/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.20731140]

>just came out as a platonist to my family

[Anonymous No.20731154]

Oof

[Anonymous No.20731156]

>>20731140
Mom regrets not going through with the abortion

[Anonymous No.20731158]

Id be a platonist if Aristotle didn’t beat him tf out in terms of the arts and his views on women. Pretty much everything else though Plato got right

[Anonymous No.20731160]

>>20731140
>just came out as a sophist to my family
>immediately disowned
>father threw a copy of Nicomachean Ethics at me as I walked out the door

[Anonymous No.20731161]

>>20731140
>H-HYLICS! Y-YOU'RE ALL HYLICS!

[Anonymous No.20731176]

>>20731158
Aristotle was a Platonist.

[Anonymous No.20731182]

>tell my dad I'm an Epicurean
>he laughs at me
>at dinner he prepares a delicious meal for the family, roast lamb and savory cheeses
>serves me a can of lentil soup

[Anonymous No.20731393]

>>20731140
Your mother and I have decided you should go live with the state.

[Anonymous No.20731433]

Let me say this. If my kids grow up to be platonists, I'm beating the shit out of 'em. Look here, there's two choices in life. You pretend you're a nominalist, or I beat you to death.

[Anonymous No.20731979]

>>20731140
Yikes.

[Anonymous No.20732009]

>>20731182
Turkish Lentil soup with bacon it’s peak epicurean

[Anonymous No.20732049]

>>20731140
>just came out to my family as a sadist

[Anonymous No.20732068]

>>20731140
>platonist

Relevant:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqmutSojKyw

[Anonymous No.20732078]

>>20732049
Did they punish you?

[Anonymous No.20732192]

>>20732078
I’m not a masochist

[Anonymous No.20732199]

>>20732192
Did you punish them?

[Anonymous No.20733353]

>>20731140
What?

[Anonymous No.20733588]

>priest found out I'm a Scotist

[Anonymous No.20733602]

>dad found out I'm a radical Heraclitean

[Anonymous No.20733822]

I just came on my family.

[Anonymous No.20733881]

>>20731140
Why even make this bait thread?

[Anonymous No.20733908]

>just came out as a radical eco-neo-neocameralism to my family
>my sister said she, too, is a radical econeoneocameralist
>i have to readjust my entire worldview now because she is kind of cringe sometimes

[Anonymous No.20733940]

>>20731140
>my synagogue found a copy of spinoza's ethics in my backpack

[Anonymous No.20734129]

>>20733940
kek

[Anonymous No.20734211]

>>20731140
>a what, son?

[Anonymous No.20734449]

>>20731140
>came out as a realist to my parents
>they tell me they're not going to let me use their Transcendental unity of Apperceptions anymore
Bros... I'm really struggling trying to hold my phenomenal shit together but my manifolds keep falling apart...

[Anonymous No.20734458]

>>20731140
>came out as a cynic
>dad kicked me out the house, said i didn't need it

[Anonymous No.20734487]

>came out as a Buddhist to my face before my mother and father were born

[Anonymous No.20734508]

>>20731176
retarded neoplatonist

[Anonymous No.20734754]

>came out as a stoic
>dad made me sleep on the porch

[Anonymous No.20735139]

>be me
>edgy kid
>decide to read Schopenhauer essays
>mom see me
>LOL YOU NEVER READ KANT

[Anonymous No.20735217]

>came out as a surrealist to my parents
>they kicked me into the house

[Anonymous No.20735315]

> Came out to my family as a hegelian
> Dad kicks me out of the house
> Come back into the house
> Come out as hegelian again

[Anonymous No.20735555]

>come out to parents as nihilist
>dad says it's good I don't believe in beating I'm about to get if I don't pay rent because it makes things easier to smooth over with social services

[Anonymous No.20735632]

>came out as a nominalist
>dad told me to go live in a cardboard box if I don't appreciate "houseness"

[Anonymous No.20735659]

>Came out as a hegelian to my family
>I am now my own father

[Anonymous No.20735791]

>came out as a freudian to my family
>dad packed his bags and moved out the next day

[Anonymous No.20735805]

>>20735315

The Absolute Spirit of this lad

[Anonymous No.20735834]

>I took apart our house and told my little brother he'll put it back together or he's a pussy
>when my dad asked why I told him I don't need to explain myself to those that lack the noble spirit needed to understand me

[Anonymous No.20735845]

>came out as a cynic
>Parents told me to pack my dogs and go live in a barrel

[Anonymous No.20735852]

just came

[Anonymous No.20736225]

>came out as an antinatalist
>parents retroactively pulled out, causing me to cease to exist

[Anonymous No.20736567]

>came out as a stirnerist
>Ghost Dad the movie happened

[Anonymous No.20736591]

>>20731140
>came out as a guenonian to my family
>mom completely ignored my masterfully-crafted refutation of modern work culture and told me mcdonalds is hiring
Stung a bit desu.

