Limerick appreciation post

[Anonymous No.17690166]

Write a limerick or post the best ones.
Since i'm not creative heres a good one

There once was a whore pulling tricks
Who at one time could handle five dicks
She removed her glass eye
As she let out a cry:
"Go tell all of the boys i'll take six!!!"

[Anonymous No.17690307]

>>17690166
There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
Wiping cum off his chin
"If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it!"

[Anonymous No.17690391]

>>17690307
This one is too obvious... mine was too but still.

[Anonymous No.17690412]

There once was a board called /lit/
For actual discussion most unfit
The threads were all bait
But pseuds cannot not hesitate
No wonder the board is so shit

[Anonymous No.17690414]

My cock runneth over with cum
It drippeth its way to your bum
I make you my slave
Now don't misbehave
Lest I beateth that ass like a drum

[Anonymous No.17690457]

wrote this years ago and liked it

[Anonymous No.17690464]

Dick first and pompous I walk
And proudly displaying my cock
When people walk by
The glint in their eye
Tells me they’re new to my block

[Anonymous No.17690485]

Everyone on this board is a queer
When I open a thread I do fear
I'll see shitty reddit tripe
Commies and fascists who fight
Why must I keep coming here

[Anonymous No.17690498]

I came here to learn how to read
A goal I achieved with much speed
I came here to boast
But deleted my post
Now I shitpost nonstop about Sneed

[Anonymous No.17690523]

ALLOW ME TO BE A BIT BLUNT
I WOULD LET THAT OLD HAG SNIFF MY CUNT
YES, IF FLY WOULDN’T POST
SHE COULD INHALE MY ROAST
EACH COMMENT OF HERS—AN AFFRONT

[Anonymous No.17690525]

A boy sat hunched on a rock
With a fiddle string strung to his cock
With every erection
He’d play a selection
By johan sebastian bach

[Anonymous No.17690541]

I once was known to be locked
When I went by the name of 'Chuck'
But now I've been keyed
Since I changed it to Sneed
And so far I've had great luck!

[Anonymous No.17690566]

Perhaps you will come meet my friend
Who knew not banana from bellend
While eating a peach
Down there on the beach
He stuck his tongue in the back end

[Anonymous No.17690751]

>>17690414
KEK LOVE IT
>>17690412
Doesnt flow
>>17690464
Really like this one
>>17690485
No flow but its still decent
>>17690498
Great
>>17690523
I fuck with this
>>17690525
Heard it before but still great
>>17690541
Decent

There once was a nympho named Stan
Who killed his poor wife in a van.
Though slow like a tortoise,
Before rigor mortis
He'd slipped it at last in her can.

[Anonymous No.17690817]

>>17690166
There was once a trollop
Who liked to ride at a gallop
Precociously tempted by a loll'op
Her story of sin so begins:
By the time of thirteen
She was thoroughly unclean
By the time of sixteen
She was a practitioner supreme
By twenty twenty four hundred
Had moaned her name
Whilst conveying her
In her bed's ample frame
To the end of lecherous fame.
How it happened, no one knows,
But the story so goes
She was found by her pantyhose
Hanging, in a sort of improvised
Gallows.
No longer riding but rigid
The hunt quickly grew cold.
But the story by its cunning
Never grows old.

[Anonymous No.17690873]

>>17690817
I'm talking about limericks fucko

[Anonymous No.17690892]

>>17690873
That's a limerick, dimwit

[Anonymous No.17690896]

A nigger took my coat,
A nigger sank my boat.
A nigger stole my bike,
Cheered on by a kike.

My books! My books!
Gone with the gooks.
Kids can not read,
How spooks outbeed.

What can we do,
To those who sue?
Can we go back,
to before the black?

I am now a dream,
Hung by those who scheme.

[Anonymous No.17690903]

>>17690896

[Anonymous No.17690914]

>>17690892
>>17690896
Stop faggots

[Anonymous No.17691026]

Bump

[Anonymous No.17691173]

>>17690751
Love that one me

[Anonymous No.17691184]

>>17691173
i love it too, anon

[Anonymous No.17691341]

>>17691173
The one i loved is you or you loved... mine?

