!

[Anonymous No.21823479]

>>21823471
Basically the dude is going through some kinda psychotic break and he's acting schizo. I'm trying to make this into a hook about a story about a loser, but so far I've received mixed reviews about it all. I don't know. It's hard to write, I guess.

[Anonymous No.21823482]

>>21823479
youre not schizo. please write about something else than this

[Anonymous No.21823497]

>>21822874
so the problem with your opening paragraph is you have like 6 or 7 conspiracies in there and it's a jumbled mess. like, this should be the entirety of your first paragraph
>Jack knew the walls had been bugged since last Thursday. He had heard noises near the closet then, and he knew he was being watched. The noises had obviously been installation schemes for a camera and microphone system throughout his studio.
And all the rest of that shit should probably be dribbled out later.
You know the main problem, though? He's obviously totally, completely nuts. What you need to do is ease the reader in so that they could potentially, possibly think the guy may be onto something. Yeah, je's a little ecentric, but there may be something there. Instead your opening is a guy metaphorically smearing his feces all over himself. I made it to the sixth or seventh sentence.

[Anonymous No.21823507]

>>21823482
I dunno how else to start the story. Writing about a loser isn't very exciting and this is the only thing I can think of without trying to make it sound morose and dull.

[Anonymous No.21823516]

>>21823497
That's good feedback, anon. Thank you.

[Anonymous No.21823582]

>>21823476
The publication is called &amp by /lit/

[Anonymous No.21823585]

>>21823445
Absolutely. It will be solved by morning.

[Anonymous No.21823632]

>>21823507
don't listen to them anon.
not everyone is going to like it.
that's just how writing is.
your story can/will fill a desire for conspiracy focused characters. Make the whole story and publish it -- feedback from the market will give you a more thorough idea as to what worked and what didn't.
you're afraid. you're scared to commit a chunk of your life to a massive project. that's okay. but it's a major mistake to be swayed by every anon that you beg to comment on your intro.
>just stop asking people to comment and finish your story as a novel or novella so we can actually see your full potential instead of crippling yourself with asking tards to give you anonymous feedback

[Anonymous No.21823651]

>>21821561
Unironically would be the top read novel in RR or scribblehub.

[Anonymous No.21823660]

>>21822105
This is more likely what I'll have to do, it's just kind of a bummer to see that what you're interested in has been done before. Competently, I mean. If it was just shit pulp I wouldn't be so hesitant to add my own shit pulp kek.

[Anonymous No.21823683]

>>21822726
"In a realm distant and peculiar"
-trope intro, also not a good intro, not interesting. Open on an action shot maybe, also peculiar is a really weird word to use here. A strange and distant realm would be better

The prose isn't bad but it isn't particularly good either. It's passable, does it's function.

What's the story here? I need to see more of it to comment on the narrative, but right now a young woman offering to write down Argremu's stories does not immediately grab my attention

>>21822095
This has the same problem as the first chunk, prose is decent but what's going on is so damn vague. You have a bad habit of tell-not-showing
We know there's a message of hope in the bird's melody, but only because you told me it was there. I don't know shit about this birds song, you aren't painting a picture at all. There's no sensory data anywhere here

>>21822079
Ok this is better
I am reading as I type, I'm glad someone else noticed the show-don't-tell problem.
There is something a little basic about the journey of self-discovery, courage, and power of truth. This might be an overarching thing, but maybe something more original. The whole thing seems very trope-y, that might be fine for a children's story but it does feel like a million other things, so you might want to branch out and do something to take this in a direction of your own

Overall not bad, your prose is your strong-suit. Decent flow, maybe adding in a little interesting language could help but it does its job and I don't see any glaring issues.
The show-don't-tell is a huge problem, #1 thing you should work on, it's literally ruining your story. Paint a picture of scenes and actions, do dialogue for exposition, this style of just telling me what's happening isnt working
overarching story is hard to gauge but seems slightly bland

[Anonymous No.21823782]

>>21823660
>it's just kind of a bummer to see that what you're interested in has been done before.
Most fantasy worlds (the ones that aren't just derivative shit) are some kind of inspiration plus a bit of the author. Middle Earth draws from certain inspirations which I'm assuming you're also drawing from based on your comments, but Middle Earth also draws from Tolkien himself. His catholicism, his love of agriculture, his experiences in WW1, his dislike of industrialization and machines, etc.
You can't put Tolkien in your story, because he's dead and another person, but you can put yourself in there, and thats going to be the thing that makes it unique (for better or worse)

[Anonymous No.21823829]

>>21822874
Make the entire chapter about Jack executing his plan to shit where he eats, instead of having him think of it towards the end. That way he had a specific goal, even if it’s not revealed to the reader right away. This will give the whole chapter a kind of forward momentum emanating from Jack.

[Anonymous No.21823831]

>>21823683
The reason why it's triggering so many red flags as you read it is because it was chatgpt.
the fundamental issue with gpt is that it's all written in the same rhythm. It's incapable of actually creating a scene that makes sense, is thematic, progresses a story meaningfully. Characters are bland and generic. Actions are... dull. Descriptions are a series of things that merely.... are.
AI aggregates. It has a difficult time actually creating which is why it comes out reading like shit.

[Anonymous No.21823859]

Y'all dooming over AI generate books yet?

[Anonymous No.21823886]

>>21823859
No
I haven't seen it make anything good
Article about lit mags being spammed:
https://www.theverge.com/2023/2/25/23613752/ai-generated-short-stories-literary-magazines-clarkesworld-science-fiction

lit mags are getting spammed with chatgpt written short stories, but they're extremely easy to spot and not very good. these spams are coming from a certain country and it seems like it's people trying to make a quick buck. For anyone with any actual investment in writing, its obvious these stories would never make it into a lit mag, so they're just annoying to filter through

[Anonymous No.21823895]

redpill me on webnovels/online writing, and not from the perspective if anything is worth reading, but if it is worth writing
currently, i have only one issue with my writing, bar it sucking massive cock, that being that i dont write enough. i believe its a simple issue of having no real pressure to write and the logical conclusion is to give myself an external reason to write, for example, having people i never met type mean words to me for not writing.
i know im not even close to being published or anything like that, so online writing is the only thing that i could realistically do as of now. i just dont know anything about it.
do i write on some site specifically made for webfiction like webnovel.com? do i make my own website? do i sacrifice a baby goat? whats the play here?
im not doing it for money or clout. frankly, i just need to be flustered a bit. i guess the only preference i can ask for is that potential readers can find me, instead of me having to sell my excrement and advertise myself.

[Anonymous No.21823896]

>>21820399

fuck it imma share mine. I’m stuck on this one chapter and i cant fucking move on! I know that some writers suggest just plot it out and start where its fun. but I’ve been trying Stephen King and Murakami’s approach and it's good, but goddamn can't i not stop rewriting chapter one. So here it is: should i bail, rewrite, or just continue:

https://pastebin.com/uyrS5fHL

be harsh or something. this is my first time sharing my writings online.

[Anonymous No.21823899]

>>21823895
>having no real pressure to write and the logical conclusion is to give myself an external reason to write
Nigga, no. Either you write because you love it, or you don't. There is no external reason that would keep you going for longer than 2 weeks if you lack the drive.

[Anonymous No.21823903]

>>21823896
Is this supposed to make no sense?

[Anonymous No.21823913]

>>21823903
kind of. but i can tell it makes no sense in a different way from your perspective. Can you tell me what do you mean in detail? That would be really helpful

excuse: me an esl soemtimes what i wrote just doesn't work.

[Anonymous No.21823925]

>>21820583
Though you may or may not be the original Fitzgerald Anon, I thank you regardless. The more I write, the more I’ve come to enjoy editing. Stay strong brothers, for we only write badly for so long until we exhaust our badness and must thus write decently.

