/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.21544332]

OC Poetry Thread
You jackanapes let the thread die while I was at work

[Anonymous No.21544464]

>>21544332

[Anonymous No.21544504]

Also it seems that the meter of one of mine from last thread was the object of some controversy.
In the interest of inflaming that controversy further, this is the (intended) scansion.

[Anonymous No.21544519]

are all poets failed musicians?
are all musicians failed mathematicians?
are all mathematicians failed philosophers?
are all philosophers failed essayists?
are all essayists failed novelists?
are all novelists failed poets?

[Anonymous No.21544611]

sterile city, pulsating forests
slumped over and pilled out humans
living in the ruins

milky way above us
stretching towards infinity
blotted out by light pollution

=============================================

I walk through the streets like
the extingushed flames of a roaring fire
or the rain drops off a branch of a tree
only the ocean waves move for eternity

does it matter where ill go
deep in the earth or up in the sky
right now im walking alone
im walking to the place ill call home

======================================

when i get home
ill stay in my room till i die
under the warm unwashed blankets
my flesh will grow cold

the house will become decrepit and
shake in the wind
mold will grow on the walls in the shape of animals
grass will rise through the floor boards

rodents and insects will devour me
leaving only white glistening bones
i will become a handful of dust
and a draft will blow me away

[Anonymous No.21544621]

>>21544332
a simple haiku

Night clear as vodka --
From the street a woman's voice
Warbles through the dark

[Anonymous No.21544624]

>>21544464
Cool subject. I'd add something about the Scale of Ma'at if I were you.
>>21544504
The pattern there is interesting but I'm not sure what it was conveying other than putting emphasis on certain lines and words (with differing emotion, I'm guessing). Was that the idea?

[Anonymous No.21544632]

>>21544332
/lit/ is shit
Janny has tits
Why oh why did you move through thread
To /his/ where it would remain dead?

Fuck this place. I cannot stand
The silly reasons I get banned
I should be doing something bigger
So I bid "Adieu" by saying "nigger".

[Anonymous No.21544635]

>>21544621
I urge you to stop using 5-7-5, not because you are bad at it, but it's a complete meme that doesn't translate the poetic qualities of haiku. Go for chop words, seasonal words, and Zen realisation.

[Anonymous No.21544639]

>>21544632
I fucking typed "the" and it autocorrects "thr" as "through". Tablets are an abomination.

[Anonymous No.21544653]

>>21544624
This >>21532667 is the piece in question. It's supposed to feel like teetering on the edge of lucidity, feeling like you've finally got it, then having it slip away in a moment unexpectedly.

[Anonymous No.21544656]

>>21544653
I did see it before. I was wondering what your pattern was for. I guess you've explained it.

[Anonymous No.21545414]

snake ate its tail
moon covered the sun
man and woman became one
lovely face, fair and pale

[Anonymous No.21545464]

This brave ocean is ending me
I feel it’s raging storms wtithin me
Tell me who am I to go sailing without you
Telling me what’s the right way to go

Marooned with you an isle
Stranded sending smoke signals
Can I call on you to take me home?

Is this it, all we had
It pains me to keep going
And I understand if you won’t be there
Just say it to my face if this is goodbye
Yeah it's cringe I know, it's supposed to be song lyrics. This shit is fucking difficult

[Anonymous No.21545471]

Spirit fading at the seams
Like an ochre leaf in the breeze
Alas! Was it all a dream?

===

Formless ocean cloaked in silver
Islets of deep violet tears you asunder
Infinitude ahead - a salt laden breeze
Its formless song, it makes me shudder

===

Who of you have looked above?
There, celestial tales abound
Within them the earthly are drowned!

Who of you have looked below?
There, terrestrial virtue is found
Within which you shall be sound!

But I ask who of you have looked
And stared at man's bestial mound?

[Anonymous No.21545482]

Aight I'mma try to give some feedback even though I suck myself.

>>21545471
Good imagery, I get the sense of what you're going for. Good use of colour. You should develop that into a story though, I feel like I want to read more. And add some edge to make it more real.