[Anonymous No.17691527]

With new teeth plus with whoring illegal
She'd kept eyes on her purse like an eagle.
When a man couldn't pay
She had ruined his day
As she circumcised him with a kegel

[Anonymous No.17691593]

>>17690523
I KNOW YOU HAVE READ THIS BY NOW
SO CLOSE 4CHAN AND SNIFF, YOU OLD COW
HALF YOUR AGE I’M A CATCH
HAVE A WHIFF OF MY SNATCH
ANCIENT SIMP WIPE THE SWEAT FROM YOUR BROW

[Anonymous No.17691685]

>>17691593
Bad. Both of your posts. Get good

[Anonymous No.17691702]

>>17691685
Making limericks with all my boys
I see this dumb fag post some white noise
“I do not approve”
“This post was a bad move”
Stupid roastie, here you have no voice

[Anonymous No.17691714]

>>17691685
>>17691702
Wait—let me revise my reply
if you happen to be Butterfly
get down on your knees
and then huff my panties
but don’t post on days ending in “y”

[Anonymous No.17691765]

As they go about triggered and shaking
My belly goes jiggling and quaking, the laughter aching
I find it baseless when they say math is racist
Nowadays one sees many such graceless cases
Soon it will be the moon, robbed of its job
because in at midnight its light is white!
It is time to finish my ditty, before things get shitty
Because if word ever gets out that I wrote this sample
It will be my time to pout for it is I that got canceled.

[Anonymous No.17691852]

There once was a silly old twit
Down on his bench he would sit
With nary a glance
At his new pair of pants
He instantly filled them with shit

[Anonymous No.17691923]

>>17690166
Reddit and cunny and sneed
Are all of the shit that I see
Whenever I browse
This site that allows
The things that will put me at ease

You thought I would harp on the chon
When in fact of this place I am fond
I love this gay place, the glorious pace
In which posts are so written and gone

And here lies the janny and mod
Who chose to rebel against god
And stuck with the fitness
Of humorous witness
I hope they do pay them alot

[Anonymous No.17692833]

I would read a book if I could
My attention is not what it should
With my eyes upon /lit/
It has turned into shit
And my taste, it is no longer good

[Anonymous No.17692896]

There once came a man from /pol/
He travelled around all the boards to troll
He came telling tales of bad niggers
Now when I see them I get the jitters
And I can’t look at kikes at all

[Anonymous No.17692950]

Observe the /lit/ poster if you please
He lives out his days with great ease
He shits himself in a can
His life didn’t go to plan
And his basement smells of knob cheese

[Anonymous No.17692988]

There once was a man from Drogheda
His wife, when he could, he would feed her
Though her size did expand
Yet more he'd demand
Yes, he was architecturally eager

[Anonymous No.17693288]

TEN LIMERICK BOOK SUMMARIES
--------------------------------------------------

Identify all ten and win a valuable BTC prize! (To be eligible for a prize, contestants must be 18+, female and two-dimensional.)

---

A gentleman somewhere in Spain
Reads stories which muddle his brain:
His plans all go wrong,
But he keeps right along
Till his follower thinks he's insane.

---

This book is first-rate, most agree,
But it's too long and boring for me:
It's just endless dissection
Of Sapphic affection
And dipping your cake in your tea.

---

You know you've gone badly astray,
When a leopard keeps blocking your way.
You're scared it's the end,
But a dead QT sends
You a ghost to help make things OK.

---

A man spends ten years in a cave,
And then claims "It's disciples I crave!"
What first meets his eyes?
A funambulist dies:
So he says "Well done sir, you were brave."

---

Your neighbour's a filthy old witch:
So finish her off — you'll be rich!
But you cannot get past
Your own conscience. At last
You just turn yourself in. Life's a bitch.

---

This unwanted guest is a pain;
He comes back again and again,
Till a bouncer's called in
To put paid to his sin —
Then his mother goes round to complain!

---

When something is shiny and rare,
It's perhaps not the best thing to wear:
You've a long way to go
To get rid of it (though
Why on earth not just travel by air?)

---

His landlady's dull conversation
Increases our hero's frustration:
Having rented a room
He then finds he's a groom —
Still, he does enjoy *one* compensation.

---

This book isn't hard. It's a breeze:
Just follow four siblings. Of these,
One's hate makes us shiver,
One jumps in the river,
One's dopey and one smells of trees.

---

Our hero is due to be killed,
But his friend is judicious and skilled:
She wards off his fate
By explaining he's great —
And then perishes, feeling fulfilled.

---

[Anonymous No.17693344]

>>17693288
>Our hero is due to be killed,
>But his friend is judicious and skilled:
>She wards off his fate
>By explaining he's great —
>And then perishes, feeling fulfilled.

