A.I. Story

[Writer V No.1948204]

I'd like some honest feed back on this if any of you would be so kind. I only come here because of the lively and active community. I'd post the story here, well the WIP story, but it's too long to post

http://pineappleinahaystack.blogspot.com/2011/07/novella.html

[Pointman !!+QAUf+RigRX No.1948239]

The story, as of now, is really vague and way too introspective to really be doing anything for me. I'm reading it, trying to make it all flow, but there is just so many stand alone complexes to the narrator that it's just complicated to read.

You raise poignant thoughts regarding the taking in of information, or the questioning of emotion (narrator began in nothingness, but he is unsure if it is really nothingness or he's just trying to explain it), but it's unnecessarily wordy at times which takes away from the rhetoric in the statements. And unfortunately does little to push the story on.

I'd suggest defining the area or the situation a bit clearer for the reader between the smack-downs of "telling"/pondering.

I write kind of similar to you so I feel you.

[Writer V No.1948258]

thanks. i'll take that into account. Being verbose is one of my weak/strong points though, so it's hard for me to write plainly.

[Bonechewer No.1948267]

>>1948204
Here's some honest feedback.