I wrote a novel. Can I pay someone to read it?

[Anonymous No.20081889]

So I wrote a novel.
I wanted to write this novel for years and years and had the outline for the major plot events for ages. After writing a lot of unrelated short stories I finally got the courage to write it.

Wrote it on weekends and stuff aimed for a chapter a week but ofc many weeks I was busy/lazy.

I only got one friend to read it fully. He gave a vague review and mostly just critiqued stuff like maybe moving some chapters around. Other friends started it, some said they liked it, but they didn't finish it. I think its because it lacks some of the conventional story structures so its not as "page turning", also who the fuck reads now adays. If it was an audiobook I bet they would have finished it though maybe.

Anyway, I just want someone to read it who's experienced and can tell me if I should bother to deep dive and edit it enough for publication attempts. I'm a programmer and I work in gamedev and I could easily make games in my spare time instead of continue this novel.

So wondering if this novel has potential or I should quit and work on games which are way easier to get people to try and also publish.

I looked into "publishing agents" a bit but all the sites are like "Oh to be taken seriously you should make a website and start a following and edit the fuck out of your novel and blah blah" but I literally just want to know if it even is worth spending tons of hours editing. I would rather just pay someone credible like $50 to read it and give real feedback.

[Anonymous No.20081893]

post the first chapter here

[Anonymous No.20081912]

Sure, no problem
Just deposit 6 gorillion rubles in my account and I'll start

[Anonymous No.20081930]

>>20081893
You can read it here:
greygods.com

The first chapter... is not really where the story goes though. But I guess you can get a feel.

Are there any sites or something where I can pay a professional to read it?

[Anonymous No.20081941]

I'd be happy to have a look. Maybe just the first handful of pages first (60-70). Don't need to pay.

Don't know how to pass on information

[Anonymous No.20081965]

>>20081941
I linked it here: >>20081930
its just the website:
greygods.com

https://greygods.com

(I bought the url and just redirect to the google doc).

You can just comment directly on the google doc for feedback :D!

[Anonymous No.20082007]

>>20081930
OK (>>20081941 here) impression of the first couple of paragraphs. You need to tie action and exposition together - maybe eten gets changed in the water from the nice day, or something.

I know there is a lot you want to get out, and explain to the reader, but set the scene, don't set the plot like a recipe. Don't tell the reader eten has to say something to his bother, and the presumably later tell his brother. Just build the world and the character through the scene. Tie their actions to their past. Maybe eten moves and dresses slowly because they are tired, maybe have them run over some of the conspiracies and other things they were looking at last night, as they get changed and eat breakfast. But don't just list off a whole lot of stuff, it is dull, and will no doubt be repeated.

Why wouldn't eten just talk to his mum? Especially if his dad was unusually ill. This gives a good method to pass information naturally

>"Work is exhausting. There have been a lot of people ill recently"


And so on and so on

Don't want to discourage, seems like you have a story, just jeed to work out how to tell it easier

[Anonymous No.20082020]

>>20082007
>water
>*warmth

Autocorrect

[Anonymous No.20082037]

>>20082007
So basically instead of just exposition have them "do something" that explains?
Ah good advice!

Good tip about just having him talk to his mom. I wanted it there to be some "distance" between them but that can be shown better through a awkward conversation anyway.

[Anonymous No.20082067]

>>20082007
>>20081941 again. I skipped ahead to have a look at another part. You have a lot of repetition. Even a few paragraphs along you mention how perfect the weather is, presumably this is to contrast some upcoming tragedy, not necessary, and kitch. Build the world as the character sees it, like the reader is one of the riders from being John malcovich

There was a fight scene much further on. Try watching some professional fighting and describing what is happening. Then listening to the commentary and trying to hybridise their ways of talking about the fight with your own.


Not much more now.

Personally I think you should put thus away for 3-6-12months, then reread yourself with a clear head. Edit. Then find an editor. Right now there is so much to do that it will barely be your work, because the editors hand will be so heavy

[Anonymous No.20082098]

>>20082067
Interesting thanks. This is the advice I was looking for.

