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/lit/ - Literature

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18941036 No.18941036 [Reply] [Original]

Any literature that explores the topic of self-transformation in a deep, yet practical manner?

I'm interested in changing myself, my personality, my habitual ways of perceiving the world, relating to others and so on. But all I can find is milquetoast self-help books and psychotherapy that never works as advertised. I suffer from social anxiety ever since I was a kid and I've developed into a rather stunted adult as a result of my social avoidance (my only real coping mechanism).

What would you suggest to someone that has never felt comfortable around another person in his life?

>> No.18941108
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18941108

literally go outside man

no book will help you more than experience in the actual real world in real life

start by sitting in a restaurant or something and recognizing/internalizing patterns in the way people communicate so you can apply them

>> No.18941138

>>18941108
It's not like I've never been outside or sat in a restaurant or interacted with people. If I were to change by random chance like this, it would've happened right now, but no matter how much I push myself to be around others, my experience of them doesn't change.

A book isn't going to cure me, but it could offer insight beyond "just go outside bro".

>> No.18941164

what exactly do you want to change. is there some specific thing that is hindering an important function in your daily life. what is the actual problem(s) to be addressed, "I want to improve" doesn't really mean anything

>> No.18941211

>>18941036
The Anatomy of Melancholy by Richard Burton. It'll at least help you feel not alone in your predicament.

>> No.18941291
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18941291

>>18941164
you state that you are "interested in changing myself, my personality, my habitual ways of perceiving the world, relating to others and so on." my question is what is the underlying issue that makes this something which needs to be changed in the first place or if this is even an important issue? are you unable to hold a job? are there certain important pursuits that you cannot pursue or are hindered in pursuing because of any of these things? or is this about being able to go to a club and get laid? even if you read some great motivational book that can change everything and fix everything it means nothing if you don't do anything in real life. what's a good book to get a job, well you can start by applying, i know that will help.

>> No.18941319

>>18941036
Whitman, Emerson, Thoreau, real life experience above all, just do what you think you ought to

>> No.18941350

>>18941291
Do you know what social anxiety is? I'm not looking for advice on some external, practical problem otherwise I would have asked "How do I convince an employer to hire me?" My problem is mental, internal, relating to the psyche, the inner structure and workings of thereof. I want to change because experiencing anxiety on a continual basis is unpleasant, stressful and complicates every social interaction and dealings with the world. By self-transformation, I am not merely asking how to change my fashion style or anything shallow like that.

>> No.18941357

"Invisible Man" by Ralph Ellison.

>> No.18941467

>>18941350
i had the same thing i could not even speak to anyone i solved it by going outside and noticing how people talk to each other and then applying that. also stop masturbating. if you can't do this i dont know what to say other than some people are just genetic garbage who will not or cannot do what is best for them because of their environment and/or because of their genetic makeup and who are meant to have panic attacks everytime they go outside/be drug addicts/schizophrenics just like some people were meant to be born with down syndrome or with a cleft palate as a result of the retardation of their parents and/or nature allowing that to happen.

>> No.18941718

I haven’t read it but that David Goggins book seems like it’s basically about this. The truth is that you probably can’t totally transform but you can shift. You can’t turn a clay sculpture to stone but you can change the shape of the clay, even if it will always be clay.

>> No.18941981
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18941981

>I'm interested in changing myself, my personality, my habitual ways of perceiving the world, relating to others and so on.

No you're not. You're interested in changing your avoidant social behavior. Fortunately there is an entire science devoted to the study and modification of human behavior.

Read pic related. Read BF Skinner.

What function does your avoidant behavior serve? Is there a way you can make it stop serving that function? Can you reinforce an alternative behavior? Can you reinforce social behavior that you've avoided in the past? What do you find reinforcing? Learn the principles of ABA and set up a Google Doc to record data on social interactions.

It's much easier to make incremental, measurable changes to behaviors you're unhappy with than to spend your time with solipsistic ruminating about trying to "change your personality". Your "self", your "personality", your "ways of perceiving the world" etc are all conceptual, unobservable, and unquantifiable. Behavior is not.

>> No.18942062

>>18941036
existentialist philosophy is all basically what you’re asking for but it’s not going to help you. meds might tho

>> No.18942063

>>18941350
Bro anxiety like you seem to be having is irrational. You cant argue your way out of something irrational. Nothing you read is going to be able to fix an irrational fear. Exposure therapy is the only way.

>> No.18942185

>>18941036
>my only real coping mechanism
why do you call it coping mechanism?. what are you coping with that.

>> No.18943145

>>18941981
I've already tried the behaviorist approach as well as dozens of other psychotherapeutic modalities. The function of my avoidant behavior is obviously reducing the punishing stimuli of anxiety that triggers automatically whenever I am around people. There is no clear way for me to "unlearn" that association or conditioning. Exposing myself to it simply numbs me and gets me used to it, but this results in conditioning myself to decrease self-awareness of the problem, rather than actually fix it. This is good enough to function in real life, but my quality of experience isn't getting any better, nor are my armpits getting any less sweaty.

>>18942063
It's obviously maladaptive, but there has to be some kind of rules to this thing. Exposure therapy is a very brute-force technique that conditions you to decrease self-awareness of the problem. After continual exposure, anxiety decreases, but it never goes away.

>>18942185
Coping with anxiety. No people = no anxiety. My quality of life unironically improved after Corona and I started working from home. Not having to commute or be around people just removed a giant chunk of stress from my life. Nothing works at decreasing my anxiety as much as avoidance of other people, but this is unsustainable for obvious reasons.

>> No.18943150

Courage to be Disliked
Mansons’s Models