What does /lit/ think of my poem?

[Anonymous No.19159815]

Oh, Rosechu, you are as beautiful as a rose,
though a Zapbud is the flower that heals your woes.

You shock me with your electrifying radiance,
If I evolve into your knight, I will protect you with my lance.

Speed makes no difference, though you are slower than I,
You dance in a field with such grace and style. Sigh…

I will run great distances for thee,
for I can run very fast and never get a strained knee.

Rosey, as often as birds tweet,
will you be my lovely heartsweet?

[Anonymous No.19159861]

very good but i hate poems that rhyme

[Anonymous No.19159874]

>>19159861
I don't get the hate for rhymes...

what about this one?

Here you see, a sad and lonesome Christian C.
Without girlfriend love he feels an older age,
as he is still “Stuck as a virgin with rage.”
He search low and high to the end,
the only delay is the fear of being already beaten by a BOYFRIEND.
Why do all the girls have to be already taken… a real shame,
boyfriends of all girls of possible matches for me are really LAME.
As I sit and sigh,
I watch the girls go by.
Afraid of a lame intersecption,
I sit out in the open without hesitation.
Matching Girl descriptions are free,
I wish one girl would notice and approach me.
It would be way past cool, per-say, [sic]
if I could get a girlfriend by Valentine’s Day.
But for now as you see,
I am a sad and lonesome “C.”

[Anonymous No.19159933]

>>19159874
this is good too
you write really good

what do you think of my poem

[Anonymous No.19159935]

>>19159815
Not bad, though I don't necessarily understand your structural choices. I'd encourage you to go over it a few more times, I believe your could optimize these lines so that they flow more smoothly.

[Anonymous No.19159979]

>>19159933
Wow this is really good. It implies that it has been written from beyond the grave...or is it a metaphorical death? Nevertheless, very good.
>>19159935
Anything in specific?

[Anonymous No.19160045]

>>19159815
Fuck you nig

[Anonymous No.19160141]

>>19159874
this poem sucks ass and you should kill yourself

[Anonymous No.19160146]

>>19159933
this poem is dogshit. you should kill yourself for sure

[Anonymous No.19160154]

>>19160146
post your poem faggot

[Anonymous No.19160174]

>>19160154
Fuck poetry nigger. I hope you die. That's my poem loser

[Anonymous No.19160672]

>>19160045
>>19160141
>>19160146
>>19160154
>>19160174
Rage consumes your hearts
And you fill my thread with farts.

Begone foul monsters of the depths,
May your penises be chopped with nets.

You mother weeps tears of blood
as drinks drinks my cum in flood

[Anonymous No.19160796]

Now write one about the love between Barb-chu and Chris