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/lit/ - Literature

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20751749 No.20751749 [Reply] [Original]

The Writing General

Eating Hot Dogs edition

You will make it if you persevere

Previous thread: >>20746073

For General Writing
>The Rhetoric of Fiction, Booth
>Writing Fiction: A Guide to Narrative Craft, Burroway
>Steering the Craft, Le Guin
>The Anatomy of Story, Truby
>How Fiction Works, Wood

YouTube Playlists for Writing
>https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTCv6n1whoI23GmdBZienRW0Q0nFCU_ay Robert Butler
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6HOdHEeosc [Embed]

Technical Aspects of Writing
>Garner's Modern English Usage, Garner
>What Editors Do: The Art, Craft, and Business of Book Editing, Ginna
>Artful Sentences: Syntax as Style, Tufte

Books Analyzing Literature
>Poetics, Aristotle
>Hero With a Thousand Faces, Campbell
>The Art Of Dramatic Writing: Its Basis in the Creative Interpretation of Human Motives, Egri
>The Weekend Novelist, Ray

Traditional Publishing
>you get to focus mostly on writing
>you must write a proposal to the publishers and sell your story to them
>you make 10-15% profit max, but they also eat all the risk and the costs

Self publishing
>basically like running your own company
>you only need to do some simple marketing and reach out to readers

Self Publishing Options

Self Publishing How-To
>risky, but much more profitable
>you must pay for everything yourself
>if you do, you will spend more time on running a business than writing, but can be worth it

>This Craft of Verse, Borges
>The Poetry Home Repair Manual, Kooser
>Western Wind: An Introduction to Poetry, Mason

Anime Writing (^・o・^)
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4on26mKakgs [Embed]

For advertising
>https://youtube.com/watch?v=bQygKqJVFXg [Embed]

AI-generated book covers

/wg/ Authors and Flash Fiction Pastebin

Other forums

>> No.20751754

Will there be actual writing and critique in this thread or will it just be gardner spam?

>> No.20751757
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>> No.20751763 [DELETED] 

Mentioning Gardner isn’t spam. Any /lit/ writer can be mentioned as long as it doesn’t result in just arguing.

>> No.20751769
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We shall now see.

>> No.20751772

Do not say his name, reference his work or reply to his paid posters.
>It isnt easy to cure cancer but it starts with you.

>> No.20751773

I'll even enable comments.

>> No.20751774
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Well, the fourth post is as good as any to start posting stuff.

Here's something from me. I explained it last thread, but I wanted to do a sex scene without narrating the actual sex

>> No.20751791

>mentioning /lit/ works isn’t allowed.

Not true. This is a thread to talk about writing. We’re free to post about books that came from here as long as we still discuss our own work.

>> No.20751796

>Red on red background
I ain't reading that shit.

>> No.20751800

Just add an implication then skip to post sex. Say the character is pregnant later in the story

>> No.20751805 [DELETED] 

I know. Call of the Crocodile came out two years ago. The idea of gardnerposting stopping isn’t realistic.

>> No.20751806

Yea that shit is annoying

>> No.20751819 [DELETED] 

It’s just the one guy spamming how much he hates F Gardner. Talking about CotC isn’t even any different than talking about any other writing from here. Which is the whole purpose of these generals.

>> No.20751841
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>this kills the Gardner

>> No.20751867

Reading "Call of the Crocodile" freed my writing style.

Fuck punctuation.

>> No.20751873

Please you people are fucking this thread up

>> No.20751878

I've given it a look

>> No.20751881


>> No.20751886
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how the FUCK do you write good songs

>> No.20751898


>> No.20751916
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Anon are you seriously that confused? Even after the first chapter? Did you not catch all the strange misspellings of idioms and expressions?

>> No.20751929

Look at the page after that one

>> No.20751930

Report, change IP, report, open phone, report, etc. Don't tell me you're using one static IP.

>> No.20751943

Unironically based. A lot of great novels don't follow grammar conventions, why should ours?

>> No.20751947 [DELETED] 
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>> No.20751958

Yea Cormac McCarthy does the same things as F Gardner. Tense shifts and the same stuff. The punctuation fixation is a meme. Ever since I realized this I’ve been able to focus more on my writing.

>> No.20751962

There has to be a reason for a report. Call of the Crocodile is just one of the many books produced by /wg./ So it’s on topic and allowed.

>> No.20751964

Moreflys = More Flies.
>One can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar

>I can't cut out 6 and 9.

>The cover of darkness assisted twelve shadowy members slither away"?
Read and rewrote it and spoke it out loud
>The cover of darkness assisted twelve shadowy members slithered away
Doesn't sound right to me
>The cover of darkness assisted twelve shadowy members slithering away
That also doesn't sound right to me. I'll play with it, but I think slither is correct. But I'm not sure, I'll keep it in consideration.

>> No.20751975

I realize that. F Gardner just happens to be the most famous of the /wg/ authors.

>> No.20751983

You're also reading about nonsense anon. Complete utter nonsense.
>Diamond Dozen
>Doggy Dog World.
>Reign of Cats and Dogs
That didn't give it away?

>> No.20751995

Okay I think I'm done with the editioning after getting tons of sexual innuendo.

>> No.20752078

I'm trying to create a villain that's more than one-dimensional but their primary motivation is one-dimensional.
The only thing they care about, they're reason for living is to kill the hero. They're so emotionally consumed for revenge there are no other plotlines for them.
If I wrote three books about them, they'd only be chasing the hero to kill them, that's it.
How do I make it more than that?

>> No.20752105

So, he wants to kill the white whale?

>> No.20752117
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Post it. I'm always heartened by progress posts although I rarely respond. Got a warm feeling in my heart from >>20750408

As for me I'm at about 48k right now, a little over halfway as I estimate it will be a little over 90k total. I think it's pretty solid overall too, need to add 1 scene and make moderate changes to 2 others.

I also used to outline and have had way better luck/quality since switching to more discovery focused. What helped me is just having a single sentence bullet point per chapter "outline" at the bottom of my document. I maintain a mindset that I'm completely not committed to those bullets though, they're just a set of logical guidestones the plot can aim towards. Usually I flesh out the upcoming 2 chapters in some decent detail after I finish a chapter as well, so I am still outlining somewhat but it's way more iterative/flexible.

>> No.20752126

Making the motivation good enough to make some people side with him.

>> No.20752132

The hero stole his pancakes.

>> No.20752154

An excellent analogy, yes, the villain is obsessed with killing the hero, leaving little room for their adventure to go anywhere else.
I want to take the reader through a 4 or 6 book adventure from the perspective of the villain to give them insight into the mystery of why.
Naw they're both girls and the hero wore the same bikini as her to the party. THE NERVE!

What I'm stuck in circles on though, is
Book 1 = chase chase chase fail to kill
Book 2 = chase chase chase fail to kill
okay this isn't going to work for 3 more books while slowly unraveling the killer's past as they talk to the reader

>> No.20752196

Then give her an ivory leg and a rage

>> No.20752213

You don't have to write so many books with the same setting and characters. Just write one or two. By the time you've finished the first you'll have a much better understanding of where the story will go, if anywhere. Start pumping out that first draft, you can only plan and outline so much.

>> No.20752234

I am trying to plot my stories better. So I structure my scenes into six acts (Goal, conflict, disaster, reaction, dilemma, and decision) but I want to further plot each 'act' within my scene down to how I am going to convey each character's action.

For example, how do I convey a character's goal in a scene? I can't get away with John saying, "I want to have lots of money." and then moving on to the next character, Anne, "I want to be famous."

How do I decide on what details to include?

>> No.20752239

if you go through the chase chase fail to kill story you could start with them trying things like poison, more subtle ways to kill.
and by the end they are just having a knock down drag out fight because anything but a direct attack has failed.

>> No.20752245

>4 to 6 books to explain something really simple
sounds dreadful. how about you focus on writing one good book that does that

>> No.20752254

Lay. Not laid.

>> No.20752277

I think some are missing the point of my question.
I'm asking how to make the one dimensional villain whose obsessed with killing the hero worthy of a book series.

The villain had a wife, a family, then this fucker STOLE HIS PANCAKES, and needs to die.

Or we could change the narrative and simply say it's a Hunter and a Deer, or a Wily Coyote and a Roadrunner. Across different stories, they strictly maintain the same obsession.

