Poetry Thread

[Anonymous No.18141677]

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[Anonymous No.18141708]

>>18141677
Just learning about meter and things so I wrote a limerick, did I get the stresses right?

Skulking in the shadows of my tree
A wonderful scent wafts to me
And once our eyes meet
I reach to her feet
I know later she’ll scream to be free

[Anonymous No.18141711]

>>18141677
She’s cold

Ten below
The belt

Her cruelty
I felt

[Anonymous No.18141740]

>>18141677
I touch
Her Breasts

And rub
Her feet

My life’s

Now Complete
>>18141708
Hello fellow foot fag
The last line does not go with the rest of the poem. Get rid of it.

[Anonymous No.18141765]

A rap verse i fucked around and made like 6-7 years ago or some shit. Lots of fun to write.
I made a lane, lane made of gold
I can shoot a BB through a frosted Cheerio
From fifty yards away, I can ride blades
I can make it rain even on a sunny day
At the Days Inn, still play to win
I can buy a Benz even if I ride a Schwinn
Twenty inch rims, man that shit's too small
Met this bitch at the mall, ass like two volleyballs
Supersize the chain, like it was McDonald's
Ice a whole frame, snowman, abominable
Laughing at the bank, man that shit is comical
50 inch Byzantine, damn near froze my abdominal
Ice on my hand and I shoulda won a Grammy
Step inside the club and I'm smelling like Miami
In the kitchen cooking cookies, but I'm not yo damn granny
Now they wanna copy cause I'm wetter than tsunami
Now they wanna copy cause I'm wetter than tsunami
>>18141708
Meter's kinda fucked up but it takes time, don't sweat it.
>>18141711
No, no, no.
>>18141740
Not really funny, but passabe cuz irony

[Anonymous No.18141766]

The Rain Wants to Kill Itself

With its fingers the rain stains your window and mumbles.
It wants to come in and kill itself.
I see you are in bed and couldn't care less.
In the dark. Naked. Couldn't care less.
Your hair loose. Your thighs spread open.
And there, in plain sight, black moss!
Your left middle finger busy, busy!
Villain, searching for the red crest.
While golden honey already oozes.
You call me from your delirium tremens.
Me already changed into a crow.
I fly down into your lap and peck, peck.
And then in my beak carry the caught fish away,
to go play cards and drink.
While the rain with its fingers
makes stains over your windowpanes and mumbles,
counts its beads,
wants to come in and kill itself.

[Anonymous No.18141812]

>>18141677
Simple
I get laid
You get paid

[Anonymous No.18141836]

>>18141765
Far to complicated to be a successful song today. Break your bars down to there simplest forms. And if that cant be done discard them. If they don't flow together naturally the beat is not going to save you.
>>18141765
>No, no, no.
What wrong with it? Got any constructive criticism to offer?

[Anonymous No.18141844]

>>18141766
this reads more like a diary entry than a poem

[Anonymous No.18141859]

>>18141766
Pretty good

This one's called "cheesy haiku"
Spring dawns, weaned by her
Humid breath flowers trickle
From bough to pavement

[Anonymous No.18141876]

Fear passes from man to man,
Unknowing,
As one leaf passes its shudder
To another

All at once the whole tree is trembling
And there is no sign of the wind.

[Anonymous No.18142558]

>>18141677
I told no lies

But I wish I said
Something instead

>>18141876
>>18141766
rate others
>>18141836
me

Also bump

[Anonymous No.18142590]

I met a traveller from an antique land,
Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal, these words appear:
My name is Sneed, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.”

[Anonymous No.18142674]

>>18141708
thanks creepy cross thread poster

[Anonymous No.18142680]

>>18141677
Love, gazing upon me again

with his cerulean, languid eyes,

launched me into Kypris

in impenetrable nets

through various seductive arts

And I really shiver while it’s happening

just like a horse carrying his yoke.