OH SHIT, I KNOW THIS ONE! STARSHIP TROOPERS!

[Anonymous No.17694006]

>>17690751
Fire
>>17691527
Fantastic
>>17692833
Pretty decent
>>17692896
Flow could be better
>>17692950
Decent
>>17692988
I fuck with this, we need more feeder limericks
>>17693288
Don quixote
In search of lost time? Havent read it tho
Divine comedy?
Thus spake zarathustra
Crime and punishment
Not sure
Not sure
Not sure
Sound and the fury (based)
Not sure
This post was really fun!

[Anonymous No.17694052]

You fucks waste every day
Shitposting and being gay
How about you read a book
Instead of fapping at a gook
These posts is all you read today

[Anonymous No.17694066]

There once was a man named Hegel,
Who filtered pseuds without fail.
They have his book on their shelves,
But only made it to page twelve,
Comprehending it they were unable.

[Anonymous No.17694075]

>>17694052
Bro check your meter and get back to me
>>17694066
You too

[Anonymous No.17694099]

>>17694075
Mine is flawless. Stop being a faggot.

[Anonymous No.17694103]

>>17693344
Lol wut. It's meant to be a child's book.

[Anonymous No.17694115]

>>17694099
Mine is flawless too. That boomer thinks we're gonna write anapaestics

[Anonymous No.17694136]

>>17694075

My cock goes deep in your ass,
Into your rectum I pass,
You squeal like a French whore,
As you beg me for more,
Reminder you will never be a lass.

[Anonymous No.17694180]

>>17694099
I chinchecked a poster with facts
Who writes like intestinal tracts.
His verse is so shitty
It's really a pity
But its hard to expose him with tact

[Anonymous No.17694183]

>>17691341
I liked the one about the nympho, but there are a lot of good ones here

[A Limerick for the Latex Aller(...) No.17694239]

>>17694115
These faggots are formally trash
And instead of inflicting a gash
I'll go rape them with latex
My orgasm's apex
Occurs with they're swelling and rash

[Anonymous No.17694253]

He mused how many niggers there are,
As he gazed at the horizon far.
To the beat of Sweet Dreams,
A revelation it seems,
"You can go anywhere you want in a car."

[Anonymous No.17694300]

I should work but i refuse my fate
where's the commie overtake it's late
or the reich or the chuds
or the gods or the floods
all were wrong nothing left except for bait

[Anonymous No.17694322]

>>17690166
There once was a town called Fuck
Where every person was stuck;
Everyone was quite whorish,
Everyone was too boarish,
And nobody had any luck.

[Anonymous No.17694326]

>>17694239
>starts with an iambic foot

[Anonymous No.17694347]

>>17694136
>>17694115
>>17694099
Your limericks who's metric contortions
Are written with jarring proportions
I'm thinking "hell no"
Cause its terrible flow
And your poems make better abortions

[Anonymous No.17694355]

>>17694326
>doesn't understand what a clipped stress is

[Anonymous No.17694385]

>>17694355
Clipped syllable* but still facts.
Niggas on /lit/ really dont understand meter. Its sad.

[Anonymous No.17694398]

>>17694385
Imagine how autistic you need to be to talk about meter in a limerick thread. Like holy fuck dude.
This is the first semi-decent thread on /lit/ in weeks and there's always some colossal king-sized faggot like you who needs to shit on the fun. I legit hope you kill yourself.

[Anonymous No.17694441]

>>17694347
my good friend dear boy have some booze
no dont worry i shan't lecture on jews
it's more simple than that
do not stand remain sat
one thing just: that ain't how you spell "whose"

[Anonymous No.17694460]

>>17694398
>tfw you dont realize limericks have meter and hate thinking about anything structurally.
Your an idiot. Limericks have meter to give them better flow. Kek, brainlet

[Anonymous No.17694471]

>>17694398
There once was an anon who seethed
Whose anger you wouldn't believe
He sucked on my cock
From whence he would stop
To look up and say "I'm sorry"

[Anonymous No.17694480]

A comely young girl named Lewinsky
Played tunes on a flute made of skinsky:
When she knelt on the floor
Mr Clinton cried: "You're
A musician to rival Stravinsky!"

[Anonymous No.17694492]

A lecherous rascal named Rex
Uncovered his organ of sex;
But the judge let him go,
Saying "Everyone knows
That de minimis non curat lex".

