I wrote a novella.

[Anonymous No.21702030]

Anyway. Check it out if you want. My manuscript is a google doc. Feel free to leave comments in the document or ITT.

Here is the blurb:

>VR engineer Christopher Holly has just closed the deal on a lucrative business contract. Now it’s his job to develop a high tech solution for the ethical and sustainable production of livestock on behalf of the Ministry of Agriculture and the poultry lobby. As the contract is finalized, a series of misfortunes lead to delays on the project and a growing uncertainty regarding its future. After Holly accidentally becomes trapped in a mesmerizing simulation, he must defy reality and come up against the artificially intelligent agent of all humanity’s demise—a tyrant chicken—to save his business, his family, and himself.


https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_GrLXdhajE7zm5t0XaxfGac5sMvTbDre-6Bb9IpVJV0/edit?usp=sharing

[Anonymous No.21702043]

my next step will be to use KDP to print the book and proliferate it around my city in hopes that anybody reads it at all. i have some experience publishing but this will be the first book that i've ever actually composed and self published under my own name.

[Anonymous No.21702087]

>>21702030
1 word: kafkaesque

[Anonymous No.21702106]

>>21702030
Why is the chicken hellbent on destroying humanity? Revenge for its slain brothers and sisters?

[Anonymous No.21702148]

>>21702106
Yes. Once the bird emerges with the AI it taps into and conquers a preexistent world ruled over by a benevolent emperor penguin. chickens are by their own nature very ruthless and cruel beasts. if you ever managed one in your life you will know how insane they are.

[Anonymous No.21702153]

>>21702087
that one word will get you banned here. pray thee well.

[Anonymous No.21702163]

>>21702030
I read your blurb. It sounds like an interesting premise, one you could have a lot of fun with as a writer.

If I could make a suggestion; I would trim the blurb significantly.

>VR engineer Christopher Holly has just closed the deal on a lucrative business contract. Now it’s his job to develop a high tech solution for the ethical and sustainable production of livestock on behalf of the Ministry of Agriculture and the poultry lobby. As the contract is finalized, a series of misfortunes lead to delays on the project and a growing uncertainty regarding its future.

None of this entices me to read the book. It also sounds a little contradictory, since Holly has apparently "closed the deal", yet a sentence later, the contract is still being finalised, a stage which apparently takes so long there's time for the project to be delayed and doubt to set in? I might be misreading it, but that doesn't make much sense to me.

Anyway, if I were you, I'd cut straight to the chase and turn the blurb into something like this.

>A VR engineer tasked with developing a high tech, ethical solution for livestock becomes trapped in a simulation where he faces the artificially intelligent agent of all humanity's demise—a tyrant chicken.

I'm sure you can make a much better version, but the point I'm making is that the blurb needs to be 100% action and attention. Cut out all the fluff and pack it with energy and intrigue, don't get bogged down on details or exposition.

That said, well done for completing a book and much good luck to you, baby!

[Anonymous No.21702183]

>>21702163
that's terrific advice. i'll employ it immediately. i genuinely appreciate that.

[Anonymous No.21702188]

>>21702163
Anon just wrote a novella as a response
OP must have inspired him

[Anonymous No.21702193]

>>21702188
checked and heiled.

[Anonymous No.21702194]

>>21702043
OP, how do you plan to proliferate it around your city?

[Anonymous No.21702197]

kek
https://www.vox.com/2014/5/19/5729182/the-case-for-raising-chickens-in-virtual-reality

[Anonymous No.21702210]

>>21702194
i figured i would make the KDP version, order a gang of them, and then make a very concerted and serious effort to literally leave copies behind in countless coffee shops and libraries. Additionally I plan to approach every independent book store here and ask if they would be willing to accept, merchandize, and sell some copies free of charge. i live in the pacific northwest, a fairly strong book centric demography.

