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/lit/ - Literature


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17607819 No.17607819 [Reply] [Original]

Cast the film/tv adaptation of the meme books.

>> No.17607891
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17607891

>>17607819
John Cena as The Judge

>> No.17607905

Already done:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2Ys1613pvo

>> No.17607959

You first Op. which character? it’s funny, lots of Gardner threads get made, but no one has ever said anything about what’s inside the books. All these people that have supposedly read them making threads all the time to say how “good they are” and how “shocking the twist is”. But no one has one ever provided any detail about what’s inside.

Usually when people make a thread for a book they’ll, yknow, talk about the book. It’s very odd! It’s almost like... no one who posts about it here has read it. It’s almost like everyone who posts about it is a shill. Maybe even the same shill. Isn’t that interesting ?

>> No.17607978

>>17607959
I’ve read em. Ask a specific question and I’ll answer it.

>> No.17607994

>>17607978
What is the name of the most important side character?

>> No.17607997

>>17607994
In which book?

>> No.17608009

>>17607994
Pete appears in almost all of the books. Mark, Johnny, and Sam are in a few of them.

>> No.17608028

>>17607978
Why didn’t you hire an editor?

>> No.17608056

>>17607994
Sneed

>> No.17608166

>>17607959
Jared Leto as Sam.

>> No.17608234

One of these days the IP count might even go up.

>> No.17608454
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17608454

>>17608234
Like clockwork

>> No.17608473

>>17608454
Still 5 IPs.

>> No.17609959

Gardner you have ads stop shoving this shit on lit why can’t we promote other/better authors books?

>> No.17609987

>>17607819
Honestly all this brigading and meme pushing has convinced me to pirate your books

>> No.17610044
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17610044

>>17609987
Yes please do this and post links so he can stop. We need other aspiring up and coming shitty authors on 4chan to drown this shill out.

>> No.17610051

>>17609959
This was on page 10 man... you must be him

>> No.17610052

>still not on libgen

>> No.17610056

>>17607819
>>17607978
>>17607997
>>17608009
>>17608454
Gardner

>> No.17610064

>>17607891
>>17607905
>>17608166
Likely Gardner

>> No.17610079

>>17607959
>>17608234
>>17608473
>>17609987
>>17610044
>>17610051
>>17607994
>>17608028
Not Gardner dude we need you to get back to writing your next classic and stop shilling.

>> No.17610160

>>17610052
I have one of the free copies of Call of the Arcade. It was written using some kind of weird anti-piracy software. I'm not sure if there will ever be torrents of these books. They're already free on Kindle Unlimited. So if you get a free trial of that you can read them all for free without giving any money to (((Gardner)))

>> No.17610184

>>17610160
Nice try Gardner. Surely he sees material
benefit from anyone reading his books through kindle unlimited, which is why he’s mentioned signing up for it about 30 fucking times since November

>> No.17610190
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17610190

>>17610056
>>17610064
No. I am Gardner!

>> No.17610211

>>17610190
Based. I am Gardner!

>> No.17610322

>>17607978
Name the twist to every single book.
Give a basic plot summary for every single book.
Shouldn't be tol hard since you read them all.

>> No.17610330

>>17610160
Dude just type it out in word.

>> No.17610388

>>17610330
I’m not going to retype his whole fucking book.

>> No.17610492

>>17610322
Spoiling twists wouldn't be fair. But i think I can give short summaries about what they're about.

>Call of the Arcade
A couple of kids are looking for Polybus the haunted arcade game. The badguy is looking for it also and the characters all end up getting monsters which are a lot like pokemon and battle.

>Call of the Kappa
Some weeb is obsessed with martial arts and thinks a real life kappa is stalking him. The kappa also knows martial arts.

>Call of the Cherokee
Has all the characters from Call of the Arcade but takes place at a haunted hotel called the Cherokee. The characters begin to fear John Wayne Gacey and Al Capone are inside o the hotel with them are want to kill them.

>Call of the Crocodile
Actually Im going skip doing this one. This book is too fucking confusing to explain.

