/lit/ humor - cringe edition

[Anonymous No.17524210]

let's have a humor thread. i posted this in yesterday's thread too but it had already hit bump limit. it was very painful so i want others to read about it. rate my experience

>be me
>be german
>want to read stirner
>decide to order the ego and its own online through a local bookstore
>go to pick it up
>store is only open for picking up orders because of corona
>wearing mask
>the day i ordered it i came up with what i thought was a sick piece of small talk
>decide to use it on the person processing my order, no matter who it's gonna be
>rehearsing the bit in my head
>hoping for a cute girl
>go up to the register and it's a middle aged woman
>tell her i ordered a book
>she says "name?"
>i thought she asked for the author's name and say "Max Stirner"
>she's typing it in and says no one by that name ordered anything
>i explain and give her my name
>already cringing
>she gets the book
>as she hands it to me i prepare for my badass small talk bit
>start by saying "you know-" right as she gives me the total
>off we go again
>mumbling under my mask "you know if I adhered to the philosophy that this book is talking about i would steal this book hehe"
>"I'm sorry come again?"
>keep mumbling "well this book talks about egoism... it's about you know, being your own creative nothing"
>she doesn't seem to understand
>"it's not that important"
>asks me to pay again
>struggle to get the money out of my wallet with the book in my hand
>leave
>as i exit i shake my head and realize i did not act like an egoist

[Anonymous No.17524233]

>>17524210
I sympathize with that middle-aged woman, poor thing is not paid enough for this.

[Anonymous No.17524292]

I once went to a date with a girl, she was a med student if I remember correctly. Somehow we started talking about marriage and I've stated that I think it's an effective but unnatural artificial mechanism of society, like the idealization of romantic love.

>Anon, are you some kind of philosopher?
>I-I kinda am (I thought she knew since I had published a book recently that would fit the category)
>Her enthusiasm immediately turns into visible disgust
>She pulls out her phone and makes some excuse she has to leave in twenty or so minutes

[Anonymous No.17524323]

>>17524210
I’m worried about his mom. Are they struggling financially or is she feeling unattractive and seeking validation ?

[Anonymous No.17524338]

>>17524210
Why do fans of Stirner always shit themselves irl? Will this start happening to me if I read the ego and its own?

[Anonymous No.17524354]

>>17524210
>is a larping cringy faggot who only uses the philosophy to seem edgy without ever fully espousing it
You acted just like a sternerite egoist always does

[Anonymous No.17524357]

>>17524323
Plot twist: His mom has been dead for years, loneliness has made him hallucinate her and develop another personality that copies the mother from his memory, and the one with OnlyFans account is anon himself in drag.

[Anonymous No.17524362]

>>17524323

he says they're well off. i imagine she sees all of the sluts that currently have an onlyfans and wants to 'liberate' herself. i wonder how hot she is. if i had a mom that was hot enough to even have the confidence to make an onlyfans, i'd have shameful jerk sessions to mommy everyday

[Anonymous No.17524371]

>>17524323
>Are they struggling financially or is she feeling unattractive and seeking validation ?
Probably the latter. Really technology is a great negative in this case, gone are the days when to become validated she’d go to bars and pick up boys her sons age.

[Anonymous No.17524377]

>>17524233

i just wanted to seem interesting ;_;

[Anonymous No.17524386]

Reading just the first few responses my advise to you guys is that philosophy is a rare trait and very very very few modern people understand it or care at all. Just don’t use any of the language or even come close to talking about it in daily life because you will alienate yourself.

At best it is useful for inspiring confidence in you but otherwise it’s a personal endeavor. Your best best for making friends and getting women will be /fit/ and listening to their shit and maybe advising them (which actually just means comforting them) from a position of confidence.

Literally nobody in today’s society gives a Fuck about philosophy and they will dislike you for studying it.

[Anonymous No.17524390]

>>17524338

>Will this start happening to me if I read the ego and its own?

i hadn't read it when this happened so i don't know

[Anonymous No.17524431]

>>17524210
>rehearsing dialogue
I didn't need to read any further to know how cringe it was gonna get.

