/wg/ Write General

[Anonymous No.19610284]

MSWL Hatethread edition
Previous thread >>19603424

For Prose:
>The Art of Fiction -- Gardner
>The Anatomy of Story -- Truby
>Story Genius: How to Use Brain Science to Go Beyond Outlining and Write a Riveting Novel (Before You Waste Three Years Writing 327 Pages That Go Nowhere)
>On Becoming A Novelist
>Writing Fiction: A Guide to Narrative Craft
>How Fiction Works
>The Rhetoric of Fiction
>Steering the Craft
>On Writing, Borges
>Links: https://pastebin.com/i4RLYJEx

For Poetry:
>The Poetry Home Repair Manual
>Western Wind: An Introduction to Poetry
>This Craft of Verse, Borges

Related Material:
>What Editors Do
>A Student's Introduction to English Grammar
>Garner's Modern English Usage

Suggested books on storytelling:
>The Weekend Novelist
>Aristotle's Poetics
>Hero With a Thousand Faces
>Romance the Beat

Traditional publishing
> Formatting manuscript
https://blog.reedsy.com/manuscript-form

[Anonymous No.19610330]

Morphosis anon here from the last thread.

I kneel.

Here is my hook:

In many ways, some more painfully literal than others, a house can become a cocoon.

[Anonymous No.19610333]

>>19610330
No one writes in /wg/.

[Anonymous No.19610345]

>>19610333
>tfw haven't written in 14 hours

[Anonymous No.19610349]

>>19610169

My favorite first line was from a flash fic I wrote for /ffa/ a few months ago:
>There are some tools which mankind is just not ready for: the atomic age dawned before we learned to be peaceful, high fructose corn syrup was created before we learned moderation, and Twitter arrived before we learned to shut the fuck up. Thus - like many of the strange stories of 2019 - this one began with a tweet.

[Anonymous No.19610357]

>>19610330
I was the anon you were talking to, I like this a lot more

[Anonymous No.19610365]

>>19610333
Sure they do, there are at least two anons currently working on their rape scenes, attempting to toe the tone line between fetishistic and horrifying. There's anal vore anon who sometimes blesses us with a new variation. I'm pronoun anon, I'm sure you remember me, and then there are the people pretending to be me.

Lots of writing happens in /wg/, heck, you just did! Add 4 words and an acronym to your total for the day!

>>19610357
I appreciate it. I trend purple in the opening scenes of my work and taper off. I have to keep myself in check, and I usually don't realize I've gone off the rails until the 3rd or 4th edit.

[Anonymous No.19610375]

>>19610365

There's also the guy that writes pages long rants about agents and the guy with the gay teen romance.

[Anonymous No.19610387]

>>19610375

And the guy that's gotten like 100 rejections

[Anonymous No.19610388]

>>19610387
There are many of those.

[Anonymous No.19610390]

>>19610387

And the guy with his fantasy story on RR

[Anonymous No.19610394]

>>19610349
Okay that's pretty good, the last clause made me laugh.

[Anonymous No.19610404]

>>19610365
To the anons obsessing about rape scenes: I recommend reading ‘The world according to Garp’ by John Irving. He goes into the conflict an author feels trying to become/sympathize with both characters, and the challenges in trying to control/own your message when the work is public.

I’m sure I’m taking your furry loli fanfics way too seriously, but if you’re actually trying to write something for publication, I suggest you give it a read.

[Anonymous No.19610420]

>>19610404
At least their furry loli fanfics will be read and enjoyed and cherished by legions of degenerate coomers.

[Anonymous No.19610434]

>>19610284
Hi OP, this is the anon who made the pastebin of the prose pdfs way back when. Can the next OP please make an updated link as I no longer post the /wg/ threads. Thank you

[Anonymous No.19610453]

>>19610333
I wrote today and ripped off Goon while doing so. I'm proud

[Anonymous No.19610461]

>>19610375
>the guy that writes pages long rants about agents
That's me. I'm not the 100 rejections guy though. One day I'll compile all my posts about blue haired agents into a volume and query it to all 600+ working agents in the English language. I'll disguise it with a query for a vampire version of Jane Eyre set in Scotland in a cozy small town with a feminist fairy-witch protagonist caught in a love triangle so the agents will be forced to read through 10, 15, even 30 pages of ranting about agents in the manuscript looking to get their cunnies honeyed.

[Anonymous No.19610482]

Write on paper with a pencil. Return to tradition.

[Anonymous No.19610487]

>>19610330
bro you dont need a cold open bro
you need to give me a reason to care about your story before you start waxing philosphical bro

[Anonymous No.19610509]

>>19610333
Chapter 5 of my epic fantasy will be going live on RR tomorrow at 11:15

>>19610349
I like the first sentence, I don't like the follow up.

[Anonymous No.19610595]

Still rewriting. Finished redoing the last part, which turned out amazingly well. It went from 2k to 12k words, completely redone, took less than a week, and includes the brand new best scene in the book that is gonna tie everything together thematically.

Now I moved on to what I thought was going to be easy, the next part, and there's yet another major problem and it all has to be thrown out and rewritten. I dont know what crack I was smoking on the previous draft but it wasn't even the correct timeframe.

tfw

[Anonymous No.19610618]

>>19610595
also might have to rewrite the first chapter for like, the seventeenth time. Agents are harsh.

[Anonymous No.19610663]

>>19610482
It hurts my wrist

[Anonymous No.19610729]

>>19610595
Give us an excerpt at least. You've been posting here for days with just words count updates.

[Anonymous No.19610818]

>>19610487
How about, it's a book you bought because you liked the cover art? There, that's 100% of readers these days.

[Anonymous No.19610825]

Cringe or based?

When I woke up, her barenaked ass was above me. Her anus, tight and pink, was floating over those sleepy eyes of mine. Then it started. The farts, the laughs. the begging for action. Rapidly, I lifted my head and drowned my head in that wet ass. resembling a pig wallowing in mud. Mixed with moans, spit, trembling legs and hardened muscles. both stretched out along the red bed. With a mirror above, looking like beings taken from gnostic and forbidden paintings. Following the trance through mindless actions, deep animalistic shouts of lust entrenched amidst the swamp air. Folded bodies, unknowable ethereal geometric shapes engulfing a storm of passion, l’amour, arrogance. “Only you does it Tom. Give me the thing now”. More moans, I put the gun in those delicate hands. She puts it in my mouth, makes me suck it. Pulls the trigger. Like a shot of morphine, the void fills my brain. Memories are swapped, lost, remembered. The alarm goes off, I let a silent scream escape.

[Anonymous No.19610841]

>>19610333
I've been published extensively and have four books to my name. I just like seeing what the other autists on here are doing.

[Anonymous No.19610852]

>>19610841
How did you do it?

[Anonymous No.19610860]

>>19610852
He LARPed

[Anonymous No.19610866]

>>19610825
My vote is for ‘Cringe’. Not because of the dom/sub ass fetish, but for the pseud shit about gnostic paintings and l’amour.

If you want to be based, anon, choose a lane and commit.

[Anonymous No.19610896]

>>19610866
>If you want to be based, anon, choose a lane and commit.
What does this mean?

[Anonymous No.19610905]

>>19610729
>get published
>some smart-alec googles exerpts
>finds /lit/
>I'm ousted as a hikki-weeb incel trump-voting nazi racist frog-poster
>career ruined, commit seppuku

[Anonymous No.19610914]

I wrote a poem yesterday instead of working.
I think I'm gonna submit it to a magazine along with something else.
I've had my poetry published before, but no monetary compensation. I think now I wanna try to earn a paycheck, just to see if I can.

[Anonymous No.19610932]

>>19610905
Pussy

[Anonymous No.19610959]

Since a few anons were talking about first lines and openings, here's mine so far. How weak is it and what questions about the story does it raise to you?

[Anonymous No.19610968]

>>19610959
Did I just post that with a comma splice? Please disregard that.

[Anonymous No.19610971]

I'd like to give a huge shout-out to all the different languages that contributed to modern English
Thank you for all the beautiful and nuanced words that fill my poetry

[Anonymous No.19610978]

>>19610959
You just dumped an entire novel's worth of lore on me in 3 paragraphs
Slow down a bit

[Anonymous No.19610991]

>>19610971
I just started to read more poetry to help with my prose. Only read James Dickey and Thomas Wolfe so far. More of a fan of the latter at the moment.

[Anonymous No.19611001]

>>19610978
Do you mean to say I'm answering questions too fast and that I could simply broach for tension and answer later? How little do I need to say to sell the story to a potential reader?

[Anonymous No.19611030]

>>19611001
No I have way more questions than I should, especially about things probably won't concern the immediate exposition. Keep the stuff that's immediately relevant to the reader and save the rest for it's more pertinent

[Anonymous No.19611073]

>>19611001
Different anon, but I def agree w his statement. Theres a line b/w setting the scene and an infodump. You could mention ‘the city’ without mentioning the dome (yet), same with all the nano-particle/DNA/coffin apartment. All that detail can come later. Also lol that they’d still have things called ‘phones’ with so else different.

Also, are you ESL? There are a few odd phrases in there:
>watches as his vain motion to lift

The live-oak looming over a picnic blanket is a very strange metaphor.

The whole thing about synths is confusing, why 90%? Why are drones shooting people?

Suggest you just spend Ch1 going through the MCs routine. We’ll absorb enough of the world through context that way, and you can get into the whole synth backstory in Ch2 or later.

Also (just my opinion) short sentence after short sentence makes for a read. Better than many on /wg/ who have drawn-out masturbatory lines with sub-clauses and parentheticals; but i’d suggest you mix it up a bit.

[Anonymous No.19611173]

>>19611073
>Also, are you ESL?
No, I'm a native speaker but I need to apply myself. I'll edit for clarity in my next draft. Maybe I'll try a cumulative sentence or figurative language instead.
>The live-oak looming over a picnic blanket is a very strange metaphor.
I wanted to evoke that there's more to the world than just the city, there's an entire rural world left behind that the majority of the story takes place in. Later in the scene, the protag talks about wanting to return to that rural life. After several chapters I show why he left and how it precipitated his tragic flaw.
>The whole thing about synths is confusing, why 90%?
I could skip this figure and only bring it up in the next scene where the stat is significant. The Super AI, in its present state, cannot organize a society without a number it can handle.
>Why are drones shooting people?
In case the foglets cannot suppress a rebellion. Can bring this up later.
>Suggest you just spend Ch1 going through the MCs routine. We’ll absorb enough of the world through context that way, and you can get into the whole synth backstory in Ch2 or later.
I do want to get into the synth back story in chapter 2, but I was planning on the inciting incident ending the dystopia they lived in at the end of chapter 1. Perhaps this is too soon, but by the third scene the protagonist and deuteragonist are running for their lives from a polymeric chimera. You don't get to see much of a routine besides light conversation and a snack. I want to juxtapose the hostile dystopian intro with the utopia that comes after.
>Also (just my opinion) short sentence after short sentence makes for a read. Better than many on /wg/ who have drawn-out masturbatory lines with sub-clauses and parentheticals; but i’d suggest you mix it up a bit.
I did mix in a few compound and complex sentences in the first chapter. It's mostly simple and short because the pacing is rather fast because of all that happens. Perhaps I could slow it down as more thoughtful in these calm scenes, and it's certainly something I have in mind for later drafts. Thanks for the critique in that regard.

