Why are you so fixated on trannies? Nobody here is a transvestite. You're the one who did gay porn for years, not us. And most of the criticism in this thread is actually good advice. I personally thought your writing was amateurish but probably would have bought a copy just to support you until I saw this shitshow of a thread.
But lets take a direct example from your book. Second page, because I don't have time to wade through that much crap.
>Suzanne had walked up with a tray of coffees and put one down for Ken.
>"Aw, thanks, that's so kind," Ken remarked with a big smile and taking a couple of creams and one sugar.
>"You wouldn't believe what I had to do to get these, okay- first- the interact machine was down, so I had to take out cash, which- naturally- there was a lineup. This is after I had to step over a guy passed out on the sidewalk. Then, when I was in the lineup, there was a save-the-old-growth march that went by- everyone yelling, waving signs- the baristas stopped for ten minutes to watch. Okay, so- I order the coffees, pay, leave- it's been like thirty minutes for my break. I walk outside, and there's this lineup of shiny pickup trucks and guys leaning out windows, horns honking- I turn my back for a second and a huge train horn gets blown and- I drop my frap!"
>"Coffee down!" Ken says, taking a sip of the rich and perfectly hipster coffee. Even the cardboard ring around the hot cup had an exquisite texture, like a well-worn rug.
>"-so then, I wait in line and get my frap- I finally get out of there and get back to my desk- no caramel."
>"No caramel?" Ken raises his eyebrow and smiles.
>"Stop messing with me, Ken, you know it's Friday, it's my routine- I need it to work in this shithole- I can't believe I still have to come in at all!"
Its like you went and wrote down an actual conversation you had with your girlfriend. Great literature isn't supposed to capture reality in all its monotonous details, it presents a story. Ken raising an eyebrow flirtatiously at Suzanne means absolutely jack shit to the reader because we don't know who Ken is, we don't know who Suzanne is, and most importantly of all we don't give a flying fuck about either of them. Does this dialogue tell us anything about these characters? No, its just a rambling paragraph about how Suzanne dropped her coffee because a horn honked. Like you're a teenage girl rambling about her day. Does this dialogue advance the story then? Unless "perfectly hipster coffee" is a set up for a major plot point I doubt it. So why did you include this at all? Ken saying "Coffee down!" isn't endearing, it isn't thought provoking, it doesn't move anyone emotionally. It seems like you just wrote down a conversation you had with your girlfriend and for some reason assume we care.
And the whole book is like this. Long, rambling, amateurish back and forths between characters we don't care about. You're writing a book, not a diary, so try to justify the content.