/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.19557636]

Hey /lit/! My name is critically acclaimed author Jonathan Franzen, and for the next hour you can join this thread and ask me anything. Yes, it’s really me. I only ask that you be patient since I am not used to solving the captchas. Also please refrain from asking me questions about my late protege David Wallace.

[Anonymous No.19557641]

>>19557636
What are you favorite books?

[Anonymous No.19557644]

19557636
No dubs no (you)

[Anonymous No.19557669]

>>19557641
Christina Stead’s The Man Who Loved Children or Jane Smiley’s The Greenlanders or my own novel The Corrections, for which I won the National Book Award in 2001.
JF

>>19557644
I see the trolls got an early start this morning...
JF

[Anonymous No.19557676]

What gave you the idea for The Fault in Our Stars?

[Anonymous No.19557681]

>>19557669
I can go all night, buddy.

[Anonymous No.19557688]

>>19557636
Did you start with the Greeks?

[Anonymous No.19557691]

>>19557636
What are your writing habits. What do you do to drive creativity?

[Anonymous No.19557692]

>>19557688
Checked

[Anonymous No.19557710]

19557636
What's with the shovel?

[Anonymous No.19557720]

Where do you get you're ideas from?

[Anonymous No.19557743]

>>19557676
“I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed” -Shakespeare
JF

>>19557681
Sheesh, this guy.
JF

>>19557688
I did not. The first book I fell in love with was the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. I recently read Emily Wilson’s translation of Homer’s Odyssey, however, and I very much regret not exposing myself to more of that literature.
JF

>>19557691
I give my phone, keys, and wallet to my beloved second wife Kathy and tell her not to let me out of my writing room until I have written something I am proud of. No matter how much I cry, beg, and scream, and no matter how badly I have to shit, she does not let me out until I have written something good.
JF

>>19557691
Not sure what you mean...
JF

[Anonymous No.19557759]

How difficult was it to get published?

[Anonymous No.19557761]

>>19557636
Why are you so pissed that I can /heem/ you?

[Anonymous No.19557770]

>>19557743
>I recently read Emily Wilson’s translation of Homer’s Odyssey
That's an awful translation.

[Anonymous No.19557778]

>>19557636
Do you like the smell of your own farts? How many times you fart during your writing session? Why you're so afraid of dying as just an other fag among billions of other with anuses that shit?

[Anonymous No.19557779]

The adaptation of your novel Paper Towns starred model Cara Delevigne in one of her first major parts. Where you apprehensive at all about such an inexperienced actor in that central role?

[Anonymous No.19557782]

>>19557636
Post timestamped pic of left nipple or you're a LARPer.

[Anonymous No.19557844]

Heh. I remember you. You sat in front of me in geography. You were such a sick little dweeb. You used to eat your own scabs and shit. Weren't your parents naturalists and wouldn't let you use soap? You smelled like a rotten pig. Figures you'd do something pathetic like become an author.
Remember that chick that sat in the row next to ours? You kept borrowing her pencils because I'd throw yours out the window haha. Did you know she was gonna ask you to the prom? I think she pitied you. Anyway, I fucked her instead. She was alright. Gotta admit I came a little extra hard knowing that she chose me over you.
Smell ya later, fag.

[Anonymous No.19557845]

>>19557759
Well, it was difficult, but I believed in what I was writing and I believed that my writing was good so that certainly inspired me to keep going. However, times have changed a lot since then. I do not admire those trying to get published now—the field and process has changed, and I’m not sure if entirely it’s for the better. I count myself lucky I got published when I did.
JF

>>19557761
You are a sad, feckless little cretin.
JF

>>19557770
Lattimore, buddy, is that you? Let it go.
JF

>>19557778
I imagine Joyce has a dedicated following on this website...
JF

>>19557779
Gosh you trolls are relentless. I am not John Greene, I am Jonathan Franzen.
JF

>>19557782
Sorry, Anonymous, but only my wife gets to see that.
JF

[Anonymous No.19557852]

>>19557845
>Lattimore, buddy, is that you? Let it go.
Let what go? The translation sucks, man, not sure what you mean.

[Anonymous No.19557855]

>>19557852
lol

[Anonymous No.19557858]

>>19557844
>>19557855
Witnessed

[Anonymous No.19557859]

>>19557845
Why haven't you read Moby-Dick, War & Peace, and Don Quixote? Is your lack of culture the reason why your novels are terrible?