[Anonymous No.21823926]

>>21823899
the issue isnt that i give up writing, the issue is that i cant consistently sit down and write. key word consistently. when i do, i can write without a problem, but mostly i wake up, say 'right, time to write today!' then blink and its 2am and im closing football manager.

[Anonymous No.21824063]

>>21823896
>https://pastebin.com/uyrS5fHL
The exposition dump in the beginning is god awful
start with line 9:

56 nudged my left shoulder and whispered with a shaky voice
“Can you be sure?”

This is actually a really good opening line, already right off the bat we see the character is nervous, there's some intrigue with "56" as a name and "are you sure?"

After this you had a good opportunity for some exposition, rather than the dump in the beginning. "I glanced around the cramped room. Vents blew in cold air, leaving me shivering under the thin smock they'd given us to wear. No, I wasn't sure, but she didn't need to know that. Right now what she needed was reassurance, "Yes, absolutely"
Or replace whatever he says with something that would match his personality

Describing room gives some visual while also making the reader wonder why they're in such a place. Also gives insight into the character's personality. If you want, you can have the character considering why they're chosen to give some context. #1 rule is leave the reader wondering. Create intrigue then trickle feed explanations/solutions/answers whether you're divulging exposition or laying out plot points. Rest of this is actuallyr eally good at this, I like a lot of it. Only other thing that bothers me is your line breaks, it feels like a lot of these could be consolidated into bigger paragraphs.

There's also some lines that could be better,
"We carried our canvases and took a seat in the middle of the hall. Rather, in the middle of a stage. The room was luxurious beyond my imagination. Chandeliers sparkled everywhere, each one adorned with countless crystals. The ceiling was a masterpiece of art, depicting a fierce battle between earth and heaven."
Describe the battle, I'm not seeing shit with "a battle between heaven and earth. Maybe there's a battalion of horse-drawn chariots racing toward an army of angels, or god is raining down fire on a sea of anguished peasants, or anything, have fun with it. Ideally whatever picture you show is going to be symbolic for your overarching story, or set the mood for the scene. A lot of your descriptions are lacking, there's nothing to them. The language is also often basic, "Chandaliers sparkled everywhere" Once again, have fun. Twinkling shards of glass-blown crystals hung in long, tangling loops" or "Crystalline chandeliers hung from all corners of the room" Just anything to make this not so basic.

"The moment of truth arrived. The curtain drew back, revealing a board with ninety-nine numbers on it. They were arranged in a mysterious order: 42, 288, 295... 304... 302... 310... 46! A wave of relief washed over me. I made it..." I feel like you could replace "a wave of relief washed over me" with something that has some sensation to it. A sigh of relief and his shoulders slump, or just something to give some physical sensation to it.

Ending is great, makes me want to read next chapter

[Anonymous No.21824067]

>>21823782
Thanks anon. Refreshed me into looking at it from another perspective.

[Anonymous No.21824109]

>>21824063
Wonderful. I'm so that the ending landed. That's the part I rewrote the most. Thanks for the criticism; I agree that my descriptions are pretty basic. I've been aiming for at least a 6th-grade reading level (ease of reading is something you should aim for... right? correct me if I'm wrong). I tried to get to 5th, but it's so bad that I almost go back to the olden days of shutting myself up in my room playing eroge.

About the line 9 part, I did not realize that. Holy. Shit. You're right. Made me proud I wrote it. I'll rewrite the exposition and move it down.

>Describe the battle, I'm not seeing shit with "a battle between heaven and earth. Maybe there's a battalion of horse-drawn chariots racing toward an army of angels, or god is raining down fire on a sea of anguished peasants, or anything, have fun with it.

I tried, came off badly. Immediately deleted it. Maybe I should try to sleep on it. I mean, it's the first draft.

I want to reply point by point and show how much I've appreciated your input, but it will come off as very creepy. So I will just end it here and say thank you.

Oh, and about the next chapter... I don't have it. it's really scary touching something you've already rewrote over and over, i feel like writing myself into a corner; A lot of setups, i feel like anything i will write will fall off real flat. But this post gave me enough confidence boost, so i'll see what i can do.

[Anonymous No.21824214]

Sup wg.
Need your help. I'm writing a story about enemies-to-friends-to-lovers, and there's a dialogue where one of them runs off to join a rival organization to the one that the other character is in.
So, Character A is like "Guess this is goodbye."
Character B says, "No wtf, why?"
"I'm gonna be working for your enemies, so we can't be friends anymore."
"No! We can! This is just going to make our friendship even spicier. Every good relationship needs some spice to it, some tension. We'll be like... Like..."
"Like?"
"Damn... I wanted to give you a snappy pop culture reference, but the only thing that comes to mind is Romeo and Juliet, and that's not quite right, is it?"
"Like X and Y?" Character A suggests.

So, my question is, what would be an appropriate example for Character A to give here? Character A is into books, somewhat into movies, not at all into anime or vidya. Setting is contemporary urban fantasy type deal.

[Anonymous No.21824237]

>>21823913

>My number is 46
>It is 5 in the evening
>occupant of the 12th room
>While every one of my roommates is eligible, only 7 out of 12 orphans are
>All four of us took the test together
>They split us into groups of three
>they separated 13 from us
>There are 21 teams of threes
>56 nodded and 24 laughed
>56, the shortest in our group
>24 is the eldest and tallest

The piece reads like endless math problem. I have no idea what is important or if you're expecting me to memorize all that, and it's confusing as fuck.

[Anonymous No.21824241]

>>21820845
Here’s an idea. 90% of fantasy stories lazer focus on pseudomedieval period. Why not explore a different period.

And not just put a coat of paint but actually explore stuff characteristic for whatever period you choose. If you go with renaissance for instance focus on exploration, the explosion of art and the liberation from religion.

[Anonymous No.21824248]

>>21824214
Bella and Edward? That reference might be kind of dated but I can't think of a more recent pop culture book couple

[Anonymous No.21824251]

>>21824237
>The piece reads like endless math problem. I have no idea what is important or if you're expecting me to memorize all that, and it's confusing as fuck.

Ah yes, some of that are important and some are just hacks until I figured out which one I will use later on. My outline is pretty rough and changes a lot. I spend quite a lot of time pondering which number to choose that will fit the story better.

But I fixed it! don't worry. Though I feel it is important for foreshadowing, I, later on, realize that it is just needless clutter.

I've rewritten the exposition parts so it is more natural, and have ditched the simplistic way of writing which makes it harder to read.

[Anonymous No.21824271]

>>21824248
The point is, Character A kinda maybe wants to take their relationship into romantic territory, but not Character B. So the example they would give would actually be of a friendship of this kind.

[Anonymous No.21824290]

>>21824271
Sorry, the other way around. B wants romance, A doesn't yet.

[Anonymous No.21824297]

>>21823370
It's chatbot garbage. Please desist shitposting.

[Anonymous No.21824305]

>>21823651
Porn typically doesn't do well on RR.

[Anonymous No.21824319]

>>21823895
Twice a year royal road has a writing challenge. They post a list of who writes the most in the month. It would be a good time to try sticking to a schedule. Also, readers will be more forgiving of errors because they understand it's a writing challenge.

[Anonymous No.21824433]

>>21822021
You not getting any feedback is the feedback. You'll notice that the number of replies is mostly, and excluding bait, promotional to the quality of the work. But no one has bothered to even read your writing.

[Anonymous No.21824667]

>>21824319
this is a good shout. thanks

[Anonymous No.21824678]

>Hasn't written anything in a week
>Jacks off
>Gets sad
>Resumes writing

[Anonymous No.21824680]

>>21824319
Did they not pre-write and schedule? What is the limitation put in place to prevent this?

[Anonymous No.21824742]

Is writing the lore of your world first kinda important to the outline stage of your story? I kinda wanted to do natural world building but I want the lore fully realized before.

