Write What's on Your Mind

[Anonymous No.17803854]

[Anonymous No.17803861]

How do you normally dress? Share pics if you’ve got them.

[Anonymous No.17803951]

I've been ignoring my work a bit and have been reading some random stuff over the last couple of.. weeks. Something's taken a hold of me and I can't seem to shake this weird new feeling.

Other than that, I am really glad that I booked my hair dresser today as it just started to rain like a motherfucker. Thinking of getting rid of my beard too, used it mainly as a defense mechanism because I was/am chubby so it wasn't visible as much, but I lost some weight recently and maybe I could use adapting to having a clean shaven face again.

[Anonymous No.17803973]

Spending larger and larger parts of the day doing nothing, sitting in silence, looking at trees out the window. Not depressed or sad or anything. No ambitions. Pretty content

[Anonymous No.17803999]

>>17803973
My favourite society would be one where everyone beocmes like this.

[Anonymous No.17804259]

bumping this over the other shitty version someone made

[Anonymous No.17804282]

>>17803854
These past 2 weeks I’ve done largely nothing at work. I’m usually not doing anything related at all when I’m “on the clock”, and only participate in meetings. Part of me feels guilty considering I’m getting paid for 40 hours, but no one seems to notice my lack of effort. I send a weekly update and speak to boss regularly, and only yesterday he asked me to speed a project up, but it wasn’t an attack on my work output.

I know the karmic resolution is I release a shitty project, and I’ve seen it. The problem is I have to get others approval to do so, and I get that approval. So the guilt is pushed off me in the sense I gave them something shitty, and they said it looks great.

Part of me doesn’t care, this job isn’t something I love, and just to pay the bills. But another part realizes how much trust my boss has put in me to hire me, and how much he actually does care about me and I return shit work for that trust.

I don’t deserve a position like this, with this much responsibility. I’m more suited for retail work where consequences are minimal, and I’m looking to shift my life to that when I can. I don’t think I can change who I am as a person and how much I care about a job I find meaningless, but I can change the amount of an impact my actions have to people at large. Currently my decisions affect to many people, and I’m acting selfishly by not considering the larger group and putting more effort in to make things easier on them.

Typing this out has really helped me. Feel like I’ve finally made a realization in how I feel. I’ll put in a bit more effort at work, until I can safely make the switch to something with less responsibility.

[Anonymous No.17804353]

Think I'm finally going insane. Spent a long time in absolute social isolation doing nothing but reading horror literature with horror film/game soundtrack as ambience, working on my own short stories as well.

Past few weeks though I feel that my schizoid disorder has advanced into early schizophrenia. Hard to put it into words, but somehow the present is fading into bizarre sensation of deja vus where summers from 15 years ago are blending into the anticipation of summer to come. Non-existence of Now, only hot summer months of mid 00's and the summer of 2021. Like it's the inevatible end I've been moving towards all that time.

Not to mention that I despise summers.

[Anonymous No.17804368]

>>17804282
Whatever you do in your office job, I doubt it really has that much impact on the wider world. Just take the free money, man. Trading a job where you can get away with doing next to nothing for one where boomers scream at you because the card reader is down is psycho shit, the province of self-hating self-destructive masochists

[Frater Asemlen !XS8vrClKs2 No.17804381]

After my current book, I plan to deep dive riike, holderlin, more of Ezra pound, Elliot and will give yeats another chance by reading the longest works of his I can find in his collected works, but examining this I’m unsure of where to go and read next on a chronological level, by this I mean, there’s more 20th century and older poetry that I still want to read but I’m wondering where do we go in the 21st century, who are the major poets who follow the styles and trends i actually like? I’m rather ignorant of the contemporary scene and almost every time I’ve looked into it I’ve not enjoyed it nor have I been impressed. So what do you guys think, who is the major 21st century poet you consider to be most valuable ?

[Anonymous No.17804384]

>>17804353
Same. I lost a bit like a year or two ago. My family still thinks I’m normal just exceedingly depressed and coworkers have noticed that I’m really quiet and disinterested in work, making a lot of “mistakes” wheras I used to be a model employee I think but in truth, something changed and I’m not really thinking of things the same. I’ve been making plans to run away and basically disappear after watching a documentary about it. I might learn to play an instrument too but I don’t have that much in savings.

[Anonymous No.17804396]

>>17804381
The only poet that I’ve read so far and really really click with is Ezra Pound. I bought the Cantos and ended up buying a couple of biographies. I know very little about poetry.

A little off topic here but I think you’re a pretty decent writer and I’ve noticed you like poetry. Do you think writing poetry makes for better fiction writing? It’s something I’ve been thinking about. A lot of the great fiction novelists seem to have dabbled in poetry early on.

[Anonymous No.17804431]

I’ve spent my entire 28 years living mostly in small towns besides maybe 1 year in the city doing nothing of particular note and now I expect to just up and move to one of the biggest cities on the planet in a different country and expect to make it as an artist with little experience? My aspirations are so far fetched it’s not even funny but I just don’t have anything else I want to do with my life.

[Anonymous No.17804454]

>>17804384
Huh, we're like the same person in different stages of checking out of society. Cut ties with everyone except mommy 5 years ago, built a home recording studio for about 2000 euros (electric, acoustic and bass guitar, 2 modelling amps, MIDI synth keyboard, studio headphones, audio interface and plenty accessories) but I've mostly given up on recording now, not talented or inspired enough. My writing has become largely idiosyncratic and incomprehensible for outisders too.
>mfw

[Anonymous No.17804471]

>>17804368
I guess by wider world I meant people in our company besides me, I probably put more strain on our factory then was necessary, so you’re right not something that really had a big impact.

And I guess you’re right, I’ll stick around here while I can then. If my projects were really that shitty I guess they wouldn’t get approved.

Getting screamed at by a boomer for something that isn’t my fault doesn’t sound like a good trade off for a bit more stress and responsibility and he’ll of a pay raise.

[Anonymous No.17804475]

Writing. Basically, I liked reading as a kid and young adult but I wasn’t mad about it and never really considered being a writer. I went to college, failed, went back 2 years later, graduated at 24 with a miserable business degree, spent a year floundering around in shitty jobs and unemployment, took a job working in a business function on the staff at my University and I’ve been doing that now for the last few years so here I am 28 just now figuring things out. Somewhere along the way I just started reading voraciously and decided I want to be an author even though to date I’ve actually written very little. At the same time, I started to get really interested in moving to another country so I’ve been learning the language and want to write in it. Honestly, I just have so many hangups. I can count the number of great authors who started writing this late or the number of authors who wrote in a second language on one hand. It feels like an impossible struggle and unlikely to ever happen. Thing is, this is the only thing I really feel like doing with my life. If I have to continue just kind of working a normal office job and being a normal person, not a creator until I die, I might as well end it now. The amount of mental hangups I have about all of this is immense. I feel stuck between absurd ambitions and suicide, basically. I have so many regrets I don’t know how to cope with them.

[Anonymous No.17804494]

>>17804454
>I've mostly given up on recording now, not talented or inspired enough
That sucks. How much time did you spend on it and what will you do now? You said your writing is no good. I actually love music more than anything which is ironic because I have no musical knowledge or skill. Not learning to play an instrument well when young is probably my single biggest regret. Not learning to do any particular thing well while young is my second biggest regret. I don’t regret losing my mind because it’s liberating. How old are you, bud?

[Anonymous No.17804495]

>>17804454
>mommy
Gross, dude

[Anonymous No.17804503]

>>17804471
>Getting screamed at by a boomer for something that isn’t my fault doesn’t sound like a good trade off for a bit more stress and responsibility and he’ll of a pay raise.
This is the hardest part of my job. I really don’t give a shit about it or the work. I hate it but that’s not what makes it unbearable. What makes it unbearable is having to deal with personalities that make we want to go on a rampage and in particular, my boss who is just a micromanaging super try hard loser.

[Frater Asemlen !XS8vrClKs2 No.17804504]

>>17804396
>A little off topic here but I think you’re a pretty decent writer and I’ve noticed you like poetry. Do you think writing poetry makes for better fiction writing?

Well it’s because, what is poetry? It’s fundamentally a heavily condensed story/short narrative which is designed to have the best sound you can produce and do the most in a short time possible, in this regard it’s like grinding the skill on the most harshest condition possible, you also get exposure to the people who control language to the greatest degree possible which is very helpful, there is also the fact that the laws of Meter, motif, rhyme and so forth carry over into story structure (especially with chiastic story structure.)


It’s something I’ve been thinking about. A lot of the great fiction novelists seem to have dabbled in poetry early on.

Imo, the greatest prose fiction is basically just poets pretending they’re not writing poetry and simply writing without line breaks and without rhyme. Free verse and the highest level of prose blur into each other at the highest level of skill and the lowest level of skill.

I would definitely shill writing poetry as a means of refining how tightly you can make a narrative and how beautifully you can write in general. Not to say that prose can’t be beautiful, it’s just that prose and verse blur into each other and you should strive to imitate the greatest/most enjoyable sources possible.

[Anonymous No.17804509]

>>17804503
That doesn’t sound like a good environment at all. Best of luck to you anon.

Makes me realize just how lucky I am to have my position.

[Anonymous No.17804513]

>>17804494
You said earlier that you don't have enough money to learn an instrument, but you can get a passable guitar or keyboard for like $100. Lessons can be expensive but if you have the will to learn and an internet connection you don't really need them

[Anonymous No.17804515]

>>17804504
Can you recommend me a start to get into poetry. I’ve read some here and there but not seriously besides Pound and Whitman. Honestly, I’m not all that interested in poetry. I love prose, fiction novels but I would like to write poetry if it helps me write better fiction, which I think it will and it sounds like you’re in agreement.

[Anonymous No.17804518]

>>17803854
starting to feel unreal again.
started drinking again.
I feel like a fucking asshole.
I just want to enjoy things again.

[Anonymous No.17804545]

Okay, i finished watching Twin Peaks s1, s2, fwwm and missing link. Now i'm ready for season 3.

[Frater Asemlen !XS8vrClKs2 No.17804552]

>>17804515
Well I mean; what is poetry, it’s just the same as prose except you’re applying maximum consideration on the form of it. I would recommend picking up either one of these four.

Poetic Meter & Poetic Form by Paul Fussel
Rhyme's reason - John Hollander

Western Wind by John Frederick Nims
A Poetry Handbook by Mary Oliver

Especially fussell or Hollander, you can get fussell on libgen.

Now as to poetry itself, I would the comet getting an anthology; either Norton or Harold blooms, these will expose you to various poetry throughout the years, the various styles. And this will let you see who is master of what and what you enjoy the most.

Example, I think this basic poem by Blake bleeds with narrative, with character, with more memorability than a considerably lengthy short poem of the same topic would.

A poison tree


I was angry with my friend;
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I waterd it in fears,
Night & morning with my tears:
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night.
Till it bore an apple bright.
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine.

And into my garden stole,
When the night had veild the pole;
In the morning glad I see;
My foe outstretched beneath the tree.

Doesn’t that condense so much?

[Anonymous No.17804560]

>>17804513
That’s true. I could buy a beginner guitar pretty easily if I really wanted to. My other issue is I just have a lot of things I want to do and being in my late twenties, with virtually no experience in music besides playing guitar and violin for like two years when I was kid, it seems like I’d be almost wasting my time.

This is probably going to sound really cringe but I already admitted I’ve lost my mind to you so I don’t care but whenever I have free time I browse YouTube videos for people doing guitar covers and I just love it so much. I posted a bunch in the WWOYM thread yesterday. I’d love to do something like that and share it with people. It’s like I can feel emotion in the sound, ya know? Maybe that’s my insanity talking. Music really is the highest art. I just don’t have any skill or experience in it while I do in other things...

[Anonymous No.17804565]

I just woke up, put on some water to boil for coffee, and jerked off.