And that's my question, because I wouldn't read a novel series about Wily Coyote either, after the second book it'd be too samey.

>> No.20752278

6 books sounds like way too much for a single arc... Unless you're making comics where each adventure takes the whole book.
Just make one big book where the six attempts start and end along the villain's arc. Also, if the villain's goals are to simply stop the hero because she doesnt like how she looks, you cant make her the main character, we'll get bored quick

>> No.20752284

Sex scenes are trash in lit

>> No.20752291


>> No.20752333

McCarthy writes extremely well and that's the big difference. There is a difference between someone competent breaking the rules because they can and writes well and an idiot who doesn't know them and writes poorly.

>> No.20752338

Anons, I wish to write for my enjoyment and, possibly, yours
Should I post my ramblings here or is there some specific site for this bullshit

>> No.20752345
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This seems cool to me desu

>> No.20752351
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I’ll add whatever other books are missing.

>> No.20752359

The Shitkickers

>> No.20752362

Your question is retarded. You are asking how to make a 1 dimensional character - from the perspective of this 1 dimensional character, nonetheless - be worthy of an entire series of books. If you were dong this from the hero's perspective and had this loser show up every now and then to get whipped, that would be possible. Like a James Bond or Sherlock Holmes series - but it'd be better with a whole rogues gallery of losers coming to get beat.

>> No.20752363

>What helped me is just having a single sentence bullet point per chapter "outline" at the bottom of my document. I maintain a mindset that I'm completely not committed to those bullets though, they're just a set of logical guidestones the plot can aim towards. Usually I flesh out the upcoming 2 chapters in some decent detail after I finish a chapter as well, so I am still outlining somewhat but it's way more iterative/flexible.

Nice I like that. I will try to incorporate that into my process. coincidentally I've been keeping the next 2 chapters / scenes in mind every time I finish one, so I can feel like I have some fuel for the next writing session. Do you tend to write the whole thing in chronological order/ the order the chapters will eventually be in or skip around as you write?

>> No.20752366

Where’s that dude? I thought it wasn’t out yet

>> No.20752386

Just write about a different revenge plot each book. The killer thinks himself justified in getting his murderous revenge, but after the first book it's clear to the reader that he very easily holds a grudge. If you end up actually writing anything be sure to include an easter egg subplot where his pancakes get eaten.

>> No.20752400

It seems like /x/ shit mixed with 13yo fanfic

>> No.20752403

>because I wouldn't read a novel series about Wily Coyote either, after the second book it'd be too samey
That's because novels are long. You could pull it off in a series of short stories. What made Wily Coyote and the Roadrunner so successful wasn't the plot, the motivations, nor the characters. It was the actions, the events. You tune in, see The Roadrunner pull a few interesting sly moves and that's it. It isn't dragged it out despite the same thing being repeated each episode. Capture perfect visual imagery in your prose and you could do the same.

>> No.20752408

got a google drive link? pastebin is fine, basically anything that doesn't require me to make a new account to view it.

>> No.20752415

Sucks, unfortunately. Choppy, unnecessary words, you should read more, that tends to be more useful than endlessly bashing your head against the wall.

>> No.20752421

>Should I post my ramblings here
If you'd like anon, some will probably read them, a few might even get back to you. The usual way to post excerpts is via
>google drive link
If it's not too long you could thow it into a post itself, but I'm not a big fan of that.

>> No.20752436
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Still missing Zulu Alitspa

>> No.20752444

Constantly mentioning it is spamming. Shilling it is advertising. Both are reportable.

>> No.20752448

SOCIOPATH by L.A. Labuschagne (though I don't know why (s)he hasn't told you themself by now)

tl;dr of the story is sociopathic magical girl fucks her friends and murders their friends

>> No.20752464

If it's small, you could do>>20751774
If it's big, you could do >>20751769
If you're showing this to people other than us, you could look into other websites

>> No.20752469
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1.7k words, tell me what you think?

>> No.20752474
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It's out, and so is he.

>> No.20752476

Add mine as well


>> No.20752485

I'll give you my thoughts in a moment, fren

>> No.20752489

>17 pages of erotica
C'mon write more.

>> No.20752513

I don't care if I make it anymore. Just want to write interesting shit and make new friends in the process

>> No.20752524


>> No.20752529

I just realized I've got some smut I could post. It'd take some editing...

>> No.20752599


>> No.20752620
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>> No.20752622

Line 1:
"Like the one-way flaps that keep blood flowing in your heart" It's a good metaphore, but it'd be best to use the term for the actual organ. Also, with the foresight of knowing Peter's interests, could he be more interested in the mothers, rather than the grandmother?
Line 4:
It's at this point that I notice you might be a fellow sinner, a culprit of the sin of being a playwright. Do I, the reader, need to know the specific details of the scene around the characters, or would my energy be best spent undressing the lagy behind the counter with my mind?
Line 6:
Minor point, but maybe, when you speak of the plane-hopping lifestyle, swap "city" for something more nomadic. My mind leans toward a "yurts that were assembled and disassembled in the sky"
Line 12:
Peter has been characterized as a pervert up to now. Maybe he feels guilty about it, but I think he'd be more itnerested in the cripple girl than the chinese man. His singing could be the backdrop to his daydreams of what's under the clothes
Line 22:
Regardless of what Noxovan does, he'd prolly OD here. If drug addiction is part of him, the thought of Noxovan could cross his mind as he runs, By line 37 I see it's a cheap stimulant like Jet, but even that is drunk with limits. As you took the effort to describe Noxovan's effects on Peter the last time, I'd like to know how its effects felt the previous 5 or so times, or what made this last time special

Good job fren, you kept my interest all through the reading

>> No.20752628

Perfect. Thank you

>> No.20752635

I have


>> No.20752641
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Hello, /trash/ ignores me because maybe I'm a shit writer for ERP.
How do I become a good writer? /ntr/ just won't reply to me man, fuck them.

>> No.20752656
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A long, long time ago, humankind had a great connection to both people and beasts from far away lands never seen before.

As time passed, so did their connection. Soon enough, the knowledge of their existence became myth; their great stories, legends and folklore.

The lines of destiny still held them together, though not as strongly as it once did. It was only at the turn of the 16th century that everything changed.

The Iberians sent for an expedition to the west, but when they crossed the sea, they did not find a route to Asia nor a new continent, but a passage to a forgotten world.

When they returned, no man in the continent believed the sailors’ stories. It was only five years later, when an adventurer sent by the Spanish crown returned with riches never seen before that every ruler with a fishing boat to spare began a run for.

Nothing was found though. The adventurer himself could not find the land he so easily found in the past. After years of money and lives wasted, the people turned against him, calling him a liar, a friend of the devil. On the New Year's eve of 1505, he was killed and thrown into the sea by an angry mob.

A full moon after his death, strange ships came to the same waters his blood was shed. That day was known forever more as the day of regret.

It took almost 50 years after that for the “humankind” (now known as tallmen) to fully understand the passage, when and how it worked. During the same time, the greatest scholars of all lands came together in a pact to break the seal and unite both worlds. They succeeded.

Continents were open in half, Islands emerged from the sea; that day, kingdoms died and empires were born. People that never knew that each other lived on the same land came as one, as if the line of destiny sewed them together.

That didn’t mean peace though. People that once ruled lands for thousands of years were now persecuted, Isolated nations became the world's greatest economies. It took more than a hundred years for stability to come, if it could be even called that.

