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/lit/ - Literature


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21047605 No.21047605 [Reply] [Original]

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>>21039136
>>21039136

/wg/ AUTHORS & FLASH FICTION: https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ
RESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONS: https://pastebin.com/nFxdiQvC

Please limit excerpts to one post.
Give advice as much as you receive it to the best of your ability.
Follow prompts made below and discuss written works for practice; contribute and you shall receive.
If you have not performed a cursory proofread, do not expect to be treated kindly. Edit your work for spelling and grammar before posting.

>> No.21047616
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21047616

>> No.21047619

>>21047605
https://youcanforgetthewords.com/
Been putting in more work messing w an odd style of writing, lmk what you anons think. The actual short stories are on the Further Reading page.

>> No.21047629
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21047629

>>21047616
Are you threatening me?

>> No.21047636

>>21047619
I think there's too much reliance on using dialogue for plain exposition. The characters say things to each other that they should already know.

>> No.21047733

>>21047619
I've read a little of Debate at Court. Writing speech in a way that tries to emulate unusual ways of speaking is an acquired taste. I think, generally, readers would rather read the dialogue cleanly, and then to have a description of how the character speaks, rather than to read an emulation of speech patterns.

So instead of "P-p-please s-sir!" it might be better to simply say "Please sir!" he said, stammering. You can tart up the description as much as you wish, but that would be the essence of it.

>> No.21047740
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21047740

I think making it ambiguous rather than confirming whether the main narrator is part of some alien hybrid race rather than full on schizo would make it more interesting

>> No.21047741
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21047741

From my editor:
>the market right now is only looking for two things. Post modernist works of fiction and YA if you can't do either of these don't bother.
Great. What the fuck even is post modern

>> No.21047751

>>21047741
It's a fancy word for le sardonic, nihilistic angst and irony. Modernism, realism, and postpostmodernism are the real good genres.

>> No.21047753

>>21047741
>What the fuck even is post modern
Usually just monologues about how terrible it is to be [insert demographic here]

>> No.21047760
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21047760

What do you guys think of the conclusion of the battle?

>> No.21047762

>>21047751
Isn't postpostmodernism just new sincerity?

>> No.21047768

>>21047753
oh yeah i tried to read gravity's rainbow and it was just twitter idpol stuff page after page, terrible

>> No.21047782

>>21047751
What do you qualify as modernism? Closest thing I can think of is Ulysses

>> No.21047821

>>21047762
Yes.
>>21047782
There's an enormous body of work from the actual modernist movement https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Literary_modernism But Woolf, Proust, and Joyce are good ones. I don't like Faulkner. Nightwood by Djuna Barnes, that's one never shown or talked about much.

>> No.21047830

>>21047740
grinning and bearing are oxymorons. Get rid of the grinning. You can then get rid of all the hate hate hate stuff. Just go,
>"Hate wasn't even a strong enough word for how much I despise the human race. Death to the entire species would be preferable."

>> No.21047836

>>21047821
Pshhhh that type of writing is never coming back no wonder Wallace killed himself. Look at the way society is right now, more obsessed with money, technology and sex than ever. Book sales are crashing so hard that everyone is self publishing werewolf sex pieces and making a dollar off it, like what the fuck is happening? Are we about to crash?

>> No.21047860

>>21047836
you need to realize that books in general, 99% of them are complete shit. Even back in the 1800's with all the "classics". We only read 1% of the crap produced because those were the best. Even today, 1% of books were worth reading, the others forgotten forever.

>> No.21047866

Notion for writing. Anyone have any experience with it?

>> No.21047875

I don't read, I let my delusions and manic episodes guide my writings

>> No.21047876

>>21047762
Yes, but don't confuse the neo-puritan social justice for new sincerity as some post leftists often claim. New sincerity hasn't quite manifested yet in mass media.

>> No.21047880

>>21047860
I mean I can understand that it's possible to plot out the amount of good literature to bad in say the 1800s but also remember that stories back then were fresh. They were fresh and new and interesting and without technology alot of shit was probably more interesting than the shit pumped out today. 99% of today's work is crap that I can agree with but idk about it back then I think that's a tough equation to solve because we weren't there.

All I'm saying is that I don't think we'll ever get another Joyce or Faulkner or Neitzche, sartre etc and instead maybe another Harry Potter wannabe that kids will eat up because they have to for school purposes.

>> No.21047900

>>21047880
And that's okay. Our culture loves super heroes and the fantasy of correcting the world in their own personal world view.

Older stories were mostly about trying to get rich. Look at Dickens.

In the 1920's it's about despair and tryign to find some hope of humanity

1980's was about being cuthroat and prepared. Morals be damned. Then there's the idea of isolation and desire to be accepted by any means necessary.

Today it's about trying to save the world, through a hopeful person. Which makes since. We keep hearing how the world is going to collapse, and we're all just waiting for someone to save us. First it's Obama, then Trump, now Biden.

>> No.21047931

>>21047636
>>21047733
Thanks for taking the time. On the speech thing, is it worth consideration that making the speech the way I did adds to a general feeling of disgust that wouldn't come through with descriptions? Or is it still not worth it? Thanks!

>> No.21047934

>>21047760
Get rid of the rape. It's disturbing

>> No.21048006

>>21047931
I was just talking about the first short story you had. I didn't read through all of them. Also you don't always have to make the speech be dialogue. You can just do internal monologue instead, which works better to deliver exposition. See: https://writingbythebook.wordpress.com/2010/11/13/juggling-and-the-bathtub-story/

>> No.21048022

>>21047900
Checked. And a pretty interesting perspective. I would say it's less about saving the world though and more about transcending mediocrity, i.e being superhuman. This fits better with the popularity of the antihero.

>> No.21048033

>>21047931
I think that when speech is written like that it has the unintended effect of being comical. In my experience, it is true with all dialects, no matter how serious the content is. The tone is lowered, perhaps, because the artifice is made very apparent, so it becomes something like watching/reading a puppet show.

It's a personal choice, as everything is, but there are things to consider with the approach.

>> No.21048135
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21048135

Saw there was a new thread and thought it might be opportune to actually post some writing for once. Didn't feel like sharing anything I've done up to now so I freestyled a 500 word scene. Idk if that's enough for feedback, but maybe you'll be interested in reading it and telling me what you think? Cheers.

>> No.21048153

When is an oxymoron good and an oxymoron considered bad? I've noticed, on this thread in particular, that whenever someone writes an oxymoron, it's immediately a point of criticism and ought to be corrected or removed.

Yet, I've also noticed in classics, such as Shakespeare, Heart of Darkness, the like, that oxymorons are used to quite the great effect. There's also other oxymorons, like jumbo shrimp, lead balloon, etc., that are commonly used, enough to the point where many don't know they're oxymorons at a first glance.

Does the difference here lie in the competency of the writer in question, with their usage of oxymorons that is the issue, or something to do with the writing zeitgeist?

>> No.21048179

>>21048153
When it's used appropriately. Jumbo shrimp is fine because it's a really big shrimp, it doesn't conflict an action or noun. A bad one is: he ran slowly. That makes no sense.

>> No.21048219
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21048219

Respectfully requesting your advice -

I've decided to write my very first sci-fi story after years of writing and publishing literary fiction. Though I'm going to keep the story more literary and character-focused, the setting, mechanics, and futuristic concepts are all a new frontier for me. It's as exciting as it is humbling.

Given that I'm so unfamiliar with this genre, is there anything specific you think I should include, be wary of, or avoid in my story? In preparation, I'm reading through the latest Clarkesworld as well as watching a bunch of sci-fi films from the past twenty years, hoping to get a reading on where the genre's at and make sure my idea hasn't been played-out to death. Prior to this week, my sci-fi knowledge extended solely to Mass Effect and Firefly. I hadn't even seen Star Wars.

Any advice you can spare would be greatly appreciated.

>> No.21048230

>>21047860
So you're saying I just meed to publish 100 books and I'll make it into the canon?

>> No.21048248

>>21047605
How come /wg/ bread became so souless?

>> No.21048250
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21048250

Which one looks the best?

>> No.21048255

>>21048250
Barbed arrows or the... I dunno what they look like.

>> No.21048268

what's the difference between creative non fiction and fiction (beyond the perspective)? I took a creative non fiction workshop and wrote everything like it was a short story and no one knew the difference (actually really well received)

>> No.21048307

>>21048248
Because of no-effort anons like you, who expect the rest of us to entertain you?
Be the change you want to see in the thread.

>> No.21048433

>>21047860
A book being good doesn't mean it'll sell.

>> No.21048441
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21048441

>>21047605
>loosely planned out the next two chapters
>read through old work and saw that it was good; dialogue tight, clean narrative, good metaphors and prose
>bloomer core playlist thumping in the background
We're all making it. This is the year of hope.

>> No.21048452

>>21048433
this is also true. I think Moby Dick was a failure when it released.

>> No.21048465

>>21048452
And the first volume of "In Search Of Lost Time" by Proust failed to find a publisher, and so it ended up being self-published.

>> No.21048549
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21048549

https://losetouchcompletely.gumroad.com/l/20192021

"2019-2021"

OUT NOW

for free....

the poetry book everyone has been talking about...

>> No.21048741
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21048741

I'm improving bros, I can see it with my own eyes. I'm changing. I'm morphing. I'm growing.

We're all gonna make it. Whether you like it or not.

>> No.21048766

Semicolons are gay and I refuse to use them. That is all.

>> No.21048816

This is the first 3 chapters of my novel.
I would love some critique. Or, just general impressions since I'd like to gauge the effectiveness of my style.
I've never found thoughtful responses to my work anywhere. I hope to find it here.

>Chaper 1:
>Safe from the blue from the irr. And this truck went in it. Safe. Something of red in it back to the blue to the red. This truck and something extra. Listen. The nearby something extras in front of the truck. The man in front of the truck trampled from front to back safe from the blue. And all this while the man scooped shovels of dirt and trampled from front to back. The other and the clay sighed for something of red. The irritant lay in something of red and laughed.

>>The workers whistled, averting eyes. Laboring in avoidance of blue. Filling the truck. Filling it. Oh god, the irritant. GOD the irritant. God help us all, one cried. Throwing down the shovel as eyes gazed. Extraordinary. Extra ordinary. There was nothing ordinary in this man. The irritant, laying in red, laughs and laughs. The blue, he can not avoid the blue. ARE YOU MAD!?

>Chapter 2
>Days since last accident: 0
>Mumbles about a good man, but nobody lasts forever. The truck is filled, they rearrange, refill the hole that had become just slightly shallower that day. Yellow passes through.

>Chapter 3: Green passes through
>So, look here, I said listen. Right here's the best money guys like us can make, right? So yeah, it's rough work, but what you going to do?
>What you going to fuckin' do?
>It's like, how many though? Not everyone can take it, you know? Digging holes? It's more than that tho ain't it?
>Don't make sense.
>I know it.
>So look, all I'm saying, ALL I'm saying. What are the chances of being THE ONE. You know? It's like, day by day, it's less then one percent. 250 days since the last accident? There be like... you know, a lot of us? So day by day, all I'm saying, it'l like 1 in 10,000 or something. Something like that.
>"Who's paying us?" one clear voice spoke out. "What are we accomplishing digging these dame holes? We dig all fucking year until one of us spazzes out and dies, and then we bury the fucker and start over. What the fuck is that about?"
>Good money, man, though, telling you. BEST guys like us can ever do so it don't matter if one of us gets cau
>Mumbles about a good man
> “Every job I ever worked, there’s a reason for it. Making pizza, or flipping burgers, answering phones, or shit, even digging holes if there is a reason for it. And I’ll tell you this, not once did I ever get paid from someone and not know who the fuck is paying me.”
>Let it go man, just let it go.
>”Fuck this, I quit.” He threw down his gloves. “You sheeple want to keep risking your lives every day, that’s on you.” The door slammed, gazing eyes searched around. Someone should speak now.