>>21545414
Pretty good but change the man and woman line

>>21544611
I guess you're the same guy as the first one, the style is sort of the same, but still alright, I definitely feel like there should be some more edge, give me more of a reason to read it. Technically it's really good though.

[Anonymous No.21545510]

>>21545482

Thanks for the feedback, I'm the colour anon. Could I ask what you mean by giving more edge?

[Anonymous No.21545519]

>>21544621
The vodka image distracts, being rather particular, but might perhaps work better if you changed 'voice' to 'shriek' and 'warbles' to something that implied drunkenness, like 'raucous'. Then the whole would cohere as a pithy comment on the night sounds of drunken revelry in a city.

I enjoyed this though.

[Anonymous No.21545536]

>>21545510
Yeah, the poetry is very good, just apply something that is unexpected, like something meta or breaking the fourth wall. I dunno, but if you use that technical skill in combination with some concepts that stirs your sense of comfort more would be awesome. Maybe adressing the reader or something, I don't know.

[Just Like That No.21545582]

>>21544332

Just like that, sipping their lattes,
the dog sleeping on the floor,
in their favourite little cafe
at a table by the door,

Just like that, a minor quarrel had ballooned
like a live thing, like an unfurling demon.
Grievances became confessions, as each said things to wound,
in a kind of mad, cathartic, loss of reason.

Just like that, they had broken up.
He stared at the still-sleeping dog.
She simply sat, purged, aghast, numb.
But the thing had been done.

They both affected relief, ("we make more sense as friends"),
But their eyes met and they sorrowed, and then of course followed guilt,
and dismay at the life so quickly discarded,
that had been so lovingly built.

The dog woke, and looked from one to the other,
and it was then that she began to cry,
as he stared out at the leaves blustering past,
vertiginous with the still-telescoping enormity of it all.

[Anonymous No.21545603]

Quiet days
Foes forgotten
Piercing sun rays
Where an army is rotting
Where the beast lays
Where the mild one fought them
His hand stays
My heart softens

[Anonymous No.21545705]

My past scares me
The future looks too good
Breathe
Let God reveal his plan

[Anonymous No.21545725]

> micz.substack.com/p/chalk-vandals

[Anonymous No.21545749]

>>21545705
That's pretty good, but maybe make it more esoteric.

Maybe something like:
Days past invades every dream
No shade shields me from the sunrays of tomorrow
You inhale the fine mist
And let the pergament unfold

I dunno

[Anonymous No.21545854]

leaves are crunchy. when
you step in them they crunch, and
you can jump in them!

-jackanape

[Anonymous No.21545995]

>>21545725
I like it anon.
I should get a substack for my shitty alt history theorizing.

[Anonymous No.21546088]

In this moment
I am euphoric
Not because of any phony god's blessing
But because, I am enlightened
by my intelligence

[Anonymous No.21546472]

Rejects the blessing of the seer
Mongolian enlightenment
Euphoria hides the fear
Slave to intellect

[Anonymous No.21546540]

>>21545749
Wow, I really liked this! Rough draft vs final draft lol

[Anonymous No.21546560]

>>21545725
Why the pic? i really like it tho. Seems popper rather then a 4chan poem.

[Anonymous No.21547089]

Bump!

[Anonymous No.21547104]

Plainclothes Lily
You sure are silly
You wear plainclothes
Over your pantyhoes

When I ask you to dance
You tell me to prance
When I ask you to jump
You tell me to hump

Plainclothes Lily
Why are you so silly?
Why do you wear plainclothes
Over your pantyhoes?

Why should I prance
When I’ve asked you to dance?
And why should I hump
When I’ve asked you to jump?

Maybe someday, I’ll know the answer
Until then, you’ve made me a pretty good prancer

[Anonymous No.21547154]

Past and future fall away.
There is only the rose and blue
Shimmer of the illimitable
Sea surface.
No Place.
No Time.

Slowly the moon rises
Over the quiet sea.
Slowly the face of my beloved
Forms in my mind.