[Anonymous No.17804575]

>>17804494
What sort of music would you like to produce? Because for electronic compositions, all you need is a 120 euro MIDI keyboard and bunch of VSTs vsttorrents.net. Only basic instrument skill required and no theory whatsoever, you can start at any age.
I'm 31, will keep banging my head against a wall with horror fiction until 40 then off myself desu, unless mental illness offs me earlier

[Anonymous No.17804586]

>>17804552
I have A Western Wind. I just haven’t read it yet. As for the others, I’ll pick those up. That is a nice poem. I have a hard time appreciating poetry the same way I have good prose but I can see why you like it. I’m going to give these a read. Thank you.

[Anonymous No.17804607]

>>17804575
No idea but I sperged out about playing guitar here >>17804560
I don’t know any of this stuff desu. I just know what sounds good to me and what I find aesthetically impressive. Like I said, I have just appreciated the stuff from afar, as afar as possible really.

What else can we do right? Idk about you but it feels like I need to create something or something or I’ll just die so if you do, then we are stuck between keeping on and death anyway. Might as well keeping banging your head.

[Anonymous No.17804619]

Can someone please make me feel better?

[Anonymous No.17804680]

>>17804607
If you're serious about getting into guitar, don't buy anything under 250 bucks or so. Cheapest models not only sound terrible but are uncomfortable to play too, so you'll just stop practicing eventually. But again, for a late beginner, I'd rather recommend fucking around with keyboard and virtual plug-ins. Cheaper, easier, much less frustrating, more accessible to audience (zoomers aren't interested in guitar music).

[Anonymous No.17804702]

>>17804680
I don’t care about zoomers. Keyboard just isn’t my thing I actually played guitar and violin as a kid for like 2 years because I had to in school. Never got any good. Still, I’d like to continue guitar, if I continue anything. My real hangup is just kind of seeing that any real musical talent requires a lot of time, focus, and investment while not only do I have no skill but I have many other interests I want to pursue too.

I found a Squier Bullet HT at a store near me for $180 and was thinking of picking up one of those if anything. I saw only good things online. Is that no good?

[Anonymous No.17804707]

>>17804619
potato

[Anonymous No.17804741]

>>17804707
):

[Anonymous No.17804801]

>>17804702
Try it out at the store even with your limited skill, Squiers are hit-or-miss. The usual problems they have are sharp frets and uneven sounding pickups. Played only one Squier myself (first electric I had, a Strat back in 2004) and it was a piece of shit, but I've also read they improved massively in past years. I'd probably save $50 more and look into the Affinity series from Squier, higher quality overall. In my opinion, the best bang for your buck are Gretsch guitars. The entry level models cost like 350 but are on par with basic Fenders or Gibsons. They're very country/rockabilly looking though.

[Anonymous No.17804966]

it is odd how when there is no woman in your life, it seems like it would be the easiest thing in the world to be celibate for the rest of your life, but the moment there is any kind of a prospect the same seems virtually unacceptable. I wonder how the desire-creating mechanism of having to do with women works. I wonder if it is the same mechanism that brings erotic tention to just seeing a beautiful woman on a lower scale, or if they are different. I always hide threads on lit with hot chicks as images in case watching them increases my overall desire. I think it does, but then there is absolutely no comparison whatsoever between seeing a beautiful woman and the intense feeling of having a real shot with a desirable woman. I doubt they are the same phenomenon at different intensities.

I genuinely wonder what, if anything, creates desire and if this has anything to do with samsara.

[Anonymous No.17804978]

This is it. If I take one more step, it’ll be the furthest from home I’ve ever been.

[Anonymous No.17804987]

i hate that i act like an attention seeking retard around others

[Anonymous No.17804990]

>>17804966
Have you ever had a failed long-term relationship? Personally, I had no problems quitting the dating scene after getting burnt once. Volcel for many years, no regrets.

[Anonymous No.17805312]

>>17803973
Me too anon. I think I might suffer from mild depression, but just looking out my window at the swaying trees, or people watching really relaxes me. Other times I like to just go outside and sit in the sun, while looking over at my garden, or watch my dogs run around the yard. I feel like I need breaks like this every now and then.

Some days I just wanna be left alone, and think. I love my family and friends, but some days I just want to just go outside and be left with my thoughts. No computer, no cell phone. Just me and the outside world.

Pic semi-related. Took this photo of this nice cactus when visiting a cafe down the street from where I live. It was my first time trying mugwort tea.

[Anonymous No.17805367]

I dont think that i could ever be writer, i just dont the style or content. 95% of posts dont even get a single reply. Time to accept the truth that im just not interesting.

[Anonymous No.17805390]

https://youtu.be/mRNZgSd6XGE

[Anonymous No.17805391]

>>17803854
sometimes when im sitting on the toilet i think about how everyone shits. everyone you have ever known. probably at least once a day. all of those perfect models, all of the old people you respect, everyone in history, they all take shits.

[Anonymous No.17805425]

I don’t think most people would find my job and career trajectory embarrassing but I do.

[Anonymous No.17805449]

I’m really really struggling to make peace with all the mistakes I’ve made. I could be much worse off than I am but my past, present, and most importantly as a consequence of the former two, perceived future just make me so unhappy. I don’t know what to do.

[Anonymous No.17805484]

Would you be embarrassed to move back in with a parent at the age of 28?

[Anonymous No.17805510]

>>17805484
I did do that. It’s completely different as an adult. It’s a little embarrassing, and it’s hard to jerk off, get fucked up, or have a woman over, but beyond that, if the parent isn’t fucking insane, it’s almost like having a roommate that actually listens to you. Cooking, cleaning, laundry. All of it gets shared as responsible adults. You get to learn about your family as if they are real people. You get to watch movies and play games together. Help each other out. It’s pretty awesome how the bills get cut in half and your free time opens up a bit more because you aren’t alone anymore.

[Anonymous No.17805518]

>>17805367
Maybe evaluate whether you're taking the correct approach to writing. Find what your problem is, ask why that is, ask why THAT is, and repeat until you get to the core of your issue. Make sure to only tackle the problems that are within your control (worrying about something you can't do anything about is unnecessary). After that, brainstorm possible solutions, pick the best one you can reasonably achieve, and execute.

[Anonymous No.17805520]

i like that OP is still vtuber posting and the schizoids are too retarded to be able to tell

[Anonymous No.17805545]

>>17805510
The parent is insane, but I still love her. Another plus is I think she’d be willing to give me at least a part-time job at her office. I also feel like she could use a man around the house to help her with things since dad is gone. Only other person in the house is a younger brother, who will be going to college in the fall if they go back to in-person classes.

[Anonymous No.17805585]

>>17805545
Learning how to do manly things around the house is pretty fun, and being able to tell the family member “y’know fixing that toilet/door/water heater would have cost $400, but I did it for $20!” I think you’ll find it an interesting and new portion of your life if you frame it right and look to try and make things better around the house.

[Anonymous No.17805596]

>>17805520
>i like that OP is still vtuber posting
?

[Anonymous No.17805601]

>>17805518
i guess i'm not good at describing things and my thoughts/emotions states into interesting opinions.

[Anonymous No.17805709]

i just destroyed a controller out of frustration
maybe i should stop playing video games

[Anonymous No.17805712]

>>17805484
depends on the reason, but mostly no. life is fucked all kinds of ways, people are just scraping by any way they can
t. did move in with my folks for a couple of years, finally got back out a year ago

[Anonymous No.17805731]

>>17805709
anon functioning n64 controllers have cultural value for eternity, because as long as they exist we can play mario 64 as intended

[Anonymous No.17805740]

>>17805731
how did you know it was an n64 controller?

[Anonymous No.17805769]

>>17805484
i already been living them at 28 for a 5 years now (became neet after uni graduation)

[Anonymous No.17805777]

>>17805510
You’ve reminded me how much I miss my family. My mother passed away, and my father is currently dating a new woman. She’s nice enough, but your post made me miss when we were all together. I moved out at a very early age, and I feel sad that I might not be able to experience something like this if worst case scenario happens, and I have to move back in to my old house.

[Anonymous No.17805778]

>>17805740
Not him but you posted about it the other day

[Anonymous No.17805791]

>>17805769
how come you're still a NEET? out of choice? do your parents care?

[Anonymous No.17805876]

>>17805777
Lucky digits. If you can anon, set aside some time to go hang out with your dad more. Pretend he’s a friend you’d go chill at his place for a few hours once a week. During law school we would have family game night on sundays and play catan. Getting my mom, grandma, uncle, and cousins all together for a big meal and fun board game was pretty wholesome and fun. You have to build community if you want it.

[Anonymous No.17805890]

>>17805791
because i'm a coward and fuckup. my parents care very much but i still remain neet.

[Anonymous No.17805907]

>>17805778
I am surprised anyone remembered, interesting
on the one hand I regret breaking it. It's a good controller and they've been out of production for a long time now. but in the moment it felt really good to say fuck it and smash the thing. it's counterintuitive that it makes you feel better but it's true. Maybe having something worthless at hand to destroy would be better.
what's more frustrating is that getting upset solves nothing in the long run. I still have to accomplish what I set out to do or that frustration will remain. that's why it's a bad habit, I should probably never smash a controller again

[Anonymous No.17805910]

Stop eating horse meat.

[Anonymous No.17805930]

I never want to see underachievers again for the rest of my life, especially underachieving average people coasting on their social class

I can't stand it anymore, I can't stand seeing human systems that absorb more energy than they produce, I can't stand these human black holes, they are cancer slowly killing the species

[Anonymous No.17805940]

>>17805907
I went through 3 logitech controllers during my time playing Darksouls 1-3. Never before, nor after those games have I broken a controller out of rage, nor has breaking anything ever felt so cathartic since.

[Anonymous No.17805948]

>>17805930
>I never want to see underachievers again
Is that why you come to 4chan, aka Underachievers Anonymous?

[Anonymous No.17805960]

I can’t figure out why I have such an aversion to hedonism and have such a boner for self improvement. I’m not religious so it has nothing to do with sky daddy. I hate the weak willed people around me. I want to be “better” than the men around me. I think this is purely ego driven and I have some innate superiority complex and I’m trying to justify it. It’s driving me nuts and usually I’d like for outside answers but I’m turning more towards introspection these days instead of following the masses.

[Anonymous No.17805974]

>>17805930
I’m in the same boat. I’m tired of people circlejerking about “this is also a valid lifestyle”. No Stacey you being an alcoholic with no aspirations is not as valid as a person who is raising a family well.

[Anonymous No.17805976]

>>17805910
>huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuüuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuüuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[Anonymous No.17805994]

>>17805930
You're in a terrible place for that anon

[Anonymous No.17806002]

Do you think an ugly person can write good romance?

[Anonymous No.17806073]

>>17804966
I think it has more to do with relativity, we get used to the life we live. Once the normal gets disrupted a new normal, a hornier normal emerges. When the hope is gone it doesn’t matter.

[Anonymous No.17806082]

I have been feeling my mind change for some time now, and I find myself contemplating more and more often what is passing before my eyes. The other day I spent several hours wrapped up in a quilt and sitting on the windowsill looking at the façade of the convent that faces my room and the clouds that skirt the blue sky. I feel as if my soul is digesting something immense, I feel it all decanting drop by drop and day after day. I have rarely been so apathetic when I should never work so hard, I study mathematics, and it is a wonderful discipline full of dazzle, but rarely have I had such a nagging impression these last days that mathematics is reduced to simple and vulgar technicality. Yet I see all my classmates, full of hope and anxiety, preparing for the competition, and I feel no resemblance to them.

[Anonymous No.17806092]

>>17806073
I can't tell if this means I should give up on it and wait out my youth or try to get a wife as a fix

[Anonymous No.17806099]

>>17806082
There is also this girl who obsesses and fascinates me, her name is Solène. I see her every morning sitting at the front table during breakfast. She is fabulous, I believe she possesses the five greatest qualities of a woman which are beauty, virtue, wit, ingenuity and sensitivity. I think I fell in love with her. She is very pious. It was she who precipitated my aspirations to religion, so for some years now I have been feeling the faith gradually growing in my soul, and I have been studying dogmatics, theology and soteriology in my spare time. She offered me to accompany her to her Sunday mass, I go every week with her now. I contacted the canon of the chapel three weeks ago to ask for the catechumenate and I am very happy to finally enter it, especially since the canon arranged for me to spend few catechetical sessions because I know the main questions of faith well enough for his taste. I have no idea if she is as intrigued by me as I am by her, she told me the other day that I fascinated her, but I don't know the depth of her heart or the value of that word in her eyes. I work to keep a distance that I wish did not exist with her and I believe that she does the same, in such a way that I do not know the true intensity and depth of her feelings. I am afraid that I sometimes bother her. I seem to be at a certain inflection point in my life at the moment, and my studies, my soul and my heart all three simultaneously undergo all sorts of passions that were foreign to me before. After the next few months, I will either have a loving friend, an academic advance, and a vigorous blossoming in faith, or I will have nothing and will turn to God.