Ya I feel like prose and writing is a completely different and very complicated skillset. Feels like I'm starting from scratch. I just don't think I have good enough prose to offset any decent plot and ideas I may have.

[Anonymous No.20082126]

>>20082098
No problem.


There are lots of manuscript services available everywhere. Does your town have a writers centre? If they do there will be manuscript services there, or in the nearest large city. Use an editor you can see in the flesh. Most editors I know will charge $250-300 (actually problem $500 now) to review a manuscript. But like I said let it settle and go over it at least once yourself, before doing this.

Otherwise, good luck to ya. You have a lot there to work with, which can be the hardest part.

Regarding prose - read poetry. Good poetry

- poetryfoundation.org

[Anonymous No.20082287]

>>20082126
Eh, I think I'll just take a break for a year.

I think maybe it sucks a lot more than I originally thought it did.

Just write short stories if I have the urge to write.

Prose just feels like too much of an endeavor to learn and I don't think I have any natural talent in it. There are people who spend all their time reading and writing and go to writing communities etc. Competing with those people seems impossible. Sadly I do think most novel ideas are lame, beautiful makeup on boring pigs. But, a swan covered in shit is just as bad if not worse (decent ideas in horrible prose and writing skill).

Hell my ideas probably aren't that interesting either. I feel like if I compare myself to the avg shitty story maybe its okay but compared to the best its shit. Like I recently read 3 body problem and it had super unique and awesome ideas.

There's a lot of shitty books out there and so I had some faith like if those shitty books get published why can't mine but at least those people probably put in a ton of effort and made writing their soul focus and at least leveled up their prose and literary technique, at least they put on the makeup.

[Anonymous No.20082362]

Question OP, since as you mentioned, nobody reads and people are more likely to listen to an audiobook or play a game. Why don't you turn your novel into a visual novel? That's what I'm doing with my work, and I think it'll appeal to people a lot better than a standard novel in this day and age. Being able to incorporate ambience and visual cues can really make for an immersive experience. I know most people stereotype VNs as dating porn games, but they really don't need to be restricted to that.

[Anonymous No.20082381]

>>20082362
Interesting idea.
How are you making it? Do you have artists you are hiring? If so how much does that cost?

[Anonymous No.20082589]

Just read a few chapters and scanned some more.
There's too many names, just use 'He' after we know who it is. Also, the sentences are too short. It doesn't flow the way it should, it almost reads like an outline. Not to be discouraging but it's needs some serious editing. Loosen up. Your posts in this thread are smoother than what you've written in your novel. Fwiw, Salinger edited, and edited, and edited some more before "Catcher" was done. Don't quit, it's just not there yet. Good luck.

[Anonymous No.20082603]

>>20081930
>story begins with character waking up and a bland description of the weather

[Anonymous No.20082613]

>>20082381
I've made one before (picrelated) and there were multiple goals I had in mind with it. One was to get familiar with working in the medium in preparation for a more serious project I have in mind. And two, was to show how VN's can effectively use ambience to enhance the atmosphere of the story.

Regarding the artistic assets, I had a close friend good with art make the sprites and a couple backgrounds and CGs. For the rest I applied a watercolor filter on photographs. For the music, I intentionally told a story that was itself focused on retro VNs so I could use the music in those games in the background to emphasize the themes I was going for: digital nostalgia and isolation. If you're interested to see this in practice you can find Digital Seclusion for free on itch.io. It is ultimately an amateur work, but the goal of telling a story through ambience I think I mostly got right.

For my next work I'm planning to hire some artists and composers to help. But where possible, I'm looking through royalty free music to use (there is more out there than you might assume). Most money will likely go into art, but that also depends on the art style you go for.

I really want to see more aspiring writers consider VNs as an option, as the medium has lots of technical potential to effectively tell stories. It's just unfortunate that for now most of that potential is getting wasted on smut.

