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/lit/ - Literature

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20430185 No.20430185 [Reply] [Original]

I pitched my novel to agents as a chinese woman. But im white as FUCK. They want to represent me. Problem is they want to meet me on video chat first. WTF do I do. This is my only chance.

>> No.20430191

tape your eyelids so they're slits

>> No.20430192

You know how easy it is to buy a chinaman? I'll sell you mine right now

>> No.20430195

>>20430185
Filter + Voice Changer

>> No.20430198
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20430198

>>20430191
This, and begin the call with OHH HERROO

>> No.20430217

>>20430192
Go on fiver or on the street and find some chinese lady to represent you in the call. Give her the info she needs maybe stnd behind the camera and on a board what she needs to say like in the movies lol. I guess it could work

>> No.20430228

>>20430185
Tell them you're white-to-asian transracial.

>> No.20430241

>>20430228
No no no then you're evil, tell them you're asian-to-white transracial. If they question it you can legally sue them.

>> No.20430270
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20430270

>>20430185
There's no way this is real bros. If it is, you must somehow outjew the jew

>> No.20430279

>>20430185
tell them you are autistic, that's the only thing that you didn't lie about

>> No.20430294

>>20430185
you're fucked lol

>> No.20430297

>>20430185
Tell them you don't have a webcam but you're eager to talk to them on the phone

>> No.20430301

>>20430185
tell them you're her representative, because she's a recluse.

>> No.20430311

>>20430301
do this, have it just spiral deeper and deeper out of control, then write a novel about that instead of whatever shit you just wrote. get featured on some reactionary right wing youtube channel because "YOU CAN'T EVEN PUBLISH BOOKS AS A WHITE MALE ANYMORE!" and earn millions

>> No.20430316

Open bob

>> No.20430321

>>20430217
Has to be a trustworthy Chinawoman then, given that they might raise a bit of a brow when the payments don't go to Ms. Chihau Wuan-Bing but instead Mr Kyle Dunceford.

>> No.20430360

>>20430185
Tell them via email you won't be able to make it or would prefer to stay anonymous but your white male agent will be representing you

>> No.20430383

>>20430185
What are you going to do when you have to file taxes?

>> No.20430391

>>20430321
Say you're her manager and the payment lands in your account.

>> No.20430396

>>20430321
OP can just claim he's doing it for his asian wife

>> No.20430397

>>20430185
>I am trans and zoom calls cause me dysphoria

>> No.20430487

>>20430185
Absolutely fucking based. Hire one off fiverr. Put up the job immediately. Hire an actress either.

>> No.20430513

>>20430185
Record the meeting and then expose them for wanting to publish you based solely on the fact that you are a chinese woman.

>> No.20430514

>>20430396
>lies just go deeper and deeper
>so, manager anon, when can we see your wife?
>fuck
>FUCK
>its all crashing down now
>find random asian woman on the street
>"oki mista anon i do da acta job bing bong"
>book is a riveting success
>mrs cheng becomes the face of a nation
>"i liketa wite da buk"
>NYT: The Remarkable Success Story of Xin Cheng, The Chinese-American Immigrant
>she keeps demanding more money
>"I DOA THIS FO YU BUT YOU NO GIV ME DA MONEY"
>demands 50%
>demands 75%
>demands 90%
>literally findommed by a chink
>nobody knows you even exist
>get woke go broke

>> No.20430519

>>20430514
OP becomes his own ghost writer...

>> No.20430522

>>20430514
>Replace the chink like Bobby Draper every few months
>New chinks look nothing like the others
>Nobody notices anyway

>> No.20430532

Everyone is losing sight of the fact these are agents and not a publisher. So everyone saying OP just pretend to be her white agent/manager are retarded, BECAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY WHO OP IS MEETING WITH.

You also can't expose them for discrimination because as an agent they can discriminate against you based on race/gender/nationality. They won't get in any trouble, but you sure as hell can document all your interactions with them, including recording this meeting, and basically smear their name on the internet for their discriminatory policies. They won't be able to sue you because it will all be documented.

>> No.20430670

>>20430514
OP wanted an asian wife anyway

>> No.20430677

>>20430532
white incel males love asian women. OP should just marry some asian slut from thailand and write books in her name

>> No.20430752

>>20430228
This is the answer. Throw some blue in your hair just in case.

>> No.20431104

>>20430185

Go to your nearest Asian massage parlor, and talk one of the girls there into posing as you for the meeting in exchange for an upfront fee and a cut of the profits. And preferably find one who's actually Chinese.

Honestly, you should've done this beforehand. But better late than never, assuming you can find the right girl in time.

>> No.20431116

>>20430185
Say your camera doesn’t work

>> No.20431121

>>20430185
This is like a movie plot

>> No.20431288

>>20430185
Tell them you have 'camera shyness' (or scopophobia) and that they're bigots if they insist.

