I am afraid

[Anonymous No.17980246]

I don't want to suffer, I don't want to die. I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to be attached to anything. Everything is ephemeral, all pleasures and happinesses are transitory: attach yourself and you will be disappointed sooner or later, everything is suffering and dissatisfaction. Sometimes I would like to isolate myself radically from the world, cut all my social ties and withdraw from the causal web of society. I feel deeply out of place, not only in this world but also in life itself. I am too imperfect, my form disturbs me every moment. But I can't die, no, I'm too afraid. I lost everything when I was born, this indefinite peace that I find in the nights of deep sleep. That was taken away from me and I was drugged into the world, just so that I would be addicted enough and have enough cravings to keep me from taking my own life, which would mean losing it all again.

Any books to read that have this feel?

I would like to disappear.

[Anonymous No.17980334]

Sounds like you’re suffering from dickinyourassitus

[Anonymous No.17980395]

If you aren't joking, you've just summarized buddhism...including nirvana at the end. Go study buddhism if you aren't trolling.

[Anonymous No.17980472]

read picrel

[Anonymous No.17980539]

I am sorry to hear that OP. But why would you want to read something that furthers these feelings, are they dear to you? I would try to live in your head less, move, maybe try therapy. You don't have to feel like this.

[Anonymous No.17980943]

>>17980246
Ecclesiastes

[Anonymous No.17980995]

>>17980395
But I believe in atman/consciousness
Anatman doesn't make sense to me

[Anonymous No.17981105]

I feel the same way. I suggest taking a cue from the life and death of Alexander Supertramp.

[Anonymous No.17981186]

>>17980246
you just described dukkha. read Persuasion and Rhetoric of Michelstaedter

[Anonymous No.17981214]

I want to never exist again. There is no excuse for anything. It’s all a sham.

[Anonymous No.17981264]

>>17980246
Read this https://www.dhammatalks.org/books/NobleStrategy/Section0004.html

[Anonymous No.17981532]

>>17980246
Bible

[Anonymous No.17982851]

>>17981532
Kek

[Anonymous No.17983809]

Bump

[Anonymous No.17983963]

You just described capitalism, read Das Kapital and comeback

[Anonymous No.17984474]

>>17983963
retard

[Anonymous No.17984512]

>>17980995
Not the same guy, but please see that Buddhism is the flowering of Vedanta. The only reason the Buddha falls silent when it comes to the Self is that the Vedantic tradition was so corrupt at his time. All real masters have gone against the status quo of their time in some way. Brahmin bitches had made the Highest into something so ugly and despicable (happens with all religions, no?) that the soul HAD to be denied.

Spirituality is about helping the ego, not about a factually correct dogmatic philosophy.

And by the way, you have a lot of stakes in the world. If you actually felt all the things you just listed, you wouldnt suffer like you do. You still have an image deep down of how things should be and the facts are hitting against this images, hence the conflict.

And mind you, you have what you WANT to have. You identify because you draw security and a perverted pleasure out of your curreny state. The state does not hold you; you hold the state, and more importantly, your self.

I Am That is a good book. Check it out.

[Anonymous No.17984651]

>>17980246
When the nun Chiyono studied Zen under Bukko of Engaku she was unable to attain the fruits of meditation for a long time.

At last one moonlit night she was carrying water in an old pail bound with bamboo. The bamboo broke and the bottom fell out of the pail, and at that moment Chiyono was set free!

In commmemoration, she wrote a poem:

In this way and that I tried to save the old pail
Since the bamboo strip was weakening and about to break
Until at last the bottom fell out.
No more water in the pail!
No more moon in the water!

[Anonymous No.17984663]

>>17980246
A bit cringe bro

[Anonymous No.17984760]

>>17984663
Why do normies react this way when confronted with the meaninglessness of life

[Anonymous No.17984763]

>>17980246
Read Hegel

[Anonymous No.17984779]

>>17984760
Why do attachment fags always get mad at normies for accepting their inevitable death.

[Anonymous No.17984782]

>>17984512
>The only reason the Buddha falls silent when it comes to the Self is that the Vedantic tradition was so corrupt at his time. All real masters have gone against the status quo of their time in some way. Brahmin bitches had made the Highest into something so ugly and despicable (happens with all religions, no?) that the soul HAD to be denied.
Also if you're interested in this particular aspect, investigate the Mahali Sutta in Digha Nikaya (believe it was the 5th or 6th Sutta in the collection). This is where Gotama specifically states that anyone who has attained higher states of understanding are no longer bothered by questions of self or no-self.

[Anonymous No.17984788]

>>17980246
Are you me?

[Anonymous No.17984855]

>>17984763
Currently reading PoS. What spiritual takeaways do you think it offers?

[Anonymous No.17984888]

>>17984855
To stop grasping for some "thing" to hold onto as being, and to deal with this illusory spectre of the "causal web" OP is talking about, because that's not how things actually work. I kind of see a type of occasionalism in Hegel regarding the movements of the Notion

[Anonymous No.17985215]

>>17984788
Yes
There is only one consciousness

[Anonymous No.17985252]

>>17984779
They don't accept death at all. They don't think about it, only talk about it.

[Anonymous No.17985273]

>>17980246
same but with an additional layer of self awareness that makes me cringe all the time for feeling this way

[Anonymous No.17985289]

>>17985252
exactly.

>>17984779
lmao normies shrug their shoulders and then go back to eating their fucking tacos dude, you're a clown

[Anonymous No.17985631]

sorry you're having a hard time anon
i think Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism might be helpful but also i recommend staying hydrated

[Anonymous No.17985816]

>>17985215
Sick of this shit. The fundamental paradox of “everything is one thing”. You already differentiated everything and separate things in the same sentence. It’s like saying oh yeah everything's made of elementary particles so that means you can’t differentiate a table from a rock. Get fucking real

[Anonymous No.17985885]

>>17985816
oh yah bro for sure i can describe the fundamentally non-dual nature of existence in words bro ahahaha i can use signs to point directly to the signified thereby establishing dualism and you can pick it up just like that haha
anon is gesturing at something that can't be described only experienced

[Anonymous No.17986069]

>>17980246
gotta say, these intros to "recc books for this intro" are getting crazier by a minute...
bro, seek help. im not even joking, get your shit together mate, fucking deal with life.. books will help you only if you will help yourself.
are you expecting someone to just tell you that one book which will convert you or some other idiocy? cause you know very well those authors got to those conclusions just as you can be at want to do - and then do!

want genuine advice?
read children fairy tales. and im not joking, they are short, easy to read but with nice language, pack hell of a punch of meaning and take you into a different world for a minute..
after you read that, start writing.. if you love books, you will love writing - organise your life by writing and snap out of whatever-the-shit makes you make these threads.

take care of yourself and so shall God take care of you

[Anonymous No.17986095]

>>17985885
based retard i myself am a monist but saying it cant be described in words is ridiculous. i guess all of philosophy must be moot then because you took acid

[Anonymous No.17986642]

>>17985631
>i think Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism might be helpful
thanks

>>17986069
thanks anon-bro

[Anonymous No.17986654]

youre just a pussy

[Anonymous No.17986660]

>wall of text of 2 cent shower thoughts
>something something books tacked on at the end
fuck this board

[Anonymous No.17986683]

>>17980246
I think you’re a sad faggot, but everyone is a sad faggot at one point or another.

You can do well to learn how to live. Unironically, Jordan Peterson is a fine first step. Humans desire social connection and goals. When you have those you’re going to be better off.