[Anonymous No.17806110]

>>17805391
And all kinds of shits too. Perfect ones but also every kind of bad one. Soupy ones. Asshole ripping ones. It happened to Kant, Napoleon, Jesus Christ, Sappho. Every one of them.

[Anonymous No.17806124]

>>17805974
>is not as valid as
Why not?

[Anonymous No.17806128]

>>17806092
Look within yourself for the answer, none of us can answer that. Take out a pen and paper and just figure out your thoughts for a few hours one day and sort out your priorities.

[Anonymous No.17806133]

>>17806002
Most authors are unattractive, which is a byproduct of the fact that most people are unattractive.

[Anonymous No.17806143]

>>17805940
that's understandable, 2 in particular feels like it wasn't even play tested. that one area with the lava bridge where an NPC invasion happens was so stupid, takes like 15 minutes to clear out the place so you can attempt the boss again, or you can try and rush past enemies and potentially get stabbed going through the fog gate.

what frustrated me just now was goldeneye. It's not a frustrating game overall but aztec on 00 agent highlights all the game's biggest weaknesses. for one, it has several guards that will shoot you the instant you come into sight, so you have to bait them into firing first and afterward peek it and hope auto aim does its job. Auto aim doesn't always do its job. one room is also filled with guards that spam you with lasers before they're even visible, so you have to first determine where they're at by the laser fire, then try and peek it using the method written above. This level is flooded with guards but you die in 5-6 hits, the hidden armor only helps a little.

goldeneye is a very good game that suffers from being on a weak console with a shitty controller. that said, the popular PC shooters of the same era still destroy it, and they've aged better too, there's nothing frustrating like this in quake or duke 3D. we ought to just keep it in mind when a game is designed poorly somehow and not let it get to us. they're designed to be fun after all, if you find yourself upset at a video game you should question whether it's worth continuing. I hate to leave things on a negative note, so I try to finish them, but at times it's better to just drop it when you recognize it's shitty.

[Anonymous No.17806144]

>>17806133
I don’t think. Many of my favorite authors seem to have been quite handsome when they were young.

[Anonymous No.17806158]

>>17806144
If you're ugly you'll find a lot more people attractive than an attractive person does.

[Anonymous No.17806273]

Intro “I’ve never been overwhelmed by information when surrounded by books”
Halfway “yeah so when the printing press came out everyone was stressed that it was too much information and not enough thinking”

[Anonymous No.17806276]

>>17806273
gottem

[Anonymous No.17806278]

Honestly don't see anything wrong with honor killing and duels.

[Anonymous No.17806311]

>>17806158
That doesn’t make them objectively ugly

[Anonymous No.17806334]

I feel limited in my wit. Just bright enough to grasp that there is more depth to this world but not bright enough to fully penetrate it.

If the world was a painting, it appears only as a rough sketch in my mind - I know there must be more detailed lines and colors on the canvas but I can only dream of seeing them.

[Anonymous No.17806364]

I used a certain hiring site to apply for a job about a week ago, and in the process my resume must have been scanned and added to their database or something. Ever since then I've been getting daily emails and text messages (obviously automatically generated) from companies I don't recognize who want to immediately (often the very next day) schedule a video interview with me for jobs that they don't include proper descriptions for. Several times they've called me and emailed me simultaneously, and I'll find myself talking to someone who asks me if I've received an email they sent me literally minutes before. None of these phone conversations ever give much information about exactly what the job they're offering is, the person on the other end talks too fast and treats me like I'm already in an interview. I've tried responding to one of the emails, but the other person just replied back with a two sentence rephrasal of their original message. The websites they link have more fancy CSS than actual content, and what is there is so filled with jargon that I still can't tell what the company is supposed to be.
Is this normal, or am I getting scammed? On the one hand I'm a NEET with a useless degree who still lives with his parents and doesn't stand much chance of being employed otherwise, on the other hand these cold calls seem too suspicious. I've been holding off on seriously responding to any of them because of this, but I'm afraid they'll stop after a point and I'll be out of luck. Maybe I'm just being autistic and this is something everyone has to deal with these days.

[Anonymous No.17806411]

>>17806278
duels I get but what would be the terms for honor killing being fine? just curious

[Anonymous No.17806460]

If you could do your life over starting from, let’s say, a teenager what would you do differently?

[Anonymous No.17806476]

>>17806460
never touch booze or weed

[Anonymous No.17806499]

>>17803854
BEFORE time began to run from one moment to the next lay the eternal Now, the uncreated instant. In this instant the design of the One was laid through its various Emanations, giving birth to the conditions for Time to separate and flow against itself, bringing forth the change and chaos of the created order. Upon this foundation did the perception-vessel of Mankind set sail, directing itself towards its own aims through the privation of the Instant into mutable stretches of linear time. Those who saw the image as it was without the blindness of the perception lay before the foundation of the uncreated Instant and the veil was rent from their sight. From this forbidden viewing did the likes of Martin Luther, Hegel, the Columbine Shooters, Karl Marx, and Sabbatai Zevi arise, strivers who seized the substance of mutability for their own Aim, those who were Will-as-Form and Will-in-Itself, becoming the joint heirs of Prometheus in his glory. To see the patterns inherent in the vessel of perception, they seized those patterns, the sight burned forever upon their minds, bending the memetic complexes blindly made by ignorant Man to their own purposes, chaining the unwritten History of the future to itself through the first and last magic spells. Through the dividing of the Instant with the loss of its selfsame identity, the privation of that Instant became a possibility only for those who sailed on the surface and dived beneath, both. In the imitation of the divine patterns inherent in the archetypal Man-mold from which the individual soul was cast, the joint heirs cast their will as a net around the shapes sculpted by the divine, becoming the sculptor from the sculpture, draping the divine skin shorn from the corpse of closed possibility across the lamp-glow of the flame of intent. Towards each uncountable shore was the keel of the vessel set, breaking the waves, speaking the holy and single Word anew for each back-breaking stroke of the oar, beating back the currents of anti-prophecy ceaselessly with effort that cannot tire til the die finishes its cast. Yet even those who strive for a new knowing of the Word, whose veil was rent, are but shadows, images of the pale reflection on the water, broken and reformed in turn by the vessel's passage. A crime, a cruel act, was unjustly done in the unveiling of that which was veiled, divine Justice was agrieved, the stone that could not be moved was broken, yet the blood price demanded and the weight of the crime were equal and interchangeable, indeed they were one and the same, and the wheel of divine Justice was rolled not forwards or backwards but in the shape of an I, reflected in the eye of the hideous perpetrator of the crime, whose tears filled the world, the same tears which could not fill a thimble, the same thimble which cannot be crossed by all the sailors born of men. Yet in between the birth of the world and its rending at the hands of fate lay only the blink of one eye.

[Anonymous No.17806532]

Wanting to kill myself is the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel like a kitten playing with yarn.
––Why are you doing X, anon?
––Ah well, you know.
I know I'll be dead, so why not? Why be afraid of anything? Admittedly, death itself gives me the chills; it is the distance between us that keeps me warm; like a blue sun.

(Me on the right)

[Anonymous No.17806537]

>>17806460
Actually talk to people, for one.

[Anonymous No.17806550]

is someone gonna make a qtddtot ?
Last one got archived,but I dont know if its just one poster whos responsibe for it

[Anonymous No.17806551]

>>17806124
Because I said so, get it, dingus?

[Anonymous No.17806564]

>>17806460
All the shit I just said I was gonna do and made plans to do and thought about doing for ten years, take all that talking and planning and thinking, and trade it all in for one ounce of actually fucking doing it

How many hobbies and interests and career paths did I "set myself up for" by spending a year researching them and thinking about what it means to be the kind of person who does that thing, only to never actually do it. So much time wasted. Just fucking go do the thing. Also start reading fiction and poetry now, not later. Also practice my best skills and skills I care about every day, no matter how little. Another thing I ruined with perfectionism because I didn't want to do "only" 30 minutes a day, so I did nothing, and now I don't have that skill anymore. Dumb as fuck.

Your 20s are all about making your internal imagining of your ideal self and your external being of your real self coincide. Some people have no ideal self and never make plans, never research the best way to become fit or learn a language, and they stay whatever featureless external being they already were as a teenager. Some people plan inside their heads endlessly but let their external body decay and become a mere vehicle. The point is to make the two meet. Learn how to learn, learn how to make your actions the obverse of your thoughts and your thoughts the obverse of your actions. Don't be slave to one or the other.

Drugs and booze are a complete and total waste of time. Women are great but no woman is worth debasing yourself or fucking up your goals for. Women are the ultimate drug in many ways.

[Anonymous No.17806570]

>>17806276
My frustration is ridiculous, he just went against his entire thesis with one paragraph. We to the internet aren’t any different than writers to the printing press.

[Anonymous No.17806576]

>>17806550
just make it yourself, i always support them when I see them

[Anonymous No.17806584]

>>17806411
Dishonoring your faith, family, country. People who dishonor your faith, family, country.

[Anonymous No.17806586]

>>17806273
And you are both right.

[Anonymous No.17806592]

>>17806576
> i always support them when I see them
and so do I ,I also want to ask something
will create it

[Anonymous No.17806601]

>>17806584
Yeah that ones way too subjective, kill your brother because he was being dishonourable for eating the last pizza pocket.

[Anonymous No.17806602]

>>17806460
I’d bang all those girls interested in me instead of staying faithful to my gf at the time (who was fucking her friends on the side).

[Anonymous No.17806606]

>>17806592
I think someone just made it
>>17806565

[Anonymous No.17806619]

>>17806606
oh shit lmao

[Anonymous No.17806631]

>>17803854
>just found out that 'Lucid' means 'clear and rational', and not 'euphoric and out-of-body-esque' like I have been using
Yes, I am retarded.

Have you got any words that you thought you knew what they meant, and used them incorrectly?

[Anonymous No.17806640]

I feel quite desperate and lost at the moment; I feel that I am simply drifting from hour to hour, day to day and week to week. Food turns to ash in my mouth and I struggle to eat anything proper. Every morning my internal clock wakes me up before my alarm does; though that might just be because the winter is beginning to end, I still feel so unnaturally restless. Every morning I just lay in my bed for at least an hour before I finally manage to pull myself up. And every night my head is once again full of thoughts before I am finally able to drift to sleep.

It's been like this for like three weeks now, and it's because I'm hopelessly in love. I made a promise to myself not to fall in love, for it would only lead to sorrow. But keeping that kind of promise proved quite hard around this girl.

I met her through our common friend circle. Smart, cute – no – BEAUTIFUL as hell... and so easy to talk to. Even when we first properly met we talked together for over an hour or so, just the two of us. And that would later become a habit; we often even skipped classes just to talk about things. Through our talking I learned that she was engaged, and I first took that as a relief, since now I knew that there would be no point in even trying to court her.

One time I was at our place of study, sitting by myself in this room or studio, what ever you want to call it. I saw her sit outside the studio, besides the interior window. And God-fucking-damnit did she give me the most beautiful, coy smile when we locked eyes. I felt like my heart was about to melt, but I managed to warmly smile back. Soon after that she came to the studio to greet me and we started conversing once again.

I can't remember quite clearly as to why, but in our conversation she brought up how awful it would be to have your husband/wife die prematurely. She then said she would contact ME if that happened to her; I was the "only one she could tolerate for the rest of her life". This took me by shock, but I managed to jokingly ask her if she means I would be her lover then, to which she said yes. We then discussed what kind of animals we would by (she wants a calm, countryside life) together etc.