Once he used to win, now is growing old?

reluctantly resumes his challenge with rapid chariots.

[Anonymous No.18142698]

>>18141859
I don't really associate "flowers" with "boughs," but I can't tell if that introduces a disconnect or makes the piece more encompassing of the season.

>>18142590
Immaculate sneedcore.

I realized a few months ago that so much of my stuff ends up being an attempt to describe the sociopathic internal experience to humans. This is the one that made me see that, but it still doesn't feel right yet.

[Anonymous No.18142737]

>>18142680
>cerulean, languid eyes
Awful, please never do this
>And I really shiver while it’s happening
>just like a horse carrying his yoke.
>reluctantly resumes his challenge with rapid chariots.
So many words that don't know why there here or what they're doing.

[Anonymous No.18143113]

I hate it here
I hate being told
What to do
How to do it

I wanted to write
I wanted to paint
I wanted to sing
I wanted to

But no one cared
And I needed money
Or we would starve
So now I'm here

>>18141711
Gets the idea across really well. I personally like it.

>>18141708
Feet shit usually grosses me out, but done in this style is pretty funny. Meter needs tweaking, but I wouldn't change the main idea.

[Anonymous No.18143122]

Brilliance lays on the sea floor
Oh dignified coral reef
Perform an oration with your vivid hues
Declare the ingenuity of the Octopus
The darting eels and stationary sponges
Of all the defiantly curious crustaceans
Dazzling with swift cut appendages!

Clams cultivate your kingdom
Repetitious arrays of seaweed sway
With elegance no salt could preserve
Rocks rest like contents of opulent Gallions
All strewn across the ocean floor
Resting untouched
Yet tarnished and corroded

Your diaphragm awakens a vibrant cacophony
Graciously dancing in great swills of current
Precious jewels of the ocean
Plucked like sun ripened fruit
Let sink slowly into the bleakness
Where no hands will disturb
All desolate, all sublime

[Anonymous No.18143125]

>>18143122
Love this


Free me from my shackle

Pull me from my stone

My thoughts are tied like tackle

Truth it lies alone

[Anonymous No.18143236]

>>18143125
Its good. Better than a lot of the stuff here. But you could have a better last line. Feels unrelated. But it fits in well.
>>18143113
This needs some work. It does not flow well at all. Need more rhymes and better structure
>>18142698
This is a no from me.

[Anonymous No.18143578]

Hi! I wrote this poem when I was a carefree youth, many moons ago.

Peridots and periwinkle blue medallions
Gilded galleons spilled across the ocean floor
Treasure somewhere in the sea and he will find where
Never mind their questions there's no answer for
The roll of the harbor wake
The songs that the rigging makes
The taste of the spray he takes
And he learns to give
He aches and he learns to live
He stakes all his silver
On a promise to be free
Mermaids live in colonies
All his seadreams come to me
City satins left at home I will not need them
I believe him when he tells of loving me
Something truthful in the sea your lies will find you
Leave behind your streets he said and come to me
Come down from the neon nights
Come down from the tourist sights
Run down till the rain delights you
You do not hide
Sunlight will renew your pride
Skin white by skin golden
Like a promise to be free
Dolphins playing in the sea
All his seadreams come to me
Seabird I have seen you fly above the pilings
I am smiling at your circles in the air
I will come and sit by you while he lies sleeping
Fold your fleet wings I have brought some dreams to share
A dream that you love someone
A dream that the wars are done
A dream that you tell no one but the grey sea
They'll say that you're crazy
And a dream of a baby
Like a promise to be free
Children laughing out to sea
All his seadreams come to me

[Anonymous No.18143980]

>>18141765
RI'. Great, i'll share one i did a while ago too.
Might rock huaraches in a photo, Porsche big body
My shirt say Versace, TV screen in my left pocket
I'm from California, but I done moved to Texas
My bad, I'm dyslexic in a four-door mango Lexus
At the titty bar, I ain't afraid to tip em
Me and Sergio throwing pesos at some strippers
Still rocking Js, still fuck minimum wage
I just left neon rave, tip-toeing through my batcave, cause I'm
Tip-toeing in my Jordans
I done came down
Tip-toeing in my Jordans
Just copped a Porsche
Tip-toeing in my foreign
You motherfuckers borin'
You sleeping on me, snorin'
Don't worry, cause I'm
Tip-toeing in my Jordans

[Anonymous No.18145198]

>>18141876
Canadian book of Revelations.