[Anonymous No.17694500]

>>17694441
I agree that on "whose" you are right
But notice your asshole's too tight.
Still your metrics are fucked
And the reading's all mucked
'Cause you still haven't learned how to write.

[Anonymous No.17694501]

>>17694398
There once was an anon who seethed
Whose anger you wouldn't believe
He sucked on my cock
From whence he would stop
To look up and say "anon sorry"

[Anonymous No.17694502]

You have to be cunning and skilled
To join our articulate guild:
You'll just make us laugh
If you can't write a ½
Or a capital Ñ with a tilde.

[Anonymous No.17694549]

>>17694502
*Old black guy looks up from his shrimping boat*

Now that's what I call lymerickino, boy

[Anonymous No.17694598]

>>17694500
What the fuck did you say you lil bitch
Don't post another one of your kitch
Or I swear to good god
I'll bring down the jihad
And I'll stream your beating on Twitch

[Anonymous No.17694599]

>>17694502
Grug like

[Anonymous No.17694636]

>>17694598
To be honest that poem was funny
But lets get something changed here my hunny.
If your asshole i'd raid
And we both could get paid
I'd be cool with us splitting the money.

[Anonymous No.17694716]

>>17694006
>we need more feeder limericks
'Twas a small little girl from New Delhi
She would eat as I played with her belly
I would feed her with grease
And her waistline increase
In the end, she was jiggly like jelly

[Anonymous No.17694750]

>>17694103
Nah, it's the scene where Dizzy dies in Starship Troopers, I win

[Anonymous No.17694782]

>>17694492
>de minimis non curat lex
FLAMES
This thread is fucking gold too.
>>17694500
>>17694502
>>17694598
>>17694636
>>17694716
>>17694347
>>17694239
>>17694180
GREAT

[Anonymous No.17694826]

>>17690166
There once was a thot who slept on a cot
A single thought she had not
No money had she so men she did see
Who paid her bills and wrote her into her wills
And from whom she collected alimonies
When she said she loved them it was false testimonies
She was, as we say, a phony
Yet simps she still had, though it makes one mad
At least we can be glad that her charms worked on all but Chad.

[Anonymous No.17694835]

>>17694826
>her wills
their wills
:/

[Anonymous No.17694884]

>>17694826
Bad

There once was a nigga who failed.
He aint know what a limerick entailed.
Three feet to some lines
With two twos intertwined
And when told that, the nigga had wailed.

[Anonymous No.17694927]

Though it may not be trendy, nothing pleases like a meal of tendies
Whether crispy or from wendy's, I will always find them trendy
Crunchy are they , and many chickens to be slain'd
So that this fact may be explained
Mother serves them to me on a platter
When hunger returns it is all that matters
On my bib the sauce splatters
With such a feast I cannot be gladder
If the foolish woman does not serve them fast
She will hear me rage and thrash and feel my wrath
Only through a plate of tendies may my fire be sated
Let it be said that my taste for them cannot be abated.

[Anonymous No.17694938]

>>17694884
A triggered roastie once replied to my post
Little did they know that their ass was toast
A lousy opinion did they boast
And this truth was as transparent as a ghost

[Anonymous No.17694952]

This has been a wonderful thread
It’s been better by far than sliced bread
So feel free to insult me
With some creative poetry
I will be so sad when it’s dead

[Anonymous No.17694958]

>>17694636
Yours was not the worst for a fag
Even if it doesn't have my swag
You have talent I admit
At writing posts on /lit/
But beyond this one bar you must gag

[Anonymous No.17695003]

>>17694952
We should do this shit again one day
Maybe it distracts from politics this way
It will fix our sorry board
Whose quality has floored
Ha-ha just kidding these threads are gay

[Anonymous No.17695010]

>>17694938
Your proving my point you dumb kike
But your post, to be honest, i like.
Its good all of your woes
And exhuberance shows
So keep writing some more! JK SIKE.

[Anonymous No.17695019]

>>17694782
>Look up the latin limerick online in case he stole it
>"No results found"

Damn, anon wrote that one all by himself and it was pretty damn good

[Anonymous No.17695032]

>>17694938
Not even him, but holy shit you're bad at this. Are you ESL or something? Jesus.

Even if you're NOT esl, just lie and say you are. It'll help you save face.

[Anonymous No.17695043]

>>17695010
kek

[Anonymous No.17695058]

>>17695010

[Anonymous No.17695097]

>>17695043
>>17695058
I dunked on a roastie in verse
And thrust his dumb ass in a hearse
Now all of these posters
Are loving the roaster
If the roastie wants more he'll get worse.