[Anonymous No.19611250]

>>19610825
Kys

[Anonymous No.19611321]

Anyone have recommendations on novels that teach you something along the way? I’m at a point where all I know how to write is law, but I’m not good enough at it yet, and all the fiction I write is just about drunk lawyers. I figure, if I write a long enough story I could incorporate some actual learning moments for people who read it, like how to talk to cops or workers rights. Thoughts?

[Anonymous No.19611324]

>>19611250
Bend over.

[Anonymous No.19611384]

>>19611321
>all the fiction I write is just about drunk lawyers.
10/10 material, would read.
>>19610932
don't care still not posting. I'm not getting my ass #canceled.

[Anonymous No.19611420]

>>19611173
>I wanted to evoke that there's more to the world than just the city
I’m fine with the rural metaphor…you just make the oak sound dark and looming, rather than shade/protection. The metaphor didn’t tell me more about ‘the spectre of death’, it just told me that the author seems to be afraid of trees.

[Anonymous No.19611426]

>>19610905
>get published
Can't tell if blind optimism or plain stupidity. Leaning towards stupidity since you keep avatarfagging.

[Anonymous No.19611442]

Is it alright if I post segments from a book I already published?
Self-published, of course...no agent wanted it. Whether that's because it sucked or because it just wasn't the right material in the market...I don't know. What I do know is that I sent the original manuscript over to my beta reader-a close friend of mine whose opinion I trust. And he said:
>I didn't expect you to write something like this.
And It just made me feel that I did something worthwhile. Another friend of mine bought it and read it. A week later she called me, crying and upset about the ending. It had an impact on her.
So I have all this anecdotal evidence that something I'm doing is working. Yet real success keeps evading me. Should I just shrug my shoulders and work on my next book?

[Anonymous No.19611455]

>>19611442
You have to be careful showing your work to your friends/family, as they’re biased and can even lie to you.

[Anonymous No.19611457]

Trying to remind myself that quality > quantity when I see how long it takes me to increase the word count of my story.

[Anonymous No.19611469]

>>19611455
Dubs tell the truth. And I know and keep trying to be aware of that. I shrug off most compliments from friends/family as exactly that. My Beta reader friend is different because I trust his opinion. And when he finished he would go through certain chapters and segments and tell me what he thought was wrong or weird or didn't make sense and I made adjustments. I trust him to tell me when something is bad.
Honestly the situation with the other friend was more telling. When most friends/family read something they'll just go:
>Haha man, that was pretty good.
and end it there. But she called my phone, sobbing and incredibly upset at the ending, calling me an asshole before saying it was good. idk, when people blow smoke up your ass, they rarely put that much effort into it.

[Anonymous No.19611470]

>>19610330
Boooo

[Anonymous No.19611475]

>>19610349
Boo and barf omg!!!

[Anonymous No.19611476]

>>19611469
>>19611455
>as they’re biased and can even lie to you.
> I shrug off most compliments from friends/family as exactly that
This is the worst.

[Anonymous No.19611486]

>>19610825
Awful, subject and writing.

[Anonymous No.19611522]

>>19610825
Joyce? Is that you?

[Anonymous No.19611537]

>>19611426
Shoo, shoo, crab-kun. wagmi

[Anonymous No.19611564]

>>19611537
You say that, but I'm going to have to a write a sex scene to finish what I'm working on now

[Anonymous No.19611581]

>>19610365
>I trend purple in the opening scenes of my work and taper off

Me too. I can't start if I don't have an all-encapsulating first sentence. So I rarely start. And if I do, I don't continue, because it's all in that sentence.

I don't really understand how to write prose. Poetry makes much more sense, and I can't seem to write anything else.

[Anonymous No.19611585]

growing my author social media is going well bros
how is your pre publishing marketing plan coming together?

[Anonymous No.19611592]

>>19611585
I don't have one beyond "submit shorts to contests and hope I win".

[Anonymous No.19611594]

>>19610284
Do any of you negwoes use a typewriter? I find them very efficient. I can't write in any other way now. Computers are distractive and hard on the eyes, and my handwriting is awful. Its the best of both worlds - physical copies and conducive to lots of writing.

[Anonymous No.19611598]

“This one time I got stung by a bee in my office on the neck. Somehow it flew into my hair on a smoke break, hung out with me on the elevator, walked with me to my desk, and didn’t bother to sting me until 5 minutes later when I’m neck deep in editing a document.” He paused to sip his beer. “That son of a bitch hurt, and when I found em’ I saw his little bee guts oozing out of em’. Crazy bro. I popped a Benadryl, closed my office door, and took a nap at my desk. I fucking hate Tuesdays, man.”

[Anonymous No.19611600]

>>19611592
Sounds terrible.
If you're not preparing, you're preparing to fail.

[Anonymous No.19611609]

>>19611600
I'd rather learn how to write first and worry about marketing when I have something to market.

[Anonymous No.19611610]

>>19611585
>>19611592
>https://youtu.be/Ha3m3D4oqTM?t=464
Listen for about 30 seconds to get the point

[Anonymous No.19611612]

>>19610825
>Then it started. The farts, the laughs

Pynchon? That you?

[Anonymous No.19611619]

>>19611609
It'll take 1-2 years to get a decent following on any social media platform to have a decent impact on a book release. Rethink your approach. You have it backwards.

[Anonymous No.19611621]

>>19611610
>provide them value
I don't get it. The book is not value? What is this mumbojumbo?

[Anonymous No.19611623]

>>19610959
Way too many unusual terms for an opening paragraph. Impossible to settle in to it

[Anonymous No.19611627]

>>19611457
Wrong. wrong wrong. Quantity is much more important than quality for amateurs.

[Anonymous No.19611636]

>>19611619
Why waste time on social media platforms when you'll never write anything worth publishing? I don't fucking get any of this.

[Anonymous No.19611673]

is affinity publisher worth it for making ebooks or should i just use pages?

[Anonymous No.19611679]

>>19611621
>the book is not value?
You're getting the point.

[Anonymous No.19611681]

>>19611621
>>19611636
A book from an unknown author will not equate to sales.
A well advertised book from anyone will equate to sales.
You need to be building a platform of thousands of followers who each like what you're putting out on social media to even get a few bonus reviews on Amazon. It sounds like a lot of work for little return, but this is all you can do as a self publishing author besides buying ads. The book won't matter in quality if 0 people buy it.

[Anonymous No.19611688]

>>19611681
Okay but I'm not a self-publishing author

[Anonymous No.19611691]

>>19611585
There are no records anywhere that I even exist, neither in my legal name nor my pen name, let alone do I have a social media presence. I am a complete, perfected ghost in the system and have undertaken great efforts to accomplish this.

Boy do my background checks drive employers crazy.

[Anonymous No.19611692]

>>19611486
> Awful, subject
Don’t you like sex? Are you one of those mentally ill incels? Lol

[Anonymous No.19611695]

>>19611688
Then you're a?....

[Anonymous No.19611704]

>>19611695
A guy submitting short stories to contests. Now stop typing like an absolute faggot.

[Anonymous No.19611705]

Started a new short story tonight. Haven't written in months.

It's a story I've wanted to write for over a year but never bothered with. Feels good to finally start it and I'm amazed how quick its come to me. 900 words in under an hour.

Don't know where I'm gonna take it but I'm probably anywhere from 1/3 to half way through it. Knowing me though I probably won't finish it till next fall

[Anonymous No.19611711]

>>19611704
Sounds pretty childish. Let me know how that goes bro.

[Anonymous No.19611713]

>>19611711
So far it hasn't. But at least I'm writing instead of whoring on social media.

[Anonymous No.19611718]

>>19611713
Who says I'm not doing both?
Good luck with having zero strategy in a highly competitive space.
You're like a fat 5'2" asian boy on an NBA court yelling at your coach, lol.

[Anonymous No.19611720]

>>19611621
I took a couple marketing courses as part of my grad degree. The book is the product. Value is what the reader hopes to obtain from buying the product. You'd think well obviously the reader wants to read a book to be entertained and that would be the value they're concerned with when they buy the book. That's wrong. Its wrong for a few reasons but the most accurate would be that only thinking, rational beings are buying your book. They are a small minority.

As far as a marketer is concerned being entertained isn't the value book readers are seeking. They are seeking to fulfill some need they have - to signal how cool they are, to signal how smart they are, to validate preexisting notions they already have. This is what marketers focus on when they sell products. It may seem terrible - it is - but unfortunately humanity is so dull witted and predictable and awful that they are correct in their marketing gobbledygook.

[Anonymous No.19611730]

>didn't write a single word in months
it's over bros

[Anonymous No.19611738]

>>19611718
You're not writing. You're making excuses not to. "Oh I'm working on my marketing strategy so I'm still being productive," you say to yourself on those sleepless nights when you find yourself in this scenario >>19611730

[Anonymous No.19611741]

>>19611738
Lol, I have over 120 pages written and revised from one book, my estimate puts me around 250-280 when complete.
Cope.
Seethe.
Dilate.

[Anonymous No.19611742]

>>19611621
I've come back after I showered to add a little bit more ideas to this. In modern publishing, the book has no value. The actual content is meaningless. All that matters is the author that stapled to it. You could have written the next Ulysses. You could have written the next Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. You could have written literally anything under the sun and it could have been the greatest thing ever written but there is so much noise out there that if you don't have a following, it won't go anywhere. The sad fact is so much shlock is allowed to get pushed nowadays that any dipshit with a word processor is capable of writing something and selling snake oil to his fans. No one cares about the book. The book has no value. All that matters is the personality of the person selling it. It makes me sick to think about. Some part of me doesn't want to play the game because I'll feel like a sell-out and the other part of me wants to play the game for a chance of e-fame. Anyone can write a book; they're literally a dime a dozen. Every person with a blue check mark or a YouTube account has written a book and they've tried to sell it to people before. It feels like there's no accomplishment left. No one cares if you've written a book; everyone has written a book. It's greatly degraded the value of the art. I don't always feel like this, but right now it feels like you always have two options: sell yourself on the internet and for a chance of getting famous like everyone else, or suffer in the bottomless pit of the noise and try to self-publish in silence, get nowhere, and die unrecognized, unappreciated and alone.