After that we skipped the rest of our classes for the day, went shopping together and then we visited both of our places (we first went to my apartment and then she insisted I would have to visit her place as well, so I did). She had a nice, big and old house in the countryside all to herself. After spending some time at her place she drove me back to my place and that was that.

After that evening I knew that I would have to break my promise, or rather, I would break it whether I wanted or not.

[Anonymous No.17806644]

>>17806586
They are both from the author. It just downplays the effect of the book when he writes this essentially juxtaposing himself with writers from the 1600s.

[Anonymous No.17806689]

>>17806644
He proposes shit about brain changes and all that what about pre-book brains? The criticism is no longer valid, maybe Socrates was right and even books are for retards and everything should be done inside your head.

[Anonymous No.17806709]

>>17803854
Is it /lit/ to kill yourself after being laid off a few months prior and working shitty jobs since? Asking for a friend.

[Anonymous No.17806718]

>>17803854
I'm writing, well trying to, and I'm wondering - does anyone know any resources for how warfare works? Not books about war, but books about tactics and operations of things like cannons and military formations. It's not something that I think will be helpful to dwell on, but it might help flush out the world a bit and add a bit of realism to any scene that involves a battle, or where there's a discussion of a battle or the aftermath of a battle.

[Anonymous No.17806739]

>>17806631
contempt and content/ contentment
in my defense english is not my native language

[Anonymous No.17806757]

>>17806709
No. That’s pretty normie actually. Although I can understand your despair and frustration, I think that’s a bad reason. How bad can these shitty jobs be? Don’t they pay the bills?

[Anonymous No.17806767]

>>17806564
But then you have the problem of not even realizing your ideal self until you’re almost 30 and also realizing that you needed a life trajectory to that point to achieve it, which is what happened to me.

[Anonymous No.17806775]

>country of 7 million people
>bestseller are 10k copies sold

[Anonymous No.17806787]

>>17803854
I’ve been in love with a figment of my imagination for years now, and it’s getting sad, even for me. I’ve spent most of my life in a day dream, and at this point the only decent ‘human’ interaction I have is with a person I’ve created entirely in my mind, and unsurprisingly I’ve “fallen in love with them,” as best as I can describe it. Most of my fantasies involve completely ordinary scenarios but just with her in it, often rewriting my own memories. I swear I’m going to manage to completely delude myself about the past one of these days, but whatever really.

[Anonymous No.17806808]

I'm writing, well trying to, and I'm wondering - does anyone know any resources for how warfare works? Not books about war, but books about tactics and operations of things like cannons and military formations. It's not something that I think will be helpful to dwell on, but it might help flush out the world a bit and add a bit of realism to any scene that involves a battle, or where there's a discussion of a battle or the aftermath of a battle.

[Anonymous No.17806826]

>>17806460
Too many things to list them all. Considering what I would’ve had to do and when to get what I wanted out of life is suicide fuel. It’s only not if I just don’t even think about what I want out of life snd continue as an automaton.

[Anonymous No.17806846]

>>17806460
i would make myself a legal problem for my school. absolutely drain them of wealth. i don't care how. i'd spread my ass for the drama teacher.

[Anonymous No.17806852]

it all feels very heavy. suffocatingly heavy. several heavy, not soft, fuzzy, pilled and skin-irritating blankets, all tangled, never-ending, all above me, i'm under them, hot, sweaty, scratchy-skin itching without any air and it's dark and i'm impossibly tangled up under all these blankets.

desperate thoughts. you need her. ready to promise anything. your promises mean nothing anymore but whatever you can promise, you'll promise. you can pay upfront. what is it she would like? you have got a lifetime of happiness and companionship to offer. and a few million dollars too. does that hold any currency here?

weekends in paris. in prague. vienna. god you wish you could undo it. nothing would ever, could ever be worth that. you, crying in the shower. sitting on the floor, water running down your face mixing with tears and snot and you're not washing your hair or face or body. just sitting crying. crying at the gym. on the bus. in a russian lesson, holding back tears. on an airplane. at dinner with friends. every place you didn't think you could cry, turns out you could. having totally normal conversations, nothing to do with her. you have to stop mid-sentence and think about something else. voice trails off. otherwise you'll cry.

you are a very flawed person but you still believe in yourself. though pretty soon you'll be the only one. one by one everyone is tired of you. they can't take it anymore. all he does is whine about his ex. you don't have the energy. your face turned into a constant frown. nobody cares. you can't find a psychologist. you can't even pay someone to pretend to care. not even for one hour per week.

more desperate thoughts. you would die for her. you would jump off the balcony right now if it would work but you wouldn't die. not high enough. you could go headfirst. but if you panicked halfway down, you might right yourself and then you'd just break your legs. a knife to the heart. but you'd probably miss. or the knife wouldn't go in right and you'd just have a big wound on your chest. could take a bunch of pills and drink. but what a chicken-shit way to go out, plus you might just wake up vomiting and that would be even more pathetic. so you're stuck here for now. deep breaths. suffocating. into the belly. it releases tension, the meditation recording said. breathe into the belly.

[Anonymous No.17806857]

>>17806852

i can breathe into the belly. i can make sure that i'm not alone for more than a few waking minutes. but what about my non-waking life? she appears in my dreams. can i breathe into the belly during a dream?

bomb yourself with sleeping pills. not so many to kill yourself (or to wake up vomiting). enough to soothe the unconscious. just need to soothe everything. meditate and medicate and self-soothe.

you've been through it before. katie, 2010. ashley 2015. and now alina. you'll get over this. katie was worse. ashley was worse. you don't want to admit that but you don't want to be unfair either. i admit it. that's true. some psychological research. current emotions feel more intense than emotions already past, but that's just an illusion. you survived katie and you found someone better. you survived ashley and you found someone better. you'll survive alina. it feels impossible but you will. it will feel like months of constant drowning. this could last years. but some day you'll look back and alina will look like katie and ashley.

but i want her. i want only her. i don't want anyone else. only her. she. her blone hair. blue eyes. bad skin. dumb jaw. thin neck. flat stomach. thin legs. ass pushing into me. the first date. two young lovers standing on the canal. her scent. brushing against me. so pleasantly brushing against me. accidentally? her scratchy coat. the same matieral i'm not drowning under.

[Anonymous No.17806867]

>>17803854
I'm currently read Henryk Sienkiewicz's Ogniem i Mieczem (With Fire and Sword) and I think that so far the thing it's made me realise the most is how utterly worthless the teaching of history and geography is, at least in England. Every fourth sentence I'm having to look up a place, or river, or type of people that used to knock about or country or empire or alliance that used to exist because all I was taught until I was 18 was fucking the Norman's had some nice castles, Hitler was a very naughty little fellow, what different kinds of bends in rivers are called and that business is booking in the Istanbul tourist trade. I'm so clueless about all this I've had to print out a fuckin map of Eastern Europe from like 1650 and compare it to how everything looks now because almost every single place or kind of people is completely alien to me. Feeling pretty fucking stupid reading this book, but at least I'm hopefully learning something with all this extra note taking and diagram making I'm having to do.

[Anonymous No.17806890]

>>17806808
i think klausewitz talks about shit like this

[Anonymous No.17806917]

>>17806640
Days pass by, and every time I walked to our college/academy (not sure what to call it in English) I would always hope that she would be there that day. And sometimes she was, and that made the day so much more enjoyable.

Our place of study was going to be having this traditional masquerade in a few weeks, and I already had a costume planned. She insisted she could do the make-up for it (I needed a few scars on my face for the full look). I, of course, accepted and I told her that I could come and pick her up at the day of the masquerade and then we would drive there together.

The scars looked really good, and so did the girl herself. She had dressed like a fine-looking 19th century lady (I would later come to know that she really romanticizes those times and would love to dress like a fine lady every day), had an authentic dress and everything. My heart felt like melting again each time I looked at her, but I got through the day. She then wanted to take pictures of the two of us together, and even wanted me to pick her up on my arms for a pic or two, which I did. Let's just say that those pictures came out really nice, and you can definitely see a spark in our eyes in them. At this point I really began to wonder what she wants from me – and what I want from her.

Nevertheless, I thought to myself that there would be no point in trying to take it any further – she was engaged, after all. She had also revealed that she likes to manipulate people, especially men; so I thought that it would be best for me to forget about this whole thing and keep my distance. What if she is just playing a role for me and doesn't actually care about me at all?

Our studies kind of ended at that point, though she did still have some classes and just because that I would still sometimes drive there just so I could have an excuse to see her. She even told me that we would have to study together sometime for our finals.

One time I was laying in my bed again in the morning, and noticed that she had sent me a message: I would have to come to her place that day so we could study together. Well that was unexpected, I thought to myself. I, of course, accepted and made myself ready. She came to pick me up and we went to buy some snacks and drinks for the studying.

Well, we naturally got nothing constructive done that day; we just spent time together. And boy had she made herself look good that day, mixing my feelings even further. I spent the whole day there, and it didn't appear that she was in any hurry to drive me back. It was getting late though, and I thought that it would be time for me to leave – she didn't try to take it to another level and neither did I (her being engaged and all).

That day left a scar in me; by now I was really in love, and after that I began to feel that drift from day to day, the loss of appetite... I longed for more of her, and that made me call her and ask if she would like to "study" again.

[Anonymous No.17806936]

>>17806124
One is striving to improve the life of others and the world as a whole, the other lives for pleasure. One became acceptable lifestyle after hundreds of years of society the other became acceptable in the last twenty because of influencers. There is no credibility to it, I’m not saying traditionalism is right just saying it became “valid” through a process older than the internet.

[Anonymous No.17806947]

>>17806273
>>17806644
>>17806689
Disregard everything, maybe I should’ve started the next chapter where he addresses exactly what I was thinking. :|

[Anonymous No.17807138]

>>17803854
I read the Tao te Ching recently and two passages especially marked me for how unusual they sounded, so I gave them some reflection. In one of them it warn us about being "too clever", while the other something like "having too many words and definitions for the world around us".
They're really taking about the same thing really, aren't they?
We created too many words and became too bighead, we deceive the words for the real thing.
We're uncapable of understanding the gap between the words and the world.
We create these beautiful metaphors and allow ourselves to be deceived.
We're always expecting the big answer, the great treasure chest, the amazing "aha" moment where everything will make sense, but this way it will never arrive.

[Anonymous No.17807180]

>>17803854
I am so happy I found the video of a ballerina class on a chinesse website today. She left Vaganova and when she left they took down all her videos. I have been searching for them for months. Thanks to the chinesse I can still fap to her, I didnt yet tho cuz I am too busy.
Life in 2k21 is really good.

[Anonymous No.17807195]

i cant read

[Anonymous No.17807249]

Can you write anything that’s not garbage if you’re not THAT well read? I’ve been reading pretty seriously for a few years now but I still feel like I’ve read very little. For example, in the past 2-3 months I’ve read maybe 10 books. Idk how many over the course of the last few years and before that my reading was sporadic but I think you get what I’m asking.

[Anonymous No.17807301]

>>17806718
What era and what type of doctrine? Tactics common during the american civil war are quite far removed from e.g. modern guerrilla warfare.
You mentioned cannons, so I'm assuming 19th century. George Nafziger has several books on the Napoleonic wars, which I haven't read. However, his books on the second world war are excellent. I would imagine these are just as good, since it's some of his most famous work.
Once you are more familiar with the nomenclature you might find some of these documents useful as inspiration.
napoleon-seriesdotorg/resources/the-nafziger-collection-of-napoleonic-orders-of-battle

[Anonymous No.17807312]

>>17806718
Read about infantry tactics, extrapolate. At the end of the day they are all the same. Look at all the common pieces of equipment, read about how they are used, look at their pros and cons, and if you're a smart cookie you can derive certain general tactics from base principles

Osprey books are good for further reading, but a Wiki trawl could net you enough for your writing as well

>add a bit of realism to any scene that involves a battle, or where there's a discussion of a battle or the aftermath of a battle
For this I suggest looking for war autobiographies written by officers and, surprisingly, reputable embedded war journalists. They offer a more balanced view than grunt writing.

