/wg/ Writing General

[Anonymous No.19858182]

You need to be marketing or fail in obscurity edition
>>19841034

For Prose:
>The Art of Fiction, Gardner
>The Anatomy of Story, Truby
>Story Genius: How to Use Brain Science to Go Beyond Outlining and Write a Riveting Novel (Before You Waste Three Years Writing 327 Pages That Go Nowhere)
>On Becoming A Novelist
>The First Five Pages
>Writing Fiction: A Guide to Narrative Craft
>How Fiction Works
>The Rhetoric of Fiction
>Steering the Craft
>On Writing, Borges

For Poetry:
>The Poetry Home Repair Manual
>Western Wind: An Introduction to Poetry
>This Craft of Verse, Borges

Related Material:
>What Editors Do
>A Student's Introduction to English Grammar
>Garner's Modern English Usage

Suggested books on storytelling:
>The Weekend Novelist
>Aristotle's Poetics
>Hero With a Thousand Faces
>Romance the Beat

Traditional publishing
> Formatting manuscript
https://blog.reedsy.com/manuscript-form

list of /wg/ authors pastebin and anonymous flash fiction anthology
https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ

[Anonymous No.19858191]

>>19858182
i will never be good enough I just need stacy to crush my balls lol

[Anonymous No.19858215]

No one writes in /wg.

[Anonymous No.19858221]

>>19858215
Beat me to it

[Anonymous No.19858225]

>>19858215
I write.

[Anonymous No.19858226]

I know it's gay, but I wish I can a close knit group of writer buddies that we could all get together and rip apart before putting back together each other's writing. People that are equally dedicated and unrealistic with their drive to "make it," and elevate themselves as a collective. I just want people who's opinion on writing I can respect so I don't feel I'm fumbling in the dark wondering if my own shit really doesn't stink or if I just like the smell because it's mine.

[Anonymous No.19858230]

>>19858215
No one advertises either in /wg/.

[Anonymous No.19858246]

You will post your writing.
You will improve your setting, plot, characters, and themes.
You will become successful and stay disciplined.
You will make it.

[Anonymous No.19858254]

>>19858226
If you post parts of your writing here, or at the leat parts from a continous text that you're writing, you might be able to start being recognized by specific posters here, and so to them. In that way, you might tell that the Apple Dash x Pinky Pie fanfic writer knows what he's talking about, and could be someone you want to show your work to

or just make a shitty writing discord and make it so that newcomers have to show their writing and impress the existing users

[Anonymous No.19858277]

>>19858182
I'm going to post more of my Touhou fan fic for someone to bully me over.

I walk to the shrine's front gate and flick a par of paper talismans in each hand. As I start to through them, I feel someone tugging on the sleeve of my uniform.
"No Reimu, you don't want to do that!" Aunn says to me.
"Of course I do!" I tell her "stop being a bad girl!"
"A-am a bad girl?" Aunn says as her eyes start to water up.
"Very bad! when I become a cloud I'm going to drizzle on you as punishment. Now stop crying, it's annoying!"
I throw the talismans at corners of the gate and chant a incantaion. An invisible wall now blocks anyone form entering the shrine. I lie down face first on the floor and wait to become a cloud. It's going to be wonderful, being a cloud. Until now I was always having to deal with youkai and the selfish problems they cause. I chant "I will become the incident." because that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to drizzle on every last one of those trouble makers that gave me a hard time! I'll start with that Vampire by the lake, Remeia. She thinks she's so much better then everyone else for being a exotic yokai with lots of money. I'm going to rain on her and keep inside that mansion until she pays up! That will be good payback for when she tried to block out the sun with that red mist! Then I can have a extra fancy shrine and someone else can be MY priestess.

[Anonymous No.19858280]

>>19858277
Didn't you post this last thread?

[Anonymous No.19858289]

>>19858254
>Discord
I'd only do that after I found a few that I gel with and respect. I've thought of posting an E-mail address and bullshitting a little while sharing bits of writing, but I want to wait until I finish the first draft of this novel I'm writing. My style has evolved substantially between the start of this story and the last stuff I wrote and I feel to offer anything before it up would be a false representation.

[Anonymous No.19858291]

>>19858277
>present tense
Why?

[Anonymous No.19858314]

>>19858291
I think zoomer YA novels are all in present tense or something, I'm seeing it everywhere lately

[Anonymous No.19858315]

If I wanted to write a story about gatekeeping(As in ensuring that something retains "purity" and it's unique identity) but not make it painfully obvious which side of the debate I fall on as the writer, is there a way to write that AND make it good, or do I need to stop fence sitting and declare one side better than the other?

[Anonymous No.19858319]

>>19858314
I've heard multiple places this is true.

[Anonymous No.19858331]

I'm so getting banned from every platform once I publish this book.

My racist tendencies are shining in full glory.

[Anonymous No.19858342]

>>19858331
Am I the only racist writer who just doesn't write non-whites into my stories?

The way I look at it, I'm a white person, writing white stories, for white people. Niggers, spics, and kikes have no place in my stories.

[Anonymous No.19858346]

>>19858291
Third person present tense is fun as fuck to write in and read, desu

[Anonymous No.19858348]

>>19858315
That depends on the conflict of your story. If "keeping the purity" means you stop a bandit from poisoning the water hole so he can rob the bank, there's no grey area. If "keeping the purity" means that a father acts overprotective of her daughter and keeps her from going on adventures, you can then present a middle ground where it's impossible to keep the daughter innocent forever, but she really should listen to his advice from time to time

[Anonymous No.19858360]

>>19858342
I wouldn't really consider you a writer.

[Anonymous No.19858372]

>>19858360
Why not? If he's makes a good story, anyone will be able to get something out of it even if they aren't directly represented. I'm not black and I can take out a moral of the story for black pather, albeit a basic one

[Anonymous No.19858373]

>>19858277
I like it. Not sure what is really about, I don't post itt.
>because that's what I'm going to do.
That was the only sentence I didn't like it. It felt redundant.

[Anonymous No.19858378]

>>19858348
Completely missed what I was saying. Maybe that's my fault.

I'm talking about a group of people forging a group identity. This identity starts attracting more people, and the conflict is between one person wanting to issue "standards" while the other is happy to let in anyone and everyone.

Originally, I was going to write it from the perspective of the one who wanted standards, but I thought that would be too obvious that I'm in favor of that, so I thought to have it from the perspective of someone caught in the middle of the conflict, torn between the two. I just worry that will weaken the story by it not taking a side.

[Anonymous No.19858381]

>>19858372
>he's makes
If I point it out myself first it's okay

[Anonymous No.19858390]

>>19858342
When I write my fictional comedy, all non whites will be displayed disparagingly, or as I call it, realistically.

[Anonymous No.19858407]

>>19858390
I have thought about writing a story about one man's decent into the ebil waycist nawtzees after an encounter with some colored folk, but I figure that story would be too revealing at this point in my (hopeful) career

[Anonymous No.19858411]

>>19858378
Well, what do you want out of your story? Do you want to present a question, or your opinion? If your inspiration is to write an opinion, make it so

[Anonymous No.19858423]

>>19858411
dubs of decree
Ok, Anon. I'll make my point, and I'll make it well.

[Anonymous No.19858428]

>>19858407
Do it in a pen name.

[Anonymous No.19858437]

>>19858428
>Hiding
I'd rather die than dishonor myself in such a way.

[Anonymous No.19858448]

>>19858372
>If he's makes

He doesn't. He can't.

[Anonymous No.19858456]

>>19858423
Have fun, I hope you're proud of what comes out at the end

>>19858448
But that's just everyone itt. That'll be enough replies for this string of posts, triggered-kun.

[Anonymous No.19858483]

>>19858277
>Aunn says as her eyes start to water up.
Someone read the "show dont tell post" from last thread

[Anonymous No.19858492]

>>19858437
Okay, display yourself and be vulnerable to financial ruin then.
I will disgrace my enemies with humor from an untouchable place.

[Anonymous No.19858515]

>>19858373
Is this paragraph grammatically correct?

"How could a three-year-old, even a witch-born, explain how wonderful it was to have anyone actually hold his hand after a year and a half of isolation? The only way he knew how was to rush forward and hug her. Miss Jacoby felt as if she were being electrocuted, but again she consciously fought against her initial reaction and after a moment, the shocking feeling changed from one bordering on pain to a wonderful, soothing warmth unlike anything she ever felt before, and she found herself not just returning the hug, but actually lifting the small boy in her arms. She carried him on and off for the rest of the day, allowing her assistants to handle the other kids for the two and a half hours she had him.?

I'm especially curious about the second to the last sentence that drowns on for 6 clauses. Is that too many clauses for one sentence? I've heard that when you have too many clauses in one sentence, you'll have too many conflicting complete ideas--especially if some of the clauses within it could stand on their own. Is that true here? Should that sentence be split up, or is it fine as is?

[Anonymous No.19858533]

>>19858515
Seemed alright from the medium-skim I gave it, but the prose are a little... Elementary? You haven't been writing for long, have you?

[Anonymous No.19858537]

>>19858515
I'm not an english teacher, but more than anything your use of punctuation needs care

[Anonymous No.19858547]

>>19858533
>but the prose are a little... Elementary
How so, could you elaborate?
>You haven't been writing for long, have you?
Nope. I'm just starting to write seriously.
>>19858537
>but more than anything your use of punctuation needs care
Does the excerpt use too many commas? Should em dashes, semicolons, and colons be spliced within the text above to lend to better flow? Or are my sentences simply too long? Should I strive for shorter sentences (i.e. more periods, less commas)?

[Anonymous No.19858552]

>>19858537
His punctuacion was absolutely correct, why do you people just throw bullshit out in the air?

>>19858547
>Does the excerpt use too many commas? Should em dashes, semicolons, and colons be spliced within the text above to lend to better flow? Or are my sentences simply too long? Should I strive for shorter sentences (i.e. more periods, less commas)?
First of all, half of those suggestions aren't punctuaction. Second of all, disregard, because there weren't mistakes in your punctuaction.

