/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.18146793]

I accidently wrote a captain friendzone in my epic fantasy, looking for tips to make him more likable, yes I do hope people make fun of him a bit, but actually show he's a good guy, just a bit weird with his obsession over our female lead

Won't go into too much plot detail, not asking about that, The Princess is the only true-born daughter of the king, her mother died in childbirth and the story is about the king telling all his bastards to make a case for why they should be the heir. She picks one of the bastards and supports him.

Captain Friendzone, Gerald Cavalier, is a rich noble who forms his own mercenary company, funded completely by him, to ride around the country and right wrongs all in the name of justice and the True Born Queen of the country. They even adopt her personal symbol of the white swan as their battle flag (LOL he's literally a White Knight)

His only intention is to Marry the Princess, he's been in love with her since they were children and he first saw her at a birthday party where she met potential future suitors for the first time (Also that night, after the party, her father molested her)

So he chumps for her, even agrees earnestly to allign himself with the bastard she takes under our wing (Our main character who is totally cucking him behind the scenes, fucking his own half-sister's brains out)

He rides in and helps save the bastard in the big final battle, and agrees to help the princess build an army for the war coming in the next book. Totally Simping and swearing loyalty to a woman who will never love him.

I'm thinking if, later on, they do get married for Political reasons, the princess who literally ALWAYS wears white whenever she's in public, is going to walk down the asile in a black dress, (and MC is still going to keep up his affair with her)

So TLDR: Tips for writing a friendzone character in epic fantasy? People make fun of pic related, but generally still like him mostly, want to try to strike that balance

[Anonymous No.18146911]

>>18146793

Either give him ambitions of his own and imply that all this, riding around with her symbol and such, is a way to get in a better position by marrying her at some point, or make him a truly honorable man who is the opposite of the previous option and actually wants to bring peace and justice to the world without higher ambitions. A character kind of like Odaenathus.

[Anonymous No.18147014]

>>18146793
His heart needs to break. This dude needs an arc and the ability to develop; having his ‘crush’ literally crush his heart will create an inciting incident and add more ‘likeability.”

As it stands, he just seems to be a dude who is simping and actually kinda gets what he wants AND doesn’t learn from it.

[Anonymous No.18147182]

>>18146793
Make him gay

[Anonymous No.18147419]

>>18146793
Sounds comparable to the character of Kondou Isao, Chief of the Shinsengumi (special samurai police force in Edo) in Gintama. He starts off as a stalker/overly-attached simp for a main character.
But as the series progresses, he's shown to be kind, loyal, and optimistic as a leader of his men. He's a good man, but just acts like a complete idiot around that woman.
So, if he's doing badass things (e.g. building an army, etc.), it can't just be because he's a simp. It's because he has some very redeeming qualities that would make him likeable, even if the romance part didn't exit (though the romance can humanize him).

[Anonymous No.18147517]

>>18146793
>fucking his own half-sister's brains out

[Anonymous No.18147526]

>>18146793
>in my epic fantasy
Stop

[Anonymous No.18148917]

>>18147517
This