[Anonymous No.21702213]

>>21702197
Hahaha

[Anonymous No.21702224]

>>21702210
Neat idea. Good luck with it. I'm not sure if this would help you, but maybe it'd be a cool idea to make an illustration of the chicken (with a slogan beneath it, something like "Will the chicken win and conquer HUMANITY?" -- something cheesy, anyway) and then making stickers of that illustration that have a QR code beneath them so people will walk by the stickers and think "What? A chicken is gonna kill us? What's this about?", they scan the QR code and they're automatically linked to your book.

Just a suggestion.

[Anonymous No.21702234]

>>21702224
some low level guerilla viral marketing hey?
that's a strong suggestion and i am going to put it to good use. thank you anon. i mean that. i have a background in marketing so this should actually be a cinch.
>>21702213
let's see your book.

[Anonymous No.21702244]

>>21702234
>my book
I will make sure to write it once i have some original ideas
Btw i will read your book and give it honest criticism (if the thread is still up)

[Anonymous No.21702254]

>>21702244
checked. also thank you. this manuscript is what i refer to as my 'zero draft'. i will read it over the next month and edit it, then I will likely hire an editor (or ask (the editor of &amp has already agreed to copyedit it)).
additionally, taking the work to /lit/ is an important step for me. if i can get some actual feedback from /lit/, it would be my lightning in a bottle for my editing process. so thank you again.

[Anonymous No.21702399]

Have you written any short stories, OP?

I apologise for my laziness, but I'd like to get a flavour of your work before diving into a nearly 200 page novella.

By the way, would you consider your book chick-lit? HAHHHHH

[Anonymous No.21702430]

>>21702030
I am impressed, such a project takes considerable effort. I suggest that you use active voice

[Anonymous No.21702436]

>>21702399
checked. i have a short story published in &amp Magazine, but it looks like their website is down right now. here's my manuscript for the story for your reading pleasure. it's about 3.5k words. thanks anon.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1P78l1YsWM3rGPK8IKtETY6CHtIhaFdul49cf35yTrAw/edit?usp=sharing

[Anonymous No.21702447]

>>21702430
thank you.
this book took me about a month to get to this stage, writing full time.
yes absolutely. i am usually cognizant of that however like i mentioned, there is a final editing phase that still needs undertaking.

[Anonymous No.21702458]

>>21702436
the short story is thematically much different however my prose is similar enough i suppose

[Anonymous No.21702535]

OP, do you ever struggle with motivation or ambition?

You've managed to write a book which is quit an achievement, do you have any advice for somebody who has trouble completing short stories because he never "feels" like it?

[Anonymous No.21702597]

>>21702535
i pretty much require perfect silence and solitude to write. zero distractions. forget about the library.
also, i was extremely inspired to write this book, i had a lot of internal motivation to get the story out. the last several days I have really lost a lot of motivation to write this story, so i knew that it was time to snap into action and finish my zero draft. i'm glad that it is done. i would not be as motivated to continue writing.

for example, the next book that i want to write deals with a clique of teenage vampires that go back in time in an attempt to save the titanic. i have such a strong desire to write this story and get it out, that finding the motivation over the next couple of months shouldn't be too difficult. just have to make sure to find the environment to write, the silence and the solitude.

also i smoke about an ounce of weed every couple of weeks. that keeps me going kek.

[Anonymous No.21702690]

>>21702597
Thanks for your reply, OP. I hope my ambition returns to me. I will fight for it, you've inspired me.

Good luck, I hope this one and the next are a success!

[Anonymous No.21702761]

>>21702436
Do you like McCarthy? Your writing reads like his sometimes. Not my preferred style of story telling but you have a great sense for building atmosphere, I enjoyed this a lot. Good shit

[Anonymous No.21703120]

>>21702761
yeah i've definitely read all his work and would consider him my favorite. its strange because i've obsessively read pynchon and melville and DFW as well and i don't really seem to emulate them at all. maybe mccarthy is just really easy to copy. i will admit that my prose is very similar to and directly inspired by his.
also thank you.