[Anonymousn No.21824764]

>>21824742
Just dive into the story first, because:
(1) from my experience, I'm much more creative when I'm in the thick of the story and seeing unexpected connections emerge between specific details than when I'm trying to create some abstract high-level overview; and
(2) because having a finished story will always be more creatively satisfying than having a sprawling lore document that you never get round to turning into an actual finished work.

[Anonymous No.21824770]

>>21824680
None. It's just for fun. There's no prizes of anything.

[Anonymous No.21824811]

>>21820583
thank you

[Anonymous No.21824859]

https://pastebin.com/jxdhXSuM

[Anonymous No.21824902]

>>21824742
depends, I find with fantasy it's more fun to roll with things and make discoveries as you write
with science fiction I like it more structured

[Anonymous No.21824918]

>>21823896
What is this conversation? What are they even trying to say?
56: Can you be sure?
46: Let’s hope for the best, okay?
24: You’re such a worrier! Don’t be. I kept an eye on our stuff.
46: You should take it easier. Seriously, how much did you sleep last night?
24: Ahaha.
56: Ah, it would be nice if they chose us though
24: Hey, what’s your plan once outside?
56: I don’t know. Maybe look for my parents. I wonder… Ah sorry, Did I say that out loud?
24: You should daydream less. How much did you sleep last night?
46: Hey, can I help? I don’t know what I’ll do outside so I think... Maybe tagging along until I figured out something I want to do would be nice.
24: True. It would be nice to have a guide. Don’t forget to bring us to that bakery you’re always talking about.
46: Ahh, that would be nice. I’ve always dreamed of eating Wompa donuts.

[Anonymous No.21824942]

Is erotica okay here? I know it's a blue board so I'm just being sure

[Anonymous No.21824947]

For me, it's Ticonderoga.

[Anonymous No.21824948]

>>21824947
based writes-on-paper chad

[Anonymous No.21824954]

>>21824948
It is habit. I can type at 95wpm but at work I'm in the field a lot. My older co worker threw out all my pens my first week on the job and handed me a pack of pencils, "You'll be erasing too much for those."

[Anonymous No.21824959]

>>21824859
Your tad the goblin story really needs to be placed on Royal road instead of here.

[Anonymous No.21824962]

>>21823585
Thanks! Awesome website.

[Anonymous No.21824969]

Finished latest draft of 26k novella. Could do with some touch ups / cleaning up before publishing. But also feel unsure what I should do next with it.

There's lot of promotion I could do for it, but I guess I need to handle the cover, hire an editor, etc. Maybe get some beta readers.

[Anonymous No.21824983]

>>21824678
>edge for days
>write smut with one hand for hours
>legs go numb and head hurts from the lack of blood
>cum
>loose interest in story
>days past
>repeat

[Anonymous No.21825001]

>>21824959
It’s on Scribble Hub and Royal Road.
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/436962/a-hero-among-monsters/
That’s draft 2 revision 2, though. I’ve been posting it here for feedback as I’ve progressed through revision 3, although I don’t know why I’ve bothered. You people have nothing to contribute. All you idiots do is try to discourage me with snide remarks.

[Anonymous No.21825005]

So, my following on Royalroad isn't nothing, but the feedback I get is very slim. They seem to basically be on board with me doing whatever I feel like, which means even a radical shift in characters, style, and tone hasn't jarred anybody to the point of complaining.

So I come here to see if anyone can shed some light on my shortcomings.

I wrote an epistolery style story, primarily as journalings from the main character which is very very hard to maintain pacing and anticipation I learned. It also required me to jump from style to style based on the document and the author. Beta readers enjoyed it, but that doesn't mean I wrote it perfect. I've been releasing it "chapter" by "chapter" and gotten no complaints.

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/49395/the-undying-emperor-grand-conquest-fantasy/chapter/1113090/35-1-fallen-crest-abbey

(Yes this is deep in an ongoing story but you really don't NEED to know what happened before)

[Anonymous No.21825053]

>>21824742
lore is the lowest rung on the fantasy story importance hierarchy. You should create characters, a story, and a setting first, then create lore that matches the tone you're going for.

[Anonymous No.21825061]

>>21824742
>lore
go back to /tg/, crust-dick

[Anonymous No.21825071]

>>21825053
>>21825061
I don’t get you retards. Who shit on lore and yet consider developing fictional language a top priority.

[Anonymous No.21825077]

>>21825001
You write more in a month than the crabs do in a year. Keep going anon.

[Anonymous No.21825078]

>>21825001
I agree. There's a point where one must leave /wg/. Which is when you finish writing a book you're happy with.

[Anonymous No.21825090]

>>21825001
I could give you advice, but it depends on whether you're writing for your own sake. Because the short of it is that your prose is fine, definitely good enough to attract an audience, but the premise isn't popular. A YA adventure story about a goblin doesn't have much of a market. A bigger one in tradpub, maybe, but not RR/SH/other serial sites.

So take solace that your writing is fine. You just wrote something people don't want to read. Your summary doesn't catch readers' attentions because of content, not quality. I don't say that to discourage or crab. It's the reality of the situation.

I'd be happy to provide more advice, but first you need to explain what you want out of critique, or writing in general. Are you trying to get popular? I write web serials and make OK side money (~1200/m), so I'm not talking totally out of my ass, even if I'm far from the most successful. But most of what I have to say applies to marketability. Your writing is fine by the standard of web serials. A notch above, even. (Though I'd use less exclamation points.)

[Anonymous No.21825093]

>>21824859
You the dorky goblin story guy? Glad to see you're still doing it. I second the royal road recommendation.

[Anonymous No.21825095]

>>21825071
>Who shit on lore
I'm not shitting on it, I'm just saying that its the least important part of your story. The number of people who want to read about fantasy adventures and compelling characters is pretty high, whereas the number of people who want to read basically wikipedia articles about things that don't exist are much fewer, so you should focus your attention accordingly.
>consider developing fictional language a top priority.
This is also lore and is thus not very important.

[Anonymous No.21825096]

>>21825090
>A YA adventure story about a goblin doesn't have much of a market.
I disagree with this. It's niche, but the nice thing about niche is you don't have as much competition. You just have to find your people.

[Anonymous No.21825098]

Slippery is my horse with eight legs, when we ride we are one, continents look up at us towering over them. Spear is my adopted father with eight kingdoms, we took the world together on a thousand horses. When he died I inherited a kingdom on the mouth of a large river. The Teacher's Mouth was founded by wise people that are gone now, without them I wouldn't know how to read or write but nothing I read explains where they went.

[Anonymous No.21825102]

>>21825005
Wtf I know you from /ic/ lol

[Anonymous No.21825107]

>>21825001
Wtf I know you from /ic/

[Anonymous No.21825122]

>>21825098
>Slippery is my horse with eight legs
is this a reference to odin and sleipnir?

[Anonymous No.21825133]

>>21825090
Please have any idea what you're talking about
One of the most successful stories on RR is a YA adventure about a goblin
Christ

[Anonymous No.21825138]

>>21825096
This argument can be applied to any genre, however niche, and it's a fact some genres perform massively better than others. YA fantasy (especially so pointedly YA, like the summary and overall feel of this story suggests) doesn't perform on SH/RR. Maybe there's one or two big ones? But honestly I can't even think of one. Can you? Depends on the definition of 'big', I guess. But that's why I asked what the author's goals are. Trying to make a living writing? I doubt this niche gets him anywhere.

[Anonymous No.21825144]

>>21825133
I guess I'm misinformed. What's the name? I know of some goblin stories but not with such a strong air of 'meant for teenagers'.

[Anonymous No.21825150]

Does 'Novus Terra Nullius' mean what I want it to?

