/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.2022790]

Lulzworthy Teacher moments thread.

I'll start:

>Be in psychology class
>Teacher starts talking about the "Hippocampus" part of the brain.
>Tells us story to help us remember the Hippocampus
>"Imagine you're looking out the window, and you see a Hippo. You'd say to yourself "That's strange, what is that Hippo doing on Campus?"
>Student body participates in collective groan.

[Anonymous No.2022797]

>Sociology.
>"It really helps to create an atmosphere of fear...an atmosfear, if you will."

[Anonymous No.2022812]

You don't know shit about puns until you've spent time with a group of geologists.

[Gozer !!PJZO93aXoUv No.2022814]

>>2022812
Geology rocks, dude.

[Anonymous No.2022815]

>>2022814
Imagine this post x10000.
Also, yes, yes it does.

[Anonymous No.2022816]

>>2022814
It is sort of a hard subject, though.

[Anonymous No.2022823]

>>2022816

Yes, but it is rather metamorphic to the students who mine it for insight.

[Anonymous No.2022824]

>>2022814
>>2022816
These puns are clastic!

[Anonymous No.2022828]

>>2022816
Not if you dig it.

[Gozer !!PJZO93aXoUv No.2022833]

>>2022828
>>2022824
>>2022816
>>2022823

[Anonymous No.2022839]

>>2022790
PROTIP: Your teacher thinks you're all morons.

[Anonymous No.2022840]

>>2022812
Honestly, I tend to think most geologists are magnalomaniacs.

[Anonymous No.2022855]

I took a geology course with a lab last semester. I thought I'd be familiar with most of the subject matter already (my dad is a geologist) but I wasn't ready for the landslide of new information.

[Anonymous No.2022856]

>>2022840

They're just a little boulder than most people.

[Anonymous No.2022862]

>>2022840
FIVE STARS

[Anonymous No.2022863]

>>2022790
Completely off-topic post here, but this initial story really made me wonder whether or not there was, in fact, a school with the humble hippo as it's mascot. There is one in Texas. The Hutto High Hippos.

That concludes this interlude, and we now return you to your regularly scheduled thread.

[SillyNymphet No.2022873]

>Be in 7th grade English class
>We start discussing what is legal and illegal in countries that is or isn't in America.
>Come to the topics of prostitution and weed legalization.
>This goes on for around 45minutes.

[Anonymous No.2022952]

If I had a Hippo I'd name it Helga.

[Anonymous No.2022956]

Physics teacher
Imagine James Bond is punching a bad guy.
Well, James Bond is actually accelerating his face.

[Anonymous No.2024111]

>>2022952
If I had a hippo, I would name him Louis, and we would be the best of friends.

[Anonymous No.2024126]

>In English Lit course
>Teacher thinks authorial intent matters.

[Anonymous No.2024138]

>>2024126
>implying it doesn't

[Anonymous No.2024139]

>Freshman English Comp
>Small Indian woman as professor
>She's talking about being expression in writing
>All of a sudden for some reason i don't know what the fuck. she screams:
>"EJACULATIONS!!!!!!!"
>I hide under my desk and cry

[Anonymous No.2024147]

>Be in english class
>teacher talks about how she wrote "frag" on a student's paper while correcting it (short for fragment).
>"then she asks me 'what's this frog doing on my paper?'."
>class is completely silent
>"Oh...I thought you guys would think that was funny."
>Nobody is laughing because we all hate you.

[Anonymous No.2024153]

>>2024139

[Anonymous No.2024154]

>high school biology class
>school is asking kids to donate food for cats and dogs for the nearest animal shelters
>for some reason or another some of the food is being stored in my biology classroom
>teachers turns to us before class begins and with a completely serious face says, "you know, if we got stuck in here we could eat some of the canned food in the back there"

[Anonymous No.2024156]

>>2024126

In what way?