Now, only destiny itself could see where this new world is going, for even the finest linen is fated to decay…

(end of prologue)

>> No.20752671

A short attempt to write focusing on setting

He woke up and took a brief look towards the kitchen just before going to play outside. Like often happened, mom and dad were minding their own business and had not made anything for breakfast, and likely, they didn't plan to make anything for lunch either. He grabbed some cookies from the cookie jar and ate them on the way out. Outside the soft warm wind welcomed him into streets, that were his home as much as the dark world behind closed doors. It was more than anything the summer smells that always made all of his defenses go down, the smell from the roses and the orchids and the lilacs, arising all in musical conjunction from sills and flowery pots by the zillions. Outside he ran to his friends who, already and since early in the morning, were playing soccer on the street, the ball irregularly bouncing upon the broken cobblestones. The soccer game on the street, only rarely interrupted by a passing car, could sometime last for hours, with nobody even keeping track of the winning or the losing team. As he ran the houses presented themselves along the street in a colorful sequence of faded colors, with the occasional brick house interrupting the series to a display of golden window grills and carved mahogany front doors reflecting the sun back to the street.
Some people, those who did not live in the solid brick houses, could be seen sitting outside either alone or in family, like a picnic at their own entrance on the stony and often broken sidewalk. Those could be seen sitting outside followed the ball bounce back and forth, all through the day, with no more duties or worries than they who played outside from dawn to dusk.
In the same street coexisted people of widely different beliefs, not caring much about what their neighbor thought or did. All of these followed the same patterns and ritual week by week, and he was so used to it that all of it seem to be in the perfect order of nature. While he ran following the ball he saw Ms. Gray, who always could be seen on Sunday mornings walking with her family and friends to Mass; next to her was Mr. Crawford, and on Monday's nights a group of strangers came to visit him from somewhere, and music and incantations could be heard since midnight until morning; now the ball flew, by reason of a poorly executed kick, right towards Ms. Blake and her three-year-old grandson, and she was in fact who regularly complained to everyone (this is, everyone except Mr. Crawford) about decapitated chickens and other animals that appeared on the street every Tuesday morning.
Only in the deep of the night people returned to their homes, and the smells of the stews and the casseroles replaced the smells of the orchids and lilacs, and the sounds all around receded into quiet murmurs, only interrupted now and then by the occasional domestic argument, the occasional magical incantation, or by the teenager who, in a fit of anger, slammed a door and broke a window pane or two.

>> No.20752674

Thank you my guy, much appreciated

>> No.20752675
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So it is basically a darkish fairy tale with modern weapons, main character is a the son of a rich family trying to become a nobleman trough military service in a war against elves. I will continue regardless but would like to hear opinions

>> No.20752677

I think its good, a couple typos but along with what the other anon said I think its solid, minor edits, not major rewrites.

>> No.20752680

That shouldn't be a prologue; that should be a summary of a larger work.
I'd vastly prefer to see all that unfold slowly and with great detail.

>> No.20752681

ERPing is certainly not the way
>t. erp's

>> No.20752683

Are any of you writing non fiction?
Surely I can’t be the only one

>> No.20752684

As a start to get me interested in this story it works, but I think a good first chapter or few chapters even would be about the original sailor.
Then you could jump ahead to the current MC.

>> No.20752687

Fuck off Gardner.

>> No.20752692

The guy across the train was looking at me. Actual eye contact. I brought that on myself, really. Of the sixty people crammed together in a flying tin can, I was the only one awake. I was the only one not sitting there waiting for a machine to tell me it was time to get off. I wasn’t interested in the digital dominatrix shtick the rest of the city was hooked on, but it was too damn bad that didn’t give me one single iota more of freedom.

So this guy across from me stared at me, didn’t ask what I was doing. Good thing too, because I wouldn’t have been able to tell him. I didn’t know myself. But he might have asked if there was something wrong with my eyes, if I needed a hospital. Y’see, I’m a little bit like a stroke victim. Happened when the doctors ripped out one neural implant and stuck in the second. They clipped a nerve here and there, maybe did more. Point is, one pupil is always as wide open as a whore’s legs. So yes, there is something wrong with my eye. There’s just nothing I can do about it. Not all the money in the world can fix it, not yet.

>> No.20752704

Big shoutout to whoever keeps bringing me up. A /lit/ mention is worth more to me than a sale will ever be.

To contribute, if anyone else plans on going the KDP route, I have a checklist of formatting fuck-ups which you should avoid:
>omitting a title page and table of contents
>putting your page numbers on the same corner of every page so that half of them wind up in the gutter
>not thinking trim size through a bit more
>accidentally choosing standard white instead of cream

Trim size and paper type are super critical the first time because once a paperback is published to KDP you can't change either of these options and it will apparently never be unlisted from Amazon. If you have questions about the specifics of the process feel free to ask.

>> No.20752714

Just writing something short to think of before working, how's this?
>Once upon a time, a young maiden awoke to the sound of never-ending rain cascading from a castle's roof
The idea I had was starting with a mysterious protagonist who wakes up at the inside entrance of a castle. She doesn't know who she is yet the castle is oddly familiar to her, but it's been fucking ages since I wrote anything.

>> No.20752717
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miniMAG issue04

[email protected]


describe this new world more and describe its effect on the economies of Europe (which is pretty similar to what discovering America did anyways) less

it's warm and cozy (except for the decapitated animals bit at the end)

are you fleshing out the story from here?

>> No.20752722

A: Why cant I see Issue 1?
B: I see you took my advice from last thread :)
C: Amogus on page 9

>> No.20752724
File: 192 KB, 1275x2400, miniMAG Issue04_page-0011.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

make us horny for your ak47 elves

try making the prologue a fight between some elves and soldiers

>> No.20752726

is the castle empty or not? once upon a time as a start isn't something I would do because I feel it just doesn't fit me.
if its an abandoned castle I would start with.
>In a silent castle overlooking a ruin that was once a village, a young maiden wakes to the sound of rain pitter pattering from the roof.
cascading vs pitter patter is a change I would make depending on what kind of story it is. more light hearted, pitter patter, more serious, cascading.
But I think that line sounds just fine as it is, I don't think it needs to be edited.

>> No.20752728

For me chronological order works best since big details shift a lot but I have sketched out a few scenes in very loose detail so I don't forget really cool ideas I like.

Shaelinwrites on YouTube has a couple good videos on discovery writing. I found them after I switched but it's interesting how consistent the conclusions to what you seem to do and I also did on my own.

>> No.20752743

it was solid advice, thank you man

still playing around with how the poem pages look but I'm pretty happy with the prose

Probably going to make a separate archive page for past issues and just display the three most recent on the front of the site

or is it a starbucks cup?

>> No.20752747

The castle is filled with phantoms but the maiden is not supposed to know this yet, they appear and vanish as she wanders to the rooftop because the castle starts getting flooded soon after she wakes up.
>once upon a time as a start isn't something I would do because I feel it just doesn't fit me.
Yeah, I was having a hell of a bad time trying to think of a way to open the story (Been sick and all on top of this), and in the end I decided having that while working on other descriptors is probably better than having nothing.
>cascading vs pitter patter is a change I would make depending on what kind of story it is. more light hearted, pitter patter, more serious, cascading.
That's what I thought too. 'Cascading' makes one think of a downpour and that's the intent here. Spoilers: the maiden is the soul of the castle based on what her people and the little prince of the castle have called her through the years, and she's the last survivor of the cataclysm that destroyed the kingdom, the castle sinks into the mud and breaks apart as soon as she reaches the rooftop and remembers the truth, so it's important for me that the sound of water itself foreshadows the end.

>> No.20752755

I tried to compose myself, praying she wouldn't notice how uncomfortable I was. And God she was beautiful with her pale skin and jet black hair, cute little tattoos deliberately spaced out between her wrists and shoulders, with a thin black choker resting above her cleavage. Suddenly a bloody mist sprays through the air and she crumples to the dusty tiled floor, her consciousness gradually retreating to blackness as the life leaks from her temple and pools, staining her black tank top.

Oh God. Oh God! What… what did I do? How? I was just standing here, feeling normal, before feeling strange inside, a familiar urge slowly growing, refusing to be ignored or brushed aside, completely taking hold of me, consuming me, whatever me even means, and that thing within me yanked the bottle off the counter and whipped it around, smashing it upside her head with a sickening thump, bits of glass exploding and ricocheting.

“That’ll be $3.00,” I smile sheepishly, the corners of my mouth twitching, my heart pounding. I can’t go on like this. No one can. Why am I like this?

>> No.20752760

maybe you could also mention that the gutters were barely holding or there was small streams forming, just things to help paint the scene of heavy rain.
or just use the term torrential downpour, but thats kinda boring to me, I like trying to write in a way that lets the reader understand what I am trying to tell them.

>> No.20752768

Yeah, I agree with you that torrential downpour itself would be boring. The idea I had in mind was for the slow flooding of the castle to be somewhat contradictory to the damage the castle seems to be taking from the downpour to hint at the truth, because the water drowning the castle is supposed to be reflective of the castle's memories. On that note, does anyone know a place where I could read up more on the structures of a castle?

