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/lit/ - Literature

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[ERROR] No.2016371 [Reply] [Original]

Hey lit, this is my second attempt at getting feedback for this bit of writing here. Please follow the link, read it, and let me know what you think of it. Of course, it being unedited, it is still a mess of typos and grammar-errors, but it is definitely still readable and enjoyable.

Thank you all for your time:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/114YoSfPCSNMRgPjiK1SHfGkOdtSYo_k6TbUyMZ7voP0/edit?hl=en_US

>> No.2016388

bump

>> No.2016391

THIS IS A NIGHT TO REMEMBA!

>> No.2016405

>>2016391

I should hope so, do you, however have any opinions or feedback about the story that I could use to improve? That is the purpose of this after-all.

Thank you either way.

>> No.2016438

bump

>> No.2016455

anyone? at all?

>> No.2016467

>>2016455
I don't want to be mean, but it failed to capture my attention. It made me laugh, but I didn't read too much; mainly because it is not my type of story. I thought your writing seemed solid, if with a few typos.

>> No.2016476

>>2016467
Well thank you for giving me your time regardless, I know not everyone is into sci-fi fantasy fare.

>> No.2016487

>>2016476
It's cool. If you write anything else I'll be glad to give it a look.

>> No.2016495

Not going to read the whole thing because it's not my sort of story but yeah:

You change tense from past to present a bit on the first page.
If all those names are referring to the same woman then you have successfully confused me.
Grammar and lack of punctuation in the opening few sentences is a problem.
Giving an actual dot-pointed list of things on the table is a bit of a 'wat' moment.
This is probably satirical, couldn't get past the sub-par execution to see it.