[Anonymous No.2024157]

>In Psych 101.
>Teacher is talking about how on the east coast sometimes homeless people die from the extreme cold.
>"And you'll be walking through the park, and you'll just see them there, like a frozen corpsical."
>I burst out laughing for half a second.
>No one else laughs.

[Anonymous No.2024163]

>>2024154
What's the funny part, is it that people are giving food to cats and dogs instead of homeless people?

[Anonymous No.2024179]

>>2024157
I laughed so hard

[Anonymous No.2024184]

>>2024157
That feel...

>Watching the Holocaust scene from Band of Brothers in History class
>High as fuck
>American GI projectile vomits
>Bust out laughing.
>Everyone's face when

[Anonymous No.2024187]

>English 1A freshman year
>Fossilized old woman professor
>Write a decent paper (can't remember subject)
>Use the term ennui
>Receive paper back
>Ennui is underline with a question mark
>mfw she didn't know it, and didn't look it up
>State college...

[Anonymous No.2024190]

>English class
>Teacher always brings up phallic references.
>We're discussing a passage from Day of the Locust.
>Teacher is reading
>"And Homer looked down at the Lizard. It was a small western fence lizard; about 6 inches long.
>"So, kind of like a penis...but smaller."

[Anonymous No.2024847]

>Studying Othello
>Teacher starts explains how it is still relevant 400 years later by making racist jokes
>This gem: "what's the difference between a black person and bench? A bench can support a family"

[Anonymous No.2024848]

>>2024847
derp starts *explaining

[Anonymous No.2024852]

>>2024847
;_;

That's really mean.

[Anonymous No.2024854]

>>2024187
That's unacceptable for an English teacher to not know seeing as ennui has been a major theme of western literature for quite a while now...

[Anonymous No.2024861]

>Freshman biology in High School
>Teacher explains that the more poisonous a mushroom the better it tastes
>I say "I wonder how many scientists it took to figure that out
>Her face when

>Reading Macbeth in Junior English
>Drunken Porter says "Marry, sir, nose-painting, sleep, and urine. Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes; it provokes the desire, but it takes
away the performance: therefore, much drink
may be said to be an equivocator with lechery:
it makes him, and it mars him; it sets
him on, and it takes him off; it persuades him,
and disheartens him; makes him stand to, and
not stand to; in conclusion, equivocates him
in a sleep, and, giving him the lie, leaves him."
>I burst out laughing. Everyone else is silent
>Teacher says "I was hoping nobody would get it". She frowns and starts reading again

[Ludwig !9CUY39dDYo No.2024876]

>8th grade english
>Read Frost's "The Road Not Taken"
>Teacher: "So basically, the premise of the poem is some guy is sitting at a bar, yelling at any young person within earshot, saying 'Yea, I took that path and it ruined my goddamn life, sonny'."
>I still to this day do not know why he disliked Frost so much.

[Anonymous No.2024879]

>Hand in small assignment
>Come to next class.
>Teacher turns off the light, puts a transparency of my assignment up for everyone to see
>She says, "This is an example of what I'm looking for. I won't tell you which of your classmates wrote it (as she turns and smiles at me) but he's doing good work right now"

[Anonymous No.2024883]

>>2024876
And he's not even right. The poem is Frost having a laugh at how others pride themselves so on their individualism. FFS, the speaker repeatedly states both paths were more or less identical.

[Anonymous No.2024886]

>crazy black teacher
>english
>bullshit paper
>teacher has me meet him in office hours
>red pen, red pen everywhere
>"This paper is an abortion. We'll never speak of it again. You will bring me a revision in three days."
>ohshit

[Ludwig !9CUY39dDYo No.2024888]

>>2024883
He really didn't like Frost.

[Ludwig !9CUY39dDYo No.2024892]

>>2024886
No one ever calls my papers abortions...

[Anonymous No.2024894]

>>2024883

No it isn't. Jesus man, Frost is VERY CLEAR on what this shitfully simple poem is about. The teacher was more right than your hipster bullshit.