>> No.20752815
File: 222 KB, 900x900, pseud.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>I like trying to write in a way that lets the reader understand what I am trying to tell them

>> No.20752824

Poorly phrased, I'm writing on the side.
I meant more along the lines of giving them the words to try and paint a mental image for them without going hyper detailed and bogging down the story.
I can assure you I am not a pseud, I know I'm retarded.

>> No.20752848

Yep. F Gardner’s books are like novel length creepypastas.

>> No.20752852

Woah creepypastas are shit but they're not that bad Gardner.

>> No.20752853

Random question here, but do you have a particular favorite fairy tale?

>> No.20752857

Only because of proximity to having read it, Sir Gawain and the Green Knight

>> No.20752869

Are these /lit/ authors?

>> No.20752872

Good question. Maybe The Fisherman's wife, or St. George and the dragon

>> No.20752878

Allegedly. They're at least authors who show up here to say so.

>> No.20752886

Nice, I've never read that one but it'd be a nice thing to look into to study fairy tales around the world. My personal favorites are The Shadow and The Happy Prince, both of which are major inspirations for my story in some way.

The Fisherman's Wife is such a cautionary tale, and one we should learn from!

>> No.20752888
File: 3.65 MB, 3461x2475, Dylan Devine.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Long-time lurker who just started posting, I'd like to share my current WIP and start reading some of the stuff posted in this thread.

I'm aspiring for this story to be what I affectionately refer to as "Literary Fantasy," if such a thing exists. The first two chapters can be found here: https://www.dylandevinewriter.com/book-preview

The cover is slightly misleading, as it makes the book look more like YA when it reads like a hyper-realistic historical novel, even though it's set in a fictional world. The setting is largely based off of late-medieval Norway and ancient Welsh folklore.

I understand well that I'm not entitled to free feedback just because I post something of mine, so I genuinely thank anybody who reads even a line of it for taking the time to do so.

All thoughts and criticism are welcome, don't be afraid to rip it apart.

In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy my stay and start critiquing some of the other writing samples here, since everyone is always posting about how no one ever replies to their writing posts.

Also, I heard that Eggplant is actually a good read. Is that just a meme like Call of the Crocodile, or is Eggplant genuinely worth reading?

>> No.20752892

Now that you mention the Happy prince, I am also reminded about The Tin soldier and the Giving giant. The latter always felt like a more local story, considering its clear christian undertones, but both are sweet stories about softening up to the nice things in life and giving back

>> No.20752893

Seconding Green Knight. Absolutely lovely poem.

>> No.20752896
File: 394 KB, 684x1321, CC73C638-886A-46BF-89AC-14016E4627C5.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Here’s the updated one. If anyone else has any other books for me to add let me know. All are welcome.

>> No.20752900

Remove all the ones on the bottom two rows, Gardner and Eggplant. Those are all shills and don’t belong.

>> No.20752902

I don't know the name but many times as a child I read a story, I believe it was about a girl who was treated poorly by her mother or grandmother, and then a tree gives her magical items like a picnic blanket that when its fluffed and settles it is full of her favorite food. I think the evil mother or caretaker ends up stealing these items but they don't work for her so the girl gets them back.
I only vaguely remember the original story but I just watched the movie called "The Green Knight" a few days ago, visual interesting at times but I didn't care for it.

>> No.20752904

Oh, hello, it's you again.
Last time I saw you, I pointed out your use of names. Now that I read your post again, I'd advice you to explain me why you picked the character's names - It'd be nice for them to be somehow linked to Norwegian and Welsh folklore

>> No.20752905

Fuck off Gardner.

>> No.20752909

I read the one you're thinking about, but the version told in east asia. The little girl finds this source of magic that gifts her nice things due to her kindness, and the evil stepmother steals the items for herself. Eventually, the source of magic gifts the little girl that curses the user, so when the mother steals it she's punished

>> No.20752912

Yeah, The Selfish Giant is a great story too though Andersen is by far my favorite fairy tale writer.

Is there a version you recommend reading?

Funny that you should mention that because there's a lot of variants of this story, possibly including versions where the family tries to replicate what the girl does but fails for lack of virtue. I'm also interested in tracking down similar tales across cultures.

>> No.20752916

I think a lot of them are. I remember Son of the Son had banner ads. That can be taken out too. Same with Faceless and Emily Project. We don’t need advertisements here.

>> No.20752918
File: 12 KB, 258x196, ElaineOfAstolat.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Rosemary Sutcliff's portrayal of those Welsh Arthurian legends are incredible. They're short books but they read excellently. The tale of Lancelot and Elaine the Lily was also fantastic.

I'm the one who posted >>20752888 just now and I literally named the MC "Enid" after the Arthurian legend of Geraint and Enid. The story where Arthur has to solve the Green Knight's riddle was also extremely memorable.

>> No.20752920

Some of these I’ve never heard of and they’re just by people shilling their books to get on the list.

>> No.20752928

I’m the guy who made the previous list. Call of the Crocodile can stay but it doesn’t need all the other F Gardner books. Yeah, the last two rows can be taken off if that’s what people want. I didn’t know they were shilling.
Ok. I can change it.

>> No.20752933

Not all of the names are, but a lot of worldbuilding is. For most of the names I wanted ones that weren't super common today, but not crazy fantasy names like X'erzcher'alv'el or some shit.

Some of the names definitely are, though.

Enid's name is from the Welsh legend of Enid and Geraint, Olav is named after Saint Olav of Norway, and Sienna is just a re-spelling of "Siena" since I prefer it that way. Margaret was relatively common across multiple European countries pre-1400s so I can't attribute it to any specific one.

Some names I just liked, like "Petur" instead of "Peter." Gives it a somewhat Biblical feel, I think. I'm not going to bully you into reading any further than you did, but I do remember what you said about the realism of Olav's flippant attitude.

I think you might be on to something there, although later in the chapter we see all the other friars being strict as hell, the intention of which was to highlight that Olav's irreverent softness for the children was the exception and not the rule, although I might have risked botching first-impressions with that.

Thanks for the feedback! Are you working on anything?

>> No.20752935

3rd anon you replied to here.
you wouldn't happen to know the name of the story I mentioned? its been bugging me since the question was asked and my memories of reading it came to me.

>> No.20752937

Get lost Gardner.

>> No.20752945

Reread my post. I just explained that Gardner’s books should be removed. One book per author.

>> No.20752948

No, fuck off Gardner.

>> No.20752951

I'll tell you if I find out.

>> No.20752953
File: 2.48 MB, 1560x1080, faithpill.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>mfw everyone is so busy bickering that no one talks about literature and I need to get off the Internet and go outside

>> No.20752954

No remove ALL of Gardner’s books, Eggplant and Seeds of Doubt.

>> No.20752958

Actually remove the bottom row. Those are most definitely shilled.

>> No.20752962

Sorry anon. If Gardner fucks off then you won't have to.

>> No.20752963

This. And whatever Faceless is.

>> No.20752965

>>The Rhetoric of Fiction, Booth
>>Writing Fiction: A Guide to Narrative Craft, Burroway
>>Steering the Craft, Le Guin
>>The Anatomy of Story, Truby
>>How Fiction Works, Wood
Should one really buy this?

>> No.20752969

Also Emily Project.

>> No.20752970

Why all the gate keeping?

>> No.20752972

Honestly if you genuinely like reading and writing and you do both of them a lot and have some sort of aptitude/ natural ability for it then you probs shouldn't have to read a book on how to write

>> No.20752973

Are you saying the guy demanding Gardner’s books be removed is Gardner?

>> No.20752975

Fuck off Frank.

Anybody supporting Gardner in any way is Gardner. Prove me wrong.

>> No.20752986

I said I want Gardner’s books taken down, you fucking retard.

>> No.20752988

Yes! I've been chewing myself in the conceptualizing part, and I'd rather practice writing smaller stories before I tackle it, but my big proyect is about this guy who lives in a shitty, shitty world, and because everyone is too busy surviving to worry about tomorrow, he has to figure out what his reason to live is. He also has to decide where he anchors his morals, because half of the world is trying to rebuild society while the other half is happy being lovers of excess and chaos. Both of these conflicts are given shape by the kid he adopts one day, and her maturing as she grows older

>> No.20752990

>past year
>only person that posted their work every so often and had us criticize it was Emily anon
>now all these people coming in screaming they also wrote their books
>Never seen a single post about it or a single excerpt of their work

You fucking redditors.