>> No.21048824

>>21048766
Show me where the semicolon touched you anon

>> No.21048855

>>21048824
In da butt ;(
I just think they're ugly. Not quite a colon, not quite a comma. Awkward looking little shits.

>> No.21048863

In this thread cause I want to write rap lyrics. Any tips or suggestions? It's been a few years since I've last written anything.

>> No.21048890
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21048890

Based.

>> No.21049001
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21049001

Judge my first attempt at a novel, \lit\. Rip me a new asshole if you want. It's clearly inspired by DFW, although I'm taking it in my own direction. He is largely the inspiration for the setting/writing style. If you think it sucks tell me. If you thinks it's interesting tell me. I'll never improve without feedback. Whoever replies I will gladly rate and critique their work I'm return.

https://pastebin.pl/view/e179f062

>> No.21049071

Are there any sites I can post my writing that are 100% censorship free?

>> No.21049078

>>21049071
All sites are subject to law, anon.

>> No.21049079

>>21048268
Fiction is made up. Non fiction is real. Writing about my trip to the shops is non fiction, if I add in a dragon it's fiction.
>>21048219
Can you give a basic rundown of your story?
>>21049071
Archive of our own?

>> No.21049085

>>21049078
1st amendment. Nothing I'm saying is illegal, just extremely, extremely offensive.
>>21049079
It says it's for fanfic. Is it fanfic only and how 'censorship free' are we talking here?
Unless it's 4chan-tier freedom of speech I'm gonna be banned.

>> No.21049175
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21049175

>>21047900
>Today it's about trying to save the world, through a hopeful person
??? None such stories existed in the last 15 years, what are you on about
Show me a hopeful character
All modern characters are either jaded and cynical or just neurotic
so that zoomers can relate

>> No.21049201
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21049201

>>21047605
How do I effectively pull off a "everyone dies at the end" ending without it feeling cheap, forced, or worst of all, middling?

>> No.21049208

>>21047605
>"I.. think that's about it"
>"I-". He paused. "Think that's about it"

What's the "proper" way to write dialogue where an awkward character has this habit of trailing off his/her sentences? I gravitate to just using "...", but I admit I'm not very sure how to go about this

>> No.21049240

>>21048863
Just write

>> No.21049276

One chapter down. Twelve to go.
>https://files.catbox.moe/hje8a9.pdf

>> No.21049340

I need help, I'm in the middle of writing my second chapter of children turned super soldiers.
I want to give a certain trait that lets some children live and others die.
Currently my best choice is that they're "Strong enough to survive."
But do you guys have any suggestions you think might work better?

>> No.21049349

>>21049340
The surviving half got the dying half to sacrifice themselves.

>> No.21049366
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21049366

>>21049001
The intro is just sad. Why would you think anyone would care about YOU? It's irrelevant to the rest of the text. Cut it.
And your chapters aren't even chapters, they're just a couple paragraphs. You are allowed to shift focus without calling it a new chapter every time, you know.
>My ears are ringing like a flash bang
A flashbang doesn't ring. Your ears do after getting hit by one, but the grenade itself doesn't, so you should say "My ears are ringing like after a flashbang", but even that sounds awkward because who says that?
>"What did it say?.. Something about
This is wrong. You don't put ellipsis after a question mark. If you want to show him trailing off you do it like this...?
>"Was that God.. or an advertisement?"
Only two periods is incorrect for an ellipsis.
With just these handy adjustments, you work will clearly improve.

>> No.21049371

>>21049340
Having a specific bloodtype. Like AB- or something

>> No.21049375

>>21049201
picrel had to tie-in with a video game where none of these characters existed, so that's hardly sporting.

>> No.21049451

>>21049201
Force them to have no alternative, such as if they don't die, then a worse fate than death awaits the people/places they are protecting. Or they knowingly go into an unwinnable battle for any valid reason, and they don't win said battle.
>>21048766
I love semicolons; I could use them all day long.

>> No.21049504
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21049504

You ARE writing, aren't you anon? Effort pays off little by little.

>> No.21049527
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21049527

>>21047740
>all those unnecessary words, especially the unnecessary adverbs

Read elements of style ASAP nigger

>> No.21049539
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21049539

>>21049504
God told me ahead of time what writing will and will not be good, so I'm just waiting for now.

>> No.21049542

is copywork really effective
>https://www.craftyourcontent.com/copywork-daily-writing-routine/

>> No.21049548

>>21047740
You should reconsider where you have and particularly don't have paragraph breaks, and also you're missing a hyphen.

>> No.21049554

>>21049504
Yeah but schoolwork and work-work are getting in the way

>> No.21049581

>>21049554
>schoolwork
You have to be 18 to use this site.

>> No.21049585

>>21049581
>he went to university at under 18
Well excuuuuse me, princess

>> No.21049593

>>21049585
>schoolwork
Not
>uni work

>> No.21049594

>>21049593
I have never in my life heard anyone say that. Not once.

>> No.21049598

>>21049594
Don't unis require work where you are?

>> No.21049610

>>21049598
>wants to fit in so uses a 4chan catchphrase
>gets called out for being an idiot
>desperately tries to save face by being "clever"
Go fly a kite, kid.

>> No.21049612
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21049612

>>21049581
>https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/school

>> No.21049616
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21049616

>>21049612
I don't see that in my dictionary

>> No.21049617

>>21049542
Im thinking I should do this. I have read some books multiple times and that does work but writing it really slows you down to appreciate every part. Cant really overtake my own writing especially with my day job but I could copy a short story every other week easily.

>> No.21049620
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21049620

>>21049616

>> No.21049623

>>21049610
Nta but I hear europeans refer to college as Uni plenty of times.

>> No.21049626

>>21049071
catbox.moe?
Is Reddit too censorious for you, then?

>> No.21049635

Any tips on writing a conflict between three friends without it feeling too forced?

>> No.21049639

>>21049620
That's on par with the definition for "literally" being "not literally". If the word is defined to include the specific thing it was coined to exclude, the word is void of meaning. Americans really are retarded.

>> No.21049647

>>21049623
I think in Europe college and uni are different things, but European unis are what Americans would consider colleges

>> No.21049648

>talking to someone about writing relationships in books
>anon make sure you show explicit consent
>my book intentionally does not show consent until the ending

>> No.21049656

>>21049639
To be fair you seem like the real retard here

>> No.21049657

>>21049647
Nah, a European college is where you become like an engineer or some shit, university is where you get masters degrees and shit

>> No.21049659

>>21049657
How does this contradict what I just wrote?

>> No.21049663

>>21049659
So a college is a college and a university is a university in both places

>> No.21049665

>>21049639
How is "school" excluding "institution for education"? It's not on par at all.
Have you never heard someone say "that's a good school" when talking about a university?

>> No.21049667
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21049667

I'm sorry for starting a semantic argument between all you fine people.

>> No.21049679

>>21049647
In Aus a college is where you live while at uni while a uni is the place that educates you.

>> No.21049689

In Russia, college is educated by you.

>> No.21049694

>>21049663
>A "college" in the US formally denotes a constituent part of a university, but in popular usage, the word "college" is the generic term for any post-secondary undergraduate education. Americans "go to college" after high school, regardless of whether the specific institution is formally a college or a university.

>> No.21049698
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21049698

>>21049667
>has no problems in her cozy life whatsoever
>lives in 1st world country
>"everything is le bad... I sure wish I weren't living through a major historical event xD first covid now this?? damn 2022 is crazy!"
Shut the fuck up holy shit

>> No.21049701

>>21049679
this makes no fucking sense

>> No.21049740

>>21049635
Have their core values clash.
>Friend 1 holds that X is good
>Friend 2 holds that X is bad
>Friend 3 holds that only Y can be good

>> No.21049746

>>21049626
Something permanent like SS or RR. Don't think one exists.

>> No.21049772

>>21045289
You have to go for it. The only crime worse than being a CWC or Breen is boring your audience with mediocrity and cowardice.

>> No.21049775

>>21049701
Agreed, they're all butcherings of the UK system. But almost no one ever refers to college as they're mostly for international students in Aus, so it's way less retarded than US PhD students sounding like 5 year olds.

>> No.21049776

>>21048890
I'll have to read this, pretty true in my experience (although Aristotle has a few bangers).

>> No.21049785

>>21049594
I say it sometimes. It's an alternative form and can sound a bit odd - we would generally just say work or homework or be more specific - but it is a word you will hear.

No one says "uni" here in any context except to communicate with obvious Yuro-influenced ESLs. University is "University" or "College", never just uni.

t. American who went to school on the other side of the country.

>> No.21049791

>>21049785
Australians have a compulsive need to shorten everything and university is a long word.

>> No.21049794

>>21049775
Most universities call their broadest groupings of departments colleges as well. The confusion comes from some independent colleges expanding without dropping the name college.

>> No.21049802

>>21049794
We call them faculties, and the narrower groupings schools. This is in Australia where no one calls uni school.

>> No.21049804

>>21049791
No judgement! The point of language is to be understood and the way you speak is internally consistent. It would be just as inauthentic to insert "uni" into an American setting as it would be to remove it from an Australian one though.
If an American ever uses it, the chances are very good they are trying to facilitate communication with a usually-ESL foreigner. Could be a decent word to have an American character use when talking to a foreigner in such a way specifically.

>> No.21049807

I just want someone to read my story.

>> No.21049820

>>21049807
You shoulda submitted to unreal last thread for critique (that episode will be in the next few days)

>> No.21049825

I just want OP to put my story in it already

>> No.21049874

>>21049825
OP is for novels and other long-form fiction.

>> No.21049924

>>21049820
What's that?

>> No.21049929

>>21049698
>1st world country
Anon, she's Russian...

>> No.21049941

>>21049924
Maybe nobody reads your story because you don't actually read the thread and engage with it?

>> No.21050051

>>21049924
Unreal Press is the only group on /lit/ anons (that I know of) trying to build a platform in the youtube/podcast sphere. They've interviewed Gardner, Krake, Zulu, discussed BAP, Card, Ma is on the agenda, etc.

It's kinda shit but it's getting better.

>> No.21050093

>>21050051
>every episode isn't circle jerking exclusively to my posts/work
DROPPED

>> No.21050134

>>21049366
Duly noted. Thank you sir

>> No.21050136

Is it possible to write a jumpscare?

>> No.21050144
File: 915 KB, 1457x845, queenatdinner.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21050144

>>21047605
The Queen Of England has died, and so has concluded the Whore's ride upon her Dragon as told in Revelations.

>> No.21050181
File: 24 KB, 414x360, 05sotired.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21050181

>see new writing thread
>"hey, I've never contributed here before, maybe I'll write something rq and drop in for once"
>post a short, three minutes writing sample and leave it overnight
>14 hours later, not a soul has commented on it
Does anyone here actually still read?

>> No.21050213

>>21050181
>maybe I'll write something rq and drop in for once
Which one? I'll read it. But lets be clear that you're not doing me any favors by shitting out a few lines of poorly edited dribble, stumbling into a general you haven't bothered to lurk, and asking me to read it - I would be doing you the favor by reading it.

