why are e-celeb books so shit?

[Anonymous No.17678860]

'she did what to her child?' edish
I am anticipating the day that Jenny Nicholson publishes her first book, with a sort of morbid curiosity given that shes a You-pseud.

[Anonymous No.17678878]

FOR SALE: BABY SHOES, BABY BORTED

[Anonymous No.17678882]

Let's see your books

[smoker !HOZlQYR1MY No.17678893]

>>17678860
I don't remember the name of the essay, but DFW did a great one about why ghostwritten books by athletes are so bad. Perhaps its the same running issues regarding e-celebs and celeb books in general.

[Anonymous No.17678905]

>why are e-celeb books so shit?
most people's books are shit. some happen to be e-celebs. lindsay ellis is alright though.

[Anonymous No.17678920]

>>17678905
A post this milquetoast must come from a roastie. Delicate little soft silky hands typed this. I kiss your little baby soft munchkin hands roastie. Now get out.

[Anonymous No.17678921]

>>17678882
How did she get published, anon? Surely someone as unknown as Lindsay Ellis would have a difficult time finding an agent, or someone to publish her book. You don't think she somehow used her fame to get her book published, do you?

[Anonymous No.17678931]

>>17678920
omg

[Anonymous No.17678937]

>>17678893
is it because they come across as inauthentic?

[Anonymous No.17678940]

>>17678905
>lindsay ellis is alright though

[Anonymous No.17678951]

>>17678878
also based

[Anonymous No.17678958]

>>17678921
same as how she got onto that website
she secksed the right people and borted the babies

[Anonymous No.17678966]

>>17678893
Do you mean How Tracy Austin Broke my Heart? If I remember right he goes on to say how though she was a very good tennis player, she really didn’t have that much personality outside of being a good tennis player?

[smoker !HOZlQYR1MY No.17678970]

>>17678937
It's because they don't know how to write, nor do they think too much because their job involves reaction as opposed to well thought out and planned action. Ghost writers all write the exact same book but change the name because the tropes are so easy and suburban mothers all lap it up. Why would someone who stands in front of a camera suddenly be good at writing long form 400 page books about themselves or a particular subject?

[Anonymous No.17678978]

It would have to suck being her. Brainwashed into this half baked materialism, she kills her kid and has to live the rest of her life filling the void that created. There is nothing more pathetic than a 35 year old childless woman. They're like trannies in a way that when I see them I can absolutely know that they're addicted to porn. When I see these washed up broads I can know that they valued drugs and cock over what's good in life. In both cases they're empty shells of human beings and if they're strong enough to avoid suicide they're going to be miserable the older they get, and the makeup becomes less effective at hiding who they are.

[smoker !HOZlQYR1MY No.17678997]

>>17678966
Yeah, the part of it that stuck out to me was his explanation of athletes who simply act and react to stimuli instead of constantly analyzing it and thats why they can't write or do decent interviews because the whole
>"How did you feel about this game?"
>"well, we scored more points and worked hard"
is literally the extent they "think" about things.

[Anonymous No.17679016]

>>17678978
I always think the saddest thing about Lindsay Ellis and other fuckups like Contrapoints is that they're clearly smart and creative, they aren't total retards or anything, but they live in a world (woke progressivism) where the smartest you're allowed to be is a midwit. The highest post in the land is "peak midwit." Anything above that is too elitist for the progressive worldview. So they hit that point and then try to lie to themselves that their hordes of literally mentally retarded normalfag fans are enough to fill the void, as you say, but you know damn well that tranny fag Contrapoints sees the normies as demi-conscious subhumans. Lindsay probably does too but lies to herself that "we're all equal, we're all just having fun on this wild wacky earth :^) time to go to another theme park, I love fun!" and that it's a perfectly good use of her mind and her creativity to make watered-down critical theory videos about Disney remakes.

She must constantly sense that she is the queen of the kiddie table. She must feel the at least occasional vertigo of being an adult in a room full of children, with no exits. But she's stuck, what's she gonna do, redo the last 20 fucking years of adulthood and base her life on something other than her MA in film studies? After all, she excelled beyond her mediocre normie peers in regurgitating the progressive crit theory jargon stuff and doing creative pop culture critiques, and it made her stand out when she was 22! That's worh building a life on! She was destined for this!

It has to eat away at them. People capable of great creativity and productivity were simply not meant to lie to themselves that the plebs are their peers forever. You don't have to despise the plebs to know they're not your peers. Being "head pleb" is not a substitute for letting your excellence shine.

