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2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/lit/ - Literature

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20741626 No.20741626 [Reply] [Original]

>meet cute girl in English class
>notice she wears a few rings
>remember my Rabelais
>"Hey, those rings you are wearing look great on you!"
>"Awww thank you!"
>"You're welcome. By the way I like to wear rings sometimes too. Have you ever heard of Hans Carvel's ring?"
>No? What is that? Some kind of expensive and ornate ring?"
>"Yes, in fact, I would say it's one of the mosf sought after rings in the world."
>"Tell me more about it! I can't believe I've never heard of it."
>"Well Hans Carvel married a beautiful, loving, and smart woman. She was so beautiful it was hard for other men not to take notice. Men would go out of their way to help her and would do anything for her. Hans took notice of this and became extremely jealous, despite his wife being one of the most loyal woman to ever walk the Earth. One night while Hans was asleep, his dreams were yoked under the burden of his jealousy. In his dream the Devil appeared to him. The Devil said he had just the thing to cure Hans' jealousy, a ring. The Devil slipped the ring on his finger and told Hans that as long as this ring was on his finger his wife would be loyal to him, and if she were to be unloyal he would know exactly who the man was. Hans thanked the Devil profusely and vowed never to take the ring off. The Devil disappeared and Hans started to feel as if someone was trying to remove the ring from his finger. Hans woke up to find his finger up his wife's hoo-hoo and her yelling at him to get his finger out of there. So that's Hans Carvel's ring, and it's the only one I wear."
>"You know anon...I see you're not wearing Hans Carvel's ring now...but I think I've got one for you."
Well gentlemen, I bid you adieu.

>> No.20741636

I imagine Waldun wrote this

>> No.20741646

Just when /lit/ can't get any lower, it does.

>> No.20741656

>>20741626
didnt read. my brain to too fried.

>> No.20741669

>>20741646
You're just jealousy I got some pussy. Maybe you should read more literature to get some good pickup lines like me. Hans Carvel's ring never fails.

>> No.20741699

Wonderful! Bravo!

>> No.20741744

>>20741626
Don't trust her she's the devil

>> No.20741748

>>20741626
I wish I was sat across the table from her in the scenario of that pic then we went home and I clapped her cheeks while she read Sally Rooney then later she'd introduce me to her upper middle class father who has to cry himself to sleep some nights seeing his beloved daughter who he envisioned a bright future for bring home chad after chad to cuck him while he listens through the walls but he has to swallow his sorrow and with a dour demeanour say "...ahem, how do you do, anon?" and we'd have dinner 'meet the parents' style and that night after I clap her cheeks once more in the dead of night I'd tiptoe upstairs and smirk walking into the dark of her father's room slap him awake leer into his confused eyes and while kneeling on his arms to keep him down just piss into his open eyes.

>> No.20741778

>>20741626
Monke face, but her legs are insane.

>> No.20741812

>>20741748
>smirk walking into the dark of her father's room slap him awake leer into his confused eyes and while kneeling on his arms to keep him down just piss into his open eyes.
The fuck, are you Bam Margera and is her Dad Phil?

>> No.20741830

>at the bookstore
>see cutie browsing the shelves
>go up to her and say "SEX"
>she walks away
>grab biggest book I can find
>club her on the head
>drag her back to cave

>> No.20741938

>>20741646
His fingers were certainly low alright! Hyuk Hyuk hyuk

>> No.20742611

>>20741626
This idiotic Jezebel must live in the same city as I and must be known to my ex who I'm sure browses /lit/ from time to time.

>> No.20742791
File: 128 KB, 1571x838, A379C1BC-F9AA-4033-9F26-9C9234686981.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
20742791

>>20742611
She’s been on the move recently. London currently

>> No.20742831

>>20742791
What if I walked up to her, I'm at the foot of the bed she turns slowly, sultrily lifts her vulpine visage to gaze up at me eyes to eye, eyebrows raise slightly an bites her lip coquettishly, maybe waves her feet from side to side grinding her glorious legs like a fly cleaning itself, and I just whip out me pisser and piss upon her book torrentially. Just asking what if.

>> No.20742858

>>20742831
What if I'm at the other end of the bed and we piss on her together?

>> No.20742876

>>20741626
>>"Well Hans Carvel married a beautiful, loving, and smart woman. She was so beautiful it was hard for other men not to take notice. Men would go out of their way to help her and would do anything for her. Hans took notice of this and became extremely jealous, despite his wife being one of the most loyal woman to ever walk the Earth. One night while Hans was asleep, his dreams were yoked under the burden of his jealousy. In his dream the Devil appeared to him. The Devil said he had just the thing to cure Hans' jealousy, a ring. The Devil slipped the ring on his finger and told Hans that as long as this ring was on his finger his wife would be loyal to him, and if she were to be unloyal he would know exactly who the man was. Hans thanked the Devil profusely and vowed never to take the ring off. The Devil disappeared and Hans started to feel as if someone was trying to remove the ring from his finger. Hans woke up to find his finger up his wife's hoo-hoo and her yelling at him to get his finger out of there. So that's Hans Carvel's ring, and it's the only one I wear."
Nobody makes this 40 minute monologue to someone she met 5 seconds ago

>> No.20742886

>>20742858
Love at first site, mate.

>> No.20742892

what was the name of this whore again?

>> No.20742894

Alcohol got me laid, books haven't

>> No.20742900
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20742900

>>20741626
I want to cave this bitch's skull in like you wouldn't believe

>> No.20742909
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20742909

>Reading Call of the Crocodile
>Someone yells “Hey dis nigga readin a book!”
>Within moments I am being raped by a large black man.

Fuck you F Gardner!

>> No.20742915

>>20742909
Only at miller grove

>> No.20742919

>>20741626
i hate women

>> No.20742926

come on.. wtf even is this thread

>> No.20742951
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20742951

>>20742926
What the fuck even is this whole website?