[Anonymous No.18146044]

>>18141766

First poem I've ever read that covers the edgy goth fratboy demo.

[Anonymous No.18146095]

Country Ladyl Magdumped at Station


No one ducked or called for help
For five minutes she cooled on the ashpalt
to their gapes

It's a madness like a room temperature bowl of oatmeal
Time doesn't pass, it cordons you
People here are like horses
You have to look at their teeth to know what they're worth

[Anonymous No.18146465]

>>18143578
>many moons ago
stopped reading right about there
>>18146095
>room temperature bowl of oatmeal
cmon anon you can do better than that

I would love to hear some feedback on this poem I wrote, fellas.

Coils I erected around my home
On a gentle summer’s eve,
And out I tooketh my mob’le phone
To make the UN seethe.
Swift, they pick’t up; hearing my tone
Form an insulting decree:
“Methinks thou art to this world like
lice!
I bite my thumb at thee!
(And if such insults shan’t suffice)
I hate the Antichrist!”

Quarrel ensued, as I pr’meditated,
The moment I utter’d that word.
Steel wagons arrived as I expect’d;
Aside it, a militant herd.
Lo! my coils were not detect’d,
Though from the men I heard:
“Drink thou thy syrup! Or we shan’t act
nice!”
—My courage nearly deterr’d!
Thus did I scream to drown such vice:
“I hate the Antichrist!”

Their eyes were red from flames of rage,
They issued one last warning:
“Yield, O fool, to the triumphant Dark Age,
Or we shall enter swarming!”
“Have at thee, I shan’t die in a cage!
I shall die in this field, roaring!”
The coils turn’d on, killing all the
knights,
Their groans were O so daunting;
Yet still I yelled—feeling enticed:
“I hate the Antichrist!”

In a blink of the eye, the sky shone bright,
—I thought it must be day;
And soon I knew it was still night,
Yet my vision felt still more gay.
The Lord and saviour, crowned with light
Descend’d, prompting me to say:
“I love thee, O Jesu
Christ!
You came and drove all sin away.
Apart from loving thee, O Christ,
I hate the Antichrist!”

[Anonymous No.18146691]

Niggas call me Hi-C because I'm high, as you can see
Niggas say they paid they dues
Well I'm checking your receipt
Might as well go stupid
Since this is a stupid beat
Grab the owl out the tree
And ask that bitch, who but me?
>>18146465
I don't care if it made me giggle a bit at first, i couldn't finish this shit.
>>18143578
Complete ass piss
>>18142558
Too brief for its own good, but also not brief enough considering you fumbled the poetry that quickly
>>18141859
I'm not sure, but i want to hate this more than i do. Either way there isn't any kind of standout qualities.

[Anonymous No.18146872]

>>18146691
>niggas said they paid they dues

Imagine Niggers paying anything in 2021.

It would be more clever to say "niggas say they purchased it"

[Anonymous No.18147049]

>>18146691
Based, when it Waynes it pours

[Anonymous No.18147103]

>>18146691
>Niggas call me Hi-C because I'm high, as you can see
And >Grab the owl out the tree And ask that bitch, who but me?
Are 10/10 lines, rest is filler.

[Anonymous No.18147389]

THIS IS A CRY FOR
HELP I AM GOING TO KILL
MYSELF HELP HELP HELP

[Anonymous No.18147968]

>>18143578
>alliteration

[Anonymous No.18147982]

>>18146095
This is kind of neat but the other anon is right, the oatmeal image is weak.

