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/lit/ - Literature

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17772832 No.17772832[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

Any books about how to make friends after college while living in american style suburbs?

>> No.17772836
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17772836

>> No.17772840

>suburbs
just eat xanax and watch netflix

>> No.17772853

>>17772832
Wish I could help you with this but I’m in the same boat. I actually live and work in a small college town way out in the middle of nowhere. It’s basically just a big suburb surrounded by hours of farm land. I haven’t made a single friend or met a girl since I moved here several years ago. It feels like it’s almost impossible since there’s no one even roughly my age here. Everyone is under 22 or over 40.

>> No.17772878

>>17772832
>>17772836
damn, this is just sad

>> No.17772930

>>17772840
I want companionship anon
>>17772853
How old are you anon? What do you work as?

>> No.17772943

>>17772930
>How old are you anon? What do you work as?
28. I work on staff at the University.

>> No.17773079

>>17772943
Academia's a bit bleak huh

>> No.17773144

>>17773079
I don’t really consider myself to be working in academia. I’m not even a student or anything. I’m really just a programmer for a college, same as anyone might be at any company but from getting an up close look, I can agree I guess.

>> No.17773338

do you have a wife?

>> No.17773353

>>17773338
no im a virgin and i live with my mom

>> No.17773359

>>17773338
This. Ideally by this point you are married and will make friends by proxy through your wife rather than yourself except potentially through work.

>> No.17773622

>>17773359
How do you make friends if you don’t have a wife

>> No.17773639

>>17772832
Anon, this isn't an advice forum, it's a place to discuss literature.
Google it like butter nigger did >>17772836
and you'll get a million results telling you where. I can think of three just off the top of my head, and they're the same regurgitated responses that literally anyone with enough sense will tell you.
>Find a club in something you're interested in
>Take a class
>Join a group of hobbyists
>Literally, go the fuck outside and play ball, the first time I did this I struck up some great convos with all types of people and had a good time
You won't do this anon because you're too busy wasting time on this basket weaving site, but this is the only answer. Go out there, and do something. Anything.

>> No.17773642

>>17773359
>>17773622
how do you get a wife if you have no friends?

>> No.17773660

>making friends after school
lol haha no no no no no

Your only hope is to marry and get some other couples to be your friends. And then you'll lose them if you get kids and they don't or they get kids and you don't. Good luck with that.

>> No.17773667

>>17772832
My anthology of self published snail mail newsletters is all about this. All you do is wander into the unknown and keep saying “yes”. Do that for about 3-4 years and you will find your life completely different and better than you could have imagined.

>> No.17773687

>>17773642
you hit the gym, pick up a bunch of hobbies you dont like, shower daily and b urself and magically a girl will appear at your doorstep

>> No.17773845

>>17773642
1. Become higher quality. Exercise and clean yourself frequently.
2. Take risks.

>> No.17773970

>>17773845
That’s way too vague to be helpful advice. If you don’t meet anyone, your chances of making a friend or girlfriend are zero. I would also suggest that if it’s all about just looking better and having a bigger paycheck, you’re going to attract the kind of friends or girlfriend that you won’t find to be worth it.

We live in a time where we were basically told by our parents to ignore interpersonal relationships through high school and college, get a good job, and then we get a job we’re not allowed to have relationships with the people we work and meanwhile fewer and fewer people are doing non-working social things with strangers especially during the coronavirus so what’s left?

What OP needs is a way to actually meet people.

>> No.17774083

>>17772836
BASEDIENCE!!

>> No.17774096

>>17773667
Anon, they already made that into a movie starring Jim Carry

>> No.17774120

>>17773970
how does one meet people after college in the wasteland that is the american suburb?

>> No.17774155

>>17774120
find groups for your hobby. if you don't have such a hobby, get one. there's almost definitely a group near you that runs together for example

>> No.17774177

>>17774155
all i do is read and watch anime and movies dude.

>> No.17774190

>>17774177
>i don't do anything but stay inside and consume media
>fucking american suburbs!

>> No.17774193

>>17774120
I don’t know. I’m in the same spot. I’m just trying to help refine the question from what I see as the real issue.

>> No.17774205

>>17774190
well i also work out but im not going back to the gym until i get the vaccine.

>> No.17774206

>>17772836
Are... are they talking about us ... bros ?

>> No.17774212

>>17774155
So what? Like a meetup.com or something? I don’t know where you live but a lot of places in the US don’t even have such things.