[Anonymous No.17524433]

>>17524377
at least you tried, props to you

[Anonymous No.17524722]

>>17524292
You dodged a bullet bro. She sounds like an idiot.

[Anonymous No.17524820]

>>17524292
kek
Good on her.

[Anonymous No.17524828]

>>17524722

this. it's cringe on her part, not his.

[Anonymous No.17525072]

Not sure if it counts, but it make me laugh. W*men get filtered by basic logic.

[Anonymous No.17525151]

>>17525072
>apparently all humanities are devoid of critical thinking
Yes.

[Anonymous No.17525358]

Why do newfags always try to make 2 humor threads in a row? It won't work. Wait a few weeks then come back and post all the exact same images that were in yesterday's thread. This is how /lit/ humor threads work

[Anonymous No.17526010]

>>17524362
>if i had a mom that was hot enough to even have the confidence to make an onlyfans, i'd have shameful jerk sessions to mommy everyday
and I thought I had issues

[Anonymous No.17526019]

[Anonymous No.17526298]

>>17524210
Acting like an egoist doesn't mean lmao just steal everything.
You paid presumably because you wanted to pay. As long as you paid because you personally wanted to pay regardless of social convention or other spooks you're fine. The real issue is wanting to be an egoist, or seeing egoism as just a bunch of rules to live by.

[Anonymous No.17526311]

>>17524292
Med students are really annoying. A buddy and I went to a party with mostly med students and good god they were all insufferable. We had the last laugh though as we brought some insane weed that knocked half of them out.

[Anonymous No.17526341]

I have a follow up to asking out the qt bookstore clerk a while back if any of you remember that

>go back into store
>coupon getting low on money, enough for 2 more books maybe
>see qt, start normal chit chat
>decide to ask about her favorite book
>generic fantasy YA answer
>can't remember author
>decide asking about her least favorite book will be more interesting
>The Things They Carried
>i respond that i read part of it and thought it was pretty good
>"yeah, but are you Vietnamese?"
>fuck, got me there
>decide to tell the truth
>"my friend attempted suicide. I wrote an essay for her on that book while she walked around her apartment and cleaned up her blood."
>goes silent
>walk to lower section of bookstore
>come back later with Fitzgerald and Charles Wright
>qt clerk is nowhere to be seen, replaced with nice older lady who actually discusses the books I buy

Well, if I didn't spoil it before, I certainly did then.

[Anonymous No.17526405]

>>17524210
reminiscent

[Anonymous No.17526418]

[Anonymous No.17526476]

>>17526341
Did you ask the older lady out on a date? She sounds like good company.

[Anonymous No.17526487]

>>17526476
She always says, "oh, thats a good one. You'll like that one."

[Anonymous No.17526536]

>>17524357
>and the one with OnlyFans account is anon himself in drag.

[Anonymous No.17526582]

>>17526341
Uuuuh what...

[Anonymous No.17526585]

>>17526582
It was a strange experience

[Anonymous No.17526596]

>be me
>banned from local bookstore for three months for putting bibles in the fiction section
>my brain is larger than average so I can not be sated by the mindless frivolities of television and internet memes
>I hunger and thirst for knowledge
>think of creative solution
>WWEDD? (What Would Edmond Dantes Do)
>assemble disguise
>heavy wool coat, brimmed, tattered hat, fake Twain-esque moustache, walk with a cane
>enter store
>store manager who banned me is working that day, observing the store from his meditative perch behind the counter
>go to philosophy section
>select Lawrence Krauss’s ‘Universe from Nothing’, Dawkins’s ‘The Selfish Gene’, and Hitch’s ‘The Portable Atheist’
>discreetly move one of the Bibles to the fiction section…my calling card
>approach counter slowly with a limp. Young woman is cashier. Manager eyes me curiously.
>“Hello young lady. Might you ring these up for me?”
>“Certainly, sir.”
>“Interesting selection, sir.” The manager speaks softly from his perch, his arms crossed, eyeing me suspiciously.
>“Indeed. I like to expand my horizons with other ideas.”
>“Noble.” The manager says, tilting his head slightly.
>I pay and take my books.
>As I reach the exit, I turn to the cashier and the manager.
>I remove my hat and moustache and let my coat fall to the floor
>“It was I all along. God is dead. And now I must bid you adieu!”
>I pull on the door handle but you have to push for it to open
>manager almost catches me
>As I flee I hear the cashier say ‘He cute’