[Anonymous No.19611750]

>>19611742
Ain't that some shit.

[Anonymous No.19611776]

>>19611585
Are you the retard doing follow4follow scams on Twitter while putting out psued garbage? If so I’m surprised you’re still at it.

[Anonymous No.19611779]

>>19611705
I am happy for you little anon. I just broke through some barriers, too.

[Anonymous No.19611781]

>>19610330
advice:
>In many ways, some more painful than others, a house can become a cocoon.
Adverbs are not an author's friends. you think they're at your party to just chill and maybe fuck you and then they end up drugging you and stealing your TV. occasionally they are permitted. Occasionally.

[Anonymous No.19611789]

>>19611750
Why would you think it's any different?
How are people supposed to know you're the next Kant if you're whispering in a sea of screams?
You need to be advertising or you will be NO ONE

[Anonymous No.19611791]

>>19610284
Ok /wg/, rate this little hook-line

It rained for a month straight, and so did she.

[Anonymous No.19611795]

>>19611791
What the fuck was that?
That is the gayest shit I've ever read.

[Anonymous No.19611796]

>>19611791
How about
>It pissed for a month straight, and so did she

[Anonymous No.19611800]

>>19611795
it is a concise and quiet hook, anon.

[Anonymous No.19611805]

>>19611800
Just write the hook that better portrays your book.

I got fucked in the ass thrice in college, and so did she.

[Anonymous No.19611807]

>>19611789
I don't mind advertising. Buy a few ads, make some Tweets, post on Facebook and Instagram a few times a week- easy to do. It's the relentless shilling to the point of begging that grinds my soul away.

[Anonymous No.19611814]

>>19611807
Shilling?
You just have the link to your book in your bio. Having 50,000-100,000 followers on any platform will basically ensure at least 5,000-10,000 eyes on your amazon page, which means at least 50-100 reviews.
The shilling doesn't really have to exist, that actually drives customers away.

[Anonymous No.19611815]

>>19611742
what a lame outlook.
I mean, I see your point to an extent, Some Instagram influencer will write some retard book titled "muh grindset" and skyrocket to the top of the bestseller list and people who actually give a fuck about writing don't reach nearly their modicum of 'success'. But will people read her book in a year? or two? twenty? one hundred?
Will someone read mine? i put my chances roughly equivalent to hers.
Oversaturation has only degraded the value of mediocre art. Good art i would argue is in higher demand now than perhaps ever before

>No one cares about the book.
i do. and because you took the time to write all that i can tell you do too. so my question is this, who in the ever living fuck told you that being a writer meant making money? who ever told you it was about appreciation? Do you actually love to write or just wear the writer's aesthetic like a fashionable hat? if its the later then we've solved the riddle of why you feel your art is devalued..

[Anonymous No.19611819]

>>19611791
could work for a short story. It occupies a magic area between highly retarded and compelling.

[Anonymous No.19611828]

>>19610852
They're not novels, but they're works in proud of. As to how I did it: years of hard work and a dash of talent. I'm in my mid-twenties now, but I remember coming on here when I was 19 and hoping I'd make it one day to impress you guys. Turns out none of the anons on here actually want one another to succeed, though.

[Anonymous No.19611843]

Sent 3 queries today. Have about 30 out, some rejections in. Going to pause and if I dont get a hit on the ones that are still out I'll re-write the query and send another batch of ~30.

trying to condense a novel into a paragraph is agony. i'm trying to avoid the "it's [popular story] but set in [different place]" format but idk i might be better off resorting to that after all since it gets the point across in one sentence. wish they would judge me on the writing and not the fucking letter.

>>19611815
>Oversaturation has only degraded the value of mediocre art. Good art i would argue is in higher demand now than perhaps ever before
This. we live in the age of ADHD. no one has the patience to produce good, well constructed content anymore, but DEMAND for good content is even higher because everyone wants entertainment. there are more readers than ever and more niches to fill than ever. if you can put in serious effort you have almost 0 competition. it's a hell of a lot easier to read a book than to write one.
t. still unpublished but 2022 will be my year
>>19611828
>Turns out none of the anons on here actually want one another to succeed, though.
Nonsense. These threads get over 70 posters regularly and there are only about 5 crabs.

[Anonymous No.19611853]

>>19611843
>based and glass half full pilled.
I'm working on my first novel now. see you at the finish line anon

[Anonymous No.19611858]

>>19611828
>They're not novels
what are they? genuinely curious

[Anonymous No.19611873]

>>19611843
Well, I'm genuinely glad to hear that you're making a go of it. I hope someone takes it.
>>19611858
Three are in the humour/creative non-fiction category, and one is a poetry collection.

[Anonymous No.19611883]

>>19611873
good for you anon. Sincerely hope they sell well.

[Anonymous No.19611894]

>>19611805
Keke

[Anonymous No.19611898]

>>19611805
unironically a better hook. i would just change it to "I got fucked in the ass twice in college, but so did she". twice sounds better than thrice and the but creates immediate tension.

[Anonymous No.19611912]

>>19611883
Thanks, anon. From what I know, a good amount of copies moved this holiday season.

[Anonymous No.19611928]

Shy of 2k words today, then did some cleaning, organizing, research, and notes for the next chapter. Very good content today so I'm happy.

[Anonymous No.19611954]

>>19611928
Give us a hint of what you're writing. Just something.

[Anonymous No.19611966]

I love how most writers can't kill their characters because they grow attached

So blessed to be able to kill them without care

[Anonymous No.19611973]

>>19611966
are you sure that doesnt speak to the quality of your characters?

[Anonymous No.19611978]

>>19611928
You are probably a weeb who writes webnovel filler. Still an achievement is an achievement, so good job!

[Anonymous No.19611984]

>>19611954
historical

[Anonymous No.19612009]

>>19611627
I’m writing fanfiction

[Anonymous No.19612013]

>>19611966
From your head your characters came and to your head your characters return

[Anonymous No.19612015]

>>19611928
You sure can pump out stream of consciousness garbage that you are too embarrassed of to post. Thanks for the word count update.

[Anonymous No.19612091]

I lost my post because of the stupid captcha. I hate this site, I hate phones, I hate captchas.

[Anonymous No.19612111]

>>19612009
Oh right. Then the correct quantity is zero. retard

[Anonymous No.19612159]

>>19612009
I view fan fiction as the devils writing it will only corrupt your writing, Don't read anything from tumblr If you see the signs of tumblr run. Don't fall into satans warm light, for it will only hurt your writing in the long run and you have to fix it once your actually learning because it teachs you the most evil thing of all. bad writing

>>19612091
As someone with bad eyes this captcha isn't helpful because i can't see it very well

[Anonymous No.19612219]

>>19610959
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzISrvDVvwY&list=PLVV0r6CmEsFxnVS80V-yoG3_GTTZdvdw7&index=12

[Anonymous No.19612247]

>>19611984
Alright, I hope it's not ww2.

[Anonymous No.19612267]

>>19612247
It's about ww3

[Anonymous No.19612274]

>>19612247
Kinda missing the civi war in writing now a days.

Where did it go? it is a very fascinating time period

[Anonymous No.19612288]

>>19610896
He means if you are going to write smut just do that. Don't throw in the flowery prose

[Anonymous No.19612333]

>>19612267
what? how? it can't be possible?

[Anonymous No.19612353]

>>19612333

[Anonymous No.19612381]

>>19610825
Can you at least make it feel passionate or something, Like it has some soul?

It just feels like you're horny or something And if you don't understand sex beyond being horny then keep it personal

What many anons fail to understand is that sex is a deep passionate act (and or an act with powerful emotions incase your writing something darker)that needs to be treated as such if you want it to be good

also why the hell are you using words like "wet ass" or a "Pig wallowing in mud" among other weird words.

I'm a virgin and i feel like i understand sex better then any other virgin on 4chan

[Anonymous No.19612397]

>>19612381
is that movie adaptation good, will it make me cry?

[Anonymous No.19612410]

>>19612397
Most likely not no,

Its one of those weird art movies that some how got into main stream cinemas

its good if you like art films about childhood and a kid trying to understand his emotons via his own fanasty world

However i do find the goat very pleasing looking. among other things

But i'd give it a watch anyway But it unlikely to make you cry. I need to give it another watch

[Anonymous No.19612425]

>>19612381
>i'm a virgin
>sex is a deep passionate act

I would recommend not conjecturing on subjects you have no experience with. Sex can potentially be le deep and meaningful, anon, but is it? Most of the time, no. Absolutely not. It is like the other anon described it: pig in mud. Sex is base and disgusting, it is full of politics and unreleased emotion, and nasty stench and jokes and failure. Sex is the profane act with sacred consequence. You've got it all mixed up because you're a kid probably. Sex is gross actually, and sexual pleasure is - in spit of its being pleasure - strange and awful.

[Anonymous No.19612455]

>>19612410
>However i do find the goat very pleasing looking. among other things
Are you a Muslim?

[Anonymous No.19612477]

>>19612455
kekked

[Anonymous No.19612522]

How do I regain faith in imaginative stories when all my fascination and wonder for them has been obliterated by their cheapening and commodification?
I am not disillusioned about fantasy on the grounds of popularity. Instead, picture this like cars: were I to see a car in the times of Ford, I would have an opinion on the thing, either positive or negative; but if I were then sent forward in time to the modern days of traffic jams and terrible looking subcompacts, how could my opinion not change? Sheer quantity and ubiquity have a way of making hidden problems manifest. A bunny skipping in the forest among a variety of other animals is a lovely sight; an army of them all over your crops is a whole different thing.
Now I do have ideas that do not fall within genre. I like history and I have a few ideas for historical fiction. I am also committed enough that I think I'd do a good job at writing one, at least when it comes to research and truth. But when it comes to these ideas, the story is just a pretext for the re-creation of historical events. I would have to spin a message around this exercise, and I doubt anything good would come out of it.
My fantasy stories are the opposite: they are a message and a story, and the fantasy is spun around them. I think I have something to say through this medium, but would it be worth it? I am sure that despite my best intentions, and even if I managed to pull it off skillfully, the only result to the eyes of everyone would be a genre story that fails to check the boxes that everyone at this point expects.
"Just write it" is easy to say but hard to pull through. I can pull through practical difficulties, but if I lack the faith I cannot work.