[Anonymous No.20737051]

>come out to parents as Kantian
>parents displeased
>they tell me I am sleeping in the doghouse tonight
>next morning
>awake from my dogmatic slumber

[Anonymous No.20737268]

>Came out as a marxist to my family
>My mother said since I cared so much about the means of production I should cook dinner myself
>Can't cook

>I am definitely 18 to post here

[Anonymous No.20737278]

>came out as a deleuzean to my parents
>they remove my organs

[Anonymous No.20737279]

>came out as a poststructuralist to my family
>father started calling me his little dog since meaning is so subjective
>I now live in the doghouse

[Anonymous No.20737286]

>>20737051
Ok, you can stay.

[Anonymous No.20737305]

Painful thread to read

[Anonymous No.20737346]

>>20731433
Kek.

[Anonymous No.20737353]

>>20731979
What's thos philospphy called?

[Anonymous No.20737366]

We need more threads like this

[Anonymous No.20737371]

>came out as a Zizekian
>parents *sniff* start arguing and *sniff* swearing at each other

[Anonymous No.20737377]

> Came out as post-modernist to my family
> Deconstruct the house

[Anonymous No.20737386]

>Came out as a Jungian
>Kermit the frogs says that my room is finally clean enough

[Anonymous No.20737796]

>>20737377
Got me

[Anonymous No.20737814]

>crush says she only loves me Platonically
>I'm not a Platonist

[Anonymous No.20737845]

>came out as an idealist
>now I'm grounded

[Anonymous No.20737859]

>>20733881
Faggot

[Anonymous No.20737982]

>>20735791
The real question is what your mom did.

[Anonymous No.20738003]

>>20737353
humanists behind closed doors

[Anonymous No.20738005]

>just came out as a Talmudist to my family
>every let out "mazel tov!!!" in unison

[Anonymous No.20738008]

>>20731140
>just came to a video of a MILF insisting the teen boy she was with call her mommy (alone)
Felt alright, though I am reaching the age where taboo talk is going to be women calling me daddy.

[Anonymous No.20738137]

>>20737051
That made me laugh a lot thank you anon

[Anonymous No.20738207]

>>20731140
I need to get out of here

[Anonymous No.20738269]

>came out as a non-classical logician to my aunt
>she called the cops on me for violating the law of non-contradiction

[Anonymous No.20738295]

>came out as a lacanian to my newborn's kleinian analyst
how fucked am i bros

[Anonymous No.20738323]

>came out as a mereological nihilist to a bunch of particles what other particles used to call i used to call its family

[Anonymous No.20738460]

>>20734754
This is a good one

[Anonymous No.20738509]

>came out to my dad as a Kantian
>he said he will kick me out
>told him he should act by that maxim, whereby, he can, at the same time, will, that it be universal law.
>he still kicked me out and said he hopes everyone else does too

[Anonymous No.20738528]

>>20738509
The actual universal maxim would be "Fathers should kick out their sons," which is, in fact, very based as well.

[Anonymous No.20738541]

>parentsh *shniff* shtart arguing and *shniff* shwearing at each other
ftfy

[Anonymous No.20738547]

>>20738528
>The actual universal maxim
This interjection is why I can't take Kantian ethics seriously. You can always just add a shitload of arbitrarity onto your supposed iron laws of reason.

[Anonymous No.20738552]

>>20738528
What prevents one from more restrictively specifying the maxim? This is what I didn’t get when I was learning about it at school. I haven’t dug deep into Kant so I’m sure there’s an answer. But it seems arbitrary to say “I will lie” is sufficiently general but not “I will lie to save the life of others”. Also, what about the maxim, “I will give to the poor”? It seems like, if that is universal law, then the poor will no longer exist. So do we have a perfect duty never to give to the poor?