[Anonymous No.19858558]

>>19858547
I particularly mean
> "How could a three-year-old, even a witch-born, explain how....
"You never ended your character's sentence, anon!" One of the posters said

And
>...him.?

I actually think your sentences could use some more breaks in between

[Anonymous No.19858559]

>>19858547
>Nope. I'm just starting to write seriously.
Read more. Write more. Finish what you write. Edit what you finish. Rinse and repeat.

[Anonymous No.19858591]

Hello anons, what do you think of my writing sample?

[Anonymous No.19858611]

>>19858280
That was the previous paragraph. When I posted a scene with Raimu and Flandre, in a older thread, one Anon called me a faggot and it helped me realized serious problems with my writing and prose.

>>19858291
I feel that present tense lets my convey what a character is experiencing better then past tense. Consider This form what I posted in the last thread;
>. . . "This Is Shrine Maiden Brutality!" Clownpiece says as she struggles to get me to let go of her "1776 will happen again if you-" she stops mid sentence and looks up at something. I look up and find nothing but before I can look away, I see her torch.
>
>It's such a beautiful day, what I'm I doing wasting it arguing with a fiery? Actually, who was I talking to? Must have been my imagination. . .

I like how when Raimu forgets about 'Piece, she changes the subject abruptly. I don't think it would have the same feeling of "is she ok?" if it was in past tense.

>>19858314
My writing is YA friendly without me really trying. It makes me wonder if I should publish my books as light novels.

>>19858483
Yah, that could be better although I question way you are hellping a /jp/ degenerate write better fan fiction.

[Anonymous No.19858618]

Need a piece of writing advice.

How do I write something gritty and edgy without coming off as either cringy or pretentious? I seem to shine at writing deadpan, serious stuff, but I don’t want to bore my readers by being too serious all the time.

[Anonymous No.19858620]

>>19858591
I only read the first two paragraphs. Delightfully verbose, although that might be because I found the read entertaining. I am also guilty of writing like the ancestor from Darkest dungeon so i can't tell you to not do it

[Anonymous No.19858623]

>>19858611
>Yah, that could be better although I question way you are hellping a /jp/ degenerate write better fan fiction.
You might write the next DEATH SENTENCES

[Anonymous No.19858624]

>>19858591
>after the first paragraph
My God, he's so disgusting and self-important I love to hate this guy already. It's almost as if he locked himself in a room with Notes and never read anything else ever.
>after the second paragraph
I wish enough of the spergs from this site properly finished their projects to make starting a publishing house that specialized in this kind of writing worth while. I know the market is there, both out of shared misery and a desire to laugh and mock.
>after the third paragraph
Does this pig have a story, or is he just rambling? I need to know, Anon. I NEED TO KNOW.

[Anonymous No.19858630]

>>19858618
It's impossible to create grimdark without having some cringe in the mix. You'll have to taste the stew as you cook it

[Anonymous No.19858638]

>>19858618
Abandon the Gen X nihilism, friend. There will always be people who mock anyone and anything that aims for seriousness. You can't change yourself in an attempt to please those who can not be pleased.

If you want to add comedy, tho, I suggest you start reading writers known for their comedy. Everything we read eventually gets regurgitated back into our own works in some form or another.

[Anonymous No.19858660]

743 words tonight. Setting the scene for a potential betrayal but the dialogue is hard to balance with three people talking, even if the subject of the conversation is consistent throughout. Had a gorgeous spurt of a flow state in the middle where my MC monologues and lets his true non-regal character shine through, so I'll take that as the highlight for the night.

[Anonymous No.19858668]

>>19858620
Thank you, anon. What is Darkest Dungeon? I think it's a game, right? I might have to play it, now.
>>19858624
What is Notes? Yes, he has a story. There's lots of rambling (because that's just his personality), but there is a story. It's about finding a man at his lowest and his impossible quest for redemption, seeking to claim his birthright and fulfill destiny by challenging the Gods and finding True Love.
>that man is me :(

[Anonymous No.19858676]

>>19858668
>Notes
Notes from the Underground. The character rambles very similarly.
>challenging the Gods and finding True Love
I'm both bored, sickened, and excited by this. Keep us posted, fren.

[Anonymous No.19858682]

>>19858668
It's a lovecraft-inspired videogame where your uncle accidentally summons cthulhu and has you fix his problems. As your tutorial and figurative devil on your shoulder, he is an old gentleman with a thick beard and a potent voice, and he's addicted to speaking in a vocabulary that is ornate in presentation but dour in meaning

[Anonymous No.19858690]

483 words tonight, and more outlining done.
This book will only be about 27,000-30,000 words when finished.
A short book is a great way to start I feel.

[Anonymous No.19858694]

>>19858182
>>19858277
>>19858515
>>19858611
what a bunch of faggots
tldr

[Anonymous No.19858712]

Smegma was a guy that was famous for having a helmet completely covered in smegma. He was loosely associated with the goth crew in school and was semi-over because of it. Folk were obsessed with it, asking to see it. One day Chris and I were walking past the dock park toilets and bumped into him and two lassies. We said alright and chatted for a bit and joked about his smegma and the lassies asked to see it, he whipped it out and then one of them just started tugging him off. It was reeking. It looked like yoghurt had set on his cock. Then...then she took him into the toilets to suck him off. Chris and I just walked away in shock as the other lass sat on the wall as her pal gobbled this unwashed dick.
You could literally smell it. Bowking.
It was like a storm trooper helmet on his mushroom.

[Anonymous No.19858717]

>>19858342
Every human character in my story is white. The other "races", rat people and vampires, worship yahweh and money, respectively.

[Anonymous No.19858737]

>>19858682
I looked it up and it's an RPG, the only genre I really play, so thank you for bring it to my attention, anon. It will... eat away at my time, but time is all I have.
>>19858676
I see. Is Notes from the Underground that Dostoyevsky guy? I will go and read it soon for inspiration. Thank you.
Also, I posted an excerpt a few months ago, I think. I had a really nice anon enjoy it and recommend I read Descartes, which I haven't (sorry). Pic related, another example for you.

[Anonymous No.19858993]

How does /wg/ like the book Candide?
Are there any other books like this besides HHGttG?

[Anonymous No.19859012]

Shut
The
Fuck
UP
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpFnk08RBtQ

[Anonymous No.19859036]

Is their any resource that will help my prose get better? Besides just reading and writing more. I'm not talking about story or plot structure or characterisation I'm purely talking about the rhythm and beauty of the written word, are any of the books listed in the first post focused on helping with that specifically?

[Anonymous No.19859039]

>>19858717

[Anonymous No.19859070]

>>19859036
Mastering the Craft of Writing by Stephen Wilbers may be helpful to you. It has a few dozen specific ways to improve your writing. I found the attention it gives to each little aspect more useful than the general overview approach most writing books take.

[Anonymous No.19859073]

>>19858591
Chances in vocabulary were jarring, your narrator is jolly and antiquated and that was working very well but then he starts mentioning Dupont and Teratogens, and then mentions the decidedly memey 'Chad and Stacies'. I found all that very jarring. I also agree with the other anon: at some point you need to get to the plot rather than just rambling.

[Anonymous No.19859149]

>>19859073
That's the character's personality at that point in the story; he's supposed to sound unnatural and stilted, with a mind formed by years of degrading internet slang and propaganda. Broken by years of self-pity and wallowing, he doesn't believe he can go any lower, but he does. Then, by some inner spark or miracle, he finds himself on a path to redemption and in his newly found hubris, challenges the Gods. I don't want to spoil it but I doubt I'll finish the book, so oh well. He is actually a God, son of Saturn, trapped in mortal form by Jupiter, and he wills himself back in time to right his wrongs. It doesn't work because the Fates have woven his story; in revenge, with the last of his free will, he gives the gift of time travel to all mortal men and frees the Titans before succumbing to Zeus' wrath.

[Anonymous No.19859161]

Ay Paulie get this!
Speilberg once said, and i quote;
"One thousand words a day keeps the fanooks away!

[Anonymous No.19859270]

>>19859070
Thanks, seems like what I was looking for

[Anonymous No.19859302]

Should a comma always precede a conjunction connecting two clauses? When should you should you NOT use a comma when connecting two clauses with a conjunction?

[Anonymous No.19859327]

What is the best place to study plot? I am on it's plateau at the moment and I really want to understand it well.

Is it Homer? Or is he just magnified because of the Hero's Journey meme?

[Anonymous No.19859334]

>start a story about some dude creating an android to fight in a battle tournament
>battle bots with sexy androids
>This is fucking stupid as shit
>end up having said android battle gundams, transformers, brother eyes, tentacle machines, other androids, cyborgs, and whatever the fuck i can think of.
>Delete it because it just got too fucking stupid

Anyone else like this?

[Anonymous No.19859340]

>>19859334
Please try again anon, I want to read about sexy battle robots

[Anonymous No.19859354]

>>19859302
It's the author's discretion in certain circumstances, i.e. there are no hard and fast rules. Joyce was known to take commas back out of his writing which the editor inserted, for example

[Anonymous No.19859369]

I'm convinced everyone's first book should be short desu.
Especially if you're trying to focus on your quality.

[Anonymous No.19859399]

Are there any good resources about the interethnic tensions of Yugoslavia and how they lead to the Yugoslav Wars? I'm trying to write a short story about a fantasy empire's balkanization after a Dwarf merchant accuses three elves of violently sodomizing them.

[Anonymous No.19859406]

How do I write a kiss scene if I never even held a girl's hands before?

[Anonymous No.19859416]

>>19859327
What do you mean by 'study plot'? What do you think you're struggling with. There's probably an argument to be made that Homer is a good place to start if you do some comparative study against other tellings of the same events (Dionysian Imitatio) and see how they render it differently according to form.
However I think Homer is not a good place to start, not because the Epics have lousy plot, but because they have excellent plots... for Epics. If you're going to follow in the footsteps of Apollonius of Rhodes, okay, but if you're trying to write a modern novel, study modern novels.
>Pro-tip - you can steal plots from other mediums/genres of course, but the treatment of the plot has to be rendered in a new way that matches the new medium

[Anonymous No.19859420]

>>19859406
Read kiss scenes?