[Anonymous No.19612524]

When writing with a word processor, do you guys change your layout to something that resembles book-size? If I keep it in A4 all my paragraphs and chapters feel very short and it feels harder to compare the form to actual books I've read.

[Anonymous No.19612533]

>>19612522
To further your car analogy: I don't feel fascination and wonder at regular cars, because I've seen them since I was born. Electric cars though? Those are cool and my head will always turn to see them. Classic cars too. Sports cars.

What I'm trying to say is, you can be bored with the mass produced version but still be interested in the fringe cases. Write something fringe.

>"Just write it" is easy to say but hard to pull through
You've found the reason why everyone is not a writer.

[Anonymous No.19612535]

>>19612524
I just choose a font that fits what I'm writing and a size that doesn't hurt my eyes to look at. I think there's definitely something to be said for your work having some kind of appearance such that it helps you get it the zone. That said, if you get really caught up in it, there's also probably something to be said about horses and carts, and questions about which follows the other.

[Anonymous No.19612562]

>>19612455

[Anonymous No.19612565]

>>19612535
I essentially just set my page size and margins at the very start to be something close to a book I had at hand. Then Times New Roman size 11. I guess I just want to know what it would roughly look like as a book (not saying it ever will be).

[Anonymous No.19612571]

>>19612562
This is a writing general. Use your words to express your butthurt.

[Anonymous No.19612587]

>>19612571
Just report it for being off-topic and ignore.

[Anonymous No.19612595]

>>19612533
See, I want to write something for people who hate cars, all cars, no matter if they are advertised as cool or are eco-friendly or have a slightly different design or have a gay pattern plastered on top. I hate cars because I hate what they have brought to the world. I hate the traffic, I hate asphalt, I hate driving and I hate other drivers, I hate that commuting is now a thing. Cars are cancer. I could at best write about airplanes.

[Anonymous No.19612604]

>>19612595
... so you want to write a book for people who hate books?

[Anonymous No.19612620]

>>19612604
What I meant to say is that I was fascinated and committed to a thing, but its proliferation has made me nauseous about it. I admit that cars were not a good comparison since cars have no utility at all, they're a luxury item that was astroturfed to popularity. Imagine something that wasn't cancer from the start or at least has a noble side. Speaking of airplanes I should watch The Wind Rises, I think it covers what I feel.

[Anonymous No.19612649]

>>19612620
But airplanes have been commodified as well? Think of all the private jets, helicopter rides over cities, and even people using them for skydiving.

If you think your idea is overdone then you either have to not care and do it anyway or change your idea.

[Anonymous No.19612679]

>>19612649
>But airplanes have been commodified as well?
Yes, that is the point of the comparison. I just grew sick of fantasy stories but it's also where my good ideas lie. Would you want to work at NASA if you knew that all your work would amount to is putting advertisements on the Moon?

[Anonymous No.19612704]

>>19612679
I think you're imagining a problem where there isn't one. If you don't want to write a fantasy story then don't; if you can't think of a way to make fantasy something different than what it is now, then don't write it. Practice a different genre until you come up with a good idea.

[Anonymous No.19612773]

>>19612522
Well, do you even want to write?

[Anonymous No.19612842]

>>19612565
>Times New Roman size 11
Anon, literary typesetting has been far more than that for a long, long time now. If you care at all about typefaces, there's a wide new world out there for you to explore, full of nuance and detail. Seriously.

[Anonymous No.19612850]

>>19612842
Like I say, it's more just to roughly see what my writing would look like in print.

That being said you've interested me. What other typefaces would you recommend? Or any resources you think are particularly good?

[Anonymous No.19612867]

>>19611805
Sorry to hear that, anon.
What’s an ‘ass thrice’?

[Anonymous No.19612880]

>>19611791
Write a good opening paragraph before you try for a good opening line. Then, go on to write a good first page. Then, make sure your first chapter is good. You know what? Maybe you should just fucking write something that's actually good before worrying about how you're going to manage making first impressions.

[Anonymous No.19612884]

>>19612880
But then he actually has to write instead of procrastinating because his first line isn't "perfect".

[Anonymous No.19612902]

>>19612850
I recommend https://vellum.pub/

I hear the anon about carts and horses etc, but I say whatever helps to motivate is worth doing. Some prefer pen and paper, typewriter, word processor, laptop at a cafe…I can see how someone would like to see actual print pages completed as you type.

Best of luck anon, and make this doesn’t drag on long enough to become procrastination.

[Anonymous No.19612916]

>>19612880
>Write a good opening paragraph before you try for a good opening line.

But wouldn’t the opening line be part of the opening paragraph?

[Anonymous No.19612932]

Write a one sentence novel.

[Anonymous No.19612946]

>>19612902
I've written an amount I can be happy with for today, so I'm happy enough indulging in some typeface escapism.

[Anonymous No.19612950]

>>19612932
>take novel
>remove punctuation
>add period at the end

[Anonymous No.19612952]

>>19612916
You write something shit the whole way through then you go back and edit. The first line is generally good because it sets a tone / has a hidden meaning / is a reflection in some way of the greater work. How can you know what that is unless you write the whole thing first?

[Anonymous No.19612954]

>>19612916
Yes, but that opening line must be the worst part of the opening paragraph.

[Anonymous No.19612957]

>>19612932
'Novel' indicates a long work. You mean story.

[Anonymous No.19612958]

>>19612916
I'm probably the biggest, most unrepentant prosefag in this thread. I've been taking a break so I haven't posted in a while, but you probably know me from prior meltdowns about stylism, ambition, and animefags. Writing is more than just prose. It's more than just a collection of clever sentences. It's the way they all fit together. You aren't putting the slightest dent in the art and work of writing by worrying about how your first sentence "hooks" a reader... to the piece you haven't even written yet. Do you understand how ridiculous it is to worry about the very first sentence you'll write? Nobody actually cares that much about a first sentence. You can have the best opening sentence ever written and if what follows sucks, the piece still sucks. People will still stop reading it no matter how good the opening. On the other hand, a poor or unremarkable opening sentence is immaterial if what follows is great.

An opening is a piece of a whole. A hook needs to be attached to lead, line, and pole if you want to catch fish. Stop being retarded and oppositional.

[Anonymous No.19612983]

>>19611779
Thanks anon. Happy for you as well

[Anonymous No.19613015]

>>19612958
>A hook needs to be attached to lead, line, and pole if you want to catch fish

Now THAT’S a good line (shoulda led with it…)

[Anonymous No.19613100]

>>19611789
>>19611807
I always thought publishers handled publicity. How do first-time authors afford all their marketing? Do they go into heavy debt?

[Anonymous No.19613126]

1000 words done today, I can be happy with that. It was my first time writing in a while, hopefully I can follow it up with more tomorrow.

The part of my story I'm writing is supposed to be gut wrenching and I feel it when I write, it's exhausting.

[Anonymous No.19613131]

>>19613100
Publishers SHOULD handle publicity. Otherwise all they are are glorified printing presses. Currently the modern author:
>writes
>edits
>queries
>more or less formats
>markets and promotes
>gets about a 15% cut
The modern agent
>gatekeeps
>sometimes edits
>sells to publishers
>gets a 15% cut
The modern publisher
>prints books
>distributes books
>takes a 70% cut

[Anonymous No.19613133]

Let's buy a printing press and make a /lit/ publishing house

[Anonymous No.19613137]

>>19613133
Sure, go for it!

[Anonymous No.19613141]

>>19613131
They get a bigger cut because they're the one taking on the risk.

[Anonymous No.19613150]

>>19612950
Cormac? Is that you?

[Anonymous No.19613171]

You guys wouldn’t know the difference between gold and shit. Suck my cock-a-too you bunch of no name no talent no soul amateur writers.

[Anonymous No.19613182]

>>19613133
I'd rather handmake beautiful manuscripts and doodle in the margins like monks of old.

[Anonymous No.19613190]

>>19613182

So you're saying I should hire someone on etsy to print out my novel and handbind it with twine?

[Anonymous No.19613193]

>>19613190
That sounds pretty sweet

[Anonymous No.19613206]

>>19613171
Found the shit.

[Anonymous No.19613268]

>>19613171
What makes you say that?

[Anonymous No.19613315]

I thought of an uplifting ending for my short story

[Anonymous No.19613335]

She sits on the sofa again, and for a while neither of us speaks. She rocks slightly back and forth. Finally she sighs deeply and looks straight at me. Her face has become drained and tired.

[Anonymous No.19613388]

>>19613335
An anxious eternity passed between a sharp intake of breath and when she began to speak. "He's dead."

I am silent in response. Her shoulders relax as she exhales and looks back out the window. What a waste of a beautiful morning. She sighs again and sniffs, looking back to me.

"I found out yesterday. No one had to tell me. I just knew."

[Anonymous No.19613395]

>>19613315
That's good!

[Anonymous No.19613397]

>>19613388

She shrugs helplessly. "I still don't understand how or why." She shakes her head slowly. "All I do know is that someone took him away from me... and from everyone."
For a moment, I say nothing, waiting for her to continue. There's a sound in the air, a soft swish of movement beyond the wall. It seems to draw my attention toward it, but when I glance past her, I find myself staring at a blank section of wallpaper. I try to focus on the sound, listening carefully. Nothing. Only the gentle hum of the refrigerator motor.

[Anonymous No.19613419]

>>19613395
Thanks

[Anonymous No.19613440]

>>19613397
“You promised this wouldn’t happen again,” I finally say.

Her posture stays unchanged, but I see a tear forming in the corner of her eye. “I know.... I’m sorry...it’s —” I know she wants to say more, but bites it back.

“We can go somewhere else.” I bring up my hand to wipe the moisture from her cheek.

She doesn’t cry. She simply nods and squeezes my hand. The silence outside the window slips slowly into the room.

[Anonymous No.19613461]

>>19613335
>>19613388
>>19613397
>>19613440

Shit, this story has me more invested than 1/2 the pastebin garbage posted here. What happens next?

[Anonymous No.19613465]

>>19613440

A few leaves float lazily against the glass. Beyond them is a view of sunlight filtering through tall trees that stand at angles to the house.
When I look back at her, I see that tears have pooled under her eyelids. There is sorrow in her gaze. Perhaps the first genuine expression of feeling since the night before. It isn’t lost on me that it is the sadness that accompanies those first, precious moments of shared understanding.