[Anonymous No.2024898]

>>2024879
Same thing happened to me, except in 6th grade, and the teacher read a 4 page-long story about a water molecule going through the entire water-cycle. She enjoyed it a lot, but everyone was bored to tears, including me, for half of class.

[Anonymous No.2024901]

>8th grade English
>Everyone talking about looking forward to high school
>Teacher says, "Yeah, I didn't have any friends in high school until I got these bad boys."
>She grabs and lifts her huge, saggy breasts.
>everybody laughs
>I get a rock hard erection

I'm a sophomore in college and I still think about fucking her when I jack off.

[Anonymous No.2024902]

>>2024894
"You have to be careful of that one; it's a tricky poem – very tricky."

Clear as shit, yeah.

[Anonymous No.2024903]

>>2024901
view at your own risk

[Anonymous No.2024907]

>>2024903

HHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGG

[Anonymous No.2024909]

WOW, YOU SPEND MONEY ON THIS 'EDUCATION'?

[Anonymous No.2024911]

>>2024184
>going to class high
I think you might be the worst kind of person.

[Anonymous No.2024913]

>>2024902
Thank you, anon. It always cracks me up when some dead poets society fuck cites it as a nonconformist hymn. It's also a good litmus test for distinguishing between those who are literate and those who can read.

[Anonymous No.2024922]

>>2024861
Explain how that's funny

[Anonymous No.2024929]

>Talking to Ethics and religious studies teacher in 8th grade near school exit with friend
>Another friend out of nowhere pops up
>Teacher is German
>Kid is Polish and yells at me and my friend "Yeah! You Fucking JEW!"
>Not realizing the teacher was there...
>Awkward moment

[Anonymous No.2024936]

>maths teacher is called Dr.Boner
>physics teacher is a strange foreigner
>explaining spring constant
>longwinded. nobody is listening
>suddenly: "for instance, this piece of gum has a low spring constant. Dr.Boner has a high spring constant."

[Anonymous No.2024937]

>>2024929
>be jewish
>live in germany
>get reprimanded for antisemitism

[Anonymous No.2024940]

>>2024922
Hope this helps, anon.

[Anonymous No.2024980]

>>2024922

alcohol makes your horny but you can't get it up. har har.

[Anonymous No.2025000]

>8th grade
>Teacher telling the class how its okay to stand on someones beachfront and tell the owner they don't own the water when they come out and start complaining.
>MFW
Liberal teachers are the worst

[Anonymous No.2025002]

>>2024922
Whiskey dick.

>>2024980
Maybe he can't.

[Anonymous No.2025016]

USUALLY BY THE TIME I GET BACK TO WHEREVER THE FUCKING HAPPENS I HAVE SOBERED UP ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO FUCK WELL

BUT THEN THERE'S THE TIMES WHERE I'VE FALLEN ASLEEP HALFWAY THROUGH ONLY TO WAKE UP FRESH AND WAKE HER UP SINCE I AM HORNY

OHOHHOHO

[Anonymous No.2025021]

>60 year old software engineering prof
>talking about friend classes in C++
>"so you see, classes are a lot like people: you let your friends see your private parts"
>nervous laughter
>"well that's how we did it when I was a boy"
>dead silence

[Anonymous No.2025025]

>>2025021
Regular jackoffs are still as square as ever.

[Anonymous No.2025038]

>>2025021

I don't get what's so funny/weird about this.

[Anonymous No.2025043]

TEACHER GOING ON ABOUT HOW YOU CAN ACHIEVE GREAT THINGS WITH ENGLISH (SUBJECT)

WE ASK: "LIKE WHAT?"

HE GOES ON ABOUT HOW HE AND A GROUP OF FRIENDS MANAGED TO GET A NEW WORD ADDED TO SOME DICTIONARY.

"FUCK THIS I'M STUDYING ACCOUNTING"

ONE OF THE LINES ISN'T ACTUALLY A PART OF THE STORY, CAN YOU GUESS WHICH ONE IT IS?