>> No.21050238

>>21049201
Literally all the deaths in the show you posted are unnecessary. This anon >>21049451 is right though - if you want to weave in some meaning into the deaths, you could have them serve as a kind of proof of the strength of character of these people - they pick death over dishonour, or whatever it is they are choosing between. That would be one way to do it. There are other ways too - basically, you just have to give some sort of "telos" to the deaths. It's probably easier if they die all at once, since you won't have to deal with character dynamics and the way death changes those, and can instead focus on more grand-scale stuff like the meaning of a life and a death, whatever message you want to weave into the deaths etc.
>>21049208
IMO it's almost impossible to convey exact speech patterns and usually it's not really necessary so long as the readers are aware that the character is awkward - they'll just imagine it anyway. I'd go either for the first option or mix it together, kind of like this:
>"I-... I think that's about it."
>>21049635
If they are different people and have closeness, there can be lots of conflict. Not sure what the problem is.
>>21049648
Rule 1 for writers: DON'T ever follow to the advice of other people. Rule 2 for writers: DO consider that advice and carefully evaluate if it's useful.
>>21049929
Speaking as a yuro, Russia looks pretty comfy atm t b h. I had saved up some money and now like 1/3 of it is worthless because of inflation and currency collapse.

>> No.21050247

>>21050213
I know anon. I should specify though, I have been browsing /wg/ for a long time. I just never shared any of my writing because of my specific type of autism. Anyway, you can find my post here. >>21048135

>> No.21050254
File: 262 KB, 723x308, 1621588209839.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21050254

>>21050238
>Russia looks pretty comfy atm t b h
Yeah, if you think living in absolute poverty and getting forcibly conscripted for a deluded war is comfy.
Russia is hell. It always has been. I have a 300-year bloodfeud with them.

>> No.21050256
File: 82 KB, 780x960, lit-15.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21050256

>>21047605
Is there any advice for writing non-fiction and works that are not a story or narrative?

>> No.21050259
File: 14 KB, 474x471, th-3913722188.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21050259

>>21050256
Essays is what i am writing, that are meant for the public, not for academics or grading.

>> No.21050278

>>21050254
Sure it is)))

>> No.21050287

>>21050278
Yes. Why don't you go there and find out.

>> No.21050288

>>21050254
Anon... Russia is economically better off than at the start of the war... the only people getting conscripted is a limited number of military reservists...
>also inb4 you're from the Baltics
>>21050256
>>21050259
In my experience, it is best to retain some features of the academic structure - intro (claim, methodology, relevant sources if there are any), argumentation (here you can really go wild and do whatever you want in a non-academic context) and conclusion where you sum up what you said and point out how everything lines up to prove your claim.
Have fun.

>> No.21050290

>>21050287
I'm already there

>> No.21050293

>>21050247
A lot of duplicative verbs, line one he walks and swaggers - just say swagger. Layer she looks up and meets his gaze, just meet his gaze.

Extra commas for example end of first paragraph. Read everything you write aloud to edit it.

Stylistically I wasn't nuts about the quantity exclamations from a 3rd narrator although his dickishness was entertaining.

Read up/watch pyramid of abstraction and revise 3rd paragraph where we keep talking about how she's the apitomy of grace and beauty and elegance.

Overall had fun personality content-wise but needs serious editing and made more concrete.

>> No.21050295

>>21047605
I did it again /wg/
I put down my authors pen and took up my critique one
What i wrote was honest and fair, but brutal.
I still feel dirty
Next thing you know i'll apply to become a teacher

>> No.21050303

Kaiju shenanigans
>I had only ever read up on her file. Saw a couple pictures and videos, but seeing her at work in person was a whole other experience. Even though the redwoods were taller than either of them, their combined presence was far, far greater. Yet there was a definitive difference between not just the way they looked, but the manner in which they moved.
>It was hulking. Every footstep made the ground beneath me quake, even though I was half a mile away. Just it moving at all sounded like a billion knuckles popping at once. It's weight felt like it could be in the hundreds of thousands of tons.
>But she moved differently. The grace, the finesse, the weightlessness. She moved like a normal human grown to giant size. With every dodge and blow, it was like she was fighting someone in slow motion.
>It was like they obeyed two different rulebooks when it came to physics. I couldn't let this distract me, however. I needed to watch for signs of any special skills this beast might have had.

>> No.21050324

I want to start writing. Fantasy specifically. Do I need to go over guides/courses about world building and other things like that before I start or does it not really matter? Should I just write what comes to mind and see where it goes instead?

>> No.21050333

>>21050324

Read one piece, LOTR, wheel of time, etc. Helps to see how the masters do it first.

>> No.21050334
File: 12 KB, 194x259, a2d0f91d347731db.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21050334

You are a cancer upon this earth. You are subhuman. You destroy everything you touch. The land you walk on becomes blighted. There can be no peace or safety on this Earth so long as your hordes seek to increase your territory, which you ever must as all the land you live on dies.
In poverty and squalor you live, serfs to your masters, ignorant of the world and filled with a false pride in the dungheap you call home. When this home cannot sustain you, you set forth to seek new land, but this land is the land of another, and so you must seek their destruction for your own benefit. It is only to destroy that you've been taught, for to build and tend and mend and nurture is contrary to your low nature.
You are orcs, plain and simple, and do every orcish thing under the sun with no rhyme or reason. You pollute your rivers, you grow ill with HIV in numbers only seen in Africa, and you refuse to correct any of your wrongdoing, for your hearts delight in all things evil, whether this evil be done unto your enemies or even upon yourselves.
Plague not this board and this general, for here we build things, meager as they are and clumsy from lack of experience of learning. Yet the attempt is made, and it comes from the love of our hearts for creation and the word and the magic words weave in the hearts and minds of others. It is not for you. You twist words, you impel them to falsehoods and wickedness to serve your low purposes and spill poison in the ears of all too unwary to shut your voices out.
This is a good place, if not in quality then in intent. Darken it no more with your countenance. The stench of you sickens true and honest men.
Heaven preserve us.

>> No.21050343

>>21050293
>A lot of duplicative verbs, line one he walks and swaggers - just say swagger. Later she looks up and meets his gaze, just meet his gaze.
That's interesting. I am big on gestures and movements so I try to give more detail on this - consequently mistakes like this skip my editing filter. You're right. I'll keep a more vigilant eye out for this stuff from now on.
>Stylistically I wasn't nuts about the quantity exclamations from a 3rd narrator although his dickishness was entertaining.
Yeah this was something I wanted to experiment with a bit here. I am thinking of writing a story in that style - long term commitment. Usually I try to get all that stuff across in dialogue lines and thought lines, but that chops up my paragraphs too much and seems to introduce a sort of... dissipated effect, I think? So I've been thinking of consolidating that stuff in narration instead, to increase the pace and tie things in more seamlessly. Still haven't decided whether to use this style or not, but I am thinking of banking on it, since I am hoping to make a bunch of money off this story so it'll (probably) need to be good.
>Read up/watch pyramid of abstraction and revise 3rd paragraph where we keep talking about how she's the apitomy of grace and beauty and elegance.
Yeah, I see the problem - goes on a bit too long and doesn't mesh in too well with the surrounding paragraphs.
>Overall had fun personality content-wise but needs serious editing and made more concrete.
Thanks anon. Glad to know the good and the bad.

>> No.21050369

>>21048816
Someone critique this.

>> No.21050373

>>21048816
>>21050369
I looked at it when I was scrolling through the thread today but I had no idea what I was looking at so I just assumed you were trolling.
>>21050295
If you do become a teacher, make sure to work at a private school. My sister is currently teaching at a public school and now she unironically wants to an hero.
>>21050324
Don't do guides, they're useless. What matters is practice. Guides can give you some useful tips, tricks and ideas, but they can't actually teach you the skill in any capacity.
>>21050334
Nice shitpost anon. Now go write something serious.

>> No.21050382
File: 47 KB, 640x480, the world needs laughter.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21050382

>>21050373
>something serious

>> No.21050391

>>21049366

Looking back after some editing you're absolutely right. Helped the presentation dramatically. This anon knows what's up.

>> No.21050406

>>21050382
Hmm okay. In that case let me rephrase. Write something seriously. Even if it's a comedy!

>> No.21050433
File: 829 KB, 2000x2008, kws-irish-festival-4-bb5c5112e95b410e.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21050433

>>21050288
>Russia is economically better off than at the start of the war
It does have a great deal less mouths to feed and tanks to supply with fuel, that is true.

Thanks for the esaay advice.

>> No.21050436
File: 32 KB, 291x370, Emanon.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21050436

>>21050406
She lit up and felt better already. Something was missing though. A quick survey of the living room revealed the stereo wasn't on, so she quickly remedied the situation. The smooth tunes of Bob Marley filled the house and she danced across the carpet, trying not to trip over cats. She poured them catnip, because if momma got to have fun, so should her babies.
She went to the kitchen to check if she'd filled their foodbowls. She had. But when had she changed the water? Better do that now, just in case. Then she found crackers in the cupboard, tried to eat some. They were too dry, so she buttered them up.
Eating fatty stuff was no good, even though it was so good to eat. She'd end up with fatty thighs and couldn't wear tight jeans like Tea did. Had she locked the door after Tea left? She had to go check. She pushed down on the handle. It was locked. A small relief. But there was still a nagging sensation in the back of her mind. Had she changed the cats' water or not? She went into the kitchen and checked, but couldn't tell if the water was new or old.
She switched it just to be sure. She kept huffing and trying to mellow out, but it just wasn't happening. Had she really, really checked the door? She went to check again. Just one last time. And then she saw it.
The handle was down. Someone had tried to open it. Someone was tryng to get into her house.
"Oh fuck, oh Jesus fuck!"

>> No.21050441
File: 162 KB, 307x339, 1661061273613865.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21050441

>>21049240
>Just write

>> No.21050451

>>21050433
You're very wrong about that, it's being flooded with refugees right now

>> No.21050457
File: 77 KB, 658x1024, 1650552582458m.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21050457

>>21050451
From where exactly?

>> No.21050462

>>21050457
...DNR and LNR

>> No.21050479

>>21050433
You're welcome anon. As much as I'd like to talk more, I can't get too much into political detail on this board. Cheers.
>>21050436
I didn't mean like that! I meant writing on your own, for yourself or some goal or another. But this is good. I am surprised you cooked it up so quickly, on the spot. Am I free to assume that the protagonist is a schizo femcel? In any case, good work anon. Well written, I like your style and delivery - it works very well with the narrative content.
>>21050441
I don't recommend writing rap, and especially sharing it with others. I tried it when I was 19. Still cringe really hard to this day, and was unwise enough to let other people know too.

>> No.21050493

>>21050479
> I am surprised you cooked it up so quickly, on the spot.
I didn't, it's from a book I'm writing. Just translated into English.
>a schizo femcel
She's just experiencing marijuana induced paranoia. I know some irl who developed schizophrenia from smoking pot so I've got a nice case study for it.

>> No.21050504

>>21050324
Just start writing and edit your writing to see what works - best way to learn. Oncr you have a really refined 1k word sample think about getting critique to find your blindspots.

Read/listen to writing craft stuff in the side to learn useful concepts you fan try applying as you write. Do not waste time learning how to worldbuild, or world building in general beyond 1 page of text until you have 10k+ words of quality prose.

>>21050343
Happy to look at it, regarding the 3rd paragraph what I mean is not the length - I'd personally prefer different level of abstraction in the descriptions. E.g. describe a freckled nose between doe brown eyes, a fat ass that leaves strain lines on her skirt, or somerhing else sensory/tactile in scene rather than "elegant, astonishing, radiant"

>> No.21050509

>>21050493
>I didn't, it's from a book I'm writing. Just translated into English.
What language is the original in?
>She's just experiencing marijuana induced paranoia. I know some irl who developed schizophrenia from smoking pot so I've got a nice case study for it.
Man, ever since a couple of days ago I've been seeing discussion of the link between weed and schizophrenia everywhere. Pretty strange. It's a sad thing though. Hope your acquaintance is doing better.

>> No.21050520

>>21050509
>What language
Finnish.
>Hope your acquaintance is doing better
I'm sorry to say this isn't something you really bounce back from. At least I've been properly warned never to try that shit.