[Anonymous No.19557867]

>>19557845
>Gosh you trolls are relentless. I am not John Greene, I am Jonathan Franzen.
JF

KEK ok here's your (you)

[Anonymous No.19557872]

>>19557859
Something tells me Franzen's writing would still be terrible even if he read those books and more.

[Anonymous No.19557873]

You are often classified as Young Adult. Do you think that's fair?

[Anonymous No.19557877]

>>19557636
>>19557641
>>19557669
>>19557676
>>19557691
>>19557743
>>19557845
>>19557873
Samefag

[Anonymous No.19557886]

>>19557844
I want to say I remember you, but creeps come and go. Victor? Chris? Tyler? I was bullied a lot growing up, so forgive me if I don’t remember (or miss) your fetid company. I moved on a long time ago. You should do the same.
JF

>>19557852
Say what you will. I enjoy and admire Wilson’s work, while you probably didn’t get past the cover. Maybe Pope is more your speed, you pretentious fop.
JF

>>19557855
Indeed, I am laughing.
JF

[Anonymous No.19557893]

>>19557877
Dubs don't lie

[Anonymous No.19557896]

>>19557877
>>19557893
samefag

[Anonymous No.19557897]

>>19557886
You have shit taste and even worse novels. These go hand in hand, Mr Fagzen.

[Anonymous No.19557917]

19557896
No dubs no (you)

[Anonymous No.19557966]

>>19557858
My assistant/nephew tells me that, as we proceed with this Q&A, I should only reply to posts that seem to be made in good faith. This is not such a post.
JF

>>19557859
This is a good (if insulting) question. Let me be clear, I gave Cervantes a chance when I was a younger, more idealistic man. O, how I squinted at and re-read many a page of Cervantes magnum
opus, searching for the genius that many had assured me was there! I found no such genius. I do not think we should read books because they are long and called “classics,” and it is vain gatekeepimg to scoff at those who don’t torture themselves with such nonsense. If you enjoy those kinds of books, then enjoy them. But don’t shame others for not envying that kind of self-masochism, and by god, man, don’t force the next generation of readers to endure those books because you were duped into thinking they were good.
JF

>>19557872
I won a National Book Award in 2001 for my novel The Corrections, and I see my reflection in the award as it sits upon my desk. My expression is unperturbed by your comment.
JF

>>19557873
To that I say: the times have changed—young adult fiction is as respectable as “serious” literature, and only fools fret over genre.
JF

>>19557877
Leave me alone.
JF

>>19557897
Ever hear the old song about sticks and stones, or is that not highbrow enough for you?
JF

[Anonymous No.19557972]

>>19557966
CHECKED, WITNESSED, BASK IN THE GLORY OF YOUR DUBS

well done, a (you) well earned

[Anonymous No.19557983]

>>19557966
>Ever hear the old song about sticks and stones
This is pure cope. DFW will forever stay as the superior writer of your generation. Seethe, cope, dilate and live under Dave's shadow.

[Anonymous No.19557993]

>>19557966
>>19557972
As a reward for your dubs, I shall forthwith refrain from making innocuous observations and proceed posthaste from your thread.

That being said, putting your 2001 award aside, which book that you have authored are you personally most proud of?

Captcha: HPVAX

[Anonymous No.19557994]

>>19557966
Thank you for reminding me why I will never read your shit :)

[Anonymous No.19558001]

Would you still write Turtles all the Way Down, with its autistic protagonist, in the modern climate which frowns on writing outside your own experience? Particularly given the inherent difference in privilege between a white neurotypical male and somebody on the autism spectrum?

[Anonymous No.19558003]

>>19557994
Watch your mouth faggot. You are talking to critically acclaimed author Jonathan Franzen. Show him some respect.

[Anonymous No.19558005]

>>19557966
>young adult fiction is as respectable as “serious” literature, and only fools fret over genre

Franzen would never say this. He is a very petty and pathetic man. He stays up late at night thinking of even really minor social slights.

[Anonymous No.19558006]

>>19558003
He writes American family soap operas and hasn't even read the classics. There is nothing to respect.

[Anonymous No.19558720]

>>19558006
John Dolan's takedown of his novel The Corrections is delicious.

[Anonymous No.19558772]

Franzen is one of those writers like Ian McEwan where you never meet anyone who actually likes them, but they somehow sell vast quantities. Maybe they are given as gifts or something?

