Books that don't exist

[Anonymous No.20847313]

In this thread we offer titles of books that don't exist and other anons tell us what the plots of those books would be.
I'll start with a few:
>In Woollen Chains
>Caulk for Charon
>Toad Control
>Harvest in Eden

[Anonymous No.20847342]

>>20847313
>Toad Control
An eco-terrorist gains the miraculous power to remote control toads (specifically cane toads) and attempts to destroy New Zeelands eco-systems.

[Anonymous No.20847352]

>>20847313
Quantified In Tyler Durden: An Ode To Converting Fat People To Soap

[Anonymous No.20847356]

>>20847313
>The Synthesis of the Objective and Subjective
A 2000 page tome that solves many questions in philosophy, considered to be even greater than Kant.

[Anonymous No.20847358]

>>20847313
>In Woollen Chains
retarded woman's fiction
>Caulk for Charon
gay crime fiction
>Toad Control
pesticide manual
>Harvest in Eden
gay crime fiction

[Anonymous No.20847366]

>>20847342
Kek, I'd read it

[Anonymous No.20847388]

>>20847313
>In woollen chains
Story about the textile industry in late 18th century Wales. Point of view of two initially unrelated characters whose stories intersect as the plot progresses. One a wool worker woman in a pre-industrial workshop. The other the youngest son of a wealthy landowner assigned to oversee the least profitable of his father's cottage industries. Story contains much prefiguring of the industrial revolution that is just around the corner and the transformation of industry and the relationship of the gentry and underclass

[Anonymous No.20847425]

>>20847356
>The Synthesis of the Objective and Subjective
A scientist attempts to transcend his own subjectivity through fusing his own mind with an AI that aggregates information from every database available to it. Instead of giving him objectivity, however, it causes him to alternate between moments of extreme, sublime understanding, and then awful terror of the magnitude of what has been shown to him. In an attempt to end his madness he performs a frontal lobotomy on himself

[Anonymous No.20847433]

Here I'll come up with some:
>Finite Solemnity
>The Anarchist Workout Manual
>Stranger in the Mirror
>Aristotle's Democracy
>Flight of the Frontier Birds

[Anonymous No.20847469]

>>20847433
>Finite solemnity
A monk sworn to silence on Mt Athos grows tired of the monastic life and ventures from the island and everything he has known for forty years. Travelling to the Greek mainland he learns to associate with people once again, learning to converse and re-embrace the power of expression. While there, he meets and strikes up a relationship with an female American novelist who has lost the ability to write dialogue and grown weary of the false literary scene in her own country.
>The Anarchist Workout Manual
A troublemaking teen decides to shitpost on an infamous, homoerotic fitness imageboard. Intending to offer advice that will injure or maim foolish DYELs, he concocts a series of posts that he attributes to a mysterious "Fitness anarchist" that supposedly works outside the bounds of society to improve the nation's musculature for some obscure reason. Despite his devious intentions and the ridiculous nature of the exercises he outlines, serious lifters take interest in his posts , deeming them invaluable advice, and compile them into the titular manual.

[Anonymous No.20847477]

>>20847433
>Finite Solemnity
gay psychology book
>The Anarchist Workout Manual
fiction (heh)
>Stranger in the Mirror
gay woman's fiction
>Aristotle's Democracy
philosophical treatise on aristotle
>Flight of the Frontier Birds
war drama or something talking about a war in general

[Anonymous No.20847478]

>>20847469
>Travelling to the Greek mainland he learns to associate with people once again, learning to converse and re-embrace the power of expression.
athos monks take frequent trips to various nearby villages and associate with people. they're just braindead and this doesn't affect them in a transformative way
t. Greek

[Anonymous No.20847480]

>>20847433
>>20847469
>Aristotle's Democracy
50% of this book is comprised of a dialogue with the counterpart uttering inane sycophantic statements like
- manifestly
- most true
- yes, he said inevitably
- yes indeed
- clearly
- That is exactly the truth.
- that is sure to be the case
- of course
- I quite agree
...etc.

The rest of the book teaches you how to manage slaves and enslave a society of 400,000 inhabitants with perhaps one tenth of one tenth of the population. This structure of enslavement will be repeated two millennia later, at a much more ambitious scale.

https://www.gutenberg.org/files/1497/1497-h/1497-h.htm

[Anonymous No.20847486]

>The Lady Of The Armbands
>Neowolf
>The Lament Of Gill And Ganesh

[Anonymous No.20847497]

>Machiavelli's Harem
>Control Machete
>The Brutal Existence of Jeremy Ainsley
>America's Overlords
>Innawoods With Uncle Ted
>Cerebrum
>The Stool and the Bucket
>Daddy's Not Coming Home
>The Third Hand
>Vagueness in Conception
>Futility in Expression
>Word Salad

[Anonymous No.20847498]

>>20847433
>The Anarchist Workout Manual
I see what you did there. A play on the anarchist cookbook.
So the anarchist workout would probably be like fighting techniques or something.
>A book written by some scrawny communist teen that watches too much anime, detailing all the sick le ebin anime fighting moves you can do when melee fighting le ebil fascists

[Anonymous No.20847525]

>>20847497
>The Third Hand
Fantasy set in a society where two principal organisations - or hands - exist in a sort of social symbiosis. The first hand performs something of a governmental, bureaucratic role, and allots the resources of the society to the second hand, which in turn organises production and agriculture, passing the products of these efforts back to the first hand. The nature of this arrangement is such that each hand runs its affairs in an almost entirely self contained manner, and is not privy to the workings of the other part. The story starts at a time when the system has started to fail drastically, and for an unknown reason. The protagonist is a first hand bureaucrat given the mission to audit the second hand. Given the nature of the symbiosis between the two parts of society, his task is something that has never before been attempted, and marks the first time that one from the other side has been given leave to investigate the workings of the other. The story takes place as something of a cross between a detective story and an account of a stranger in a new and unseen land. The protagonist begins to realise that there is, in fact, a third hand working within both of the hands and subverting the whole working of the society

[Anonymous No.20847540]

>>20847497
>>Word Salad
An artist copies Finnegan's wake word for word, intending to make a statement about postmodernism and the role of the author, then kills himself when he reads Borges

[Anonymous No.20847544]

