Books about feeling intense guilt and betrayal

[Anonymous No.20638774]

tl;dr: killed a in combat during the Afghan war and coped thinking I was fighting for freedom

>2008
>finish highschool and join military because no skills / no job / no prospects
>don't believe /understand anything we're doing over there, family is mostly liberal / apolitical and just want me out of their house
>basically just in for the money
>get deployed to afghanistan
>do mostly tail roles, only saw real action twice
>first was getting our vehicle shot while driving north. Nobody got hit and we just fucked off away from there to destination
>second was in a village, we got sent in as reinforcement for a squad that was pinned down by shapshooters on a hill while searching for weapons in a town
>apparently we were nearby and hit the jackpot, finding an improv foxhole that was 2 minutes away from accurate firing range according to sargeant
>get authorized to use lethal force for the first time and instantly lose my mind
>next two fucking minutes we are sneaking so close to the foxhole, I can't even say a fucking word because I'm so scared and everyone around me is excited for some fucking reason
>we remain unnoticed and sargeant tells us to fire
>we kill three of four of them, the last one alive is the one I shot
>bullet went through his throat, find him agonizing on the ground and panic
>scrawny dude that barely looked eighteen, crying his heart out
>try to save his life because military doesn't go around executing people contrary to popular belief
>at one point dude is even holding my wrist like he's trying to help until he can't
>this goes on for painful thirty minutes until he passes out but feels like hours
>entire squad gets commended for what we did that day
>I find it really fucked up
>it isn't long until I'm out of the military and straight to depression / veteran support groups
>cope with things like 'it was us or them" or "it was for the freedom of the locals"
>USA leaves afghanistan
>see that they retake their country the nanossecond we leave and they get welcomed with open arms
>realized I killed a boy (it was not even a man) for nothing and that he was trying to protect his land
>realized I did it for money

Any books about this?

I feel like shit.

[Anonymous No.20638782]

You sound like a gigantic pussy.

[Anonymous No.20638815]

>>20638782
You can think that. I have been called that, even by close friends. But actually killing a person flips a switch in your brain that you really feel like there is no coming back.

It is not like in a videogame. It is not like I crashed my car into someone else's. I did not just do a bad thing that I can apologize to later.

There is now dead dude in the world because I needed money. I can't fix that.

[Anonymous No.20638819]

>>20638774
Can I recommend Shane? The film (from the 50s I think) is as good as the novel. It’s maybe not quite about what you but the themes seem to me like they’d help you. I’ll pray for you tonight.

[Anonymous No.20638834]

>>20638774
Call of the Crocodile

[Anonymous No.20638839]

the bibble

[Anonymous No.20638840]

>>20638774
I've killed a man once. Self-defense. I don't really enjoy thinking about it.
As for books, you may enjoy Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment, which is exactly about the guilt of killing someone - although the book's murder is very different from yours.
Another take would be reading Jünger's Storm of Steel. This man went to WWI with a completely outdated martial mindset and still managed to enjoy the experience. Supremely well-written.
You may also benefit from understanding how the world works a little better. I understand that you feel betrayed by the fact that your tour and that specific situation where you killed that boy - although you were also one - were completely meaningless. Maybe reading about American history is a good starting point.

[Anonymous No.20638846]

>>20638815
That little faggot would have killed you dead and forgot about it by bed time. Be thankful you're alive.

[Anonymous No.20639231]

Sounds like 'All quiet on the western front'

[Anonymous No.20639237]

>>20638774
The Things They Carried

Dispatches

[Anonymous No.20639240]

>>20638846
You quite literally don't know what you're talking about

[Anonymous No.20639247]

Youre a pussy, go join Wagner or the FFL and kill more kids or else a pussy is all youll ever be.

[Anonymous No.20639337]

>>20638846
Maybe he would, but the thing is that he was justified, I wasn't.

I was there just for money. Then I coped, got into some of those neocon veteran support groups and convinced myself I was there for freedom, then I realized I was there for money and the guy I killed was there for free, fighting for his land as he should.

>>20639237
>>20639231

Thank you.

[Anonymous No.20639382]

>>20639337
I can't pretend to know what anything you experienced was like, but maybe use this as an opportunity to try and understand your capacity for evil and unconsciousness, and how easily you are wielded by others. While also recognizing the capacity for evil in others, of course - like the neocon copers.