[Anonymous No.17695116]

I don't know how to write those.

[Anonymous No.17695134]

>>17695097
He tried to come back from the grave
This anon who's awfully brave
For he failed on the first
And then he did worse
I'm willing to bet that he's gay

[Anonymous No.17695135]

>>17695010
One can't help but boggle
That this clown cannot appreciate doggerel
Autism prevents it, so he vents it
He thinks limericks are Shakespeare
But that's only because he's a queer

[Anonymous No.17695171]

>>17695116
The first line shall end in a [RHYME]
Again at the end of this [LINE]
You make a small (point)
So you can (anoint)
A final rhyme of the third [KIND]

[Anonymous No.17695180]

>>17695135
.........................Jesus fucking Christ, bro. What the fuck are you doing?

[Anonymous No.17695201]

>>17695135
I love this anon's poems so much
Whoever hates them is out of touch
They're funny to read
And funny they breed
If this board's a hag then he's the clutch

[Anonymous No.17695207]

>>17695135

[Anonymous No.17695214]

>>17695135
This pussy is corn cobbed and singed
'Cause i flamed him so hard that he whinged
And now all his hair
Is burnt and the air
Is smelling of barbecued minge.

[Anonymous No.17695253]

>>17694826
>>17694938
>>17695135
I haven't slept in 24 hours, so I don't know if it's ACTUALLY funny or if I'm just sleep deprived, but I just want you to know that these three "limericks" made me laugh so hard I started coughing up blood. You're trolling, right? You're trying to be funny so you're trolling? I showed them to my girlfriend, and we literally both just fell on top of each other laughing. This shit is hysterical to me for some reason.

[Anonymous No.17695271]

>>17695214
Alright, he's had enough, give him time to breathe

[HOLD ME BACK No.17695277]

>>17695271
I'm bout to end this man's whole career.

[Anonymous No.17695279]

>>17690166
Second line only scans right if you read opinions as disyllabic (wrong). Fix

[Anonymous No.17695288]

>>17690166
OP, you realize that meter is an important part of limericks, right?

[Anonymous No.17695305]

Shouldn't you fucks be reading tonight
Instead of writing a pathetic rhyme
No talent or skill
Please yourselves kill

[Anonymous No.17695307]

>>17695279
Oh go fuck yourself. You're like that person in highschool english class who was too afraid to pronounce "symmetry" as "sy-muh-try" in "Tiger Tiger Burning Bright", even though that's how it's supposed to be read.

Art isn't all about precision, you know. Why don't you be creative for once in your life?

[Anonymous No.17695317]

>>17695277
No! Anon-sama! Don't do it!

[Anonymous No.17695319]

>>17695288
>>17695279
Idiots. Its okay to wrench syllables a little in a playful verse form, adds whimsy. Just dont make the count too fucked up or wrench them too hard

[Anonymous No.17695325]

>>17695288
>>17695279
Post your limericks

[Anonymous No.17695331]

>>17695116
You seem to be saddled with woes.
Be happy! We'll help you compose:
End your phrases in time
(Making sure they all rhyme)
And it's almost as easy as prose!

[Anonymous No.17695362]

>>17695214
>>17695097
>>17695010
>>17694884
SHEESH. The story of Ananon.

[Anonymous No.17695386]

>>17695307
>>17695319
Cope

[Anonymous No.17695441]

>>17695319
it doesn't add whimsy, it fucks up the whimsy

[Anonymous No.17695449]

>>17690525
This scans alright but you can't pronounce Bach. Replace last like with "by Purcell, Handel and Locke"

[Anonymous No.17695457]

I was going to meet / based on pics of her feet / a nice lass born in Inverness
I was hoping to find / someone of a like mind / with an ass that I could caress
Even though it was dark when we met
She seemed fine as the sun had just set
I discovered with fright / in the bright morning light / that I'd slept with a man in a dress

[Anonymous No.17695477]

>>17694253
One evening, his veins full of booze,
Our hero was out for a cruise:
"Are there nigs in this hood?
I don't care. It's all good:
With a car you can go where you choose!"