>>20847486
>Thus Spake Zara.com - Official Website Spring Summer Collection Sale by Friedrich Nietzsche
>Fearlessness And Hammering by Soren Kierkegaarde
>The Tiktok Of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
>A Portrait Of A Transgender by Henry James
>Let Ranger Buy All Best Camels
>Cor! A Real Anus! by William Shakespeare
>Coriolrectum
>James Eyre

[Anonymous No.20847554]

>Mythologos
>Animachy and other illnesses
>Devil in the details: the judicial-industrial complex
>L' Etat Ideal
>How to lose friends and get scammed

[Anonymous No.20847572]

>>20847544
>Madame Ovary
>The Temptation Of Panzerfaust
>The Sorrows Were Her
>Grime And Gunishment
>War And War
>The Myth Of Sissy Fools

[Anonymous No.20847621]

>>20847572
>>20847554
>>20847544
>>20847497
Offer some plots as well mate

[Anonymous No.20847625]

>>20847352
popsci book with lots of quirky popculture remarks discussing body positivity and fat-shaming with conclusion: fat is le good, shaming is le bad
>bonus points:
written by a skinny middle-aged jewish woman with blue hair

[Anonymous No.20847634]

>>20847572
Kek!

[Anonymous No.20847645]

>>20847544
>>20847572
>Edible Pus by Sophocles
>If A Genital, Enters Your Iris by Euripides
>Childe Harolde's Grim Age, by Jeffrey Epstein
>Elon, FUBAR, Orbits Her Tit by Jorge Luis Borges

[Anonymous No.20847774]

>>20847313
> In woolen chains
In the year 2067 , society as a whole decided , that all justice should be rehabilitative and there shouldn't be any punitive measures , by 2087 many laws had been laid down . However this noble idea didn't produce the desired results , so the government decided to double down on it and instead decided to run a AI which will direct the behaviours of such individuals in such a way which it seems socially constructive through a range of subliminal messaging constant barrage of propaganda and other psychological manipulations .
Our protagonist is one such individual who is implanted with a chip so that the AI can 'direct' his behaviour and the book focuses on the effect such soft manipulation has on the protagonist . It isn't forceful as in a master forcing his slave to do it's bidding rather it is soft and all encompassing like wool but nonetheless it's an erosion of free will ..... something of this sort probably

[Anonymous No.20847908]

>>20847625
actually wrong, it's a manual on how to kill fat "people" and turn their fat into soap so they can be useful for once

[Anonymous No.20848135]

>Blackberry Fumble

A farmer, famous for his blackberry wine, is directing his young assistant in the stirring of the vat of wine, a task he does perilously from above, when disaster strikes and the young man falls in. The assistant is churned mercilessly in the machinery. As the farmer attempts to save the young man (a useless attempt. The boy had been mulched) a little bit of the brew splashes into his open mouth and immediately gets the strongest erection of his life.

The potent brew becomes a smash hit worldwide for its erotic possibilities, but there is a terrible price to be paid in the mixing of it; one that will consume the farmer and his entire family.

[Anonymous No.20848219]

Breathes of hope, by Georges Amadheus Floyd.

[Anonymous No.20848319]

>>20847313
Discourse critique essay insight into the phenomenal doctrine dialogue of the spiritual holy ethics pure reason of the, by Dominique Ferdinand Arnaud de Beauplessys en Demargue (Complete works Vol. XXIV.)

[Anonymous No.20848344]

>>20847908
then i'd read, based

[Anonymous No.20848410]

The 6 Emperors

Ouissam & Maggie

The Manifest of Gijs

A Berber Odyssey

Alphonse Adventure

Colonel Boris Barbossa

Operation Keystone

[Anonymous No.20848420]

>>20847358
>>20847477
>teehee gay gay gay hey guys let’s all get gay!
Fuck off

[Anonymous No.20848449]

>>20847774
Nice idea anon.

>Neowolf
Low tier science fiction about a cybernetic wolf engineered by the defense industry to engage in warfare. Wolf isn't up to scratch and ends up working as a partner with a jaded detective solving crime. The wolf's animal nature causes problems that are only offset by it's massively increased intelligence and physical ability

>On Glass Pages
>All the Small Lords

[Anonymous No.20848454]

>>20848219
This would be a really cheesy book about an African-American family overcoming the struggles of racism in pursuit of the American dream and seeking justice for police brutality, with a Mary Sue black woman protagonist. The final pages would be preaching feel-good anti-racism "let's all get along" bullshit without any self-awareness after the protagonist BTFOs a racist whitey who's actions weren't racially motivated, but with all cultural marxist works, anti-whiteness has to be hamfisted into everything.

The book would be nominated for several awards and become required readings in all American middle schools.

captcha: GS0YYW

[Anonymous No.20848471]

>Dark Heiny Time
>The Microchip In Leslie's Molar: How I Learned Telepathy Through Making Out With A Targeted Individual(author featured on the JRE Show)
>Sniff Musty: A Life In Retrospect
>The Bank, The Reptiles, And The Money I Spent On Drugs- And What These All Have In Common

[Anonymous No.20848474]

>>20847342
Please someone make it.
I like deep diving into useless powers until they're actually good and useful and super powerful because of some bullshit.
Because what is the government going to do? Wage a war against toads? They'll brush it off as not important until it's too late.

[Anonymous No.20848478]

>>20848449
>On Glass Pages
A YA drama about the fragility of human relationships, stating that they are all "on glass pages" on the last sentence of the book.

>All the Small Lords
Similar to Lord of the Flies, a large group of young boys who are isolated from the rest of human civilization began to structure themselves into a feudal society to establish order and ensure needs are met. Rather than having themes of the violent human nature like LotFs, All the Small Lords instead focuses on themes of hierarchy, order, and inequality and how such things arise in a society. The plot will detail power struggles between the king and nobility while the serfs become frustrated with unfair living conditions.

[Anonymous No.20848495]

>>20847342
And by doing this it inadvertently disrupts Dream Time and an ancient chaos spirit begins to awaken

[Anonymous No.20848552]

>>20848410
>The 6 Emperors
A generic fantasy novel, either about six heirs to an imperial throne, or six different kingdoms.