[Anonymous No.19859428]

>>19859406
Read a romance novel or two and use their descriptions

[Anonymous No.19859441]

>>19859406
Wing it and see what happens
but most important, show us

[Anonymous No.19859560]

>>19859416
>What do you think you're struggling with
Maybe it's not plot, exactly. I just struggle to compose story arcs I guess, and my writing trends towards vignettes and not full stories.

I know it isn't separate from any other aspect of the story...but it still feels like it is...in that it feels like the superstructure and framing for the real content?

[Anonymous No.19859689]

>>19858182
>been lightly working on my high fantasy series for a couple years now, starting to get serious about my work
>entire story is split into three books or Acts, whichever is best to call it
>keep working on the second part of my story more than the first because I'm procrastinating on working with all the lore and worldbuilding and magic required for it
It's not that I'm not confident in the first part of my story, it's that I'm just intimidated by the amount of work I'll have to put into it compared to the other two parts.

[Anonymous No.19859692]

>>19859689
Good, write the opening last so you can sprinkle massive amounts of foreshadowing in it and get all the nerds wet.

[Anonymous No.19859709]

>>19859692
I mean I have the majority of the major plot points for the first story all planned out so it's not like I have nothing for it, I'm just still trying to figure out the best way to connect it all together narratively.
Like there is a LOT of travelling involved in the first story as the main group explores the world and gets a taste of each major city and culture, so I'm having to figure out things for them to do that push them along without it being forced.

[Anonymous No.19859712]

>>19859560
>my writing trends towards vignettes and not full stories.
Ah yes. I see the problem. Unironically watch Road Runner cartoons because this is the most basic and distilled example of storytelling at work. The Coyote has a clear objective, to devour the Road Runner. And he makes several attempts to capture the Road Runner, most of which are unsuccessful, but to prevent the routine from becoming stale, he gets close at some points. This usually ends with a big explosion or something at the end.
How does this help you, your vignettes you can perceive as being elaborate versions of the Coyote's individual attempts to capture the Road Runner.
So what's missing? Probably a unifying goal. Now it seems like you're hoping to impose 'from above' some sort of super structure, however may I offer a more Hermeneutical approach?
Take your favourite vignette and find the 'objective' within it. Something as simple as opening a stubborn door has an objective, most obviously: what's in the next room that they want so dearly?
The trick is then embellishing upon that objective. If he's trying to turn off a dripping tap so he can sleep, what is he so anxious about, or what event tomorrow must he be well rested for that is insistent on stopping that dripping sound? A job interview? Picking up his mail order bride from the airport? A kidnapping. The clues should be there in your vignette embedded in the details of the scenery, the character, the time of day.
Then it's simply a matter of expanding onion-layer by onion-layer out until you have that superstructure, the overarching goal... the 'road runner' to your protagonist.
Then once you've mastered that simple approach you can add the filigree of supporting characters, intersecting arcs, Deuteragonists, inter-generational arcs and what have you.

[Anonymous No.19859723]

A3 edited pdf. 3.6k words.

Feedback approciated.

Not a russian virus....

[Anonymous No.19859729]

>>19859723
https://mega.nz/file/MdQBjSZR#hcv5eaBSKZAQfym9W7vAUSsPDypmtOXKH3YR559ZMXo

Forgot Link..

[Anonymous No.19859739]

I want to write a fantasy book but I don't know how
I want to be a footnote in a book on 21st century mixed raced fantasy writing
I want anons in the future message boards to talk about my book and for people to call it a shit meme
My heart weeps for the lack of recognition my creativity will receive

[Anonymous No.19859769]

>>19859739
If you want to write a fantasy book you have to read a lot of fantasy books first.

[Anonymous No.19859773]

>>19859769
I haven't unfortunately, I don't really like reading fantasy that much besides Tolkien

[Anonymous No.19859777]

>>19859773
Then you're not going to write a fantasy book anytime soon, let alone a good one. Simple as.

[Anonymous No.19859793]

>>19858246
you will write books that niggers will read. oh wait... they don't read see the problem?

[Anonymous No.19859798]

>>19859773
>I don't really like reading fantasy
Then why do you want to write fantasy?

[Anonymous No.19859804]

>>19859777
Well that's a bit depressing but you're right, those are the words I needed to hear (read)
I also like Ursula Le Guin and Hope Mirrlees but I suppose that's not enough
>>19859798
Because fantasy is my favourite genre of book to read besides history books and ancient texts

[Anonymous No.19859826]

>>19859804
>fantasy is my favorite genre to read I just don't like reading it
I see, so it's like that.

[Anonymous No.19859830]

>>19859826
Well I've read and re-read Tolkien over the past 15 years

[Anonymous No.19859846]

>>19859830
For starters try reading:
>Tad Williams
>Robin Hobb
>Stephen Donaldson

[Anonymous No.19859896]

I'm writing the last chapter next after only finishing the first. What do you think, anons? It's this story >>19859149 here.

[Anonymous No.19859923]

What do you all think of having periodic "villains at rest" chapters? I've seen some discussion on it and there seems to be some for and against. Personally I like it, but I was wondering what you all thought.
I was thinking of using them to show that the villains do have noble goals even if they do horrible shit (they want to overthrow the powers that be and the false history that was constructed, but they also don't have a second thought over mass slaughter of the people they're supposed to be freeing)
It also seems like a handy tool for foreshadowing, I.E. having villains talking about things that are common knowledge for them, to the effect of them giving hints without going into detail.

[Anonymous No.19859937]

>>19859896
Change font and post again.

[Anonymous No.19859941]

>>19859896
>font
You can't do this to eyes I'm going to vomit

[Anonymous No.19859954]

>>19859937
>>19859941
What? It's just Times New Roman. Here's Arial, then. Sorry to scourge your eyes, anons. It looks fine on my computer.

[Anonymous No.19859961]

>>19859923
Why should we discuss these abstract concepts when we don't have a specific example of your work to that we can evaluate. You mean is it a good idea, hypothetically? I don't know because anything can be executed badly or well depending on the skill of the author. I think this type of question is completely useless.

[Anonymous No.19859966]

>>19859954
Why is the font... Crispy...

[Anonymous No.19859986]

>>19859966
Okay, here's comic sans for you. I tried to make the font thick and juice, like a steak. I don't know why it's crispy. It's just what my computer looks like.

[Anonymous No.19860002]

Working on my first novel. About 50 000 words in and I feel like my plot is still in the beggining stages. It has become too ambitious and with too many characters. Anyone know this feel?

[Anonymous No.19860079]

>>19858182
Get this fucking whore out of my face

[Anonymous No.19860145]

>>19859712
That's just what I was looking for. Thank you.

[Anonymous No.19860148]

>>19860002

Keep going. It's a first draft. The first draft is you figuring out your story for yourself. When it's done you will know where/how/what to make edits and condense it. First drafts of even short stories are bloated.

[Anonymous No.19860160]

>>19858291

It has an immediacy that past tense can not have. It can also be a really useful tool to couple with past tense if you have a non-linear plot

[Anonymous No.19860199]

>>19858182
Is it better to base characters on real life people you met? Or base them around characters from media you liked?

[Anonymous No.19860205]

>>19860199
Real people.

[Anonymous No.19860223]

>>19860199
Real people. Just make them different enough that you don't ruin relationships and/or get sued

[Anonymous No.19860387]

>>19860199
Don't copy real people, but if you want to know what would somebody do in some event you prepared, think what would people you know would do.

[Anonymous No.19860400]

>>19860199
>Or base them around characters from media you liked?
Only if you know what the ladies like

[Anonymous No.19860432]

>>19860400
Ladies like armor plating.

[Anonymous No.19860695]

>>19859161
Spielberg was a fat Jew, Tone!

[Anonymous No.19860713]

>>19859986
>anon writing on his IBM 5100
cool

[Anonymous No.19860721]

>>19859923
I think it's a fun idea. I prefer villains to be inhuman forces of nature that elevate them beyond humanistic quality, like the Green Knight or the white whale, so that way they appear larger than life and function as a part of the real story which is my MC's character arc. Being said, recently I've started venturing into humanized antagonists and I can see the appeal. It does ultimately depend on the tone of the story and the role of the antagonist in it.
>>19860199
Experience makes for the best writing. Some of my favorite women in my life have trickled their way into my writing.

[Anonymous No.19860735]

So, what do you think?

[Anonymous No.19860901]

What are you reading, has it inspired you lately? I'm 20 chapters into the 134 chapter ordeal of Moby-Dick and then suddenly woke up jotting down an idea. There's this one paragraph about Nantucketers and half of it is about the eternal war against whales without using the word whale. Something about how he put it together made it far more sublime than just writing "and then they hunted whales." Also the allusion to Narcissus being the key to human revelation and the conceit about the world being a ship with a pulpit at the prow, all such great stuff.

[Anonymous No.19861487]

Kaijuanon here, I'm using the equation I was given to get accurate weights for the monsters, yet I keep getting really small stuff

[Anonymous No.19861522]

>>19861487
Explain?

[Anonymous No.19861525]

>>19858215
I write in the first person point of view in order to make myself and the readers feel like they are intelligent when in reality we're all a bunch of dumbasses.

[Anonymous No.19861550]

>>19861522
The equation was
>[kaiju weight] = [reference weight] x ( [kaiju height] / [reference height] )^3
But I keep getting really small numbers save for like, 2 of them. A 40 meter long snake only weighs around 23 tons for example.

[Anonymous No.19861575]

>>19861550
23 tons isn't that small. snakes are basically hollow, remember

[Anonymous No.19861580]

>>19861575
It gets much worse. There's one that's over twice the size of a fucking blue whale and only weighs half a ton.

[Anonymous No.19861598]

>>19861580
What is it, like a jellyfish?

[Anonymous No.19861600]

>>19861580
maybe your formula is totally jacked then. a blue whale weighs, lets say 100 metric tons. 4 meters high, 4 meters wide, 25 meters long. So every 0.25 cubic meter weighs 1 ton. Use that formula.