>Call of the Cradle
It has a baby as the main character. There's a elf/leprechaun trying to kill him and set the city on fire.

>> No.17610566

>>17610492
Kek those are honestly pretty accurate.

>> No.17610780

>>17610492
Those are just the blurbs from Amazon...

>> No.17610838

>>17610780
No they’re not. Look again. If you have any questions about any of the details I have I can go into more detail.

>> No.17610850

>>17610838
He’s right you fucking liar. Those are the amazon descriptions . Unbelievable. Literally nobody has read these books except for Gardner and he doesn’t want to say what’s in them because he’s afraid no one would read them. News flash, no one is reading them anyway.

>> No.17610895

>>17610850
You're lying because I proved you wrong.

>Amazon description of Arcade
A sci-fi horror novel about the most mysterious arcade game ever made. Two friends travel to an arcade in downtown Chicago, which they suspect may contain a haunted arcade machine from urban legends- Polybius. Unknown horrors await them, as they inch ever closer to the truth behind the sinister arcade game.

Nowhere does it make any mention of the Pokemon thing I mentioned.

>Amazon description of Cherokee
A horror/mystery saga into the depths of a haunted theater! Recently reconstructed, the formerly burned down Cherokee Theater is once again open for business. After receiving an invitation, three friends decide to check out the theater, curious as to what all the hype's been about.

Nowhere does it mention Al Capone or John Wayne Gacey which I mentioned.

>Amazon description of Cradle
A single mother and her son are stalked by a ghostly menace in Chicago. A monster, responsible for unspeakable acts, not limited to this world. Set in the aftermath of September 11th, the city of Chicago feels a sense of impending danger, fearing a similar tragedy could occur. A fast paced horror odyssey, which all begins on Halloween.

Where does it say anything about the leprechaun I was describing? Or that he's trying to burn down Chicago? Nowhere.

>> No.17610916

>>17610895
LOL. Jealous internet guy BTFO!

>> No.17610939

>>17610838
Tell me the plot twists. Give me a plot summary I would find on Wikipedia.
You won't.

>> No.17610941

>>17610895
Doesn’t change the thesis. You’re still Gardner, the Ip count count still hasn’t gone up. The only person who knows what’s in your books is you

>> No.17610946

>>17610939
I already said I wouldn’t do that.

>> No.17610957

>>17610941
>10 people in the thread.
>Thinks only 1 person has read it and is the writer himself.

Yea sure buddy.

>> No.17610973

>>17610957
Only 2 distinct IPs are pro Gardner. I’ve been here the whole time so I’ve been paying attention. That’s a computer and a cell phone. You’ve been doing this since at least November. Think I was born yesterday ?

>> No.17610975

>>17610946
Ok then you haven't read the books as far as I'm concerned. Give me a summary or shut the fuck up cunt.

>> No.17610989

>>17610973
>Only 2 distinct IPs are pro Gardner. I’ve been here the whole time so I’ve been paying attention. That’s a computer and a cell phone. You’ve been doing this since at least November. Think I was born yesterday ?

lmao. and you think gardner's the loser?

>> No.17611031
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17611031

>>17610916
>Jealous internet guy

Perfect. We finally have a name for this pic.

>> No.17611042

>>17610973
Now you’re just making things up. Sad!

>> No.17611063

Still no IP increase. No one will ever read your books. You can keep this up for another year, it’s just more of your money wasted on ads

>> No.17611075
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17611075

i just wanna say that i'm a bit of a meme on another board, but the amount of time my shit comes up is like once or twice a month. (yes i check the archives)
that's how i know that these guys are 100% shilling their shit, because it happens way to frequently to happen to be random anons. guys like f gardner and the book club guy.

so yeah if you really doubt whether or not these threads are self shilling, they 100% are, trust me. i'm not even saying thats some horrible thing, i mean i would never do it, just saying that its what's happening.