[Anonymous No.21825166]

>>21825144
Iron teeth or something. I checked for it on the top list and couldn't find so I guess it dropped in the last 2 or so years
Nonetheless, if your vision of these sites are that only the lowest of the low quality garbage is allowed, you're the problem. RR gets along with pretty much all fiction fine, it just depends on if you can network and promote to get it seen in the first place

[Anonymous No.21825175]

>>21825150
new earth for no one? And terra is feminine. I think the romans would have written it Nullius Terra Nova

[Anonymous No.21825178]

>>21825166
Anon ... I know about Iron Teeth. Please go read the summary. https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/4293/the-iron-teeth-a-goblins-tale

Compare that to anon's goblin story. The difference in tone is night and day.

You really shouldn't attack me about not knowing what I'm talking about when you can't see the difference in genre.

Also, I know /wg/ starts foaming at the mouth whenever writing to market is discussed, and it's why I didn't make the assumption it was anon's goal. It's why I asked.

Are you goblin anon? I'm trying to be civil, so you're being a hypocrite if so, after just attacking others for being rude.

[Anonymous No.21825180]

>>21825093
Dorky? Anyway, it’s on Royal Road already https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/51796/a-hero-among-monsters
>>21825107
Yeah, they hate me there, too. Just as I’m the worst artist on /ic/ I’m the worst writer in /wg/. >>21825090
I think my goal would be a way of making my work more traditionally refined. I know I seriously lack certain elements that I should have such as: clear traits (strengths, weaknesses, wants) in my main characters (Tad and Ayara, who often come off as just along for the ride). I’ve received complaints multiple times that my opening chapters fail to provide any hook for continuing to read the book. I don’t think my plotting is bad, but telegraphing it is lacking.

[Anonymous No.21825182]

>>21825175
I was looking for something close to "New Unmastered Land" or "Land Newly Unmastered" to use as a working title for a post-apoc thing. But I have literally no functional knowledge of latin — a few root words here and there doesn't make me able to conjugate or construct phrases

[Anonymous No.21825183]

>>21825122
Spear is Atilla, the kingdom is Kiev and the vanished people are ancient Greeks and pre-Greeks conflated. He thinks they're gone because he romanticizes the past to the point of elevating them to godhood which he doesn't see reflected in his contemporaries despite the same thing later happening where others romanticize him to the point of godhood. This is the entire story not an outline, it's finished now. The End.

[Anonymous No.21825191]

>uncommon usages of a word
yay or nay? if it's technically correct but oatmeal-brains would get confused.

[Anonymous No.21825197]

>>21825178
I'm not the writer of the goblin story. I'm just tired of retarded 101 business students saying retarded shot
I read Iron Teeth. I'm the dumbass you dipshit girl bosses are trying to write to
It's a trite power fantasy about a goblin growing stronger, outside the expected litRPG style
The reason trying to be a market fucker pisses people off, is because the mentality fucks the market. Your sage wisdom on how to sell shitty garbage is not only misplaced and wrong, but due to its pervasiveness the source of issues in the first place

[Anonymous No.21825213]

>>21825197
You're assuming way too much. I'm not suggesting writing to market is the 'right thing' to be doing. If people want to write for the art of it, that's admirable. But some people like reading genre fiction, and plenty of people like writing it, too.

Though, I can tell there's no point talking to you. Some anons are just unwell.

[Anonymous No.21825220]

>>21825191
Depends on the word, but I generally like it. I use the word "bale" a lot in my norse mythology fanfic to mean evil deed rather than a bale of hay. Seeing as everyone now has a phone with instant access to the internet, they can easily just look stuff up if they're confused.

[Anonymous No.21825222]

>>21825182
I took 4 years of latin in highschool. maybe use Libertus, which is the latin word for freeman, aka not a slave. You may not like the sound of it, though, it sounds like a tinpot african state. Invicta means unconquered or invincible. So Terra Nova Invicta, or something like that

[Anonymous No.21825227]

>>21825213
You're telling a writer that their genre won't succeed in a space where it will. Why? To take you in good faith, you're an idiot. To take you in bad faith, you're deliberately giving harmful advice
Don't join discussions and keep your opinion to yourself. Your framework has rotten your perceptions

[Anonymous No.21825232]

>>21825227
And what's a widely successful RR story with a similar tone to what anon posted? Just one example will do.

[Anonymous No.21825236]

>>21825180
IS trad not a dork?

[Anonymous No.21825247]

>>21825222
>Invicta means unconquered or invincible.
That seems to be directly opposing what I'm going for. The land has been conquered but by non-human agents. I knew the legal term meant something like land without an owner, which is why I started there.

[Anonymous No.21825249]

>>21825182
Or don't use a latin title because it's kinda lame. How about just the english title No Man's Land because it is post apocolyptic. undoubtedly that title's already been used, but who cares

[Anonymous No.21825250]

>>21825247
>I knew the legal term meant something like land without an owner
the commons?

[Anonymous No.21825256]

>>21825249
Do Land of the Lost

[Anonymous No.21825258]

>>21825232
You're a wildly annoying little cuck you know that? You ever been told that you, you little rhetoritician bitch?
If your qualifier is YA, how about Trailer Trash. Or if you hate our writers so much, Delve is YA as fuck and is fantasy adventure YA
If your qualifier is the wildly subjective and undefined "tone" you can fuck right off for being a squirmy, side stepping bitch

[Anonymous No.21825260]

>>21825256
but then he'd have to include dinosaurs. but that may be a fun way to go

[Anonymous No.21825261]

>>21825250
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terra_nullius

>>21825249
Yeah, I just got the idea in my head for it, and now I'm procrastinating my real writing trying to nail down something I am likely to replace anyway.

[Anonymous No.21825268]

>>21825258
lmao you can't see the differences between Trailer Trash and Delve (really? a number crunchy litrpg? that's one of your counterpoints?) and this innocent goblin adventure romp. There's no point in talking to you.

[Anonymous No.21825277]

>>21825268
I read delve you little cuck. Be as vague and hide behind genre terms as much as you like, I've read these stories and know their contents
I hope goblin anon blows up and your little bitch ass wannabe patron baron stays in the side stream play pens

[Anonymous No.21825288]

>>21825261
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terra_nullius
>international law
Ah, I'm a burger, so that would explain why I've never heard it before.
Anyway, what about "The uncondemned"? Condemned in burgerlaw means it belongs to the government, so uncondemned would mean the opposite I guess.

[Anonymous No.21825321]

>>21825288
I'm also a burger; I've just spent half my life on wikipedia reading about everywhere and everything at a surface level.
Uncondemned sounds kind of like a return to grace story, rising out of the ashes. Might be too optimistic of a premise. Think I'm going to go with 'Land of the Damned' for now, at least. It should be good enough since I don't even have a single word written yet. Thanks for the help.

[Anonymous No.21825406]

>>21825321
>I don't even have a single word written yet.
bro.... I can't say I'm surprised, but I am disappointed. how about instead of something meaningless like a title you work on your mc and have him start doing shit in chapter 1

[Anonymous No.21825412]

>>21825406
I'm starting to recognize posters by the weird advice they always give beginners

[Anonymous No.21825423]

>>21825412
>weird advice
>telling him to start actually writing his story

[Anonymous No.21825430]

>>21825423
Are you the "just put two people in a room" sperg?

[Anonymous No.21825438]

>>21825423
I see
>write your mc doing shit
More often than I feel like I should
Stories are more than a the mc and their actions. Fine advice as any for a beginner since literally any writing at all is more productive for them than thinking about writing, just a weird angle to see repeatedly brought up
Feels like a mantra or something

[Anonymous No.21825439]

>>21825430
nah, that's not me. putting words on the page is what counts. not worldbuilding or daydreaming or procrastinating or doing market research. it's putting words on the page

[Anonymous No.21825444]

>>21825406
I have some notes and a mental plan for the first three chapters, but I do not have anything written that's going to end up being read yet. I had some indeterminant time to kill today, and I wasn't going to get invested into writing when in five minutes, I might have to walk out the front door, so I spent it on a title.