>> No.21050533

>>21050504
>Happy to look at it, regarding the 3rd paragraph what I mean is not the length - I'd personally prefer different level of abstraction in the descriptions. E.g. describe a freckled nose between doe brown eyes, a fat ass that leaves strain lines on her skirt, or somerhing else sensory/tactile in scene rather than "elegant, astonishing, radiant"
Good point, now that I think about it, a good way to fix that paragraph would be to actually expand it a bit. Squeeze in a bit more description of Olivia right before the "Ah" part. The other stuff from before that, I'd like to keep for the extra description of the environment and her mannerisms, since they show more about her personality.

>> No.21050578

writing something with multiple first person povs
anyone have any tips on how to make sure the different voices are distinct?

>> No.21050591

>>21050578
Vocabulary and sentence structures should do it. How does this person think? How do they talk? Is how they talk drastically different from how they think?

>> No.21050615

>>21050520
>Finnish.
Ah, the scary language. You have my respect.
>I'm sorry to say this isn't something you really bounce back from. At least I've been properly warned never to try that shit.
That is sad to hear. I hope this person makes a recovery sooner or later.

>> No.21050648

>>21050591
>sentence structures
do you mean as simple as longer sentences vs shorter ones, and specific punctuation?

>> No.21050656

>>21050648
As shrimple as that, yes. But also things like fragments, like a person whose thoughts jump from topic to topic on a superficial level, or someone else focuses on specific details for longer.
There are as many ways of narrating as there are people who do it, so if you know your character you can easily distinguish the way they would narrate events.

>> No.21050661

>>21050479
>I don't recommend writing rap, and especially sharing it with others. I tried it when I was 19. Still cringe really hard to this day, and was unwise enough to let other people know too.
What was so bad about it? What went wrong?

>> No.21050667

>>21048153
"incel" is a bad oxymoron.

>> No.21050676

>>21050656
thank you, given me plenty to consider

>> No.21050717

>>21050661
Everything lol. Bad composition and bad delivery. RAP is tightly associated with a specific subculture - if you aren't already a part of it, it is better not to bother. Even if you become technically competent, unless you belong with that subculture you'll never make it in and you'll never fit in.

>> No.21050769

What is the most obscene Royal Road story you've read?

I just want to get a grasp at what Royal Road allows, and there's probably no better way, other than the rules, than to take a look at the depths the stories written go to.

>> No.21050829

>>21050717
I'm curious, what subculture are you referring to? Youth? Urban? Poor, and destitute?

>> No.21050910

>>21050829
I assume he means your local rap scene? If you live in a place that has one you can probably tell how and if you even want to fit in with them. I don't see why you can't write and produce your own music from your bedroom like half the underground artists these days. That said I've known lone wolf white rappers in my hick area and it was always cringe. That may have changed in the last 10+ years but I don't know and I don't know you.

As for writing advice, take a song you like and tweak it line by line until it's a new one. Practice different rhymes within that rythm. Sounds kind of hack I know, but really there's only so much flow to go around. with any luck it will help you understand how lyrics go together and inspire you to write your own from scratch.

>> No.21050960

Sometimes I write out sections from books I like because I enjoy the physical action of writing but can't think of anything to put down. It's kind of cool to "feel the flow" of better writers.

>> No.21050967

>>21050829
All the rappers in my area - and my country in general - are criminals from a specific background. Their music typically revolves around those two things - their criminal activity and their background. If you can't fit in with that, you may be making technically impressive music, but it won't be real rap - it will be your own, personal, dorky brand of shit.
I used to be really into rap and I still listen to it and enjoy it occasionally, although lately I am listening to another, semi-related genre. I'd never try to make rap again though. Of course, YMMV - your life, your choices.
>>21050910
>That said I've known lone wolf white rappers in my hick area and it was always cringe.
This, a million times.
>t. urban white who was still cringe
If I still had the energy and the desire, I'd go into EDM music production - that seems to be where whites typically work at these days. Not much "writing" and "lyrics" there though.

>> No.21050975

If anyone has some time, can you preread my Adah story so it feels somewhat competent

https://docs.google.com/document/d/11q39jdlnZxvZe5jRuz8bpfESLQikJDOnV5ixJSht7uE/edit?usp=drivesdk

>> No.21050983

>>21050769
Doubt you'll find anyone qualified to help you with that question here. Maybe try "old man reincarnated as a succubus/girl with a big surprise" or something like that - the premise/title were so ridiculous I just had to check it out. Skimmed a few chapters and it was kind of explicit iirc. The other big nsfw story I saw on RR was some slave harem shit but I don't normally read nsfw so I didn't check it out.

>> No.21051016

>>21050769
The Vespidian is probably the most obscene in the sense of being the fucking weirdest with the porn scenes.
Yes I did jerk off to them, especially the ones where Vesper turns her wasp pussy inside out and fuggs the robot lady with it.

>> No.21051027

>>21051016
w-wasp pussy?

>> No.21051033

>>21051027
Wasp.
Pussy.
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/6773/the-vespidian
Honestly this story has to be the work of a schizophrenic furfag or something, but it's still better than Worm so I guess it's worth a read.

>> No.21051054

>>21051033
>it's still better than Worm
lmao
Never read Worm but all my weird autistic friends were jacking it off non-stop.

>> No.21051061

>>21051054
Worm is basically 8 arcs of decent heroing, then ~22 more arcs of complete fucking retardation, powerlevelfaggotry, and the author forcing the world to turn into some kind of Cthulhu mythos ripoff with more sci-fi elements. Then he wrote a sequel which was also shit. All together I'm pretty sure Worm and Ward are about 3 million words, of which about 300k are worth reading.
This shit, on the other hand, is entirely worth reading if only to try to figure out exactly what variety of mental patient wrote it and also to jerk off to the porn parts.

>> No.21051062

EATING A PERSIMMON.

sunrise breaks blue and orange at the toe of your step

to me

o youth-bright god of the tropic of capricorn.

i knew you when you were just a boy--

i kissed your mouth

a water meadow,

as just a girl,

and it lifted every curse on earth.

still, let the others their freedom to concoct

apparitions of evil

as, like fish in a fishtank, they see their reflection, and threaten it.

to see your face again and again, in the facets of a flawless yellow diamond-- would only that you were a chimera of you--

i lean back, eyes black, and eat a persimmon on your lap.

>> No.21051083

>>21051062
Hey anon, that's pretty good. I love the way it flows. Usually I hate poetry because it confuses my brain, but this one is fun. And only the last five lines really confuse me! I am sure there is a ton of symbolic nuance I am missing out on, though.

>> No.21051094
File: 273 KB, 1443x935, RR front page.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21051094

>>21050769
It seems pretty lax. A story posted on here has plenty of sex scenes, they are vanilla though.

>> No.21051112

>>21051094
>10 of 12 stories here are litrpg
I know if you go to a duck pond you can expect to find ducks, but I'm still upset

>> No.21051167

>>21051112
Litrpg is a weird genre. It's kind of like a great equaliser - otherwise great stories are made mediocre by it, and really bad stories also end up kind of average. I remember reading this absolutely abysmal, garbage quasi-isekai thing and I got like 100 chapters in before I dropped it because like 20% of the writing was dedicated to numbers going up and the unlocking of new skills and transformations. That autistic aspect can be sort of interesting even if the important narrative content of the story is obviously written by a retarded spastic.
By contrast, in the best litrpg story I've read, the litrpg element was basically extraneous and apparently caused the author to mess up later on because he couldn't balance it well with his narrative content. Thankfully I didn't get to see that anyway, because I dropped the story at like chapter 30-40 due to an almost unbelievable rollercoaster experience where after a stunning, tense first arc with high stakes, the MC basically hands over all of her advantages and spills her spaghetti for no reason whatsoever - or at least that's how I remember it, I think that might've had something to do with the litrpg element too. Either way, it left me feeling really empty and disappointed lol, had to take a break and haven't returned since.

>> No.21051188

Thoughts? Wrote this at 5am a couple of nights ago and want to really expand on it:

Through squeezing the trigger of the handgun, Callan would begin the chain of events that would shortly end the miserable life of Sket Reeves.

Through no fault of his own, Sket was born to a deeply impoverished family who resided in the slums of the outer-city. His upbringing- while mostly absent of joy- did prepare him for the harsh realities of city life in 2117. Constant proximity to level-3 criminal acts- and the terse screams and shouts the preceded them- had made Sket aware that these streets were horribly unsafe- for his kind that is. And this would be a glowing example of that.

The trigger pushes back the hammer, which in turn jerks forward upon reaching the limit of it's arc, and encouragingly strikes the slim ordinance inside the chamber, which detonates. The projectile suavely leaves the barrel and begins a routine trip into the skull of common povscum. Piercing the pathetic armour that surrounds the brain; the round makes quick work of the frontal lobe, travelling through it, and leaving through the jaw.

Sket was now dead. And while there would still be hope for his survival if he were rushed to hospital and treated immediately, absolutely no one with the resources to do so could possibly care any less about his existence.

While Callan- Sket’s executioner- felt some faint sympathy for the now-corpse, not even he would help him should he have found Sket slain by another and lying on the side of the road. Because for all Sket previously thought he was, he was still povscum, and would eventually have killed another just to feed himself the same evening. It really was the best move to have rid him of his mortal flesh, for he'd only make life worse for those who truly deserved to live and breathe

It was tasks like these that Callan would find himself assigned on a bi-daily basis, those which often demanded extreme violence and enough tact to remain breathing by the end of such escapades. For Callan, it was the daily grind- and little more.

>> No.21051227

>>21051167
I don't understand why people don't just use the comment system to make the litrpgs interactive. Have readers vote on choices given at the end of each update. Just go all in with the whole "vidya in prose".

>> No.21051234

>>21051167
Which story is the "good" one? I think I've read it, but I can't remember.

>> No.21051249

>>21051227
Bad idea given the reading comprehension skills and commitment of the average reader. Although, Forge of Destiny does something similar - the author apparently runs a CYOA and then adapts the content to give it more cohesion as he goes along. Some people claim the story has critical flaws because of it - I haven't noticed it, but fsr I got bored reading through it and have stopped keeping up - can't remember if I stopped at chapter 140 or 240 or something like that.
>>21051234
Calamitous Bob. Almost didn't read it because of the shit title lol. But it was a very great story, at least for the first arc. I learnt a lot of tricks from my experience reading it. Unfortunately, I've probably forgotten them all by now lol. Curse the shortness of human memory.

>> No.21051280

>>21051249
>Calamitous Bob
Couldn't read past the first chapter. Reddit incarnate level """comedy"""

>> No.21051304

>>21051249
I'm the guy who initially asked and I agree with >>21051280, good god how did you manage to read this?

>> No.21051314

>>21051083
they're not mostly as clean

>> No.21051315

>>21051188
Have you proofread your post or are you perhaps ESL? No harm in being ESL - I am too. But you have inconsistent tenses and your sentence structures are a bit difficult to read. If you chop your sentences up a bit more, they'll be punchier. Maybe you are German so this sentence structure feels more natural to you?
Anyway, I'd say either sink in more into the main character's PoV or give us a more impartially narrated scene - the current mix makes it difficult for me to either latch onto the character or gain an objective appreciation of the setting, which you seem to want to inform the reader of through this scene.
A lot of your detail is also a bit unnecessary. Take this for example:
>The trigger pushes back the hammer, which in turn jerks forward upon reaching the limit of it's arc, and encouragingly strikes the slim ordinance inside the chamber, which detonates. The projectile suavely leaves the barrel and begins a routine trip into the skull of common povscum. Piercing the pathetic armour that surrounds the brain; the round makes quick work of the frontal lobe, travelling through it, and leaving through the jaw.
You want a kind of cold, mechanistic and dehumanising description of the murder in order to give the reader a feel for the indifference to human life in the setting of your story. But these sentences are too clunky and weighty. They don't flow well. They slow the reader down and give lots of redundant information rather than give an alienating description of a murder.
Also surviving a shot through the brain is impossible so I'd remove the "hope for survival" part lol.
Anyway, your descriptions have a bunch of unnecessary words, some of them unnecessarily fancy too ("mortal flesh"). I actually used to write in a similar fashion when I would do vocabulary experiments - maybe you're doing one of these? It's good for improving the skills, but it is better to use a more minimalistic approach in creative writing as such. If you're experimenting, you'll definitely find your balance with practice.
Another thing - did you feel inspired to write this or was that something you wrote specifically to post in this thread? Because writing-for-showcase often means the concept is kind of superficial and there isn't much to say. So that would explain why your sentences are so pointlessly stretched out.
Hope you find this useful?