[Anonymous No.17695495]

>>17695441
Dipshit cope from somebody who doesn't know what a substitution is, write your own limerick. Theres nothing worse in metered poetry than robotic adherence to predictable verse patterns.
Also if you want to think about it that way think of gerard manley hopkins's stresses. When you put two spondees in a row the second one is always less stressed. Eg - "my wring-world right foot rock." Wring, right, and rock are the strong stresses there. I've read people who argue that two spondees beside eachother is literally impossible if read fluidly.
This goes without saying, but your trying to bury your shitty limericks that got dunked on in a large post because you just learned what meter is and are feeling self conscious about it.

[Anonymous No.17695523]

>>17695495
>what a substitution is
A substitution is something you use for a reason not out of laziness

[Anonymous No.17695537]

>>17693288
> This unwanted guest is a pain;
Confederacy of Dunces?

>When something is shiny and rare
LOTR

[Anonymous No.17695541]

>>17694180
Finally a metrically non-shit poem

[Anonymous No.17695579]

>>17695523
>post is too well thought out to critique all of it so i'll nitpick the first bit i can
Stupid.
This poster's a dipshit and bitch
Who's up his own ass when i pitch
When hearing him call
From intestinal walls
I push deeper to give him a squish

[Anonymous No.17695582]

>>17690166
>>17690464
>>17690751
Nice
>>17690307
>>17690414
>>17690485
>>17690498
>>17690523
>>17690525
eh
>>17690412
>>17690566
>>17690541
bad

there once was a comic from providence
who'd take any gig in his cockiness
he spoke at symposia
to combat fatphobia
but bombed from the size of the audience

[Anonymous No.17695593]

>>17695495
there are legitimate reasons to break meter. Yours was done because you have no sense of meter and no discernible talent

[Anonymous No.17695598]

>>17695582
>Skipped over mine

Man, fuck you, because of that I'm not critiquing yours

[Anonymous No.17695601]

>>17695593
You literally complemented one of mine in another comment but ok faggot. Stay mad and drink my word piss.

[Anonymous No.17695606]

>>17695477
kek, good one

[Anonymous No.17695717]

>>17695601
I haven't complimented any in this thread. You realize there are multiple posters on this website, right?

[Anonymous No.17695728]

>>17695579
The poster's been drinking your pee
And is kneeling beneath you with glee
But he wishes he'd known
Before catching a stone
'Cause it choked him before it was seen

[Anonymous No.17695746]

>>17695537
LOTR yes. The first one, no. It's a very old poem

[Anonymous No.17695754]

>>17695717
Open wider for daddy

[Anonymous No.17695823]

>>17693288
>Don Quixote
>In Search of Lost Time?
>Dante's Inferno
>Thus Spake Zarathustra ?
>Crime and Punishment
>Beowulf!
>LOTR
>??????????
>The Sound and the Fury
>Charlotte's Web

[Anonymous No.17695822]

>>17695754
what for? you're already too small to touch both cheeks at once

[Anonymous No.17695841]

an exhibitionistic czech
decided to fuck on his deck
but repair-wise it lacked
the railing was cracked
and that's how the man broke his neck

[Anonymous No.17695864]

>>17695823
Yes, all correct. Number 8 is a big /lit/ favourite. Hint: 20th century novel written in the USA

[Anonymous No.17695880]

let me interject for a minute
what you're referring to as linux
is in fact gnu
since it has my code too
and my work I dont want to diminish

[Anonymous No.17695993]

>>17695880
kek

[Anonymous No.17696126]

>>17695864
....could it be Lolita?

[Anonymous No.17696138]

>>17696126
It could.

[Anonymous No.17696607]

>>17693288
Literary limericks needs to be a new Jeopardy category!

[Anonymous No.17696609]

a fag once called himself a chick
went so far as to cut off his dick
but no one called him "her"
so he shilled a philosopher
whose last name was land, first name nick

[Anonymous No.17696703]

i'll give it a shot but i'm very low iq.

There once was a young man from /b/
Who liked too shitpost with glee
He was a smelly neet
That was aroused by feet
Soon he'll be banned by janny

[Anonymous No.17696825]

>>17696609
virgins estimated to weigh
300 pounds on a good day
make threads threads day and night
on the same old website
for a stinky french muslim renè

[Anonymous No.17696889]

>>17696825
a man not quite right in the head
who's revolution left only three dead
gets shilled by meme drones
who spend life on their phones
and who all call him their uncle ted

[Anonymous No.17696921]

[Anonymous No.17696932]

>>17690414
incorrect usage of Early Modern English verb endings

[Anonymous No.17696954]

>>17696889
an underaged pimply creature
rejects the teachings of his preacher,
goes out of his way
to call religion gay
and always quotes that line from nietzche

[Sodomy is based No.17697068]

>>17696954
An atheist shaking his fist
At religion is coming off pissed.
He says "bro come at me,"
The theist says "haply,"
Emerging with shit to his wrist.