[Anonymous No.20082682]

>>20082589
Woah you read a few chapters that's nuts thank you.

I think the issues are deeper than that though.
Even if I edit it a ton and fix the awkward sentences and prose etc I think the plot is lacking that "page turner quality". It doesn't have key questions or goals for the characters that make you want to read more because there's too much subverting and new crazy shit happening constantly.

For example later on the MC basically enters into a super soldier program after some grueling tests. One of his "coworkers" is one of the first AI and is a super robot named Omega. Omega betrays the org kills some characters on the way out and Eten leaves with him. Only for them to eventually get caught and Omega to betray the MC in order to surrender.

MC escapes and then eventually realizes the org isn't so bad but when he rejoins ANOTHER DIFFERENT character comes in and destroys it.

Its like random shit is just happening. I feel like it felt more "real" to me like that, in real life things aren't straight forward and there isn't an obvious roadmap toward a "final goal" or "final boss" maybe someone else will come in and beat the boss instead and derail plans completely.

But that makes for a lame story. Because there's no goal. There's no bad guy. Its just X happens then Y completely different thing happens there's no mysteries to solve or bread crumbs to follow.

Maybe in hindsight readers will appreciate the story, but as you are reading its not "addicting" or anything.

I started writing really because of a big plot twist event that happens 300k words down the line (2-3 novels worth). But its like, that's a dumb way to write. The payoff is too delayed.

Anyway also I just don't think I'll ever be a good writer. I couldn't even get the motivation to read books on how to write better. And I hate editing. I just wanted to get to the big twist as fast as possible. It's not that unique of a twist anyway.

The twist is essentially, an edgy guy who betrayed mankind at the last second decides to kill mankinds enemy because he learns they killed his only friend like 10 years ago and he just wants avenge. The friend being the main character who dies about 170k words in. Theme being people won't do things to "save humanity" or "save the world" or anything abstract, but they might risk their life for things like honoring a friend's memory.

[Anonymous No.20082699]

>>20082682
It's really not that hard to reshape your narrative into an acceptable structure once you know the theme. It's something you can do in an afternoon, but you have know how story structure works to begin with (which requires maybe another afternoon). You can literally fix all your stuff in a weekend, but you'd rather let all the work you put in up to now go to waste because of your insecurities. Many such cases.

[Anonymous No.20082702]

>>20082682
I'm curious, what compelled you to write this as a novel? You mention having programming experience, and admit you don't read much yourself. Wouldn't it have been easier to make this a game? The plot your describing sounds fine for a video game, but honestly sounds fanfic tier as a work of literature

[Anonymous No.20082894]

>>20082699
>but you have know how story structure works to begin with (which requires maybe another afternoon).

Uh wut. I highly highly doubt I could somehow master story structure and its infinite complexity in a weekend?

Also even if I could, rewriting an entire book to match the new structure requires well, rewriting a book.

Unless I'm missing something I don't understand your "you can just fix it in a weekend" comment at all.

[Anonymous No.20082902]

>>20082702
I originally wanted it to be a game. But making a game especially one with so much story would take literally 10x if not more of the work.

I think maybe the ideal is probably a comic, or a visual novel like the other guy suggested. But those have higher production costs. Maybe it's still worth it if the "core story" and ideas are good but IDK if that's the case.

[Anonymous No.20082909]

>>20082613
That's awesome.

By the way a protip on getting music. What I do is I listen to a lot of smaller artists on youtube soundcloud etc. I've messaged them asking if I can use some of my favorite songs in games and they are always totally fine about it. Makes sense since its just using a song they already made no work for them. I mention I'm an indie dev and don't have money (which is true).

