[ 3 / biz / cgl / ck / diy / fa / ic / jp / lit / sci / vr / vt ] [ index / top / reports ] [ become a patron ] [ status ]
2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/lit/ - Literature

View post   
File: 101 KB, 500x593, coexist.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
[ERROR] No.2147780 [Reply] [Original]

Please tell me what you think!

>> No.2147782

gonna have to post it first. Also, what suicides?

>> No.2147784

Sorry, the field was too long. The essay can be found here: http://pastebin.com/tyDSxtD1

>> No.2147786

>>2147780
Jamie Hubley, 15, killed himself this weekend as a direct result of the bullying he faced for being gay.

>> No.2147792

>>2147786
Oh, shit, not another one.
It's not enough that society has largely stopped offing the gays, now we have to offer our active acceptance lest they off THEMSELVES?
Christ, when will it end?

>> No.2147798

>>2147786


Does bullycide only occur to children already manifesting mental disorders?

>> No.2147803

anyway, this obviously means pscyhologists need to stop pretending that faggotry is not a mental disorder, and need to take a more proactive treatment of it in youths so they can still achieve normalcy after therapy, hormones, and other pharmaceuticals.

>> No.2147806

i don't care about gay people

i don't care about gay people killing themselves

this thread is borderline off-topic

>> No.2147808

I am reading it now and will offer my advice as I go along but I might get bored and not finish. Anyways

> I came home, heard about Jamie Hubley’s suicide, went to sleep, had a nightmare. Now I’m awake, and I wish I’d stayed asleep a bit longer, because at least nightmares are fake.
Why do we need to know that you came home? This seems to have no relevance; cut it.

Also, you start this with very strong sentiment which is not helpful to whatever you're trying to do. It made me roll my eyes. Rhetorically it's a pretty bad strategy, because you're going to alienate anyone you might hope to convince and end up preaching the the choir, only half of whom are going to take you seriously because you your extreme statements.

You should tell us who this Jamie Hubley fellow is. I don't know him or what happened to him. The first few paragraphs are off putting because they seem to be only concerned with simply getting your opinion through, free of any apparent rhetorical strategy. You forget that you have a reader who very well could decided to stop reading at any point, and who you need to convince that you're right.

>> No.2147809

>>2147792
>It's not enough that society has largely stopped offing the gays
>now we have to offer our active acceptance lest they off THEMSELVES?

To successfully pull off this troll, you were supposed to say something to the effect that that's hardly a 'threat' in any meaningful sense.

>themoreyouknow

>> No.2147813

>>2147808
> Any and every instance of this is, all at once, disgusting and heartbreaking and devastating.
This is choppy. You make your reader navigate your commas like a series of hurdles. I don't know why you need "all at once." Do you assume the reader could take this any other way? If you insist on keeping it, put it at the end of the sentence.

> This is something we have to take into our own hands because this is our generation.
Cliche and trite. I'm not sure you really even mean anything by this, but if you do try expressing it in a way that hasn't already been repeatedly shoved down our throats. Your whole essay suffers from this; you never say anything we haven't heard before. What makes you think this time we'll listen?

> Oh, and bullying— don’t.
As if this wasn't obvious. Who writes essays in support of bullying?

> I define bullying as . . .
Argumentatively, this is weak because a definition is not something that's available to your own personal opinion. We all have to agree on the definition of things for language to work. You should define "bullying" as whatever the dictionary says because there is literally no other way.

>> No.2147814
File: 9 KB, 179x281, THANK GOD THEY ARENT BULLYING ME.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
[ERROR]

a unregenerate homosexual and a suicide? Is there a double hell for them to go to? Inquiring minds need to know.

>> No.2147815

Have you seen this dude's tumblr?

http://catchmeblondy.tumblr.com/

Fucking emo.

>> No.2147818

>>2147784
I hope this is a troll because it's rife with preachy, adolescent pomp, never delving any further than the most banal, superficial observations of the nature of bigotry and homophobia, served with some of the most irritating, cringe-worthy rhetorical flourishes I've ever seen (I FERVENTLY LOATHE I FERVANTLY LOATHE THIS IS SOMETHING WE HAVE TO TAKE INTO OUR OWN HANDS THIS IS SOMETHING WE HAVE TO TAKE INTO OUR OWN HANDS OH AND BULLYING - DON'T). Basically it reads like something an 8th grader was forced to write in detention after calling someone a faggot in class.

>> No.2147821

>>2147813
The problem with offering your own definition is illustrated here:
> If a person expresses negative reactions at your actions, you are bullying them.
this is absurdly wide. It would follow that if you were openly gay and attempting to associate with a homophobe you very well could be bullying them, assuming they expressed a "negative reaction."

Ok, I'm done. Hopefully you get the point. Can I ask what this is written for? Who is your imagined reader?

>> No.2147826

>>2147815
Stop bullying man. Not cool. Everyone is a loser in high school. I wrote some pretty terrible emo poems. Wasn't quite as bad as OP, but still.

>> No.2147830

>>2147815
hahahaowwow.jpg

>> No.2147831

>EXDEE IM SO LIBERAL NEW AGE

>> No.2147839

> Having an urge to cut me face…
then
> Cut my face. Fuck.

OP confirmed for our time's most insightful and hilarious conceptual artist. I think we've been trolled, but I don't even care. This is good.

>> No.2147847

>>2147815

>My favorite singers were lady gaga , Adele , Katy perry, and Jessie james, Christina aguilara and most of all I think KASIA!!!

well that explains everything

>> No.2147866

>>2147813
>who writes essays in support of bullying?
This guy.
http://www.myyearbook.com/?mysession=bWFnX2FydGljbGVfcmVhZCZhaWQ9NDYzODg=

>> No.2147885

>>2147866
I think the best thing about this article is the way it affirms the importance of learning to write and expressing yourself eloquently. The author almost has you half believing that bullying really is a good thing.

>> No.2147888

>>2147885
Oh, and of course, it demonstrates the value of selective quoting masterfully.

>> No.2147890

>>2147888
bleh forgot link

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/07/080717170428.htm

>> No.2147899

>>2147885
I was bullied quite badly as a child. I have to admit that deep down, I think I would be a worse person if I hadn't been bullied.

>> No.2147904

>>2147899
See when you write all prosaic and shit like that I recognize the appeal to false authority plainly.

>> No.2147910

murder everyone imo

>> No.2147915

>>2147904
I don't even know.

>> No.2148015

>>2147890
Oh man that is tricky. Props to this guy.

>> No.2148032

Wait up, found the original source:
http://ravenclawdia.tumblr.com/
Better than >>2147815, but still
>The dedication of this blog is split in seven ways: to Harry Potter, to Nerdfighteria, to Team Starkid, to Darren Criss, to Chris Colfer, to Doctor Who, and to the manic, amazing fandoms surrounding it all. And then some.

OP confirmed for teen girl