Hopeless

[Anonymous No.18016023]

I'm at the end bros. I don't care how cringe it sounds or whatever but I feel completely broken. Day in, day out, it's nothing but suffering, which would be bad enough on its own but I constantly think back to times when things were different. Have you ever heard about these experiments dealing with depression involving monkeys. They made something called the pit of despair. I read about this when I was like 14 or so and thought it sounded just like I feel. I'm now almost 25 and it just gets worse and worse. I'm not disciplined and good enough to pursue a religion in the proper way and I'm too hedonistic anyway, but at the same time, I don't want to hurt my family by killing myself. I hate the person I am. I don't know what to do. I want to go back to when I was 5 years old. all was well. I knew nothing and was where I wanted to be. I've been a very emotional person all my life and cried often. Then, last October/November, after a severe argument, I cried for the last time until two days ago. I'm spent. I don't know what to do. I want to enjoy life and be happy but there's no way to unknow all the things I hate about myself. I'm at a loss. Every day the sentences "kill me" or "let me die" or something along those lines pop into my head. What should I read to help me go on? I'm open for anything. Fiction, non-fiction, poetry, religious, non-religious, whatever, anything. Please

[Anonymous No.18016045]

Walden
Viktor Frankl
The stranger
The catcher in the rye

[Anonymous No.18016046]

The most important teaching is that the suffering is in the mind, not in the matter, so when you get upset about a material event XXX, you can say that suffering is not the materially thing XXX in itself, but in the crappy mind and if you manage to change your mind about XX, then you will change it to a non-suffering sensation, likely neutral. you have to understand that your suffering comes from your behavior, not in matter, and they can change your behavior more easily than matter.

all suffering stems from how you approach events in life.

try hinduism, buddhism but all those teachings require a lot of introspection in a calm settings. It can take weeks or months.

[Anonymous No.18016048]

>>18016023
Fuck off

[Anonymous No.18016068]

>>18016045
I forgot, read this is water as well. Or listen to it on youtube

[Anonymous No.18016178]

>>18016045
>>18016068
thank you. i listened to this is water when i was about 17 or so. It had great impact on me.
>>18016046
thank you. It's hard work but you're right, it's all in the mind. I will try harder this time. Last year was marked by failure. I want this year to be better

[Anonymous No.18016201]

>>18016023
bro just listen to aristotle

try (and do) succeed (or at least do very well) in things and life will become worthwhile

[Anonymous No.18016272]

>>18016023
Die Anderswelt - Jochen Kirchhoff

[Anonymous No.18016304]

>>18016023
>>18016272
Read this and I'll tell you, as soon as you get to page 35, you'll see the whole world with different eyes. Each individual page requires concentration and contains at least 3 technical terms that you have to google on the side. It is, so to speak, one of the rarest books out there, because there is nothing like it. But for that you have to be able to speak German, unfortunately there is no translation.

[Anonymous No.18016418]

When I was 25 I was so much lost in my own head and in feelings of others- I was unconscious of everything which was me. Meditation did bring new light into the night. For a easy understanding i recommend Tolle, then move on to others such Mingyur.

>The Power of Now - Echart Tolle

>In Love with the World: A Monk's Journey Through the Bardos of Living and Dying
by Yongey Mingyur

But- I find comfort in so many sad books and i adore all of it. Guess its suicidecore all the way.
im weird, a lost cause to, so don't be sad. Thought are just thoughts in our own mind. Im kinda losing it myself atm.

[Anonymous No.18016429]

>>18016023
Just keep saying "sneed" to yourself. Filter everything through "sneed." I do that with lyrics to songs all the time. When I shower, I tend to repeat the word "sneed" to myself.

Take the sneedpill.

[Anonymous No.18016439]

>>18016429
Example from this post >>18016418
>>The Power of Sneed - Chuckart Tolle

>>In Love with the Sneed: A Chuck's Journey Through the Bardos of Feeding and Sneeding

You're welcome, OP.