[Anonymous No.20082923]

this is the dawning of the age of paid audience, people will pay to get peeps attention, & even then it will be non-real attention, but people will only like what is popular to be able to converse & interact with others. but also. just make what you want OP, the fact that you could publish a bunch of books that no one will ever read makes you... like 98% of living writers

[Anonymous No.20083007]

>>20082894
I'm obviously not talking about line editing your manuscript, which is just grunt work. I'm talking about rewriting it structurally, at an outline level. And no, story structure (at least for the kind of story you're writing) isn't that complicated. Aristotle pretty much got 90% of it in his Poetics (which is 80 pages long and could be read in an afternoon). Really you could summarize all of story structure in one or two pages. It's a natural human faculty (as evidenced by the fact that you can immediately detect when a story feels "off") which just requires a bit of abstraction to put to use.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. You've already checkmated yourself. When presented with the prospect of fixing your structure in a weekend, your first thought is not cautious excitement or even curiosity but dejection and self-doubt.

[Anonymous No.20083063]

>>20081889
They have services for scripts, probably the same for long form stuff.

[Anonymous No.20083073]

>>20083007
I scratch my ass and it feels nice and it feels good

[Anonymous No.20083152]

Friends and family say they want to read your novel, they might even believe it, but they never do.
I don't know why. I would read their stuff if they ever wrote... Normies are such bastards

[Anonymous No.20083179]

>>20081889
you could probably hire a beta reader off of fiverr and ask for specific feedback. like make a list of questions for them to answer (which characters were weak/strong, what did you like/dislike, did you notice any plotholes, etc)
don't get discouraged if the feedback isn't as positive as you'd hoped. constructive criticism will make you a better writer. published authors rewrite large chunks of their books over the course of writing them

[Anonymous No.20083191]

>>20083007
I see you mean just outlining the changes.

Eh I hope you realize I wrote an entire novel already. I've already done this step, and wound up where I am now. With a novel I have nothing but doubt for.

Saying "hey just do it again" isn't real advice. Even if lets say I get a better outline, that outline has to be made into the book.

Then theirs a chance half way through you realize hey the new version is kinda dumb too. There's even a chance its worse.

The reason I'm not excited is because I'm in the real world anon. I'VE ALREADY WRITTEN A NOVEL LENGTH OF SHIT.

"Hey uh just try again" doesn't cut it.

Some of the other suggestions in the thread are interesting though. Like for example if my prose sucks maybe going the route of visual novel which also solves other issues like how competitive and saturated novels are.

>>20082923
I appreciate this. Makes me feel better. At least I wrote a full novel length story that's something.
Its weird in my head the story really means something. It came to me in "revelation" practically over a decade and I finally decided to commit to writing it out recently. I feel like its some kind subconscious distillation of my life journey melded with all sorts of ideas and experiences. But there's a big difference between what's in your head and what comes out on paper and is seen by other people. That's where the writing skill comes in and that's where I have no confidence. Another idea I had talking with a friend is if I can't write well in the typical way, making my own unique style of writing. Double down kinda. But that takes a lot of work too.

This story has been in my brain for decades and I felt I had to just get it out in some form. At the very least so I wouldn't have to remember it forever.

But its taken so long just to get to 100k words, and I feel like I'm only 1/2ish done maybe less. And the opportunity cost is fucking with me. That's really the biggest issues. Spend years and years trying to learn to write better and maybe I'll up what kind of mediocre? Shouldn't I chose 1 thing and super focus on it instead instead of doing gamedev AND writing? I would probably keep writing just for myself, that's what kinda got me started in the first place doing it for myself. But sacrificing hours every week for a possible dead end when I could be doing games that could actually make me money one day and I could actually be good at? IDK. Maybe I'll try gamedev projects and they'll suck dick and then I'll go back to my novel who knows. Maybe I need a break at least.

Or maybe this is my brain's way of saying "Give up on this story because soon you'll come up with something better anyway". I remember story ideas I had when I was a kid were replaced by WAY better ones later so it could be like that.

[Anonymous No.20083318]

>>20081889
You know what to do.

[Anonymous No.20084691]

>>20083318
Make it into a comic is my takeaway xD