>Ouissam & Maggie
A story that has nothing to do with anyone named Ouissam or Maggie, who are only mentioned briefly, but despite this nonsensical title the book becomes regarded as one of the best books of all time for it's prose and themes.

>The Manifest of Gijs
An adventure-mystery novel about a mysterious ship with a peculiar passenger list.

>A Berber Odyssey
An adventure story about a young man from Morocco trekking across the world.

>Alphonse Adventure
A children's about a boy named Alphonse who goes on adventures.

>Colonel Boris Barbossa
A fictional war memoir, clearly embellish to make Boris Barbossa look much more heroic than he actually is, set in any time period from the middle ages to the current.

>Operation Keystone
Either:
A story set in the upcoming civil war/balkanization wars of the United States, about a group of rebels who plan to destroy the Keystone pipeline.
Or a story set in WW2 about a top-secret mission.

[Anonymous No.20848591]

>>20847497
>>Machiavelli's Harem
A scholarly book revealing how Machiavelli was a sex slave merchant.

[Anonymous No.20848603]

>>20848319
A near-incoherent philosophy book from the seventeenth or eighteenth that was originally written as a parody of other philosophical essays, but no one picked up on the satire (as Dominique Ferdinand Arnaud de Beauplessys en Demargue did publish many serious philosophical works that are held in high regard) and instead this book is ignored by academia as one of those "impossible" dilemmas put forth by a remarkable genius, while pseuds on /lit/ who claim to have read it pretend like they understand it and shill their bullshit interpretations.

[Anonymous No.20848640]

>>20847469
I'd read the Anarchist's workout manual sounds kino

[Anonymous No.20848647]

>>20847313
>convergence: a winter’s tail
>on the sophistry of forms
>Whitney 68
>who’s in mommy’s bed?

[Anonymous No.20848648]

>>20847313
>Harvest in Eden
A Stephen King-esque lowbrow horror/dystopian book about some seemingly mechanical entity (or entities) who keep humans as livestock and "harvest" them. The protagonist joins the fight against such entity and heroically defeats it but at a great cost for a bittersweet ending. In classic pop horror/dystopian fashion the final scene will be sequel bait that makes the protagonist's struggle ultimately fruitless. It will become very popular with normies and have a movie adaptation before completely fading from the public consciousness in two weeks with a sequel either never being made/published, or being released years after the initial hype and flopping.

[Anonymous No.20848672]

>>20847554
>Mythologos
Ancient book of myths, most involving Zeus raping women and twinks
>Animachy and other illnesses
A snide memoir by a Jewish doctor in Queens who brags about how much men suck and how much sex she had in her doctorate program
>Devil in the details: the judicial-industrial complex
A book complaining how muh innocent criminals are being jailed by for profit prisons
>L' Etat Ideal
A French translation of More’s Utopia
>How to lose friends and get scammed
A pdf related to those YouTube ads that talk about how you can quit your job and make passive income by wrangling your friends into a pyramid scheme

[Anonymous No.20848692]

>>20847497
>The Brutal Existence of Jeremy Ainsley
a ripoff of suskind's Pigeon except halfway the character becomes paranoid, bloatmaxxes and goes on a coke binge that ends in him burning down a gypsy camp

[Anonymous No.20848700]

>The Young Woman and the Land
>West of Gehenna
>Of Elephants and Women
>A Country for Young Women
>Parent of Satan

>Samuel's Death
>Of Clowns and Lawmen
>A Broken Coin
>He Goes North
>Rubber Shoes
>God's Wallet

[Anonymous No.20848745]

-90 Seconds To Protoplasmic Heaven
-A Small Notch In Bell-End
-The Cluster-B Narcissist's Newsletter
-Fægot Franklin: Anthology of Poems

[Anonymous No.20848748]

>>20848700
>he goes north
A story about the Great Migration, as narrated by a young black woman who overcomes all odds and starts a successful bakery in Chicago (the he in question is her father, who is driven mad by the First World War and kills himself by jumping in front of a train)
>parent of Satan
A ripoff of The Omen, taking place in rural Utah as the Antichrist rises through the ranks of the LDS church and later becoming US president, fulfilling Joseph Smith’s White Horse prophecy but also dooming the world to 1000 years of darkness
>A Country for Young Women
A lesbian only feminist commune and it’s trials and tribulations as they go insane from bad acid and a lack of nutrition, eating each other and eventually raping any man who comes their way in hopes of making the next generation

[Anonymous No.20848773]

>>20848692
Nobel prize material

[Anonymous No.20848785]

>>20847497
>Daddy's Not Coming Home
A children's book for fatherless youth written by a fat, blue-haired feminist. Rather than teaching such children healthy coping mechanisms for parental abandonment, it instead simultaneously tells children that father figures are toxic masculinity while describing things in a tone-deaf manner that will only exacerbate a child's daddy abandonment issues.

>>20848647
>who’s in mommy’s bed?
A children's book for kids with mothers who sleep around. Written by the same feminist author as above. All the illustrations feature a black man with a white woman. It tries to tell the reader that it's a good thing if your mommy is a whore but it's written in such an insecure manner that any kid above the age of six can see that it's a blatant lie.

[Anonymous No.20848795]

>>20848785
Holy shit, someone has probably written these books havent they

[Anonymous No.20848843]

>>20848319
kek

[Anonymous No.20848851]

>>20848785
>“It may seem confusing at first, why mommy calls Darnel “daddy” when they’re not married. But mommy is just making things better, because black people like Darnel have been treated bad by white people for a very long time! Maybe if you’re lucky, you’ll have a pretty brown sibling!”
>”little people without daddies are very very lucky, because mommy can find a new daddy who is even better! Or best of all, mommy can find another mommy, and you’ll be the luckiest kid at school, because you have 2 mommies!”

[Anonymous No.20848857]

>>20848843
fucking lol

[Anonymous No.20848858]

>>20847497
>Control Machete
already exists
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gvKwmEDe7U

[Anonymous No.20848860]

>Symmetry of hatred
>5 milligrams short of grace
>The rich hours of Sir James Birder
>Flightless dove
>The Naggamünd
>Warflower
>Triangular ecstasy
>Otherdreams

[Anonymous No.20848864]

>Pure Blue and other verse works
>how we crizzle
>2050: How we can stop it

[Anonymous No.20848902]

>>20848860
>Symmetry of hatred
A novel about the cycle of hate and violence. The plot follows two different characters on different sides of a conflict who fall into the pit of hatred into a self-destructive battle against each other. The grand irony is that the two characters would've been great friends had it not been for this conflict.