>> No.20752994

Then do it yourself. Make sure you take off the other fake shills too. I’ve seen some of the other books spammed here in the past and some even had banner ads like Faggot Gardner.

>> No.20752998

Emily anon is in the same league as Gardner. Only here to promote and ruin the generals. These threads used to be about writing. Not self promotion. Once you finish your book you’re not allowed to talk about it here otherwise that’s shilling.

>> No.20753006

Except the worst one. That's not proof Gardner.

>> No.20753007

Why would I ever wanna include my books here
My writing isn't without flaws but it's a fuckton better than the unedited and redundant shit Gardner shills out but I wouldn't want this level of drama and disdain
I guess 4chan ads are a bad idea too

>> No.20753016

This is genuinely inspiring

>> No.20753017

Sounds like it's themed around hedonism, then. It's a good concept, if you're still in the early stages, I'd recommend reading about the early industrial revolution and the development of ancient agriculture.

Before agriculture, everyone fed themselves, but once it was discovered that one farmer could generate enough crop for more than just his own home, that freed people up from having to constantly focus on survival, and for the first time, the concept of "free time" existed, where people now had to decide what to do with the time not spent laboring.

There's a lot of sociological literature on the correlation and causation of hedonism in a society with more free time than ever, and I think you've got a good idea exploring that correlation.

I have an idea for a similar story I'd like to write one day called "The Beautiful Ones" which will explore the findings of the Rat Utopia experiment.

>> No.20753019

That's nonsense. Picture it in your head:
>Hey guys, I decided to start writing this book
>Hey guys, thanks for the encouragement, I'll take your advice
>Hey guys, my book is coming along, what do you think?
>Hey guys, I finished writing my book, I'll publish it soon!
>>book is published
>I-I dont know any of you

>> No.20753022

Then in that case remove them all

>> No.20753025

It’s not nonsense. That’s how you end up with shills like Faggot Gardner.

>> No.20753026

Eggplant was genuinely good but it’s very modern and emotionally driven, not really an action packed adventure or particularly edgy, but overall cery fun

>> No.20753032

Shut up Gardner.

>> No.20753034

Then that's a Gardner problem. More of a you problem since this arguments most commonly start because you can't get the guy out of your mouth. Plenty of writers come and go in this threads, but I only care about a selection of them. Why does your selection of writers make you upset rather than interested in their work?

>> No.20753041

Shut up Gardner.

>> No.20753045

Wait when has Emily Project been shilled on here? He's shilling his Chinaman book way more.

>> No.20753048
File: 141 KB, 500x559, plsbepatientihaveautism.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Wait, you guys are making friends?

>> No.20753051

Relax it's just Gardner trying to take the heat off of himself.

>> No.20753057

That's a good way to put it. Hedonism's also a particularly good word, because in this flawed world my main character will more often deal with prostitutes and bootleggers than honest townsfolk or religious types. Moreover, in the second part of the story I want the now-adult main character's sidekick to develop feelings for him, which forces him to decide whether or not he's a sick fuck for reciprocating this person's feelings.

I haven't decided, myself. Because of this, I don't plan to answer the question in the story, and leave it open as a question instead of a statement for either side. I'm currently most occupied making the roadmap for my story, and figuring out what my characters experience to change their worldviews as they age

>> No.20753059

He may not have felt the same way, but I was amicable to Kaijuanon, and I hope he had fun writing his stuff :)
In general, though, having one guy you like enough to trust feels like a better sample than the whole thread

>> No.20753076

If you allow me to brag, too, I also was there when Emilyfag was finishing his book, and gave him tips for making the cover along with other anons in the thread :^)

>> No.20753079

I'm sad he gave up

>> No.20753081

I wasn't there for that, but it happens.

>> No.20753083

seriously Gardner take the hint

>> No.20753090

How about you
take my balls
in your mouth

>> No.20753100

If you had any balls Frank you'd put on a trip and never post without it

>> No.20753103


>> No.20753105

>TFW you finally found the perfect piece to listen to while writing your story
I agonized so long over a single fucking prompt but you know what, I finally like the idea enough to keep at it.

>> No.20753107

The prose is choppy and there's some typos, but I like what you're doing here. It's hard to respond to the quality of the "plot" or story because it's only a short passage, but from what I can tell you've grasped your world-building really well.

Here are some examples of the choppy sentences I was talking about; some work against your narration, but some actually enhance it.

>The matriarch wears a hijab.
>She is the only one wearing her hijab.

While it's important not to make sentences super long, there's a lot of choppy short sentences in this passage like these that would work better combined. Try:

>"The matriarch dons her hijab, the only person in sight wearing one." Or something along those lines.

But there are some instances where the choppy sentences actually work in your favor when it comes to creating a "punchy" prose.

Such as:

>"He patted his jacket. His pockets remained full. He popped another Noxovan."

That little sequence was great.

Your dialogue in the second to last scene was also good. It conveys the dystopian setting quite well. I think your world-building and dialogue are solid, you just need a little practice with your sentence structure.

Keep writing!

>> No.20753110

That’s a no.

>> No.20753111

I like dungeon synth in general for this. What did you find?

>> No.20753116

Just like you never go outside without a chastity cage on?
I'd like you
to put on a clown nose
and keep chimping out at someone who won't feed you (you)s anymore


>> No.20753118
File: 1.68 MB, 750x1334, 6223B806-ED0D-4B27-919F-A431CA3BA99E.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

It’s to remove the shills.
I’ve removed all of Gardner’s books.

Hope this pleases everyone.

>> No.20753121

Cry harder Gardner. You'll never be welcome here.

>> No.20753123
File: 175 KB, 734x761, 74E8CAD2-D3C3-4D24-BAC6-AFAEC783109C.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Better without the annoying black bars. Thanks to everyone for identifying the illegitimate books.

>> No.20753124

I'm the anon who wants to write about a flooded castle sinking into the mud, the idea I eventually went with was characterizing the castle's death through the journey of a mysterious maiden who wakes up at the entrance and joins the departed at the end when the water's completely flooded the castle, signifying her remembering everything.

>> No.20753126

You should listen to >>20752680. I know "show, don't tell" gets spammed a lot with no explanation, but this prologue is all "telling." There isn't a single thing happening, just the narrator telling the audience the lore of the world like they're reading from a Wikipedia page. It will take a lot of work, but you really should make the prologue a sequence of events that unfolds before the reader rather than this.

I actually rewrote my small prologue into two 6k words chapter (12k total) once I realized this myself.

While this video essay was talking about film, you could learn a lot about prologues and how to start a story from this: https://youtu.be/OoI8REpI8h8

Keep writing fren, you can do it.

>> No.20753134

Go to bed Gardner

>> No.20753136

That's some nice art. I envy the orientals in general, and their skill to make their language a capable element in graphic design in a way Latin and Cyrilic struggle with

>> No.20753141

Ok this is an acceptable list.

>> No.20753144

Good job. Now to remove them from the Author's pastebin.

>> No.20753148

I need help with Microsoft Word.
I was writing a script but then i put something in the URL bar.
It told me that it didn't recognize the URL and now the page isn't showing my script.
Where is it?

>> No.20753150

Holy fuck this level of cope is unreal— so if, god forbid, someone actually enjoys your work, you get removed from the list for being a “shill”
Good job /wg/ you’ve fucked yourself again

>> No.20753151

>I need help with Microsoft Word.
Download Apache Open Office.

>> No.20753155

Open Office > Word

However, Scrivener is the best. But Open Office is free if you're a broke boy. I used it for ages without issue.

>> No.20753156

If you have Narcissistic Personality Disorder and make it everyone else's problem you're off the list. Simple as. Cope as you need.

>> No.20753161

Shut up Gardner.

>> No.20753164

Wasting time,
Dull Poetry Lines,
Wasted Lines,
Resulting in More Boring Poetry Lines,
Sometimes it Reads like a diary entry
Then the beer case turns up empty.

I find myself surprised,
When I only Have
Cigarettes Left
6 Unanswered messages
From the girl I previously left.

So I guess,
When there’s nothing left,
You make another boring poem,
And now there’s only 5
Cigarettes left.

Not sure where else to post this but just looking for feedback

>> No.20753165

How does that apply to anyone but Gardner?
Honestly don’t even give a fuck, it’s yourself you’re hurting. As soon as you release your project you’ve been busting your ass on you’re going to be spat on immediately under the principle you promote. Have fun shooting yourself in the foot.