>> No.17774218

>>17774190
american suburbs are literally social hell

>> No.17774230

>>17774212
>classes (language, music, skill)
>pickup/social sport league
>volunteering

dependent upon your covid restrictions of course

>> No.17774429
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17774429

Be glad you don't live in a small town.
>Old hs exfriends are all faggy tradesmen who make passive agressive comments about me having gone to college
>At least they did till I beat the shit out of one of them after he went to far, now they're scare of me
>Best friend just got out of jail and all he ever wants to do is break into houses, strip copper wire, and smoke ice/heroin which is fun once in a while but not every day
>Neighborhood kids I used to hang with got evicted over their deadbeat dad's drunken antics and now live in a trailer way far away in the woods
>Crack whore broke into my apartment so I smacked her around a bit to send a message and now now the lefty college girls who work at the local shelter think I'm a monster
>Everyone else is either retired or in highschool
Every day I fantasize about moving to the city and just robbing banks till an errant cop puts me out of my misery.

>> No.17774442

Run rabbit by john updike

>> No.17774449

>>17774429
athiest moment

>> No.17774453

>>17774230
Well, I’m the guy above who lives in a college town and right now my whole town is locked down because everyone here is out their mind but let’s assume normal conditions. Most of the clubs and sports leagues here are 100% student oriented. Pretty much everything here is student oriented, including bars and restaurants. So what am I supposed to do? I don’t really have a desire to make friends with 19 year olds, not that I have anything against 19 year olds. Right now, I really just have my brothers, who I see a handful of times per year but no more and complicated relationships with a parent have made that uncomfortable. Like OP, I don’t have many hobbies. So should I just pick any random thing and try to find a club online or something?

>> No.17774513

>>17774442
what does this have to do with the op post?

>> No.17774535

>>17774449
>>17774449
Religion is the one thing that keeps me sane, actually.
My whole life over the last some years has been a spectacular tragicomedy (and worse for many of my close friends) and my only concern rn is becoming financially independent so I don't have to rely on my batshit parents or any more shitty employers.
Rural poverty is a hell of a thing. The only people who can afford land here are rich boomers with jobs in the big city, so everyone who can leaves town as soon as they graduate and those who cant are stuck in low-paid manual labour hell for life.

>> No.17774558

>>17772832
you'll probably have to become a yuppie or a hipster

>> No.17774662

>>17774558
This. Unfortunately most normies live in a circle jerk and if you want to be friends with them you need to jerk them off to the rhythm that they know and love.
If you want friends you first have to drop any pretense of wanting to be challenged or of individuality. Just conform to what they like and exist in proximity to them, its that simple.

>> No.17774683

>>17774662
i wouldn't go this far, but you defiantly need to know what's going on
everyone has their individual interests, what brings people together is shared interests. Follow your interest and people with similar interests will come along

>> No.17774855

>>17774683
>Follow your interest and people with similar interests will come along
This is only really true for team activities and people in university.

>> No.17774872

>>17774683
>Follow your interest and people with similar interests will come along
Ok I'm going to keep reading books and watching anime in my room and wait for a gf to pop up at my door. Thanks.

>> No.17774877

>>17774120
blackpeoplemeet.com

>> No.17775093

>>17774872
i should have taken into context that i'm posting on 4chan

>> No.17775132
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17775132

>made two friends in college
>we all move to separate cities
Oh no loser bros it was supposed to have ended!

>> No.17775164

>>17774855
It’s not even true in Univerdity. All of the friends I made in University were basically circumstantial. We were the guys who for whatever reason didn’t fit cleanly into this or that club or this or that group and we just clung to each other for the next 4 years, with our only shared interest being drinking, either for being a hedonist or depressed, or other normal male activities like pick up sports and video games. In truth, none of us were all that close and at least I personally preferred to spend my time in books, which none of them shared. I don’t think I’ve ever made a friend from a shared mutual interest besides a black weeb who got me into anime when I was 18 and we hung out like 3 times.

>> No.17775254

I actually just graduated in December and I'm thinking the same thing. How on earth do people make new friends?

I'm fortunate that I'm still close enough with my friends from high school and I mostly just hang out with them now. My college friends and I were never that close, so it's not like we'll keep in touch, despite my wanting to. I'd actually like to be friends with a few of my favorite professors, but I'm too autistic to contact them and ask to hang out or anything.

What other anons have said itt is good advice, you just have to force yourself into social situations. Either get friends at work or elsewhere. Before c virus I'd often go to the local anime conventions in the hope of meeting a cute girl who didn't find me physically repulsive, but I can't do that for a while.

I think most people are stuck like this. But you shouldn't ignore internet friends, and I'm not talking about the people on this website, we aren't your friends. I mean if it's possible to meet people and befriend them through something like discord or online gaming. I've been in an online dnd game for almost 2 years, and I'd say my group has a good dynamic and I'd call them my friends despite only talking through discord

Actually two of the players in that game are late 20s, but they're engaged. They've said before that they don't have any friends other than our game group. I thought it was sad when I was in college but now I understand them.