[Anonymous No.19613542]

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/49395/the-undying-emperor

Well that makes 5 chapters up, used a quarter hour this time, so hopefully I stay on the latest updates list for a bit longer than usual

[Anonymous No.19613548]

>>19613542

Let us know how it goes RR-anon

[Anonymous No.19613557]

>>19613465
“He would have been so proud of us, you know,” she continues, still staring into my eyes.

For a fleeting moment, I want to tell her that he wouldn’t — that he, more than anyone, would have hated this entire situation. But, instead, I reach and hold one of her hands with both of my own. The tears rolling down her face now land into my grasp. “I know.” What else could I say?

Closing her eyes and wiping her eyes with her palm, she moves to stand. She looks from me to the room and squinting toward the brightness beyond the glass. She smiles down at me, looking for the world like the last half hour never happened. Hands still holding mine, she gives a slight tug to pull me up as well. “I guess we had better go, then.”

[Anonymous No.19613558]

>>19613548
Well, 15 minutes in and I've gotten 0 clicks, so not well, unless RR has a pretty long update delay

[Anonymous No.19613565]

>>19613558
Well that's bullshit because I clicked on it.

[Anonymous No.19613569]

>>19613565
So there's like a 15 minute delay, because I just got 7 views. Interesting experiment I suppose

[Anonymous No.19613585]

>>19613557

As she turns away from me, the strength that comes with the realization that the day has changed suddenly begins to fade. For a second, I think she will leave without letting me walk beside her to the door. Instead, she stops and stands silently in the center of the room for several long seconds. My heart aches as I watch her struggle. All I can do is wait. In time, she drops my hand and walks across the room. As she reaches the sliding doors to the porch, she glances back and tosses her hair. It floats around her face, sparkling in the light.

[Anonymous No.19613598]

>>19612425
t. human with a missing piece of humanity
were you circumcised anon? what you're describing sounds like the psychological result of that

[Anonymous No.19613654]

>>19612425
that mofo is delusional/baiting

[Anonymous No.19613672]

>>19612425
>>19613598
He's right that especially after you have a degree of sexual experience under your belt (no pun intended), and even more so after the first few experiences of falling in love for someone head-over-heels, sex becomes a much more material act and completely loses its dignity as an act of love.
On the other hand, that genuine love-making where you really mean it is a whole another feeling and it feels like somewhat of a mystical act, like you're joining yourself with someone. I think this is lost today because people are encouraged to give away their virginity like it's some kind of burden rather than a virtue, because our world is ruled by evil people who want to destroy every trace of true attachment between people. There is no better way to destroy this than damaging the bond that this kind of early hormonal teenage love can develop among two people.

[Anonymous No.19613690]

>>19610330
I think the "some more painfully than others" tripped me up on my first reading. I would suggest taking that out at the very least.

[Anonymous No.19613710]

I'm writing another short western story again. If anyone has any feedback on the opening I'd love to hear them.

[Anonymous No.19613742]

>>19613672
>sex becomes a much more material act and completely loses its dignity as an act of love
sounds like you've had too many one night stands anon. and saying that something as intimately primal as sex is "gross, strange and awful" speaks to a kind of arrested development or psychological rape, which is why I wondered if his most personal and intimate parts were subjected to something as awful and stultifying as genital mutilation

[Anonymous No.19613785]

>>19613690
The idea of the split there is to layer interest over cliche.

A house being a cocoon is a relatively tired cliche/low hanging fruit. It needs an extra bit of oomph to be a hook. I've removed the adverb, for, even though it would be the only one in the book (I do an adverb pass before starting my second draft) modern books just don't have em.

Thanks, China Mieville.

[Anonymous No.19613824]

>>19613710
Start wide, an establishing shot, or start small, a pinhole widening.

You've tried to start wide, encompassing the whole room and it isn't as engaging. The inciting incident in the scene is the dude burning his hand on the pot, start there, a dull rising up from sleep into interest at vague pain.

[Anonymous No.19613900]

>>19613742
I have had exactly zero one-night stands. I speak from long-term relationships.

[Anonymous No.19613914]

>>19613742
Also I don't think he meant gross in the sense that sex is revolting. But when it's stripped of the mistique of love it indeed becomes a somewhat dirty act.

[Anonymous No.19613915]

>>19613900
I've been with the same woman for 10+ years. Sex should be a homecoming, not a chore. Get your head right, stop watching porn.

[Anonymous No.19613936]

>>19613915
I'm not that anon. I hate porn. You keep making assumptions about me. The only thing that happened is that the "love" fizzled out over time, which is mostly on my part because a few experiences early on completely shattered all my faith in genuine romance. I came to see it as some kind of affectionate agreement, not the holy union between two kindred spirits I thought of it before.

[Anonymous No.19613938]

>>19613672
>the first few experiences of falling in love for someone head-over-heels
Humans aren't designed to be able to fall in love over and over again. Eventually the brain becomes habituated to it and, by virtue of overexposure, cheapens the experience. It tamps down on the intensity cocktail. The real moral here is that you shouldn't just jump from relationship to relationship. Those to whom love is still a special, rare thing will be the ones with real, lasting relationship security.

[Anonymous No.19613948]

>>19613936
>I came to see it as some kind of affectionate agreement

Congratulations on becoming an adult unyoked. Disillusioned. Understand that love wanes. Given time, it also comes back.

[Anonymous No.19613974]

>>19612247
it's not. I'm writing in a period from before the New World was discovered by Columbus.
>>19612015
imagine if you put as much effort into writing as you do into being a bitter crab.
>>19612524
I write at 140% zoom because I'm blind as shit. I move the document window to the side so it's more narrow, which cuts off the margins and keeps the text area whole, and in the other part of the screen I have a pretty image set up I can look at. Or some sort of reference map or whatever.
One "page" in a word document becomes like, 3 pages printed, if you write in single spacing.

[Anonymous No.19613989]

>>19611928
>Very good content today
I can't imagine having the arrogance to say that my writing is "very good content." If you can say that about yourself and your writing with a straight face, you're truly built for this world.

[Anonymous No.19613996]

>>19613710
Not bad, anon. Should be
"That's a bike," he said...

how exactly can eyes be half-cocked though. Needs some thoughtful line editing but the content isn't bad.

[Anonymous No.19614004]

>>19612957
No I meant a novel. Give me that endless sentence, or die trying.

[Anonymous No.19614028]

Short story idea:
Every person is sent to a facility once they reach a certain age in order to lose their virginity (sexual intercourse is magically prevented before this age). You have to stay in that facility until you get laid with a 100% enthusiastic, consenting partner. It’s okay though, because there are plenty of amenities and you can live there comfortably for your whole life- the only downside is you can’t get back to the outside world. There’s a lot of middle-aged/old people who never managed to get that partner, some of the undesirable people end up committing suicide after spending years in the facility, others have gay sex because the opposite gender won’t touch them. The protagonist is new to the facility and is experiencing their first love and potential fuck.

[Anonymous No.19614033]

>>19613938
Well anon it was indeed a special thing to me. I was always seriously committed in my relationships, and no matter how bad it went I endured and tried to fix things. The girls just left. Mostly because they wanted to have more experiences before settling down, like the idea of ending up with someone who was so seriously committed long-term was scary and uncomfortable to them. I guess you can just say that it was all my fault as it always happens when you argue about this shit online, it's the easiest way to win the argument. "You were probably bad, boring or you were bad at sex". I always remained the same throughout, if I was stellar during the first year then how can things change overnight? You see the same person who thought she'd die without you, cheating on you or leaving you because uhm... I don't know.. I'm still young, I want to live muh life... I have this opportunity to travel and y-yes I think need to take more dick, have fun.... then when I am 35-40 I will consider doing this serious relationship stuff but for the time being the cock carousel calls, uhm sorry??
Then I've seen the later development of these people: they're like 30 and they've hit the wall, they have spawned maybe, and they're desperate to get that commitment and trust back. They offer me their used up cunt as if that meant anything to me. I ghost them and they screech because they expected me to be the same retard they dumped when they were younger. Fuck this shit. Thank goodness I don't like fucking for the sake of fucking or I'd have enjoyed pumping and dumping all of them while making the same stupid promises.
It was 100% not on my side. Women are just sheep and they see that they're supposed to suck and fuck their 20s away and they expect the committed retard (me) to pick them back up when they're 35. They know it, if they don't know it yet they tell one another. I can picture a friend telling her "but look, settling down with him? right now? he's gonna be there later on, just have fun now!" this is why they rage so incescribably hard when I always told them that I would cut all relationship with them. Put a spanner in their little shitty plan and they go absolutely nuts. I've had one rage at me because I told her that we'd part ways, in the most peaceful way that I would not contact her anymore or go out with her anymore, that it was over for good. She'd call me and bitch at me because I wouldn't stay friends with her. Why the fuck did you want that? Why bitch so hard to keep me around? Whores.
I'll die celibate. It was like quitting smoking to me.

[Anonymous No.19614044]

>>19614028
Alright, so what's the hook

[Anonymous No.19614161]

>>19613710
I’m going to try to resist the temptation to re-write, and just give general /crit/.

The overall scene is a good one, and it had me engaged.

Your sentences were too long. I don’t care about length as a rule, but you’re trying to do too much in each one where a couple short ones will do better. Especially in this genre, default to terse and choose tour moments to get fancy.

Burnt, burnt…use another word.

Smoked urine and burnt skin —> pissing into a cookfire

Fascinated dog is a worthless metaphor, I can visualize his look far better without trying to conjure a ‘fascinated dog with sunken eyes’

Try to use fewer words. Sentence one, for example, loses nothing if you cut ‘with the smell’, change ‘burnt odor’ to ‘odor’, drop ‘little’…fuck it, I guess I will rewrite, after all:
>There they lay - six of them - on the floor of the smoke-filled room. It reeked of burnt stew, burnt tobacco and…another familiar odor, like piss dousing a cookfire. One of them…

A bunch of ‘might’ve once’s and ‘some sort of’s…it makes sense if your 3rd person narrator isn’t sure, but there seems to be a lot of hedging/qualifying for an omniscient POV

>“That’s a bike.” he said…
^would be a good time to use the speaker’s name.

All said, i like the intro. Take all the above as my preference/style only.

[Anonymous No.19614184]

>>19614033

Browse through /r/femaledatingstrategy

[Anonymous No.19614290]

>>19614184
I assume this will make me angry. I don't need that nor it is useful to me.

[Anonymous No.19614291]

>>19614290

But it'll be funny

[Anonymous No.19614305]

>>19614291
are you some kind of sadist anon

[Anonymous No.19614308]

>>19614305

maybe...

[Anonymous No.19614317]

>>19614028
That is so cringe/contrived.