[Anonymous No.19861606]

>>19861600
sorry, sorry. every cubic meter weighs 0.25 tons.

[Anonymous No.19861671]

>>19861598
No, it's a bigass blue-whale like entity.

[Anonymous No.19861674]

>>19861550
>>19861600
That formula might be too simplified, since different body parts have different materials. The bones of a normal elephant wouldnt dense enough to support it if it was magnitudes larger than normal.

>>19861550
I don't know how realistic or how many liberties you're taking on them, but if you're looking to architect your kaijus you could try deviating from the irl body plan a bit

[Anonymous No.19861743]

>>19861674
I'm aware, but I'm mostly looking for approximate weights

[Anonymous No.19861770]

>>19861550
>>19861580
>half a ton

Did I do something different?

[Anonymous No.19861782]

>>19861770
I have no idea

[Anonymous No.19861790]

>>19861782
I googled a blue whale's data and got 130 tons for avg weight and 25m for avg length (height)

Try doing the formula again and see if you get a different result, maybe one of us did a typo

[Anonymous No.19861972]

How should I write the idea for my story out the first time it enters my head? I've taken to copying novel descriptions to hook myself into the idea and see if it's something fun I want to write.

[Anonymous No.19861981]

>>19861972
Like this:

-idea
-idea
-idea

[Anonymous No.19861990]

Whenever I read something that piques my interest, I think about how I could relate it to an element in my stories, or what understanding a character of mine might presumably have on the subject. Is this a good habit to have?

[Anonymous No.19862008]

>>19861990
As long as you don't get detail creep and want to add everything that interests you into a story. It has helped make my characters more alive, I'll say.

[Anonymous No.19862081]

>>19861972
Write a scene it's relevant in.

[Anonymous No.19862528]

>>19861598
It was a 70 meter long sea creature that was around 60 meters wide if we include it's flippers

[Anonymous No.19862626]

>>19861550
The equation is solid. I think you may be using it incorrectly (maybe unit conversion).

What are the specifics of the ones you think are wrong?

[Anonymous No.19862762]

>>19860695
Not for nuthin, but i think the jew was onta sumthin there.
Like that time maa wrote a thousand word letter of complaint against the fanook of a male nurse at the home shes in.
The next day poof! He up and disappeared!

[Anonymous No.19862842]

>>19862626
The only ones that I feel are "Right" are a 35 meter tall bipedal frog thing, at around 5000 tons and a 60 meter tall semi-therapod dinosaur that's around 24000 tons.
Everything else is confusing bullshit
>40 meter long snake is 23 tons
>20 meter tall wolf is 1160 tons
>20 meter long rabbit is 122 tons
>40 meter tall mantis is 101 tons
>25 meter tall raven is only 151 tons

[Anonymous No.19862854]

>>19862842
mantis and bird might be accurate since they must be light to fly

[Anonymous No.19862860]

>>19862854
Except the mantis is also covered with cybernetics.

[Anonymous No.19862968]

>>19862842
just add a zero to each and call it a day. maybe add two zeros to the snake instead

[Anonymous No.19862969]

I am stuck. I'm looking for a word that just does not pop into my head. Not a native speaker, but I still wanted to try writing in English.
Does anyone have a word for that moment when a person is just (usually) sitting and staring at nothingness and their mind wanders all around, like meditating but not trying to empty the mind either? It happens usually when one is tired and can't focus and their mind is "out there".

[Anonymous No.19862984]

>>19862969
zoning out

[Anonymous No.19862998]

>>19862860
Then calculate a megamantis, figure out hiw much tech is in it, find a machine that size and its weight, and do both

[Anonymous No.19863094]

>>19860713
It's just Windows 7 using LibreOffice. I don't get what the problem is. I used ClarisWorks back in the day. Never liked MSOffice...

[Anonymous No.19863396]

>>19858993
Tortilla Curtain, TC Boyle

[Anonymous No.19863681]

I just taught my first writing workshop. Was pretty nervous and I couldn't tell if the group was enjoying themselves.

[Anonymous No.19863687]

>>19858182
BUILT FOR BBC

[Anonymous No.19863762]

I want to write a time travel story (I gotta cave on my prohibition against them at least once), with the gimmick that the time travel is entirely contained in the narrative, I don't jump back to before chapter 1. And then,what I do is I reset the page count to whatever page I was on when MC went back to that moment.

So, if it was tuesday, noon on page 50, then a hundred pages later, he goes back in time, to tuesday at noon, the page count resets to 50, but gets written 50-II

Won't add much of anything narratively, but I think it would make people talk about it, and I think it would be cool

[Anonymous No.19863770]

>>19863762
Ideas are a dime a dozen, come back to us when you've written something

[Anonymous No.19863777]

>>19863770
You chose the wrong anon to make that complaint to. Pretty sure the only person more prolific in writing than me is F Gardner.

My book is in the mail. Where the fuck is yours?

[Anonymous No.19863784]

>>19863777
In Amazon. I still don't care about your high concept idea you won't execute.

[Anonymous No.19863793]

>>19863770
This man hasn’t even read F. Gardner has he?
Anons, he’s published, you’re not. How does that make you feel sir copes a lot?

[Anonymous No.19863811]

>>19858226
I used to have this at college. It's so fun to have a regular writing club. I miss those guys and their shitty stories

[Anonymous No.19863848]

>>19863811
Who says we can't have that, or that we don't have it already? I mean, this thread's an aproximation to it as is

[Anonymous No.19863855]

Maybe I'm just dumb, but I'm not seeing a difference between AO3 and Royal Road, other than that the fetish/smut content is easier to find on the former. Why would you want to publish to either as opposed to self-publishing on Amazon?

[Anonymous No.19863910]

>>19863855
I'm posting on RR serially in order to use the time to edit/finish the draft and get feedback. When I start posting the sequel on RR I'm going to move the first one to Amazon after maybe a month and hopefully solicit reviews from the people who read it. The readerbase for the three sites are different. Each time you're putting it in front of new eyes.

[Anonymous No.19863925]

>>19863855
I don't care for commercializing. I don't want to make a penny off my work. I get friends sometimes who urge me to do so but I steadfastly refuse. I don't care about expanding my reader base either. If readers find it they'll find it, if they don't they don't. It's no big deal for me. My audience is the person I see in the mirror and I see my work and audience like a boat, if they stick for the ride then that's that, if they depart halfway then that's that. I can't speak for everyone of course.

>but I'm not seeing a difference between AO3 and Royal Road,
One is almost exclusivity for fanfics and not much for original stories. I'd say RR has arguably the best discoverability mechanics out of any webserial platform too.

[Anonymous No.19863937]

>>19863910
Smart anon. I was wondering why someone wouldn't just publish on all available sites, but I haven't published shit so I wouldnt know

[Anonymous No.19863978]

>>19863937
Kindle Unlimited requires exclusivity so that's why I'm going to be pulling it from RR when making the switch. The people with KU can read the book for free (included in their monthly subscription fee) and you get paid per impression or pageview or something. I dunno the rate exactly.

[Anonymous No.19864005]

>>19863777
>>19863793
I don't get it f gardner wrote his books out and did not just leave them as ideas.

[Anonymous No.19864006]

>>19863681
Well go on and tell us about it, anon.

[Anonymous No.19864010]

>>19863777
Can I get a link bro?

[Anonymous No.19864015]

>>19864010
I've posted here in the past. Doesn't seem like a good idea to advertise who I am after confronting the other anon

[Anonymous No.19864034]

>>19863681
Well, now that's over, do you feel like you did a good job?

[Anonymous No.19864037]

>>19864006
The prompt I gave was "introduce a character" since my old teacher said people used that to subconsciously present themselves how they wish to the group. The 15 year old wrote about a socially awkward introvert, the 30 year old wrote about a guy out of his depth in the middle of a very crazy writing workshop, and the 60 year old wrote about a kid who's a dilligent worker for the family.

>>19864034
No.

[Anonymous No.19864039]

Would Patreon be a viable alternative in between publishings?

[Anonymous No.19864058]

>>19864037
Based boomer

[Anonymous No.19864069]

>>19864037
The first time is usually awkward. If this is something that you're gonna keep doing, I'm sure you've already entertained yourself with plenty of self-criticism and realized what you can change to do better next time. Best of luck.

[Anonymous No.19864072]

Ill never finish my robot story ... My 9-5 job keeps getting in the way

[Anonymous No.19864075]

>>19864069
Thanks. I just hope my diagnosed generalised anxiety won't get mischievous and crush me with being unable to leave the house for three years like last time I pushed it too hard with exposure therapy.

[Anonymous No.19864111]

>>19864075
Look at the bright side, even if your anxiety leaves you homebound, that'll just give you even more time to work on your workshops

[Anonymous No.19864115]

>>19864111
Thanks bro.

[Anonymous No.19864122]

>>19864115
Take care bro.

[Anonymous No.19864150]

>>19864072
Post Emily or I'll rip your nuts off

[Anonymous No.19864176]

>>19864075
Culture bound syndrome.
It’s a feeling not a mental disorder.
Fuck off and go lift weights.

[Anonymous No.19864223]

Who can grace me with feedback?

>>19858515
no such thing as too much clauses so long as what you're trying to convey is thematically linked and not completely disparate.
>>19858591
very nice rhythm to the writing but the content is a bit heavy-handed imo

[Anonymous No.19864267]

>>19864223
>a panorama held
stopped reading there.

[Anonymous No.19864281]

>>19864223
You did a good job - it was easy to read and the scene depicted was pleasantly displayed, I was able to close my eyes and picture the cool night wind seeping under my sweater while sitting on that balcony .