>> No.17611115

>>17611075
A blind man can see it. This is the 100th thread he’s made. I’m sure he’s holding out hope that one day he’ll open the catalog and see a thread about his books made by a real person, but it hasn’t happened yet. I’d feel sorry for him if he wasn’t such a piece of shit

>> No.17611200

>>17611075
Or maybe you’re just a dead meme. Gardnerposting hasn’t been around long.

>> No.17611226

>>17611200
>nearly 6 months
Sorry Gardner. But you're at the end of your rope, and you've overstayed your welcome. You're the only one who posts threads in praise of your books.

>> No.17611250

>>17611226
People have been saying that about his books for months. Or should I say you have?

>> No.17611286

>>17611250
Mods are tired of your shit F. Just because you buy ads doesn't mean you can freely shill your books. I have it on good faith that soon it will be a bannable offense to post about F. Gardner on /lit/...that is unless you stop purchasing ads.

>> No.17611331

>>17611286
>”I have it on good faith.”

Kek. Prove it. Now it’s your turn to prove something.

>> No.17611339

>>17610492
Wtf this sounds fun
/lit/ lied to me?

>> No.17611368

>>17611339
They’re pretty good. I finished Kappa, yesterday. Haven’t read Cherokee or Cradle yet.

>> No.17611419

>>17611368
Interesting. Yet you were somehow able to give a blurb about the two you haven't read in this post >>17610492

>> No.17611434

>>17611419
>/Lit is one person.

That was me, retard. I've read them all.

>> No.17611497

>>17611434
No, lit isn’t one person, but F Gardner’s readership is

>> No.17611610

>>17611434
Interesting how you responded so quickly despite my reply being meant for the other guy...it's almost like...

>> No.17611795

>>17607819

Everyone in the GCU (Gardner Cinematic Universe) is played by people in masks who may or may not be F Gardner. The real action comes in the after shows, like You Called? hosted by Chris Hardwick. There, random celebrities appear and one of them was actually a GCU character. The celebrities wear F Gardner masks and are eliminated one by one until finally the one who actually acted in a GCU film or show pulls off the mask and is revealed. About half the time it is actually F Gardner posing as F Gardner but that’s just part of the fun.

>> No.17612624

4 ounces only. really shitty shoer curtain that loves grey metalliic paper. petered by some commie nnun whose rreally a lesbian trapped inteh beat box of an accordian. playing houdini with the atmosphere. one roll at a time.

welcome to ur doppel.

>> No.17612785
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17612785

like a million sausaes., ralinin` out of ur green belly button towardds ur red eyes. kumbiana fogreys to the heghit of every butler in ireland has a syincopath. welcpme to bLADE rUNNER 204&.

just make it to a university and back. thats lovely bike., Et al 2003

>> No.17612870

Is this the new Behead All Satans?

>> No.17612896

>>17612870
It’s gotten way more out of hand than that.

>> No.17613190

These threads really bring out the autism. Just make fun of the covers, don't read the books, and move on.

>> No.17613198

>>17613190
Cringe.

>> No.17613220

>>17613198
Are you Gardner, or the retard trying to figure out which posters are Gardner? Just so I can prepare my epic retort

>> No.17613246

>>17613220
Yes I am Gardner. Was there any doubt? Surely you must've felt the aurora of my writing brilliance glimmering out of your screen as you typed.

>> No.17613302

>>17613246
Ok, ahem:

ur gay

>> No.17613366

I think Gardner is a pretty cool guy. Eh shill's on /lit/ and doesnt afraid of anything

>> No.17613421

>>17607819
Nicholas Cage as Joe would unironically be kino

>> No.17613438

>>17613421
Based

>> No.17613463

>>17610492
>This book is too fucking confusing to explain.
I'm only halfway done but my summary would be:
Alcoholic father's son mysteriously dies by being eaten by a crocodile, he slowly descends into madness as crocodile apparitions manifest themselves on Halloween one year later.

I'm at the part where he and his son are inside the giant pulpy crocodile's ribcage and talking to demons in limbo or some shit. I've been tipsy when reading most of it and I think that actually boosts the experience.