another attempt at writing a poem

[Anonymous No.1933877]

Waking up to the sounds of silence
I feel so alone is the a way to fight this
Following the same routine
Ensuring that i eat and clean
Can this really be all their is for me

I feel trapped in a maze
Should i keep trying to solve it
Or sellout like the rest of society
Spazzing about the tiniest things
Never mind just the thought of it makes me cringe
I'm going to lay down now and hear my room sing

[Anonymous No.1933879]

It's okay, but it didn't really evoke any powerful images or messages for me.

Also you need to punctuate it.

'Their' should be 'there'.

And I don't like the word 'spazzing', but maybe that's just me.

[hamfist !!DgKoaNKQwS9 No.1933884]

>sellout like the rest of society
Jesus fucking Christ

[Anonymous No.1933896]

yeah i need to work on my grammar, adjectives help with creating images? also thanks for the feedback

[Anonymous No.1933901]

how many years old are you

[Anonymous No.1933912]

20

[Anonymous No.1933935]

It is really terrible and doesn't qualify as poetry.

Keep working.

[thewholesystemisawholesystem !19/MTb7X0g No.1933955]

you don't read much poetry, do you?

go buy The Wasteland or something.

[Anonymous No.1933965]

I'll download the wasteland, I don't really read poetry just random online poems

[Anonymous No.1933967]

I don't mean to be insulting but are you familiar with iambic pentameter, trochees and other such poetical devices, If not, then learn what they are and how to use them before attempting to write poetry.

Most great modern poets who seem to write without form and rhythm actually have learned the rules and understand how to break them. Poetry has rules and structure just as music does.

[Anonymous No.1933976]

Nope i have no clue what those are, I will look into them thanks for pointing it out.

[Anonymous No.1933979]

>>1933967
Thanks for posting this, I must second this opinion.

When children decide that rules aren't meant for them and their talent is so great that it transcends everything before it, nothing could be further from the truth.

Poetry is hard when done correctly and terribly easy when done horribly.

[Anonymous No.1933997]

hi, not op. heres something I wrote that I just feel like posting. incomplete just something i jotted down one night. gonna post exactly what is written

untitled

dissuasion
mental israeli occupation
no assistance cause dissonance
reality is split
transhemispheric
means divided
so who're you gonna side with?
sight or sound's got your side split

it's in your ear
fame fortune
   or what is dear

the relativity of the enemy
    is tempting

already lost in thought

difference between soundin' good and
reverence
   that means respect

the man is counting on our weakness
cheap sex diseased flesh
<strike>I suggest</strike>

    <strike>a really much needed reset</strike>

scared to speak
scared to speak up
scared of the dark
and the vision of never to wake up

don't wanna be
a nice dream
this is slightly frightening
wake up shaking between peals of lightning

<note gonna skip some stuff here cause it sounds so rediculous. gonna include the next line though cause I think it sounds cool>

police sirens are hi-tek
made to control your mindset
the spynet controlled by skynet

<!---end>
needs polishing