A Symposium of Lights

The farmhouses that stood up and down that road
seemed to be made of stone, the way each one
pierced the silence between us with a silence of their own.

Nightfall there came on slowly, the eventide
stretching the horizon line and its sunset,
casting a day so long one forgot how to value time,

and I did. When the endless quiet of that drive ended,
we sat on the grass and blended into dusk to watch
color splash the sky, your eyes, and a feeling not mended.

[Anonymous No.18148026]

>>18141677
>how to improve this?

She wants love
Not the streets

But she is
What she eats

Under strangers
Dirty sheets
>>18146691
what is this the 2000s

[Anonymous No.18148940]

>>18147982

I love everything here but the title.

"Symposium" doesn't feel right to me here. You do a fabulous job conveying imagery with rather straightforward language, having a four-syllable word in the title seems off.

[Anonymous No.18149181]

>>18148026
Here's tha nu shit
It's the Adderall Admiral
Writing holy mackerel
Your bitch say my dick long like the strap on a satchel
I took me a capsule with no hassle
Now it's like I dip feathers of ink in a castle
A prodigy like bullets that hit your left clavicle
Melt sweat suits and paint the avenue
You have no clue like toy stores without board games
But when I paint pictures, I'm dipping brushes in war paint
...
I'm a mothafuckin' mothafucka
Fucking on your mother with two rubbers, I do fuck her
No cover just her booty on a pillow (uh)
Your bitch said my dick tastes like (what it taste like?)
Tropical fruit Skittles

[Anonymous No.18149206]

Pop these niggas like a wheelie, nigga, you a silly nigga
In the hood with them Billy niggas and them Hoover niggas
You run up and they shootin' niggas, we ain't hoopin', nigga
Yo, KB, you a loser, nigga, up that Uzi, nigga
On the stoop, crills in my drawers, your girl on my phone
She wanna fuck, but keep her clothes on, I only want the jaw
Man, that's really all I use her for, then kick her out the door
I don't want her, you can keep the whore, she fiendin' for some more
In New York, my niggas don't Milly Rock, my niggas money bop
Blow a case, a nigga throwin' shots, I run 'em off they block
Quarter milli' in the stash box, I grinded for my spot
Niggas talkin' 'bout that cash, but my bag worth a lot
I don't fuck with no old hoes, only new hoes
Put my dick in her backbone, I pass her to my bro
I don't love her, that's a sad ho, she a bad ho
I'ma fuck her, then I dash home, to the cash, ho

[Anonymous No.18149216]

>>18149181
I kek't

[Anonymous No.18149412]

Peridots and periwinkle blue medallions
Good googly moogly, that thang is juicy
Gilded galleons spilled across the ocean floor
Good googly moogly, that thang is juicy
Treasure somewhere in the sea and he will find where
Good googly moogly, that thang is juicy
Never mind their questions there's no answer for
Good googly moogly, that thang is juicy
The roll of the harbor wake
She got a bubble gum cap with a Gucci dats snappin'
The songs that the rigging makes
With some rhino legs and a booty that's flappin'
The taste of the spray he takes
With some fire-oh head 'cause you know we love cappin'
And he learns to give
Got her toes done up with her fingernails matchin'
He aches and he learns to live
Here dat big ol' butt that you're walkin' cross the street with
He stakes all his silver
Peep this, for a happy meal can I squeeze it
On a promise to be free
Till it go pop, make the juice start to runnin' out
Mermaids live in colonies
Greasy lips, thick like a moose what I'm talkin' 'bout
All his seadreams come to me
Them freaky freaks I heard on the loose, let ya pockets out
City satins left at home I will not need them
Got trick niggaz watchin' your caboose with they wallets out
I believe him when he tells of loving me
You should stop, lil' somethin' somethin' bad to the bone
Something truthful in the sea your lies will find you
That ain't a monkey hangin' off ya back that's Donkey Kong
Leave behind your streets he said and come to me
Good googly moogly, that thang is juicy
Come down from the neon nights
Good googly moogly, that thang is juicy
Come down from the tourist sights
Good googly moogly, that thang is juicy
Run down till the rain delights you
Good googly moogly, that thang is juicy
You do not hide

[Anonymous No.18149667]

>>18149181
>this is contemporary. Its simple.