The only commentary I could make would be advising you to consider segmenting that paragraph, perhaps at the point where narration shifts from admiring the birds to looking back down at the waking peoples.
This is just, like, my opinion, man, but reading feels less like a task to complete when the text gives you room to see ideas start and end, as well as just offering plenty of possible stopping points

[Anonymous No.19864301]

>>19864267
"fuck"
>>19864281
thank you, yeah I need to insert more discerning line breaks so it isn't bogged like it is now

[Anonymous No.19864305]

Could someone help me understand when to use 'pretext' or 'pretense?' For years, I thought it was:

>Pretext: I put away a bunch of gangsters under the 'pretext' of finding the diamond thief. Yes, I am looking for the thief, but the ACTUAL reason I'm doing this is to clean up the streets.

>Pretense: I am traveling to this country under the 'pretense' of paying respects to its leader. But I'm actually just going to kill him. I have no intention of paying respects.

I realize, of course, that this would make 'pretense' and 'false pretense' interchangeable. But now I'm reading that a 'pretense' is an 'exaggeration' or an 'aspiration.' I've held onto my own definitions of these words based how I've heard them used for so long, I can't wrap my head around what they actually mean. Could I get some examples of these words being properly used?

[Anonymous No.19864318]

>>19864305
just look at the etymology:

pretext: early 16th century: from Latin praetextus ‘outward display’, from the verb praetexere ‘to disguise’, from prae ‘before’ + texere ‘weave’.

pretense: late Middle English: from Anglo-Norman French pretense, based on medieval Latin pretensus ‘pretended’, alteration of Latin praetentus, from the verb praetendere

pretense is connected to pretentious and has that connotation. pretext is more directly about lying or deception.

[Anonymous No.19864351]

Would you keep reading?

[Anonymous No.19864368]

>>19864351
>that first sentence
Emma much?

[Anonymous No.19864380]

>>19864351
The scene you're painting could hold promise, but your writing needs work.
Without knowing anything about what you're creating I can see you're trying to tell me the irony of trillionare man getting killed, and how the vista matches Korwin's attitude... but... eh. Its flavor isn't completely developed

[Anonymous No.19864391]

>>19864351
separating trillionare and industrialist with a comma makes it sound off.
>Korwin sighed
stopped reading here. it's incredible how immediately amateurs reveal their hand.

[Anonymous No.19864403]

>>19864391
What put you off?

[Anonymous No.19864412]

>>19864380
What is missing, in a handful of words?

[Anonymous No.19864430]

>>19864351
I like it. I would change it to
>Gerald Gregorian Almatius, age fifty-six, had sunken into his hand-sewn leather chair. A man of many accomplishments. Trillionaire. Industrialist. Visionary. His last witness stood on the veranda inches away from the body. Korwin sighed and turned away to look at the sky. He didn't often get a chance to see stars and the tiny pinpricks of light filling the negative space between the grid of A/C racks, thermal shielding and duct work were twinkling. An uncommon sight on Mars, but the tower estate located all the way on the edge provided an uncommon view.

[Anonymous No.19864437]

>>19864403
Well just up to the point where I stopped reading:
>three verbs that mean basically the same thing
>aged fifty six comes after describing the chair
>stood
>introducing a character by proper name before describing him
>Korwin

[Anonymous No.19864439]

>>19864412
The anon two posts above you put it much simpler, it's clear that you're writing with direct inspiration from work you've seen: The fancy name followed by the list of archievements, the cool assassin sighing and acting slick, the aspects of the environment you choose to describe... I can't really offer you a correction without rewriting your post altogether, so just keep practicing?

[Anonymous No.19864440]

>>19864437
three nouns*

[Anonymous No.19864445]

>>19864223
I have no idea what this is about other than a tradie in the morning possibly in the outskirts of a capital city... maybe?
Spend less time describing the scenery which is quite laboured. "The panorama held" "starting to reveal itself".
Why is it important to describe what the Cockatoos feel?
>Soon the colony's most regimented would be in the process of bracing their minds and slipping themselves into uniform garments of discretion appropriate for the job
This one is particularly egregious. I mean, the metaphor of a colony feels out of place. You've been discussing cockatoos, not ants or bees. Nor have you mentioned anything 'colonial' and missed out an opportunity to play on 'regimented' with a allusion to Redcoats. "would be in the process" - you don't need to say they would be... you've already started off with "soon". "bracing their minds" for what? "garments of discretion" - what is a garment of discretion? A Niqab? A Victorian dress that doesn't show ankles? A ninja costume that allows espionage possible? The weird thing is, you don't need to say "garment of discretion" nor mention "appropriate for their job" - you've already said: uniform
Here's how I would rewrite it:
>Soon slipping into their uniforms and vocations
You don't need to say "most regimented" because you've already mentioned "so many civilians"

[Anonymous No.19864455]

>>19864437
>stood
Explain.

[Anonymous No.19864459]

>>19864455
No.

[Anonymous No.19864460]

>>19864439
I might just post a revised whole chapter later for a better picture. The character is not the assassin, which probably doesn't matter if readers don't make it that far.

[Anonymous No.19864465]

>>19864437
>Korwin
I don't know what that anon was going for my assumption is that its a reference to Bruce Willis as Korben Dallas

[Anonymous No.19864474]

>>19864455
Stood niggas be like

[Anonymous No.19864476]

>>19864351
I like how quickly you've established what genre/world this exists in, ending it on 'Mars'. But "trillionaire" sort of makes me think this is going to be a parody. I mean, we all know inflation will never stop, but if this is extraterrestrial then how do we know they're still counting in a denomination we're familiar with. But the line "he didn't often get a chance to see the stars" feels a bit maudlin. "The negative space" feels too much like analyzing the graphic design of a billboard advertisement. I applaud you for not trying to rely on cliches like "the void" but it just misses the mark.
the other thing is your trillionaire gets a triple name, feels off that Korwin mononymous.

[Anonymous No.19864573]

>>19864445
really appreciate the critique...you're right about everything...fuck my writing is a fucking disgrace

[Anonymous No.19864579]

>>19864573
Now quit bitching and get to fixing it
Fag

[Anonymous No.19864613]

>>19864476
Every major corp has their own "coin" tethered to the central government chain. A trillion in a big corp's own currency could be far, far more in standard money.

[Anonymous No.19864617]

>>19864573
First drafts are allowed to be disgraces.
I think you just need to write more to the point.

[Anonymous No.19864625]

Hi writers.
New writer wants to know what are some ways to see whether or not I should get into writing.
Is being a good writer genetic?

[Anonymous No.19864626]

>>19864613
If that's the case in your story: I'd lose the 'trillionaire' epithet. There's only two kinds of trillionaires: middle class Zimbabweans and parodic supervillains... why do you think Dr. Evil's "one m-billion dollars" is so iconic?

[Anonymous No.19864633]

>>19864625
>to see whether or not I should get into writing.
Write something. get feedback. Improve. If you can't improve, then maybe you're not a writer.
That's all.

[Anonymous No.19864634]

>>19858515
I think the third sentence starting with “Miss Jacoby” is a run on. I would split it like this:

“…anything she ever felt before. She found herself not just returning the hug, but actually lifting the small boy in her arms.”

End the sentence with how she felt, then start the next one with how she acts.

[Anonymous No.19864636]

>>19864625
If you can't trace your family tree to AT LEAST Picasso, you don't stand a chance as a writer

[Anonymous No.19864639]

>>19864626
>>19864613
Wait, let me clarify, I'd lose the trillionaire epithet so early in your story because without that context there's only two kinds of trillionaires...

[Anonymous No.19864640]

>>19864625
If you need to ask randos whether or not you should even try, don't.

[Anonymous No.19864647]

>>19864617
I WISH i could say that was my first draft

[Anonymous No.19864658]

>>19864647
Anon stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself and just try and internalize the lessons of the feedback. You've agreed it's right - okay, how do you apply that? And also Nabokov proudly boasted his pencils outlasted his erasers. Your umpeenth draft is allowed to be a disgrace.

[Anonymous No.19864663]

>>19864625
It's not genetic

[Anonymous No.19864665]

I like writing but I hate other writers. I write all my stories down in a notebook and I share them with nobody. I can't imagine anybody reading them and genuinely liking them, but I still feel proud of them because I took something from my head and brought it into reality. I think writing for an audience is honestly cucked. I would rather be a rich man first who then writes whatever I feel like unfiltered and people read it and hate it before I ever change something I wrote to appeal to anybody else, especially other writers

[Anonymous No.19864666]

>>19864634
>I think the third sentence starting with “Miss Jacoby” is a run on.
You would think wrong. It's grammatically correct.

[Anonymous No.19864679]

>>19864665
Writers do tend to be a horrid group. But think of it as trial by fire. If you can't deal with your colleagues being human trash, how will you deal with consumers?

Also, if you aren't writing for consumers, then the income doesn't matter at all, doesn't matter if you're rich or poor because the story ain't your income anyways.

[Anonymous No.19864687]

>>19864625
Yes, it's predominantly genetic. The rest of the environmental factors are settled by early childhood. If you haven't been reading (or read to) since you were a toddler, you have very little chance of writing something of even mediocre quality. Here's a basic exercise: take a well known work of foreign literature that has multiple translations. Take several passages from the translations, scramble them up and then see if you can tell the difference between them. That's the bar for mediocrity. If you can also rank the translations (with respect to the writing itself, not fidelity to the original, and without necessarily articulating why one is better than another, just by gut instinct alone) you may have the baseline verbal IQ necessary to write something half-decent. The rest, as Henry James said, is "a mighty will, that's all there is".

[Anonymous No.19864691]

>>19864666
Feels cluttered tho

[Anonymous No.19864694]

>>19864691
Sounds like a you problem.

[Anonymous No.19864695]

>>19864665
Ok.

[Anonymous No.19864748]

>>19864647
I know you didn't ask for it, but I wanted to see how much I could trim it down. I totally lost the rainbow parakeets. But I want you to think about - this is what I got from it: and this is what I mean when I said "I don't know what it's about", so if I've missed anything important, that tells you what is the stuff you need to cut out so it doesn't distract from the important stuff
>I watch the dawn on my balcony as it washes away indigo from those distant towers, underscored by the percussion of tools swinging in the tray of a Hilux. The metallic ringing must be awakening suburbanites, and the cockatoos that volley past my window.
>In flatblocks and two-bedroomers, those who could sleep will be pulling off their doonas. Readily slipping into their uniforms and vocations. I have satisfaction for this instant. The calm before the storm. Before the bustling of business and chaos of commerce. Before the kitchen reverberates with cutlery on countertops and toaster springs. Ringing through the house, through the floorboards, up the stairs, and rattling my brain and jaw.