>5 milligrams short of grace
An addict tries to kill himself by overdosing on a fictional drug. He was 5 milligrams short of reaching an OD. The story follows the events leading up to the attempt, with the suicide attempt being the climax, and the events after the attempt where the protagonist undergoes rehabilitation. This book could only be written by someone who has nearly overdosed on narcotics before.

>The rich hours of Sir James Birder
For half a day, a formerly broke and desolate middle-aged man gets to live lavishly and partake in pleasures he never imagined himself in. After the wealth is taken away, James Birder is stuck between contemplating suicide or starting a fruitless pursuit to become wealthy again.

>>20848864
>how we crizzle
A lighthearted humorous book mocking inner city-youth gangs.

>2050: How we can stop it
An satirical essay with contents similar to that of Sam Hyde's Ted Talk.

[Anonymous No.20848908]

>The Sorcerer's Gray Monkey
>The Metempsychotic's Choice
>The Thirteen Eyes of Jason Maximilian
>Jarring Julius: The Art of Psychosomatic Silicon-Wrapping
>>20848860
>>The Naggamünd
Epic Poem written by an AI in New German about the last days of a planet (sci fi ragnaraok)
>>20848864
>>Pure Blue and other verse works
poems written by a former fighter pilot who lost his hearing while flying and later got into hiking and underwater caving

[Anonymous No.20848916]

Fizzle Fizzle Donkey Monkey

[Anonymous No.20848964]

>>20848916
> Fizzle Fizzle Donkey Monkey
A philosophical post modern novel parodying John Gardner‘s Grendel, portraying Donkey Kong as a self aware AI who understands he’s stuck throwing barrels at Mario but must fulfill his role. The author gets a cease and desist from Disney for being too close to wreck it Ralph

[Anonymous No.20848984]

>My Perfect Girlfriend
>28 Bikes on Cotton Street
>Digital Ideology Noumena
>The Life of Patrick Sonning

[Anonymous No.20848992]

>>20848984
all are sleazy erotica from the 70s

[Anonymous No.20849006]

>>20848992
>Digital Ideology Noumena
>sleazy erotica from the 70s
Digital Ideology Noumena seems Landian, I'm curious as to what that is doing in the 70s. Time machine? Early cybernetics research?

[Anonymous No.20849034]

Sneed
Feed
Seed

[Anonymous No.20849035]

>Days of green
>Straight tale
>What has been said of Stewart Onnagan
>Between the isles
>Exquisite gardens
>The burning labyrinth
>We, the wicked
>Amongst the great
>The ephemeral infinity of being

[Anonymous No.20849044]

>>20849006
>In philosophy, a noumenon (/ˈnuːmənɒn/, UK also /ˈnaʊ-/; from Ancient Greek νoούμενον; plural noumena) is a posited object or an event that exists independently of human sense and/or perception
it's bdsm in space

[Anonymous No.20849085]

>>20848700
>West of Gehenna
Details the journey and struggles of a couple trying to move out of the hellscape that modern California has become, as they scrape by enough money amidst rapidly increasing costs of living to move to either Hawaii, Alaska, or Australia. When they almost have enough money saved up for the move, their home is destroyed by a fire tornado in a catastrophic wildfire, forcing them to take refuge in one of the citadels of sin in Gehenna (AKA one of the Californian metropolises) and they have to start all over again. The costs of living begin to exceed the rate at which they can save money. They get evicted from their shitbox apartment become one of nameless, faceless, homeless people on the streets of San Francisco or Los Angeles that big tech millionaires and movie stars drive past everyday on their way to expensive restaurants and clubs.

[Anonymous No.20849146]

>>20848474
I ripped the idea off from a similar irl happening. QRD is that a commie named Steward Smith released all his pet fish into New Zeelands waterways, basically BTFO'ing the country as its 'arch environmental criminal'.

[Anonymous No.20849147]

>>20849035
>The burning labyrinth
An F. Gardner novel about a boy who gets trapped in a labyrinth created by an evil AI hidden under Chicago and has to escape the slowly rising heat before he gets cooked alive. He escapes from the Labyrinth after getting into psychic contact with Nick Land, whom he convinces to hack the temperature control of the Labyrinth and guide him out. The big twist is that labyrinth was all in his head, instead it was a way to cope with the fact that he couldn't rescue his baby brother who got locked in a "smart" oven and can't get over the guilt and trauma he has from that incident.

[Anonymous No.20849217]

>>20849147
Based schizo gardnerposting

[Anonymous No.20849242]

>>20849147
>>20849217
This is what the cover would look like

[Anonymous No.20849253]

>>20849147
>>20849217
>>20849242
Haha this gardener wacko is so crazy. He even thinks the earth is flat! What a schizo

[Anonymous No.20849340]

>>20849217
>>20849253
I wasn't trying to mock Gardner or anything. His books are actually have those types of twists. I just thought a Gardner plot would do well with a title like "The Burning Labyrinth". If you think Gardner is just a retarded schizo you are a /lit/ pseud who has never read. Although he probably does play it up a bit for the attention.

[Anonymous No.20849392]

>The Mountain Moves Inward
>Time Over Tuscaloosa, Or How I Learned To Love The Itch
>Fregg
>The Puss Boils Over
>Turdophilia
>Through The Dustman's Window
>Tesseract in Kallipolis
>Gardner's Garden

[Anonymous No.20849415]

>>20847313
>Caulk for Charon
Sci-fi survival comedy about a lone maintenance worker just trying to do his job on a research base in a crater on Charon. The scientific crew so obsessed with their own affairs they can't see the danger of the station imploding around them as their overworked and underpaid maintenance crew (One dude) desperately tries to plug holes, fix life support, and avoid whatever latest disaster their experiments have brought to the station.

