If you see this thread you MUST post an original work of literature before you leave.

[Anonymous No.18348255]

Here is my work of short literature.

The doors of the courtroom slowly opened, as if someone weak struggled to move the heavy mahogany slabs.
"Do you people not care about the draft in here? Someone could come down with an illness or pneumonia or even worse, then you'd have a lawsuit on your hands for liability." I heard, as I sat at the defense's table of the courtroom.
"The prosecution probably just shit their pants" I thought. That was Seth Smoitzenhour-Davidbergsteinowitzkowski, the best damn attorney in this city that money could buy.

Seth looked over at the state of New York's sordid array of attorneys and legal-aids.
"Well kid, looks like this one might not be as easy of a win as we thought" he chortled nasily.
"Its Ezra Abrahamsonmann, the new hot shot attorney for the state, and hes out to prove himself on this case. Its murder after all."

I looked up at him from my chair. Today was the day I had to pull out all the stops. There can be no aces left up my sleeves, and oh baby do I have a trump card I had been saving for this very money.
"Seth, I'll make it very worth your while". I grabbed the small booklet from my jacket breast pocket and laid it on the table.

"Is that...."
"It is. A coupon book that will get you 50% off any restaurant in little Italy. Only people in good with my family even know about it".
"My friend. Today you will walk free. I'm sure about that."

[Anonymous No.18348500]

A man wanted a wife
A girl that would give him life
But all attempts failed
For this man was as shiny as a pail
No, I dont mean he beemed,
He was as bald as could be seen
Nonetheless he tried everyday
Too woo his comparison to may.
One day he said with his wife to be
Please oh please wont you marry me
Retorted the maid, this is my house, now leave
The man replied, oh why? Is it my skin?
I promise the outside is opposite than within
My love knows no bounds
I have not one lock
But I have the key
To your heart, your burning core
Open up I implore
The maid said she, you have more chance
Of growing hair than growing my love.
His face swamped red, and
Quicker than a jew grabs money
This man pulled down his undies
Now bitch, here's hair as black as your heart
My love was as sweet as tart
But you have torn it apart.
Now its time milady
I will rape thee.
But the scene interuppted
This love not courted
When the door opened up
And her father stepped in
Curious to know the yelling he heard within.
"Good god why is this man nude
Don't you daughter think it crude?"
Now its time to teach you lesson
,against this house you have committed transgression
Two men humiliated, have you no discretion?
My sentence, double penetration.

[Anonymous No.18348545]

Byaoun ba down down bee bah duh dah bum bum bum, buh dee duh dah dah di dah dee dah di, nuh nah nuh nuh

I transcribed that from melody earlier. You're welcome.

[Anonymous No.18350176]

>>18348255
The thread jolted me suddenly from my nightly ritual of demented mind-numbing scrooling. Standing up and yawning, I noticed rays of sunlight trickling into my dismal room from the edges of my blackout curtains. Feeling more like a mouse than a man, I peeked out at the street 5 stories below. The industrious early riders of the world were out and about, freshly rested from a long night's sleep and motivated by god knows what. After a few minutes of joggers and dog walkers passing by I was about to turn away when the door of an apartment across the street slowly opened. A hunched over but still somewhat dignified elderly man hobbled over to the old beach chair on his porch and carefully sat down. His daily routine of relaxing there for hours and chainsmoking while gazing out at the neighborhood had begun. Almost completely lacking in human connection, I immediately felt myself identify with him as passive observers of the world. It was utterly pathetic of me. This man had probably lived a productive and normal life until his aging body and mind finally took a well-deserved break. I had no such excuses. Consumed with entirely deserved self-hatred, I flung myself back into my desk chair and hastily typed out my disjointed thoughts, telling myself that I would sleep soon and wake up a better man in the evening.

[Anonymous No.18350424]

>>18348255

Today is the day I am tempted to divorce myself from all that I have known. The totality of pine-straw floors, towering oaks, and that chirp-chirp-chirp issued out like clockwork by the wren, or the finch, is a fantastic display, eternally pervaded with comforts. From this setting, one can not dare separate the wholesome individuals who comprise it: Mother, Grandmother, Father, Simion, my accomplice, and Sasha. I am forever drawn to the delicacies reaped by Mother’s foraging. She heads out every other day and captures the sublime in the form of fruits, nuts, seeds, and toadstools or, perhaps, on a good day, pearly bluebird eggs. From here it would be nothing short of a shame if I failed to give an honorary nod to the way in which Grandmother conjures fine meals from such raw materials. As she has aged, her craft has matured like the ferment of a fallen pear, and it continues to do so. Though she produces her classic combinations, which I adore, she tends also to experiment with her culinary pursuits and somehow consistently comes away unscathed with a mouth-watering surprise. The aggregate of the previously mentioned duties all come together under the strong, loving jurisdiction of Father. We are truly blessed to have a patriarch who maintains such a graceful balance between control and warmth, direction and affection. Many fathers are just not like that. In fact, that is why Simion stays with us so frequently. His father seems to be the exact caricature of some mythological villain who views the world through spectacles of apathy. I fight shy of going into the details of Simion’s secondary home life in pursuit of a more agreeable aspect of his life, one of which I would consider we cherish mutually.

[Anonymous No.18350553]

I'm lying in a hotel bed right now, hungover after a night spent with my extended family, whom I hadn't seen in many years. I feel like shit. The people I'm rooming with are just lying there, fast asleep, NOT hungover, probably dreaming happily. They're younger than me, yet they're better at life and more responsible. Sometimes I wonder if they're aware of this fact, if they laugh to themselves...

i made this up lol