/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.19786146]

>Open “Harry Potter: Sorcerers Stone.pdf”
>ctrl + f: “stretched his legs”
>735 results

[Anonymous No.19786159]

DFW mentioned Bloom in IJ. It's in one of the endnotes:
>'''Sounding rather suspiciously like Professor H. Bloom's turgid studies of artistic ''influenza'''''

[Anonymous No.19786195]

>>19786159
Cringe.

[Anonymous No.19786277]

>>19786195
Hard disagree. The beef between Bloom and DFW is interesting.

[Anonymous No.19786278]

>>19786146
>“Harry Potter: Sorcerers Stone
>Sorcerers stone
>Sorcerers
eww

[Anonymous No.19786455]

>>19786159
Also as a heroic figure in The Netanyahus.

[Anonymous No.19786461]

Holy soul

[Anonymous No.19787385]

>>19786278
That's the America title

[Anonymous No.19788747]

>Snape picked Malfoy up and whispered something in his ear, then pushed him back onto the Dueling Platform.
>"Serpentsorcia!"
>A snake flew out of the end of Malfoy's wand and advanced on Harry, hissing.
>"This has gone up a notch," thought Harry, "I was just trying to knock him over."
>Suddenly the door to the Great Hall burst open, and Albus Dumbledore, crooked nose, half-moon spectacles, lillac dress robes and all stretched his legs inside
>"Well done Draco, well done Draco, excellent transfiguration" he muttered.
>"HOWEVER"
>He vanished the snake out of existence.
>"Since you and your fellow Slytherins have been performing so well at this little Dueling Club, it's time for a greater challenge."
>"Stand aside Harry."
>Dumbledore took Harry's place.
>"Bow Draco."
>Terrified, Malfoy glanced back at Snape, who wouldn't make eye contact with him.
>Shaking, but with no other option, he bowed.
>Expelliarmus!
>Draco's wand was torn from his hand with so much force it exploded. Draco clutched his bleeding right hand, mangled fingers and all with his left.
>"Now Draco, how about a Lockhart special?"
>"Brackium Emendo!"
>All of Draco's bones dissapeared, and he flopped to the ground, somehow still alive in this cursed state.
>"Crucio!"
>He couldn't scream. He wanted nothing more to scream but his mouth wouldn't open.
>"Wingardium Leviosa!"
>His body was thrown into the crowd, who stepped aside in disgust, as the torture spell kept every synapse in his body firing in exquisite agony.
>"Goyle, you're next!"
>"Avada Kedavra!"
>The light went out of his eyes as he collapsed.
>"Crabbe!"
>"Fiendfyre!"
>He fell shrieking to the floor, engulfed by hellish flames.
>"Bullstrode!"
>"Bombarda Maxima!"
>The crowd shrieked in joy and disgust as her internal organs rained over them.
>"Parkinson!"
>"Petrificus Totallus! Accio Bucket! Wingardium Leviosa! Aguamenti!"
>Face in the bucket, Pansy desperately tried to hold her breath.

[Anonymous No.19789781]

>>19786146
Stretching is important, dear anon.

[Anonymous No.19790247]

>>19788747
Someone take a pic of this please for I am a mobilefag and cannot save myself

[Anonymous No.19790270]

I wonder how translators choose to translate it if this is true

[Anonymous No.19790298]

>>19790270
its not true its one of blooms classic memes. he was quite find of saying blatantly untrue things. basically a shitposter.

[Anonymous No.19790303]

>>19787385
EWWW

[Anonymous No.19791420]

>>19788747
>"Zabini!"
>"Imperio! Walk into the fire boy."
>Blaise dropped his wand and walked resolutely over to where Crabbe lay in the fetal position, flames running over him.
>"Nott!"
>"Incarcerous"
>An unbreakable enchanted silk rope wrapped delicately around Theodore's neck and began squeezing the life out of him. He dropped his wand and fell to the ground, thrashing, trying to wrench it off.
>"Flint!"
>"Accio Ceiling!"
>As the enchantment failed, and the real ceiling became visible as it cracked and a portion fell on Marcus Flint, Dumbledore shook his head.
>Stepping around the burning bodies of Vincent Crabbe and Blaise Zabini, and where Pansy lay stiff her head in a bucket now overflowing with enchanted water that could not put out his evil enchanted flames, and stepping over the still struggling Theodore Nott, who still could not remove the enchanted ropes from his neck, and who was choking his last, he approached Snape.
>"My, my Severus, your students aren't very skilled, are they?"
>"Come up and show them how it's done."
>"Yes, you too Severus."
>Snape stepped onto what was left of the Dueling Platform, and bowed, clearing his mind
>He wasn't as strong as Dumbledore, but he was the best Occlumens in the wizarding world, surely he could shield his intent, and he did have his secret curse no one knew of.
>"Oh Severus, did you really think I couldn't see into your mind, you pathetic cuck?"
>Snape was stunned for a quarter of a second, and a quarter of a second was all it took.
>Dumbledore moved faster than was humanly possible.
>"Sectumsempra!"
>Snape's penis and testicles where neatly severed from his body.
>the searing agony was unbearable, he collapsed immediately.
>Dumbledore stretched his legs over, and kicked the wand from his hands
>"Now, now Severus, no healing spells, it's just not sporting. Besides, we both know she was never going to let you use it on her anyway, even if you hadn't failed her like you did."