You can take or leave the Christian content, but I've found St. Ignatius' Spiritual Exercises to be good for this. Ignatius himself also killed others in wartime. He invented the exercises while recovering from a severe injury, which gave him a lot of time to think and repent his thoughtless capacity for violence

[Anonymous No.20639383]

>>20638840
I'm not very smart myself.

I just watch debates online and frankly, the Middle-East wars still confuse me. I don't think I'd feel like a hit man if I were sent to defend South Korea or south Vietnam like I do whenever I think about Afghanistan. I just don't like what that war was, what we did in there.

I was lucky to spend most of my time with a wrench. Whenever I was not fixing shit (which I grant, was the only skillset that the army actually provided me and helped me land a job at home), I was around with a convoy going to some ancient mountain village, bothering the locals, searching their homes for anything that remotely looked like a gun or a remote explosive, then leaving only to return soon. We were harrassing them constantly, even when we tried to be friendly. There is just no way you go in a person's home assuming some mujahideen won't come out of a closet and blast your head open in the name of Allah. I always liked reading history movies and the I was constantly reminded by that part of Alexander where he goes to Afghanistan and it feels like he's lost himself and everyone is questioning him.

That's how it felt being there. I honestly think if Mexico or Canada were the ones invading America like we did in Afghanistan, the average inner city american would pretty much act like the Taleban. Townfolks were docile and submissive, but even there you could see the young men hated our guts and wanted us out. I did not even like eating in their places because I knew I was not welcome, even if I paid fair.

[Anonymous No.20639425]

>>20638834
kys nigger your book is shit

[Anonymous No.20639444]

>>20639382
Thank you very much.

I'm coming to /lit/ our of despair, really. I have this very specific emotion of betrayal and guilt, I see a lot of veterans feeling the same way. Many are worse off because they served in the front and lost a limb or friends there. Government won't tell you that some of the elements in the heroin epidemic in the south are younger veterans. The coping just doesn't work anymore.

I only read back in highschool. But one day I was drinking and I was like, 'there has to be a book about this'. It's just something much more complicated than the politics. Your recommendation is really what I was looking for.

[Anonymous No.20639453]

>>20638774
i know you're either larping or a marine because you misspelt sergeant

[Anonymous No.20639472]

>>20639383
Years ago I started writing a short story (never finished it) about a dude who goes to Afghanistan
Tell me what you think about it (I used google translate)

I am abroad, away from home. I earn 2800 euros per month. it is certainly more than I could earn in Italy, I only have the eighth grade. The place sucks, sheep shit everywhere, I don't know how else to spend the money I make other than opium and stinky prostitutes. I've never used drugs before, but these ignorant goatlovers here say that beer offends their God. Sometimes I'm so pissed off that I hit some kids hangirng around alone after dark. The boss says we are on a peace mission, we must defend civilians, but in reality he doesn't believe it either, and deep down he hates them as much as I do

[Anonymous No.20639492]

>>20638774
Don’t be a bitch. I killed 3-5 people in Afghanistan and I’m fine

[Anonymous No.20639503]

>Do you think the end of the world is coming?
>The preacher man said it's the end of time, he says that America's rivers are going dry, the interest is up, the stock market is down.
>You guys got to be careful walking around here this late at night
>Do you have change sir?
>This. No, we don't ma'm, I'm sorry... This, this, this is the perfect place to get jumped.
>But do you think the end of the world is coming?
>No, so says the preacher man, but I don't go by what he says.

[Anonymous No.20639521]

>>20638774
storm of steel

[Anonymous No.20639524]

>>20638774
Honestly anon that's bad. Killing an innocent is very bad. I hope you understand the gravity of your actions and you repent.

[Anonymous No.20639529]

>>20639524
They were combatants, anon

[Anonymous No.20639541]

>>20638774
Crime and punishment

[Anonymous No.20639542]

>>20639529
They were defending their home.

[Anonymous No.20639560]

>>20639472
>>20639472
>I am abroad, away from home. I earn 2800 euros per month. it is certainly more than I could earn in Italy, I only have the eighth grade.

I don't know much about italians and europeans serving in general in Afghanistan. There were some, but mostly tail. The bongs got their hands dirty, though, just not nearly as dirty as the americans.

>>20639472
>The place sucks, sheep shit everywhere, I don't know how else to spend the money I make other than opium and stinky prostitutes.

Prostitution is a huge money sink. That's pretty correct, but only if you are in a city and not in the outposts. I don't know about the sheep shit being everything, but they do live with cattle a lot more than we do. That passes.