>> No.20753167
File: 35 KB, 1920x884, thtred.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Thanks but what i need help with is that while working on my script i put a sentence in the search bar in hopes that i can use it to drag it into the script but when i tried doing that it told me that it doesn't recognize what i put in there and now all i see on the page is pic related.
Be honest, is my script gone?

>> No.20753168

Take Faceless and Sociopath down. Those were the authors shilling to get their books on our list.

>> No.20753169

>Honestly don’t even give a fuck
So why are you autistically screeching?

>> No.20753170

>everyone is Gardner now
cool looks like Gardner finally destroyed /wg/

>> No.20753171

Before reading and critizicing, could I get some context on this? What am I reading, and what did you intend to write?

>> No.20753175

It applies to Gardner and the rest of the pathetic shills you dumb fuck.

>> No.20753176

I consider educating retards an act of charity. You’re welcome.

>> No.20753177

Ok Gardner.

>> No.20753179

Again, if a single positive post about your work makes you a shill then there’s literally no hope for this place. We can’t even enjoy each other’s writing? What is even the ffucking point of this shithole if everyone is just policing each other and stopping them from being read?

>> No.20753180

I don't think it is. Your Word files should be on your hard drive, and if you have a Microsoft account, they probably automatically sync with the cloud. Find where your documents are stored and the script will probably be there, or at least the last saved version. You likely only lost a little bit of progress if you can find the last save of it.

>> No.20753186

I doubt he even has any idea what’s going on here.

>inb4 shut up gardner

>> No.20753187

OneDrive, that's the word I was looking for. Check your OneDrive to see if they were synched with your script.

>> No.20753188

Didn't Gardner die in a motorcycle crash in like the 80s?

>> No.20753189

I don't use MS Word. All I can suggest is try to "Save As", close out and reopen it.

>> No.20753191

So does it auto save? And if it does where should i look?

>> No.20753193

Gardner you are NOT fooling anyone. You are incapable of fooling even a child. Sad!

>> No.20753195

You must be real new if you can’t tell a Gardner post from a sincere post, half of the words I’m using aren’t even in the man’s vocabulary and I haven’t mentioned some shitty anime, flat Earth or “the twist”
At least do your job right

>> No.20753198

OK, thanks.

>> No.20753199

No that would be based and so completely antithetical.

>> No.20753205

Can’t fool you, you are beating me to the chase you dumb crab-in-a-bucket fuck.

>> No.20753207

Wait, did you write the entire script in one sitting without saving once? Nevermind bro, you're probably fucked. Always quicksave every 10 minutes. You can still check OneDrive in your file manager to see if it was auto-saving, but you might be shit out of luck.

>> No.20753208

I just checked it out.
Thank God it's all saved. I was so worried.
Gotta take a break.

>> No.20753212

I can though. That's why you won't stop seething.

>> No.20753216

See >>20753208
I am so grateful that it wasn't deleted.

>> No.20753217

/wg/ died this summer. It was pretty good the past two years. This year? I have no idea why so many people came on /lit/ to shill their books? this general took a week before we got a new one, but now? We're getting three threads a day.

>> No.20753219

Is there a logic to this post, or are YOU Gardner and you’re just fucking with me?

>> No.20753223
File: 140 KB, 842x1191, praisethesun.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]


>> No.20753224

People with NPD are easy to read. They literally can't help themselves. Gardner stands out like a sore thumb, he just can't see it because he has NPD.

>> No.20753226

>why so many people came to shill their books
Did they? Or are people here writing books because this is a writing general?
Don’t know when the line got blurred between the blatant tone-deaf (what I thought was) obvious Gardner shilling and the people earnestly sharing their projects, but I guess it was bound to happen eventually. Nothing nice can last in this place.

>> No.20753228
File: 174 KB, 1385x739, AE967434-A9B1-4CA0-BE0E-1508FA29B06E.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>this thread right now

So many good times thanks to the meme man.

>> No.20753233

Take a hike Gardner. You could use the exercise.

>> No.20753240

Now THAT is an obvious Gardner post

>> No.20753241

That was an amazing thread

>> No.20753244

It certainly felt that way to me. I remember most people wrote about their progress and showed a few excerpts to get shat on.

But we gotten completed projects without any progressive updates the past month or so. Bunch of books just appeared out of nowhere.

>> No.20753246

A random snippet from my novella. Is the writing cringeworthy enough?


>> No.20753247
File: 46 KB, 680x452, violenceisnecessary.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

How it feels being in this thread right now with a sussy baka Gardner in our midst https://youtu.be/61NNvNnbQ8U

>> No.20753251

Yes, it was so cringe that I cringed.

>> No.20753253

Shit, that's what I would do.
Why would anyone want to be associated with you faggots?
I'll make an exception with my emotionally gripping sports drama. I'm writing that for /lit/, it's like my love letter to you faggots.

>> No.20753255
File: 390 KB, 400x547, C6082BB1-F583-43D1-B4D4-47F8243B8A41.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

You rang?

>> No.20753256
File: 151 KB, 612x792, penis.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

A double whammy.
This is a fresh idea, a haunted house adventure should serve as some small writing practice, right?
Secondly, it serves as practice to graphically design.

I'll tell you in a jiffy

>> No.20753259


>> No.20753266

Didn't get very far, but far enough I should have some idea wtf is going on other than some faggot bitching about how miserable he is.
The first page of a story should not be vague, give your reader something solid to sink their teeth into.

>> No.20753271

Pretty schizo. Is that what you wanted?

>> No.20753274
File: 31 KB, 313x499, this is why i CRINGE.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Yeah it's pretty cringy but Onision still has you beat by a long shot

>> No.20753276


>> No.20753277

Tbh I don’t really give a fuck if people aren’t posting updates or if they just show up here with something published; this isn’t a secret club, and I’m probably not going to read their work anyway unless it sounds genuinely interesting.
All this talk of “shilling” is such retarded shit because even if everyone bought some self pub book right now that person would make like 20 bucks? We’ve all fallen for Gardners actual psychosis and we think somehow there’s some fortune to made when we should just be talking about writing, but I guess that’s too hard.

>> No.20753282

Shut the fuck up Gardner.

>> No.20753283

This is from the third (and last) chapter. I was asking about the writing.

>> No.20753284

Wrong general fag.

>> No.20753286

You start in present tense and then switch to past a paragraph in.

I'd recommend ironing out the sequence. Like he sips a tea and then remembers buying the tea five minutes ago. Those sorts of microjumps can give a stuttering feeling to it.

Also there's an explanation of the air vagrants right away, and then we see them a short time later. It would be better to have the character interact with the vagrants first and then give an explanation about how they get stuck there. Or don't explain it, just mention it in passing as if it were common knowledge to the reader.

>> No.20753287

You are too fucking retarded not to be Gardner at this point. Go shove your daddy’s money up your unemployed ass you ugly piece of rat shit. Thirty year olds need real jobs.

>> No.20753291

Your not fooling anyone.

>> No.20753296

>Gardner making fun of himself now.

Don’t you have any better way to spend your time Frank?

>> No.20753309

Okay, I took the suggestions, and tried to fix a majority of the stuff suggested. Hopefully it reads better now.

>> No.20753376

Gardner's asleep, post writing.

>> No.20753396

Go to bed Gardner.

>> No.20753398

Why is F Gardner a bogeyman here?

>> No.20753401

Jealous seethers. Also because it’s funny to claim everyone is Gardner.

>> No.20753406

I'm in a weird middle ground.
I'm an introvert who likes to daydream then write little scenes down, but call it adhd or whatever you will, I can't read seriously for shit.

That's why I hang out here sometimes asking questions about writing. Layering the plot, or adjusting the pacing are things I need to learn how to do better. Just mashing daydreams together is only going to get me so far.

>> No.20753421
File: 391 KB, 684x1317, 2755B202-4DC5-485C-99A9-5299C056AF84.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Nothing’s being axed from the list. This is the updated version. We’re not taking off any of the authors just because someone doesn’t like them.

>> No.20753466

Copy and pasting from /x/ doesn't make you an author Gardner.

>> No.20753467

Axe everything

>> No.20753468
File: 3.41 MB, 498x373, spongebob-yelling.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]


>> No.20753471

Sounds like something Gardner would say. Nice try F.

