I want to write fantasy fiction - Rate this

[Anonymous No.2171823]

Four little legs and a pair of wrinkled wingtips scrabbled across the floor.

The pale little green nestling eyed a crack in the wood. She carefully positioned her feet, stepping backwards slightly and hunching over with her skinny, wet legs. Ichor dripped from the ends of the wings, showing fresh, soft flesh between the wing-bones. Later, that same flesh would dry and produce a rough carapace, light but durable material.

The nestling leapt upon the crack with a roar of triumph. Only, she would have, save for the fact that her overly large wing fell in front of her causing her to roll over the floor. The little dragon raised a cacophony as it continuously rolled about, its exaggerated wingspan wrapped around it like a cloak, impeding its balance. Finally the little ball of ichor and screeches came to a halt, when the dragon simply gave up and lay within its wings quivering with a sense of shame.

Lionel sighed. A small puff of contempt was his only sign of frustration.

He flipped pages in the freshly-inked book within his hands. Printed from a press, the book had a fine leather scent that filled up the entire room. The binding was newly cracked where Lionel had first opened it on that morning. At best, Lionel could recognize the book as a sort of almanac of the beasts that inhabited the world. Pictures captured the artists’ fondest grandiose dreams. Great dragons were drawn to reach the size of ten men standing straight, yet everybody knew the maximum height of a drake was that of 2 feet standing. Mischievous and nasty creatures, drakes were well-known for being scrap thieves and flying pests. Often communities paid bounties for drake eggs; they harvested the leathery skin of the newborns. While the skin was still submerged in its birthing juice the leather was workable, for once it dried it was nigh impossible to mold without breaking.

[Anonymous No.2171844]

Cacophony requires multiple voices, so you should probably change that unless your Dragons are multi-voiced beings.

Birthing juice sounds... ill-informed, and hardened wings are far less agile than malleable wings , be sure to remember that. Also, most winged creatures tuck their wings outside of flight to avoid damage, which seems rather difficult if they crack with movement.

[Anonymous No.2171854]

Oh, I misread the skinning section and thought you were discussing wings and not the skin which you say hardens into a carapace (which is a shell and not scales).

I can't formulate any constructive criticism beyond that, so I'll leave that to more articulate writers.

[Anonymous No.2171876]

>>2171823
Not bad. The narrative flows well. It is interesting.

It sounds like you kind of want to fuck this dragon. You're adding a lot of cuteness to it. It comes off as cloying. I would prefer a description that is pathetic, without the anthropomorphized undertones. Maybe start by referring to it as an "it" and move to "she" later. Words like triumph and shame are huge words. Reserve them for when you mean them, because we know newborn animals do not feel these things.

You need to control your adjectives better. Right now they are being used without restraint and it comes off as amateurish. The final paragraph is great, it conveys a lot of things without relying on adjectives. But even that could use a trimming. I'm not saying stop using adjectives, but only use them sparingly. Here is your first paragraph with fewer adjectives:

>The little green nestling eyed a crack in the wood. She positioned her feet, stepping backwards and hunching down. Ichor dripped from the ends of the wings, showing flesh between the wing-bones. Later, that flesh would dry and produce a light and durable carapace.

It is tempting to load up nouns with a couple adjectives in an attempt to add details. Avoid that temptation. Instead of using an adjective, describe what you see with nouns. It will take more space, but it is space well spent.

[Anonymous No.2171879]

>scrabbled across the floor

[Anonymous No.2172126]

>>2171879
I was going to use
>parcheezied across.