>Who determines ‘100% enthusiastic’?
>Good luck keeping teens from fucking before their time
>Why would society just let x% of their population live in a sex school?
>Does everyone just spend all day thinking about fucking? Sounds like some boring-ass inmates.
>Who pays for all this? Who cleans the place and makes the food?
>So the residents with the most sway/seniority must be truly unfuckable. I’m imagining some 40 yo mongoloid with a posse of soda-toothed neckbeards.

At least make it an opt-in program, or a school just for members of a crazy cult or something. You’ve created a whole dystopia just to contrive some scene of virgins fucking…

On the plus side, you’ve rid the outside world of incels and uggos. Maybe I’d prefer to hear a story from beyond the walls of the (90% male, I'm sure) Incel Prison.

[Anonymous No.19614354]

>>19614028
Incel/Femcel coed prison sounds like a much better story idea
>if any of them lose their virginity, they can leave
>unfortunately, they only have each other
>can love bloom in the incel prison?

[Anonymous No.19614376]

>>19614354
>>19614028
>>19614317
For the record this is a story terrible idea.
But if you were to write it, write it in a world where 1950s style institutionalizations are the norm.

[Anonymous No.19614398]

>>19614317
>You’ve created a whole dystopia just to contrive some scene of virgins fucking…
Kek yeah that was the point. I’ve also thought of a short story idea where a sizeable group of people (criminals, volunteers, or people who were born into the program) are being used for an experiment to see how well humans can follow animal mating systems and whether these are better than what human societies currently practice (something something the apocalypse happened and they’re trying to rebuild the human population or whatever). The protagonist is a guy who’s stuck in an ungulate system where he has to compete with other males for access to a harem, except he doesn’t want to compete and has feelings for only one woman. He learns about the outside world aka normal human society and wants to escape there with the woman he loves. She’s too scared to leave so he escapes on his own, but promises to come back for her someday.

[Anonymous No.19614440]

>>19614398
I (personally) think a more interesting way to pull off this sex dystopia is to create a society where one's sex "score" works as some sort of social credit. The more you fuck, the more you are worth. It's not just about getting sex, which would be close to how actual life works, but some sort of sex-status. If you are a good lay, if you have a huge schlong, everything about you is put into a score and this worth is your literal worth in society. Imagine that everything else has been automated and cared for, no jobs, no bills, perfect utopia. I would even go as far as imagine this world as a world where all the totalitarian dangers are past. What now? Asked everyone. We fuck. And so society started revolving around fucking. Fucking and fucking and fucking to no end, and since human beings need a hierarchy, to fuck becomes the meaning of life itself. Hardmode: to never describe actual sex acts, but go about the mental process of this man who thinks about sex like someone with a million dollars in debt who needs to scramble the money together.

[Anonymous No.19614464]

>>19613824
Thanks for reading and for the feedback anon. I was trying to set the tone for some of the characters in the scene but you may be right about adding more to the scene.
>>19613996
>"That's a bike," he said...
Kek, still struggling with those quotes. Thanks very much for reading and for the feedback anon. I tend to add too much detail with things like "half-cocked" without realizing it so I appreciate the you mentioning it.
>>19614161
>Smoked urine —> pissing into a cookfire
Kek, actually a reference to opium but they probably do piss in the fireplace as well.
Thanks so much for reading and for all the feedback anon, I really appreciate you taking the time. I do tend to use too many words so I think you're right about needing to cut down on it and probably also shouldn't rely on so many qualifiers. Glad you found it engaging, though. It's mainly supposed to be entertaining so that's nice to hear.

[Anonymous No.19614473]

>>19613785
I feel you man. I think it's a pretty interesting idea but the line just needs some cleaning up to make it a little cleare, imo. Probably should've said that in the first place instead of just saying to cut out the line.

[Anonymous No.19614500]

>>19614028
That sounds very similar to the film The Lobster anon. I think you could possibly make it work but I think it'd probably written in an absurd style and that can be tricky to do.

[Anonymous No.19614566]

>>19614033
Sounds like you've got a lot of bitterness.

[Anonymous No.19614569]

>>19614500
>look up The Lobster
Lol what the fuck. Thanks for bringing my attention to this movie

[Anonymous No.19614667]

>>19614566
Only when I think about the past. As long as I don't plan on dating I don't have a problem and I enjoy talking to women.

[Anonymous No.19614997]

>3 sentences of infodumping
>want to die
>3 pages of landscape description
>would write another 3 pages and love every word

[Anonymous No.19615063]

>>19614997
Damn I wish landscape description was that easy for me.

[Anonymous No.19615419]

Chapter 62 released. 200k words. About 80k more words than I was anticipating when initially outlining for the whole thing. So it goes.
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/40361/erased
Hope you're all making worthwhile progress.

[Anonymous No.19615507]

>>19615419
>About 80k more words than I was anticipating when initially outlining for the whole thing.
Do you feel like this is due to actual meaningful growth or just bloat that comes from not being allowed to edit down a serial release?

[Anonymous No.19615512]

I’m trying to write fight scenes but describing the actions is hard. Any tips or story recommendations that will help?

[Anonymous No.19615522]

>>19615512
take a few martial arts lessons or something, or play a sport like volleyball or tennis where you have a direct opponent
or just irl get in a bar fight

[Anonymous No.19615553]

>>19615522
thnx
But I meant actually writing down the actions. Like how I would describe someone getting knocked backwards by the force of their swords clashing?

[Anonymous No.19615555]

I’m in Italy petting a feral cat.
I have a hand on each of his hips and I’m jiggling him from side to side.
He looks back at me with a smug look on his face, a sign that he is enjoying it.
I increase the jiggling and he starts purring.
The purrs are so loud they echo through the entire length of the quaint street I’m in.
A 6 ft 2 blonde woman steps off a speedboat and walks up to me.
“Do you make all pussies purr like that?” she asks.
Within seconds I’ve busted a nut on her face.
“Meow,” she says.
Before my cock has a chance to recoil, I bust another load straight on her face.
“Don’t you know cats can’t swim?” she says.
Before my cock has a chance to recoil, I bust another load straight on her face.
She now looks like a clumsily glazed cake. She can’t talk.
A doctor taps me on the back and says “Sir, one more ejaculation and you risk severe dehydration!”
I bust a load straight on his face.
Now I feel dirty. Not to mention, dehydrated.
I steal the speedboat and sail away.
Just before I reach the horizon, the cat from earlier jumps onto my shoulder and whispers in my ear “faggot” and jumps into the water and swims away with perfect breaststroke form.

[Anonymous No.19615642]

>>19615555
Nice get

[Anonymous No.19615647]

>>19615507
there's undoubtedly bloat, but the story is just big. the initial 30 or so chapters, I could probably cut/combine 5 of them if I was pretty merciless, but that would drop it to like 80k. which, as a standalone book, would work. I didn't add any chapters whatsoever to those first 30 chapters. they weren't needed. that first part of the story stands on its own pretty well.

the second part of the story I've definitely added bloat. I added probably 8 chapters so far, added additional plots, additional worldbuilding, additional fleshing out of character motivations, and a bunch of stuff that will lead to a sequel. is bloat necessarily bad? no, but only if its interesting. that said, the story the book is telling is long.

[Anonymous No.19615659]

>>19615553
>how would I describe
well, how the fuck would it feel if you were there doing it? that's the point of doing similar things yourself. an internet blog can't write the novel for you.

[Anonymous No.19615661]

>>19615555
kek'd
if only you faggots put as much effort into your work as to shitposts

[Anonymous No.19615682]

>>19615661
You're telling me this isn't a good first page to my upcoming novel?

[Anonymous No.19615722]

>>19615419
Not today I'm not. Sick as a dog with a respiratory infection. Barely managed to get 1k writing done. I got some decent response to my chapter 5 upload though.

I think I'm slightly ramping up anyways. I now have over 10k uploaded to RR, so hopefully that draws in more people who have been ignoring me.

[Anonymous No.19615786]

>>19615722
that sucks, I had something last week into this one but it was mostly my sinuses draining and some light coughing. I bought 200 menthol cough drops for 6 dollars. I've been popping them like candy. feel better

[Anonymous No.19615816]

Missed a few /wg/ threads. Did anyone ever write that story about a dog who discovers aliens?

[Anonymous No.19615836]

>>19615553
Make it short and snappy. Use the five senses liberally as opposed to just description. Pick strong and precise words.

[Anonymous No.19615907]

>>19613742
>>19613598
>>19613672
I am happily uncircumcised thanks, my penis is very sensitive and large if you must know desu. I have no reason to believe I was ever sexually abused as a child, and I am a fully grown man with no serious issues (that are relevant). I don't watch porn, and I don't have "casual" hook-ups. I also don't hate sex. Those are just my observations from having a long-term, committed relationship. I was perhaps being slightly over the top because virgin anon made me cringe

On the contrary, I think those who worship sex are the psychologically raped. Or at least those whom afford it some sort of authority in their life. The libido is just such a powerful beast which needs absolute discipline, at the expense of fun or what have you. Sex outside of committed adult relationships is invariably destructive. Invariably.

[Anonymous No.19615919]

>>19615555
lmao

[Anonymous No.19615994]

>>19611585
I don't care about publishing, I write for myself.

[Anonymous No.19616001]

>>19611691
How'd you do it anon?

[Anonymous No.19616033]

Does a story have to have a plot?

[Anonymous No.19616044]

>>19616033
Hmm, this is a good question. I think a story doesn't NECESSARILY need a story, but I think it at least needs a 'situation' if you get my meaning.

[Anonymous No.19616047]

>>19616033
the least plot oriented story that was actually good that I can think of is Tale of a Tub. but that's because it has a heavy dose of satire which makes up for a lot. and even it has a plot, of sorts.

[Anonymous No.19616049]

>>19616044
sorry I mean it doesn't NECESSARILY need a plot

[Anonymous No.19616081]

>>19615816
All yours, anon

[Anonymous No.19616143]

>>19615836
>Use the five senses liberally as opposed to just description

I smelled sparks as steel crash against steel. The impact was methol rushing through my bones and I locked my jaw to keep my teeth from chattering. I could see my breath - and his, thank god - pour from mouth and nostril, my ears filled with the keening of my lungs, begging for air. In all this chaos the one thing I didn’t sense was pain. Just a warm, slow embrace as gravity pulled me to the ground. I had to claw myself free from that warmth, and back to the battle. A lone rational voice in my head shouted that if I gave in now I would never wake; yet if this was waking life held for me perhaps a warriors death would not be so bad a send off.