Another friend of mine told me that his parents have no friends and only hang out with each other. Eventually you'll learn to just make do with what you have

>> No.17775288

>>17775254
>I think most people are stuck like this. But you shouldn't ignore internet friends, and I'm not talking about the people on this website, we aren't your friends. I mean if it's possible to meet people and befriend them through something like discord or online gaming. I've been in an online dnd game for almost 2 years, and I'd say my group has a good dynamic and I'd call them my friends despite only talking through discord
Depressing. I don't even talk with my irl friends online, I can't comprehend the level of loneliness that would lead someone to this.

>Another friend of mine told me that his parents have no friends and only hang out with each other. Eventually you'll learn to just make do with what you have
My parents are like this and its not a happy or desirable life.

>> No.17775322

>>17775288
Not everyone thinks the same way about things. What's bad or sad for you isn't the same for other people. I don't even think it's about loneliness, it's just life

>> No.17775341

I feel you, OP. I also have recently moved to a boring suburb for work after graduating college last year. I had two friends in college who moved to different cities; I now have zero friends near me. My coworkers are morons that I have zero in common with, so I have 0 human interaction at work besides getting criticized by my bosses. The only human interaction I've had in this city is when I see this weird girl at this café that I frequent — she is a weird baptist who I believe is trying to recruit me into her "cult". Even so, I sit and talk with her when she's there just to have someone to talk to, even if she ties everything to Jesus and has nothing in common with me.

Though, it's not all hopeless. Some weekends, I'll drive a few hours to see one of my college friends. He's kind of a dick, but we're both losers with no friends so we hang out with each other anyways. Also, another thing that keeps me going is my long-distance girlfriend; we met on a language learning app a few months, I flew out to meet her, and we've been dating ever since. Maybe that's a pathetic way to date, but I'm a pathetic man so I'll take whatever morsel of happiness I can find in this wretched world.

I don't really have any advice to give out. I'm stuck in the same conundrum as you, OP. I'm trying to escape via grad school, but I'm not sure if I'm even going to get accepted. There's no way around it, American society is isolating, lonely, and soul-crushing.

>> No.17775372

>>17774429
Are you larping as ryan gosling from place beyond the pines

>> No.17775404

>>17775254
>How on earth do people make new friends?
The obvious answer is through work but if you’re American at least, you’ll be strongly discouraged from associating with coworkers outside of work.

This is one of the problems with our culture that encourages everyone to put off everything until they’re 35 and move across the country 6 times before they’re 35. What we should be telling people is cherish the relationships you make in high school, in college, in your few years after college and don’t pack your bags every 6 months. Boomers fucked us beyond comprehension in all honesty. Okay, I guess it’s not really boomers but there are so many ways which just generation after generation parents have failed their children here.

>> No.17775432

>>17775372
Nah I'm not that cool. Maybe if I had some tattoos I'd get a gf but as it is now I'm just sad and normies stay away from that.

>> No.17775525

Sad truth is it's actually over.
You have three chances to make real friends in life. I'm not talking about acquaintances or people you kinda know, but people actually close who will stick with you for most of your life.
Those chances are school, college and work.
If you lose the first two kinds and are in a job where it's not possible to form friendships you are done forever unless you take another job and try again.
It's actually easier to get a gf and proxy friends through her than actually making friends yourself. But keep in mind that they are not really your friends but hers, so if you break up you are back to square one.
So download tinder and go to bars and you will (hopefully) meet friends through the girl, not great but better than nothing.
If you can't get a gf get the improvement tips from /fa/ and /fit/, then gf then proxy friends.
Godspeed, lonely anons.

>> No.17775650

>>17775525
this is good advice
kinda a how-to become a hipster/yuppie. Heed his advice, and get going anons

>> No.17775655

>>17772836
is this actually good? I think I should maybe read it

>> No.17775663

>>17773639
>go outside and play ball
>the first time I did this I struct up some great convos
I feel like this has to be bait. How do I play ball alone?

>> No.17775708

>>17772836
What's the TL:DR on this one boys?

>> No.17775806

>>17775525
I suspect you’re still in college or recently out of college but the fact of reality for the large majority of people is that friends from high school and then friends from college will pretty much fade away within a few years of graduating from each so it’s not like it’s this situation where you make your friends and then you have your friends for life. If what you say is true then basically no one has any friends after roughly 26 years old. I can agree that most people will make friends in either school or college but this doesn’t make sense as a rule.