Opium and narcotics are tricky. I personally don't know of anyone getting addicted opium while there.

>>20639472
>these ignorant goatlovers here say that beer offends their God. Sometimes I'm so pissed off that I hit some kids hangirng around alone after dark.

There are three attitudes in the military about the locals. One is this one, that they are retards and killing them is basically an act of mercy (I was stationed with some dude who was exactly like this, he was from Florida and hispanic. He was pretty chill about everyone, but dude let his worst get to him whenever he dealt with the locals. He went full on 'race gang mode' for some reason).

Hitting their kids is quite tricky, though.

>>20639472
>The boss says we are on a peace mission, we must defend civilians, but in reality he doesn't believe it either, and deep down he hates them as much as I do

Another attitude is the 'America, fuck yeah', which is the noble savage approach that you get from neocons, that we are somehow helping them and helping us.

The other attitude (which you don't describe in your book), is just the indifferent one. You'd be surprised at how many in the military don't bother having an opinion about anything. I find these the scarier, because they do whatever they are told and they outrank you 9/10.

[Anonymous No.20639564]

>>20638774
On Killing - Lt Dave Grossman

gets into the nitty gritty psychological processes that happen during the act of killing, maybe it can help. feel better anon, i hope you find even ground.

[Anonymous No.20639602]

>>20639472
I liked it, though.

Just cut the part about hitting their children because it is not realistic at all. Make it like 'you dream about hitting them'. You'd be scared shitless to go that far, you don't know whose kids they are and you know very young kids can already carry guns and explosives if you radicalize them. You try to do not antagonize them because you are already fucking invading their country, couping their government and searching their homes without warrant, so you avoid needless trouble. You're basically with your head deep in the mud the moment you land there. When I was in off time, I had to spend it with someone else, just because being alone in there is dangerous even in the capital.

The guy I often had time off with was a mormon, though. He just wanted to watch TV. So the one time I went for a hooker, I had to 'escape' him. Needless to say we both got shouted at.

[Anonymous No.20639646]

>>20639564
Thank you. I will definitely check it.

>>20639541
I couldn't go beyond page 8. I got it recommended but it just feels unrelated. I can tell the author is very good, but the book just failed me. I also kind of hated the protagonist because he reminded me a lot of my little brother, who'd unironically an unsufferable ANTIFA kid who talks about killing white people (dude's 1/8 hispanic), partakes in riots and doesn't know a thing about actual killing.

>>20639524
I repented. I tried talking to my pastor about it, but there is this bad thing about war stories that people just love them too much to see the dark side of it all. And they pity you and make excuses, like you're some fiction protagonist.

War is very hard to tell. We're just too biased towards the storyteller. It reached the point where they said what I did was ok, the psychologist said my grief would 'pass' and it is normal, and my pastor said that I should let God decide and assured me God will be on my side.

>>20639521
Added to the list. Thanks.

>>20639492
You shouldn't. Check yourself. You're an exception, not a rule.

[Anonymous No.20639649]

>>20639383
Very interesting account.
Since you mentioned Alexander, there are a few other books you might enjoy.
One is the Anabasis of Alexander by Arrian, a Greek historian. It tells of the story of Alexander and his conquests and it's so much better than that flick.
Another book is Anabasis - the book from which Arrian took the name for his own - by Xenophon. This is about a bunch of Greek mercenaries in 401 B.C. who get stranded in hostile Persian territory after the Persian warlord who hired them and their own generals all die. They have to walk and fight back to their homeland while suffering all kinds of harassment from locals who are - rightfully - afraid of them.
As for the Korea and Vietnam wars, you'd be surprised on how pointless former combatants also thought them to be.

[Anonymous No.20639658]

>>20639542
Yes, with violence. They were in a foxhole. What are you saying they were innocent of?

[Anonymous No.20639681]

>>20639646
>my pastor said that I should let God decide and assured me God will be on my side.
Terrible.

[Anonymous No.20639689]

>>20639658
>Yes, with violence.
How else are they supposed to defend their homes against a military invasion?

[Anonymous No.20639714]

Jean Lartéguy- The Centurions

[Anonymous No.20639722]

>>20639649
Those are really cool. I'll definitely check Anabasis.

I do love Alexander-related history since I watched the movie. I think I rewatched it ten times after I left deployment because that part where his soldiers are mutinying and confused just feels like your average experience in Afghanistan.