[Anonymous No.20849426]

>>20849035
>Straight tale
the ironic title of a memoir of the gay son of a famous Christian fiction writer, who used her children as the example of a perfect Christian family only for her husband to be a philandering drug addict, her son (the author) to be a gay atheist and her daughter to later marry a Muslim and change her name to Aisha. The last words his mother tells him is, "I'm so sorry I'll have to see you all burning in hell... maybe the angels will be my new family".
>Exquisite gardens
A historical Drama novel about a 18th century english noblewoman and her family as the gardeners they've been treating badly slowly poison them one by one and gaslight her into believing the ghost of her great aunt is punishing her for marrying the wrong brother, causing her to kill her husband and later herself in the rose garden.
>Between the isles
A sugar plantation owner and a half-Polynesian woman are soulmates, but WWII threatens their relationship and he ends up being tortured to death by the Japanese with a letter proposing to her among his confiscated belongings.

[Anonymous No.20849443]

The toilet papers

[Anonymous No.20849746]

>>20848552
>Ouissam & Maggie
>A story that has nothing to do with anyone named Ouissam or Maggie, who are only mentioned briefly, but despite this nonsensical title the book becomes regarded as one of the best books of all time for it's prose and themes.
Kek & based.

[Anonymous No.20849805]

>All Crime Is Good
>Selected Writings Of Gas Station Bums
>DIY Alchemy: For the alchemist practicing without a license
>Blake's New Arm
>Left Wing Of Insect, Right Thigh Of Animal

[Anonymous No.20849819]

>>20849805
>Blake's New Arm
riding off the coatails of the CWC trial, this is yet another grimdark retelling of a sonichu character, this time Black Sonichu (Blake), and how he realizes Giovanni was right all along to oppose the increasingly nonsensical events around him. Critical consensus is this is a shameful waste of time by an A-log writer compensating for his own autism and lack of talent in writing.

[Anonymous No.20849891]

>>20848410
>The 6 emperors
A fantasy/fictional telling of the entire history of an empire, seen through the eyes of the 6 emperors that reigned it as absolute monarchs, which goes from the very succesful start, to the stagnation and eventual rapid fall of the empire. Through the book you see not only the mistakes that the mid-late emperors made to cause the fall of the empire, but also notice that many of the things that the early succesful emperors did, although succesful at the time, would plant the seeds of the problems that the later emperors would have to deal with. By the end of the book you are expected to have realiced that both the good and the bad emperors were just humans who did what they could with their perso al qualities and the external circumstances they were dealt, and that a system that places all power into the hands of an individual of a fundamentally flawed species is bound to fail.

[Anonymous No.20850256]

>>20847498
I kind of want to write the anarchist workout manual now. What sorts of shitty exercise and "wellness" techniques would one master to smash the fash?

I'm thinking meditations and visualization exercises as well as diatribes about how you don't actually need muscles and you could totally beat that gymbro with fighting techniques based on (communist)Chinese accupuncture.

[Anonymous No.20850268]

>>20847774
Sounds comfy

[Anonymous No.20850277]

>Rubik's Cockblock
A bunch of nerds got obsessed with the rubik's cube as speed cubers and the internet and personal computers were never invented

[Anonymous No.20850293]

>>20848843
Kek

[Anonymous No.20850765]

>>20849392
>Fregg
A weird Diary of a Wimpy Kid spinoff that features a strange hybrid of Greg and Fregley, named "Fregg" who has the sociopathic nature of Greg with the disgusting sperginess of Fregley.

[Anonymous No.20850802]

>My name isn’t Biden

[Anonymous No.20850809]

>>20847313
>Necronomicon

[Anonymous No.20850971]

>>20848860
>flightless dove
The story of a high-ranking Roman soldier falling in love with a lame (like, she can't walk, but she's pretty cool) priestess

>warflower
The sequel where they both run away from their responsibilities in the society, only to be caught up by the FATES (i know that's Greek) and are separated and thrust back into their old lives, but in a new context

>Otherdreams
The final book of the trilogy. In the end, they get their "happily ever after", but because of the course of events it's ambiguous whether or not they're alive on Earth still, or if they've both died and gone to an afterlife, or whanot. Bittersweet ending.

Fuck. Now, I have to write it.

My titles
Ariande's Yarn
An Acoustic Heart
The Melencholia

[Anonymous No.20850985]

>>20850971
>Ariande's Yam
A book about a very special sweet potato grown by a girl named Ariande

[Anonymous No.20850988]

>>20849147
>his baby brother who got locked in a "smart" oven
Fucking kek

[Anonymous No.20850998]

>>20850985
:)

[Anonymous No.20851065]

>>20847313
The Ghost Lemurs of Madagascar

[Anonymous No.20851209]

>>20847480
Funny but it's Plato who used to write dialogues

[Anonymous No.20851220]

>>20847313
Prey For Rain
Concrete Jungle Monkey
Human Beans
A Walk With Derrida
Coal Black Forest
Letters To Nero
The Dead Seal Club

That should be good

[Anonymous No.20851229]

>>20851220
>Letters To Nero
Obviously written by Seneca trying to recover Nero's sanity

[Anonymous No.20851232]

>>20851220
>Human Beans
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DSVDcw6iW8

[Anonymous No.20851264]

>>20847313
Made of Wood

[Anonymous No.20851318]

>>20851220
>Coal Black Forest
A man goes on a weekend trip with a friend to the woods. They become separated somehow, and the protagonist comes across an old, abandoned coal mine where he slips, falls down a slope and smashes his head against a stone. Upon waking, he finds that he can't see a thing, but can feel the walls of the mine around him. He tries to shine his torch in front of him but there is no light. He has lost his bag with his phone and matches. He can feel the breeze from outside, so he is not deep in the cave. There is birdsong. It begins to dawn on him that he has gone blind. In terror, he crawls up the slope towards the fresher air, pulling himself up through the briars. When he reaches the woods, he begins to stumble around, calling for his friend. All he can do is keep walking, so he begins to wander, stumbling from tree to tree, shouting. Under his feet, gradually, the landscape begins to change in unsettling ways. The soft loam of the forest gives way to a grit and glass. A chemical stench fills the air. The trees he grips onto become dry and dead. Venturing further and further, he seems to be in a wasteland. Sounds that don't sound human or animal - horrible groans and wails begins to come from the cold air.