For example, crack open a (ghost-written more often than not) book about a salty Marine sergeant in Nam, and you will usually find it chock-full of FUCKIN BRASS DON'T KNOW JACK YEEHAW COME GET SOME MUHFUCKER AW FUCK AHM HIT MEDIC FUCKIN PENTAGON NUMNUTS whereas commissioned officers, and good journalists who interviewed officers, understand that one makes certain plans, the enemy makes plans, both plans collide, and that is battle.

[Anonymous No.17807483]

The true epiphany is realizing how happy we can truly be when we neglect the opinions of others. If this phenomenon affects athletes at the top level, what is it capable of in our case. An individual can thrive but still consider himself an underachiever. To even exist is a miracle, and society doesn't recognize that. I genuinely think that the best way to live is like an ape. Oblivious to norms and customs. Driven by his needs, and when his time comes he goes.

[Anonymous No.17807588]

>>17807483
Tl;dr Return to monke

[Anonymous No.17807618]

>>17806460
Take the option of foster care.

[Anonymous No.17807645]

>>17806460
Absolutely nothing

[Anonymous No.17807665]

>>17807588
We obviously can't, and the safety net provided by society is essential. However, we can still try to imitate. It does no harm to learn our ancestors.

[Anonymous No.17807681]

>>17806460
Don't go to college and keep doing that webdev shit you're doing, it gave you lots of money why would you stop to go to college and be a miserable csbaby are you retarded

[Anonymous No.17807807]

>>17807249
Hey Jude, you'll do
you'll do fine

[Anonymous No.17807840]

>>17806460
painful though it was everything probably turned out for the best. I would probably be a big fag if I made any of the more appealing changes

[Anonymous No.17807854]

What should you do when you realize you can’t achieve your dream, and you actually can’t do anything with your life that might make it worth living? Give up and call it early?

My ideal life and my redemptive life feel simply too far out of reach.

[Anonymous No.17807863]

>>17807854
Embrace the present

[Anonymous No.17807907]

>>17807863
For what reason? I find the present to be basically suffering.

[Anonymous No.17807920]

>>17807854
Decay. Ending it is too much effort.

[Anonymous No.17807944]

>>17807854
If you are capable of realizing that, then you are capable of realizing any number of other points of view. But you don’t want to hear that right now, and I get it. One of these days you’ll wake up and realize you have to play the hand you are dealt. But today is not that day.

[Anonymous No.17807958]

>>17807920
To continue to suffer seems to me to require even more.

[Anonymous No.17808006]

>>17807854
Never say never. At least make room for yourself for the possibility you may be wrong.

[Anonymous No.17808007]

>>17807907
religiously there is an idea that simply exercising patience in hard times for the sake that you know it pleases God and in the knowledge that it will end is fully adequate in His sight. If you do that you don't need to do anything else. Patienence in the face of adversity is enough.

[Anonymous No.17808020]

>>17807907
Well, the past and future arent real, and can end up giving us feelings like guilt or disappointment in the present, which is a shame.

What's bad about the present?

[Anonymous No.17808059]

>>17807665
Live off the grid and start a small community without technology, totally not a cult haha
>>17808020
The lack of human connection with those around you, everyone on their phones, that’s my biggest gripe.

[Anonymous No.17808064]

Nothing is more debilitating for a social animal than social phobia. Only when I'm hopped up on stimulants or drinking does it ever truly go away. The source of it seems to reside in the novelty of strangers. Once I meet and get to know someone the hangups disappear. Only when I don't know someone I seize up, not knowing what to expect, and therefore not knowing what move to make or what to say.

[Anonymous No.17808070]

>>17806787
I've been doing this same exact thing

[Anonymous No.17808080]

>>17807944
Sorry but I think you’re wrong. It’s not a fleeting feeling. I’ve been agonizing over this for at least a year, probably two. I have some mental hangups making it worse yeah, but if that’s the case, they’ve always been there and will always be there. I feel as though I’m thinking of this as clear headed and objectively as possible.

[Anonymous No.17808088]

>>17808007
That’s a nice thought but unfortunately I’m not religious anymore.

>>17808020
>the past and future arent real
That seems to me a nonsense thing to say. Of course they’re real.

[Anonymous No.17808101]

>>17808020
>What's bad about the present?
I suffer because I’m in this liminal state where I know what I need to make this life worth living but am also convinced that it’s not achievable.

[Anonymous No.17808116]

I have yet to encounter any cosplay that seemed worth the effort put in in any way. I really do not respect cosplayers at all. I don't mind that they're into crafts, there's just something about the exhibitionism, the n3rd thing and the fact that even the best cosplay just never looks worthwhile. did you ever see the show Face Off about people who do star trek-type make up? it's like that. it's just awful

[Anonymous No.17808129]

>>17808088
How are they real? The past is memories which are prone to distortions, and the future hasn’t even happened.

[Anonymous No.17808154]

>>17808101
given that life contains all of the possible living, isn't it quite absurd to think that any particular form of living is what is supposed to give meaning to life?

[Anonymous No.17808157]

>>17808059
>The lack of human connection with those around you, everyone on their phones, that’s my biggest gripe.
I see, sometimes that disappoints me too, like if I am out with my parents they will pretty often pull their phones out at dinner, sometimes even read news stories off them, it seems unfortunately mediated to me. I try to just let go of my expectations though and enjoy being around them while I still can and forgive them for their little foibles like that.
>>17808088
>That seems to me a nonsense thing to say. Of course they’re real.
You could say the past is "real" in the sense that if one were to trace back all current arrangements through the events that created them we would have a previous state. But you can never go into the past, it will never exist again. It's gone and thinking about it is like daydreaming a fantasy scenario. In that sense it's not real. Same for the future in reverse, whether it's already determined or not, it does not exist, only our anticipation of it exists.
>>17808101
It sounds like you are suffering from what I just outlined where you imagine a future state where life is worth living and you're disappointed because you can't traverse into that state from this current one. It may sound weird to say, but a lot of peace can be found by just accepting this fantasy for what it is, and letting it go in exchange for focusing on what is happening and what is possible right now.

[Anonymous No.17808223]

>>17808129
But it happened. My present is a consequence of my past. I’m not sure how you could deny this. My post is testament to it.

>>17808154
I don’t think so actually.

>>17808157
>But you can never go into the past, it will never exist again.
Yep. Therein lies the source of despair. But still, your present is a consequence of your past. Your past is every bit as real as your present is.

>>17808157
>It may sound weird to say, but a lot of peace can be found by just accepting this fantasy for what it is, and letting it go in exchange for focusing on what is happening and what is possible right now.
Well, I haven’t been able to do that. I mentioned above that I’ve been agonizing over this for at least a year now. Resigning myself to acceptance is resigning myself to acceptance of “might as well be dead” so I might as well be dead.

[Anonymous No.17808278]

>>17808223
what exactly is it that stands between you and "might as well be dead"? what is this one life that could be lived?

[Anonymous No.17808284]

There’s a girl in the foot thread bros

[Anonymous No.17808313]

tomorrow I'm gonna hand in a paper which will get a passing grade. After that I have about a month and a half break from everything. the probability that I will lose my mind in that time is about 20% I think. I will read, either productive school stuff or sufi litterature. If God wills it I may move toward Him, and this could drive me insane, given how it has been. other than that I'm gonna see a bunch of people, have my sister over, visit my dad, visit friends. I ain't even considered that this might be a corona no-no. it feels like it's over, but maybe I should reconsider some of this. I didn't get any summer-jobs but that's ok, I'll take summer classes instead like a happy little go-getter. Life is going well. I like that I rediscovered the Pillows in particular, and music from my youth in general.

[Anonymous No.17808322]

>>17808284
...! it worked--!

[Anonymous No.17808365]

>>17808080
>I feel as though I’m thinking of this as clear headed and objectively as possible.
No matter how based your digits are, you are a fucking self assured retard. You can never be objective, especially about your feelings. BUT THIS IS WHY MY POST SAID YOU WOULDN'T GET IT BECAUSE SOMEONE WHO THINKS THE WAY YOU DO THINKS THEY ARE RIGHT, ALWAYS. HAVE YOU EVER MET SOMEONE WHO THOUGHT THEY WERE RIGHT, BUT YOU KNEW THEY WERE WRONG? THATS YOU RIGHT FUCKING NOW YOU DOLT.

[Anonymous No.17808376]

>>17808313
>I think I may go insaaaane bros!!
Cringe

[Anonymous No.17808384]

>>17808376
>tfw neighbor is italian

[Anonymous No.17808398]

>>17808080
Sorry m9 it seems you are attached to your depression, it’s part of your ego and identity. Once you come to terms with the fact that you enjoy the suffering is the first day of your life.

[Anonymous No.17808421]

I dreamt about mathematics again

[Anonymous No.17808471]

>>17803854
This is it. If I write one more word, it’ll be the furthest in this story I’ve ever been.

[Anonymous No.17808487]

>>17808471
C'mon, Sam.

[Anonymous No.17808550]

>>17808278
Should I got into specifics on an anonymous board? Honestly, I think would be too personal, particular, and specific (to my life) to even make sense let alone resonate with you. You have to understand that what I hold dear, you probably won’t and I’m hesitant to divulge for the sake of it being marginalized.

>>17808365
And I could say the exact same about you. I choose to take you at face value but you don’t choose to the same for me so that’s all it is. Thanks for talking with me anyway.

>>17808398
I’m attached to one of things that have given rise to this depression, yes. I sincerely want a way out. That’s why I’m here, not that I should expect to get it and not due to any fault of your own. I appreciate you talking to me regardless.

[Anonymous No.17808568]

>>17806364
>Is this normal, or am I getting scammed?
Both and neither, at the same time. They sold your info to multiple hiring services, and those are the companies that are contacting you. They want you to go to their website and give up the rest of your information, which they will then forward to either companies that are hiring, or yet another hiring service that wants your full info as well. They want more clicks, and advertisements served so they make money whether you get a job or not. Nothing like identity theft usually comes of it, just tons of spam emails, more companies begging for full info, and sometimes even junk mail. It also rarely ever leads to an actual job. Best to block the numbers as they call, and mark the emails as spam, until they gradually stop coming. All this sort of information is in the privacy policy and terms of service of these companies, if you bother to read them.

[Anonymous No.17808592]

>>17808550
>Should I got into specifics on an anonymous board? Honestly, I think would be too personal, particular, and specific (to my life) to even make sense let alone resonate with you
Without context to your problems to have us empathize and understand who and what you are, as a person, is what leads posters like me to shout at you in all caps and everyone who responds to you to shrug you off. You talk of emotions and actions in such vauge language not even a woman could understand where you are coming from. If you are truly in this thread for advice and guidance from other anons, then I suggest you blogpost a bit with specific and actionable facts that explain the matter at hand, less we continue this back and forth of generalities and platitudes with response that say 'oh bother, that doesn't apply to me, but thank you for your time' unless, of course, all you are actually seeking is the going through the motions of some semblance of communication with other humans, in which case our little back and forths that go absolutely buttfuck nowhere would make more sense, but I WOULDNT know that because I don't have the adequate context for the subject at hand to know that I don't need to know the thing that fuels this conversation.

[Anonymous No.17808604]

>>17806460
>what would you do differently?
Transition, go to college and be a writer, avoid obviously toxic relationships, maybe not drink even though it can be a great catalyst for creative writing. Reckon that's about it, those changes would have made my life leaps and bounds better, and set me on a course for a happy life where pretty much everything else would have gone differently.

[Anonymous No.17808742]

>>17803854
Despite being somehow renowned by my high-school peers for writing fiction (???)*, I've never written anything creatively — nothing so long as a short-story, anyways. Eight years after, I begin having dreams that are dense with narrative: the kind that don't dissipate or curdle upon waking. I begin writing notes for "my novel," which I half-expect never to undertake. But I like writing the notes, even if I can see the firm stylistic thumbprint stamped by my favorite author.

A year later, a professor in my M.A. program offers us the choice to either write a standard research paper — so easily manufactured — or else to write a Platonic dialogue. I opt for the dialogue. No one else does. The professor is great, by far the best I've had at this school, so I don't fear being vulnerable before his critique. His critiques are (as yet) justly given and without both sugarcoating and unnecessary vitriol.

