/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.21347147]

What should I change about my love letter to my assistant boss, which I plan to leave under her wiper blade on my last day?
(name),
I write this letter as I near leaving (company) again.
In truth, the main reason I came back was you.

I like your calm composure.
I like your long, gorgeous hair.
I love the way you inspire me to be better.
And although I'd carry on without you,
I'm sure I'd be much better off with you in my arms.
(cheesy enough yet?)

Though you turned me down once before,
I ask you only once more
Let's waste some time together.

(phone number)

[Anonymous No.21347157]

>>21347147
Anon you're so fucking autistic
Don't do it for the love of god I'm begging you
The cosmic cringe will blow a hole through the umiverse.

[Anonymous No.21347159]

>>21347147
This is not the way my dude.

[Anonymous No.21347167]

>>21347147
What ACTUALLY WORKS are extremely SHORT poems, short of like a haiku and don't mention people's physical appearance. Good luck

[Anonymous No.21347176]

>>21347157
>>21347159
I'm doin' it, so if you care so much, you'd better fix this letter.

>>21347167
Maybe you're right, but I wanted to create some variety.

[Anonymous No.21347178]

>>21347147
I mean, I don't like it, I wouldn't write like that, but that doesn't mean she won't be flattered. To my ear it sounds too stiff and lofty. Does she like that sort of thing?

I'd lose the first line, way too formal in my opinion. Talk more about how she makes you feel when you're with her, and how it'll feel if you never see her again. There's got to be something at stake here.

[Anonymous No.21347179]

>>21347147
>though you turned me down once before
Yeah it’s over

[Anonymous No.21347289]

>>21347147
bill is a nice man, i don't understand why he lets this demiurgic torture prison cut off from the light of the pleroma exist

[Anonymous No.21347320]

>>21347147
.. it doesn't even rhyme.. the fuck, anon!

you know what, you deserve to take advise from the flacid pork tube who calls everyone "my dude", that's about your level, you useless illiterate wagecuck.

JUST GRAB HER BY THE HAIR AND DRAG HER INTO YOUR VAN FFS

>>21347167
>What ACTUALLY WORKS are extremely SHORT poems
cos 999/1,000 white women under 50 can't even read.

this is actually good advise.

>>21347147
you better make this rhyme

[Anonymous No.21347324]

>>21347176
Fine, I'm at work so I can't post in great detail. I second what the other anon said, keep it short and dont mention her appearance. You can't afford to be seen as creepy. In that regard, PLEASE do not put it on her car. That comes off as vaguely threatening and it will instantly sink your whole endeavor. You have to give it to her directly, and not spill your spaghetti while you do it. That means you want to find a balance between confidence (too much looks forced) and vulnerability (too much makes you look pathetic). Hope it works for you.

[Anonymous No.21347327]

>>21347289
KEK

[Anonymous No.21347334]

>>21347147

(Name),

I came back to this company chiefly because I enjoyed working with you. You're also the thing I'll miss most about working here.

I'm on to bigger and better things, but would love to stay in touch. Let's get together for a drink some time soon.

Cheers,
(Anon)
(Phone number)

You still shouldn't do this, and just shoot your shot asking her out in person again, but if you must be autistic, try the above.

[Anonymous No.21347373]

>>21347147
I write this letter, with one hand,
"look at me jerking it, isn't life grand?!"
in truth the only reason i ever cum is you
as i imagine dragging you into the woods with one shoe,

your calm composure shattered,
your hair caked in dirt,
as if any of it mattered
as I pull open your shirt,

I love the way you stifle your cries for help from fear
because you know I'll knife to death the first fucker who comes near
and then I'd carry on regardless with my fist wrapped 'round your throat
making sure you got a good look at the fuckers bodys bloat'd
and decomposing, cos we've been in this little shed a while,
calm your tits, my dear PENELOPE, we're only here 'till you've had the child!