The new moon has reached
The half. It is utterly
Incredible. One
Month ago we were strangers.

[Anonymous No.21547424]

I cannot comprehend the depths of you:
Oh, how I must appear so small and weak—
A madman shouting—pleading—at the stars
For an answer to lull the soul to sleep.

From the cup of life your love overflowed
To imbue the mind and nourish the heart
You are the tailor whose might interwoven
Material and ethereal heart.
I cannot fathom the logic of you:
Why require such a cruel test of faith—
And desire both fool and wise to praise—
Why gift logic yet demand steadfast faith?

But when I drift beneath a star-lit sky
And ponder this absurdity called life
There I find faith in the azure magpie,
The bumblebee, wasp, and marigold rife.
I cannot describe the nature of you:
Do you live in me; do I live in you?
In His face I think I find an answer—
To treat each log as if it were a pew.

At a small pond I throw a rounded stone
And in the water I see myself strange:
I become crooked and foul and unknown—
But did I in soul veritably change?
Is life but a false reflection of you?
For the world is wicked yet you are true.

[Anonymous No.21548142]

Bump

[Anonymous No.21548358]

>>21544635
from constraint comes beauty anon

[Anonymous No.21548711]

Ah, ma petite fleur
The room is dark
And rain laps the silence
Pattering on my windows
Lonely
In a chill January room

But you
Fleur pâle de mai
You are light
Flush
Pink
Pink and ripe
Plucked from the greenhouse
Humid
A palette of warmth
Cherries on your cheeks
Pomegranate lips
With flavor bursting
Moist
Ready
Oh, so sweet
Oh, so sweetly framed
The lines
The freckles
La fraises
La graines de fraise
The innocence of those
Seeds
The irony of that thought
Of innocence
Oh, ma semence
Oh, je voudrais semer
La fraises

The glint on that pomegranate
Those perfect teeth
Pillowed tongue
Flesh
Inner flesh
A l'intérieur de la grenade
Laisse moi le goûter
Laisse moi le sentir
Let me kiss those strawberry seeds

AND

And let me grab that bird
Beneath green
Roosting, mocking
That tufted wristband
Grab and
Wrench away her arm
And see that deeper pink
Circled pink
Textured, rising pink
Pink and ripe
Another fruit to savor
Un autre fruit à embrasser

[Anonymous No.21548729]

im the bone moan guy from last thread hope yall like this one

[Anonymous No.21548742]

>>21548729
Hahaha, the "bone moan guy". Tell me what the poem is about so I can read it properly, I'M DRUNK. Mineis the one right above yours, you called me cooom brained in the last thread.

[Anonymous No.21548770]

>>21548742
its about a date i went on by a old new deal dam in south Carolina. >>21548711 i like this one but i don't speak french and you are a coomer anon

[Anonymous No.21548818]

>>21544332
Not really a poem but IDK where to post

>How I wish to get a way from everything. From books and television, from games and pictures; from drama and politics, from society and modern life. The whole world is a collection of mirrors reflecting in chains of thousands and recursing on each other; nothing but a collection of false meanings. I wish for us to go deep into to the woods; perhaps in a cabin, with just the earth and the stars to take care of me.

[Anonymous No.21548829]

>>21548818
there's /wg/, but also this is a very tritely-stated instance of an already overplayed sentiment

[Anonymous No.21548926]

>>21544332
4channers are very stupid
And rightly scorned by Cupid
Always grossly bickering
All for naught but snickering
Most deserve a bullet
Yet lack they strength to pull it
And so we waste the days
Never to change the ways

[Anonymous No.21549037]

deep in the trenches of the profane
plumbline undergirding
this home's undeniable architecture
swims a nameless face
affixed with body black and serrated
bulbous in searing mind

its hunger grows its own offspring
and as a pressure it finds a new light
peeking through the echoing drains
their percolating throatsongs sing blank songs

the number of rooms divides equally
among the lives that lie
in the bedframe cracks
no family here can ignore the urge
to dissolve away into the seamless recessions
blurred at the edges by screen static's
temporal yawn

and conspiracies don't explain the extent
to which archaeological blueprints predict
the needling green scents
of pine-room ecstasies labeled wine
vintage dated at a future location

granny's patchwork quilt
has no story to tell
until the dregs excavate
their own internal inconsistencies
stitched by cellular junctions
quizzling scientists call causality's reign