[Anonymous No.20851343]

>>20847425
I'm stealing this

[Anonymouṡ No.20851663]

>>20847313
>Harvest in Eden
[Horror]
A mysterious chef arrives in Paris & opens a top-end restaurant. Quickly acquires a brilliant reputation.
His signature dish is fabulously expensive and available only very occasionally.
Celebrities join a decade-long waiting list to taste it.
It's endlessly discussed but the recipe remains a closely-guarded secret.
A rival, overwhelmed with curiosity, hires a private detective to follow the chef on his annual globetrotting ingredient-sourcing expedition.
He's led to an idyllic undiscovered valley in Syria where the animals are playful and impossibly cute, with no fear of humans...

[Anonymouṡ No.20851667]

>>20847433
>Stranger in the Mirror
[Near-future sci-fi thriller a la P.K.Dick]
MC wakes up.
Hey, this isn't my room.
This isn't my bed either.
What — I don't have a girlfriend.
Or a wife. Whatever.
Did she bring me here last night?
He tries to remember last night. Fails. (Not entirely unprecedented. He's a struggling wannabe-actor who has talent but never got a break. As a result his life is a bit of a disaster area. He has a drink problem.)
He wanders into bathroom. Looks in mirror.
What's going on?
Have I gone mad?
Or has someone swapped my brain into his body?
Why would they do that?
(Can they even do that nowadays?)
Woman wakes up. She's not the least attractive women ever. She says good morning in a sleepy, happy voice. The name she calls him by is not his. It's the name of the man in the mirror. He's a well-known Hollywood star.
(Or am I in fact him, and they've just messed around with his memories?)

Man faces a quandary. This life is better than his old one. Much better.

Should he try to find out what's going on, or just run with it? (Or both?)

[Anonymouṡ No.20851678]

>>20847425
>awful terror of the magnitude of what has been shown to him
Sounds a bit like the Total Perspective Vortex from Douglas Adams

[Anonymous No.20851687]

>Flight of the Eagle, Freight of the Dove

The Great Epic of African Mythology. It tells the story of Creation, and the 1000's of gods that sprang from the Void, set in motion by Esh, the primordial god of fate, time and chaos. It is he who sets existence in motion, and begins the great epic of struggle, a story told by the sorceress Africa. She tells the tales of all the various gods, heroes, demons, animals, plants, rocks, sands and all the spirits and stories that dwell on earth.

The work is massive: some 150.000 pages, and increasingly expanding, even after Christianity and Islam tried to erase it in secret. However, the epic story of love, loss, life, death and rebirth cannot be erased, for it is a story we live out, and die out in real life

[Anonymouṡ No.20851700]

>>20848700
>Of Elephants and Women
[Horror/Comedy in the style of Chuck Palahniuk]
A group of bored wealthy thrill-seeking women, having exhausted all canine possibilities, form a club which travels round the world having sex with the most extreme animals possible. The surgical procedures they undergo to make these couplings physiologically possible are described in frighteningly plausible detail.

[Anonymouṡ No.20851752]

>>20848864
>2050: How we can stop it
[Supernatural/psychological horror]
An eight-year-old boy is precocious & slightly scary. (Think Calvin & Hobbes meets the Exorcist.) He wants to stay up late and fights an unending psychological war with his parents over going to bed. One day he persuades them to let him watch an educational programme on TV which ends at 8:50 p.m. "All right," they say, "but you are going straight up those stairs the very second the credits are over."

The three of them sit on the couch to watch the programme and we enter into the child's disturbed psyche as he fantasizes ever-more-desperate ways to slow the passage of time. By the end of the story he will have won a gruesome Pyrrhic victory.

[Anonymous No.20851833]

>>20847313
>The Valleys Between the Knuckles
>The Seed and the Soil

[Anonymouṡ No.20851838]

>>20848984
>My Perfect Girlfriend
[Comic short story]
A young man wants to not be single any more. Reading that girls are more attracted to boys who already have girlfriends, he decides to fake one up, and embarks on elaborate schemes to prove her existence (letters, social media posts, etc). Then he meets a real girl and they actually hit it off. Unfortunately his parents, even though they haven't met her in person, have already marked the imaginary girl down as a perfect daughter-in-law,. They would definitely disapprove of him dumping her unceremoniously for this new girl. He therefore has to find some plausible way to kill the old one off.

[Anonymous No.20851848]

>>20847313
>Fleshy Meaty
>Hard Men Hitting Harder Men
>Bent Back Thumb Knuckle
>Dirt Iris

I have more enjoyment coming up with titles and story ideas than actually writing out the damn things lmao

[Anonymous No.20851899]

>>20847313
Celestial Gardens.
Solar Spear.
On The Other Side.
Essence Of Light.
10 Days Of Edmund Gooseberry's Life.
Hamartia.
Sisters of Light and Darkness.
The Snowy Fields.
Emerald Empress.

Good luck. You are going to need it.

[Anonymous No.20851923]

>>20851848
>I have more enjoyment coming up with titles and story ideas than actually writing out the damn things
Yup. Same here. Because in the end, writing it is just chaff - useless words to string together and obscure whatever your creation is.

[Anonymouṡ No.20851956]

>>20849805
>Selected Writings Of Gas Station Bums
[Short story]
A young professor of literature is driving across the country. He stops at a petrol station (Americans call them gas stations) in the middle of nowhere and uses the bathroom (restroom). Being one of life's readers, as he sits he reads the door. Most of it is the usual misspelled rubbish but down near the bottom a haiku catches his eye. It's remarkably good. He thinks no more of it but finds over the coming weeks he can't get the little poem out of his mind. He searches for it on Google, but no, it seems to be original. Eventually, prompted by an impulse he can't explain, he returns to the area and visits every gas station restroom along that highway in both directions. He finds a trail of similar haiku, all unmistakeably the same author, twenty or forty or a hundred miles apart, stretching from Texas into Arizona, if indeed Texas borders Arizona. Individually they are striking. Viewed together their melancholy beauty is overwhelming. Then in Arizona the trail goes cold. Our hero resolves to track down this mysterious latter-day Charles Bukowski and save him from his life of sordid wandering, or at least buy him a beer.

