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/lit/ - Literature

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[ERROR] No.2029024 [Reply] [Original]

Hey Guys, Lets share eachothers litereary works! Alright, lets also critique eachothers work! tell me how this sounds:
I had rented the beach house on recommendation of a previous partner of mine, who told me to get away from this little old town which makes me sick and cold and uncomfortable in an o so bad way. This little town, grime be marked walls and scum and shit and piss on the streets, had made me incapable of emotion in some way or another. If I saw a happy person who said hello to me on the street, I wouldn’t treat them rudely I just wouldn’t respond one way or another. It must have been this city that made me this way. As a kid growing up, I had been happy, I suppose. I had friends, known girls and guys, and even had made love to a number of them. That was twenty years ago now. I had applied to several colleges, and made it into my school of choice. After a semester I dropped out, for reasons I don’t really feel like getting into. I had bought a little coldwater flat far away from anyone I knew, and rented with a short little fag, who me and he we got along real fine. I guess you could call him my first love. Anyways this partner of mine told me I should get away and that’s what I did, we had started fighting eachother real bad I that’s when I guessed real true love just wasn’t for me. I guess I felt that I knew then I was dying, emotionally anyways. I guess I was always dyinhg. I decided the beach, one week in late November. I bought an eight ball of heroin, stole my parents car, and with the clothes on my back, and fifty dollars in my pocket, drove south, to the land of sunken ships and barrier islands, and landscapes painted with a grey pallet.

How does it sound? too cliche beat generation- esque or just bad, or whatever? Its about a man battling depression.

>> No.2029031

bump

>> No.2029037

I'm sorry OP, but it's just not very good. Go read Nabokov and do what he does.

>> No.2029043

>>2029037
ha, i understand, i really haven't really wrote much literature. Thanks though, man.

>> No.2029045

bump, someone else must have something.

>> No.2029101

bump
i dont have much right now

>> No.2029141

Where I above becomes out from.
----------
Instruments idle as I peer at my watch. It is the portion of the endless night I call bedtime. I check all the panels, dials, displays, and systems. Everything is utterly normal. Flipping off the cabin lights, I sigh. The slightly metallic taste of recycled air lingers in the back of my throat. Grasping the bulkhead, I push off gently. I am propelled from the stark white interior of the cabin, to the cool gray and blue walls of the sleeping area. Secure, I recheck everything from my pda, and lie down...up, sideways, upsidedown. Sleep is as elusive as something not very elusive. A dead elephant perhaps? I dream of hills.

Know doubt needs work, and any input would be valued.

>> No.2029178

Mine : http://landonrode.tumblr.com/post/8709354393/writing-contest-entry-7

>>2029024
I see what you're doing here. I've done the same thing before, a really 'slippery' style to reflect a shaky, emotionally unstable character. But the problem I had is the one you have too, neither of us have enough experience and understanding of the format of writing. Only when you know it really well can you begin to twist it in interesting ways, because you know why everything works effectively when done 'right'. You need to have a firm basis/background understanding in standard stuff before you can make it complex and fresh. Well, you don't NEED to, but it's way easier to tell you're a novice when you, as an amateur, tackle difficult things like turning the entire foundation of writing on it's head. Start punching the little rocks before you try to crack a big boulder.

Besides that, I really like the last sentence. Although it could use some splitting up into smaller sentences, and maybe some reformatting.

>>2029141
Eh. It's written well, but I'm not fond of what you're doing. If something is absurd, I still need it to have a meaning; even if the meaning is just to be absurd. If the latter is the case, though as per above: I'm looking for something where it's clear the writer has a good perspective on what they're doing, and how they're doing what they're doing. Not just copying things they've seen others do without fully getting it.

>> No.2029190

>>2029178
Oh, hey, it's you! I follow you! I must say, you are my favorite blogger in existence. I love reading your updates, and I aspire to someday be as good a writer as you are.

>> No.2029210
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[ERROR]

>>2029190
Shit, thanks.

>> No.2029243

>>2029178

Im the second one. Do you think if I kept working with it a meaning might materialize? Or should I give it up, and start something new with a clear goal in mind?

>> No.2029255 [DELETED] 

>>2029243
I definitely think a meaning can materialize. Especially since the human brain usually makes meaning exactly by attaching meaning to things without any.

I'm sure there are other viewpoints to art that disagree, but I definitely think you can find meaning along the way. I've done it before, with some of my favorite stuff.

Lately I do start with a clear goal in mind, though. It makes me feel safer, I don't want to risk lost effort, and if I hit a good enough goal I usually know I'll go through and finish it.

Not every method works for everyone, but I don't see why you can't discover something good if you keep writing, and if you don't hit gold, you'll just end up with verification you can't that way and should start with a goal. So go for it, it's a learning experience.

>> No.2029258

>>2029243
I definitely think a meaning can materialize. Especially since the human brain usually makes meaning exactly by attaching meaning to things without any.

I'm sure there are other viewpoints to art that disagree, but I definitely think you can find meaning along the way. I've done it before, with some of my favorite stuff.

Lately I do start with a clear goal in mind, though. It makes me feel safer, I don't want to risk lost effort, and if I hit a good enough goal I usually know I'll go through and finish it.

Not every method works for everyone, but I don't see why you can't discover something good if you keep writing. If you don't hit gold, you'll just end up with verification you can't write that way and that you should start with a goal instead. So go for it, it's a learning experience.

>> No.2029309 [DELETED] 

>>2029258
Oh, and if you do find a meaning, make sure that you go back and change things so that it all fits. I got writing advice once that everything should be written with the meaning in mind, and that's how you know what should be cut. So, consider that.

>> No.2029316

>>2029258
Oh, and if you do find a meaning, make sure that you go back and change things so that it all fits. I got writing advice once that everything should be written with the meaning in mind, and that's how you know what should be cut: things that don't connect to or illuminate the meaning.