Though you tried to run on me once before you've found it harder since hobblin'
and though at first you shied away you've grown more eager to be gobblin',
I read somewhere that girls who've been fed on nothing but their husband jissom
soon forget their petty frets of a matrimonial prison,

let's waste some time together watching that dog-walkers body rotting
in the corner while you suckle me with my boot-tip up your bottom.

fin.

[Anonymous No.21347384]

>>21347147
Why are you putting every sentence on a new line? This isn't a fucking poem. Nothing about this is poetic. Stop trying to make it seem like a poem. Just write it normally you autist.

[Anonymous No.21347394]

>>21347324
>You have to give it to her directly, and not spill your spaghetti while you do it.
How do you suggest I eat from the tin of spaghetti with my plastic fork at the same time as i HAND HER THE FOLDED BIT OF TORN STATIONARY PAPER - I HAVE A HARD ENOUGH TIME NOT STARING AT HER TITS AND GURNING WHEN SHE'S IN THE ROOM

you raise the bar too high, anon.

[Anonymous No.21347399]

>>21347384
HE'S TRYING TO WRITE A POEM

.. isn't he? did i misunderstand

[Anonymous No.21347403]

>>21347373
Get help.

But also, that was kinda good.

[Anonymous No.21347443]

>>21347403
>Get help.
>But also, that was kinda good.
I bet the ungrateful OP won't even use it. Penelope will go unsatisfied.

[Anonymous No.21347448]

>>21347443
It was so good.
In an comedically absurd way that lets me see into your deranged fucking head.

[Anonymous No.21347469]

>>21347448
it's sad that you can't actually appreciate an intentionally surrealistic little funny rhyme without feeling the need to insult the author, you should leave your bedroom more often, OP. Perhaps then you'd have the courage to ask Fat Penny out for a bagel :D

[Anonymous No.21347476]

AT THE MACDONALDS

[Anonymous No.21347482]

>>21347147
Shell,

I am sorry for always using the word "global" when the defective simulation we are experiencing together is actually a vertical geometric projection, just like Laurence Fishburne said.

Do you want to go watch National Treasure on the moon this weekend? Also, the Tetragrammaton is actually made of Greek Pis and the number 7

love three

[Anonymous No.21347505]

>>21347482
Alan,

I am very well read and know everything about the author Laurence Fishburne. I'm seeing Natural Treasure with my boyfriend (Pete the valet) and I don't care to know about Greek piss.

I've forwarded this to HR.

Shell

[Anonymous No.21347513]

>>21347505

[Anonymous No.21347518]

This is the kind of autism I come to 4chan for. Godspeed, OP

[Anonymous No.21347556]

>>21347179
raucous laughter at this

OP, unless you're extremely tall and handsome, you can't get away with socially unique/unusual traits. You need to be a cookie cutter paypig simp if you want to find a woman companion, and don't expect genuine love from her. That is a visually inspired feeling that has a 6' 2" cutoff.

[Anonymous No.21347590]

OP here, these replies have broken what little of my spirit remained. I am offing myself in the stationary cupboard and am going to pin a simple post-it note to my tie with Her Name on it, and I shall not wear long sleeves, because I want her to see the scars on my arms and the tattoos I have of her face as Aphrodite riding on a sea shell with virgin cherub Me's dancing around her.

[Anonymous No.21347642]

>>21347590

Suicide is never the answer. God commanded us not to kill.

[Anonymous No.21347660]

>>21347556
>OP, unless you're extremely tall and handsome, you can't get away with socially unique/unusual traits
>simp
You're a faggot and a slave, too afraid to do anything because you "can't get away with it socially".

[Anonymous No.21347671]

>>21347660

[Anonymous No.21347680]

>>21347660

[Anonymous No.21347682]

>>21347680
I am 186cm but ok. My point still stands; you are a faggot.

[Anonymous No.21347683]

>>21347334
Just give her this, not in car but somewhere else where she'll find it like a place on her desk that's not gonna mix with other papers or in the place where you leave things for each other.

[Anonymous No.21347684]

>>21347334
Agreed. This is far better than the original.