[Anonymous No.18016441]

>>18016429
based and sneeduckpilled

[Anonymous No.18016521]

this one always worked for me when i was feeling depressed.

https://terebess.hu/english/tao/Taoteching_withCommentaries.pdf

[Anonymous No.18016567]

>>18016521
>Sneed-tzu's Taotechuck

[Anonymous No.18016579]

>>18016304
I'm german so that's good

[Anonymous No.18016596]

>make it stick
>deep work
>atomic habits
>how to read a book

Develop the hunger for knowledge. Eventually the drive to learn things will outpace the feelings of entropy, depression, and failure. When I finally achieve flow state in something I am set free from the pain and suffering of the life I live. This is why people on this board read. It's escapism. Some for stories, some for knowledge, but in the end it's all learning of the human condition, seeking answers to questions that can't be answered. I hope you find something that brings you solace, OP. I believe in you.

[Anonymous No.18016611]

>>18016596
thank you anon. that means a lot. and to every other anon who responded sincerely, thank you too

[Anonymous No.18016642]

>>18016596
based and well said

[Anonymous No.18016682]

>>18016023
You unironically sound low T. Get your hormones checked and follow online guides and NOT some gay female doctor who says your low 200s is ”fine”.

[Anonymous No.18017133]

William James

-The Dilemma of Determinism
-Is Life Worth Living?
-On a Certain Blindness in Human Beings
-The Will to Believe


Ralph Waldo Emerson

-Self-Reliance
-Circles
-Experience


Walt Whitman

-Song of Myself
-Crossing Brooklyn Ferry
-To You

[Jesus No.18017467]

>>18016023
your close oned are live walls of your prison. divorce your family.

[Anonymous No.18017501]

>>18017467
Go to bed, Molyneux.

[Anonymous No.18017507]

I have heard from multiple people that Marcus Aurelius Meditations have helped them tremendously when they were in dark places. Not sure if that is your thing, but thought I would mention it at least.

[Anonymous No.18017530]

>>18016023
Good humour is one of the only reliefs I know works reliably. When was the last time you laughed?

[Anonymous No.18017600]

>>18016023
Fear and Trembling - Søren Kierkegaard

Good luck. This one is short, but a masterpiece

[Anonymous No.18017680]

>>18016579
>Die Anderswelt - Jochen Kirchhoff

I really want to help u a bit, so I photographed a few pages for you bro. Read it through if you want. Usually u wouldn't get such help on this site. At least not in this quality.

And I also have a few top-tier yt channels for you. (ultra rare) 4chan is fun, but I wouldn't limit myself to this site.

Videos / audiobooks are a great way to think about topics on the side.
It would be best if you also do sports (if you don't already) so that you stay physically and mentally fit.

Link 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0Ne1dXQans

Link 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msqlr1nZLuA

(And don't expect to get better from one moment to the next. It takes time. I had been busy with the videos for a few months. You have to shape your mind by contributing to it every day and making an effort to think. Make an effort, even if it torments you.)

And listen to good music. The music can be vulgar (rap, metal, whatever you like) but you have to suck the positive into yourself instead of being influenced negatively by it. It depends what you get from it.

Summer is coming soon, just go outside and lie in the sun.

[Anonymous No.18017704]

>>18016023
Immerse yourself in work/hobby that you enjoy or think you would enjoy. Start lifting weights immediately, post workout rush kills depression, pray to God and ask Jesus to help you, no expectations or big goals or feeling bad about failing, even 1 our father or hail mary a day is good, if you cant do that do 1 a week, takes 30 seconds.

[Anonymous No.18017723]

>>18017600
Good choice. The whole thing is the typical Kierkegaardian combination of eloquence and meticulousness, but the Eulogy on Abraham is particularly beautiful and one the few (one of three) pieces of writing that has brought me to tears with its beauty.

[Anonymous No.18017726]

>>18016579
>>18017680

>I had been busy with the videos

Schau dich ruhig auf den Kanälen um, was es dort alles zu finden gibt.
"Ben Richter // Selfmade Philosophie!" &
"Jochen Kirchhoff" - ist aber sehr anspruchsvoll.

Von Jochen Kirchhoff würde ich dir aber nicht alle Videos empfehlen, weil es ziemlich viele sind und die verschiedensten Themen behandelt werden.

[Anonymous No.18017754]

>>18016023
Dude, you’re fucking young. You’re lazy and undisciplined, so what? That doesn’t mean you’re a waste of space, heck you might just be the most entertaining person in a room and not know it. Have you seen how boring most “successful” people are?
Now, regarding religion. You’re going all wrong about it. You must accept Jesus into your heart, let him into your soul as you might welcome an old friend into your house. The rest will follow.