[Anonymous No.19864767]

Might as well post this while people are being brutal with feedback. Beta Readers liked it so that's encouraging.

[Anonymous No.19864771]

>>19864767
>could find her hiding spot
stopped reading there.

[Anonymous No.19864850]

>>19864771
I actually agree with this How about
>At any moment the security team aboard the STS Arcadia would burst in, filling the pressure suit storage closet with the cold, white lights mounted on their rifles. Any moment now her fraying composure would collapse entirely, and her short, shallow breathing would turn erratic, filling the small room with unmistakable gasps of hyperventilation. One of the crew, one of the paying customers, one of their children would hear. "Mommy, Daddy" the child would innocently remark, "do you hear that?" And then the dead white light would fill her hiding spot. Valentina screwed her eyes shut and tried to slow her rapid breathing. Even the morbid thought of being shot out of an airlock was better than the alternative she kept revisiting in her mind.

[Anonymous No.19864852]

>>19864767
We know what's happening, we know the character is in crises which is good. Many of the snippets I see in these threads don't "cut to the chase" which you have quite literally. Unfortunately the writing is very clunky, I'll pick some examples of clunkyness and you can figure out the rest
>The glorified pressure suit storage closet now seemed like a literal dead end
There is so much fat in this sentence alone.
>Needless to say
Then why write it? "needless to say" should be used ironically. You've already established she's fearing for her life, so indeed it is needless to say she's anxious.
>That single question borne out of hunger invited the cook to ask her name and what room she was quartered in so he could send along additional food if she needed it
This sentence is very unwieldy, it sounds like the cook asking her room number was the result of yet another question, this "single question" earlier. Also if it's a mess hall with 'rations' why would the chef offer to send up more?
btw. was this at all inspired by 'A Countess from Hong Kong'?

[Anonymous No.19864863]

>>19864850
Solid, though I'd have to change some things to make it fit my style
>>19864852
Good insights. I can fix these. And no, it wasn't inspired by anything in particular. I simply approached the scene as I would in framing a /tg/ TTRPG or /qst/ opener

[Anonymous No.19865035]

OMFG....
>Update windows 10
>ENTIRE FUCKING STORY I WAS WORKING ON IS ON SOME SHIT CALLED ONE DRIVE
>CAN'T ACCESS IT

FUCK YOU BILL GATES!!!! FUCK YOU. I AM NOT PAYING $50 A MONTH TO GET MY STORY BACK

[Anonymous No.19865104]

I want to write poetry well and don't entirely know what constitutes "good" or "bad" poetry. I wrote this today after speaking with a friend whom I hadn't spoken to in a while, what do you guys think?:
ΑΓΑΠΗ -
As illusion fades and eyes behold,
The truth is laid bare as a clear lens.
The mind no longer frets nor scolds
As true sight allows falsehood to end.
My heart is open, allowed to express
So bonds might grow like a tall oak.
Roots are made firm, binding hollowness
For this vessel to be remade in my kinsfolk.

[Anonymous No.19865134]

>>19865104
I like it. Feels like something about shedding personal prejudices in order to grow meaningful relationships.

[Anonymous No.19865141]

>>19858182
name?

[Anonymous No.19865211]

Do you title your chapters or just put a number?

[Anonymous No.19865215]

>>19865211
In a novel, I use titles. In shorter pieces it's just numbers.

[Anonymous No.19865274]

>>19865211
I name and number them in my webnovel

[Anonymous No.19865283]

>>19858246
Thank you anon, I just submitted a short story. I don’t think it’ll get published, but it’s a first step.

[Anonymous No.19865310]

Don't know how to link a full chap cuz im retarded

[Anonymous No.19865382]

>>19865310
>omit 'sat dead'. Insert some variation of 'slumped' after 'fifty-six'.
>omit 'drink' after amber. Redundant, the drink is implied.
>omit 'own' after 'Gerald's'. Unnecessary.
>Eyes travelled to where? Probably a bad use of the verb. Reconsider. Also following 'his' in the sentence after Gerald's name, implies it might be Gerald's eyes doing the action.
>Third paragraph, second sentence: awkward beyond salvation. Restructure entirely. 'dawn of sorts'????

Overall, there's a few sentences that related to one another; you could consider using semicolons there to help with flow. Unless, of course, you are trying to make everything seem more jarring with short, short sentence structures.

[Anonymous No.19865396]

>>19865382
Thanks. I get critique who want short sentences and critics who don't care either way.

[Anonymous No.19865979]

This threaad has been the best one in a while. What gives?

[Anonymous No.19865985]

I want to write historical fiction but I haven't studied enough for it to be authentic
Feels bad

[Anonymous No.19866007]

>>19865985
write alternative history fiction, and handwave away any inaccuracies as "different timeline"

[Anonymous No.19866018]

>>19865985
Write fantasy inspired by history then. Nobody is going to complain about small details when you have dragons and wizards in the background.

[Anonymous No.19866306]

>>19866018
World war two but with dragons it is.

[Anonymous No.19866322]

>>19858342
if you write well enough, people won't even notice they aren't there.

[Anonymous No.19866390]

>>19865035
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=7SSOCabqCKI&feature=share

[Anonymous No.19866412]

Im so fucking manic and sexually frustrated havent seen my gf in a week and I cant jerk off because im a revovering sex addict. Ive been doing pull ups for the last hour, 88 push ups. I have a 100kg safe ive been overhead pressing. Took four vals and im still going.

Im seeing her tomorrow and told her she wasnt allowed to touch herself until she saw me next and she broke that promise so im going to make her beg like a dog. Until she tries. Im going to edge her until she fucking cries. Im going to tie her up and then make her say sorry over and over and over until semantic satiation sets in and then ill slap her back to reality and make her donit all over again. Im going to spit in her mouth. Im going to fuck her against the wall until theres dents. Until theres no space between me and her and the wall with dents in it.

I feel like telling a volcanic eruption to shut the fucl up. I feel like breaming a sledgehammer. Im going to fucking evsicerate her. Im going to make her beg like shes never begged before.

I bought her designer cothes today and im going to make her wear them and then tesr them to shreds. And ill make her beg me to do it. Im going to leave stains that wont come out. Im going to choke her so hard well have to find a semiotic safeword. Fuck. Im a fucking caveman. I going to make her sorry. Im going to make her cum so hard after she begs me just right and then im going to make her rub her clit rifht after until she cums again. Im going to break the deckchair outside im staring at while chainsmoking. Im going to cremate her with her own lust. Im going to push her against my door so hard itll break off of its hinges. Im going to make he bruises look like storm clouds. Im going to make her wish she was never born and then hapoy that she was. She is mine. She is mine. She belongs to me. She thinks shes knows that tomorrow im going to make her understand it. When im done eith her she wont know what wet patches are tears or sweat. Im going to make tarzan look like a diplomat. She has no idea what shes in for. Im ready to break some priceless objects and then make her auction off the shards.

[Anonymous No.19866425]

>>19866412

[Anonymous No.19866446]

>>19866412
>Im going to spit in her mouth
Whoa there, slow down de Sade

[Anonymous No.19866455]

>>19866412
>nuts within two pumps

[Anonymous No.19866470]

>>19866306
>World war two but with dragons
This gives me the idea of a cold war with dragons. Dragons nearly wiped mankind out during the middle ages, but all were slain. History proceeded as usual, though the occasional dormant egg was found, lost hundreds of years past and only hatched by forest fire or unwitting men. A few dragon hatching incidents were triggered over the course of the second world war, including a devastating one resulting from a napalm which changed the course of the war in Japan.

Following the war, the US and Russia began secretly amassing thousands of dragon eggs. Even raising captive dragons in hopes that they could breed more. In a matter of years, enough eggs existed to wipe out mankind entirely.

[Anonymous No.19866509]

>>19866455
I dont have an olfactory period. Its actually ruined a large part of my life.

[Anonymous No.19866685]

>>19866412

You are more fever than man--the spirits you attracted during your sex addiction have replaced your mind. You're not in this world. You can't even make your girlfriend refrain from touching herself for a week. Clearly she doesn't need you. You are sputtering like a candle on an online messageboard, not bright enough to even partly illuminate the cavernous vagina of your degenerate girlfriend (who by the way, has become infected by your sickness and has become a reflection of you).

[Anonymous No.19866734]

>>19866412
This sounds like the start of a car commercial.

[Anonymous No.19866845]

I must stop using the internet after work. This is the next step for more disciplined writing. I can already open a book a read for 2 hours without hesitation, just dont think and keep opening up the story doc. It's that simple I'm a few days into this habit.

[Anonymous No.19867216]

I'm new to these threads. Would something like "write a sentence based on pic related" fit?

[Anonymous No.19867282]

>>19867216
A prompt is fine too.

[Anonymous No.19867348]

>>19867216
A sentence? Just one sentence? ONLY ONE SINGULAR SENTENCE? That goddess of Eastern European beauty deserves infinitely more than just one sentence, you Cretan! The bored and dead-pan stare. The way your hair waves around and covers half her face. It's almost as if brushing her hair away and smiling would cause us to combust from the beauty. And then, when her eye finally trains on us, the stare turns from boredom to a mix of mild intrigue and loathsome disgust, reminding us of our place in the order of things. And finally, to both assure us all of her divinity and to show mercy upon us, she spits her gum at us. Perhaps this could also be a test, to prove our worthiness. If we catch the gum in our mouths, we demonstrate our reflexes and agility and our ability to take decisive action. To those unable to catch it, she becomes amused at how they scramble on the ground, most likely desperately digging in the snow, searching for the only taste of her they'll ever know.

All this, and you ask for one messily little sentence.
Pathetic.