Rolex you see
Ice in the snow

It shine
I know

She cum
And go

Had a man I know

But, she a slut

Another American Mutt

Fulla nut

[Anonymous No.18149723]

The Sun too, coy to show delight,
Still casts gay lines of cloudburst light
The noonday devil hangs his hat
And sits with me on the bench slats

heads of hair of feminine wheat
Their piercing eyes I never meet
And up I go! down flowered paths
For Christ to heal me at the baths

Though Devil's claw my tired back
They shan't succeed in their attack
Alone and sad I'll raise my head
And keep the faith until I'm dead

The lonely wait for Christ so long
But they will hear the trumpet song
The fir trees shade the stones of rest
By the fort; the valley west

>>18149667
Getting simplicity is hard, so I can appreciate it. Not my thing, but it's catchy

[Anonymous No.18149766]

>>18148940
Thanks lad, you might be correct. I'm particularly partial to the word "symposium" though.

[Anonymous No.18150252]

bump

[Anonymous No.18150562]

>>18147389
nooooooooo
*puts microwave popcorn in the microwave*
dont do iiiiittt!!
*3 mins*
noooooooooo
*puts popcorn into bowl*

[Anonymous No.18151000]

Heavenly rays hold my delight,
Locked our eyes in shade,
I love you my dear take flight,
On the wind my cry is made,
It must be you, my friend,
I'll always end where you begin,
Save me from my sin,
Golden hair through tint rose.
Where you are sure, I just suppose I love you dear don't let me go.

[Anonymous No.18151102]

Ignacious gas exhumed the tomb that night
Through skin and bone
It rots and grows

In time divine the sickle sweeps its blade
When all that breaths
It turns to dust

[Anonymous No.18151401]

>>18151000
>>18151102
>>18149206
>>18149412
Rate others.

[Anonymous No.18152753]

>>18149723
Liked the imagery, well done .
Nice old english too..

[Anonymous No.18153364]

>>18143125
I dig the rhythm. Perhaps the last line could tie in further imagery relating to "tackle" and "stone".


harrowed bleats from blackest sheep,
matted mutton hung from feet,
born to die and born to weep,
born for mercy, born for meat.

[Anonymous No.18153372]

As I closed my eye
Sigh.
Brighter than the
Sky.
Skkkkrrr
Braaa

[Anonymous No.18154161]

Crawling up a hill
Trying not to spill
Anything I say seems to kill
I reached the top and my eyes were filled

The dirt molds under my toes
I walk near the window
I hear the wind blow
Sadness fills the lone weirdo

He cry happily in the lust of the day
We all hear the man say
"Let me just be afraid"
He shouted near the bay that day
>>18149723 pretty good

[Anonymous No.18154599]

>>18141836
Rap peaked around 2012, right before mumble rap. Come to think of it, a lot of things peaked around then. Maybe the Mayans were right about the end of the world.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yh6QxtRpSH8

[Anonymous No.18154950]

>>18154599
Were in a golden age of music. Its so easy to record and produce and distribute. That all sorts of sounds and artists that labels would not have invested in have popped up and gained traction. The amount of change that has happened over the last 5 years is crazy. This will change as music distributors will begin to further curtail artistic expression on there platforms. YG is just the start. But there is the playlisting question. Which is able to consistently produce hits and inflate the sales of signed artists. Blacklisting people through not promoting there music fairly is also a troubling trend that is only going to get worse. See what happened to 6ix9ine and tory lanez. They got no playlisting and were not featured in the recent releases sections. This is done to intimidate others. If they challenge current cooperate "morality" they will feel it in there pockets. The end of an era is coming. A sanitized internet seems to be our future.