>> No.21051318

>>21051227
I thought that's what they were. I took part in a couple threads like that on /qst/ years ago. It's kind of fun but it really is the most base kind of fan service.

>> No.21051339

>>21051280
>>21051304
Yeah uhhh the first chapter is... bad... I was really confused and displeased by it and was cringing a lot. Had to pause a few times in order to get through it. Not sure why I went onto reading the second chapter - I think I got annoyed by the first chapter and skipped ahead to skim the second, and that had a nice hook so I decided to keep up with the story anyway?
It's a weird situation because the first chapter is literally completely pointless. It's bad, not interesting and doesn't even have anything to do with the story of the first arc. The narrative would be mostly unaffected by its removal, except that it would become a bit better, since there would also be a mystery factor (i.e. how did Viviane end up in this weird place, what's going on, why does she feel like shit, etc). If I was the author I would've just chopped it off, it's worse than useless.
>>21051314
wat

>> No.21051379

The rain had been falling since they entered the Marsh 3 days ago. Made up of thousands of islets separated by miles of stagnant muddy water the Great Eastern Marsh had no lumber, no minerals and no fertile ground. What then had impelled this group to enter the Marsh? The same thing that had attracted men to the Marsh since the days of the old empire, slaves. It was this, the most valuable of bounties, that Jute and his men were hunting. Like thousands of men before them they slowly rowed across the water, flat and calm as a pond, towards the hazy island just visible through the twilight mist.
So the hunter had not been lying thought Jut with a smile. The hunter in question bound, gagged and bloodied lay in the bottom of Jut’s canoe moaning weakly. The man could not have been more than 20 and had been hopelessly lost in the fog until he blundered into Jut and his men, a quick chase and capture before the poor wretch was beaten and burned until he had revealed the location of his home village. As the sun began to set the canoes reached the island grinding to a halt on the gravelly beach.
Moving swiftly and silently with skill borne of great experience the men moved up the beach towards the smell of cooking smoke. Coming to a crude palisade Jut raised his fist and a small man moved quickly forward before launching himself at the wall and, like a rat digging in its claws, he dug in his large knife swiftly reaching the top. Peering down into the village for less than a minute the man nimbly jumped down.
“Gate is this way”
Following the small man Jut and his men moved along the primitive log wall coming to a gap which could be called a “gate”. Drawing in a deep breath Jut let out a bellow and he and his iron clad men charged into the village whooping and hollering. The savages had obviously being eating as they poured out of a large communal hall some still holding crude clay plates. Moving quickly Jut’s men moved in towards the crowd swinging the heavy iron clubs of their trade. One savage braver than the rest let out a cry and charged swinging his fists. Stepping swiftly forward Jut swung the heavy iron club into the side of the savage’s head with a satisfying crunch. The savage dropped to the ground his eyes closed but legs still twitching. Brandishing his club in case any more of the spear chuckers got any bright ideas the men herded the savages into the “town square”.
Thoughts? It is a fantasy setting.

>> No.21051426

>>21051379
Grammar and punctuation need some work. Your broader structure seems good to me, but would work more smoothly if you improve your grammar and your sentence structures. The narrative itself seems good - would need to see more of the story and the characters to know if there are any flaws there. But I'd take a look at the grammar and sentence structures - improvements there also cause proportional improvements in flow.

>> No.21051454

>>21051315
Thanks for the criticism, made me laugh a lot reading it because now I realise writing like that isnt sustainable. I just love embellishing descriptions and using archaic vocabulary.
I hadnt considered how it actually reads as this was something I had written very quickly and all the punctuation and sentence length are done as they are because that's how I would speak those lines if telling them like a story.
I fully plan to make a full story out of this setting. Though that whole passage was some crackhead "I have to write RIGHT NOW" thing.
I'll see about reviewing the pacing and sentence length and approach it through the lens of a reader rather than a speaker.
I'd not considered this character PoV vs narrator point, could you expand on this? This scene is meant to give some idea of how awful this world is, but also be funny at the same time. I had read this to some friends and family on separate occasions and got chuckles from nearly all of them, though now I realise this is 90% because I myself was reading it exactly how I want it to be read.
I already have more ideas to use and have written a little more about this, e.g currently thinking about how exactly Callan's job works, currently set on a government scheme to "reduce crime", which is just killing the working class. Its my first time posting in /wg/ but I really value the feedback so I'll probably post more as I get more written

>> No.21051461

>>21051188
Do not use adjectives just for the sake of using them. They should improve the flow of the narrative. The way you use them actively detracts from the experience "slim ordinance" especially stood out to me as useless.

>> No.21051489
File: 160 KB, 1280x1143, 1658156937342223.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21051489

When submitting short stories on Submittable do I actually have to include name, address, and word count at top left of my word doc if they already have that info on the cover page I filled in?

>> No.21051499
File: 21 KB, 474x379, 1658553387908842.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21051499

I purchased more books authored by /lit/ anons today. Reviews probably next month.

>> No.21051530

>>21051454
>I just love embellishing descriptions and using archaic vocabulary.
That can be fun too. If you'd like, you can try to do vocabulary experiments where you try to use the most flowery prose possible - this is a valid way to practice and improve your skills, but should not be your official style. Still, you should try to match the adjectives to the content more appropriately.
>I'd not considered this character PoV vs narrator point, could you expand on this? This scene is meant to give some idea of how awful this world is, but also be funny at the same time. I had read this to some friends and family on separate occasions and got chuckles from nearly all of them, though now I realise this is 90% because I myself was reading it exactly how I want it to be read.
Personally, I don't see the comedy. Maybe if you read it in an exaggerated manner, the writing style with its own exaggerated language is itself the joke? But that would mean the joke is the delivery/writing style, not the content you've written itself. As to the PoV, I think in normal circumstances you'd want either to stick closer to the character you are writing and keep the description of the scenario fixed around the experience of the character, or you'll want to give a "bird's eye" view of the scene with the characters described, in a way, kind of like objects. The current way is neither person nor impersonal enough to catch my attention.
Also, one last thing. Idk if you consider this relevant, but it might be of interest to you that "sket" is actually also a British slur for loose women. So you might be better served picking another name, possibly.
>>21051489
You really gonna ask this here anon? Come on, you're an adult. Just fill the info in again, who cares - can't go wrong that way.

>> No.21051597

>>21050910
>That said I've known lone wolf white rappers in my hick area and it was always cringe.
>That may have changed in the last 10+ years but I don't know and I don't know you.
Well, for one, I'm not white. But I have been using 4chan for a little over a decade now so you're not too far off the mark. Only a certain type of person uses this website. At least, that used to be true. I'm a bit of a producer but still not very good at it. Tweaking could be a good idea. I've struggled in the past trying to figure out how I'd go about making something modern and appealing. Though I realize now I don't need to concern myself so much with modernity, not exactly, but I don't want to be antiquated either. There's a lot of factors to consider and I'm pretty indecisive.

>>21050967
>it will be your own, personal, dorky brand of shit.
There's plenty of rap like that now. The College Dropout and Madvillainy are nearly 20 years old. I definitely don't fit in with criminals, but sometimes I do prefer that more pop simplistic style of rap over backpacker shit, in terms of lyricism I mean. Speaking of backpacker shit, that's another example of non-gangsta rap. The first ATCQ album is over 30 years old.

>> No.21051603

>>21051530
Okay thanks. The first place I submitted to the other day said multiple times explicitly not to include it (only on the coverpage) so it I didn't know if it was a Submittable norm or just a one-off

>> No.21051640

>>21051597
>There's plenty of rap like that now. The College Dropout and Madvillainy are nearly 20 years old. I definitely don't fit in with criminals, but sometimes I do prefer that more pop simplistic style of rap over backpacker shit, in terms of lyricism I mean. Speaking of backpacker shit, that's another example of non-gangsta rap. The first ATCQ album is over 30 years old.
Yeah, there's some guys like that in my country too and they make it work, uhh, sort of. But you get my point. You said you're not white, so this probably doesn't really matter, assuming you're black. An almost weird amount of rappers (both gangster and autistic underground) now write lyrics about anime, Goku, hentai and whatnot. All sorts of dumb dorky shit. This type of music will probably become more common with time, as the general population becomes more autistic and degenerate. Some of the limitations will probably fall away, so feel free to give this a shot, just remember to have fun. Best of luck my friend.
>>21051603
Look I have no idea what Submittable is. If they give you a form to fill in, just fill it in. Rule of thumb. If they sperg later then it's their fault for sending you a form asking for info.

>> No.21051673

>>21051499
Which ones did you buy?

>> No.21051680

>>21049874
My story is 82k words when it's finished being posted.
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/59078/acolyte-a-witch-hunter-tale

>> No.21051683

>>21051499
Are you review-anon? Did you ever read Faceless?

>> No.21051768

Where are my soobstoock anoons?

>> No.21051863
File: 169 KB, 675x710, Screenshot 2021-07-02 053334.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21051863

>>21051640
It's not too out of the ordinary. Wu-Tang Clan were rapping about kung fu films and Marvel comics in the 90s. If only I was more into that type of nerd shit. I think you've identified an issue for me. I'm actually not very into anime, literature, or superheroes. Out of everything I'm mainly interested in film and even then, I hate most movies I watch. I can do my own personal dorky thing but I suppose I need to figure out what that personal dorky thing is.

>> No.21051908
File: 39 KB, 611x547, draft.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21051908

Better?

>> No.21051928

>>21051908
Yes

>> No.21051968
File: 48 KB, 320x320, 0ntazn.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21051968

>>21051863
You can rap about me, anon! I am cringy and retarded, but I am a real sweetheart with serious dramatic flair! Trust me. I am also a natural-born psychologist, so if you tell me how you spend your time, I might be able to help you figure out something.

>> No.21051995

Anyone got a guide to inventing magic systems that doesn't focus on the obvious (need for limitations, etc) and actually focuses on the magic powers themselves? I have a system of limitations and aspects etc but I need a way (ie magic powers) for them to manifest and progress.

>> No.21051998

>>21051995
your brain

>> No.21052023

>>21051995
You start out throwing fireballs and everytime you finish a quest an old man gives you the option to learn to swing a sword harder or throw an extra fireball. It caps out at four fireballs then you learn to conjure lightning.

>> No.21052035

How do you create short stories? Do you read other stories? I'm creating a short story book for my kids. And one of them loves horror, and the other doesn't. How can you combine both without taking away the horror?

>> No.21052067

>>21052035
Watch the abott and costello monster movies

>> No.21052073

>>21051995
I have no idea what you are trying to say anon. Personally though, I've had some luck just researching religion and occultism - lots of inspiration, but things can also get a bit confusing.
To give two examples, check out mantras and yantras. Both are used as conduits for the sacred irl. An analogous implementation could certainly be done in fiction, with more fantastic results. One of my recent story ideas which I will get around to eventually has a runic-based magic system which is more or less just my free-form implementation of how runic systems function irl - each rune invokes a specific magical concept. Knowledge, quite literally, equals power. And there's lots of versatility in their use too, with combinations etc.
I'd recommend you consider the following factors:
- Source of the magic (God/souls/the Monad/whatever)
- High-level medium (faith/mana/knowledge/whatever)
- Practical medium (prayers/wands/runes/whatever)
- Actual implementation (what the magic actually looks like - the options are so varied that enumerating any of them is pointless)
Hope this is helpful.
>>21052035
>I'm creating a short story book for my kids. And one of them loves horror, and the other doesn't. How can you combine both without taking away the horror?
You'll need to write two separate stories, anon.