>> No.20431305

>>20430185
camera filter
make sure the resolution is low so it just looks like a shitty webcam

>> No.20431332

>>20430185
I'd honestly just own up to it. Your best bet is just telling the truth that your intentions were never to publish as an Asian woman as that's wrong but you also heard that it's easier to get an agent as one.

How much did you lie?

>> No.20431345

>>20431332
I'd frame it as a desperation play that you saw a dumb article and were like "I figured what the hell." Unfortunately the agents are probs women and they're sensitive to this type of thing

>> No.20431352

>>20430185
Just say your Jewish next time, they're Mutts so anyone can pull it off.

>> No.20431387

>>20430185
Do you have any Chinese friends that could help you out?

>> No.20431450

>>20430185
all of these replies and no anons seem to be aware of j.t.leroy

>> No.20431541

>>20430185
start by getting a spray tan. at the very least that would confuse them as to your whiteness. In this day and age you can pretty much be whoever you want anyways. I at least hope you weren't lying about being a woman lel

>> No.20432027

>>20431541
Do this, dye your hair black, squint your eyes, and maybe you can pass as a tranny hapa.

>> No.20432038

>>20430185
I don't believe you.

>> No.20432061

>>20430217
>>20431104
Do this and record every single emotion you feel. After this whole thing shakes up and lands however it does, write another novel on the experience, either a memoir or a fictitious retelling. If you're more of an analytical sort do the former, it might be useful to historians in the future who want to understand the political climate from the perspective of a white guy

>> No.20432067

Get one of those super realistic rubber mask that make you look like a asian women if you know any place you can get them. But most likely you don't so just pay an asian and write down stuff for her to speak. Btw anon good job for being so smart i will have you in my thoughts

>> No.20432068

They won't fall for the same trick twice, Yi-Fen Chou.

>> No.20432070

>>20430191
>>20430198
Stupid but I laughed

>> No.20432085

>>20431332
Do you not understand why he lied about being an asian women? Son of a jewess

>> No.20432105

Just tell them you wanted to protect your identity, OP.

>> No.20432473

>>20432061

I completely agree. It's basically a victimless crime, and'd make an interesting story once it's over.

>> No.20433426

>>20430185
Gonna have to pull some reverse C.J. Cherryh shit with the publishers then wont you.

>> No.20434075

Just pretend to be a chinese-american woman, it's not hard. Put on makeup to make you look a bit asian and fake your accent. The only issue is if they get suspicious and ask if you know chinese, but you can just say you were brought up in America.

>> No.20434331

>>20430297
yes, the phone that has multiple cameras on it...

>> No.20434565

>>20430279
This is unironically the best choice for you to do. Dye your hair a bright colour as well, maybe green

>> No.20434889

>>20434331
>ummm I'm a BIPOC and you think I can afford the data it will cost me to livestream myself over an app??? No thanks. My phone plan covers cell phone calls though because IT IS A CELL PHONE. How about instead of being white-centric racists you just let me exist as BIPOC???

>> No.20435717

>>20430185
write a new book about how fucking stupid you are

>> No.20436098

Just show up as who you are but insist that you're an asian female. It would be funny.

>> No.20436121

Is OP an actual woman at least? Get a good make up done and insist on having some Chinese ancestry.

>> No.20437027

>>20434331
Landline

>> No.20437090

Say you're afraid your family and friends in China will suffer if you conduct business in your real name, on camera, or in person, because actually all your fiction is an allegorical critique of the CCP.
It's foolproof.

>> No.20437143

>>20430185
Get a wig with a weird hair color, get a fake tan, adopt tranny manerisms, put on heavy makeup and downgrade your camera quality to 360p (It's easy to do on OBS studio). If you still don't pass just bog your face with temporary tattoos and fake piercings. Just try to look like a happa tranny.

>> No.20437202

>>20437090
This is actually genius.
>I'm Ching Lee's representative, alias Gweilo Jones

>> No.20437373

>>20430185
Well, time to write about the story of how you got disfigured, which is why you're so reluctant to use the camera.

>> No.20437406

>>20430321
wtf how do you know my name??

>> No.20437420

>>20430185
Tell them it was just a pseudonym.

>> No.20437820

>>20430185
use tape on your eyes

>> No.20437828

>>20432070
Me too

>> No.20437829

>>20430185
Tell them you’re afraid of CHICOM and will not hazard facial detection software

>> No.20437838

Tell them you just got a vampire facial and do not be surprised when they say they understand

>> No.20438222

>>20430185
I am sure there is some prehistoric chinese gene in your veins. Just go with that.

>> No.20438735

>>20430185
Anything that you do after this to try to fix will just make your life into a cartoon. Read some of the solutions to your problem here. They are nonsense!

>> No.20440215

>>20430185
just tell them you identify as chinese
if by any chance they reject you, simply threaten to sue them
publish some shit on facebook and insta, get mob of angry followers
ez