[Anonymous No.18155238]

>>18142590
Based and Shelley-pilled.

[Anonymous No.18155587]

>>18141677
No love

Ever

No who

Or when

Just never
>>18141711
>>18141740
>>18141812
>>18143236
Me

[Anonymous No.18155624]

>>18147982
What if you said "a feeling not mentioned" instead of "a feeling not mended?" Would it still rhyme, or carry a meaning?

[Anonymous No.18155698]

>>18155587
I like it a lot, I do think it could use a little more spice, not sure how, maybe one more line focusing on giving it some specific point of relation.

Pterodactyl

you said it was only on the surface
but it's the same below
our world had a short time, heaven knows
it's littered and smells of smoke

we dared not stare too long as we spoke
for fear of sparking something out of control
we kept the kindling so close

this is no longer life
so all together thieves and beggars:
never shall we die
our lungs will retire, breathless
our drunk blood will never dry

I was at the top
when it melted to the ground
you found the stairs, you got out
now I'm stuck looking down
and up here I can still see your house

[Anonymous No.18156645]

>>18155698
There are strong spots and weak spots. The first stanza is the strongest.

[Anonymous No.18157095]

1000 spoons 0 knives
this black lady
is lecturing about cultural appropriation
in English

Every communist
whose name I know
that draws breath today
is orders of magnitude
richer than me

If a white lady was really with
an Indian tribe like in Dances with Wolves
her name wouldn't be Stands With a Fist
it would be
Served
With
A
Garnish

[Anonymous No.18157653]

bump

[Anonymous No.18157889]

>>18157095
Is that poetry? All I see is a list of contradictions. Nothing is condensed (except for the first line). Write your political comments in poetic prose instead.

>>18155698
I thought this was going to be a poem about dinosaurs. I am disappointed. There's nothing to see here. Please move on. Write a poem. Write the same poem again, but without repeating yourself. That way you might get past your clichés.

>>18154161
Read this to your friends and see if they laugh at you. Or if they give you a foul compliment. The rhyme has slain the poet. Between the verbiage: a hollow sound, like dead wood. Welcome to the dead poet society. Dead Alive!!!!

[Anonymous No.18157918]

rAtE oThErS!!!!
he seethed
he sneed
RATE OTHERS OR YOU WONT GET RATED
he sneeded for the 5th time
I CANT SNEED
I HAVE NO MOUTH AND I MUST SNEED
breath
atman
sage

[Anonymous No.18158108]

>>18149206 7/10


My blood speckles out of me onto the pavement below, I bleed red into the sea of dirt.

I wake up into another nightmare, the same familiar taste drys my tongue like a desert, the wind blows my skin into dust and my eyes into stone.

The ground below turns into maroon, everything returns to the soil from once it came, I’m in hell.

[Anonymous No.18158171]

>>18158108
9/10

Reads kind of like Adunis, a nice metaphysical bleakness and intensity of the Church Fathers

[Anonymous No.18159457]

bump

[Anonymous No.18160133]

>>18143122
this is an excellent poem, specifically, "elegance no salt could preserve". Probably the best poem save the Shelley edit of the thread.
>>18149723
This one has qualities and ideas I like, but it is somewhat weak in terms of punctuation, "the sun too," you could probably get rid of that comma. also, Devil's should just be Devils, or even devils. my favorite line is "heads of hair of feminine wheat", the two early h led words makes wheat's hidden texture rise to the fore as a heavier consonant.

Potatoes n Point

Mark not the man,
who bears no burden,
heed not the lamb,
no wool he turned in,
to that loom,
that smacks of groom,
to the pixie'd garden,
an idle bray
of brokeback mule
echoes to fray
their fabric jewel.