[Anonymous No.21347690]

>>21347147
Naw boy don’t shew her that.

[Anonymous No.21347716]

>>21347682
alright, this is the internet and I'm 24ft tall.

[Anonymous No.21347733]

>>21347716
>ft
You're a amerimutt so your point is discarded entirely.

[Anonymous No.21347742]

>>21347733

[Anonymous No.21347752]

>>21347742
Post your height then mutt. You won't because you wouldn't be complaining about it if you were tall in the first place.

[Anonymous No.21347758]

>>21347147
Do it and post the restraining order.

[Anonymous No.21347767]

>>21347147
Please don’t do this.
Just ask them out like a normal person that isn’t going to murder their dog.

[Anonymous No.21347783]

>>21347752

[Anonymous No.21348301]

>>21347682
lmao so you wouldn't have any idea. you've just persisted in a socially privileged state without the informative exposure that composes the minimum to have a valuable opinion on the subject. you've never had to be brave in your life

[Anonymous No.21348359]

>>21347147
>Though you turned me down once before,

[Anonymous No.21348648]

Change the last word from arms to life and you're golden OP

[Anonymous No.21348707]

Once, some anons convinced me to not send a cringe inducing message on social media. I thank you for allowing me to return the favor. Much like myself at that time, posting in here asking for suggestions and possible changes shows there is still hope for you.
Stop it now, anon.
This isn’t normal. Maybe it was at some point, a hundred years ago, but not anymore. No letters. No poems. No flowers. No melodramatics. You ask her out, like a normal person, and that’s it.
>but it won’t work because of x
Then that’s that. Move on with your life and save some anon from their own autistic cringe in the future.

[Anonymous No.21348745]

>>21348707
If you like writing poetry, a poem actually is a nice gift, its just not a good way to ask someone out. A girl that you have been seeing will 100% be overjoyed if you write her a heart felt poem.

[Anonymous No.21348773]

>>21348745
Yea. Poems, flowers, sentimental things, all of these can be nice when you are dating. On the other hand, when you want to go against any common sense and autistically declare your love to your work colleague it’s best to keep it simple.

[Anonymous No.21348792]

>>21347147
terse works better than verse

[Anonymous No.21349829]

Its literally perfect OP. SEND IT!

[Anonymous No.21349833]

>>21347147
sounds like you're really just trying to get close to her to help the SEC investigate her for insider trading

[Anonymous No.21349853]

>>21347556
This, I'd rather be unique and alone than morph into a fucking Bateman so I can date cunts

[Anonymous No.21349855]

>>21347373
OP please give this to her. I'll send you $100 btc if you give this to her with proof.

[Anonymous No.21349865]

>this thread
I love autism. Anon make sure you post proof when you give her the poem. I guarantee she will find you irresistible.

[Anonymous No.21349887]

>>21347373
holy based

[Anonymous No.21349888]

>>21347147
Anon don’t do this. It doesn’t matter what kind of person you think she is. Overtly romantic gestures towards somebody you’re not already dating is super creepy, and you’re just going to freak her out or weird her out. Nobody wants a guy who can’t convey his feelings with more subtlety. I can guarantee you that if you give her this letter, she’s never going to talk to you again.

[Anonymous No.21349894]

>>21349888
don't listen to him OP. Haven't you watched a romcom before? Women like grand romantic gestures that require lots of bravery.

[Anonymous No.21349947]

>>21349894
True I didn’t consider that. OP make sure you ask her to fuck right away when she texts you. It’ll be just like a hentai doujin. Good luck man

[Anonymous No.21350886]

OP, please come back

[Anonymous No.21351016]

>>21347147
Do it. Last day; who cares what she thinks? You'll die either way. Rejection isn't that bad.

[Anonymous No.21351025]

>>21351016
Only put the second paragraph though. God speed!

[Anonymous No.21351027]

>>21347147
Though you turned me down once before,
I ask you again only this once more
Let's waste some time together.

Phone number