>> No.20753473

sup bros
i tried to incorporate the suggestions from the previous thread. cut the adverbs, less clunk and make the MC less of a bitch. how does it come across now?

>> No.20753476

I'll report back in a bit anon!

>> No.20753482

>unironically posting your writing

Gardner will you never give up? You’re fooling no one.

>> No.20753486

I love this.

>> No.20753493

hey man it's pretty schizo. if that's what you wanted, well done. although i wouldn't be able to read a whole novella written like this.

>> No.20753509
File: 126 KB, 750x1029, 53B8539D-48B1-456F-9631-5E79E1D71CA7.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I thought this screenshot was a joke till I started reading Call of the Crocodile. Holy crap.

>> No.20753520
File: 515 KB, 750x918, D1495025-274A-4BD8-87C1-88ADEE851C04.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Thank you kindly

>> No.20753526
File: 44 KB, 402x420, 1626649821012.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I've spent a few days compiling literary agents in a folder to contact and the process is fucking depressing how few are open to submissions, open to my genre, open to non-YA, and open to white male authors. It's a very short list and I raided quite a few pages deep into google results for it.

>> No.20753536

>not writing in a simple workman's prose
>Not wanting to reach out to the greatest number of readers
>Thinking anyone actually wants to read convoluted word choice
KISS method is best method

>> No.20753537
File: 241 KB, 526x579, 1652146454225.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>not tailoring your prose to the tone and nature of the project you're working on

>> No.20753543

Just finished--since I was diving into the second chapter without the context of the first, take my thoughts with a grain of salt.

The passage had very few technical flaws to point to, but I wasn't that entertaining. That being said, that could just be because I read this chapter without context.

"Moxy" sounds like a stripper name. According to this chapter she's a bartender; if that's intentional, then good, but if she's not supposed to have a bimbo name I'd change it.

The prose was mostly good. A couple missing commas here and there, but nothing major. I like the idea of the scene with a bartender at a rave looking for people to test a drug on (assuming that's what it's actually about, that's the impression I got from the scene without reading any of the prior parts), although the dialogue didn't sit right with me.

It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't particularly believable. The characters didn't feal like real people, they all felt like the omniscient author playing with sock-puppets. Admittedly, dialogue is probably the single most difficult struggle for me, so I wouldn't dare advise you on how to fix it, so you'll have to look at better dialogue-writers than me for solutions.

Anyway, it was mostly a good scene with good prose, and Moxy's thoughts were funny. I'd just work on giving the story more verisimilitude.

I will add that this chapter was very short. While that's good for getting critique online (people are less likely to critique a 6,000 word chapter than a 1,000 word chapter, from my personal experience), it might not serve the story well if all of them are that short.

That might not be the case; Clive Barker's "Weaveworld" has super short chapters, but it works in favor of the blistering pace. While it's possible that your story might benefit from really short chapters structurally, I'd do some research into the nature of pace and story structure to find out what chapter length is the best for you. On average chapters tend to be around 4k words, but you can write them shorter or longer depending on the needs of your narrative.

Hope something here was helpful. Keep writing!

>> No.20753551
File: 155 KB, 252x526, 1655035360809.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

There was red algae in the pond. He scooped some up with the net and poured a little of the tincture on it to see whether it turned blue or purple. This time he was lucky and it was a deep purple, maybe a shade of crimson. He could eat this. He spent some time scooping more algae and piling it into his basket. There was no guarantee the algae would be good the next time he came through here.
A hand came out of the water, webbed and clawed. That was new, there hadn't been anyone in this pond before. He took a few steps back, holding the pronged end of the handle of his net against the creature. It climbed halfway out of the water, revealing the oozing wounds on the body that seeped ichor. One wound still showed the worms writing in it. The creature was weak and dying, but still dangerous. It had probably come here after being banished by its tribe and was now waiting to die. Would its death foul the pond? Were the worms of a kind that would do harm to humans? Were there maybe eggs among the algae he'd taken up?
No matter, he'd ground it all up and boil it anyway. He kept retreating and the thing gulp, its gills were bleeding and it seemed to have trouble breathing. He had what he'd come for anyway, at least two days' worth of soup could be made of this algae.
He left the pond. To his surprise the creature came to the shore, where it fell on its wobbly knees and crawled around the muddy bank for a while, as if to make sure it drove him away. The fins rose lazily, not fully erect. A threat display from a dying beast.
He sighed, the sound echoing in his ears due to the resonance of the respirator. If the creature was putting on a show like this, to show it controlled the pond, that meant there was something else watching. Something it needed to convince it was in control. That meant he couldn't afford to show weakness either, or he would be the one treated as prey.
He set down his bag and took off the net from its handle, so as to not break it. He walked back toward the pond, holding up his pronged spear.
The creature tried to stand, but the best it could manage was to rise to its hands and knees. This was good, those claws were dangerous but it would topple if it tried to hit him. Fangs were displayed, but many were missing, the gums receding and bloody sores filled the maw.
He took a few running steps and the beast turned sideways. He stabbed it, breaking soft skin. Pulled away in time to avoid a leap, the creature tried to tackle him.
He whacked it on the head, an impish thing, ineffective. Then retreated. The creature defecated, tried to spray him, but he dodged, stabbed the other flank, retreated.
The thing collapsed, then crawled back in the water. For a moment he reveled in his triumph, then returned to his bag. As he left he heard the predator splash in the pond.
"Better you than me," he mumbled without checking back to see what it had been.

>> No.20753553

>Sanderson writes fantasy in workman's
>King writes horror in workman's
>Patterson writes thriller and action in workman's
>Gaiman writes historical fiction and non-fiction in workman's
>Hemingway writes classics in workman's
A simple easy to read book is the path to success.

>> No.20753556

And his prose is trash as his fantasy.

>> No.20753564

This board has finally snapped.

>> No.20753579

Great! That would be a shame if they were taken out because those other books that were edited out are excellent. Call of the Crocodile, Shaman, Faceless Eggplant, Zulu Alitspa‘s works are all books I adore. We have a strong and supportive writing community here and I enjoy the works posted!

>> No.20753581

good shit man. wish i could write like you.

>> No.20753591

>Faceless Eggplant

>> No.20753597

sounds like something I'd write

if you got anything else with a similar vibe submit it here>>20752724

>> No.20753598

Thank you my guy

>> No.20753607
File: 283 KB, 634x774, 445E3D24-AC43-4F91-9297-56A90D112896.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>> No.20753657

What's with this Gardner vs Pseeuds rivalry?

>> No.20753672

hmm looks like i got a lot more work to do. chapter 2 is entirely unrelated to chapter 1,
Moxy's not supposed to come across a girl looking for people to test drugs on lol. chapter's still WIP. what you've read so far is me trying to establish the 3 characters

>> No.20753685

oh shit just saw the comments in the doc. thanks man you're awesome.

>> No.20753719

Day 47 editing
Chapter 60 bretter
I was worried before that I had written filler trash
Despite my choppan it turns out that my story has depth.
The feels are cumming...

>> No.20753725

How long are your chapters?

>> No.20753735

longest that i cant bring myself to divide are 6k+, shortest are 2.5k+

>> No.20753737

That's a long book

>> No.20753747

all up its gonna be about 350k-ish
Kinda afraid to finish it to be honest, if only for the fact that i'll have to start writing the sequels

>> No.20753754

Just last thread I got told that anything over 80k is overwritten.

>> No.20753783

>(you) believed someone on the internet?
I would be amazed...but then that would mean i believe you.

>> No.20753784

Gardner I'm going to come to your parents house and poop on their lawn.

>> No.20753797

how long did it take you?

>> No.20753798

Don’t forget The Seeds of Doubt and Son of the Son. Those are every bit as good as Call of the Crocodile.

>> No.20753803

This might not be exactly on topic, but do you guys have a book that made you want to write? Or a book that you've read since, that made you excited for your next writing session?

Honestly, for me it was reading Ready Player One (trash - it was a gift), and In Thin Air (also trash - it was a book exchange), and thinking 'I could write better than that'.

>> No.20753815

If I had to point to any one inspiration it would be my collection of Andersen's fairy tales.

>> No.20753826
File: 67 KB, 1872x403, jkk.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

OK, but, i'm not Gardner.