Let no man sleep,
lest he perspire,
no moistened deep,
he to retire.


(unnamed)

To be brave but to be chaste,

to venture without hearts misplaced

some see as dull, bub's aching woe

that pablum feeds the belly slow.

'Gainst pure of heart and their desires

not he that filled with faith conspires,

ere finality arrest heartbeat

there is but one here washing feet.

[Anonymous No.18160516]

>>18158108
I do not hate this, but I think that you could do more if you strove to be better.

Reminds me of lyrics to a metalcore song.

[Anonymous No.18160560]

>>18141766
unironically the best poem i've read on /lit/
freaky, unsolved

[Anonymous No.18160585]

>>18142698
nvm this is the best one

[Anonymous No.18160613]

>>18160560
Djordjević’s second book, Fly and Other Poems, which appeared in
1986, is a far more confident and successful collection. If the task of
a young poet is to search for and discover an authentic voice and an
original way of looking at things, these poems do that. They are short,
often erotic, and startling in their imagery.

[Anonymous No.18160954]

>>18160133
>(unnamed)


Beautiful imagery marred by trite simplistic rhyming.

I would prefer if you ditched the rhymes, but if you are married to rhyming verse, add more complex wordplay such as rhyming multiple syllables in adjacent lines, more alliteration, or other cleverness that raises your formality to your strong images.

[Anonymous No.18161486]

>>18155624
my nigga

[Anonymous No.18162719]

>>18160133
>To be brave but to be chaste,
>to venture without hearts misplaced
This could be a poem on its own.

To be brave
To be chaste

A venture
Without hearts

Misplaced

>>18160133
>Mark not the man,
>who bears no burden,

You could do the same thing here and add a couple of extra lines and call it a day.
Its all so long and wordy.
>>18157918
Nice
>>18158108
I don't like it. Feels like prose and not poetry.
>>18157095
You need to at last make an attempt at rhyme and rhythm
>>18155698
I don't like it. Its feels very pseudish. If I hear another poem that references fire with kindling or droning in blood. I'm gonna fucking kill myself.
>>18141812
>>18141740
>>18141711
>>18149667
>>18155587
These are masterpieces. For they are all mine.

[Anonymous No.18164225]

this thread is not allowed to die yet

[Anonymous No.18164790]

I take b12.
I punch holes in walls.
I do everything I can to enter flow state.
I watch youtube all day.
I work in my garden.

>>18143113
"or we would starve" feels a little more formal that the surrounding lines
Strip it down

>>18142737
ever AND never seems a little off

[Anonymous No.18164798]

Things will not get better
Until you can open a window,
At any time, day or night,
And hear, from far or near,
Fluttering through the air,
The lashing of whips.

[Anonymous No.18166081]

"The ship sails over the sunset
A thousand miles away"

You press your face against my arm
Softly breathing gentle yawns
All the wide world couldn't harm
And this is what I say:

Life stops and bides the waterside
Ripples ride the sandy ocean
Short sharp calls of the gull
You're lulled into the ships old hull
Drift into tranquility.

And that was all you'll hear from me.

[Anonymous No.18166695]

I’ll speak it in nigger so you’ll understand me quicker.


I’m learnin to burn firm like biggie and Swinburne,
drinkin whiskey to discern the form of kali,
poet kin, just begin to adjourn thy folly
the virgin spirit of molly rocks my body

bitch you’re broken, not sorry, fuck your emotions
take this token, ten inch nazi, try and stop me
your shakti wants me like David lynch wants coffee
cremated gnosis haunts me choronzon can’t taunt me

I rant more than Kenneth grant in a tantrik chant
to evoke in the smoke dreaded yuggoths host
of decomposed fabulous somnambulist ghosts
delete my posts, I’ll conjure the hoes you simp for

but nah fuck it you lust for whores who’ve ate more scores
than the disgusting gates of hell that swell with men
but you’re a cuck, I spit, you’ve made your room a cell
you don’t deserve wit, you jannies turn /lit/ to shit

[Anonymous No.18167933]

Spider and i sit watching the sky
On a world without sound
We knit a web to catch one tiny fly
For our world without sound
We sleep in the mornings
We dream of a ship that sails away
A thousand miles away.