[Anonymous No.17526605]

>>17526596
>discreetly move one of the Bibles to the fiction section…my calling card
Kekd

[Anonymous No.17526621]

Pic related is a pretty sad story

[Anonymous No.17526705]

>>17524292
The only right answer is “I want a big family.” Female med students are only surpassed by female RNs in gold digging intentions, so you may have dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous No.17526778]

>>17526341
>>17526476
Genuinely, the best conversations I've had about literature, philosophy, film with women have always been with women over 40. I would have seriously considered asking some of them on dates if I hadn't noticed a wedding band.
I honestly haven't met a young woman in her 20s that wasn't a superficial virtue signalling shit-lib. There always comes a point in any conversation about books where they out themselves as a YA reader who occasionally reads "the classics" for cultural capital. If they have anything to say about books beyond how it made them feel, it's always about how the work doesn't conform to their standards of social justice and moral purity.

[Anonymous No.17526790]

>>17526778
>if I hadn't noticed a wedding band.
the wedding band increasing your chances of slepeing with them by 5, you fucking idiot. fucking kek it is the single ones who wouldnt dare to do such a deviant thing as fuck a man near half their age

[Anonymous No.17526795]

>>17526311
>Med students are really annoying.
Almost anyone who studies STEM these days is. Their arrogance is only outpaced by their ignorance.

[Anonymous No.17526866]

>>17526790
>you fucking idiot
Honestly, you're probably right. I had a pretty flirty work relationship with a cute ~45 year-old lady I worked with about a year ago. She would come ask me for help with trivial things a lot. On the other hand, I really don't respect cheating, so I wouldn't want to do that.

[Anonymous No.17526885]

>>17526866
>I really don't respect cheating, so I wouldn't want to do that.
that jsut makes it better. anon, why you are legit making All the wrong choices!

[Anonymous No.17526985]

>>17524210
>be me
>just be myself (i.e. mega autistic)
>read up on books before buying them to ensure maximum enjoyment and value for money
>bookstores have small shitty sections for english books so it's feasible to remember a significant part of the books they have
>go to the store and browse a bit
>finally select confederacy of dunces
>clerk decides to small talk
>ohfuck.aiff
>"this is a great book, it's one of my personal favorites"
>unsure how to tell him that I am buying the book because I already know all about it and not just because the cover or blurb on the back has piqued my interest, and that accordingly he could skip right to a discussion of the book and why he likes it, if he wants to, although I don't personally care why he likes the book but do appreciate that this seems like an opportunity he might rarely get because of the way most people buy books, and which is probably all the more interesting to him because he launches into a discussion of the background for the book without being prompted, although I also realize the dilemma in that while what he's currently doing is, counterintuitively to him, pointless in that I already know about the book, it is also very difficult to talk about his experience of the book, both because it is not something bookstore clerks and customers usually discuss and because, obviously, I have not read the book and cannot relate to his experience in that sense
>the timelines sync back up
>"... in fact the guy who wrote it actually killed himself --"
>"I know, that is why I'm buying it"
at least the book was good

[Anonymous No.17527031]

[Anonymous No.17527328]

>>17524386
>you will alienate yourself.
That's the point. Filtering brainlets.

[Anonymous No.17527363]

>>17524386
>you will alienate yourself
i assure you, never could such a thing happen to one such as i.

[Anonymous No.17527383]

>>17524386
I am the desired for my unbeknownst philosophical prudence

[Anonymous No.17527462]

>>17526778
>who occasionally reads "the classics" for cultural capital.
But anon... this is all we're doing on this board. Thats the whole point of it all. Oh boy...

[Anonymous No.17527556]

So true unfortunately .....

[Anonymous No.17527999]

>>17527462
Speak for yourself. I'm reading them so I can flex on normies.

[Anonymous No.17528012]

Women don't do philosophy. it's a man's game.