I can see weaknesses in my writing, but it's so fun to create a world and populate it with storied characters. It's fun to follow in the direction the writing takes you, and to be surprised by your own subconscious foreshadowing. I can readily notice the stylistic plagiarism I've committed, but it's fun to think of ways to strip the influences and unearth your own voice. More than anything, I think it's fun to be a vessel for a steady stream of ideas, past experiences proving their relevance in unexpected ways.

Turning it in by Friday, wish me luck!

————————
* [While I can't remember why my friends thought me such a good fiction writer, I used to be skilled at lying and self-promotion. My wife claims that my description of a sidewalk was one of the most potent images she's read, which is sad because (a) she's well read and has so many better references, but also (b) I don't remember writing it at all. I'm sure that I did; I just don't remember it.]

[Anonymous No.17808762]

>>17808742
One of my favorite bits I’ve written is some musicians pretending to have an ironic Socratic dialogue about “what is punk”. Good on you, friend.

[Anonymous No.17808769]

>>17808762
Same to you. Were they having the dialogue ironically, or was the dialogue filled with Socratic irony? Or both?

[Anonymous No.17808792]

>>17808769
Jake opened the back of his Subaru and slid the hi-hat stand out, passing it to Albert. Paul was rummaging through the front seat to find what he hoped would be a microphone at the end of a mess of instrument cables.
“I don’t see it, Jake,” said Paul.
“It’s there, check under the squatty potty.”
Jake opened up his bag of nachos and proceeded to devour its contents, following each mouth full with a hit from his vape pen. Albert set the hi-hat stand down, and stood next to Jake, helping himself to a Dorito/Vape pen combo.
“So, this guy walks up to the ashtray, picks out the longest cigarette he can find and proceeds to smoke it,” said Jake, recounting his experience at the gas station.
“I saw some dude at the hospital do the same thing.” Paul said over his shoulder.
“It tells you a lot about the person,” replied Jake. “Mostly that he’s tried meth at least once.”
“Oh Socrates! You are so wise!” waxed Albert as he fiddled with his high-hat stand.
At hearing this Paul grinned, turned around, and jumped on top of a bench next to the curb where the Subaru was parked. “For you say you are punk! What ever do you mean? What is it to be punk? Can you explain yourself?”
Jake jumped at attention. “Of course Socrates, to be punk is to be against authority!”
“Oh, so then the child who does not wish to eat his broccoli is punk?”
“No, Socrates, of course not.” Said Albert.
“Then I ask again, what is it to be punk?”
“It is the style of course!” said Jake.
“Ah, so the lawyer who wears doc martins to his corporate job is punk?”
“Of course not Socrates,” Albert shouted.
“Then what is it to be punk?” Paul asked again.
“Perhaps, Socrates, it is the music one listens to?” Questioned Albert.
“Ah, so then you define punk by punk music?”
“Yes, Socrates?” replied Jake.
Paul walked up and down the bench. “Then let me ask this, if I had two cups, one that was large enough that the other could fit inside it, would you say they are both cups?”
“Yes Socrates,” Said Albert.
“But would you say they are the same cup?”
“No Socrates,” Said Jake.
“But you just said they are both cups. I am sorry, I am not very smart. But can one of these cups use its status as a cup to hold the other cup and the material within the smaller cup is then within the larger cup as well?”
“Yes Socrates,” Whined Albert.
“Then punk music could fit inside the cup of punk, correct?”
“Yes Socrates,” Whined Jake.
“Then punk is not just the music. I ask again, what is it to be punk?”
“Go fuck yourself Socrates,” Albert muttered, starting toward the door.

[Anonymous No.17808813]

rip foot thread

[Anonymous No.17808832]

>>17808813
The girl at the end never posted but the tranny did

[Anonymous No.17808838]

>>17808832
always the way it goes.

[Anonymous No.17808839]

>>17803854
I wish i could go back to feeling afraid of things instead of enraged

[Anonymous No.17808840]

>>17808792
Hah! I laughed when 'Socrates' lost sight of his cup analogy for a sec. It's very elenctic.

[Anonymous No.17808849]

>>17808838
It’s hot to think that women post here but it’s always trannies

[Anonymous No.17808855]

>>17806460
learn how to drive, that's it.

[Anonymous No.17808858]

>>17808849
ya if only women could read.

[Anonymous No.17808860]

Is it strange to have an affinity for literature of another country? It’s all I read. I read very little of my own country’s literature.

[Anonymous No.17808875]

>>17808840
I was trying to write a book about one night at a punk venue. All the bands and patrons and how they all intermingle. Kinda as a farewell to that period of my life, but every time I go back to the project I get sad and overwhelmed by how complex a non narrative narrative like that would be.

[Anonymous No.17808939]

>>17808858
I know there are some femanons in here

[Anonymous No.17808948]

You know, I've never really met someone like you.

[Anonymous No.17808955]

Just finished the sound of waves and I liked it. The villagers have so much respect for nature it’s like they are afraid of it and at the end when he understand he survived because of his own strength and not because of hatsue picture. There is this huge titties part as well describing young breast and old breast lol

[Anonymous No.17808966]

>>17806099
You should check out Weininger’s chapter on “Erotics and Aesthetics” in his book “Sex and Character”. I believe it is the 9th chapter

[Anonymous No.17808970]

>>17808966
11th my bad

[Anonymous No.17808993]

>>17808955
I haven’t read that book but I wanted to share something I watched the other day. I was watching Japanese news and they ran a small special special on the 2011 Tohoku Earthquake and Tsunami after 10 years, covering 3 different people and their stories of how they were affected by the disaster. First of all, the whole thing was so beautiful I was completely blown away. It was like an art house film and had a stunning score that included a rendition of Claire de Lune at the part I’ll get to in a minute. But anyone one of the things that struck me was how all of the people spoke with such reverence for the force of nature, not necessarily nature itself in an eco-lover sort of way but almost as of nature as a force of God, something to be feared and revered for the power it holds. The way they spoke about the event was really moving. The most moving of all though was a man who actually wasn’t from the hardest hit tsunami area. He was from another part of the country but his wife was there on a business trip when tsunami happened. When it happened he said the last text he received from his wife said “I’m scared. I want to go home.” before she went missing in the wake of the disaster, no doubt swept away by the tsunami as she wasn’t recovered under rubble anywhere. So he moved to the prefecture and now he spends his days scuba diving the bay looking for his wife’s body so he can “bring her home”. It’s been 10 years. The whole thing was so tragic and touching I was moved to tears. But the whole thing ended with a reflection basically where are amid the sheer power of the world and it was excellent.

[Anonymous No.17809000]

>>17808993
Or I’m sorry. I don’t think she said she was scared. I think it was the night before and she was upset about something so she said “I want to go home.” The point is she wanted to go home and her husband is still out there trying to bring her home to this day.

[Anonymous No.17809028]

>>17809000
That’s beautiful though ; he must have really cherished her. I hope he find her someday

[Anonymous No.17809048]

>>17809028
Here I actually found an article about him.
https://www.newshub.co.nz/home/world/2021/03/man-goes-on-weekly-dives-in-search-of-missing-wife-lost-in-2011-japan-tsunami.html

He did explain how he had to learn to dive, get a new job, and such. Amazing story. The whole thing had me in tears.

[Anonymous No.17809057]

>>17808116
https://youtu.be/QchwCta-1xA

[Anonymous No.17809065]

>>17809048

Sorry!
This content is not available in your region

[Anonymous No.17809140]

>>17808421
OoOo twoOo plus twOoO is foOour ooooOoOoo

[Anonymous No.17809215]

In the end, everyone says “I’m bored” or “Isn’t there anything interesting out there?” like pet phrases. But in reality, none of them are looking for a change.

[Anonymous No.17809224]

How does Tolkien pull off bed time story witty grandpa so well? Like, I could never write like this without it being unadulterated cringe. But it’s such a cute use of prose.

[Anonymous No.17809226]

Why was it easy to find 1 “cool” friend in high school, a bit harder in college, and impossible in working life? The change in people contrasted with the lack of change in myself is probably what someone would call “immaturity” but I don’t see it that way.

[Anonymous No.17809240]

>>17803861
Get snubbed, bitch

[Anonymous No.17809280]

>>17803854
>wanna finish my story
>remember that no one will ever read it, not even my family who outright refuse to read anything I write
>lose all enthusiasm

[Anonymous No.17809313]

>>17809280
>want to finish my story
>constantly be too tired to write
>find excuses for every reason not to write
>never actually write anything
>tell all my friends I’m a writer
>none of them care enough to read anything I write
>they all think I’m a literary god because I bought a bunch of /lit/ meme books I’ve never read
>refresh /lit/ threads all day and effort post with no (you)s
>get tired but can’t sleep
>pass out to YouTube videos
>do it all over again for the rest of my life

[Anonymous No.17809317]

>>17805778
Stop torturing this poor girl!

[Anonymous No.17809331]

>>17806124
I can tell you I'd feel more sorry for a decent mother passing than an wine aunt.

[Anonymous No.17809344]

>>17809331
a*

[Anonymous No.17809412]

>>17803854
I've been reading/reciting Finnegans Wake and now I'm trying to write regular things and situations in semi-English

marryment redorviculous

entreatea toulet wominto yawlife

rinrinspringinintoth'leek hopsplashering uprysetredwattering see'bovebluskie

fltfltfltdown th' 'cretestraetxin n' reddyman-t'lyetewait'pn't'grynman-tktkboooobpbpbpbpbpbpfltfltflt asslaught't'asfaultxint'streatched

[Anonymous No.17809511]

Yung Chuck + F. Gardner collabo when?

[Anonymous No.17809514]

>>17809313
(You) forgot the pic

[Anonymous No.17809539]

I had a dream last night of suprising articularity, down to a coherent internal monologue, which I will relay here as best I could record.
The payroll documents had me on file as a research assistant. This was because they couldnt put me down as "man who shoots fish people for money", but we knew what my job was. They gave me a G3 H&K rifle, modified to take drum magazines and operate with a fire selector, alongside a full auto Mac10, also taking drum mags, as a sidearm. Accuracy didnt matter when it came to the job. I told them I had no military training. They said it didnt matter.
The fish people they made, piscus sapiens, were absolutely fucking mongoloided, with unblinking, soulless eyes, grotesque bodies, and a sheer inability to understand basic puzzles or kindergarden level math.
Whenever I had to shoot one in a testing room I had to wonder who benefitted from this? Why fish people? Why not something cool and fuckable? I did my job anyway.
One time a school of them broke out and took over a town in Minnesota. I asked how they did that, we were five miles underground in New Mexico. But before I knew it they had me in an APC with a few dozen meth commandos. They were powerful men with thick, amphetamine enhanced veins. I was the only science team member there, but they didnt seem to notice.
In the end we didnt succeed in wiping the outbreak away, and the town had to be firebombed.

[Anonymous No.17809580]

Had to put my cat down today, like an hour ago. now im getting drunk and listening to some sacred music and other classical stuff to feel better. Its probably the first time death has ever truly deeply effected me. I know he is gone but it still just doesn't quite register properly or something and i cant imagine that personality that has been with me for 14 years being gone, and i will never pet him or be blessed with his personality again, but here we are despite that. feels bad man.

[Anonymous No.17809597]

>>17809580
Its weird and harrowing, isnt it? I am sorry for your cat, anon, he sounds like he was a great thing for you. I hope, in time, grief becomes a twinge alongside the good memories you have.

[Anonymous No.17809626]

>>17809597
It was certainly one of the most difficult things ive had to do, but I think it was time, he was straight up collapsing and crying today and i couldn't handle it anymore even though i was hoping he would pass peacefully here. I just feel a slight pang of guilt still because it just all went so fast, they gave me the option to sit with him for longer and i feel like i should have savored my last moments with him more, and i did sit and pet him and comfort him the best i could, but i chose to get it over with because he was just in horrible shape and not having a good time, i feel like if I prolonged it it wouldn't do anyone any good but me, and even then only barely since he wasn't very responsive. I donno man, I think it will certainly take some time to get over this one. life is short

[Anonymous No.17809637]

The company I work for is failing. It had been a house of cards for a while but COVID has finally shaken the foundations enough that it's beginning to fall down. If I left and they couldn't find anyone to replace me quickly, then they would probably collapse. I want to leave so badly and I don't really have any moral qualms about doing so but the problem is there are no jobs for me to go into. So it doesn't make sense to quit while I actually have a job, but working here at the moment is miserable.