[Anonymous No.20738565]

>>20738552
>>20738547
Humans are ends. A law must not be contradictory insofar as it results in its own termination. Poor=Human=Bad. Thus a law to get rid of that is fine, so long as it takes them as humans worthy of respect. So giving them free money=fine; forcing them to work=probably fine so long as it's work they're capable of; killing them=no.

Kant was an autist and didn't think anyone should ever deviate from fixed laws. The issue is that 'perpetuation of laws' requires a human surrogate, and hence, human existence. I.E. Kantian ethics is consequentialist in that if there are recipients of laws then there must be appliers of laws too. This kind of only works on the assumption that there is a transcendent justification for these universal maxims.

But that's just my view!

[Anonymous No.20738595]

>just came out as a Kantian to my family
>"Glad, you're not gay, son. I like'em cunts, too."

[Anonymous No.20738603]

>came out as a neoparmenidean
>got my ass whooped

[Anonymous No.20738761]

>>20738323
>bunch of particles
No such thing, grasshopper

[Anonymous No.20738769]

>come out as Rastafari to my parents
>they sent me back to africa
Doesn't feel like a win tbph

[Anonymous No.20738802]

>come out to my parents as a noneuclidean geometrist
>they say it's pronounced "autist" and it's nice I like triangles

[Anonymous No.20738826]

>came out as a Reichian
>mom immediately blames me for using all the toilet paper

[Anonymous No.20738860]

>>20738603
>came out as an Eleatic
>nothing changes

[Anonymous No.20738875]

>come out as Confucian
>mom hands me broom while dad start beating me with slipper

[Anonymous No.20738877]

>come out as a mereological nihilist
>mom puts on An Inconvenient Truth

[Anonymous No.20738880]

>>20738877
tell her that you're a meteorological nihilist

[Anonymous No.20738884]

>>20738880
that was the joke bro

[Anonymous No.20738889]

>>20738880
Only bad clothes, never bad weather

[Anonymous No.20738894]

>>20738884
your mom told me that you're the joke

[Anonymous No.20738900]

>>20738894
wanna know what you're mom told me?

[Anonymous No.20738903]

>>20738894
>Come out to my parents as Chrysippean
>They call me a donkey and die laughing
:(

[Anonymous No.20738925]

>come out to my friends as a platonist
>come out to my mom as a nominalist
>come out to my dad (they're divorced) as a hegelian
>come out to my sister as a critical rationalist
>tfw secret relativist

[Anonymous No.20738932]

>>20738925
>relativist
No wonder they're divorced

[Anonymous No.20739291]

>>20735852
kek

[Anonymous No.20739358]

>>20731140
Why are frogposters so stupid?

[Anonymous No.20739382]

>come out to my dad as a subjective idealist
>he kicks me out and tells me to imagine a house

[Anonymous No.20739397]

>>20731140
>Just came out as an accelerationist to my wife's daughter's husband

[Anonymous No.20739439]

>>20738565
Yes but “I will give to the poor” results in self-termination of the maxim. If everyone gave to the poor all the time, there would be no poor people, and thus you couldn’t apply the maxim in that world. It therefore seems that Kantian ethics would imply that giving to the poor is wrong.

[Anonymous No.20739497]

>entirety of reality just came out as a neutral monist

[Anonymous No.20739839]

>>20739439
No. As I said, treating humans as ends is of higher importance than perpetuating maxims, otherwise the simplest way to live would be to kill everyone/self. Abolishing poverty is good because it is a good for humans, even if it abolishes its own maxim.

[Anonymous No.20739842]