[Anonymous No.21703833]

Nice.

[Anonymous No.21704835]

>>21702030
What inspired you to write your story?

[Anonymous No.21705162]

OP, I don't know whether or not this is a good omen or a bad one, but the last thing I did before going to bed was read the first couple of pages of your novella.

I proceeded to dream about myself working in a chicken slaughterhouse. I had to use this mechanical saw to cut off the dead chicken's wings. Anyway, at some stage during the dream, I walk past this big bin of discarded chicken parts when I hear a rumble. I look into the bin and there's this mutant chicken grabbing parts of other dead chickens and sticking them to his body.

He was twice the size of a normal chicken and he had four legs, four wings and two heads. He also had a smattering of bloody feathers on his head which looked a little like a Grease-style pompadour, except less greasy and more bloody.

Anyway, I helped him get out of the bin so and he asked me where I could get saws. I showed him and he promptly attached a saw to each wing. He then went on to slaughter the CEO of the company and became somewhat of a hero among vegetarians and vegans and animal right groups, though the chicken didn't really like their limp-wristed style of behaving. The dream ended with me watching a documentary of this killer chicken and telling my grandkids that I was the one who set him free.

[Anonymous No.21705409]

>>21702030
OP, I just read as far as the end of part 3, "This is my first day on the job" (lol) and I'm enjoying it.

Feels like the start, with the coldness and oddness of register, is maybe a little slow. Pic related, after the impassive car accident, was around where I decided that I was going to read on. You remember that DFW burn on Easton Ellis where he said, if modern life makes us increasingly soulless, why just reproduce that soullessness? That's a bit how I felt at the start

[Anonymous No.21705420]

>>21705409
The this, which is obviously an old piece of cyberpunk imagery, convinced me that you've got more than the affectlessness going for you, because this is a very sleek execution of that idea.

[Anonymous No.21705436]

>>21705420
Then, finally, you pull out the adjectives and offer a richer tone, a contrast to the character's coldness. The absurd meeting scene after that is quality too.

Basically, I'm all on board, and feel like after some of the better L&mp stuff and a couple of the recent Unreal stories, /lit/ is doing okay right now. Still, while neither chapter two nor three would have done a better job, I'm not sure that your first page or two has a particularly strong hook. Which, here we are splerging free text on the internet, is probably a necessity.

Thanks though. I'll keep reading.

[Anonymous No.21705547]

>>21705409
>>21705420
>>21705436
Thanks anon. I believe you’re correct, the first couple of chapters are a little developmental, and the tricks I use to keep it interesting, like the car crash, would be more effectual with a punchier first chapter. I genuinely appreciate your feedback. Means a lot. I might try to dial the absurdism down lest it all comes across as unserious.

[Anonymous No.21705556]

>>21705162
That’s fucked anon. Glad I could spook you. Looks like you just outlined the sequel

[Anonymous No.21705572]

>>21704835
A few years ago a friend and I did some time on a farm. During that period he showed me an article written about Chicken VR, much like the article linked to above ITT. I joked to him that because chickens are so basic, the VR environment would just simply be a two-toned horizon. We laughed at that for about a year.

And then the other day, I’m walking down the street with my girlfriend and we stroll by this restaurant, Chicken World. So I told her about the Chicken VR idea, put my hands on my head and yelled “I GOTTA GET OUTTA THIS CHICKEN WORLDDDD”. She suggested that I write it and I became instantly obsessed.

[Anonymous No.21705603]

>>21705547
Oh no, keep the absurdism. If it hadn't been clear you were joking half the time I wouldn't have carried on. That humour totally works for me.

[Anonymous No.21706094]

This is unironically good and funny. A bit ragged, but a lot like DeLillo.

[Anonymous No.21706126]

>>21702030
Good for you.