I was stationed when we heard that Bin Laden had been killed in Pakistan (we were constantly told he was hiding in Afghanistan, I beg you not). I remember I was like, "So we leave this place and invade Pakistan now? Because the Al Qaeda is there and it was not the Taleban that attacked us?" Everybody just told me to shut the fuck up and go back to work. All I knew about the afghan war was that it had something to do with finding Bin Laden and terrorists, but we kept wasting time there, even after anyone knew what the point of the whole thing was. We were just there because we were there. That is when the incident with me getting in combat happened. I was already very confused and seeing a teenager I shot dying in front of me while I tried to save his life was just too much. Then getting commended for that only made me more confused.

The average soldier could probably not even answer why we were there anymore at that point.

[Anonymous No.20639786]

>>20638774
>Books about feeling intense guilt and betrayal
Pic related was a fun read.

[Anonymous No.20639789]

Anon, Imagine that day it wasn't him but you, who died, in a landmine or something. Someone who planted that landmine would later probably feel guilty about it too, thinking someone died for it or perhaps they wouldn't. It could be someone who did it for money or someone who did not. It could be that very guy you are talking about. Don't think too much of wether you were the good guy or the other guys were. It shouldn't be that if they died it was a more sorrowful event because they were the right side or it was their homeland or something. That day as as individuals in war you both had equal possibility of losing life. And it happend to be that guy who lost his life that day. You were equal in that sense. There you feel better now? U need a hug anon? Also read storm of steel

[Anonymous No.20639794]

>>20639689
>>20639658
>>20639542
>>20639529
The situation (that I got told of) was somewhat like this. Keep in mind you're barely ever briefed about the importance of what you're going to do, especially if you are below sargeant (fuck you whoever called me out for misspelling, I'm drunk and I call it whatever I want) level:

>front unit had intel that a village received a cargo of IEDs, they were marines
>military is absolutely terrified of IEDs and for good reason (it is fucking devastating), so much that the way we avoid them is still classified ten years later
>these marines in particular had a beef with IEDs because of how many personnel they lose to them
>these marines start conducting some aggressive IED patrols around villages and start shit with the locals, like they were 100% sure everyone was a terrorist
>they got so fucking predictable the mujahideen set up a fox hole with sharpshooters and while they were on patrol, pinned them down in the village. Not sure if any marine died, but someone likely got really hurt
>I was moving then to a nearby outpost, I was NEVER meant to get in combat. We were moving to fix shit like we always did
>suddenly there is a charge of course and next thing I know, we're killing the engine and climbing not so steep hills
>out of sheer luck we spot the foxhole from like mile away and sneak behind them
>get close enough for firefight, they are sitting ducks
>we just kill them, whole engagement was like 6 seconds
>no survivors, the boy I shot died in my hands
>we get commended for the whole thing

I don't even think there were IEDs in there, but who the fuck knows. They never tell anything to the soldiers on the ground.

[Anonymous No.20639798]

>>20639689
Innocently

[Anonymous No.20639806]

>>20639722
Anabasis of Alexander is THE definitive historical source on his life. It goes into great detail about how he crossed each river and which general dudebro he did it with etc.

[Anonymous No.20639811]

>>20639789
No way, at least if it was an IED. Bombmakers are usually stone-cold

[Anonymous No.20639819]

>>20639794
Sounds like a black bag job, they just took whoever was handy and didn't tell you all about it.
So how did you avoid IEDs? Beep-beep on the front of the truck?

[Anonymous No.20639826]

>>20638774
OP, at least you retained your humanity.

[Anonymous No.20639848]

>>20639789
I honestly would feel much better knowing I killed someone who was killing for money than someone who was killing for their homeland. The psychologist (curiously) told me the exact thing you are saying, that I need to forget the war, forget why I was there and just focus on the individuals, "who were both there for combat and knew what could happen".

I thank you for trying to help, but this thought is not new to me.

>>20639786
This book.

I was browsing Amazon and I swear I felt sick in my gut and refused to pick it up. I feel like it'd just make me feel even more guilty. But if that is deserved, it is fine. Veterans will actively tell you to avoid reading anything 'through the enemy's perspective'. But our enemies were not the afghani, it was the Al Qaeda, then the Taleban, then whatever.

[Anonymous No.20639880]

>>20639798
That's what he did. Using violence in self defence to defend your home is not damning. You have a juvenile understanding of justice.

