[ 3 / biz / cgl / ck / diy / fa / ic / jp / lit / sci / vr / vt ] [ index / top / reports ] [ become a patron ] [ status ]
2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/lit/ - Literature

View post   
File: 88 KB, 498x416, 1567495072688.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
20464336 No.20464336 [Reply] [Original]

Hey guys just wrote this poem on my lunchbreak at work, id love some feedback :)

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know, you're alive

>> No.20464339

>>20464336
Stupid frogposter

>> No.20464366

>>20464339
im not stupid frien

>> No.20464542

>>20464336
This is not a poem. There is no metric, no rhyme, no prosody. You wrote a stupid text, pressed enter a couple times, and called it a poem.

>> No.20464599

>>20464542
>no rhyme
'how' & 'now'
'lies' & alive'
>metric
4/4
>prosody
subjective

>> No.20464642

>>20464599
You didn’t write it in iambic pentameter, try again.

>> No.20464753

Goo Goo Dolls. Reminder to report OP for low quality threads.

>> No.20464778

>>20464336
Stupid frogposter

>> No.20464827

>>20464642

Muh pentameter! Go back to red dit you cuck.

>>20464336

The poem is shit, but the idea is there, you just have to rewrite it a few more times.
Read it a loud about five times, then start your editing process.