[Anonymous No.19791439]

>>19791420
>Panic overtook Snape's mind, he suddenly realized he would bleed out like this
>He stretched out his hand.
>"Acci-"
>Before he could finish the enchantment, Dumbledore cast another curse.
>"Sectumsempra!"
>His tongue neatly fell off in his mouth
>"Tallantalegra!"
>It began doing a little jig, it felt disturbingly like a dying fish was flopping about in his mouth, spreading the taste of his blood everywhere.
>He managed to spit it out, and it danced in front of his eyes, just between him and his wand.
>Dumbledore began stretching his legs over to Draco, who had been forced to watch the whole thing from the crowd like a jellyfish through a haze of searing pain
>He was dimly aware that the last remaining Slytherin besides himself, his girlfriend, Astoria Greengrass, was beside him, desperately trying to comfort him.
>The Gryffindors, Ravenclaws and the other one had cleared out in a wide circle around them, and where watching, many sporting erections born of rage.
>But Dumbledore had made a mistake! He had turned his back to Snape!
>"Accio Wand", thought Snape, with all his might, showing his true power as a wizard, powering through pain, shock and bloodloss to use a non-verbal spell!
>But his wand didn't budge, then suddenly, it began rolling the other way, and leapt off the dueling platform, into Dumbledore's outstretched hand, without him even turning his head.
>"I told you I could see inside your mind. No non-verbals either, Severus" said Dumbledore, and still without looking back, he cast another spell.
>"Imperio!"
>"I want you to watch this."
>Snape was magically compelled to continue watch, but he didn't lose anything else of his mind, save his will to act to save himself or his remaining students, as he lay there and felt the life begin to drain from his body.
>"Now Draco, your ex didn't do so well did she," said Dumbledore, kicking the bucket over and exposing Pansy Parkinson's pale, lifeless face. "Let's see how your current woman does.

[Anonymous No.19791451]

>>19786277
QRD?

[Anonymous No.19792134]

>>19791439
>What remained of Astoria's courage left her, as she broke, and sprinted for the door.
>"I'll get her Professor!" shouted Harry eagerly, crouching in readiness for a sprint.
>"Thank you Harry, but there's no need," said Dumbledore, waving his hand airily.
>"Still, twenty points for Gryffindor for volunteering to help a teacher."
>Dumbledore tipped his pointed hat to Harry, and eyes twinkling, he spun on the spot, causing the silver constellations on his robes to sparkle merrily.
>With a crack like a gunshot he disappeared, and reappeared at the door to the Great Hall, just in front of Astoria.
>He grabbed her arm in a vice like grip that seemed impossible for a man of his age. Realising she couldn't escape, she gave up.
>"But Professor, it's impossible to apparate or disapparatte inside the grounds of Hogwarts. I read about it in Hogwarts a history!" piped up Hermione Granger.
>"Well Miss Granger, being me has it's privileges", Dumbledore responded, with a cheeky wink.
>Hermione felt herself grow wet
>There was another crack, and Dumbledore brought Astoria back into the middle of the circle, where she promptly threw up.
>"Dobby!" called Dumbledore, and the nasty little creature appeared before him.
>Dumbledore was about to ask him to clean up the sick, when he suddenly seemed to change his mind.
>"Fetch Filch for me to clean this up, it'll be funnier that way."
>"Yes sir," bowed the wretched being, before vanishing out of existence.
>Dumbledore then turned his attention back to Astoria. "Don't worry, the first time anyone apparates it's usually rough on them. Unless it wasn't just the apparition was it Miss Greengrass?"
>Astoria went silent, and stood absolutely stiff.

[Anonymous No.19792153]

>>19792134


>"Oh children I think I've cracked it," said Dumbledore, wrily. "I'm sorry I didn't realize you were expecting sooner Miss Greengrass. Your Potions Master has taken a decent amount of my mental effort, and if I hadn't done so, I'm sure he would have schemed something up, but now for some reason his faculties seem to be fading"
>Snape was deathly pale and had begun hyperventilating.
>Dumbledore leaned down and looked Draco in the mass of the jellified monstrosity that was his body's eyes, peering at the boy over his half-moon spectacles.
>"You're going to be a father Draco. Congratulations"
>The tip of the Elder Wand found Astoria's stomach
>"Fetus Deletus," Dumbledore said, not breaking eye contact.
>Astoria fell to her knees sobbing.
>"Well now Draco my boy, let's see what she's up to." Said Dumbledore, standing over her body
>"Draw your wand Miss Greengrass"
>Still crying, she pulled it out of her pocket and feebly pointed it forward, not rising from her knees.
>"Now, now this will never do" said Dumbledore, shaking his head.
>Suddenly he pounced forward, kicking the wand from her hand and breaking several of her fingers, and then he crouched over and punched her solidly in the mouth, cracking her front tooth.
>She fell on her back, defeated.
>"How's that for a spot of muggle duelling Draco?" chuckled Dumbledore.
>"Well, I think she's done."
>"Wingardium Leviosa."
>The floating candles suspended over the hall floated in formation until they were all above her head.
>"Open your mouth."
>Astoria clamped her mouth shut.
>"Open your mouth and keep it open, or I'll let Mr Weasley here have you for a full 2 hours."
>Astoria shuddered, knowing well the whispered stories about "Raper Ron".
>With no choice but to comply, unless she wanted to become pregnant again after two hours of sexual torture and bdsm charms, she opened her mouth.
>"Finite Incantatem" said Dumbledore.

[Anonymous No.19793494]

>>19791420
>>Snape's penis and testicles where neatly severed from his body.

[Anonymous No.19794222]

>>19791420
it was almost as good as Rowling's writing until you said cuck and it went "My Immortal" level of fanfic

[Anonymous No.19794258]

>>19790247