[Anonymous No.20639890]

>>20638774
Act II in the Sound in the Fury.
It's a wild, wild ride. It felt like my heart had knives in it from all the secondhand guilt. Poor Quentin was so hard on himself.

[Anonymous No.20639895]

>>20639819
Nice try, FBI.

i'm drunk but I don't want anyone knocking on my door over a 4chan post.

But everything is a black box if you are low rank in the military. I feel even worse for the privates. The mission could be 'Kill Hitler', the only thing they'd be told is a briefing of the gear they'll need to test before setting off.

>>20639826
The fucked up thing is that I did not lose anyone I got close to during the military. We're still friends on Facebook. It feels like everyone is doing better than me. I had a meet up with a buddy who lives a nearby state, got a bit drunk and asked him about that one time he shot and killed a dude.

He just shrugged it off saying it was 'orders'. It is all 'orders, man! What can you do?' with these people. The pretense of the fight for freedom is completely gone, so this is what's left.

I mean, this guy blasted some dude's head open and he's like laughing about it and saying it was just orders. Either I'm a complete faggot (like I've been called IRL and here), or your average citizen is a deranged lunatic that will do whatever they are told 'if it just orders'. Dude's not a psychopath or anything, but he can murder and live with it like it was a craigslist gig.

[Anonymous No.20639898]

>>20639880
What would Jesus have done?

[Anonymous No.20639901]

>>20639848
iirc it doesn't really shit on Burger Force too much, rather how the entire situation was a shit show due to Afghani tribal culture being incompatible with anything other than religious totalitarianism. I'm keen to read Tim Kennedy's latest book about the withdraw because I'd wager a lot of the people written about in "No Good Men Amongst the Living" like the female journalists got revenge killed last year.

[Anonymous No.20639905]

>>20639895
I'm not FBI. They wouldn't knock on your door anyway. Too scared of IEDs

[Anonymous No.20639918]

>>20639722
Yeah 2001 invasion had a real basis - internationally recognized governments should not be sheltering anti-us insurgents. That basis was fueled by hubris though - we really overextended ourselves. People wanted revenge for 9/11, and people wanted to test the potency of American Power in a world where the US had no real rival.

Pakistan is a strange country - because the military, civilian governments and intelligence agencies do not work in concert at all. On paper the Pakistani civilian government was helping us but ISI/pakistani military were playing their own game and funding the Taliban and sheltering Bin Laden.

[Anonymous No.20639936]

>>20639918
The Afghan-Pakistan border, the Durand line, isn't really a border at all. Everything around there is completely tribal. It's basically a continuum of tribal warrior castes all the way from Iran to India

[Anonymous No.20639957]

>>20639901
Urban folks definitely have a reason to fear for their lives, especially if they engaged with us a lot like the local armed forces, prostitutes and public officials. I don't know about Anand Gopal because I haven't read her book. But if she is 1% apologetic about the americans, she is fucked.

As I was saying, the difference between the Taleban / Mujahideen (mostly northern and pastorial) and the urban folk in Afghanistan (southern and agricultural, urbanized) is like the difference between inner city conservative americans x urban americans times 100. The northern afghani villages will remind you of those from Alexander, I kid you not. It is a much less pragmatic and much more value-based society. Urban americans could be bothered, but they'd not mind if the United Nations seized the USA for some higher moral purpose. Meanwhile rural conservative folks would fight like mad and make the Taleban proud.

The Taleban is definitely out for blood for everyone who was helping us harrass them.

The entire US occupation in the big cities will end up being a huge honey pot for the Taleban to know who they have to kill. It kind of breaks my heart, but you are right.

[Anonymous No.20639956]

>>20639646
Make your brother read it then

[Anonymous No.20640002]

>>20639936
This is the type of shit we are not told before we deploy.

It feels like a step back from WW2 where the soldiers at least had some propaganda movie. We weren't told shit about how exactly disjointed the place we were going to be spending years of our lives was. We were supposed to find Bin Laden there and everyone knew who was Bin Laden. "So war, fuck yeah!" But the geography is so fucked and the whole society is so disjointed that it knows sounds completely stupid that we thought that place could become a liberal democracy paradise.

The first time I went to northern Afghanistan I got shivers because it felt like I was stepping in like a historical movie set. It was like 'these people don't have washing machines or recognize the capital's puppet government, but they have IEDs, modern weapons, Allah and they hate your guts. Good luck.'