>m I doing it rite?

[Anonymous No.19616151]

>>19616001
At one point a certain book circulated the net, whose title I now forget, outlining the methods to remove records of yourself from the internet and elsewhere and to prevent any additional information being published, whether by government or marketing establishments or other actors. I took the contents to heart but can't find a copy of the original book now, and I haven't seen it posted elsewhere in the last few years. Among other actions, I've harassed a lot of people to remove my information from their database. If you want it done they like to put you through hoops hoping you'll give up, but you can always put the fear of god (lawyers) into them and force them to remove it.
Marketers are scum. There's an entire industry around selling people's private data. A lot of government agencies also collect it and have shoddy security protocol, resulting in regular leaks. Other than that it's a matter of keeping your name off the net to begin with. a lot of people accidentally self-dox (even if all the requisite info isn't posted at once, continually posting results in enough of a trail to put together a profile of someone in ways most people wouldn't realize unless they've seen real time doxing take place). it's best to invent a new persona now and then or throw out falsified information as a red herring to ruin profilers.

i've gained underhanded discussions with both the HR side and the agency side regarding background checks, and as it turns out they're all lazy bastards. if they cant find anything explicitly wrong, they just pass you, so the lack of information alone isn't a disqualifying mark.

[Anonymous No.19616166]

>>19616143
>meant to write a troll post, mis-using all the senses
>actually pretty satisfied by how it came out.

Seems like even if you try to fuck it up, the ‘five senses’ hack is pretty legit.

[Anonymous No.19616282]

i barely read anything in my genre because it's all shit. how to cope with these feels. if there are good titles i cant hardly find them
sometimes i just want to die

[Anonymous No.19616301]

>>19616282
Sounds like you’ve either got a shitty genre (as a reader), or an untapped one (as an author).

What genre, if I might ask?
>And if you’re the anon writing furry loli, you can fuck right off. Some genres are shit b/c no one respectable comes within a mile of that content.

[Anonymous No.19616320]

>>19616282
Channel Jubel Harshaw (Stranger in a Strange Land). Shit out pulp novels and rake in the consoomer’s cash while you can. Maybe publish something respectable under a pen name when you want to branch out.

[Anonymous No.19616647]

>>19616166
It works every time. His sentences are shit though. They're too fucking long and time is passing too slowly.

[Anonymous No.19616734]

[Anonymous No.19616743]

I failed at being an artist, I failed at music before, and even coding and games gave me trouble.
Just tell me how can I know now that I have no talent for writing either?
>>>/ic/5803567
I need to become a noted artist as to have people care about my planned ritual suicide.

[Anonymous No.19616767]

>>19616743
My ideas are too visual for any book, I could never write a book, not a good one. All my writing is in conversation, never attempted it, too old to do it, soon to be 21.
Please, someone, just rip out the hope from me.

[Anonymous No.19616777]

>>19616743
Are you the schizo from /ic/ beg that repeatedly posts about not being good at art? I hope not.


Anon, the thing with art is that any given field has fundamentals, principles, and material skills that need to be learned and mastered. “Good” or “interesting” art can come from someone at any point on the spectrum of art, but one still needs to have mastery of fundamentals to really get anywhere. Art is sometimes considered expression, and if, in that sense, we compare art to communication, we get the picture that one must master a certain level of a language to be able to properly articulate a thought and communicate it to another person. You can learn more words that mean different things to express yourself different ways, but in the end you need to both have something to express and also the skills to be able to properly express it. I could learn all the strange jazz chords in the world, but if I don’t know how to use them in a sentence, what’s the point? I also could have the most beautiful woman in the world getting railed by the most vigorous of cocks, but if I can’t proportionally draw her eyes correctly, what’s the point? Most people consume more than they make and so they unjustly compare themselves to other artists who have had more time and opportunity to hone their craft. Most people in this thread write because they love to read. All of them judge themselves in comparison to their favorite authors. I myself am writing this post in such a way to remind myself of one of my favorite non fiction writers, but I’m not sure how on point I really am. But at least I’m trying. I’m trying to express something to you with articulation within my given skillset and practice. It might be effective. It might not. If it isn’t, then I’ll have to keep working on my craft, which is what you and everyone else in this thread should do.

[Anonymous No.19616835]

>>19616777
Yes, that's me, any issues?
I have no talent, I was born poor into a nothing family into a nothing place, all I had are half abandoned persistent thought parasites that I call ideas. What can I possibly say or do that it would matter, why not skip to the end? I know how the movie ends why try for anything else. I simply lack time to do anything else, to get good at anything else.

[Anonymous No.19616846]

Why do agents get so hung up on hating on random punctuation marks? Some of them will rant for hours about how much they hate semicolons or exclamation marks or something else. Do they realize these exist for us to use and exist because we need them?

[Anonymous No.19616852]

>>19616734
lmfao wat dis, that's brilliant
>>19616777
>>19616743
>>19616835
the fuck is with the crazy drama /wg/ begets?

[Anonymous No.19616875]

>>19616835
Yes, I have an issue with you because no matter how many times I answer your question no matter how many different ways, you never substantively respond to any of my advice, critique, or really ever participate in a two way conversation. I’ve now wasted a total of a few hours of my life replying to you. Genuinely caring and putting effort into my replies, only to be met with the same repetitive and recursive thought patterns you have never broken out of. At this point, your questioning yourself has me questioning myself. It’s like being able to befriend any dog you meet except for one that was battered as a puppy and just never got over it. You never question your question. You never ask the sub parts. You never look into aesthetic philosophy. On the rare chance you actually do download an art book you drop it after a few pages of sketches. You spend more time complaining on 4chan than you do studying composition. Your failures are not in your ability or your expression, they are fundamental to the way you examine the world. If you were to actually think critically for once in your life you would see that you only ever tackle the concept in one direction, in one style, with one philosophical dynamic. You forget everything anyone has ever told you when you begin to wallow in your little pond of sorrow. You won’t even reply to the substance of this post because it goes over your head. You’ll say everyone but you has talent and cry about how you suck. It’s predictable and frustrating. If this whole persona was an art piece I’d say it was fantastic, but I seriously think you have some issues bud. And I wish I could help.

[Anonymous No.19616886]

3500 words for today. it was more of a struggle than usual but i cleaned the narrative up in this section.

[Anonymous No.19616889]

>>19616875
Stop writing like that, it doesn't come across as you hope it does, it's not even good practice, the cadence is all wrong, no rhythm.
I know I have issues, I am more than aware I fucked up but I'm bored, I'm done with being me, I want to kill myself but why can't I?

[Anonymous No.19616895]

>>19615419
>https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/40361/erased
>gender bender
>virtual reality
>thieves guild
>secret identity
I'm genuinely curious as to what type of reader finds that collection of tags interesting.

[Anonymous No.19616901]

>>19616889
Because you are a coward
Who’s mind has only narrowed
You avoid it all
Because you cannot draw
Without psychotherapy you feel empowered

[Anonymous No.19616904]

>>19616886
Thanks for the word count update. Keep me posted.

[Anonymous No.19616908]

>>19616886
your word output and fixation on a series that ritualistically puts prepubescent characters through traumatic experiences is troubling to say the least.

[Anonymous No.19616940]

>>19616889
no reply to me
Can not draw a box well
This is a haiku

[Anonymous No.19616949]

Pls let me know if any parts of my fight scene are too confusing. Character A has two swords and Character B has one sword. It’s supposed to be like an action sequence in a martial arts movie.

>[Character A] lifted [character A’s weapon]’s blades just in time to block [Character B]’s sword as the [Character B] bore down on him from above. Undeterred by the halting of his sword’s momentum, [Character B] slammed a foot into [Character A]’s abdomen, which sent [Character A] stumbling backwards with a grunt.

>He’d barely caught his balance when [Character B] swung [character B’s weapon] at him again. [Character A] parried with one of [character A’s weapon]’s blades, and in response [Character B] spun around to give impetus to his next sword strike. [Character A] blocked the next blow with [character A’s weapon]’s other blade. He was forced to move back while dodging and parrying as [Character B] continued to spin forward and rain consecutive blows on him.

>After a few more rounds of [Character B] striking at him, [Character A] suddenly dropped to the ground and shot his leg out in a sweeping kick. [Character B] jumped up to avoid [Character A]’s kick, and as gravity brought him back down, he swung his sword at [Character A]’s face before the minor god could get to his feet. [Character A] managed to catch the oncoming [character B’s weapon] between [character A’s weapon]’s blades and diverted its path away from his face. Pushed by [Character B]’s weight, [character B’s weapon] kept sliding forward until its crossguard made contact [character A’s weapon], at which point [Character A] twisted around to flip and throw [Character B] onto the ground.

>[Character B] was still on his back when [Character A] thrusted both of [character A’s weapon]’s blades at him. [Character B] rolled to the side, the twin swords just missing him by a hair.

[Anonymous No.19616951]

>>19616908
>that ritualistically puts prepubescent characters through traumatic experiences is troubling
although they all go through traumatic experiences, only some of my characters are prepubescent.

[Anonymous No.19616985]

>>19611600
>not "if you fail to prepare, you're preparing to fail"
c'mon fellah

[Anonymous No.19617049]

>>19613133
I fucking wish the pussies who snipe and quibble anonymously on here actually had a practicable means of putting their work on display for all to see. They would never get to raise their voices again without "why don't you publish something lmao" shutting them down. What a day it would be.

[Anonymous No.19617089]

>>19616949
Who's perspective is this supposed to be written in?

[Anonymous No.19617125]

>>19616033
No. A story doesn't need anything. However, it must center BIPOC voices.

Seriously are you retarded. Yes, a story needs a plot. Though I suppose you know better than every storyteller in human history? Bet you think you're pushing boundaries, or you're postmodern. Plot is the most important element in every good story.

[Anonymous No.19617129]

>>19616767
Shame on you.

Repent.

[Anonymous No.19617130]

>>19617089
Impartial narrator

[Anonymous No.19617243]

>>19616949
Responses please

[Anonymous No.19617264]

>>19616949
Could you maybe like just use the characters' name? Reading it like this gives me a headache.

[Anonymous No.19617269]

Found this old story I wrote and sat down and edited it for an hour. Thoughts?

[Anonymous No.19617287]

>>19617130
I think you should write the sequence from only one of the characters perspective. It seems kinda messy and stilted right now.