/// The car gave a sudden judder, then stopped dead /// She might live to rue this impetuous decision /// For now, foreign companies should tread carefully and onshore user data when possible /// We had to trudge through deep snow to get to school /// The play just plodded along in the second act /// Wortman is listed as a denturist — a person who makes dentures — in the city of Dartmouth, near Halifax /// She'll be delivering the keynote address at the conference on Friday // He rummaged through the jumble of papers on his desk /// He had the look of a man whose original rustic stolidity had been supercharged with cockney cunning /// Some of the clothes in the fashion show were too off the wall for the average customer /// That is not much comfort to a motorist stuck in a snowdrift /// The weather becomes more erratic, increasing the risk of summer droughts and harvest failures /// She had the calloused hands of someone who had always worked hard for a living /// I like to swirl in a pat or two of butter off heat to add sheen and give the sauce a velvety texture /// I could hear my roommate plodding up the steps to our apartment /// He tried to fob off an inferior brand on us /// His main shtick is delivering one-liner jokes, of which he claims to have 200 of /// I want nothing to do with that bunch of nitwits /// The Cyclopes, too, were gigantic, towering up like mighty mountain crags and devastating in their power /// The burglar used a jimmy to open the window /// There's a motley assortment of old furniture in the house we're renting now /// How is this attractive aphorism to be converted into constructive policies? /// It's like one of those tinkly bells that you get with Buddhism or one of those religions, a little dry bell /// We refute this scurrilous allegation /// Criminy, what is this world coming to? /// We could hear the sergeant bellowing orders to his troops /// Just plunk your stuff down on any old desk /// He let out a holler as he fell /// The crates were unloaded onto the wharf /// Whence does Parliament derive this power? /// There was no warrant for such behavior /// Now the last of these three objectives was obviously a pipe dream /// Neath his calm surface there was seething anger /// From what I was able to glean, the news isn't good /// The drug has a litany of possible side effects /// Smaller quilts for single beds are exempt from tax /// He has long felt that Ray was set up, that he was a patsy /// I showed up giddy with anticipation, brimming with questions /// To use the vernacular of the period, Peter was square /// As a rule, monocles were a male accessory: If in need of an aid to vision, a woman would use spectacles or a lorgnette, a pair of glasses on a handle /// Both men and women have cowlicks, which can be covered by longer hair so the whorl is not visible /// At parties he always makes a beeline for the prettiest woman in the room /// I've been racking my brains all day but I can't remember her name ///

[Anonymous No.20740083]

>came out as a Wittgensteinian to my parents
>they refuse to speak thereof

[Anonymous No.20740086]

>>20737845
Gold

[Anonymous No.20740447]

>>20737371
>came out as žižekian
>mother gets raped by a mongolian warrior while my father holds the warriors balls so they don't get dusty

[Anonymous No.20740562]

>>20735791
anon, you're leaving out the part about what your mom did. I'm sure it's wholesome though, right?
Right?

[Anonymous No.20740698]

>>20735217
>>20734754
>>20737051
the best ones so far.

[Anonymous No.20740725]

>>20735852
Perfectly timed. How could I not see it coming?

[Anonymous No.20740744]

>came out to my parents as gay
>they told me I can't get a man pregnant

[Anonymous No.20741391]

>>20740744
Did you at least remind him you're willing to live with that fact so long as you have a tight bussy to stuff every night?

[Anonymous No.20741796]

>came out to my parents as an absurdist
>they made me mow the lawn
>the lawn is so big that by the time I mow it all it's grown back again
>no allowance either

[Anonymous No.20741833]

>>20741796
I lol'd.

[Anonymous No.20742177]

>came out to my parents as Cartesian
>they asked me if I was sure
>told them I am

[Anonymous No.20742233]

>just came out as a claustrophobic to my family
>they told me to go to my room

[Anonymous No.20742432]

>>20737051
You little fucker.

[Anonymous No.20743638]

>>20738900
"learn to spell you fucking inbred sub-human!"?

[Anonymous No.20743766]

>>20731140
>come out to my parents as Nietzschian
>Dad breaks my patella and calls me an eastern faggot for worrying about my knees chi

[Anonymous No.20743798]

>>20737051
Bravo anon. I often think of 'dogmatic slumber' when I see a dog, but never formulated it into something clever like that.

[Anonymous No.20744698]

>>20738860
nice

[Anonymous No.20744727]

>>20731140
>tfw came out as a girl

[Anonymous No.20745685]

>>20742177
heh

[Anonymous No.20746233]

>>20742177
>not ‘I think so’

[Anonymous No.20746244]

>>20733940

[Anonymous No.20746460]

>>20746244
kek

[Anonymous No.20746590]

>>20746233
That's good

[Anonymous No.20746608]

>just came out as a Spinozaian to my family
>I was punished because someone broke our window

[Anonymous No.20746615]

>just came out as a philosopher to my family
>they told me to go to my room and think about what I've done

[Anonymous No.20746618]

>came out to my family as kafkaesque
>wake up as a cockroach

[Anonymous No.20746630]

>>20731433
>Here kid lets run an experiment, if I hit you over the back of the head will you the indivisible form of a headache? Or will you get a fucking headache?
>That's what I thought, now anyway back to on managing slaves...