[Anonymous No.21549053]

>>21547424
first line brutalizes my mind, not in a spiffy way
you need a spikier draw, in a suede way
the rest is cliched in a cliche way

>>21547154
nothing new
bring us something fresh

>>21547104
no man, im sorry

>>21545582
the first stanza is an incomplete clause—i hope this is feedback enough

>>21545471
like an exaltation to a blue splotch
anytime "was it all a dream" is asked, you have to ask yourself: 'is this a novel enough use of this overused phrase to justify this usage?' and if the answer is no the usage is probably not ideal

>>21545464
a cramped calve of kipling

>>21544611
needs bite, crispness, and exactularity (personal coinage which i hope captures what you need)

>>21544464
anachronistically anachronistic

>>21549037
cant tell if brilliant or retarded

[Anonymous No.21549076]

>>21544332
Janny O Janny, it went so wrong so soon for the meme
Look at yourself, you used to have dreams
A family? Career? Now all just stupid old things
And the saddest part of all? they do it for free

[Anonymous No.21549079]

>>21549053
it's only singly anachronistic if you're a believer

[Anonymous No.21549091]

>>21548358
5-7-5 isn’t constraint. It shows you know nothing about haiku.

[Anonymous No.21549563]

>>21549053
Fuck off retard.

[Anonymous No.21550009]

>>21544332
This is translated into English: I lie like a carcass
with a soul so bright
The body stands strong
yet the breath stays fading
I violently grab onto the light
but it doesn't want to come out

Thick fog, like the night
Chokes extinguishing stars
And on my throat, a noose
Holds onto untamed fire

"Life" the breath longs for
To stand and pridely caw
but the noose's haze
Has vowed it mute

[Anonymous No.21550835]

Bump

[Anonymous No.21551021]

Saw this thread this morning, so i threw this poem together inbetween my errands to participate. It's been too long. It's nothing profound. And certainly not perfect. But I can see the evolution of my own mentality in what I desire to capture in my poetry from what I used to before shifted to prose. So for that, I like it. It's similar still, but is more grounded and not afraid to capture dis-ease--which I was always adamantly avoiding doing.

Fae-kin
------------

Twirl to leaves in zephyr eddies
does the Fae-kin do with whimsy
just beside a forest river.

Freshly loosened are the leaves whose
supple stems have broken from the
recent fall of each their branches.

Wooden carts then carry off the
limbs and husks of butchered redwoods
while they're pulled by beasts of burden.

Snapping whips break air then skin as
Swinging axe thunks wooden limb while
so the Fae-kin dance in rhythm.

[Anonymous No.21551352]

>>21549053
Lol
>>21548729
Stop lowercasing
>>21546472
Lol
>>21545725
Pretty good, a bit anachronistic

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvIwwB7Adq0

[Anonymous No.21551711]

Let art be an expression of the self
For there is too much fiction on your shelf
And if you cannot deduce who you are
From sharing drink with stranger at the bar
Then I doubt you’ll find yourself in book read
Of another man’s life who lived and bled
All the things you dream about in the night
Whilst you cower beneath your covers tight
Are you not afraid of dying unborn?
Do you truly believe people will mourn?
You are nothing but a stain on the Earth—
Oh, if only you’d known what you could have been worth.

[Anonymous No.21551719]

>>21549053
Exactularity isn't a word, and Plainclothes Lily is a great poem.

[Anonymous No.21552272]

>>21551352
>a bit anachronistic
in what way?

[Anonymous No.21552667]

singing during a fever dream
my ancestors call to me
come with us through the ether
hand in hand
for you have known more sorrow than anyone can stand

[Anonymous No.21552668]

>>21544519
yes
>>21544621
vodka tastes bad and i dislike women
>>21545725
only good one in the thread

here's mine:
With softest touch your arm engrailed
By fingers poised to make you stay—
And from your lips a sigh excides
Your breath and voice, both on their way.