>> No.21052075

wheres a good starter place to publish my shit? thought about &amp but seems like the editor fucked off a while ago, and unreal press seems gay

>> No.21052109

https://youtu.be/gCiAOqLfoQU
>Looking for a style
>Not creating your style

>> No.21052121

>>21050975
>Adah was restless. She was already in a pairing, but could not let her mother know. The neatly packaged sleeping arrangement her mother bundled together, became a mishmashed collection of assortments. Adah buried her face into the pillow kicking away the covers. A cool breeze flowed between her legs; a result from her arched position. Her legs tensed due to her thoughts and fingers cohesively working in unison. The sheets on the bed shifted and became undone. The fingers moved vigorously, mimicking Aldric’s body pressing against hers. It was not enough. >Her desires persisted.
>It was not fair. Adah's pairing could not be expressed to the public. It must always remain hidden, like a ghost buried inside the mausoleum. She hoped it felt the same, but always ends up washed in disappointment. It has been three weeks. She yearned for his touch, his kiss, and his warmth. The same warmth that protected her; giving her strength throughout the years as a trainee and as a Knight. Adah tried to sleep again, but the long night was victorious. She took a heavy sigh, with a single thought crossing her mind.
>"Aldric".

Why is she masturbating to her brother?

>> No.21052207

Chain of events OR chain-of-events?

>> No.21052252

>>21052121
Haven't read the text that guy sent but I hope you're joking and it's not actual incest, anon.

>> No.21052364

>>21051968
Rap about you? I spend most of my time feeling very stressed out, thinking about killing myself, and getting very angry over shit that doesn't matter.

>> No.21052376

>>21052252
>>21052121
Not the author but since you guys are new, yes, there is brother/sister incest. In fact it's a core part of the story.

>> No.21052381

>>21052364
Ever heard ghostmane or suicide boys?

>> No.21052390

>>21052376
>>21052252
>>21052121
That's gross anon, you should delete it.

>> No.21052393
File: 55 KB, 684x684, 0b54.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21052393

>>21052364
That sounds like plenty of stuff to rap about though, anon? I've heard people rap about their emotional problems, about mental illness in themselves and others, etc. etc. Usually with a more serious and "existential" tone to it. If you want to do that kind of rap, you certainly could do it.

>> No.21052402
File: 28 KB, 512x422, 04gsd.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21052402

>>21052376
>>21052390
>brother/sister incest
>a core part of the story
Yeah, uhhh... doesn't feel right? Is the story meant to be some sort of nsfw weebbait kind of thing?

>> No.21052419

>>21052390
>>21052402
Who let reddit in?

>> No.21052421

>>21052402
>>21052252
read it and find out ;)

>> No.21052422

>>21052419
(You)

>> No.21052432

>>21052421
This guy
>>21052121

The brother is the Lich isn't he?

>> No.21052436

>>21052419
Genuinely curious about this. Rethinking my presence in this general now.

>> No.21052447

ffs brother/sister insest is prominently featured in the biggest book since Harry Potter. How could you be so prudish on 4chan of all places?

>> No.21052450

>>21052447
yes but they were bad guys so it's okay. the hero of the story is incestual and that's bad.

>> No.21052458

Well played troll, you got two posts out of me.

>> No.21052528

>>21047619
last post of miniMAG12 before 13 releases

full/past issues: minimag.space
submissions: [email protected]

>>21047619
this is very cool, would be down to feature one of your shorts in miniMAG to try and get the website out to a new crowd of people. email the submissions if interested

>> No.21052531
File: 817 KB, 1275x2400, miniMAG Issue12_page-0001.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21052531

>>21052528
>>21047740
>>21051908
much better, the gun lets us know as an audience that he absolutely is not an alien

>> No.21052534
File: 436 KB, 1275x2400, miniMAG Issue12_page-0003.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21052534

>>21052531
full issue @ minimag.space

>>21047760
check out issue11 for a good example of a fantasy story that doesn’t feel the need to expositize

>> No.21052537

>>21052528
Would it be possible to translate the chinese poems?

>> No.21052538
File: 837 KB, 1275x2400, miniMAG Issue12_page-0004.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21052538

>>21052534
>>21048250
second

>> No.21052545
File: 755 KB, 1275x2400, miniMAG Issue12_page-0005.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21052545

>>21052537
easiest way is to download the .pdf and google translate from their. 找一个 means "looking for a..." she's looking for meanings of life and the second to last line she finds a cigarette

>>21052538
>>21048549
going to check this out. would you be interested in a few poems from it appearing in miniMAG with a link to where people can download the rest?

>> No.21052548
File: 581 KB, 1275x2400, miniMAG Issue12_page-0006.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21052548

>>21052545
[email protected]

>>21048816
keep editing, you got cool ideas but they’re bleeding out in a thicket

>> No.21052549
File: 808 KB, 1275x2400, miniMAG Issue12_page-0007.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21052549

>>21052548
all art in this issue is AI

>>21050259
some fundamentals of academic essays still hold true, but you should eschew the formalities in order to build more voice (ethos), personally I like essays that go balls to the wall or turn the ‘tism up to 11- but that’s up to you

>> No.21052552
File: 365 KB, 1275x2400, miniMAG Issue12_page-0008.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21052552

>>21052549
>>21050436
this is the off da zoinkys music video with 10% more paranoia. keep going

>> No.21052555
File: 311 KB, 1275x2400, miniMAG Issue12_page-0011.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21052555

>>21052552
[email protected]
the halloween issue desperately needs more spooks

minimag.space

>>21051062
love the ending. would put in miniMAG, Issue16 would be perfect for it. hit up the submission link if you’re interested

>> No.21052769

>workshopping a novel
>produce 20 pages to pass around class
>read it over 10 times to make sure there are zero spelling mistakes
>give it to class
>they point out a spelling error
>and then two
>suddenly I see a hundred spelling errors
>we find the spelling errors together

why does this happen?

>> No.21052817

>>21052075
>starter publisher
>&amp
I don't understand what you people think &amp is. &amp publishes literally everything that gets sent in, no rejection/acceptance, so regardless of how good your piece is odds are it's going to show up next to something genuinely shitty. It's not something you can put on your résumé or brag about, man.

I like &amp a lot and have contributed, but I will laugh at every anon who congratulates himself for seeing his piece in an issue.

>> No.21052840

>>21052769
Did you do all the rereads at once or did you wait a day between them? If I reread the same text more than three times in a row I completely zone out - my eyes pass over it but my attention is just not there. Also, waiting a day means all emotional biases disappear, so each reread is "fresh" and allows you to spot all kinds of new mistakes - stylistic, narrative, etc.

>> No.21052862

>>21052817
when i say starter place to publish i just mean that I want someplace to share my work where other ppl will read it in a low pressure environment, so i can build my confidence about showing my writing to others. no need to be an asshole. who pissed in your cornflakes?

>> No.21052962

>>21052862
literally look 4 posts above this

>> No.21052965

>>21052381
Yeah, but I hate that shit. Despise the Memphis rap influence/sound and the only white rappers I can really bring myself to listen to are Action Bronson and maybe The Beastie Boys. I use to really like mc chris too.

>>21052393
>That sounds like plenty of stuff to rap about though, anon?
Does it? Maybe I just feel like I don't have enough rappers to pull from and a lot of current hip-hop is very mediocre. I'm very particular. I don't know what rappers you're thinking of, but I like earlier Tyler the Creator and how he approached things. It used to be my goal to be an /r9k/ rapper but maybe a week ago I finally realized how empty that well is relistening to some of Chad Marco's song. He captures that /r9k/ Underground Man sort-of feeling pretty well with his raps but there's all there is. I don't even know if he makes music anymore. I need more than just incel raps. It's probably not worth thinking so hard about, I could probably just have "fun". But I don't know how to have fun. By far my biggest problem though is that I'm just not good at articulating my thoughts and feelings. Poetic writing escapes me.

>> No.21053010

>>21052965
>/r9k/
That board is as dead as /b/ at this point.

>> No.21053018

>>21052965
>Does it? Maybe I just feel like I don't have enough rappers to pull from and a lot of current hip-hop is very mediocre. I'm very particular. I don't know what rappers you're thinking of, but I like earlier Tyler the Creator and how he approached things. It used to be my goal to be an /r9k/ rapper but maybe a week ago I finally realized how empty that well is relistening to some of Chad Marco's song. He captures that /r9k/ Underground Man sort-of feeling pretty well with his raps but there's all there is. I don't even know if he makes music anymore. I need more than just incel raps. It's probably not worth thinking so hard about, I could probably just have "fun". But I don't know how to have fun. By far my biggest problem though is that I'm just not good at articulating my thoughts and feelings. Poetic writing escapes me.
I suppose part of the issue is figuring out exactly what kind of music you want to make. Do you want to make something catchy, something profitable or some form of high art as you understand it and interpret it in this context? Major differences in approach required for each of these. I am not a very musical person, but I know that a lot of people are OBSESSED with specific artists/songs. But many of those are actually not very good, objectively speaking. If you want people to be both obsessed with your music and for it to have some form of enduring value, you'll need to put in a lot of hard work and do a lot of thinking. But for anything else, you can literally just do whatever. For example, Sewerslvt is a very low grade artists but tons upon tons of people adore the trademark Sewerslvt electronic music despite its badness. I also listen to lots of drift phonk, pop and heavy industrial electronic as a background, but I wouldn't call the music a major part of my life, nor would I pay for it. If you want to make something good that people enjoy and that you can make a living off of, all you really need to do is to make something that sounds catchy and build a good community - no need to think about or reach for anything more than that.
If that's your goal, you'll need to figure out what kind of music you want to make though. If you want to rap about suicidal ideation, stress, emotions etc that could definitely work - maybe you'd have to lean in a bit more into sadboycore or unstablecore aesthetic but it can work and there's lots of people who dig that kind of music and aesthetic. In my experience what is really important with RAP is the sound of the rapper's voice and the appeal of the delivery - some of the rappers I listen to literally just talk into the mic with the same tone and approach as they would talk to a person in real life, and tell stories from their life. One guy was recounting his family history of mental illness through specific anecdotes, with the goal of raising awareness about the issue. It sounded nice and I remember the stories because of it too. I am sure you could do that too if you wanted.

>> No.21053035

>>21052965
Your soul is crying out that it wants to make "real music" . Try starting with black metal. Otherwise I think your problem goes beyond the scope of this thread.

>> No.21053074

>>21052965
>>21053035
If you want to make 'real music' one piece of advice I can give that is often overlooked is the importance of having a private space. Either a sound-proof room or a room in the middle of nowhere where you can be totally sonically free.
When creating something real it can be awkward in the initial development stages and if someone hears it and goes: "what the fuck is that shit?" when you're still experimenting it can kill the vibe and make you self-conscious. Art is an ego-less endeavor and you want to get away from any interference that might lead you to think about what people might think. It's good to have empathy for the audience, but not at the expense of your vision and soul. That part is a balancing-act-tightrope-walk that you're going to have to figure out the intricacies of for yourself through practice.
Basically, you need to find a place both internally and externally that you feel free. This is true for all artistic mediums.
If you're doing it with bandmates they need to be cool and open-minded artistic individuals who you feel comfortable baring your soul around. You also need to extend this favor to them.