>> No.20753838

this is like listening to radio pop music and thinking i should write songs. and then you realise writing catchy pop songs is actually hard.

>> No.20753869

Lol I just woke up and went to the bathroom then fell asleep again
I had and incredibly detailed dream of a pretty interesting western murder mystery almost in its entirety.
I was able to jot notes down on it as soon as I woke up.

>> No.20753891

what erotica niche makes money?

>> No.20753951


>> No.20753956

Gay erotica involving F. Gardner

>> No.20753984

All I have are nightmares of me looking at excel spread sheets and lists

>> No.20753986

>Stop writing for a moment and check back to the initial chapters
>The writing is WAY tonally different and even the characters act/talk a bit different
I feel like the embodiment of "death of an author". Outside of maybe chapter long rewrites, what can I do?

>> No.20753998

Rewriting is what you're going to do. Also "death of the author" has nothing at all to do with tonal inconsistency, it has to do with Marxist literary criticism.

>> No.20754020

>Also "death of the author" has nothing at all to do with tonal inconsistency, it has to do with Marxist literary criticism
Oh fuck. I've been using that phrase wrong for god knows how many years. I thought it referred to an audience or creator losing touch with the initial core of a project. Like if you produced a McDonalds kids toy but only adult women brought it because it's phallic nature is perfect for masturbation (weird example but go with it ok).

>> No.20754028

> I thought it referred to an audience or creator losing touch with the initial core of a project
How could you possibly ever think that? Death of the author means that once a work has been published, all interpretations of it are valid regardless of what the author says (for example Lord of the Rings is about homosexual relationships and transgenderism), it's a big crock of shit from Marxists who want to shove their cancer where it doesn't belong.

>> No.20754042

dig this anons honesty though

second anon: it's more like a collective understanding that language is code that we all subscribe to. The works of art we produce as a culture are therefore uniquely created by our collective culture. So that, the author is in itself unimportant to the work, instead the work existing is a symptom of the culture at large. Instead of looking at an individual as the auteur that creates worlds wholly his own, one much look at the art as the product of many, many years of cultural convergence and divergence by the individual that could not exist without the universal and cultural. mmmmmmmk?

>> No.20754058

No. The author creates the work. Without the author there is no work. If the author says something regarding his work, it is absolute.

>> No.20754066

First and second drafting's just over half a year, though with this final edit it will be about ten months.
The way Kosnik4 monumentally fucked up the premise and delivery of Magic Smithing is my driving motivator.

>> No.20754086


It seems pastebin is the way to go, I'll make sure to post it here whenever I've got something

>> No.20754122

My hair is starting to thin out. Should I take my mugshot now to make sure I look handsome in the dustjacket of the book I haven't written yet?

>> No.20754191

You wrote 360k in 6 months?

>> No.20754217

wel fuck you, bitch.

>> No.20754272

Which one of these would be the most suited for a lighter-hearted space opera type deal?

>> No.20754372
File: 335 KB, 350x810, owl2.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Taking the day off work. Novel Draft 3 starting this afternoon after I finish reading.

>> No.20754414

Whatcha reading anon?

>> No.20754438
File: 1.59 MB, 3264x2448, 20220729_073143[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

It's a reread, been a long time.

>> No.20754473

The ambulance had arrived just as Dick had left the dorm, and the paramedics rushed in to find Nell lying naked on the carpet, covered in dried cum.
Dick entered through a side door, and followed the signs pointing to the bathroom, when he stumbled upon a familiar face.
“Hey there stranger,” a blonde girl said, wearing bright blue jeans and a white tank top.
“Oh, Hi Jesse,” Dick said.
“So, is that your real daughter?” Jesse asked, smirking.
“Why do you ask?” Dick said.
“It’s just…The way she looks at you reminds me of the way I used to look at my fella,” She said.
“And it just made me curious. Are you married?” Jesse’s hot breath fell upon Dick’s cold lips.
“No,” Dick replied coldly.
“A silver fox,” The young woman purred.
“Do you know where the men’s toilet is?” Dick asked, glancing around.
“In a rush are we? Well, if she really is your daughter, then she wouldn’t mind me doing this,” She touched Dick’s chest with her perky breasts, and looked up at him with her shocking blue eyes. Dick grabbed her with both hands and slammed her into the wall. He kissed her with intense passion and groped her stomach vigorously.
“You’re so fucking hot,” He breathed, nibbling her ear like a rabbit eating a carrot.
“Let me practice my blowjob skills,” She said, sliding down against the wall quickly.
Dick tore open his jeans and pulled down the front of his underwear. His penis flopped out and shot straight between Jesse’s pink little lips. She sucked furiously like a jet turbine, and all that could be heard in the long spacious corridor was the intense sucking of a college freshmen. He briefly thought of Nell, and that she might have had something to say about what he was doing, but he remembered what he was to her - what he was meant to be to her - a father, nothing more.

>> No.20754480

You're still a novice. Expect to throw your first novel in the garbage.

>> No.20754486

Insanely stupid, but somehow works. I don't think a story like this could ever be critiqued by me.

>> No.20754492

Lol I'm fully anticipating this. I'm planning on printing a "test" copy and just storing it on my bookshelf for all eternity.

>> No.20754509

I did this twice before I started feeling good about my prose. Two novels in the garbage, one even after generally positive peer critique and beta

>> No.20754535

Would you ever go back to them? Have you ever cited them for info like maybe a character from novel #2 struck a cord with you and showed up again in novel #3 (despite being a totally different story/universe)?

>> No.20754541

>Is there a version you recommend reading?
The Penguin Classics comes with essays and commentary on the imagery. I found that helpful and insightful.

>> No.20754555


>> No.20754597
File: 40 KB, 673x618, manic_ded.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I keep fucking up the youtube embeds when I make a thread. What am I supposed to delete?

>> No.20754613

The "embed" part

>> No.20754620

If I made a comic would it be /lit/
Would you allow me into your treehouse.

>> No.20754624

If you wrote it? Sure.

>> No.20754634

Well here is the next thread and I broke the Youtube links again gotdammit

>> No.20754637

Son you disappoint me

>> No.20754641

Whatever. I made my own image, it has only one book per author, and I'll post it without consideration for what anyone else does.
It still has Gardner, though after the week-long schizo freakout, I'm seriously considering removing it.

>> No.20754682

I liked this although I found the description could use some revision to make it denser. Specifically making most of the description of the creature upfront (and briefer) would help - doling out little updates is jarring as a reader to learn "Oh he has sores, okay hedoes this does that, oh he ALSO has worms in them, and he also has blood stains on his gills, etc." It's like retouching a painting of it in my mind constantly. The exception is I liked when it opened its mouth and us to see inside as the POV and new information to come through.

I liked the setting/MC characterization from actions like planning meals and not bothering to look back. Did also felt there was room for some metaphor/simile. Overall it felt competent despite a few typos, I would keep reading which is the highest praise in my opinion. But I hope you do put some more love and polish into the prose.

Also unrelated but fuck these threads get burned through so fast because of the spamming retard - it hurts the critique rate even more when half the posts are unrelated trash.

>> No.20754914

thank you

I have no plans to extend it into a full story, but I may edit it later to improve it.

The piece I wrote was based on a writing prompt suggesting to explore our primal landscape. I still fail to capture what I want in my writing.
I also think the decapitated chicken are unpleasant, and I may remove them later. I added them because I regularly found dead animals near my home, attributed to some kind of ritual my neighboors did every saturday night.

>> No.20754925

Thank you for your effort. I wasn't expecting critique, this was just something I made up as I went along. I sometimes do that, just write something random for the thread so at least someone posts their writing.
You're one of the good ones.

>> No.20755059

>“Let me practice my blowjob skills,”

>> No.20755102
File: 120 KB, 640x1138, atgt3q7gks081.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Anyone here have any experience reignited a passion for writing?
Used to write a ton in high school, short stories and scripts. Majored in journalism and redirected a lot of my time writing for uni and haven't tried anything creative in 5 years. For the life of me I just can't sit down and let some ideas flow.

>> No.20755356

I'm literally right there with you. I've come to the point where I consider writing shitty TV show scripts and Amazon tier erotic romance novels to make an income.

>> No.20755439

Writing pandering garbage is the only thing that gives me joy anymore.

>> No.20755564

First time on /lit/,
Is this the right place to talk about my erotica or is there a specific general/board for that?

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