Tl;dr what would you do if you got deconstructed

[Anonymous No.18326320]

>you walk down a dark alley, with gloomy lights shining all around you
>To your right there's a girl, dressed in a boyish sweater and jeans
>You're a bit drunk, enough to make you uncapable of driving
>She helps you along the border of the fanciest place in your city, to the place that isn't as beautifully decorated
>Yet still, in the in-between there's a bizarre beauty, comprised of both the clean and dirty.
>The both of you talk about your lives, about their pourpouse.
>For a while, the questions hurt and answers hurt, both of you implying insults at each other
>Yet as the conversation evolves, you begin to talk about more petty stuff, getting to know each other
>The two of you finally arrive at your home, and right before you enter, she sits on the sidewalk.
>You sit along with her
>A few seconds pass
>She breaks the silence;

>So, anon,

>why do you think everyone hates you?
>I mean, honestly. Why do you just assume everyone you've never met will eventually betray you and do something to you?
>You've told me many times that you wanted to have sex, yet you've constantly apologized for it. And you know? I tought to myself many times, maybe i should just leave this creep be drunk all he wants
>But as we've been talking, it seems you're an akward asshole because either you or someone else has convinced you that you're one.
>But honestly from up close all those times you said stuff to disgust me, they seem all just attempts to hide something
>So, what is it?
>What's that that makes you so afraid of being close to someone?

[Anonymous No.18326388]

>>18326320
My scat fetish

[Anonymous No.18326511]

>>18326388
You're saying things that you THINK are disgusting because you don't want anyone to penetrate into your actual worldview, and so far it seems it has worked. Most people just don't care enough to talk with a scat fetishist, but i do. I am extremely interested in seeing what you consider is degenerate, and seeing the internal understanding of everything. I will do my best to comprehend it so you learn not to be afraid of others and eventually find someone who agrees with you

[Anonymous No.18326522]

>>18326320
>>What's that that makes you so afraid of being close to someone?
That I'll get hurt and not being able to recover.

[Anonymous No.18326533]

>>18326388
But if the reply is just your scat fetishism, then don't worry. You don't need for everyone you know to participate in your sexual rituals. Even the most pure of persons when looked deeply into has things they're ashamed of. But I'm sure you can convince someone to love you enough to not run away when you ask them to shit on your mouth. Humans are humans, and nobody, not even psychopaths, is capable of denying a request from someone they truly love

[Anonymous No.18326543]

I'm terrified of putting myself out there at all. After years of abuse at home and humiliation at school, I've concluded it's not worth the risk. If I act cold/aloof, no one will no how horribly anxious I am inside and how fragile my ego is. If I don't form connections, I won't be miserable when they're severed. I think some people are destined to be alone.

[Anonymous No.18326583]

>>18326522
Yet still, you've already opened yourself. You can poke and prod as much as you like, but eventually someone will catch you, and if they really just hate you then regardless of how many precautions you take, they'll hurt you nonetheless. Most people however, don't retaliate, and eventually you'll stop being the victim and satisfy yourself with what you are. Not even if you actively harm someone are you assured of getting harmed back. You can convince everyone that you're worthless, including yourself, but still you will have to exist, and still you will have to endure. Death isn't an option, even graves can be dug up and disgraced. So feel that you're right regardless if you're wrong, because you're the only one that can change your mind. There will be pain, you will be hurt, and sometimes the scars won't heal. But you will continue to exist, wether as a distant memory or a living being

[Anonymous No.18326608]

>>18326320
>What's that that makes you so afraid of being close to someone?
i'm not afraid of being close to someone, i'm afraid of rejection because of poor social conditioning. it all stems from being raised in a household of parents who fought over my dental bills and petty shit all the time. didn't really get to make friends as a kid because i didn't enjoy being around "toxic masculinity" in the playground. all in all my childhood was a series of negative social exchanges where I always felt like the butt of the joke. perceived bullying in childhood leaves you poorly prepared for social interaction in adulthood, but I'm trying to learn and do better.

[Anonymous No.18326643]

>>18326543
Everyone's an asshole, including you and me. We all deliberately hurt and ignore, we place value on things that are worthless, and give things that are valuable no care. Everyone will hurt everyone, and there's no limit to the pain we can provoke on others. But that's just the wonders of being alive. You move, you change, you do. Pain is just another way of provoking change. So trying to prevent change, to deny emotion, is futile. Everyone from the saint to the pedophile has a reason to do what they do, and nobody does anything "out of their heart". So even if you isolate yourself and hide from the harm, you're still being molded by it and acting based on memories

[Anonymous No.18326660]

>>18326608
Then go ahead and learn. Just remember that if you apologize for every mistake you make, people will begin to actually believe you and tell you that you're wrong, regardless if you are or not

[Anonymous No.18326945]

>>18326533
>>18326511
You guys got baited lol, i just wanted to bump the thread. Guess it worked