[Anonymous No.19867372]

Why does Write What's On Your Mind feel like a schizo dumping ground while /wg/ actually feels like a writing forum

[Anonymous No.19867393]

>>19867372
Because one is where you can just bullshit about whatever and the other has a set topic. Are you this fucking brain dead?

Hello, McFly? Anyone there?

[Anonymous No.19867412]

>>19867393
Shut up BIFF, go clean my car dumbass

[Anonymous No.19867428]

>>19867412
Sorry, can't hear you from my wannabe Trump Tower

[Anonymous No.19867767]

>>19865035
>Being tech illiterate in 2022
You deserve it.

[Anonymous No.19868025]

>>19867348
Good job!

[Anonymous No.19868243]

>>19865035
>keeping your shit in the cloud
cringe

[Anonymous No.19868815]

>>19864767
The other anon's points are well-made.

I think you are probably a good enough writer that upon further editing rounds you will notice everything that has to be changed on your own. Nevertheless, I'll point out that you resort to some cliches, you hav some redundancy, you have some unnecessary info in various places.

For example, you don't have to say Europa in th first paragraph. It's statd in the last paragraph. Just say a month-long journey and that's intriguing enough to the reader. Where can she be going?

The closet has to be simplified (glorified pressure suit storage closet doesn't work). And once established dont' have to be too detailed on next mention, ie you can simply say closet door.

Keep the language simple and tight. You are not cuting it down to the core. You are also using past perfct too much. Get rid of cliches like jumping out of her skin.

[Anonymous No.19868846]

>>19868815
Cliches are my crutch, though I will say this draft doesn't have nearly as many as the first one did. The unnecessary info is an interesting point. I'll go back and attempt to cull some of the descriptions/hints. What I really need is a proper editor to highlight issues like this. My usual one isn't available and my self-editing skills are admittedly subpar. Still, I appreciate the points you brought up all the same.

[Anonymous No.19869170]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35806747
https://archiveofourown.org/works/33275248
what does /lit/ think of these stories?

[Anonymous No.19869194]

>>19869170
Are you the dude that posts incredibles incest fanfics on /b/?

[Anonymous No.19869198]

>>19869194
no, that must be someone else

[Anonymous No.19869313]

The Pig
>He shouldn't have had the gun
>It came from America, and so did he
>"U.S. PROPERTY", said it right there on the stock. It often gave him comfort to look at that
>"Shit, so am I" he would say to himself, or maybe to the gun. It didn't matter
>It almost became a ritual to him. He'd talk about the home with his gun. Tell him about mom and pop and Cheryl down the street, everything that made him happy
>"You remember it don't ya? I mean, it's your home too pal"
>It was nice having someone to talk to. Nobody in is squad would talk to him. They didn't seem to like him all that much. Nobody shared meals with him or sat with him as he maintained his gear, nobody seemed to care about him. They only seemed to like him during the fighting. But only for a bit
>He didn't know what to do at first. He trained with the gun, well not THAT gun but one exactly like it. But when he first had to use it he didn't know what to do
>Charlie was screaming down the valley and he had no idea what to do
>Then someone shouted at him, and he remembers the words so well, "Man get that fucking Pig up right now and eat"
>And something clicked in him. So he just put up the gun, and started firing
>He found the targets easy, black pajamas on a green forest. They went down so easy
>Him and his piggie. Chowing down on some charlie
>It became his favorite part of the day. If he didn't get to do it, he would go to sleep angry
>It was better than church, it was peaceful, it was orgasmic, it was unlike anything he'd ever experienced before
> He'd shoot anything and everything. He'd torn up villages just to feed the pig. He'd killed families just to eat
>He was one with the gun. He loved it more than anything
>He wasn't holding it when he got shot though, he blamed himself for not taking pig with him to piss
>He screamed worse when they told him he was going home than when he got hit
>How could he live without his pig?

[Anonymous No.19869351]

>>19869313
I don't really think vietnam war era stuff resonates with anyone under the age of 65. Do you think you chose vietnam because it was sort of the last gasp of shared, spiritual americanism? The 80's was souless (or soulful) materialism. The 90's was sort of the last bit of normalcy. Then 2001 and onward its just been this combination of creeping police state and weird centralized jew recycled cultural wasteland.

[Anonymous No.19869352]

>>19869194
Tell me more about these incest first. Are they Violet and Dash or Violet and Bob or Helen and Dash or Bob and Dash or Helen and Violet?

[Anonymous No.19869362]

>>19869313
>How could he live without that cold black joy the battle had brought him?
>The plane landing didn't give him any joy, the hippies screaming at him didn't, his mother crying sad tears, his father's cold judgement, Cheryl's husband, none of it brought him any happiness.
>He laid awake in the night, staring at the ceiling, hoping for a firefight to break out in podunk
>None of it came, the war was across the world and has left him behind.
>He got a job, maybe keeping busy would make him forget the life he left behind. It didn't
>He tried to date, maybe a warm touch would sate his restless nights. Nobody would come near
>He tried to go back to church, but how could you worship when you used to be a god?
>His life was a quiet whimper, where it was once a deafening roar.
>He decided to take his life that night.
>He had the rope, he kept it in his room since he came home
>He left it on the bed that morning, figuring that one more day at work wouldn't be so bad.
>On the way home he actually felt relieved, whatever came after would surely be better than this droll hell he was living.
>But when he entered the bedroom and flicked on the light, it wasn't a noose he saw. But the Pig
>The long, fat, black M60 sat on his bed, the belt pouring out the side and piled on the floor
>He rubbed his eyes to see if he was dreaming, but it remained
>He reached out to touch it, and his hand felt hot black steel. His nose smelt smoke and jungle and napalm fires.
>"You shouldn't be here" he said aloud, groping the stock
>He left it in country, there's no way it could have been here, but there it was, right before him, PIG still carved in the butt
>Tears rolled down his face as he picked it up, the belt spilling onto the floor
>He cradled the gun in his arms, smiling as he looked down on his black babe. It was as if he was holding his own child.
>He chucked his friend over his shoulder, walked giddily out of the house, and joked with pig "hey, let's go eat some slop"

[Anonymous No.19869435]

I haven't done anything that wasn't.... collective writing, since highschool, but I got the itch to get back into the swing of things after making a habit of keeping a dream diary.This is an idea that I have had in my mind for a couple weeks, a short story that has probably happened to a few anons here - Fake annecdote. I think is a fancy way to say it. My goal was to make the reader have a bit of fun at the character's expense, but maybe the punchline is too drawn out to work.

I finally got myself to focus and just write it down, so feedback is appreciated

>files.catbox.moe/cdnbuo.png
>Country boys get rangebanned from posting images so they gotta make due

[Anonymous No.19869455]

>>19869352
I don't click on the link for obvious reasons, but iirc it's futa Helen and Dash. I suspect that poster also shills his ben 10 fics on there
And no, I'm afraid they're not about Gwen

[Anonymous No.19869659]

>>19869455
Tastes I can get behind.

[Anonymous No.19869739]

Test

[Anonymous No.19869772]

>>19869659
>that image
I fucking hate this site.
So much.

I'll see you guys tomorrow.

[Anonymous No.19869777]

>>19869772
See you in half an hour

[Anonymous No.19869790]

>>19869777
y-yeah, that was the joke. I was doing the "you're here forever" bit.

[Anonymous No.19869960]

What do you guys think?

[Anonymous No.19869991]

>>19869960
>but preferred the lies because trut guaranteed a gruesome death by their enemy where lies promised victory
this reads weird

[Anonymous No.19870163]

How does this sound? Kaijuanon here.
Context is that the villainous Kaiju has seemingly won a while ago, and now has the obedience of both the evil and more neutral characters in the story. It's a foggy-ass day as he's just wrecking shit with a bunch of his new croonies. Suddenly, something jumps out of the at the other end of the city, albeit badly obscured by the fog. It's the protagonist Kaiju, who has, unbeknownst to the world, pulled a Shin Godzilla and evolved to become more powerful even though he looked like he was dead
>Everyone else around him had stopped what they were doing out of what resembled fear, as if what they had heard had awoken some kind of survival instinct deep within their souls. He stared into the fog with the same confidence he did everything else, as he was aware nothing on this earth could truly defeat him. It wasn't just something he thought of himself, it was a cold hard fact, as true as the sky.
>If all of these groveling weaklings were frightened into stillness by such a noise, then it made sense as to how he was able to conquer them all so easily. Yet, no matter how hard he tried to shake it, something felt off. As if something in that fog was making direct eye contact with him, glaring past his pupils.
>He made that oh too signature grin and stared at one of them. The long one with the frill and the fangs, to be specific. His glare made the fear in it's eyes melt away, only to be replaced with stark terror. He motioned his shoulder towards the fog, as if telling his lackey to go check it out. Surely enough, it went into the fog, with the shiver down it's spine being almost palpable to the others. It didn't want to obey, but disobedience promised a far worse fate
>They waited. Every second felt like an eternity with the rain showering down upon their scales, hair, and skin. How long did they wait? How long did it last? Not even their "Leader" knew.
>Then it happened. A pair of roars echoed out from deep within the fog, faint to the point that one might've just mistook them for the rain itself. Then a much more audible sound reached their ears. It sounded like a combination of a sonic boom and a crashing tidal wave. A mere moment after that, it gave way to the sound of a dam breaking. 4 seconds after that, something swung past them. No one else knew what it was, but as he dodged it casually, his laser-focused vision noticed that it appeared to be a massive spray of blood stained water, almost like a beam.
>The long ones body was hurled out of the fog and barreled right into the chest of the hairiest of them. Part of it was torn out, clearly by teeth, it's body was slashed up, and part of it's tail had just been blown clean off. With that, a familiar, yet distorted sound emitted from the depths of the fog. And with that noise, everyone else began to step back.
>It was then he understood. That one that had given him so much trouble wasn't dead after all, and now he was here to try again.

[Anonymous No.19870255]

>>19870163
Good evening Kaijuanon, did you end up changing your weights?