[Anonymous No.17697098]

I want her to suck on my penis
inanimate but of a genus
how her mouth was too small
and too big were my balls
Her name was: Flytrap of Venus

[Anonymous No.17697134]

>>17697098
I want her to suck on my penis
inanimate but of a genus
how her mouth is too small
and too big are my balls
Her name was: Flytrap of Venus

changed tense so it reads better

[Anonymous No.17697171]

I came to this thread to read rhyme
But I sadly find most of the time
That anons can’t adhere
To a simple meter
They’re clearly all low IQ swine

[King Coprophilia No.17697180]

>>17697134
I hid down an outhouse to scare
And a friend hadn't seen me in there
I reached for his rump
And i felt a wet lump
With a spatter and sharp burst of air.

[Anonymous No.17697201]

Look how the zoomer zooms
He whom from room to room booms
Barely out of the womb one only assumes
That his is a generation doomed
Soon by debt and chaos entombed
Yet always yeeting, ever fleeting
How the zoomer zooms and zooms

Part II, boomer edition
Look how the boomer booms
Always he consumes and consumes a diet of prunes
Sooner than soon he will be in the tomb
But so arrogantly he presumes
That kid these days are always just high on shrooms
Boomer boomer, how he looms
Judging this and that
old and fat yet with the mood of a brat
How he fumes and fumes

[Anonymous No.17697214]

>>17697171
There once was a nigga named Seth
Who was clearly a waste of good breath.
When he searched for some verse
On a board thats this cursed
I said "nigga you must be on meth"

[FUCK SOUTHERNERS No.17697302]

There once was a southerner - Willie
Who, fucking his daughter quite silly,
Said "listen up Cass,
You don't give me yer ass
And i'll murder you, bitch, i mean really"

[Anonymous No.17697353]

>>17697214
There once was a pessimist on
A board that itself liked to shit on
He self-deprecated
And proclaimed that he hated
The culture that his own thoughts spring from

[Anonymous No.17697463]

>>17694492
Brilliant.

[Anonymous No.17697469]

>>17690166
Look how the coomer cooms
All day in his room shooting spume
Whether late at night or at noon
He remains cocooned, right arm ballooned
From yanking it and cranking it
Even spanking it, as if on an island marooned
Up to his ankles in a lagoon of coom
Coomer coomer how he wishes he could groom
The teenage bimbos which will be his doom

[Anonymous No.17697746]

>>17697469
That poem is better forgotten.
The "ooo" sound is used far to often.
When your boi DNF's
You must learn how to chef
A limerick that aint as exhaustin'.

[Anonymous No.17697800]

>>17695305
trash

[Anonymous No.17697805]

>>17695495
why does every thread end up in arguing

[Anonymous No.17697833]

>>17697201
>>17696609
kek

[Anonymous No.17697908]

There once was a man who had gills
Who performed cunnilingus with skill
When his girlfriend kept squirtin'
The man wasn't hurtin'
And gave her a million thrills

[Anonymous No.17697939]

>>17695864
I liked that one the most, you did a great job in being subtle.

[Anonymous No.17697970]

>>17690166
Every morning and evening I coom,
My soul surely descending towards doom.
Though I know it is wrong,
I still pummel my dong,
And with jizz caulk the stones of my tomb.

[Anonymous No.17697990]

Truth be told, not to be bold
I don't even know what a limerick is
Yes it is true that even of those that do
I couldn't be bothered to mimic
To me it's just a gimmick
Perhaps , you say, I should know my limit
Two shits I could give, not one bit
Any way you spin it.

[Anonymous No.17698009]

>>17697970
Great ideas but maaaan the 2nd line sucks. No flow.

Every morning and evening i coom
And my fapkins, ubiquitous, loom.
Though i know it is wrong
I still pummel my dong
And with jizz caulk the stones of my tomb.

[Anonymous No.17698021]

>>17698009
Not morally lofty enough. It's a poem of dread, not a sin-boast.

[Anonymous No.17698032]

>>17691714
Can I sniff them instead, I'll take deep gasps

[Anonymous No.17698095]

>>17698021
Change fapkins to tissue then idk


When my uncle had left
My asshole was cleft
And i missed him so much i could die

He told me we'd sail
But uncle's in jail
And i'm cleaning his splooge from my eye.