[Anonymous No.17679023]

>>17678860
I really hate that I know who you're talking about

[Anonymous No.17679035]

>>17678860
>could've had a family with Bob
>instead chose to publish shitty genre fiction

[Anonymous No.17679052]

>>17679016
Well said.

[Anonymous No.17679064]

>>17678921
Watch her vid about the process. An agent thought her work had promise and she could demonstrate that she had an audience already. I suspect that her having built an audience with videos, memes, and digital platforms would be part of the pitch an agent would make to publishers.

[Anonymous No.17679084]

>>17678893
why would an athlete ghostwrite a book? don't you usually get a writer to ghostwrite?

[Anonymous No.17679090]

>>17679035
>could've had a family with Bob
There are fates worse than death...

[smoker !HOZlQYR1MY No.17679108]

>>17679084
Ah, my syntax was fucked up there. I mean an athlete who's book is ghost written by someone who isn't the athlete.

[Anonymous No.17679113]

>>17679064
It's more cynical than that. The entire publishing industry now revolves around find influencers who already have audiences and then getting them to write books. You know all those "booktube" girls? What do you think that is? If they have even 10,000 followers on Instagram and Youtube, they can make enough sales to eclipse the profitablity of the average published and promoted fiction book from the '90s and '00s. Back then, publishers had to take chances with promising authors and promote them. Now, the model is much simpler. Find someone who has a captive audience already. It's quite brilliant. But it's also why 98% of new publications are by hyperactive 19 year old airhead teeny boppers writing vampire fantasy romance.

Lindsay Ellis has a massive audience. She will be far more profitable than big name fiction authors of the '90s and '00s who actually receive mainstream media attention and have the wheels greased through paid promotion in rags like the New Yorker. Her Youtube audience and public profile, even as a mediocre retarded woman on the internet, makes her the equivalent of a once in a decade cashcow by '90s publishing industry standards.

[Anonymous No.17679125]

>>17678860
I feel bad for spoony. His only opportunity to be father snatched away from him because lindsneed wanted to spend the rest of her life writing shitty books. That must be really heartbreaking though, you’re good enough for a shag and a laugh but not good enough to have kids with, you can tell that’s what broke him.

[Anonymous No.17679169]

>>17679108
lol I got it, I was just laughing picturing randy moss trying to write some famous dude's autobiography

[Anonymous No.17679214]

>>17678860
Outside of your average retard bashing her novel because "le eceleb sjw boogeyman", what's actually bad about it? I assume it's just your run of the mill YA sci-fi book for the younglings, nothing to get your jimmies rustled over.

[Anonymous No.17679237]

>>17678860
I actually liked the book, but unfortunately, the protagonist didn't fuck the alien, that would have pushed it to a 5/5.

[Anonymous No.17679250]

>>17679214
You write like a fag.

[Anonymous No.17679257]

>>17679250
It's a woman.

>>17679214
The time to post your feet is now.

[Anonymous No.17679332]

>>17679214
Post benin

[Anonymous No.17679404]

ON THE FIRST FUCKING DATE

[Anonymous No.17679414]

>>17679214
You know the rules. If you don't have a sharpie, a finger will suffice

[Anonymous No.17679443]

>>17679125
Spoony is a mental cripple and a hypochondriac, any child of his is better off not being born than having to have him inflicted on them. Especially with that disgusting carrion bird as the mother.

[Anonymous No.17679469]

>>17679443
I thought that the aborted child had an Indian father, I read somewhere that Lindsey didn't want to bring a half poo child into the world

[Anonymous No.17679515]

Id give anything to make that little piggy girl my fartslave ;) Shes may not have talent as to writing but fuck if her nose doenst belong in my ass..

[Anonymous No.17679592]

>>17679515

[Anonymous No.17679601]

>>17678860
haunted womb babykiller

[Anonymous No.17679619]

>>17679515
My friend has dreams about "fart raping" his ex gf. Is this normal?

[Anonymous No.17679710]

>>17679619
Yeah its normal i think as men go to wish domination on a women in the form of our worst excrements, being taken into worship by a whore who betrated us.. I dont agree with abortions and find her repusive so my dream is tie her up her arms and legs and fart and fart into her mouth and nose thrrough a wooden box whilst she screamas and cries and begs for mercy. I would fartrape too;) It is natural man

[Anonymous No.17679774]

>>17679404
SO PASS THE PLATE

[Anonymous No.17680093]

>>17678860
Ok, now write that in english.