[Anonymous No.19558801]

Figures, he finally gets dubs and then he leaves, probably shouldn't set up an ama if you're only gonna make 3 posts, what a "pretentious fop"

[Anonymous No.19558844]

>>19557972
Thank you, friend.
JF

>>19557983
Normally I don’t allow myself to be drawn into discussions about my late protege David Wallace, but I’ll bite. David was a sharp guy but he was not a real writer. His work is, by and large, a stunted imitation of my own, and when reading his fiction I am greeted only by the uncanny feeling that I am seeing my reflection in a funhouse mirror.
JF

>>19557993
My recent novel Crossroads marks an important development in my literary career. At least, that’s what I imagine critics will say when I am long gone...
JF

>>19557994
Leave me alone.
JF

>>19558001
While I wouldn’t take back a single word I wrote in Turtles, I do think the landscape has changed for the better and do not believe I would sit down to write such a novel were the inspiration to strike me today. It was a daring and youthful literary endeavor, though not one I would want to repeat.
JF

>>19558003
Thanks
JF

>>19558772
Yeah yeah, the people that gave me the 2001 National Book Award for my novel the Corrections totally didn’t read it, they just gave each other copies of it! Refrain from posting such drivel or I will get mad.
JF

[Anonymous No.19558865]

>>19558801
Sorry friend, I had to take a break and step away from my computer once the trolls started coming up from under their bridges... I’m back and just had a glass of wine, so I’m feeling good and ready to tackle whatever questions you might have. Oh, and it looks like my recent post got the dubs you all are so curiously intrigued by (>>19558844)
JF

[Anonymous No.19558952]

>>19558844
You're on a roll! The dubs never lie!
Welcome back, are there any motifs or trends in literature that you are especially fond of? Anything which seems to strike a chord and resonate through the manifold of your mind like an echo of some past dreams spoke under a full moon in the apex of a writing mania, something which acts like pure adrenaline, a static electric charge coursing through your soul?

[Anonymous No.19558961]

Post timestamped pic or it's bait

[Anonymous No.19559022]

I do not know who this guy is

[Anonymous No.19559028]

>>19559022
Checked, I don't doubt it, neither do I kek

[Anonymous No.19559046]

>>19558844
>totally didn’t read it,
Lrn2 read fgt. Didn't say nobody reads Franzen, only that one tends not to meet anyone who likes him. I've never been in a seminar or lit festival and met someone who thinks he's good. It's like Coldplay, you never meet anyone who actually likes them, but they sell by the million

[Anonymous No.19559055]

>>19559022
He wrote The Fault in Our Stars and a bunch of YA fag shit

[Anonymous No.19559063]

>>19558952
I suppose a motif that I frequently employ is breakfast, specifically the cooking of eggs. You can cook eggs in so many different ways, and it’s a great way to “show” and not “tell” when it comes to characterization. An angry character can crack eggs viciously in order to free the yoke, while a more villainous, patient character can make them in the hard boiled fashion and slowly, meticulously peel away the shell.
JF

>>19558961
I don’t know what that means.
JF

>>19559022
I don’t know who you are, either. Consider us even.
JF

>>19559028
Take a hike.
JF

[Anonymous No.19559081]

>>19558844
>Leave me alone.
I will. Nobody here wants to read your shit in all actuality.

[Anonymous No.19559082]

Hey John, big fan! My question to you is, have you ever had any gay thoughts before? I often struggle with my sexuality and I wan to know where you stand on the issue.

[Anonymous No.19559093]

>>19559046
Plenty of people read my work, many have said it changed their lives. I was on Charlie Rose. You’re a spiteful little man.
JF

>>19559055
You’re thinking of John Greene. I am Jonathan Franzen.
JF

>>19559081
Bye.
JF

[Anonymous No.19559102]

>>19559093
>I was on Charlie Rose
Never heard of him. Just because your mom said she liked your book doesn't mean anything

[Anonymous No.19559120]

Why would you do an AMA on 4chan of all places?
Do you have proof that you're actually critically acclaimed author Jonathan Franzen?
If you're comfortable posting a picture of your face why not post another of you holding a slip of paper with today's date or something?
Have a nice day, whoever you are.

[Anonymous No.19559121]

>>19559063
It's not possible to confirm you are who you claim you are without your picture holding a paper with current time/greeting /lit/ so that might be a reason not a lot of people are engaging.

[Anonymous No.19559129]

>>19559082
I don’t mind same-sex attraction, but I don’t understand it, either. I mean, my wife Kathy is my world. I couldn’t imagine loving a man or young boy the same way, even if they were very, very, attractive.
JF

[Anonymous No.19559147]

>>19559055
Repeating digits never lie John Franzen confirmed John Greene

>>19559063
But I'm wanna participate!