>> No.21053078

>>21052862
>I want someplace to share my work where other ppl will read it in a low pressure environment
Then say that since it's an entirely different thing from publishing. I'll say that that's almost exactly what I view &amp as being for (on top of being a slice of /lit/), so if 015 ever stops being vaporware then it'd I'd recommend you send something in. And I'll second the other anon's rec for miniMAG.

Also, you're in /wg/--what's holding you back from posting stuff in here?

>> No.21053093

>>21053010
Oh, yeah. I meant years ago. Many years ago. /r9k/ is awful now.

>>21053018
You raise some pretty good points. Having people obsessed with my music sounds a little gross but I guess I do kind of want to make garbage, deep inside. Is it possible to make garbage with shades of high art? Or use high art techniques to make absolute garbage? No, that sounds stupid. I'm not sure how to figure it out.

>>21053035
>>21053074
>Your soul is crying out that it wants to make "real music" . Try starting with black metal.
Black metal is "real" music? By what metric?
>If you want to make 'real music' one piece of advice I can give that is often overlooked is the importance of having a private space. Either a sound-proof room or a room in the middle of nowhere where you can be totally sonically free.
I'm well aware. But I don't have a private space and probably won't have a private space any time soon, its been driving me insane for years now.
>Art is an ego-less endeavor and you want to get away from any interference that might lead you to think about what people might think. It's good to have empathy for the audience, but not at the expense of your vision and soul.
Yeah, exactly. I haven't been able to get back into that space for a very long time now. I had a former friend who was also a producer wanting to be a rapper and when I showed him some of my lyrics once, back in like 2017 he was like "lol why are there commas?" which I was using to sort of dictate rhythm and its silly but I got very self-conscious over it. Later he told me he wasn't even interested in rapping anymore. Was probably never writing in the first place.

>> No.21053101

>>21053093
>Black metal is "real" music? By what metric?

I consider rap and black metal to be in the same tier among current "hip" music. But what do I know? I'm listening to country lately ffs. There's a /lit/ challenge for you; write a decent outlaw country song.

>> No.21053112

>>21053093
>You raise some pretty good points. Having people obsessed with my music sounds a little gross but I guess I do kind of want to make garbage, deep inside. Is it possible to make garbage with shades of high art? Or use high art techniques to make absolute garbage? No, that sounds stupid. I'm not sure how to figure it out.
Idk if what you say about people obsessing about music is sincere or some kind of ironic thing. But anyway, I don't think garbage is a good word to use here.
>Or use high art techniques to make absolute garbage?
Some people do it, usually intellectuals who hate high art. But you could also do this if you're just looking to test your abilities for fun. If so, you could try doing some kind of weird avant-garde experimental music. Maybe you would find that fun? If that's not your cup of tea, you just need to figure out exactly what kind of value you are aiming at for your work. This does not necessarily have to be something ambitious, but it has to be something you want to do. I guess the big questions here might be - what is music to you, and why are you drawn to it? If you know the answer to that, you know what lies at the core of your interest, and therefore what you should focus on or make peripheral. Maybe it's self-expression, or some kind of emotional catharsis, or both. There's nothing wrong with that. In such a case, you can definitely permit yourself to put lots of effort in the technical side of music while also doing whatever is comfortable on a more theoretical/conceptual level - i.e. "garbage with shades of high art". But again, garbage is a bad word to use.

>> No.21053114

>>21053101
I've spent most of this year listening to Siouxsie & The Banshees, Mari Iijima, and showtunes, to be completely honest.
>Country
Glen Campbell is cool.

>> No.21053116

>>21053093
>"lol why are there commas?"
Crab in a bucket style critique. Try to not let this type of critique get to you and try to spot when someone is just being a resentful little cunt. Avoid those people as artistic partners. A genuine critique that is actually useful often comes from someone who wants your work to be better, not someone who wants to shut you down to cope because they feel like a failure.
>Oh, yeah. I meant years ago. Many years ago. /r9k/ is awful now.
I miss the /crg/ threads so much. I tried to make one a month or so ago and no one posted anything. I even got called a retard for trying. Shit's so dead.
>I do kind of want to make garbage, deep inside
You basically have two choices: You can be an artist or a musician. With the choice of artist comes the risk of making absolute crap that no one understands or likes, but you also have the chance of making something truly great. If you just want to be a musician you can study composition and the 'correct way'. What you make will likely be proficient and professional, but you won't reach the highs (nor the lows) of the artist route.

>> No.21053155

Insane Clown Posse can tell weave a story better than pretty much anyone in this thread.

>> No.21053179

>>21053112
>Idk if what you say about people obsessing about music is sincere or some kind of ironic thing.
That I'd think it was gross? Maybe I'm not sure what you're getting at. After all I did miss that you said "both" here
> If you want people to be both obsessed with your music and for it to have some form of enduring value,
Of the two options I suppose I'd prefer both not necessarily because I want to be a significant artist or make music endures but because I want to make music that isn't completely meaningless or mindless. A lot of people produce thoughtless art that doesn't mean anything but people inexplicably find meaning in. Sometimes its the thoughtlessness that even allows them to find meaning in the first place. I would think of Brockhampton as an example of what I would consider pretty bad thoughtless music in their vague generalities. Drake appears thoughtless but I think it maybe more the fact I'm completely removed from his normie mindset. That's not to say to say he dig deeps with his lyrics, he absolutely doesn't. But a lot of it makes sense to normalfags and endures for them.

>>21053116
>I miss the /crg/ threads so much. I tried to make one a month or so ago and no one posted anything. I even got called a retard for trying. Shit's so dead.
That really sucks. I almost tried making one a few weeks ago when I was doing an experiment but decided not to bother. Guess I made the right call.
>You basically have two choices: You can be an artist or a musician.
I know a lot of people would disagree with that. I find the whole debate of technique vs. natural unique self-expression exhausting at this point. Doesn't seem like either is really more beneficial than the other.

>> No.21053201

>>21053179
>I find the whole debate of technique vs. natural unique self-expression exhausting at this point
Fair enough, I actually agree. I think it's also a bit of a red-herring (that I stupidly fell for). It's more of a self censorship vs. saying "fuck it" and letting it hang out debate. Or having the balls to break a few rules while still knowing and understanding the rules.
In any case there isn't much to be said other than go 4 it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZX7UJSXCiU
You might be a Feldman, or you might be Daniel Johnston, but at least you tried.

>> No.21053210
File: 59 KB, 810x332, Screenshot 2022-09-28 at 03-44-26 John Truby - The Anatomy of Story_ 22 Steps to Becoming a Master Storyteller - libgen.lc.pdf.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21053210

>> No.21053222

>>21053179
You know, I considered naming Brockhampton as an example of what you might be interested in. All of my artsier/depressed friends were really into Brockhampton, and there was that whole drama with the sentimentalish guy that got kicked off the group over things he'd done in the past - that guy may have been of interest. But I haven't really listened to Brockhampton much so I can't say if they make for a good reference point. A lot of people do find them "deep" though.
Anyway, going back to the specific topic. Whenever we speak of "enduring/intrinsic value", the unspoken part is always that it is enduring value for people, or perhaps a specific set of people. For example the beauty of classical music consists in allowing the listener to contemplate the order and form of the piece and attain an exalted state that elevated the spirit. This is pretty selective criteria and can't really be appreciated by most people - Wagner and Liszt, for example, despite being extremely popular musical revolutionaries, were completely filtered by the classical tradition, alongside with their audiences. Nevertheless, they created their own music with an emotional core that was designed to appeal to and be remembered by a different crowd. So, I'd say one method to figure out what you want to do might be to figure out who you want to speak to/address, what you have to say or impress, and what you want your audience to remember you for.

>> No.21053245

>he doesn't write while listening to Burzum
No wonder none of you have made it.

>> No.21053321

>>21053201
>It's more of a self censorship vs. saying "fuck it" and letting it hang out debate.
>Or having the balls to break a few rules while still knowing and understanding the rules.
That's a good way to put it anon. Thanks for the encouraging words.

>>21053222
No offense to your friends but Brockhampton is pretty banal and awful. I mean, even I listened to their albums in 2018, but I was never a fan. It was all very surface level with good production and catchy choruses. At most it was tolerable. Xxxtenaction was largely the same way. Very boring surface level music. Looks pretty and says nothing.
>So, I'd say one method to figure out what you want to do might be to figure out who you want to speak to/address, what you have to say or impress, and what you want your audience to remember you for.
Yeah, I think its fair to say I've overthought this. But it has been of some help. If could return to that isolated ego-less state I think things would be much easier. I think of Ted Kaczynski's cabin often, as an artist, if I could be alone and without obtrusive influence I feel like I could get so much done. Like Kanye in Wyoming. Or when he was living in and recording in Mercedes Benz Stadium. I think I'm going to start collecting single lines I like from songs or whatever else and try to build songs from them. Also need to see how many of my old lyrics I can actually find. I thought getting into poetry might help but I'm afraid I don't really understand poetry or know where to begin.

>> No.21053502
File: 19 KB, 586x344, alien.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21053502

How does my dialogue flow?

>> No.21053528

>>21053502
Personally I dislike standard "x", y, "z" style dialogue, but I think it flows decently besides.

>> No.21053814

Post how many sales you have right now.
If you don’t even have 10 reviews on your book it’s a joke.
If it’s not even top 100,000 in rank it’s a joke.

>> No.21053816
File: 2.68 MB, 384x216, 1641199353744.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21053816

>>21053814
An anon on here said they liked it! :^D

>> No.21053833

>>21053814
I've got two rejections for my latest manuscript.

>> No.21053836

>>21053528

I was worried it would be a little generic but I think it works for this scene

>> No.21053896

>>21053814
And are you doing anything to change that, or are you simply being a gatekeeping jerk?
I buy copies of books I see on /wg/ and I write reviews for them.
That's the only way it's going to happen.
Demanding that other people meet your standards, at risk of being a "joke", is completely unhelpful.
How about doing something to change things?
Or do you just sit on your dead ass and wait for others to change things?
Are there other aspects of your life where you act like this?
For instance, by being a slothful NEET who mooches off his parents despite being a grown-ass adult?
You and your crappy attitude are of no value whatsoever.

>> No.21054012

>>21051673
Sociopath and Remembering the Dead.
>>21051683
Yeah the one takes pics on the wooden bookshelf. Noface eventually.

>> No.21054033
File: 30 KB, 309x475, 15750692[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21054033

been reading "malice"
i'm liking it
it has too many pov characters
there's a lot of coincidences. like nobody goes into woods. boy goes into woods. rescues a wolf drowning in quicksand
later, the same boy rescues the wolf's pup and keeps it
and there's a lot more like that. the same boy finds a secret tunnel which allows him to rescue another person.
i guess coincidences like this are common in fantasy
but this series of books is on a lot of people's top ten lists. it's good.

>> No.21054083

>>21053896
>I buy copies of books I see on /wg/ and I write reviews for them.
Have you considered doing critiques of them here or privately?

>> No.21054090

I finished revising my book last night. Managed to remove 13% from the 2nd draft. Now what do I do?

>> No.21054106

>>21054090
Start practicing your queries.

>> No.21054111

Military staff sounds too modern for high middle ages
what term would you use to describe a group of officers in command of some army unit?

>> No.21054116

>>21054083
NTA but as another reviewer of anon books I dont feel equipped to give the kind on critique with any rigorous basis. I only give my impressions, the experience I had reading it.

>> No.21054133

>>21054111
royalty of some kind
"lords"
"prince"
king even
war chief for barbarians

>> No.21054135

>>21054111
Why not research what they were actually called historically

>> No.21054149

>>21054116
A common problem. I keep asking my readers "who should I read that does my bad aspects well?" and I never get an answer.

>> No.21054152

>>21054106
I’m a straight white male. I’ll never be published.