[Anonymous No.17809671]

>>17809626
It may seem cliche and a platitude, but you did the right thing, not allowing him to suffer and staying with him to the end. You were strong enough to assure that.

[Anonymous No.17809637,1]

>>17808966
Are you celibate?

[Anonymous No.17809710]

>>17809671
yea. I think deep down I only feel bad because i just really wish i could hold him some more

[Anonymous No.17809732]

>>17809710
I am sorry that you cannot, Anon. I wish you luck in your sorrow. I know how painful it is.

[Anonymous No.17809778]

I'm about to quit the industry I spent the last decade in because if I don't, it'll probably kill me. But I have no idea what I'm going to do next. I'm fucking terrified.

[Anonymous No.17810016]

It's odd. Many people find what they do for work as the most adequate demonstration of their capabilities and potential. On the contrary I have the exact opposite view. Work chains me to petty mundanity. The money I make means precisely nothing to me, not unless some sort of glitch were to ad a three or four extra zeros to the figures. Nothing I can buy with this money can replace wisdom and knowlege of the universe. By forcing me to work, the world is depriving itself of a worthy mind. You may mock me, but I truly believe that.

[Anonymous No.17810105]

>>17809215
They are looking to a certain degree if it doesnt involve major changes in life.

[Anonymous No.17810176]

>>17803854
Any calls for submissions ya'll know about? need to write a short stroy real quick so I can have a break from my novel

[Anonymous No.17810198]

>>17810176
Shame about the lit quarterly. It seems to have died out. That guy, bless him, was paying a solid benjamin for a submission.

[Anonymous No.17810252]

>>17803854
Gist idea for a short story, pls rate.

>Executive function

Every forty seconds another person has decided suicide is the right decision. Every forty seconds another person has weighed his understanding of the world up against the lever that removes him from it. That adds up to approximately 800 000 people who leave the rat race permanently every year. While simultaneously we add 1 200 000 people to the millionaire list per year.

That means for every person that anheros one fat motherfucker made it. What separates the millionaire from the deceased can be argued with outliers alone, to be due to the persons perspective. It might seem trivial to state something too obvious, but perspective is defining who you are every single day. People who realize the value of their perspectives can go a long way in achieving their goals, be that suicide or not. Today, any person with an internet connection and an inquisitive mind can find the path to wealth, anyone, those barriers previously made up of institutions have been replaced by obtuse narratives and purposely weakened perspectives. People do not build on their understanding anymore, the markets work against people gaining larger and more relevant perspectives. For obvious reasons this won't change, it will only get worse. The more disruptive technology that is shared freely, the more competition the market experiences. Now take what we have into perspective, we have a civilisation that is in its communication infancy, from where I am, Norway, I can send a message across the Atlantic ocean to new york in milliseconds. This has been disruptive. It will continue to be disruptive. What I want you to do is become that disruption. We have the technology and tools available to us to automate, we have created enough abstractions on technologies like machine learning that it is trivial to automate what only a decade ago required hundreds of people to sort through data. You can get whatever language you want to translate in seconds, whatever field of research you want to learn about you can find out about online, you can map out relationships and research events. There really should be no limit on what a person with a healthy mind can achieve with an internet connection. Nobody has ever had an abundance of information on the scale that we do. What matters in today's world is executive function, learn about it, improve upon it.

>---

I can't write for shit but I want it to go into the Patrick Bateman vibe and obsessively use machine learning examples as the proverbial limitless pill

[Anonymous No.17810275]

>>17803854
I read that the Soviet government imported the movie version of Steinbeck's Grapes of Wrath. The point was to show the disaster capitalism caused for the American farmer, but all the Russian audience could process was that the poor in America had cars. I feel the same watching Mad Men.

[Anonymous No.17810297]

>>17810252
People inherit wealth

[Anonymous No.17810320]

Truth be told I want to burn America down from within to reincarnate it in its fertile ashes. It has been corrupted, distorted, and the abnormal become normal. I've lived inside the belly of this behemoth for too long. I've its corrupted ideology over in my mind for countless sleepless nights, for well over a decade. I've calculated its every angle, mapped out its every contingency, simulated every scenario. I don't want to see "it" destroyed, because there is no it, only ephemeral changing conditions and temporary positionings of power, the chance arrangement of which the historian's mind connects into a sequence, with only inheritable momentum defining any predictable continuity. I want to see this Republic of Lies, this Democracy of Contradictions finally face its reckoning, as I have long, far too long, anticipated. This is a nation of fear, and I am fearful of those I care about forced to face the truth of the failure of this system. But in ordinariness there is nothing but the regular repetition of injustices, the peace governed by the Serpent is no peace, but rather the contained and boxed up war of all its dominated compartments, stifled working class neighborhoods, ghettos, war zones.

Until I die my vanishing, powerless, impoverished, helpless but implacable and unshakable , inexhaustible consciousness of this truth will live in my mind until I die. You will not take this from me.

[Anonymous No.17810330]

>>17810297
Not trying argue anything pikkety.

Want to delve into the psychopathic vision and create a more up to date synthesis of it compared to American psycho. Something about this vibe always makes people obsessively interested.

But I'm just experimenting with shitposts so far, this prompt was poorly executed.

[Anonymous No.17810423]

In my recent study of Western Esoteracism I have been met with an amount of synchronicities regarding the Astrological charge and nature of Saturn. In images, much like the one posted, I feel something that is far different than the comfort inherent to Christ. It is a draw of recognition. Given that I have went through, and am still very much going through, a period of my life marked by exhaustion, agonizing introspection into the ill traits of my personality, and intense dread, I theorize that this is an almost Jungian response towards an Archetypical Shadow.

[Anonymous No.17810482]

>>17810423
Please forgive me for posting a Saturn for ants, I am phomeposting at work, have ran out of highspeed data, and can only attach small pictures now.

[Anonymous No.17810504]

>>17810423
Saturn in astrology is big baddie

[Anonymous No.17810509]

>>17806499
So this is the power of Takanoposters... heh, not bad...

[Anonymous No.17810527]

>>17810504
Yes. I am well aware that Saturn is a murderous, intensely cold, cruel, and wise teacher, as well as the harbinger of time and decay. This is why I am equaly fascinated and disturbed at the response Saturnine imagery elicits in me, as I get the feeling that my Shadow, as Jung describes such things, has more than a few Saturnine qualities.
I, in the context of the Alchemical process that must be undergone to achieve enlightenment or whatever you would like to call it, theorize that Saturn is the way in which the world warps and holds us back for the worse.

[Anonymous No.17810530]

I'm growing more conservative every day but not fast enough. I still expect NPCs and normies to be sentient and use rationality and critical thinking, instead of just considering for what they are: a herd.

[Anonymous No.17810539]

>>17810530
Pretty much.
Thats why my longterm life plan is to save money and fuckoff into the woods at some point.

[Anonymous No.17810548]

>>17810527
>I get the feeling that my Shadow, as Jung describes such things, has more than a few Saturnine qualities.
Have you ever checked your natal chart? Maybe theres a reason why saturn interests you that much.

[Anonymous No.17810559]

>>17810548
Only in a passing curiosity before I hit my current phase of study. I remember that something like almost all of my alignments were in Aqaurius, which was associated with Saturn before shifting to either Neptune or Uranus iirc. I will have to look into that again when I have the chance, thanks for reminding me.

[Anonymous No.17810771]

the funny thing is when i was a kid i really felt like i was the smart cool popular set for success guy everybody liked. i made friends easy, all the girls liked me, i thought i really impressed all the grown ups by engaging them on their level, and i got a's all through school. how could i go wrong?

but how could i have been so wrong? or where did i go so wrong? i don't understand how it happens. i thought i was hot shit. i am now the lowest of the low wagie virgin schizo.

[Anonymous No.17810795]

What the fuck am I even doing here ? I have other fish to fry.

[Anonymous No.17810808]

>>17810795
did you just want to use that expression somewhere

[Anonymous No.17810810]

>>17810530
>conservative
>critical thinking

[Anonymous No.17810819]

>>17810810
Read Hobbes, Burke, Le Bon

[Anonymous No.17810877]

Every time I attempt to read philosophy with the big boys, i get filtered. I'm going back to fiction.

[Anonymous No.17810885]

>>17810795
What am i even doing here. I have fish to fry.

[Anonymous No.17810935]

>>17810877
>to understand one book, you need to read additional 5 books

[Anonymous No.17810940]

>>17808059
I didn't even mention the word cult or community, but even that doesn't sound bad. What's stopping us from doing that? This is unironically the best time to do so. Masculinity gets valued again and hence men are more valuable in that community. By limiting our opportunities instead of looking for the next big, I think we can be at least 20 times happier. We don't need to seclusion in order to make this work. We just have to adapt it so that people in massive cities can form similar communities. I'd love to see research entertaining this possibility.

[Anonymous No.17811065]

I find that salvation lies in thinking back to how it was in middle school. in middle school I met people for who they were. if I was playing ego games I was so bad at it that they didn't interfere much. I saw a persons personality on their face in middle school, just simply. I lost that on the way somewhere, in particular regarding women. Now they are immediately put up to a bunch of contrived measures of desirability. I used to meet them as just people. It was nice.

[Anonymous No.17811256]

>>17811065
Cant remove persona anymore?

[Anonymous No.17811274]

>>17811256
maybe that's the right way to look at it

[Anonymous No.17811280]

>>17810320
I just want to leave America but I feel like I’m sentenced to live and die here, along with any offspring.

[Anonymous No.17811292]

>>17811274
being honest and sincere is not valued anymore. the biggest liar wins.

[Anonymous No.17811314]

gonna jerk off to Lucy Li's fat tits

[Anonymous No.17811417]

>>17803854

Ass

[Anonymous No.17811475]

I jerked off to netorare again. Can anyone make a psychological analysis behind the desire of getting cucked?

[Anonymous No.17811550]

This job was supposed to be easy but the expectations and my boss are a freaking nightmare.

[Anonymous No.17811631]

>>17811475
isnt ntr completely different from cucking? maybe you feel not worth of being in healthy relationship and crave for corruption/degradation.

[Anonymous No.17811644]

>>17803854
Daydreaming will never leave you even on the bus

[Anonymous No.17811676]

i wish i'd be capable of understanding my dreams.

[Anonymous No.17811680]

This is it. If I write one more word, it’ll be the furthest in this story I’ve ever been.

[Anonymous No.17811727]

Is Jack Frost a god? I'm going to pretend he is

[Anonymous No.17811782]

>tfw finally get a relevant job offer but it's 6 hours away
>parents respect my decision and say that they will help me out
>they also grow anxious and talk about money issues, health issues, how far away it is, etc
>end up not taking the offer
I'm too much of a people pleaser to them. I don't want to cause a disruption in the family. So much for starting my life back up again.

[Anonymous No.17811825]

>>17810423
I'm curious at how Saturn return will actually feel. It sounds hubristic, but I think I've already encountered most of my failures and reconciled with them. (And I'm happily married, etc.) One thing I can imagine is that my health will suffer because, despite being overweight in BMI, I am remarkably secure against illness. Perhaps my luck will run out...

If anyone here is over the age of 30, how did the transition mark you?

[Anonymous No.17811840]

>>17810877
Have you tried reading philosophy chronologically? Most people who claim that they can't understand Kant never read Berkeley. Philosophy is just one big stream of conversation, and it wouldn't make sense to insert yourself at random intervals and expect it to make perfect sense.

[Anonymous No.17811848]

>>17811727
lmao I knew a guy that called himself "Jack Frost" and thought himself a god.

[Anonymous No.17811851]

>>17803854
I cant read.