[Anonymous No.19559150]

In the movie The Dark Knight Rises, there is the following exchange, which many movie lovers have found ambiguous
CIA
>If I pull that off would you die?
Bane
>It would be extremely painful
CIA
>You're a big guy
Bane
>For you

As a professional writer, how do you interpret this exchange? Does Bane mean he is a big guy for CIA, or that taking the mask off would be extremely painful for CIA?
How would you have written this differently?

[Anonymous No.19559269]

>>19559102
I just finished my second glass of wine, and reading over your comment, there’s a “your mom...” joke of my own that I could reply with, but sadly you don’t deserve my wily, tipsy rapport. Be gone.
JF

>>19559120
You enjoy your day as well, my friend.
JF

>>19559121
It’s really me.
JF

>>19559147
Behave, and ask a darn question! This generation, I swear...
JF

>>19559150
This is tricky. I think part of what makes literature great is the ambiguity that runs through exchanges such as these, i.e., both interpretations are valid, and choosing between them kind of undercuts the magic of it all. However, that’s a boring answer, so I’ll play along. My initial impression is that Bane is saying he’s large in comparison to the federal agent. It’s a way of asserting dominance. I wouldn’t change a word of it besides getting rid of the “extremely.” Adverbs are dreadful, especially in dialogue. We use them a lot less in everyday speech than we think!
JF

[Anonymous No.19559278]

>>19557710
This is the only worthwhile question

[Anonymous No.19559280]

Is critically acclaimed author Jonathan Franzen vaccinated?

[Anonymous No.19559286]

>>19559269
Dubs man here, you may not have recognized me, but here I was:

>>19558952
>>19558801
>>19557993
>>19557972
>>19557759

[Anonymous No.19559298]

I'M GOING TOFUMKING RAPE YOY!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous No.19559304]

Dave > (You)

[Anonymous No.19559315]

Jonathan, friend! My ex wife was a big fan of yours- me not so much- I think your prose can be a bit stale (sorry!). It would mean the world to me if you could stop selling your books to my ex wife. I can assure you she is a horrible woman. Many thanks!

[Anonymous No.19559318]

You ever fuck Zadie Smith? I met Will Self at a party once and he said she was known as the blowjob queen of Hampstead. You have that sleazy middle aged american look, stash of porno in the car the wife doesn't use etc, so fess up bitch

[Anonymous No.19559338]

>>19559278
I still can't believe he hasn't answered it

[Anonymous No.19559349]

>>19559338
To be fair it could be a fork or a hoe.
Showing what it is, on the desk behind him, could be a proof he's not a larper

[Anonymous No.19559351]

>>19557636
I have a question, do you think this reads like an amusing satire or some sort? Reads like the type of HR/Undergrad 'humorous,' 'erudite' writing I see online and only online and only written by Asian 19-year-old females who wrongly consider themselves 'cynical' and 'funny.'

And now a comment: I have some compassion for you nonetheless. Being that you're a medium talent--you, not Franzen--I can see how you go in for this easy facile audience rather than putting any effort into your futile (a futility of which you're very aware in the small hours when you wake up clutching the pillow, staring into the void of your future) aspirations as a writer. Anyway, keep up the good work your double gripping this thread with all those cleverly unclever replies.

[Anonymous No.19559422]

>>19557636
hey man, do you like Jurgen?

[Anonymous No.19559431]

>>19559422
Checked

[Anonymous No.19559447]

>>19559351
Seething.
JF

[Anonymous No.19559564]

>>19557636
pretty funny, desu

[Anonymous No.19559603]

>>19559351
this thread is gold, but i bet you actually thought
>cleverly unclever
was good.

[Anonymous No.19560051]

>>19557743
>no matter how badly I have to shit
I don't care, I'm just going to believe all of this is real.

[Anonymous No.19560213]

>it's really me
>JF

[Anonymous No.19561561]

>>19557636
Literally who?

[Anonymous No.19562275]

>>19557636
The only reason I know you exist is because I was conducting research about orphans from the Iraq-Iran war in the 1980s and your war orphan joke came up in a google search. Meanwhile there is little actual info available on the topic in English. Did the backlash from that incident give you pause or was outrage bait always your intention?

[Anonymous No.19563216]

>>19559351
this is the sweatiest post ive ever read on /lit/

[Anonymous No.19563220]

>>19557636
I have never read a single word you wrote but you look like the most boring fuck on planet Earth, assuming pic related is your face.