[Anonymouṡ No.20851987]

A dozen titles:


FICTION

— How Many Fingers Does A Man Require?
— Concerto For Lollipop And Orchestra
— Mine Eyes Have Seen The Glory Of The Chairman Of The Board
— How To Climb A Tree
— Screensavers In Empty Rooms
— Have You Tried Switching It Off And On Again, Mr President?
NON-FICTION

— Life Lessons From Albert Fish
— One, Two, Three, Five
— Embracing The Cactus
— What You Do Wrong Every Morning
— The Triangular Feminist
— Midnight Thoughts At Thrice The Speed Limit

[Anonymouṡ No.20851992]

A dozen titles:


FICTION

— How Many Fingers Does A Man Require?
— Concerto For Lollipop And Orchestra
— Mine Eyes Have Seen The Glory Of The Chairman Of The Board
— How To Climb A Tree
— Screensavers In Empty Rooms
— Have You Tried Switching It Off And On Again, Mr President?


NON-FICTION

— Life Lessons From Albert Fish
— One, Two, Three, Five
— Embracing The Cactus
— What You Do Wrong Every Morning
— The Triangular Feminist
— Midnight Thoughts At Thrice The Speed Limit

[Anonymous No.20852014]

>>20851923
>Yup. Same here. Because in the end, writing it is just chaff - useless words to string together and obscure whatever your creation is.
You don't have a creation at all unless you write something. This sounds like trite cope for laziness and lack of effort.

[Anonymouṡ No.20852220]

>>20848478

>Flies of the Lord
Feminist reworking of Vanity Fair. Ambitious young woman rises through the ranks of 18th-century London society by giving wealthy and influential gentlemen clandestine blowjobs under the table during dinner parties.

[Anonymous No.20852243]

>Life Lessons From Albert Fish

[Anonymous No.20852248]

>>20847313
The Gnomiology of Sprites

[Anonymouṡ No.20852285]

>>20847497
>Daddy's Not Coming Home
This modern children's classic tells the heartrending story of a young African-American whose brain surgeon father is hunted for sport and shot down in cold blood by frenzied Louisiana police officers. Universally praised, it quickly becomes an obligatory fixture in bookshops and primary schools across the land. A decade later, however, a scandal erupts when it is discovered that the book actually uses subtle Neuro-Linguistic Programming techniques to tip children in similar situations towards suicide, and has been responsible for literally thousands of deaths in black communities every year since its publication.

[Anonymouṡ No.20852303]

>>20847525
Cute idea. Could be realized as a sort of paranoid Pynchian romp.

[Anonymouṡ No.20852347]

>>20849085
>the journey and struggles of a couple trying to move out of the hellscape that modern California has become
You could consciously echo/parody Grapes of Wrath. (Would be neater if your couple wanted to do the exact reverse of the Joads; i.e. get out of California and back to the Oaklahoma dustbowl).

[Anonymouṡ No.20852403]

>>20849085
>the journey and struggles of a couple trying to move out of the hellscape that modern California has become
You could consciously echo/parody Grapes of Wrath. (Would be neater if your couple wanted to do the exact reverse of the Joads; i.e. get out of California and back to the Oklahoma dustbowl).

[Anonymous No.20852407]

>In Woollen Chains
in the welsh countryside, a man can’t stop fucking his prize sheep.

[Anonymouṡ No.20852895]

>>20847486
>The Lady Of The Armbands
A young man, watching some rare footage from 1930s Germany, sees a young lady handing out armbands at a rally and is struck by her other-worldly beauty. He resolves to track her down and over the next few years searches all the extant written and photographic records for her, becoming an expert on the period in the process. Eventually, in an obscure museum in Eastern Europe, he discovers her diary, where he reads a heartbreaking tale of courage and loss amidst the death-throes of a great nation. The final entry is a plea to whoever finds it not to let her story be forgotten. This spurs him into action, with cataclysmic consequences.

[Anonymous No.20854159]

Good thread

[Anonymous No.20854214]

>>20848748
>A Country for Young Women
>A lesbian only feminist commune and it’s trials and tribulations as they go insane from bad acid and a lack of nutrition
This would be great as a sort of modern Greek myth. An Odysseus or Theseus character coming across this colony of lunatic woke lesbians who have gone insane and rapey. Touch of dead space or something in there too

[Anonymous No.20854250]

>The Mountain Moves Inward
An account of the last days of an old widowed farmer's life before a landslide hits the valley he lives in. The event itself is described throughout the chapters, and is not a surprise, but is rather used to illustrate a point about the similarities between the old man's life and the cataclysm that would end it and bury his legacy

[Anonymous No.20854324]

>The last president and the first emperor
>>20847313
>In Woollen Chains
A magical realism story about a guy who joins the furry fandom: from lust to madness, from fursona to werewolf.
>Harvest in Eden
A book about the neolithic revolution (the worst mistake in the history of mankind).
>>20847433
>>20847497
>The Anarchist Workout Manual
>Innawoods With Uncle Ted
Books written by Kaczynski's boyfriend, world bestseller, one of the reasons for the 2040s anti-industrial revolution.

[Anonymous No.20854345]

>>20847313
>gnome hyperborea
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpL-nBFGm-g

[Anonymous No.20854359]

>>20851833
>>The Seed and the Soil
A gay drama about two guys from a nazi mormon commune who survived a nuclear war in the Rocky Mountains. At the end, one of them kills his father, the leader of the commune, and they flee to a devastated California.

[Anonymous No.20854392]

>>20854359
Both die from radiation sickness on the Golden Gate Bridge.

[Anonymous No.20854418]

>>20847313
Lady Hecate: The Truth About the Gallic Gift

[Anonymous No.20854515]

>>20847313
>The ragged bastions
> The infantile room
> Commissioned voyeurism
>Anti-life baby

[Anonymous No.20854527]

"A Bed to Die In"

[Anonymous No.20854676]

>>20849035
>>What has been said of Stewart Onnagan
A coming of age novel narrated from the perspective of a biographer

[Anonymous No.20854726]

>>20847433
>stranger in the mirror
A orphan who begins suffering from dementia from a early age. Is unable to function is society, he lives in a scrapyard and his most prized possession is a mirror. As his dementia progresses he forgets his own appearance and doesn’t recognise himself in the mirror eventually he believes the man in the mirror to be a different individual each times he looks in it. he has lengthy conversations with himself his unstable memory leading him to believe he is a different person each time. Eventually one day a stray rock thrown by a kid hits the mirror crushing it, the man convinced he is now alone slowly continues to deteriorate until he eventually dies.

