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/lit/ - Literature

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18434855 No.18434855 [Reply] [Original]

>order In Search of Lost Time on Amazon
>Get shipped a time machine
>go back to see myself in the first grade
>realize i was molested by my school's janitor

>> No.18434864

>>18434855
yeah but the way you were dressed anon, you cant blame me.

>> No.18435446

>>18434855
You should really read the product description more carefully before you hit add to basket, Anon. Hope you feel better soon.

>> No.18435721
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18435721

>>18434855
>order The Antichrist on Amazon
>turn on tesla coils when the shipment arrives

>> No.18435943

>>18434855
>steal crime and punishment from book store
>the cashier stops me
>he calls the police and I get a record

>> No.18435999

>ask for LOTR for Christmas
>tear open my presents
>Sonic the Hedgehog graphic novel

>> No.18437139

>>18435943
Hey I also stole Crime and Punishment for the bookstore
Felt awful for the next 24 hours and I got blacklisted from the store but I kept the book

>> No.18437154

>Tell my Dad I want The Sound and The Fury for my birthday
>He bursts into my room drunk, in a stained wifebeater, and beats the shit out of me while screaming about how I am a trailer trash faggot

>> No.18437166

>>18434855
>>18435943
>>18437139
>be 10 years old
>be reading Garfield in mall bookstore
>be drinking Coke or some shit
>being a 10 year old, I'm clumsy, and spill pop all over the inside of the unpurchased book in my lap (I remember I was sitting on the floor)
>I panickedly look around, nobody around, hastily put book back in shelf
>immediately leave and do not return for several years

>> No.18437180

>>18434855
For some reason I feel like I was molested as a kid but I have zero memories pertaining to it. Its just a gut feeling idk

>> No.18437195

>>18437180
I felt the same, then I found out my mother diddled me. Typicaly its a feeling you get for a reason

>> No.18437206

>Be me, whiny edgy teenager
>Think a lot about where ducks go
>Fuck my little sister

>> No.18437221

>order the Divine comedy
>get a portal to hell
>find Satan, just straight lampin
>see my future self being externally chewed upon by the many sphincters of his infernal arsehole
Really don't know what to make of this desu

>> No.18437236

>>18437221
>He didnt immediately flag down an Italian or, barring that, a Southern man named Virgil
Did you even read the book?

>> No.18437289
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18437289

>>18437195

>> No.18437344

>>18437289
Itll be ok, Anon. If you have ever had a profound inability tn connect to others AND autism, now you know

>> No.18437349
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18437349

>>18437344
>profound inability tn connect to others AND autism

>> No.18437361

>>18437349
Me too, Anon. Me too
It gets better, but only if you make it

>> No.18437386
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18437386

>>18434855
>orders The Trouble with Being Born
>get shipped a handgun, one bullet, a pen and paper
Bros...

>> No.18437466
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18437466

>>18434855
>order The Critique of Pure Reason
>the delivery man asks me where my friend is

>> No.18437479
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18437479

>order The Trial
>two men arrive at my home and tell me I'm arrested

>> No.18437480

>>18435721
based antichrist hater

>> No.18437496
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18437496

>order The Decline of the West

>> No.18437500

>>18437496
>Borrow mutual aid
>Watch amazon destroy libraries.

>> No.18437523

>>18434855
>order waiting for godot
>parcel never arrives

>> No.18437532

>order The Odyssey
>it arrives 10 years later

>> No.18437566
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18437566

>>18434855
>order The Death of Ivan Ilich
>get arrested for contract killing

>> No.18437576

>>18434855
>order Swann in Love
>get shipped a swan that won't leave me alone now

>> No.18437596

When I was 13 years old I was arrested for having cigarette rolling papers. At the detention center I had to strip completely naked and squat all the way down in front of this fat guy. I only learned later that they don't even make adults do that in prison. Does that count as molestation?

>> No.18437599

>>18437596
he was checking if you were hiding drugs in your anus, like faggots do. probably the way you looked idk

>> No.18437686

>>18434855
>order the invisible man
>lose myself

>> No.18438146
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18438146

>>18434855
>order lolita
>cia niggers glow

>> No.18438226
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18438226

>>18438146
Just finished it today. Nabokov was definitely a worry.

>> No.18438233

>>18437596
It's called the cough and squat, and they do in prison intakes, for the reasons >>18437599 said.

>> No.18438299
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18438299

>>18434855
>order America
>not enough room in my apartment

>> No.18438300

>>18438233
I've been to prison and I never had to do that. There's no way a 13 year old should have to do that. Especially when the child is in a small room alone with an adult and there's no reason to think there's anything up there.

>> No.18438305

>>18438300
>Especially when the child is in a small room alone with an adult and there's no reason to think there's anything up there.

Yeah, usually there's supposed to be two heavily safeguarding trained adults.

>> No.18438798

>order Anna Karenina
>start mowing my lawn

>> No.18439195

>Order Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire
>Receive a thank you card from Vercingetorix

>> No.18439417

>>18434864
fpbp

>> No.18439582

>>18434855
>order a pre-owned copy of Finnegans Wake
>previous owner glued back and front cover together
there's no end to it

>> No.18439639

>order Inherent vice
>get arrested for possession
Fuck

>> No.18440337

>order storm of steel
>get drafted

>> No.18440386

>>18437532
Kek

>> No.18440453

>Order Das Capital
>have no time to read it cause I am working all the time to pay my rent and for food and shoes for my kids
>don't have enough money so I have to work overtime but don't get paid for it cause I am classified as management and an independent contractor even thought they take out taxes and fisa.
>have to run up credit cards I can't pay so interest rate goes up and I am sued, but can't pay the court fees
>get sent to debtors prison and finally have time to read but they have me on a chain gang working for $.02 and hour while the warden and the state are contracting me out at $50.00 per hour.
>while I sweat, I wonder what Das Capital is about....

>> No.18440567
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18440567

>>18434855
>Order Notes From the Underground
>It's covered in dirt and dog shit, with many pages being illegible