[Anonymous No.2025044]

>>2025043
>ONE OF THE LINES ISN'T ACTUALLY A PART OF THE STORY, CAN YOU GUESS WHICH ONE IT IS?

[Anonymous No.2025048]

>>2025044
VERY CUNNING, BUT EXCLUDING THAT ONE, WHICH ONE DO YOU THINK IT WAS?

[Anonymous No.2025049]

>>2025048
>"FUCK THIS I'M STUDYING ACCOUNTING"

[Anonymous No.2025051]

>>2025048
>WE ASK: "LIKE WHAT?"

[Anonymous No.2025054]

>>2025049
YOU ARE THE WINNER AGAIN.

CONGRATULATIONS

[Anonymous No.2025055]

>>2025043
>CONSTANTLY INFORMING EVERYONE ON THIS BOARD THAT HE IS STUDYING ACCOUNTING AS IF THAT MAKES HIM BETTER
NOBODY CARES ASSHOLE

[Anonymous No.2025056]

>>2025055
YOU SEEM TO SINCE YOU JUST WHINED ABOUT IT

[Anonymous No.2025080]

cruise control for cool

Alternatively, "I know I'm right and maybe if I talk loud enough people will see things my way."
Your parents spoiled you rotten.

[Anonymous No.2025083]

I remember in like 6th grade our science teacher had to go the bathroom, and we were studying plant/animal cells at the time so he says "excuse me, I gotta go empty my vacuole."

that feel when only I laughed at it.

[Anonymous No.2025086]

>>2025083
>teacher leaving class to go use the bathroom
What

[Anonymous No.2025105]

>>2025056
I DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL LIFE

I DO CARE ABOUT YOU ACTING ARROGANT AND I WANT IT TO STOP

[Anonymous No.2025198]

>English teacher in Indonesia
>"something something has no nose"
>"How does he smell sir?"
>"bad"
>"...we don't speak english properly, and even we know that was bad"

My students are pretty awesome.

[Anonymous No.2025439]

>watching The Kite Runner in Religion class (catholic high school don't ask)
>scene where that one kid gets raped
>after the anal raping he walks funny
>I burst out laughing
>everyone is looking at me with disgust

[Anonymous No.2025447]

>>2022855
You took a geology course with a dog? Or were you just stoned?

[Anonymous No.2025467]

>Theology class
>Talking about how according to one philosopher, an action is morally right if it brings good to the majority of people involved
>Kid asks 'So in effect, gang rape is right?'
>Teacher is stumped
>Leads to a class-long discussion of sex, in lots of detail
>Teacher knows what 2 girls 1 cup is

[Anonymous No.2025471]

>>2025439
That feel...


>in psychology
>watching bowling for columbine
>sitting by myself
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCqHs5F7bno
>30 seconds happen
>burst out laughing
>not because LOL NIGGERS DIED
>but because she didnt know his name
>just referred to him as the black kid
>EVERYONE stares at me
>bury face in arms
>still fucking laugh about it.

[Anonymous No.2025475]

>>2025471
That's a classic. I even read it on 4chan before.

>>2025467
>Kid asks 'So in effect, gang rape is right?'
That's pretty damn clever

[Anonymous No.2025476]

>>2025475
Ive posted it once before

[Anonymous No.2025477]

>>2025475
I can't remember what the teacher said on 2 girls 1 cup, but he said that the issue of anal sex was awkward because it brings pleasure to the man and pain to the woman.

[Anonymous No.2025478]

>5th grade
>have white teacher in mostly mexican neighborhood
>teacher's name is Mr. Verga, italian or something
>he doesn't know why all the mexican laugh at him
>Verga means cock in spanish

[Anonymous No.2025479]

>>2025467
This is just my 2 cents but in rape, I believe the role of victim falls upon the rapist just as much as the one being raped. For he has been conned by desire to engage in an act that provides only illusory and short lived relief. When in truth you may as well be cutting yourself with the shackles of temptation.

[Anonymous No.2025481]

Oh boy, my biology teacher had tons of these moments.