[Anonymous No.20640011]

>>20640002
Sounds like Kentucky. I guess uninvadable is uninvadable

[Anonymous No.20640062]

>>20639898
We are not Jesus. Being like Jesus is being a saint. That man was not trying to be a saint, he was defending his home which is in accordance to justice across all laws and cultures. You don't have to be exactly like Christ to be innocent because no one can be like Him. You're setting an impossible standard of innocence just so you can claim no one is innocent and deserves to be killed.

[Anonymous No.20640065]

>>20640062
No way man, we're supposed to be as much like him as possible. That was his whole message. "Follow me."

[Anonymous No.20640081]

>>20639895
Unfortunately I think a lot of people, once the facade of the morality of civilisation is stripped away, are genuine killers. It probably doesn't take a lot for the average person to get used to killing, maybe even enjoying it.

Soldiers have raped and killed for millenia, and these types of people still exist today. Many people lack the introspection to comprehend the evil they do, and so they shrug it off. You're luck in that you're not one of them, but it also means you have to live with the guilt that having a moving conscience produces.

[Anonymous No.20640095]

>>20639895
>Dude's not a psychopath or anything, but he can murder and live with it like it was a craigslist gig.
You realize the larger implications. And that's the difference between the two of you. They might even realize it too but try to shrug it off because it would hurt to think about.
You realize the sanctity and sacredness of life like the Catholic Church teaches about. You look at someone else and know that they can experience the same great experiences of life that you have, and you generally want that for others.

The other people you're talking don't think about those things to the extent you do. And perhaps it is survival instincts of man kicking in. That doesn't mean that you're a fag tho OP. And like you said, that doesn't necessarily mean they're psychopaths.

I don't know a book about this exactly. But the way you are kinda reminds me of the guy from that book/movie Metropolis. It was both a book and a film made in the 1920s. The abuse of fellow man was eating him up as he lived a great life.

[Anonymous No.20640100]

>>20640081
You're way off, 99% of people aren't naturally killers. Raping and killing, especially in war, is much easier than just killing.

[Anonymous No.20640105]

Retard, imagine not tapping the bodies as you took the position, hope you had fun doing useless first aid for 30 minutes

[Anonymous No.20640109]

>>20638782
You sound like a fag

[Anonymous No.20640116]

>I killed innocent people and ruined their country
Mission accomplished Kid

[Anonymous No.20640117]

>>20639564
Shit book by a faggot academic trying to legitimise his view and project it on others with terrible “stats and facts”

[Anonymous No.20640134]

Israel thanks you for your service

[Anonymous No.20640139]

>>20640134
You mean judeo christian values and western civilization. Every dead non-white is a mission accomplished for the sake of this goal.

[Anonymous No.20640151]

>>20640139
No
I mean israel and jews

[Anonymous No.20640159]

>>20639880
Justice is juvenile

[Anonymous No.20640162]

>>20640151
Dead afghanis benefit america, europe and Israel.

[Anonymous No.20640164]

>>20638774
Blood meridian
Your alienation from the violence that others seem to ply without pity is similar to the kids situation. I'm surprised it hasn't been mentioned.

[Anonymous No.20640170]

>>20640162
how do dead afghans benefit america?

[Anonymous No.20640209]

>>20640170
If america kills and destroys other countries, it becomes stronger on the world stage.

[Anonymous No.20640216]

>>20640209
you can’t kill a country and what do you mean by stronger?

[Anonymous No.20640260]

>>20638782
Fuck off you shit tier demon

[Anonymous No.20640272]

>>20640260
> demon
Christcuck?

[Anonymous No.20640281]

>>20638774
Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk

[Anonymous No.20640300]

op if u never killed that dude u might still feel like shit on a different timeline. my uncle was in vietnam but he worked in a mailroom or some shit, never saw action. came home and became an alcoholic and even after doing a degree with the gi bill or whatever he spend his life changing bed sheets at the va hospital out of some kind of weird guilt for all the dudes who went out and got fucked up.

[Anonymous No.20640304]

Right, wrong, I can't judge that's between you and your Creator. Best you cab do now is realize the capacity of man for destruction and fight like hell to prevent those who wouldn't from doing so.

If you're still in the US, we need, now as ever, men who would die for what us right. This government is no longer WE THE PEOPLE and I'm not saying violence is the answer, defiance is. And perhaps, just as this nation was formed, defiance may once again turn to violence.