The splooge on my sheets
And the hardness of seats
Is all i'll remember him by.

[Anonymous No.17698250]

>>17695135
The roastie replied to my post
Though seething her curtains were moist
I'll do my good deed
and (you)'s I will feed
To the broad with the cocklust unvoiced

[Anonymous No.17698322]

When you gaze on Herr Nietzsche's big sister,
You feel sad she's long dead, and you've missed her:
Then her look of disdain
Lights a fuse in your brain,
And you fap till your cock has a blister.

[Anonymous No.17698327]

In spite of my care to ingest
good food and some fruit at breakfast
I never eat veg
Only pork and boiled eggs
And my shit is as dense as tent pegs

[Anonymous No.17698424]

An anus, a bad thing to waste
filled with valuable gas and brown paste
I fill it with water
and chortle with laughter
as I shart the whole lot on my face

[WAKE UP SNEEDTZSCHEFAGS No.17698431]

>>17698322
FUCCING CCECC

When Sneedtzsche's big sister redressed him
The thought he's transgender oppressed him.
Every book was a cope
Without any hope
No escape from those thoughts - he repressed 'em.

[Anonymous No.17698452]

>>17698322
When elisabeth told me to pipe her
That elderly booty was riper.
My gargantuan schlong
Made her scream like a bomb
And elisabeth had to wear diapers.

[Anonymous No.17698455]

A void to the world in my rectum
stacked with pennies cuz that's how I invest 'em
when I go to the bank
and the teller I thank
he smells his hand and then retches, erm

[Anonymous No.17698532]

Brother, please grant me some oats
Nay, said his kin, grant I don't
You beg of a feeding
With no care for my needing
If you steal from my plate I'll be toast

[Anonymous No.17698550]

>>17698532
Kek love u bb

[Anonymous No.17698741]

'Bucko' cried a skinny man
he raced and sang across the land
'Clean your room' and 'brush your teeth'
'Watch Pinocchio and Lion King'
'We're lost without out you mister P'
'Take your place in the heirarchy!'
'Will I ever be a woman?'
'Never dude, your gender's frozen!'
'Are SJWs kinda right?'
'NO!' he screams 'They suck at life!'
Speech is sacred for conveying meaning
'Censorship is commie leaning!'
Carl Jung warned us about the shadow
'Integrate it and be commando!'
Work real hard and believe in beauty
'Don't takes benzos friend, believe me!'
Women keep on doing man stuff
'Career or family, the choice is tough!'
'So what you're saying is that you hate women?'
'I'm extremely accurate when speaking Newman!'
He flits and flurries
He speaks in riddles
He shakes and worries
He's in a coma
Our fingers twiddle
He flies to Russia
He's back again
This shit's meshuggah!
Lazurus just eat your heart out
Time for a steak, just cut the rest out
Can't debate him, he'll beat the best out
He's given clues, now find the rest out
All in all it's quite the journey
Sound advice from someone quirky

[Anonymous No.17699666]

>>17696138
I made some Book Summaries too. See if you guys can figure these ones out:

There once was a man with a spouse
Who never could handle his house
His prospect's weren't groovy
As shown in the movie
and reality it came to douse.

There once lived a man of the sea
Who travelled the world to a T
He saw small, big and bold,
and the foolish, the old
but ended up on /mlp/

There once was a travelling group
Who used an unusual "sloop"
7 started alive,
only 6 would arrive
and one a mysterious dupe

[Anonymous No.17699710]

>>17698741
I hate peterson too but my gawd get better at shitposting

[Anonymous No.17699734]

>>17698741
beautiful, i don't even particularly like or dislike peterson (i actually credit him for introducing me to non-physicalist thought as embarrassing as it is to admit that, but eventually grew to find him a bit cringe to be desu) but this is pretty funny

[Anonymous No.17700048]

>>17698532
oatsposting revival when

[Anonymous No.17700321]

There once was a man from new york
Who are women’s’ livers like pork
But they weren’t really dead
‘Twas all in his head
The dreams of a sad yuppie dork

[Anonymous No.17700326]

There once was a lad with a wang,
That when unfurled it did hang,
Well past the knee,
For all folk to see,
And the lasses to his door they rang

[Anonymous No.17700374]

A black nigger just stole my bike,
An action I did not much like,
If that nigger gets busted
It can surely be trusted,
I'll mount nigger's head on a pike