[Anonymous No.21825452]

>>21825438
when I read the same exact questions repeated over and over in these threads it gets annoying
case in point >>21821620
this guy has asked this same question now for the last 3 or 4 thread. same fucking thing. it's fucking annoying. there's the other example of the guy asking about elemental dragons, and now it's elemental weapons. same fucking thing. it's fucking annoying.
now here's someone agonizing over the title of a book that doesn't even have a first word, let alone a first chapter. shit's fucking annoying

[Anonymous No.21825459]

>>21825438
Don’t we have a lot of those?
“Kill your darlings.” “Show, don’t tell.” “Save the cat.”

[Anonymous No.21825483]

>>21825005
Royal Road readers read the most dumb of things, honestly. So they will eat any garbage you throw at them.

[Anonymous No.21825606]

Got it. Kill the Karlings. Snow don't smell. Shave the hat.

[Anonymous No.21825616]

>>21825606
I'm with you on killing the Karlings, West Francia will be mine soon enough

[Anonymous No.21825669]

>>21825438
>>write your mc doing shit
I give that advice sometimes, usually because there's some really dull prologue only tangentially related to the real story and including lots of unpronounceable unrememberable names. I don't claim it's the only right answer, but it's solid advice for most genre fic.

[Anonymous No.21825678]

>>21825616
Based Merovingian.

[Anonymous No.21825703]

>>21825439
I wouldn't put it like that, but without the words on the page bit everything else is indeed meaningless.

[Anonymous No.21825740]

What to do if you are not sure what genre your story is? What do you call it? How do you market it?

My book I recently finished I've been classifying as a mystery as it certainly starts that way, but then it gets into fantasy, drama, touches of horror and maybe even sci-fi as the reader will eventually realize their world seems modern but that's only because its way in the future after an apocalyptic event where the world is finally catching up to her current level of technology.

*exhales*

Anyway, I have no idea what genre it actually is and therefore I don't know what communities to advertise to.

[Anonymous No.21825776]

>>21825740
Begone, sell-out. Talking about marketing strategy and genre isn't allowed on /wg/. This board is for starving artists only. Never consider your audience and write only what you want, otherwise you've lost your soul.

[Anonymous No.21825782]

>>21825776
This but unironically

[Anonymous No.21825789]

>>21825740
Just lie. Genre is a meme and is purely for the comfort of consumers who don't want to feel challenged. Fortunately once they're on board, most people will stick around for a well written story
>>21825776
Please just have sex you little freak

[Anonymous No.21825801]

>>21825740
>mystery as it certainly starts that way, but then it gets into fantasy, drama, touches of horror and maybe even sci-fi
take the easy route and just call it a thriller

[Anonymous No.21825811]

>>21825789
What does sex have anything to do with what he’s saying.

[Anonymous No.21825833]

>>21825811
Sex has nothing to do with it
Absence of sex is the issue

[Anonymous No.21825848]

>>21825833
Stop having sex.

[Anonymous No.21825852]

>>21825789
It's so funny you accused me of giving harmful advice then insist genre is a meme. It's not even my advice. It's the advice of a huge majority of successful genre writers. You could accuse me of being soulless, but I specifically asked if economic success was the anon's goal, and you had a mental breakdown.

Do you even have enough financial success of your own to be making these wild claims (which are out of synch with the huge majority of genre writers)? Like, Jesus. This board really is cancer. I respect the opinion to stay true to the art but insisting writing to market is a meme is one of the most retarded things I've read. I just hope anyone who wants to write for a living isn't dumb enough to listen.

[Anonymous No.21825877]

>>21825852
It's a meme bro
All the patterns and commonalities are derived from the idea that a writer should conform to patterns and genre
Not only were you wrong, but on retarded, poorly explained terms which you used to side step being challenged for being an idiot

[Anonymous No.21825893]

>>21825877
It's not a "me" opinion. It's the overwhelming advice of successful genre writers. Exceptions happen, but most authors who make money write to market. They consider their audience and adapt their story to it.

Really, though. You aren't just some random, right? You write successful fiction of some sort? Because this is really sad if not.

[Anonymous No.21825907]

>>21825893
>some random
Lmao. You're a goofy guy. I have my shit in mags and a couple contests wins but no, I don't write generic because I have a day job and find the idea of reducing my creative effort to fit in with market expectations demeaning
Genre is purely a marketing trick. It does very little to nothing to describe content and is purely for the sake of helping persuade consumers into buying your shit

[Anonymous No.21825908]

>>21825776
I did write it for myself and only after the fact did I realize I have no idea how to present it to others.

>>21825789
Thanks, that's reassuring at least. Actually, it takes place in Japan so I guess I could just market it to anime communities and call it a light novel (though its 110k words)

>>21825801
I was thinking that as well. I also considered young adult as there is no sex and minimal cursing, but I think my plot is a bit headier than is usually searched for in a young adult book.

[Anonymous No.21825919]

>>21825852
>I just hope anyone who wants to write for a living isn't dumb enough to listen.
If they are dumb enough to listen to that, then they are too dumb to write a decent book anyway.

While I somewhat agree with the other anon he is still being a giant dripping douche nozzle.

[Anonymous No.21825921]

>>21825908
>young adult
if women are your target audience then calling it young adult wouldn't be a bad choice

[Anonymous No.21825926]

>>21825907
So your total lack of market success supersedes the vast majority of career authors who contradict what you're saying. Thank you for making this discussion clear.

I respect the desire to create art without regard for anyone else. But respectfully, you've shown yourself as one of the biggest retards on the board.

I'm going to go write (it'll be my dayjob shortly).

Have a nice one, anon.

[Anonymous No.21825938]

>>21823445
>https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BFTWLL86
Fixed. Thanks for the heads up.
https://lampbylit.com/magazine/k-k-wing/

[Anonymous No.21825941]

>>21825921
Does young adult sell well to a female audience? I wasn't aware of that.

My book probably will resonate with women better, but I think a male audience can enjoy it just as well.

[Anonymous No.21825960]

>>21825926
You're not the rhetoritician you think you are. It's entirely reductive to think in terms of genre, and dipshit retarded to tell a genre fiction writer that they don't belong where they're posting they're work when the places they're posting are perfectly suitable
Act smug as you like, but ultimately your "advice" is serving only to your preconceived notions and sharing them is only to the end of dragging people to your level
Writers should write for the integrity of their work and then convince their market to come to them
Writing trend chasing genreshlock is a fine job, but you should assume your peers to be writing to cultivate their own ability and share their stories, not so they can wage in mediocrity

[Anonymous No.21825971]

So, I wrote a short 11 page story. I would say it's maybe a bit Kafkaesque. I don't know where to post it to get feedback. It's in portuguese.
>>21825782
>hunger artist
One of my faves.

[Anonymous No.21825973]

>>21825941
women read 60% of books and
>By some market estimates, nearly 70 percent of all YA titles are purchased by adults between the ages of 18 and 64. Of course, some of those are parents, but, assuming that the majority of actual young adults, who are old enough to make their own book purchases, a lot of "non-young adults" are reading those teen books.
How old is your mc? If it's in the YA range then you may want to go with that.

[Anonymous No.21826003]

>>21825973
Yeah mc is a 14 year old girl, plus she has a single-mother power mom.
If what you're saying is true then young adult may be the way to go.
For some reason I assumed young adult meant it was mainly read by minors and weird dudes in their 30s

[Anonymous No.21826007]

>>21825973
This is funny when you consider the shitflinging about genre in this thread right now. Just because a protagonist is young the book has to be of the young adult genre. Harry Potter and Lord of the Flies are one and the same just because of the age of the protagonists.

[Anonymous No.21826023]

>Goblin anon right now.