But right now, today, you can ask Christ to forgive you, accept yourself and use all the guilt and shame you feel to push back against the evil that would send a money desperate man like yourself over seas to kill kids who just want to defend their homes.

[Anonymous No.20640332]

>>20640304
We need men who are willing to fight for the freedoms of Taiwan.

[Anonymous No.20640345]

>>20638774
Would American anons support their military more if they were blatantly obvious about imperialistic intentions?

[Anonymous No.20640351]

>>20638782
Scum tier human

[Anonymous No.20640598]

I wish I was that skellington

[Anonymous No.20640670]

>>20638774
Lolita's right up your alley man. You won't relate to the "its so bad but its so good" mentality H.H. has, but you'll definitely relate to the guilt of harming little kids

[Anonymous No.20640678]

>>20640345
No, because the whole point of America, her government and the American nation, was to reject imperialism

[Anonymous No.20641243]

>>20639560
>I don't know much about italians and europeans serving in general in Afghanistan.
Neither do I. I know some of our "military police" (carabinieri - they are mostly in the streets doing normal police job, but being technically military, some go in military missions as well - probably not the same you meet in the streets though) died in a bombing Nassiryia back then.

>I personally don't know of anyone getting addicted opium while there.
But did they try it at least?

>
The other attitude (which you don't describe in your book), is just the indifferent one. You'd be surprised at how many in the military don't bother having an opinion about anything. I find these the scarier, because they do whatever they are told and they outrank you 9/10

Very interesting, thanks anon.

[Anonymous No.20641249]

>>20639602
Thanks for your opinion
I have to go now, hope the thread will still be up later

[Anonymous No.20641254]

>>20640670

[Anonymous No.20641308]

>>20638782
Have you killed anybody?

[Anonymous No.20641309]

>>20638782
amerishit

[Anonymous No.20641330]

>>20638782

[Anonymous No.20641332]

God says not to feel anxious. You can't change the past. The best thing you can do now is to get back on the right path.

[Anonymous No.20641354]

>>20638774
You need to take some mdma anon

[Anonymous No.20641363]

>>20638774
>colonizing a desert people for ressources and cash money
>being trained to kill, but hesitant
>feeling betrayed by everyone including yourself
sounds like Frank Herbert's Dune, OP. read Dune.

[Anonymous No.20641424]

>>20638774
No refunds, zogbot.

[Anonymous No.20641508]

>>20639895
your friend sounds like a faggot and a pussy.

[Anonymous No.20641598]

>>20640065
So your philosophy is that no one is innocent, so what's the point of saying one should remain innocent?

[Anonymous No.20641826]

>>20639901
Tim Kennedy is an attention whore and he emdangered people with his stunts during the Kabul airport situation last year, don't bother giving him money.

[Anonymous No.20641848]

>>20638774
You didn't know then. You know now.

[Anonymous No.20641864]

>>20638774
Crime and punishment

[Anonymous No.20641977]

>>20638782
>You sound like a gigantic pussy.

[Anonymous No.20641993]

>>20638846
read the iliad.

[Anonymous No.20642162]

>>20640345
Yes

[Anonymous No.20642177]

>>20638774
i'm not reading all that. happy for you or sorry that it happened

[Anonymous No.20642183]

>>20638782
fpbp and very based
>>20638774
>TLDR
ussa big pussy and goyed into murder

[Anonymous No.20642185]

>>20638774
>sargeant
Confirmed retard that would kill a brown for money

[Anonymous No.20642191]

>>20638840
Crime & Punishment wouldn't really work. Raskolinkov got punished because his killing went against the system.
Meanwhile, OP got applauded for his killing by the system

[Anonymous No.20642206]

>>20638774
>xyz personal attention seeking anecdote
>any books for this feel?
this is an off topic thread. you're an attention seeking cunt, alleviate your guilt elsewhere.

[Anonymous No.20642265]

>>20638774
You let him suffer for longer for no reason when you could have ended him quickly.
Shame on yourself.

[Anonymous No.20642283]

>>20642265

You're literally not allowed to do that in the military.

[Anonymous No.20642289]

>>20640134

This.

USA is Spongebob. Israel is Plankton inside his head controlling his brain.

[Anonymous No.20642295]

>>20640170

Israel can expand if more Afghans die.

[Anonymous No.20642330]

>>20638774
This is going to sound like a retarded weeby suggestion, but you should try reading the visual novel Full Metal Daemon Muramasa. Its themes center heavily around murder and guilt.