[Anonymous No.21706200]

>>21705603
Thanks. I’m glad for that. Appreciated.
>>21706094
Okay so I became totally engrossed in Underworld for a whole year a few summers ago. Back when we started the magazine. I really love his style and I believe he likely influenced my prose more than I previously acknowledged. Thank you. Also elaborate on ragged for my benefit if possible. Much obliged.

[Anonymous No.21706214]

>>21705436
woah

[Anonymous No.21706292]

>>21702030
"The man was looking sharp. He sliced [across] the vast indoor atria with purpose as [the] series of long loud taps [returned from] across the vault [before they echoed/faded] into nothing. The mall was retrofit[ed] to avoid unintentional anachronism[ and the] nostalgia shopping malls [so reliably] evoke[:] interior benches, vending machines, [coin filled] fountains, [defunct] fiberglass rides for children[—] all clear[,] all replaced [by a field of] cool granite tile[,] [the] now languishing [relics] permanently [bound in] cages [within] the parking lot [Tartarus] alongside [fallow unlimbered] fairgrounds [machinery] from [some/a] forgotten [time/past].

Synthetic uptempo lounge muzak pulsed and [streamed down t]he neon beam[ing] in milky ultramarine: [B R A X M A]. The man [passes] under the light and pull[s] himself through the door. He adjust[s] his eye[wear] and [runs] his hand through his hair. A[n analog] voice [opens,]"

A little more Cormac edit on the opener, a little more Neuromancer/American Psycho on the second paragraph. You have a good formula here. The title is and setup is hilarious, graphic design for the cover passable. Just give at a little shine, a few more passes.

>>21702163
This, like a film trailer. It's the pitch and the treatment. Open with a hook.

>>21703120
>i don't really seem to emulate them at all
Seeing how hard Pynchon fell off the wagon post Mason & Dixon, this is for the better imo

>>21702210
Have it be it's own special edition, signed/inscribed with a chicken doodle or something. And number them. If you make it, they'll be the stuff of legend.

>>21702597
>clique of teenage vampires that go back in time in an attempt to save the titanic
Will it touch the Sister Ship insurance fraud theory, or the US Federal Reserve holdouts that went down with it? There's something in the mimetic air with vampires again. Check out Ellis' vampire story toward the end of The Informers. Play it straight, like Haneke's Funny Games.

[Anonymous No.21706430]

>>21706200
> ragged

I mean some little dangling bits like "She left the room and the glass swung slowly. " "The light shifted and fell into shapes " " Holly sat himself and after a moment some distant activity stirred. "

Which are just sort of hanging there. They don't add satirical weight, but so much else has been trimmed that they stand out as odd.

[Anonymous No.21706828]

>>21706430
noted. i appreciate that.
>>21706292
um. i'm going to take your edit and put it in right now. kek. thanks.

[Anonymous No.21706855]

>>21706828
or at least some of it.

[Anonymous No.21706858]

>>21706292
also i'm def feeling vampires too. something in the water. thank you for your insight. very good stuff

[Anonymous No.21707246]

Here, have a free AI-generated book-cover background.

[Anonymous No.21707255]

And another.

[Anonymous No.21707293]

>>21702030
>wrote a novella
Good for you, anon.

[Anonymous No.21707299]

>>21707255
wtf checked thats amazing

[Anonymous No.21707447]

[Anonymous No.21707538]

>>21707299
My pleasure.
Positive prompt: angry chicken god, glowing red eyes, photorealistic, masterpiece, volumetric lighting, subsurface scattering
Negative prompt: anime, suit
If you're not already running Stable Diffusion on your local computer, see https://rentry.org/sd-mashup , and maybe checked out the "AI degenerated art" threads on >>>/b/ for advice.

[Anonymous No.21708182]

This is actually good. Thanks OP. Print it and I’ll buy one.

[Anonymous No.21709383]

>>21702030
This sounds awesome, im gonna put it in my virtual Library and read it later. Here's a humble bump Chickenanon

[Anonymous No.21709860]

>>21709383
>chickenanon
It’s an honor