[Anonymous No.18168134]

>>18141766
>honey as an image for pussy juice
stop doing this

[Anonymous No.18168341]

stfup
i said to play
no one play
because they are gay

[Anonymous No.18169533]

>>18168341
>>18167933
>>18166695
>>18166081
>>18164798
Rate your Retards

[Anonymous No.18170122]

I’m going to be honest, i’m just trying to win a poetry contest, I can submit ten submissions and I only have 1/10 done so far. I have two poems posted in here, one sucks and the other is ok but has fair criticism, what the heckles can I do?

[Anonymous No.18170382]

>>18154161
You're really overdoing it on the rhyming. Either cut down on the rhymes or mix them up. Don't use the same one four lines in a row. Also work on the meter. The subject matter isn't bad and there is some potential. You need to work on your technique

Ragnarok
A thunder from the North
A black and formless sky
Upon the Vigrid field
The gods prepare to die

[Anonymous No.18170738]

>>18146691
I don't write but this shit funny. Actually decent bars.

Anyone know good resources on rhyme schemes and general poetry or lyric writing? I want to get into it, but don't know where to start.

[Anonymous No.18171166]

Hello poetrychads, what's the best way to format a poem?
>title case, caps, or sentence case for the title
>poet name after the title or at the end of the poem
>double spaced paragraph breaks or less

[Anonymous No.18171335]

>>18170122
>i’m just trying to win a poetry contest
What contest? You could just steal the best poem here.

[Anonymous No.18171544]

>>18141765
>t. Riff Raff
I do like his word choice though, very unorthodox.

[Anonymous No.18171670]

>>18171335
Nah there’s no fun in cheating.
I wrote this, there’s also another in here that i’m ashamed a wrote. The dirt one I posted I wrote in ten minutes.
>>18158108

[Anonymous No.18171750]

>>18171670
I can tell.
>>18162719
This was my review.
What is the competition?
I would like to enter if possible.
Got a lot of strong competition?
>>18158108
>the wind blows my skin into dust and my eyes into stone.
This is your strongest section.

[Anonymous No.18171776]

>>18171750
It’s a local competition, I have no idea about the other people involved. I just grabbed a flyer and thought it looked cool.

[Anonymous No.18171783]

>>18141677
OH FUCK I'M
I'M
C
O
O
M
I
N
G
S

[Anonymous No.18171805]

>>18171776
What do you win?

[Anonymous No.18171810]

>>18171805
1st prize gets 50 bucks giftcard to books a million
2nd is like 30
3rd is 25 I think

[Anonymous No.18171817]

>>18171810
Good luck. But work on your poem a bit.

[Anonymous No.18171821]

>>18171166
I like this one, but the lord bryon part at the bottom

My hands are covered with blood
The breaks of light shine on me
I’ve become nothing

Death has awoken me
A new existence in another cage
Today I found an old friend

[Anonymous No.18171825]

>>18143122
Nice imagery, but try to make it more personal. Connect the beauty of the ocean floor to the inner workings of the human heart, make it come to life through characterization.
>>18146465
This is good as it is, very nice.

[CUNNY DESTROYER No.18171831]

NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS
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>NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS
NIGGERS NIGG

[Anonymous No.18171889]

>>18146691
>Might as well go stupid
>Since this is a stupid beat
Those lines kinda stink, the hi c line is actually godtier

Blackness fills the skies
But it’s not night
Rather a sign the gods have died

The sea begins to dry
Empty floors filled with salt and shells
Only the tears of the fish lie

Trees rot into decaying statues
Air disappears without haste
Finally earths last natural tatoo