[Anonymous No.21826069]

As the sun set over the mucky-muck below, a castle made of clouds loomed high above. Within its walls sat Wonderboy, a hero with powers beyond imagination. He had been tasked with protecting the kingdom from all manner of dangers, and he did so with pride and skill.

But as Wonderboy sat atop his throne, he couldn't help but feel a restlessness stirring within him. He knew that there was more to life than simply battling evil and saving the day. He longed for adventure, for something that would truly test his limits and push him to his very edge.

It was then that a voice echoed through the halls of the castle, calling out to Wonderboy from far below. At first, he paid it no mind, assuming it to be nothing more than the mucky-muck man seeking his aid once again.

But as the voice grew louder and more insistent, Wonderboy knew that he had to investigate. He descended from his throne, his cape billowing behind him, and made his way through the castle's many twisting corridors and hidden passages.

Finally, he emerged into the open air, gazing out at the world below with a sense of awe and wonder. And there, far off in the distance, he saw a figure beckoning to him, a figure with powers comparable to his own.

Wonderboy knew that this was the adventure he had been waiting for, the challenge that would truly test his mettle. With a deep breath and a fierce determination, he spread his wings and took to the skies, ready to face whatever lay ahead.

[Anonymous No.21826078]

>>21826069
Based modern fairytale writer

[Anonymous No.21826111]

>>21826069
I don't have to read word to recognize the openai structure.

[Anonymous No.21826113]

>>21826007
>write a chud story
>give it a teen protagonist and market it as YA
>women flock to buy your book
>there's nothing they can do to stop the proliferation of your finished book
>dodge the review bombing backlash by creating a new handle and doing it again
wtf genrefags are based?

[Anonymous No.21826115]

>>21826003
>weird dudes in their 30s
nope catladies

[Anonymous No.21826134]

>>21826078
>>21826111
But it's a Tenacious D song

[Anonymous No.21826140]

>>21826134
And tenacious D wrote modern fairytales

[Anonymous No.21826344]

My dumbass had this great idea for a story.
Kept coming up with more angles to it.
Got more and more excited about its depth.
Took a step back and thought about it for a moment.
Realized it was just pokemon without the gyms.

[Anonymous No.21826393]

I'm afraid to put my work out there.

It's my first novel and no one has ever read any of my writing. I have 0 idea of what to expect.

You don't need to reply to this post, I'm just venting.

[Anonymous No.21826396]

>come up with cool angle to a fantasy story I'm writing
>Normally monsters roam wild in the world, some are dangerous but some are calm and can even be kept as pets
>Most monsters are similar to animals in our world
>There are scholars who dedicate themselves to studying the monsters
>Mc has a unique ability to communicate with monsters, so the scholars ask him help them by going on an adventure to try to tame some monsters they have little data about
>They give him a magic book to document his travels which will send the information directly to them back at the city.
>Boy learns to tame the monsters and is able to put them inside the book until he needs to summon them to aid himself.

>I was feeling super proud of my unique concept and was excited to get started.
>Take a step back
>Realize it's just pokemon without the gyms

>Fuck

[Anonymous No.21826403]

>>21826393
however low your expectations, they aren't low enough
first time will be rough. glbro

[Anonymous No.21826407]

>>21825183
>Kiev
*Kyiv

[Anonymous No.21826447]

>>21826396
if the writing is good then it doesn't really matter much.
Despite what pokemon is, you spend most of the games battling other people instead of actually understanding the monsters and how they fit the ecosystem.
There are a million fantasy stories about the chosen hero or being transported to another world, yet each of them is not the same story even if they have concepts that tie them together.
I hope you do write your story because I find the idea of an ecosystem that actually makes sense with these monsters interesting.
I've written some of this myself, but because I don't want to bog down my story with lore dumps I keep them more in my head, bringing them up as it is natural to do so.
>>21826393
I had the opposite issue.
Putting out the first chapter was easy, it was the comments I got after that pointing out the flaws in my writing that crushed me even if they were almost all positive.
I went months without updating my story and eventually I just went back through the 80 chapters I had already written to bring them in line with what my story had become tonally and to clear up little things that sounded good at the time but had wider implications.
Now I have been consistently putting out chapters and my readers haven't pointed out new inconsistencies or grammatical errors which is nice.

[Anonymous No.21826462]

>>21826407

[Anonymous No.21826487]

>>21826447
>it was the comments I got after that pointing out the flaws in my writing that crushed me even if they were almost all positive.
what do you mean "even if they were almost all positive"?
also, what genre do you write?

[Anonymous No.21826497]

>>21826487
wait nevermind, ignore this part
>what do you mean "even if they were almost all positive"?
i misread your post

[Anonymous No.21826592]

>>21824918
i'ts supposed to convey the character's nervousness. My mind always jumps from one topic to another in a semi random way when i'm nervous. I tried to show the character's personality through the small window i have. I can see that i failed when you wrote it like a screenplay though. Hmmm maybe it's a good practice to write out the dialogue like that first?

[Anonymous No.21826598]

>>21826447
>I hope you do write your story because I find the idea of an ecosystem that actually makes sense with these monsters interesting.
Thanks anon, you don't know how much you actually just inspired me to pick this project back up.

[Anonymous No.21826607]

>>21826592
This might help you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIqrWXeiFUs&ab_channel=FilmCourage

[Anonymous No.21826608]

>>21826407
*Kænugarður (boatmarket)

[Anonymous No.21826615]

>>21825277
>'I read Delve'
Into the trash (you) go.

[Anonymous No.21826675]

>>21826607
Thanks, anon. I'm downloading that video and the one in the OP. I don't have time to watch it yet, but I will before my next writing session; maybe it will help my writing quality,

[Anonymous No.21826853]

>>21820552
Average jrpg plot

[Anonymous No.21826869]

>>21826615
To be fair it was a discussion on what's appropriate for and does well on RR
>he only reads classics and not everything he can get his hands on
Pretty cringe desu senpai

[Anonymous No.21826889]

>>21826497
I write fantasy.
I've never written before so I went with the genre that I often read.
I am writing as a way to use my time and to improve my mental health as after years of doctors visits I do not believe that my body is going to be how it once was and spending my day not doing anything I consider productive is torture.
To give a little more context to my worry over comments, it is just illogical, but for some reason I dread the idea of someone writing a massive comment or review that tears down everything I've done and makes it feel like a waste of time.
Any criticism that I have received I have taken well and decide for myself if it is genuine so it really is just a silly fear that somehow somebody is going to convince me that I am actually a failure of a human being just because I used a semicolon instead of a period once.
>>21826598
Even if I can't always give advice for writing as I consider myself a beginner after only about 9 months of serious writing, I am glad to hear I can inspire you.
Sometimes all it takes is one bad day to fall into despair, but sometimes it is just one comment from someone to stop that free fall.

[Anonymous No.21826962]

>>21826396
I was halfway through this when I was thinking "This kind of sounds like pokemon" lmao

[Anonymous No.21826968]

>write first draft on paper
>about as amateur as first drafts get, misplaced words, infinite filtering, not enough detail, etc.
>type first draft on paper
> though still amateur, is noticably better. words aren’t misused or misplaced, filtering becomes much less common, there’s as much detail as needed, etc.

This really shouldn’t matter, since my second draft will always be much better than either, but I’m curious as to why this happens. I first started writing on a computer, because my handwriting was so terrible even I couldn’t read it, and by the time I could barely make out the scribbble: I’d already been typing for over a decade. On a side note, I’ve noticed that the first draft does have a tendency to improve so long as you read the works of those you admire, and after some copywork.

[Anonymous No.21827050]

>>21826889
>but for some reason I dread the idea of someone writing a massive comment or review that tears down everything I've done and makes it feel like a waste of time.
if you're truly passionate about your work and you invest the time into writing a book filled with that same passion, then the worst thing anyone can tell you is that your ultimate execution is flawed, because people fundamentally like to see something with heart. And, in the worst case scenario, if it does wind up being the case that your execution is bad, then you resolve that through editing.