[Anonymous No.19617290]

>>19617264
Lol sure
Sen = Yan’s weapon, Ki = Tak’s weapon

>Yan lifted Sen’s blades just in time to block Tak’s sword as the thunder god bore down on him from above. Undeterred by the halting of his sword’s momentum, Tak slammed a foot into Yan’s abdomen, which sent the minor god stumbling backwards with a grunt.
>He’d barely caught his balance when Tak swung Ki at him again. Yan parried with one of Sen’s blades, and in response Tak spun around to give impetus to his next sword strike. Yan blocked the next blow with Sen’s other blade. He was forced to move back while dodging and parrying as Tak continued to spin forward and rain consecutive blows on him.
>After a few more rounds of Tak striking at him, Yan suddenly dropped to the ground and shot his leg out in a sweeping kick. Tak jumped up to avoid Yan’s kick, and as gravity brought him back down, he swung his sword at Yan’s face before the minor god could get to his feet. Yan managed to catch the oncoming Ki between Sen’s blades and diverted its path away from his face. Pushed by Tak’s weight, Ki kept sliding forward until its crossguard made contact with Sen, at which point Yan twisted around to flip and throw Tak onto the ground.
>Tak was still on his back when Yan thrusted both of Sen’s blades at him. The thunder god rolled to the side, the twin swords just missing him by a hair. The exchange of blows came to a short stop as both gods scrambled to their feet.

[Anonymous No.19617291]

>>19616767
books are an antiquated medium anyway. learn to draw or, even better, animate instead. you'll reach more people and those mediums are better suited to visual storytelling.

[Anonymous No.19617319]

>>19617290
Mentioning their names and their weapons' names get very repetive. Try to use names sparingly.

[Anonymous No.19617329]

>>19617287
Hmm you have a point. Were the descriptions of the actions adequate enough for you to visualize what was happening though?

[Anonymous No.19617333]

>>19617319
I’ve heard that using epithets too much is also bad though, and pronouns can get confusing when they’re both the same gender. Tips on how to substitute names?

[Anonymous No.19617424]

>>19617290
"Gods" scuffling like some larping teenagers with their swords and shit is so ridiculous. If you're going to put something absurd like GOD in your story, it should be a little more creative than that. Otherwise there's no reason why they couldn't be just dudes

[Anonymous No.19617761]

>>19617424
Mkay but could you visualize what was happening in the scene based off my sentences? Or were they too confusing

[Anonymous No.19618022]

>>19617761
No.

[Anonymous No.19618099]

>>19615512
go and punch a guy irl and keep a journal of your experiences

[Anonymous No.19618216]

Too bad the thread is almost pruned. I need some advice. I'm writing a short story where a political debate — utterly packed with a vacuous, meaningless speech that tells you littery nothing — is interrupted by commercials every time the speech is on the cusp of saying something useful. I'm still looking for kinds of commercials, specifically for oversimplifications and parodies. Like the cheesiness of perfume commercials. Or how "Pepsi" will get you a woman and give meaning to your life. Or how a product is made with "honest work" in the countryside by a friendly local farmer. Or an action-packed movie trailer. If you have any suggestions fire away.

>This is sort of the style I'm going for
He had it all. Family, longing, adventure. The passion was real. Their future envisioned. It was the perfect crime. Then, disaster struck! Finding himself in a world shattered by natural disaster and social disorder. A legend was born from the ashes. Now one man stands alone with nothing to lose. Fighting against a tyrannical government in a torn country, powered by violence and crime. In a war that isn't his. A rogue helicopter terrorizes the countryside. The most deadly submarine ever built. A doomsday device lies deep in its ancient catacombs. Extraterrestrial occupation. Chaos. Treading on a knife's edge. Special agent John Kruger sets out to slay the maniacal Mad Dog Murderer. Silver Snake, held up in his lair of evil. For justice, for freedom, for family, he fights. Plagued by visions of his past, secrets have a way of coming back to haunt you. Plunging down into the dark recesses of his mind. Detective duo, Mike Lawyer and Marcus Burnett unveil their city's dark secrets. One bullet at a time. Men of action don't follow the rules, they make them. Loose cannons. The mistress of the mansion, menacingly watches over her guests. Supernatural occurrences, ghosts of tortured past. No one is safe from her seduction. She has her ways of making you talk! Sharp fanged, she lusts for vengeance. In an age where terrorism knows no boundaries. A population cowering in fear longs for a hero. One man stands between disaster. Now it is up to them, to save the day. With a cast that'll knock your tits off! Friends and foes alike, they're back! With stars like Benny Weisberg as New York cop, John Mclain. Jessica Scott as Secret Agent Ginger Rose. And, Academy award winner Danny Davidson as Dr Black Hawk. From the makers of "Zero Degrees per Hour", and "Canned Violence", comes the action-packed, blockbuster extravaganza you've all been waiting for. What will happen to these heroes in a world full of corruption? Find out this fall! PG-13

[Anonymous No.19618244]

>>19618216
She's young, she's wild, and she's looking for adventure. Have you got what it takes to conquer this Amazonian? The untameable, and captivating image of the female Goddess is waiting for you. Plump, bloated, curvy and sensual. Crushing you underneath her high heels, 20 feet tall and emancipating. Your manhood is small and shrivelled. She’s well-able to bare. Your father isn't angry. No. He's disappointed. A single tear flows down his cheek. The first time you've seen your father cry. Crushing. You shit your pants. You filthy loser. You're shattered. What do you do? Drink Pepsi, of course! Try our new Cherry Blaha Bomba Blast! Bursting with flavours. Refreshing and cool. It'll perk you right up. Raise that self-esteem of yours a thousand fold. Straighten your back, young man! The future is now. You're mama's little go-getter. Aren’t you? Conquer that Amazonian! Take that, which is rightfully yours. Experience! You're fresh, you're hip, you're lean, you’re young, you trendy. You're Pepsi! Now without any additives, artificial colouration or sugars.

I'm a simple man. I work with animals, crops, and wood. I plough the soil on freshly dewed, misty sunlight mornings. The earth between my finger nails that mother gave me, my inheritance, my birth right. What more does a man need, than the pleasures so artisanly curated by old grove forest. Hand made, crafted with love and care by the rough course hands of a blue collar worker. Try Woodchucks Fragrance. Find your country girl, still engaged in the melancholic limerick of century's gone past. Loving care, and a wish to please. Children to bare, and a longing to serve. You! Only you. Woodchucks. The fragrance for men who are still attuned to the finer things in life. Woodchucks. Your fragrance.

>These two are still a WIP

[Anonymous No.19618257]

>>19618216
>>19618244
First time I have genuinely kekked reading /wg/. But be careful, it reads like 90s pomo literature (see Pelevin).

[Anonymous No.19618272]

>>19618257
Thank you, anon. I'm glad you found it funny. Please elaborate on what you mean by 90's promo literature. My goal is to make it cheesy as hell. And why would Pelevin be relevant?

[Anonymous No.19618280]

How do I come up with a good antagonist? I come up with concepts i want but never an antagonist… ugh

[Anonymous No.19618348]

>>19618280
I get all of this out of my Screenwriting handbook, you can use them in any way you like. But it is by no means a definitive view on antagonism. This is just the classical one.

In classical screenwriting, I'd say the Hero is the one that deserves to win, because, despite his faults, he's willing to change. Change is the most important in classical storytelling. So a good antagonist is someone who has faults, usually somehow related to those of the protagonist, but fails to change them or see its errors, and thus inevitably loses.

Another classical trope is that the antagonist is all-powerful, an established order with all the resources at hand. This way the protagonist, with his cobbled together "crew" of misfits, the underdog, fights his way upwards. Eventually standing on the same ground as the antagonist.

The antagonist can invariably lead to the protagonist's growth. Irony is a popular storytelling device. The forces of antagonism are so invasive/strong that it all but forces the protagonist to change.

Determine a value that you wish to convey in your story (or through your protagonist). Let's say "Righteousness". Now invert it for the antagonist. The negative is unfairness. Other opposing values might be arbitrariness, dishonesty, etc. And a double negation or superlative might be tyranny. These are the characteristics your protagonist should embody. Another example shows how a bit of moral ambiguity can flesh out your antagonist. The value is "true", the negative is "Lies", the moral grey area could be "A little white lie" and the superlative could be "Self-deception" (Being that which undermines the antagonist, a fault in itself). Always try to avoid black and white dichotomies unless you're writing a cheesy superhero plot.

[Anonymous No.19618350]

NEW THREAD >>19618345
NEW THREAD >>19618345
NEW THREAD >>19618345

[Anonymous No.19618385]

>>19617290
It's too much to describe so I'll just line edit it for you, and you tell me what you think.
>>Yan lifted his blades just in time to block as the thunder god bore down on him. Tak slammed a foot into Yan’s abdomen, sending the minor god stumbling with a grunt.
>>He’d barely caught his balance when Tak swung Ki at him again. Yan parried, and Tak whirled around to give impetus to his next strike. Yan blocked again and was forced back, dodging and parrying as Tak continued to spin and rain blows on him.
>>After giving up several feet of ground, Yan suddenly dropped low and shot his leg out in a sweeping kick. Tak jumped up to avoid, and as he came down his sword flashed at Yan’s face. Yan caught Ki between Sen and diverted it. The blades slid across each other until their crossguards made contact, at which point Yan twisted and threw Tak to the ground.
>>Tak was still on his back when Yan thrusted both of Sen’s blades at him. The thunder god rolled to the side, the twin swords just missing him by a hair. The exchange of blows came to a short stop as both gods scrambled to their feet.

[Anonymous No.19618519]

>>19617761
I stopped reading early on. It's easy to see, but also very boring and overwritten

[Anonymous No.19618657]

>>19618272
Not him but pomo is for post-modern.

[Anonymous No.19619116]

>>19618348
Tragedy is so dead, isn't it.

There have only been a couple of worthwhile filmmakers, and your notes would apply to none of them. Also, what is classical screenwriting? Film has barely existed for 100 years. Do you mean Hollywood Golden Era? If so, please realise that even their best films are vapid and not worth your time trying to emulate.

Retard filmmakers are always trying to "reinvent the wheel," when the wheel has already been perfected. Don't even think about screenplays until you've read the Agamemnon

And get off my sock-darning image board

[Anonymous No.19619403]

>>19619116
Dude, chill the fuck out. I'm simply trying to help someone. With "classical screenwriting" I might as well mean STORIES AS OLD AS TIME ITSELF. Almost all myths, folklore and ancient text bear some resemblance to the aspects of the "Hero's Journey" which I laid out. So get of your high horse. It's only been like 100 years, maybe less that we've started to entangle the structures of classical storytelling. I suggest you read "A Hero of a Thousand Faces" by Joseph Campbell, he perfectly describes the commonality between mythologies told, separately from one another.
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