[Anonymous No.17811969]

>>17811825
I have a very strong Saturn (conjunction with Ascendant in 1st house) and i'm 28.5. I can definitely feel something but i cant make sense of it. The next year and half is going to be interesting period.

[Anonymous No.17811979]

What's the deal with musicians? They have this incredible power to tap into the deepest parts of your soul, but they're usually complete retards, some kind of black magic

[Anonymous No.17812005]

>>17811979
Music is a very mechanical skillset that is then interpreted by emotions to create art. It's a narrow series of actions that create the power you speak of. Just like how a medical doctor is brilliant and spent years in school only to then turn out to be retarded because their school didn't teach critical thinking, only every part of the body and every disease ever.

You too can learn to pull the heartstrings of others through music. Learn to keep a 4/4 beat, learn 4 chords, learn to sing and play at the same time. It's really not that hard. You get better with 20 minutes of study a day.

[Anonymous No.17812072]

>have to change my career into blue collar one
what a fucking shame.

[Anonymous No.17812205]

>>17812005
>medical doctor is brilliant and spent years in school only to then turn out to be retarded because their school didn't teach critical thinking, only every part of the body and every disease ever
There's still critical thinking involved in narrowing down a diagnosis (patients don't present like the textbooks) and developing a treatment plan. It's not as straightforward as you think.

[Anonymous No.17812287]

>>17812205
What I meant to say is that the ethical and societal considerations that are taken in are not directly part of the daily job. They are skilled workers who are good at one series of processes. Their work is not inherently political, philosophical, or need judgement to determine the worldliness of the human experience. They cure sick people. While there are political and business ramifications surrounding their job, their initial and explicit duties are insulated from those things compared to other fields who deal with a much wider swath of society. Again, this is all just a point to explain why musicians are savants.

[Anonymous No.17812348]

I have a tendency to drink and post brash, often half crazed things here. I suppose it keeps me from doing actually dumb stuff.

[Anonymous No.17812360]

>>17812348
don't kill your liver just to shitpost man

[Anonymous No.17813027]

God, I’m such an embarrassment to myself.

[Anonymous No.17813042]

Finally finished Slaves of Paris. I must say I never expected that twist, even though there was a big clue given near the end.

[Anonymous No.17813107]

I'm not a grown up man despite being almost 29. I feel like a child who's afraid and lost in the maze. While others try to find the exit and entrance to a better understanding of himself, i just sit in the corner and cry while others pass me and stop just to look with expressionless pale face.

[Anonymous No.17813123]

>>17813107
what'sa matter anon? what's got you so beat?

[Anonymous No.17813137]

there should be a study where they tested penile responses in males to women of various levels of undress, just to establish once and for all that having an autonomous reaction to a short skirt is not something a man can control. just so it would be clear that this can obviously and easily be considered problematic, as it has in all major cultures in all of time.

[Anonymous No.17813219]

>>17803854
I'm getting progressively uglier

[Anonymous No.17813224]

>>17813123
everything, anon, everything. it's too much to say.

[Anonymous No.17813243]

>>17803854
I'm a miserable piece of shit wprth nothing, on meds, and I fucking want to kill myself.

[Anonymous No.17813248]

>>17813224
sorry to hear that. one day you'll wake up and it won't seem so bad.

[Anonymous No.17813255]

After my early 20ies I stopped consuming manga and anime out of disappointment and having seen almost everything that interested me from the description. Sometimes a cool panel, like pic related, makes me check it out.
This night I just read and finished the manga Chainsaw Man after a binge session of reading for ~5h and I really enjoyed that one, the style, the characters and the ending. Usually japs fuck their endings up, this one was alright.
There is a tendency in mangas and animes to leave the original setting halfway and scale everything up absurdly to the point where the original rules don't matter anymore. The initial conflict stops being important after 30-60% of the chapters , instead the world or the feeling how the world works changes a lot, usually in an alienating way.
Instead of trying to win the initial conflict against the original villain it is transforming to the point it is a battle against a god-like antagonist.
Usually I'm not really fond of the authors doing that, they destroy their world building, it rarely works well and it leaves a bitter taste. Steins Gate, Claymore, TTGL...I don't know why they do this, I'm not interested in having an episodic slice of life anime but scaling villains and power levels in an exponential speed ruins it. A Japanese manga version of Lord of the Rings wouldn't end in Sauron being defeated/the Hobbits returning to the Shire and cleansing it, instead it would go on so that the Hobbits would fight Melkor, Valar and finally the creater of the universe, Eru.
This time I didn't like it as well but the manga was still enjoyable, so I kept reading and listened to Burial - come down to do us on repeat. This is just an excerpt, yet the best part of the song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-1WUdsCDxw
So comfy, even got a bit of post-anime depression, something I haven't gotten for a long time.

[Anonymous No.17813265]

>>17813248
i hope that one day i wont wake up, that will be the best for everyone. thank you for kind words.

[Anonymous No.17813305]

>>17813255
You think it might be because Evangelion did it with tremendous success?

[Anonymous No.17813319]

>>17813219
Same here. I’ve gotten interested in looksmaxing unironically. When I was young, I was naturally above average with a few particular flaws. Now that I’m older, I’ve just disintegrated but aesthetics are important to me. I’m trying hard to lose fat, I’ve been mewing, trying to fix my hair loss, and I’ve been wearing some small cosmetics to hide little things. If I’m going to continue to live, I want to live at beautifully as possible even though that feels like an impossible task for me right now.

[Anonymous No.17813325]

I hate my job so bad bros. I want so badly to just quit but I have nothing I can fall back on and nothing I would want to do instead. The only thing I’ve discovered I want to do is write but I’m already 28 and I’ve written next to nothing at this point. This unbearable honestly.

[Anonymous No.17813337]

>>17804475
don't set any expectations, just write good stories and grind out the craft. Don't be so concerned about your age, you're not even 30. And so many of the best pieces of literature were written by men much older than 28. Writing is storytelling. Music is probably the one art form that truly benefits from the spontaneity and health of youth, but the best storytellers are grandpas. As you get older you'll only have more and more to write about

[Anonymous No.17813340]

>>17803854
Fellas, I got a year of unprecedented freedom. Got my graduate medical exam results which basically guarantee me to dentistry or medicine and I broke up with my gf because she didn't like literature and refused to visit a church together. How should I spend the year? Was thinking about learning German so I can read Rilke and Kafka

[Anonymous No.17813402]

>>17813325
>nothing I would want to do instead
same here anon, same here. nothing.

[Anonymous No.17813412]

>>17813325
Write a book about a guy trapped at a job he hates so he writes a book at night when he gets off work.

[Anonymous No.17813416]

>>17813402
I shouldn’t say nothing. Obviously I do want to write as I said. I just feel like a fraud about it and I lack any experience? So what the hell can I do about it?

Do you have any thing at all which you think might be worth it? Something creative or expressive maybe?

[Anonymous No.17813428]

>>17813416
Go read some of the books in the /wg/ and watch this video

https://vimeo.com/85040589

[Anonymous No.17813483]

>>17813416
nothing anon. i tried art, dance, singing, sports but nothing stuck with me, nothing hit that special string which makes you feel the special connection with a thing. i thought that it could be a science but that was the biggest mistake in my life. i tried several jobs but there was always a regret that i should be something else even if i couldnt say what it could be. maybe i'm fundamentally broken person. good luck on writing, there a few people in my country who wrote they major works after 30.

[Anonymous No.17813538]

>>17813483
unironically read the Quran.

[Anonymous No.17813575]

>>17813412
>Write a book about a guy trapped at a job he hates so he writes a book at night and gets off.
Kafkaesque.

[Anonymous No.17813577]

>>17813538
too late for that. also not a muslim.

[Anonymous No.17813581]

I like to keep to myself but I can't stand being completely alone.

[Anonymous No.17813588]

>>17813577
>>17813577
I'm just saying it could be the "why" and the "how" rather than the "what" that is lacking

[Anonymous No.17813606]

I’ve gotten a lot of inspiration from my favorite creators, people who’s work I old dearly personal and almost prescriptive who say that basically “You need to stop overthinking life”. I can feel the truth in that and diagnose myself as someone who does, in fact, overthink my life to an extreme degree. I’m a person after all who feels deep existential despair when I try to reconcile the ideal I want to be with the reality of who I am and who I’ve been. I flip flop back and forth between rationalizing a way to achieve my ideal, or erase my past, and suicide as a means of stepping away from the game I feel I can’t win.

Given their prescription, it seems obvious what I’m doing here. I need to stop overthinking life, right? But isn’t there a tinge of hubris in that? It’s advice coming from someone who had the prerequisites, who lived their life as though it work a work of art, they became creators and created and left their impact. Who are they to say “Just stop overthinking!” How can they say that with honesty? They don’t know what it’s like to be me, and I don’t know what it’s like to be them, and probably never will. Isn’t something about that lacking in self awareness on their part? It’s like a professional athlete, training from childhood, telling you that you just need to work out and your life will be worth it.

[Anonymous No.17813631]

>>17813606
What is going on here? This is my post from the other thread but I haven’t posted this here. Why did you copy my post?

[Anonymous No.17813633]

>>17813588
do you think it could be related to faith?

[Anonymous No.17813646]

>>17813428
Thanks. To be clear, I am reading those books and I’ve seen this video. My hangup isn’t so much that I can’t cope with having to suck at first. It’s not that. It’s more like a timing thing. All of the authors I really respect started writing very young. They were no doubt very bad at first but by the time they were young adults of roughly post-college age, they were able to publish a relatively decent and high volume of work, something I cannot claim. I’m going to spend 10 years to be as good at middle age as they were at 24. That realization is unbelievably depressing to point that I feel like the actual story that I want (the story of my life) is simply not attainable. They had the pre-requisites. I don’t. Why continue?

>>17813483
What about something you’ve admired from afar? Isn’t there anything that when you look on pictures of it on the internet or when you hear about something doing it, it makes you long for it? I think this can be anything from a beautiful night sky to a painting to imagining feeling the intimacy of a romantic partner.

[Anonymous No.17813648]

>characters finish a task
>stuck for a week trying to figure out how to connect them to the next plot point
>take an hour long, extremely hot shower
>the correct scene appears in my head fully formed and ready to be written to the page
This is the second time this has happened
If I could write in the shower I swear I'd finish a bestseller every month

[Anonymous No.17813653]

>>17813633
I think faith could very well dissolve every possible problem you could be facing

[Anonymous No.17813673]

>>17813646
i guess music is capable of moving me and art in general but even then i feel like a parrot staring at programmers code line. i dont know anon, i'm not a very good at conversation regarding these things.

[Anonymous No.17813692]

>>17813673
If you feel yourself moved by music, why don’t you just follow that?

[Anonymous No.17813752]

>>17813692
I tried a few times but it didnt work out, absolutely no ideas regarding creating music or song writing. no flow from my heart. sometimes i think that i'm just a talentless schmuck who thinks that has talent in something.

[Anonymous No.17813824]

I am a profligate

[Anonymous No.17813826]

>>17813752
I’ve heard some pretty great artists say that starting out is a lot like mimicking others. I think it’s too much pressure to expect yourself to be totally original from the start. Talent has to be cultivated. Yes, you’re natured and nurtured with more or less fertile soil or infertile soil in a way that’s largely out of your hands, but as for what kind of flower you grow that is kind of up to you and what you put into it. You have to tend to it.

[Anonymous No.17813865]

>>17813826
I want to believe that i have seeds in my hands but i cannot see them for some reason. Is there a way to know? That's a very nice metaphor by the way.

[Anonymous No.17814103]

>>17811840
I stopped half way through the presocratics to read plato. But none of their ideas are as interesting as the ones i hear from the german thinkers, modernists, and rationalists. I also don't known if i can really read plotinus, christian thinkers, and the bible before what i deem to be interesting, too. By the time i actually get to where I can "rightfully" read what I want, i will have lost my motivation or purpose in undertaking this big project. My brother tells me that philosophy should be read backwards and then forwards again. I don't know. Maybe i'm just a smoothbrain that likes the prose and human characters.

[Anonymous No.17814530]

bump

[Anonymous No.17814533]

>>17814103
follow your gut anon