>high school biology class
>our teacher has picked up a dead shrew on his way to school
>what the fuck
>continues to teach us how you can tell apart mice, shrew and mole

>two weeks later
>another class in the same room
>teacher goes does something smell funny?
>oh no

And then we found a dead, rotten shrew.

[Anonymous No.2025485]

>>2025479
*cuffing

[Anonymous No.2025486]

>>2025479
He put the 'Hedonic calculus' to it (I can't remember whose theory that was) and the 7 points all showed it was good.

[Yaw !!etjUP7/V3a6 No.2025491]

>>2025467
No, someone asked the same question in my philosophy class, and my lecturer responded with it's not just the amount of people, but measure of happiness.

Although we can't accurately measure happiness, it's obvious that the pain of the person being rape outweighs the happiness of the gang rapers. So the gang rape is wrong, because there is negative happiness.

Besides, it's only a theory, and your lecturer should have recognised this as a flaw among the others and not been "stumped".

Your lecturer is a retard.

Also:
>Leads to a class-long discussion of sex, in lots of detail

This why I dropped philosophy. Noone shut the fuck up about irrelevant shit.

[Anonymous No.2025493]

>>2025488
Almost nobody in my class took it seriously, I wasn't surprised when I was one of the few come out with anything above a D.

[Anonymous No.2025494]

>>2025491
Since when has happiness ever been the deciding factor in what is good?

[Anonymous No.2025505]

>>2022812
>>2022812

My cousin and his gf got married. The whole marriage had a geology theme. ALSO PUNS PUNS EVERYWHERE.

FUCK GEOLOGIST

Just kidding. Geologists rock

[Anonymous No.2025509]

>>in the experimental psychology lab
>>doing a test which involves viewing slides of starving african children
>>all I can think is NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS
>>can barely contain laughter

[Anonymous No.2025511]

>History class
>The class is talking about a birthday party the next day
>Teacher: "Oh, a birthday! Hope the birthday child brings cake tomorrow then. Who is it?"
>Class: "It's Mike" (Asian decent)
>Teacher: "Crap. I don't like fortune cookies"
>Our faces when

[Anonymous No.2025515]

>>2025494
circular logic or just lazy?

[Tro Lin !9Mb3EcFAV6 No.2025519]

>>2025511
Obvious racism aside, why did the teacher expect the birthday boy to be the one to buy and bring cake? That's not how birthdays work, man.

[Yaw !!etjUP7/V3a6 No.2025523]

>>2025494
It is in THAT PARTICULAR THEORY. I didn't say it was right, I'm just explaining the theory.

[Anonymous No.2025529]

>>2025519
This isn't the office at work. Schools be the hard knock times.

[Anonymous No.2025531]

>>2025519
>>2025519

Not the one you're responding to but in my Western European culture it is quite normal for the birthday boy to bring a treat to school or work.

[Anonymous No.2025587]

>tfw ur teacher makes a joke but he is subtly forcing his beliefs on you

[Anonymous No.2025593]

Why does all university and student jargon have the tone of bad faith?

[Anonymous No.2025596]

>>2022790
>>10th grade history class.
>>I sit right in the front of the room, across from teacher.
>>She's talking about racism.
>>Mentions a t-shirt that says"last night I had a nightmare I was black."
>>I burst out laughing so hard, friends around me laugh a little bit. Everyone else calls me racist.
>>I was so racist at the time that I absolutely did not give a fuck.

[Anonymous No.2025622]

>>2022797
It's physically impossible to read that and not roll eyes and groan.

[Anonymous No.2025624]

>>2025587

Yes, I know that feel. I had a psychotherapy prof that was hilarious but also a zionist.

[Anonymous No.2025638]

>BSCS Biology, freshman year of high school
>Kids are misbehaving
>One has a broken bone and is on crutches
>Teacher takes the crutch and throws it out of the window and resumes the lecture
>Gets laid off at the end of the year due to budget cuts

We'll miss you, Ronald Harkov, Plant Biologist PhD.