[Anonymous No.21827069]

>>21826869
I've read it, its shit.
>if you lasted more then 50 shapters and think its worth reading more you should not put out any literature

[Anonymous No.21827083]

>>21827069
I've read about 100 chapters of it
>he only reads things that aren't shit
Shiggy

[Anonymous No.21827134]

>>21827069
I couldn't read past ten. People complain that it started out well, but then went off the rails, but I found it boring from the start. The main character gets isekaied and then does odd jobs like magically vacuuming up sewer poop.

[Anonymous No.21827156]

>>21827134
I just looked up and read a little of Delve. I hate this style of writing so much...

[Anonymous No.21827159]

>>21827156
Just another point in goblin anons favor

[Anonymous No.21827195]

>>21827159
Is this by him? I genuinely don't know who the hell goblin anon is besides what he posts on /ic/

[Anonymous No.21827206]

>>21827195
Hes writing something for RR. There was a discussion (shit fight) on genre and whether his work would do well on RR or not

[Anonymous No.21827223]

I'm going to a book launch party of some literally who in my area
Any networking tips? What kind of questions should I ask?
Do I have to buy a copy of their shitty book?

[Anonymous No.21827255]

I can write well but I don't know the structure of a scene or a chapter. Family and friends say I should just go for it, but whenever I write I feel like a moron. I in-media-res something until I feel like a scene is happening and then try to tie it into a shadow of bigger plot I'll figure out later. Then I scrap it.

[Anonymous No.21827688]

>>21827255
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scene_and_sequel

[Anonymous No.21827698]

Question for the thread: What's a common mistake that you wish writers would stop making?

[Anonymous No.21827761]

>>21827698
When a character is stuttering it's not
"T-thats..."
It's
"Th-thats..."
Not
"S-shut up!"
It's
"Sh-shut up!"

[Anonymous No.21827774]

>>21824214
James Carville and Mary Matalin?
They're married, but he works for Democrats, she works for Republicans.
Too obscure? Too Boomer?

[Anonymous No.21827776]

>>21827698
Introducing too much at once or giving full-length scenes to unfamiliar characters, such that the reader either gets confused or simply doesn't care about what they're being shown.
It takes some amount of dedicated exposure for a character to stick in the reader's memory, and a lot of exposure for the reader to actually care about that character.
I think this is a big part of why low-talent writers can do so well and why isekai is so successful as a genre.

With isekai, the reader follows a protagonist who starts out knowing nothing, and the reader also knows nothing.
By nature, isekai causes the reader and the protagonist to learn about the world in tandem with each other. As long as the protagonist is learning about the world at a realistic pace, the reader will easily be able to follow the story.

As for low-talent writers, they're not going to have an intricately-crafted world for their story right off the bat. Thus they cannot make the mistake of confusing the reader by introducing a dozen characters or places in one go.

[Anonymous No.21827779]

>>21824241
Better yet, why write a swords-and-sorcery Middle-Ages fantasy at all?
Pick a completely different setting!
It makes me sad there aren't more books like picrel.

[Anonymous No.21827809]

>>21820583
I'm just so tired of reading source material, Fitz. I'm just so tired.

[Anonymous No.21827818]

>>21827698
If you mean the writers here...not actually telling a story.
Instead, I either get a lore dump, or an interlude where nothing interesting happens to the character...or both.
Give us goal -> conflict -> disaster!

[Anonymous No.21827824]

>>21827809
You think YOU have it bad.
Three of my ideas for novels would benefit greatly if I could finish reading picrel.
Damn thing is 2,440 pages.
I'm up to page 231.

[Anonymous No.21827830]

>>21827774
To add onto your suggestion, I don't know the tone entirely that he wants, but it could be funny if the one needs to actually explain who they are.

[Anonymous No.21827832]

>>21827824
I've read 8 books so far and I am going to have to read three more before I am allowed to get started on my next chapter. AAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

[Anonymous No.21827838]

>>21827818
how many of the self-help shitter posts are you responsible for

[Anonymous No.21827904]

>>21827830
Oh, good. Glad I could help, then!
>>21827832
Damn, that must be a brutal chapter.
>>21827838
I'm going to guess none. Maybe you can define "self-help shitter" for me.

[Anonymous No.21827931]

>>21827824
how's yahweh worship going to enhance your project?

[Anonymous No.21827955]

https://pastebin.com/nDVEGEPN
Criticism for my fantasy story? It's a rough draft for a general outline. I'm trying to make it a very dark fantasy with gritty, dire themes. I'd really like to see a version of fantasy and magic that's less LotR and more Darkest Dungeon, if anyone's played that.

[Anonymous No.21827968]

>>21827904
>Damn, that must be a brutal chapter.

I'll give you a hint as to why.

[Anonymous No.21827981]

>>21827931
The Bible is about far more than that.

[Anonymous No.21827993]

>>21827968
Ah, and you're not already a naval historian?
Recently I was reading old James Bond novels to try to get an idea of how he did it.
But there's no way I can replicate Ian Fleming's depth of experience gained working for British Naval Intelligence.

[Anonymous No.21828007]

>>21827761
That is weird.

[Anonymous No.21828024]

>>21828007
no it's not
say it outloud

[Anonymous No.21828122]

>>21827993
Correct. If the naval shit was just pastiche and my designs for the book allowed me to I'd just reference Google and lean into popular tropes, but I can't do that as the perspective comes from a ship's captain, his log, and personal journal. There's other stuff going on so I don't have to focus on this to an exhausting degree, but I do have to make it pass at least a smell test and if not satisfy the true naval autistics out there at least make them go, "Okay, he tried."

[Anonymous No.21828131]

>>21828122
Maybe you should write what you know?
I know, this coming from the anon trying to read the entire freaking Bible...

[Anonymous No.21828139]

>>21828131
I am too attached to the concept of what I am writing, and I love boats, just not to the level that these people do. Besides, it's all in the service of the adventure so there's a good cause for all the work.

[Anonymous No.21828173]

>>21827981
no, pretty sure it's a screed on worshiping yahweh, telling jews they're the chosen and christians they should grovel

[Anonymous No.21828183]

>>21827955
So, the emperor has a great city and the greatest army, yet he's so desperate as to enter into a foolish pact that causes his downfall?
That sounds implausible, even with the excuse that the emperor is mad.

I think it'd be more interesting if the emperor actually needed the sorcerer's assistance, and the sorcerer worked to make that empire the greatest in the land.
By being useful the sorcerer is able to gain the trust of the royalty, and expand his influence over the empire. It's suspected that he's using dark and evil powers to benefit the empire, but no one can do anything about it because of how useful he is.
It's only once the sorcerer has spread his roots deeply within the empire and gained the complete trust of the emperor that he shows his true colours and takes the throne for himself.

Repeating the words "dark" and "evil" over and over again simply doesn't compare to true insidiousness.

[Anonymous No.21828186]

What do you guys think of Snekguy?
I've read some of his stuff and I think it's pretty decent. What do you guys think? Do you think he does anything particularly wrong? How could he improve? I feel like he might be good enough to take notes from.

[Anonymous No.21828192]

>>21827955
>and reveals himself to be a power-hungry wizard, a sorcerer of great power.
I think saying he is a sorcerer of great power after saying he is a power hungry wizard is repetitive and reads strangely to me.
>turning the emperor's own forces against him and exiling him from the country
>using his own army to force him into a life of hiding
Again, repetition.
>Under the wizard's aura of evil magic, the townspeople are cursed into servitude, and the slaves that were below the townspeople are emboldened by evil magic, and command them to build a great tower for the wizard to further propagate his evil magic.
I would change this because you use the term evil magic too much in my opinion.
Maybe turn the first use into "under the wizards rule/tyranny" and the last one to "to further propagate his power"
The middle use is fine but I just have a pet peeve for using the same multiple times too closely to one another.
>and from then on, it is up to the emperor to make good on his negotiation.
I found this line overly casual, it just stuck out to me.
I've not played more than a few hours of DD but I've seen a friend play it and I could see this world as the basis for a campaign in that world.