[Anonymous No.20854730]

>The Devil Shits on Bourbon Street
>Lost in Lust and Love in the Bousbir
>21 bars on a 7 Mile Island

[Anonymous No.20855864]

>>20854726
I'd read it but I think breaking the mirror could lead to a more interesting reaction.

[Anonymous No.20855934]

The Winds of Winter.

[Anonymous No.20856557]

>>20847313
>The Sumerian search for a thousand year Cock: Tome 15/34 ,translation from Esperanto by Tim Wise and Stephen King (with introduction by George Soros, Replika.ai and Gabibbo), illustrated by Marina Abramoviç.

[Anonymous No.20856568]

>>20847572
>War and War
A retelling of the 2022 UkropvsRuskeez military conflict

[Anonymous No.20856577]

>>20851992
>— What You Do Wrong Every Morning
Trash book that made the author a billionaire.

[Anonymous No.20857561]

>>20848410
>The 6 Emperors
Pulitzer-prize winning novel written by a man about a woman. The whole thing takes place over a single afternoon in her apartment as she reminisces about her childhood. Non-linear, encyclopedic, and self-refferential, the book is named after six playing cards with kings on them that are mentioned in a flashback only once.

>>20850971
>Ariande's Yarn
Pulp historical/mythological fiction. Cheesy romance between Ariadne and Donovi set in ancient Corinth or something equally trite. Homoerotic subtext means Tumblr girlies never stop posting quotes from it.

[Anonymous No.20857688]

>>20851220
>Letters To Nero
The story of the romantic relationship between Sporus and Nero. Incredibly popular among twelve-year-old girls.
>The Dead Seal Club
A postmodern masterpiece about a group of environmental activists who decide to resurrect a species of recently extinct seal from the dead. Banned in twenty countries for blasphemy and disgusting scenes of sex with dead animals.
>>20851065
I watched the cartoon "Madagascar" and for some reason decided that it was possible to create a magnificent psychological horror on the basis of this.
- The author is in court, suing for copyright infringement.
>>20851318
I want the full story, you're a cool man.

[Anonymous No.20857742]

>>20851992
>How Many Fingers Does A Man Require?
A blackpilling comedy about a man who is missing several fingers in the dating market. He can't get a girlfriend because he can't finger them. The novel serves as satirical commentary on the absurdity of women's standards in the 21st century dating market.

>How To Climb A Tree
A children's book about a boy who climbs a tree.

>Have You Tried Switching It Off And On Again, Mr President?
A comedy about nuclear warfare in the same vein of Dr. Strangelove. The nuclear launch computers malfunction, and one of the officers ask the Big P, "Have you tried switching off and on again, Mr. President?"

>One, Two, Three, Five
A retarded self-help book that claims that skipping step four is the pass to success because you need to push yourself ahead to make it.

>Embracing The Cactus
A satirical nonfiction on hugging cacti and other dangerous flora.

>The Triangular Feminist
The latest New York Times bestseller, a feminist theory book that details three aspects of femininity that the patriarchy tries to control or suppress. Complete pseudoscience that gets eaten up by every liberal midwit on Reddit and Twitter. Radfems hate the book because it was clearly written by some dumb normie girl who took one political science class that had a lesson on feminist theory.

[Anonymous No.20857768]

>>20851264
A slow-burn horror novel (or a just a creepypasta) about a life-sized model human with uncanny features made of wood. The effigy is housed in a remote resort in the woods. It is cursed and puts the protagonist in sp00ky situations until they manage to escape or destroy it.

[Anonymous No.20857773]

>>20851899
Half of these sound like uninspired YA sci-fi or fantasy novel titles.

[Anonymous No.20857793]

>>20851838
I'm the anon who posted that title. Coincidentally, I myself am a virgin who has never had a girlfriend, and considered doing just as you described - pretending to have a girlfriend so any girl that I try to get into a relationship with wouldn't think I'm weird and inexperienced. Funny how life works out that way. What I had in mind when I posted the title was some very low-brow wish-fulfillment YA romance light novel that borders on meta-irony with just how tropey, cheesy, and shitty it is.

[Anonymous No.20857803]

>>20847342
Based
>>20847313
The lolita express
A young and virgin man gets into a train full of kunny and he immediatly becomes a toy for the girls during days and eventually they start to adore him as a king when he starts telling then stories and displays his skills as a speaker

[Anonymous No.20857879]

>>20851956
Damn, this has the bones of a great idea, anon. I'd cut the second half though, the part after where he returns to the gas station bathroom. Instead, he should return and see that the haiku/poem is no longer there. Eventually, almost as a sort of catharsis, he publishes the haiku himself. It is an immediate success, and he is lauded as a new talent. The only issue is that he is absolutely unable to replicate either the wit of the original. With the pressure mounting on him to produce more work, he begins to have a serious crisis, and is close to admitting his duplicity. Retreating into the only thing he truly loves - reading - he secludes himself in a house in the countryside, doing notjing but analysing old texts. Some years later, in an old translation of an ancient Irish text, he finds his haiku, along with its Irish origin. This leads him to a trail (similar to your story) of similar haikus through the centuries written by enigmatic poets who have been lost to history. In the end he returns to the bathroom and writes his own haiku on it, before disappearing completely

[Anonymous No.20858018]

>>20857879
did ancient Irish write haikus tho

[Anonymous No.20858039]

>>20858018
Yes, they carved them in Ogham script on megaliths.

[Anonymous No.20858379]

>>20858018
Haha good point actually. Could be any ancient culture or any poetic form I suppose

[Anonymous No.20858593]

>>20848410
>The Manifest of Gijs
Akin to a Rule of St. Benedict, this manual-quasi-bible instructs its readers on how to assemble a near perfect monastic order, going from the initial conversions to all-out abbey management and administration. The only goal told by the book is to "keep on ever gathering more and more faithful, spanning all around the globe", from whence it then claims that "[The] Will of Gijs will then manifest itself unto the minds of the abbots, so that the next event may take place".
Remarkably, some of the people who do come in contact with The Manifest of Gijs firsthand will undergo a manic episode of short, confounded preaching, that ceases when it fails to obtain adherers.