>> No.21054156

Update for the day. Finally working on chapter 2.
>https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vTof-gJsEYhkpL0q4FejtquyY6yPGZNSHBWGLClutUAo0m4A4j6xWp_ddXl_9mW3Yy_j5ZVwNMx-RxU/pub

>> No.21054179

>>21054012
I have Sociopath too, along with Faceless, Eggplant, and The Last Free Man. I was going to do short reviews for their Goodreads and Amazons and longer breakdowns on my website.

>> No.21054219

Are any /lit/ books actually worth reading? Or are they all iskeaki fan fiction? Because I checked out the royal road links, and if that's the standard, I don't know what to say.

>> No.21054227

>>21054219
Depends how high your standards are and what genre you want to read.

>> No.21054228

>>21054219
SOCIOPATH is reverse isekai fan fiction, thank you

>> No.21054236

>>21054228
>reverse isekai
What does that mean

>> No.21054262

>>21054236
Fantasy waifu comes to our world instead of the self insert going to the fantasy world.
Like, isekai is when you come to Brazil. Reverse isekai is when Brazilians go to you

>> No.21054264

>>21054236
Fantasy land comes to our world

>> No.21054272

>>21054227
Which ones aren't some crazy schizo or fantasy sword and board shit? Anything about the human soul or nature like the classics?

>> No.21054277

I don’t get it. Why do black elves of Fauxlandia need to have suffered systemic oppression like blacks in the real world?

>> No.21054286

>>21054277
Man what are you even referring to?

>> No.21054289
File: 1.14 MB, 630x3137, SS2Ch.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21054289

Started working on this book again. Completed a second chapter. Since it's unpublishable on every fucking platform I'll just post it here as I finish chapters.
WARNING: EXXXTREME EDGE
Little bitch boys with delicate sensibilities need not read! xD
Genuine criticism is appreciated, faggy whining about how it's offensive will be ignored - however, if you genuinely aren't offended but find the style somewhat fatiguing - I would like to know. I've been wondering if I should tone it down, or maybe even go harder.

>> No.21054295

>>21054152
No way me too!

>> No.21054298

>>21053078
> Also, you're in /wg/--what's holding you back from posting stuff in here?

idk, i have in the past but it seems like most posters here are just dumping their fantasy/sci-fi schlock and very few people get actual critique or feedback. have you had good experiences sharing your shit here?

>> No.21054303

>>21054298
NTA but most feedback here is trolling.

>> No.21054309

>>21054149
Oh in that case, I could give more advice directed to authors. Im not the most well read but I do read often to give technique examples from things Ive read, so if Ive read your book I can message you on GoodReads or something. I got a little more specific when I gave feedback to Weedman in a general thread.

>> No.21054313

>>21054286
You’re a dumb nigger.

>> No.21054343

>>21054298
Nah, I've never posted my stuff to /wg/, same reasons as you listed. I used to post in /crit/ threads a couple years ago and got some good critiques then, but those also suffered from the problem of most anons not critiquing. At least those threads were at least a little more focused. I've also had feedback on my writing via &amp (from readers), but that was always a little more binary (e.g., an anon saying my piece was his favourite) unless I really prodded for details.

>> No.21054363

>>21054343
do you just lurk here to get advice and give critique then? that’s sorta what i do. i even posted the outline of a novella i’m working on a while back but didn’t really get any responses. i dont really share finished writing samples here anymore. was never around in the days of /crit/.

>> No.21054386

>>21054363
I like to insult people who post things. It’s good to be discouraging to writers because the world is a tough place.

>> No.21054393

>>21054363
No, I just happened to see your post when I searched the archive for "amp" (I've been working on a best-of edition of &amp, so I check the archives for any relevant discussion, like people mentioning particular pieces). I've always avoided /wg/, but I've given critiques in recent threads about &amp.

>> No.21054427

>>21054289
Best news I've heard all day, I really like that orderly schizophrenic writing style and loves those samples when you first shared.

>> No.21054443

>>21054393
are you the editor of &amp then?

>> No.21054470

>>21054427
Thanks, anon. I'll try to keep getting more out at a reasonable pace.
It's funny. I took a break from /wg/ for a few months, and the thread I came back to was the one (I assume) you(?) shared the original chapters I posted. Strange coincidence. Inspired me to get back to it. I was surprised anyone cared.

>> No.21054474

>>21054443
Yes.

>> No.21054486
File: 183 KB, 3100x1750, amp_best_of_image_V2.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21054486

>>21054443
No, I'm just a contributor, but I felt like doing something while waiting on (or hoping for) issue 015, so I started working on stuff for a best-of. I've been vetting pieces for inclusion and asking anons for their favourites.

There's a big list here where you can comment on the current candidates:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TMyRTrB6SEjbDFkFixaMqNpr0--Fb3T9Pdv1x2s7Z7g/edit?usp=sharing
and there are PDFs of the pieces here:
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1EwsOjMkqL1CaKdIqVPf6yDmpYh4G_BBf?usp=sharing

If you've got any favourites you want to rec you can email me at [email protected] (I'll also look at your writing if you want, but no promises about giving a timely critique.)

>> No.21054489

>>21054289
This is pretty well written, excellent/pol/ piece.

>> No.21054509

>>21047619
>Nikies
Like those /v/ threads about the weird Oblivion character?

>> No.21054650

>>21054486
cool, when’s the best-of gonna release? i might email you some faves.

>> No.21054695

>>21054309
link to the weedman feedback?

>> No.21054699

>>21054650
I don't have a set release date, but probably mid-October or a bit later. The list is taking a good form, and I'd be glad to have more input.

>> No.21054714

>>21054699
NTA, but I’ve been following the project since August, though haven’t involved myself directly. Seems its been dragging on so long that it’s lost momentum and people aren’t very interested anymore. Thought it was originally supposed to drop mid September, why the change of plans?

>> No.21054863

Why do guys write lesbian protagonists so often?

>> No.21054864

Is copying actually a good way to become a better writer? I mean, copying some novel using a typewriter every day for couple of pages. I have been feeling stuck past few weeks, realizing that my novels are complete utter shit. I have been thing of copying Houellebecq serotonin entirely and only coming back to writing after that? Thoughts? Has anyone tired it? Please don't complain about my engrish as I am not a native speaker.

>> No.21054873

>>21054714
You mentioned the loss in momentum and general interest, which is the main thing. Another problem ended up being that I accumulated a list that had a lot of entries only recommended by single anons, which felt insufficient to call them the "best", and my decision alone didn't seem fair or unbiased enough to decide which of those were really worthwhile. So I tried reaching out more to get anons commenting on the already-listed pieces, but that only attracted maybe three or four people, which still didn't feel like enough--I didn't want the opinions to be detached from the "real" &amp readership and it began to feel a little too much like a cabal/circlejerk. Then there was a bunch of shit about mocking up covers, which I think gave the mistaken impression that things were close to being finished and distracted from the important work (plus the covers were becoming pretty detached from the actual contents of the best-of, considering the latter still isn't finalised). Things also became overly ambitious regarding talk of illustrations and original author commentary (I don't want to fuck with someone's work without their consent, but there are pieces with really blatant errors in them); plus &amp has benefited from dense and high-quality graphic design, and it's hard to do that justice while putting a focus on the pieces themselves, not to mention my own limited skills.

The /&amp/ threads also lacked focus and discussion. I found it pretty silly that people were discussing the nonexistent issue 015 and future submissions as if it was anything more than vaporware. I'd intended to put some materials together and make a thread dedicated to the best-of, but I didn't want to spam the board with &amp shit even if the last /&amp/ thread was dead on arrival.

There's also the fact that I'm just slow. I've been overly cautious about picking/pruning candidates, and I've been holding onto the hope that more the contributors will contact me (they trickle in, but I'll obviously be waiting forever if I do that). At this point I want to take what's currently settled and make a genuine mock-up before making any threads. I managed to get all of the highly-ranked pieces extracted into PDF form, which was something I'd been meaning to do for a while but was incredibly tedious until I wrote code to do it for me (making these into images to post is an even bigger bitch). Next comes text extraction/transcription since I mostly only have access to the published PDFs and not the original documents (this is another painful process I've been avoiding).

Anyway, I've dragged my feet regarding the real work while waiting on recommendations for the list. I'll start promoting shit when I have more to show off, but I was overly ambitious before. It's my intention to do things solo to put the focus on the fundamentals.

>> No.21054884

>>21054864
It's kind of the equivalent of tracing pictures, so no, it's not going to improve your writing. But a slight tweak to the exercise is all you need: try to copy without looking back at the reference. You can take notes (e.g a sentence summarizing each paragraph) and work off of those.

>> No.21054906

I no longer care if what I write is good or not. If it is bad I will fix it in revision.

>> No.21054929

>write action scene
>Listen to Sanderson and ilk
>Lots of fast choppy sentences
>Emotions and feelings
>2 pages long
>Read twain
>He writes 3 sentences
>More information and imagery than I could muster in 2 pages.
How do the masters do it?

>> No.21054988

>>21054864
It helps you internalize the way things are written. I had compared it to rereading a book but another example is say a priest or scribe of some kind, they are adept at reciting stories because they "hide the words in their hearts." So when you copy you are like a scribe from 2000 years ago, acquainting yourself with every jot and tittle of a story. You get a feel for what makes it special because the words dont just pass over you, they flow from you. It eventually becomes natural to randomly quote things you are familiar with, so copying that way I think puts lots of examples in your head of what good writing reads like.

>> No.21055426

An university requested my publisher a copy of my novel for a piece on their magazine. Cool.

>> No.21055453

>>21055426
I want someone to take my novel

>> No.21055845

>>21054873
When you set the threads up as “&amp general” with a call for submissions at the top, it makes sense that people will discuss 015 and their
in-progress submissions in the thread, whether you think that’s silly or not. Disparaging their discussions and dismissing the few anons who are actually interested in this thing as a “circlejerk” just turns people away from helping with the project at all. It gives the impression that their interest and efforts are unappreciated. And how are they supposed to know what to work on (illustrations and design vs the list of favorites) when this whole project lacks all focus, and has no clear timeline? If you want people to work on a specific area of the project, then you need to set a clear list of tasks and give them specific directions. Set a defined schedule with a finalized release date, and let people know what work needs to be done at what time instead of handling it all yourself. That’s the only way to finish this thing successfully.

> It's my intention to do things solo to put the focus on the fundamentals.

The whole problem with &amp is that it’s meant to be for /lit/ and by /lit/, but it’s treated as a solo project, and left up to the whims of one man who doesn’t take the thing seriously and regularly disappears for months. It makes the contributors lose interest, because no one knows when the next issue will arrive and so they stop caring. If the editor had any regard for the project, he’d enlist others to work on it when he isn’t able to himself, to guarantee some kind of consistent release schedule. &amp could be thriving and getting a high volume of genuinely good submissions by now if he promoted it and worked on it with any consistency.

Don’t make the same error with this project. If you go underground in order to work on it solo, the few people who actually want to help will lose interest as well. Either treat this best-of as a compilation of your personal favorites or make it a genuinely communal thing where others share in the work. Better to have the project worked on by a “cabal,” as you put it, than by one man who wastes momentum by dragging his feet.

Best thing would be to harness the interest of other anons and put them to work on it instead of taking it all upon yourself. Rather than complaining that others have lost focus, you should give them something concrete to focus on. Maintain threads about the project and be transparent about what’s happening behind the scenes, or else it’ll fail like so many other /lit/ efforts have in the past.

>> No.21055865
File: 639 KB, 759x619, podcast owl.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
21055865

/unreal/ critique episode as promised
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gz2rfxegZZc

>> No.21055880

New Thread

>>21055879
>>21055879
>>21055879

>> No.21055985

>>21055453
I want someone to take me

>> No.21056025

>>21047605
https://discord.gg/BcFm4Xhr

>>
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