[Anonymous No.21828198]

>>21828186
Who?

[Anonymous No.21828239]

>write my blurb
>it sounds more exciting that the book itself

[Anonymous No.21828271]

>>21828239
good for you I can't write a decent blurb for shit

[Anonymous No.21828278]

https://pastebin.com/QDnT2aur
Here's a game idea of mine.
Yes, I used ChatGPT to edit my unreadable gibberish. Anymore questions?

[Anonymous No.21828283]

>>21828192
>power-hungry wizard
i want to make a distinction between wizard and sorcerer, sorcerer being the lesser of the two, because i think wizard has a larger (and cooler) connotation. i also want readers to see his character as a great magic leader gone astray through his hunger for power
>evil magic x500
lol sorry
>overly casual line
some lines are purely functional as to outline concepts, plot lines and reasoning in my story. yes that could be written more in line with what i'm doing but i got tired towards the end lol. you are right though it kind of interrupts the cadence

[Anonymous No.21828309]

>Write what you know
>tfw my life is fucking boring

Drab.

That about summarizes what university feels like. The set for a low-budget TV show, or a gritty true crime movie. From the logo and the name down to the facilities and the people populating this building, it's all worn out, grimy, lifeless.

The pendulum swung all the way into ennui once I set foot in this place. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy how sterile it all has become, I have a lot of time to think now. Time to think about what school used to mean to me.

Once an unpredictable, chaotic ecosystem teeming with motion and purpose, powered by the strength that youth brings even to the meekest of us. Oscillating between a wonderful dream I wish never ended and a nightmare I kept waking up to, there was a tremendous weight to every action that is just missing entirely now.

Maybe this feeling of stagnation is caused the kind of university I ended up in. A cheap no-name school you only get enrolled into because you've been kicked out of better universities or you're broke, maybe too young and still wondering what to do, or too old and desperate for getting a degree on something. The American universities I see on movies are a far cry from this, that's for sure.

Maybe it's not stagnation, maybe what I'm feeling is decay brought about by time passing by. Everything and everyone in this school lacks color and motion, strength and purpose, chaos and meaning.

You can immediately tell apart the new blood from the ones that are about to graduate into unemployment. The former have momentum and the later have totally lost it. However, even though life is twisting all these people with each passing second, slowly turning them into something they never imagined, pushing them into futures that escape their imagination, they all remain the same:

A god damned garden of thorns, populated by rats and stinging insects. You never know what to expect, yet they are all so similar. Sometimes the thorns are as sharp as knives and other times they are so helpless they can't even puncture the skin of your hand. And within this mess of shrubs hide all the good things life has to offer.

[Anonymous No.21828352]

>>21828309
average/10 but trust the vision

[Anonymous No.21828356]

>>21828309
>Drab
>Don't get me wrong
>Time to think about...
>That's for sure
Don't pad your shit with filler when it's meandering as is.

Third paragraph is completely useless, as you have already made your point in the first and second paragraphs and the ones that follow. Same issue with the fifth as well.

>degree IN something
>I see IN movies

Reads like a diary entry desu. Needs more work.

[Anonymous No.21828369]

>>21828356
>le filler
im so sick of this listicle shit. it's clearly deliberate to a conversational effect. this meandering quality is common in these young man musings because it leans into the sense of ennui and listlessness
>Reads like a diary
what kind of literature do you typically read? you do read books right?
real tired of retards coming here with writing book platitudes and zero literacy

[Anonymous No.21828401]

>>21828369
It does not work, right? Or so I think. Don't get me wrong, conversationalism is not the problem, but its hamfisted nature. It is like people are trying too hard to sound relatable and natural, but in reality, it comes across as forced and artificial. You know what I mean? I mean, you shouldn't be trying this hard, this much. God, stop doing that crap! You ain't got the gift of gab! And my diaries do look like that...

[Anonymous No.21828405]

>>21828401
>And my diaries do look like that...
kino usage
I agree that it's clumsy, but I find the angle you're coming from reductive
could work if he was a cleaner writer

[Anonymous No.21828417]

Choad brought a block of orange and white colored cheese. He had a grin bigger than any gosh darn grin I've ever seen. It stretched wider than Pecker's foot and three times higher if I had to measure it. Anyways, in his happy go lucky self, he hummed along ready to share his discovery.
"Guys! We got to use Mexican cheese. That's the cheese for our burger."
"Mexican cheese? What's so special about that over American cheese?" I asked.
"You see Willy, Mexican cheese is smoother with a richer flavor and a much lower melting point. If we use it, then the flavors will absorb into the meat making the burger emit a fine fragrance and unmatched flavor."
"What? You just made that up!" Johnson said.
"No man, I heard it from a dude making burritos," Choad said.
"Who is this magical burrito man?" I asked.
"He's called 'Diego Ortega'. He says he owns three restaurants and each of them won Michillin Stars as well as some other rewards." Choad took out his phone to show us. "See, a winner of Eatman Awards, Food Junkie, and even four million followers on Rik Rack."
"Well he does look like he knows what he's doing. Lets try it."

We left Valu Shop Mart with our ingredients. Dong said he needed to ground up the beef and he'll meet us at Johnson's house by the afternoon.


So my story is about a bunch of guys making a burger, but in a subtle way, criticize internet influencers and their cult of followers. How's that excerpt?

[Anonymous No.21828489]

If that anon who wanted a name for people who see into the past is browsing still, I thought one up.
Reminiscers.
>>21828417
Rik Rack doesn't sound good to me.
Reminds of me asians trying to say L words
I have no other strong feelings about the story.

[Anonymous No.21828496]

I'm trying to write a book (just a practice one). I haven't written much besides short stories and that was a while ago, so I'm pretty beginner.
How is this intro and how can I make it better? How do I make my writing better?

"The pool hall’s atmosphere was a din of clattering billiards and slurred conversation. Smoke drifted past the overhead lighting, giving the room a hazy and dreamlike appearance, softening the edges on hard-lined faces. Players furrowed their brows while they lined up a shot.

Dan parked himself at the sparse end of the bar, the stool squeaking under him. He wiggled, finding his balance This wasn’t his usual scene, but tonight it would do. He needed out of his apartment, preferably somewhere where the music was loud enough to drown out his thoughts and the alcohol was strong enough to blur them into something more comfortable. And, if he were lucky, he would leave with some company. Afterall, tonight would be his last night of freedom."

[Anonymous No.21828525]

>>21828496
I don’t know. Maybe start the story where things get going? Since most people judge a book by the first page, if not the first paragraph.

[Anonymous No.21828531]

>>21828525
Ok I will rework it and post next thread

[Anonymous No.21828603]

I'm going to start writing stories in small journals and when im finished I'll make a box for them and bury it in the woods.

[Anonymous No.21828611]

>>21828024
>T-T-Ðats...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digraph_(orthography)

[Anonymous No.21828624]

>>21828417
Are you the Diamond Dozen guy?

[Anonymous No.21828853]

retiring at a respectable at 347

>>21828837

[Anonymous No.21829324]

>>21828139
Then suffer on with your research, I guess.
Good fortunes to you.

[Anonymous No.21829326]

>>21828173
What a brainlet take on a very broad-themed book.
I was going to describe the three ideas for novels I have that could use a grounding in the Bible, but I'm not going to bother.

[Anonymous No.21829329]

>>21828239
That's the mark of a successful blurb!
Congratulations!