[Anonymous No.20746683]

>>20746244
Immeasurably and stupendously based

[Anonymous No.20746922]

>>20746618
>in my room
>decide to come out to my family as kafkaesque
>go to my door and open it
>parents are in the living room dressed in tight leather whipping each other
>Dad asks ’Aren’t you going to join us anon?’

[Anonymous No.20747783]

>>20746618
*an enormous bug

[Anonymous No.20748563]

>>20746618
>cockroach
A cockroach is an insect that is flat in shape with large legs, and Gregor is anything but flat: he is convex on both sides, belly and back, and his legs are small. He approaches a cockroach in only one respect: his coloration is brown. That is all. Apart from this he has a tremendous convex belly divided into segments and a hard rounded back suggestive of wing cases. In beetles these cases conceal flimsy little wings that can be expanded and then may carry the beetle for miles and miles in a blundering flight. Curiously enough, Gregor the beetle never found out that he had wings under the hard covering of his back. (This is a very nice observation on my part to be treasured all your lives. Some Gregors, some Joes and Janes, do not know that they have wings.) Further, he has strong mandibles. He uses these organs to turn the key in a lock while standing erect on his hind legs, on his third pair of legs (a strong little pair), and this gives us the length of his body, which is about three feet long. In the course of the story he gets gradually accustomed to using his new appendages—his feet, his feelers. This brown, convex, dog-sized beetle is very broad.

In the original German text the old charwoman calls him Mistkäfer, a "dung beetle." It is obvious that the good woman is adding the epithet only to be friendly. He is not, technically, a dung beetle. He is merely a big beetle. (I must add that neither Gregor nor Kafka saw that beetle any too clearly.)

[Anonymous No.20748567]

>>20731140
kys you sick fuck

[Anonymous No.20749638]

>>20740562
>>20737982
>>20735791 and >>20735852 are both me if you know what I mean (sex)

[Anonymous No.20749712]

>>20737279

[Anonymous No.20750888]

>>20737386
Kek'nt

[Anonymous No.20752624]

>>20737279
if you are the dog, and you live in the house, then the house is a doghouse

[Anonymous No.20752669]

>>20738008
link

[Anonymous No.20753978]

>>20731158
what did he get right anon can u elaborate

[Anonymous No.20754009]

>>20735315
did he suck your dialecdick?

[Anonymous No.20754055]

>Came out to my family as a logical positivist
>My dad takes me to the barbershop
>This makes me doubt myself, so I start to reflect on my beliefs

>Later that day my family plays a game of scrabble
>I win by a landslide

[Anonymous No.20754083]

>Come out to my parents as a speculative realist
>house kicks me out

[Anonymous No.20754877]

bumping, good thread

[Anonymous No.20754920]

>parents came out to me as antinatalists

[Anonymous No.20754931]

>>20733602
Did you quoting Plato's Cratylus to you too?

[Anonymous No.20754941]

>>20731140
Me at a family gathering: hey mother, hey pa, I’m a cynic
Family: we don’t give a fuck

[Anonymous No.20756442]

>come out to my parents as schizophrenic
>parents are outside
>come out to parents

[Anonymous No.20756463]

>>20734449
>come out as a realist to my parents
>they negate me from the synthesis of their possible manifolds and condemn me to impossibility.

[Anonymous No.20756474]

>>20735217
>came out as an Escher scholar
>dad kicked me down the basement stairs
>ended up on the second floor

[Anonymous No.20757261]

>Came out as a Confucian
>Dad ordered me to stop
>Now stuck in paradox of filial piety

[Anonymous No.20757309]

>>20754941
kek

[Anonymous No.20758120]

>>20737845
underrated

[Anonymous No.20758150]

>come out to my parents as a platonist
>they cube me

[Anonymous No.20759296]

>>20731182
Is epicureanism just asceticism but made to sound more appealing through word magic?

[Anonymous No.20759301]

>>20759296
Vulgar hedonism which inverts into annihilationism.

Just like if Buddha knew heroin.