Withoutdoors your heart may linger,
Eager toward fields of flower and hay—
Monopetalous blooms doth resemble
The loneliness you might assay.

And so, with wine, through sad elution
I might extract mine heart from yours—
Bibulous and turned toward ruction,
No enemy, yet still at war.

[Anonymous No.21553036]

>>21552667
>more sorrow than anyone can stand
>tfw no gf

[Anonymous No.21553153]

>>21552668
>only good one in the thread
>>21551352
>Pretty good,


Thanks ill be posting a new poem every few weeks at the ( >>21545725 ) link

[Anonymous No.21553353]

>>21553153
Does it take u a few weeks to write one poem?

[Anonymous No.21553401]

>>21553353
>Does it take u a few weeks to write one poem?

Sometimes, but mostly no. I have about a dozen of them ready and am writing new stuff all the time. I just stagger them out so not to annoy anyone who's subscribed.
i also like to sit on anything i've written as things that strike me as pure genius in the moments of their composition seem considerably less so after a month time to cool off.

[Anonymous No.21553425]

Just make objectively good work (i.e., informed by form and rhythm), by studying poetry. Most poems (up to fifty lines or less) will be finished in about two hours or so. You can consistently get it accepted for publication, since poems don't take up space and they're relatively accepted more than prose.

[Anonymous No.21553483]

>https://paste.toolforge.org/view/91afb184
Could use a set of eyes and critique on this (very long) poem. It's extremely long and incomplete, so however far you get would be great. Do the initial ten or fifteen lines set a sufficiently regular syllabic structure to invite a close reading that facilitates the elision I begin to incorporate heavily to govern flow? Thank you, frens.

[Anonymous No.21553854]

There once was a nigger named Sneed,
He had a place called Feed and Seed,
He bought it from Chuck
When, down on his luck,
Could no longer sell fucks and sucks

[Anonymous No.21554012]

>>21553854
Yawn

[Anonymous No.21554829]

>>21552668
Meter starts to get sloppy by second stanza. In particular by line 6.

[Anonymous No.21555247]

Bump

[Anonymous No.21555373]

Cut my life into pieces
Food for birds, seed
Peace that never seizes
A new life for Sneed

[Anonymous No.21555453]

I meant to cease.
But the moment was seized
An artistic lease
Sneed appeased

[Anonymous No.21556617]

The sign says feed and seed I see
Though what is seed but feed for thee
My flocking birds who dot the tree
Where once I laid in ecstasy
Of wares once proffered and received
From one whose name did proudly lead
That sign in times these do precede

[Anonymous No.21556622]

The sign says feed and seed I see
Though what is seed but feed for thee
My flocking birds who dot the tree
Where once I laid in ecstasy
Of wares once proffered and received
From one whose name did proudly lead
That sign in times these do succede

[Anonymous No.21556652]

Dahlia
----------

Effloresce in white effulgence:
the universe unfurls, a moment,
then wilts in an unbowed lambence

[Anonymous No.21556671]

>>21548711
>French
ruined.

[Anonymous No.21557357]

Bump before bed

[Anonymous No.21558142]

Artistic detachment, psychic distance, and disinterested contemplation are literally the most virgin traits a writer can have
Sigma Chads are full of passion and confidence

[Anonymous No.21558180]

Thoughts wait there like a hunting cat
as I work
eager prey to jaws
Only a glimpse of glowing eyes
I draw myself near

The snowball always rolls downhill
picks up speed
Too large to be held
The children keep playing atop
I wish we could climb

Those who breathe under the water
They don't know
They think this is land
Holding in air to fill my lungs
I cover my mouth

Eat me up
Let me fall
Open wide

[Anonymous No.21558199]

>>21558180
Hm?

[Anonymous No.21558374]

>>21558199
I don't know what this response means. Did you have a question about my poem?