>spoiler & greentext
Let's see
>...deep within their souls
Perhaps synapses might be a better term since you're talking about survival instinct, or a similar concept to say "the lizard part of their brain"
>He made his oh too signature grin and stared one of them
Is this in reference to a Kaiju's actions?Maybe this is me, but unless it's a primate-looking monster a grin feels too human. I don't know your writing style, but the "oh too signature" doesn't feel like it'd match a sudden kaiju match. Unless you're going for an anime Yare yare daze angle
>The description of the sounds
Metaphores could probably give the BOOMs and POWs a better vibe. The booming crash of an unseen wave that was tall enough to drown the clouds, or something.

As an aside, maybe you could come up with an onomatopeia specific for main kaiju, so that instead of a roar that everyone recognized, you can just go GWAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and everyone will understand the gamer has levelled up

[Anonymous No.19870325]

>>19869991
agreed
>>19869960
very vague. How can a hologram be filled with emptiness? Why would they be sliced open, by who? Why should I care about Win squeezing out a few more moments of life - what does Win have to live for? Also who the fuck is Sommen and why do I care what offends them?
I'd flip the whole thing because now there's no sense of impending danger.

[Anonymous No.19870364]

>>19869991
>>19870325
Yeah idk this is a 2021 book from an award-winning author. Guess not even best-selling writers can answer every character arc and setting defining question in the first paragraph of ch.1, nor can they give a sense of impending doom within fifty words.

[Anonymous No.19870373]

>>19870163
>the villainous Kaiju has seemingly won a while ago
>It's a foggy-ass day as he's just wrecking shit with a bunch of his new croonies
I'm just wondering how any cities are left standing if the kaiju won awhile ago
>the protagonist Kaiju
I see. Are they all aliens or something and this is the new kid on the block?

[Anonymous No.19870384]

>>19870373
No. Look, the monsters all have a lot of varying origins.

[Anonymous No.19870387]

>>19870163
are you an artist? if no, then please draw a picture of your favorite monster.

[Anonymous No.19870397]

>>19870387
I DO have the eye of each monster in the story.
It is NOT a short one

[Anonymous No.19870435]

>>19870255
I'm actually trying to lose some weight, and also, those are good suggestions, but
>The one who smiles is a giant dinosaur who was found in a salt flat. He is also the Yujiro Hanma of the setting, being a smug asshole who flattens everyone with ease

[Anonymous No.19870443]

>>19870397
This feels like those pics of game devs showing the panties of all the anime girls

>>19870435
I-I meant the monster weights...

[Anonymous No.19870445]

>>19870443
I know, and yes I did. Sort of

[Anonymous No.19870449]

I can't fucking focus tonight.

[Anonymous No.19870452]

>>19870449
This, but every night

[Anonymous No.19870462]

>>19870449
Think about how shit so many published authors are. Think about how much better you could be if only you focused.

[Anonymous No.19870477]

>>19865104
Your rhyme and meter is terrible.

[Anonymous No.19870480]

>>19870449
I haven written in days. I had a streak for a week and then stopped. Life got in the way again. Was pretty fun though, for 30 views by anons. Glad to know it was good enough to look at but not good enough to comment on. I like that fine line of mediocrity.

[Anonymous No.19870495]

Why would you bother to advertise on 4chan?
His BSR rank reflects this.

[Anonymous No.19870651]

>>19869351
I view Vietnam as the straw that broke the camel's back. It's when America lost it's credibility to the public and it's never really recovered, the blatant exchange of American lives for money has left a huge scar on the perception of the government. As much as it is memed that Vietnam was hell, it really was when you read into it. It's a great place to put characters. If you want to read a great character study on the Vietnam war I'd suggest "Nam" by Mark Baker, it's a bunch of anonymous interviews with veterans.

[Anonymous No.19870860]

>>19870495
I already covered this a couple weeks back. His advertising on 4chan was a very good idea and he got plenty of support from us, the issue is the generic title fucked him over in the search engine and prevented any of us from giving word of mouth.
You need to see this type of small scale + highly receptive audience advertising strat as just a kickstart to word of mouth advertising. If your advertisement doesn't allow word of mouth outside of the circle you advertised to then it's almost worthless.

[Anonymous No.19870874]

>>19870860
Tell me more.

[Anonymous No.19870893]

I pushed through my focus issues and added a new interesting bend to my story. One of my major characters makes herself a villain to entice the main character to man up get his shit together. This isn't some "Aha! I was just pretending all along!" 3IQ retard shit; she goes in with the express purpose of forcing the MC to end a war by establishing herself as a larger and more immediate threat than a foreign nation.
I'm not gonna lie I'm feeling a little excited right now. I hadn't planned for her to do this kind of move yet when I thought of how I could add a scene for her into the chapter, she showed up just talking to the MC and then it got complex and spiraled.

[Anonymous No.19870904]

>>19870874
No. When you have a story to market I'll help, until then focus on your writing.

[Anonymous No.19870958]

>>19870860
Do you remember the post number or anything like that?

[Anonymous No.19870975]

>>19870904
I’ve got two books published. I’m doing 20booksto50k
Who did you think I was?

[Anonymous No.19870979]

>>19870477
How can I improve?

[Anonymous No.19871008]

>>19870979
Read a few Shakespeare sonnets daily unironically.

[Anonymous No.19871014]

>>19870975
>>19870958
>>19870874
Found it in the archive. Only the last bit talks about Son of the Sun.
>20booksto50k
Isn't that an MLM scheme?

[Anonymous No.19871077]

>>19871014
Is it? I thought of it as a goal to just publish a bunch of books and retire.
For it to be an MLM I’d have to buy something and that be their main profit.

[Anonymous No.19871082]

>>19870979
First off, you need to read more poetry. Memorize as well (all the great poets did this to some extent). Poetry, unlike fiction, does not exist in time. It's more like music in that way and one can approach it as one approaches music. You can study meter and rhyme as a composer studies the theory of harmonics. Or you can go about it the other way, exposing yourself to much music as possible, studying all their various effects. Or, better still, you can do both.

Some things to focus on first given your sample: discard the first notions, discard anything that has been "received", anything that feels like you've heard it somewhere before. Don't, in other words, resort to describing growth in terms of a tall oak. And don't ever give up.

[Anonymous No.19871223]

>>19871077
>For it to be an MLM I’d have to buy something and that be their main profit.
Did you follow the Jack Murphy drama that happened around the start of January?
If not, a quick rundown would be
>boomer conservative Masculinity Influencer named Jack Murphy
>has success in writing political trash such as "Democrat to Deplorable: Why Nine Million Obama Voters Ditched the Democrats and Embraced Donald Trump"
>gets canceled when it's found out he's a literal cuck who sucks shit out of the bulls ass and has a thing for "young boys"
Turns out he made most of his money through something called The liminal Order, a support group for those in need of masculinity coaching. This came with a $100 per month buy in and had over 700 members. Yes, he was making $70,000 per month with this scheme.
You might think this doesn't exactly sound like an MLM, and you'd be right. The issue is a large portion of those paying members were only there to purchase access to the retards who were there to learn how to be a man. They would prop themselves up as master pickup artists who lived in billion dollar mansions who were only there to lift others out of their suffering - of course they would want a small fee for this. Generally this pitch was set up as a real man coaching a lesser man so that one day, when he was a real man, he would be able to coach other lesser men.
To give you an idea of the type of people that fell for this shit here is a news article about one of the members, an author who went there to learn how to advertise his books.
https://www.cnn.com/2021/12/29/us/denver-shooting-spree-wednesday/index.html

20booksto50k may not be an outright MLM, but it is structured as one in the same way that The Liminal Order was. The vast majority of people are only there to push their own books and courses and see new authors simply as marks. It use Crypto MLM style group think and toxic positivity to convince others into paying fealty to those more successful members in the hopes of trickledown success.
At one point, spamming amazon with shit books in the hopes of impulse buys may have been a legitimate strategy, but it's one that has proven to be unsustainable. There are diminishing returns with each person that is clued in on the scam. Those who buy a poorly edited book written over the course two months are far less likely to do so again. Now combine this with the sudden increase in authors spamming Amazon with this style of books as a get rich quick scheme and It should be obvious why so many are ditching the fundamentals of the group and are instead turning to MLM schemes to turn a profit.

[Anonymous No.19871515]

>>19858182
What do i write about if i don’t care so much about emotions, people or animals? How to write a compelling story without deep characters?

[Anonymous No.19871539]

The azure sky and the flaxen beams of the New Year’s Day penetrated the closed eyes of Samson through his misty and aphotic room. The sunlight dragged Samson out the mesmerism caused by the various drinks and substances he had consumed the night before. After pausing for a moment to initialize his existence Samson seemingly still drunk from the previous night’s festivities moved over his bed and rested his feet on the cold wooden floor. Samson sitting at the side of his bed took the water bottle he forgot to bring with him before leaving his accommodation and drunk it as if, well, one would have had been dehydrated for a long period of time. He reached over in an awkward and sickly way grabbing the handle of his white wooded framed window and opened it. Samson then relaxed the awkward position one takes when trying to do something hastily out of bed after which he collapsed into his white bed covering himself in his white duvet and this where he began to recall all the actions of the previous night’s festivities. The sounds of waves and whitecaps slamming the white rocky shore offered some solace to Samson as he began to wrap his mind with the ropes of regret.

[Anonymous No.19871723]

>there's no such thing as beta reading in your country
>can't find anyone who will do that for money
>don't have any friends, you're alone in life
No one can read my shit. All I can do is sending this to publishers. Fuck me.

[Anonymous No.19872102]

>>19871723
Go to /soc/ and call some autistic twinks baby until they start cutting themselves in your honor
Now you have beta readers, but you might also have to sext them every once in a while.

If you actually offer to pay them money, you might even get someone that isn't a nutcase

[Anonymous No.19872105]

>>19871515
Write something that doesn't revolve around characters

[Anonymous No.19872141]

Oh shit bump limit.

[Anonymous No.19872359]

Baked
>>19872358

[Anonymous No.19872378]

>>19870397
In case you're wondering, I try to remain highly varied with the backgrounds of each monster. From genetic engineering to aliens to robots to magic to plain old mutations, it's all here.