[Anonymous No.18017812]

You feel this way because you are at the bottom of the dominance hierarchy.

[Anonymous No.18017826]

Watch the documentaries by Adam Curtis. Can’t Get You Out of My Head was the whitepill I never knew I wanted. It’s on Youtube, as is most of his work

[Anonymous No.18017947]

>>18016023
Read Job, Proverbs, and Ecclesiastes.

[Anonymous No.18018004]

>>18016023
I'm doing this once.

Fight. You must stop trying to not suffer and try to live for others. You are at an impass. What percent of your income have you donated? How many people would cry at your funeral? These are the measures of our lives - not if we were happy. I'm praying for your, anon.

[Anonymous No.18018036]

>>18016023
I don't know what to read. I would recommend Peter Handke, but it may sound stupid but I don't know why exactly. His is extremely introspective, maybe he will help you find out new things about yourself. In the mean time, from the bottom of my heart, I post the japanese first responder for people lacking spirit. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-p_0FDlpkw

[Anonymous No.18018079]

Take Christianity more seriously.

[Anonymous No.18018229]

>I'm almost 25

Brother, when I was at your age (almost 25) I was exactly the same emotionally (obviously within my own context) and spent months unable to look myself in the mirror, binge eating every day, behaving in absurd ways that made my co-workers uncomfortable, just an al-round bad place. Now a few years later I am much more mellow, etc. I would recommend letting go of anything in your life that is not beneficial to your immediate survival, like a ship cutting off ballast to remain afloat in a storm. This includes ambitions, prejudices, targets, etc - just focus on the daily experience, try to walk in nature, and talk to your family. Be safe.

[Anonymous No.18019133]

>>18016023
What do you hate about yourself? Regrets?

Carl Jung writes in one of his books about the phenomena of a psychological longing to return to childhood, for comfort/simplicity etc. I haven't read it specifically, only about it, but perhaps there is something of use there.

I had a long depressed state similar to what you seem to be in, although I don't feel I ever had a strong ideal for myself to become (other than an ideal of accomplishment, ie social success) and thus didn't feel a tremendous amount of self-hatred. Deleting social media + killing the goal of social success and making money, depressing as it seemed at the time, actually opened up a lot of door I never expected. I regained curiosity about the world that I never really had except for in childhood. I'm a highly sensitive person so art has a profound effect on me. History, anthropology, music, architecture, etc have been a strong antidote to depression for me.

[Anonymous No.18019997]

>>18016023
Surrender to God and allow Him to make you whole, to give your life meaning, purpose and joy. Trust Him. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

[Anonymous No.18020033]

>>18019997
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:17-18)

[Anonymous No.18020045]

>>18016178
Bottom line, bro: you don't have to be the person you were yesterday today, or the person you are today tomorrow.

[Anonymous No.18020260]

>>18016023
I sympathize a lot with you, OP. Basically, I just want you to reconsider following Christ and change your understanding of religion (which you only allotted one sentence in your entire paragraph). Some things to consider—

I. There has been a protestant delusion that believing in God is entirely suprarational. This is not true. You can literally just read Guénon or somebody and observe the extant influences of the Divine.
II. Christianity is the "ultimate" devotion, in this sense. It admits and guides to a wholeness outside of you. In this sense it is superior to every secular following, like Buddhism.
III. If you can admit that Christianity is the truth, then you have no reason to not follow it. Your statement about "not being disciplined enough" to follow a religion confuses me for this manner (and I think the issue combines with my first point). If you have faith, your empowerment through Christ will soon follow; and you will take on pleasures even past the sublime: the joy of contemplation and union with divinity.

I recommend for a first book to read (apart from the BIble) "The Fullness of God" by Frithjof Schuon. He was suspicious in his personal life and contests some important doctrines in this book, but within the pages is a great elucidation on the core of Christianity. Just don't endow him with any finality—read the Bible for that.

I was once very suicidal and disconsolate at my own atheism, but after perusal I could not turn myself from the Christian faith. Try also to pray sometime, OP. Gott liebt dich!