[Anonymous No.17680391]

>>17679710
Based

[Anonymous No.17680428]

>>17679250
>>17679257
>>17679332
>>17679414
So I take it you haven't even read it, then? Sure fits the MO of this board.

[Anonymous No.17680471]

>>17678940

kek

[Anonymous No.17680496]

>>17680428
Correct

[Anonymous No.17680547]

Well I don't know about any of that but well what has really been making me giggle lately is this idea this thought that I had the other day of some little African-American or even African student perhaps even graduate he is even quite smart perhaps if a bit effete and with the glasses of course and the close hair who takes it upon himself one day to read even study a bit of Faulkner. He opens up Light in August or Absalom, Absalom! and he knew of course perhaps even understands the need perhaps even is capable of placing himself outside of the reading but every nigger and every negroe and every monkey nigger and baboon and animal grinds on him just that small bit until he is of course incensed is utterly maddened at old Willy Cuthbert Faulkner who died some time ago and well I just giggle I just laugh so hard

[Anonymous No.17680587]

>>17680428
I haven't read a book since 2012.

[Anonymous No.17681059]

>>17679214
It really is trash

>On the morning of the second meteor, Cora’s 1989 Toyota Camry gave up the ghost for good. The car was a manual transmission with a stick shift its previous owner had wrapped in duct tape years ago, a time bomb the color of expired baby food that should have gone off sooner than it did.

I stopped reading when she descrived a character as "a guy that looks he is too munch into panic! At the disco", the book reads like a michael bay movie

[Anonymous No.17681091]

>>17678860
How are you not going to post screencaps? Kids are getting lazier by the day.

[Anonymous No.17681111]

>>17681059
Not that I care to check, but people can't be hyping such garbage, can they? Of course they can, sasuga Linsday.

[F. Gardner No.17681457]

If you anons are interested in something a little less ubiquitous, might I recommend my Call of the Horror series? I have almost all 4-5 star reviews on each of my books and don't rely on a JewTube platform to sell myself, nor did I kowtow to ((their)) big publishing industry.
I implore you all to check out my work. It's only .99 for each book and free with Amazon Prime, which itself comes with a free trial. My books are basically being given away!

[Anonymous No.17681611]

>>17681457
They should read Voice of the Fire instead. It's better, shorter and isn't recommended by an obnoxious namefag.

[Anonymous No.17681625]

>>17681457
Legend. Toasting in an epic bread.

[Anonymous No.17681629]

>>17681457
Remember to report this guy for advertising.

[Anonymous No.17681641]

>>17681457
based
>>17681629
cringe snitch

[F. Gardner No.17681691]

>>17681611
Alan Moore is good, but he doesn't deal with the complex and abstract metaphysical concepts that I do. Also suck my dick.
>>17681629
Suck my dick faggot. If the jannies ban me I'll just switch my IP and come back as G. Fardner, A. Gfrner, D. Fargner, and so on. You'll buy my book one way or another.
>>17681625
>>17681641
Thank you my fellows. I can tell you that you're well read men. Free copies of my books for you until the end of time.

[Anonymous No.17681767]

>>17678860
I don't know why these people always try to be novelists. what she does on youtube with her video essays is criticism/analysis. being able to point out good and bad things in a disney movie doesn't mean you're creative enough or skilled enough to make your own work.

these types would be MUCH better off staying in their own lane and publishing some non fiction work of literary/cultural analysis than trying to write fiction, but instead they can't help but indulge their own fantasy of becoming a famous novelist even though original ideas aren't what they got e-famous for.

[Anonymous No.17681788]

>>17681629
Fuck off. Gardner is /our guy/.

[Anonymous No.17681932]

>>17679016
LOL, you're incredibly insecure. Is it just impossible that you might not be 100% right about how everyone should live their lives? Is there any chance at all that you might not actually be God and know what's best for everyone and what everyone thinks and feels? Absolutely pathetic

[Anonymous No.17681945]

>>17681111
Yes, 2 sentences are absolutely enough to know how the rest of the book is

[Anonymous No.17681948]

Jenny Lawson's book was kinda funny

[Anonymous No.17681958]

>>17681691
You are not the real F. Gardner.

[Anonymous No.17681965]

>>17681932
perfect simulation of a womanpost, nice job

[Anonymous No.17681988]

>>17681932
Who are you to judge people for judging others?

[Anonymous No.17681995]

Doesn't care about her books, post her nudes.

[Anonymous No.17682027]

>>17681995
There arent, but the deepfakes are so perfect it is sublime

[F. Gardner No.17682245]

>>17681958
Any man can become F. Gardner- so long as they're willing to do what it takes.