feels thread

[Anonymous No.17092441]

>what book are you reading
>how are you holding up

>snow country and spillover
>it's a week or so that often when I lay in my bed at night I just think: one day we will all be dead. Everything will go off like turning off your PC. I'm a spiritualism type of guy and I am Christian but sometimes my rational side hit me pretty hard. Also today I jerked off after 3 weeks and NNN and I feel pretty bad.
I hope you guys are doing great and I wish you all merry Christmas.

[Anonymous No.17092466]

>>17092441
God didn't give you nut for it to ferment in your balls broseph.

[Anonymous No.17093337]

>Brothers Karamazov
>well enough all things considered
>lockdown has inspired me to be more openly rebellious because there are very few second chances

[Anonymous No.17093527]

i've been trying to masturbate for the past two hours. i spent an hour or so at it earlier too. ever since i started taking anti-depressants this is a normal thing, i can't come, sometimes i can't stay hard but i persist in jerking.

another side effect is insane sweating. so i'm here jerking this wet noodle for two to three hours a day sweating so profusely that if i lie on my side my top most ear will fill with sweat and deafen me.

i'm about 40% through jakob von gunten, which is hilarious and interesting and i loved it immediately. i must read more walser. i am also 50% through wolf solent by john cowper powys but i have taken a break from that. this weekend i think i read 6 or so novellas, some fantastic, others not so. jeff vandermeer was an excellent weird horror author i read, i did not expect his writing to be so beautiful either, i expected mainstream genre shit.

[Anonymous No.17093534]

>>17092441
>the catcher in the rye
>well

>>17092466
BASED

[Anonymous No.17093562]

>>17093527
i also bought a cast iron casserole dish today but found it does not fit in my toaster oven. i have a very old regular oven that does not work. if i was not medicated i think i would be incredibly annoyed and feel very tragic about my circumstances because i can't even make a fucking casserole. i also have a rat in the kitchen that is haunting my dreams and waking hours, and the leaky pipe in the wash room has collapsed the floor (where a small family of mushrooms grows also) so the washer tilts into it (this is how the rat got in, i messily tried to close it with expanding foam but i heard the rat a few days later regardless).

after jakob von gunten i might read more jeff vandermeer, maybe annihilation, which was a so-so movie but perhaps a very good novel.

[Anonymous No.17093580]

>Beyond the Steppe Frontier by Sören Urbansky
>Constantly failing to fix my internet addiction. Dunno what to do for the next semester, and it looks we won't even be able to celebrate christmas with half of the family in quarantine. Could always be worse though.

[Anonymous No.17093610]

>>17092441
>The Story of Philosophy by Durant, still not decided which fiction book I should read next, read all of Michael Kohlhaas on Monday. I'm thinking I'll go for either Titus Groan or The Good Soldier Svejk tho.
>I'm doing alright, went to the gym for the last time for the year, got my last day at work tomorrow then I'm back on the unemployment brigade, hopefully it won't take me another 8 fuckin months to get a job this time round.

[Anonymous No.17093648]

Reading King Lear. A bit bummed I have such a hard time even understanding what the fuck is going on in Shakespeare's plays, I've read several before and it's not getting noticeably easier. With a lot of rereading and the help of No Fear Shakespeare and watching it performed on Youtube it's starting to fall into place though and I'm enjoying it a lot.
I'm making lusserbullar tomorrow, life is good.

[Frater Asemlen !XS8vrClKs2 No.17093669]

>Paracelsus by browning
>pretty good, the pattern of going to manhattan, middle-manning jewelry for jewelers and sellers is rough on my feet and tiring and doesn’t allow me as much time to read as I’d like but I only do it when I’ve an abundance of free time from the shop and no cars for sale, so in general it’s fun. I just dislike all of the social interactions and haggling and pretending to be funny but it’s so fun to look at the gold and jewels and to pass around peoples money. But It leaves me not even having the energy to watch tv, though at least 4chan can pull me in. Excited for Christmas, hope my kids like the presents I got them and hope my father likes the watch and ring I bought for him, hope ma likes the earrings, hope that test my cousin is going for turns out to be nothing.

In general I’m pretty good, everyone is mostly healthy and happy, just tired, I don’t really care about corona since I’m an introvert

[Anonymous No.17093715]

>>17093648
Are you reading the plays out loud? Try it, if you really put effort into your tone and emotion it will pay off big time.

[Anonymous No.17093757]

>>17093715
I've tried but I end up focusing more on the rhythm of it than the meaning. Reading along while someone else is reading or performing it works well though.

[Anonymous No.17093780]

>>17093562
Damn bitch you live like this

[Anonymous No.17093792]

>>17092441
>>how are you holding up
I was supposed to graduate this semester. After the switch to online learning one of my teachers pretty much stopped teaching class and answering emails. The final comes along which is worth 50% of our grade and everyone bombs it. Many questions were worded oddly and some directly went against what we learned in the lab. Turns out he actually was answering some, but not all, of the students who had been emailing him over the remote learning, giving them tips for the final.
I convinced about a dozen students to send emails out to the dean, provost, and the head of the department. We all want a retake or a curve or something. So far the head seems to be covering for the teacher, the provost seems concerned as fuck because of all the people I got emailing her, and the dean just doesn’t give I shit. I feel like we have a chance because this teacher is notoriously shit, but nevertheless I’m petrified and don’t know what else I can do. I can’t spend another semester at this place. Any anons have experience with bad teachers?

[Anonymous No.17093832]

I'm always torn between wanting to read deeper into a current topic and trying out a different topic entirely. Some day I just want to burn through one of the books I have that I plan to read in one go, to devour it and understand it and reread it due to all the things I've missed. Might try this with Spinoza, I dunno

[Anonymous No.17093882]

>>17093780
rats, slugs, moths, pill bugs, spiders, death's heads beetles, bedbugs and an assortment of other unidentified insects share this hell with me. here the outside is in. (the death's head beetles escaped identification for years. at times i thought perhaps it was madness, at others perhaps the electricals had gotten wet, or a faulty mechanical hard drive, or at other times i imagined it was the tiny insects that run all over my electricals causing things to short out. it turns out all the wood in here must be infected with death's head beetles which attract mates by banding their heads against the wood causing a horrible tapping noise) i sleep in a small room of black mold. anything left on the floor is consumed by it within a few days, so naturally i haven't bought new clothes in years, though i own a fine pair of boots and shoes that i keep safe and high and vacuum sealed that i never have occasion to wear.

the other day i read this world is full of monsters by jeff vandermeer. i liked it very much, beautifully written. the main character in it gets an idea in his head, a story, which is actually an alien, and then a tree sprouts from his skull and compels him to walk to the forest and fall to the floor where he takes root for several days until he is released and a doppelganger of plantmatter rises with him. i liked this as i feel like this, as though this shit hole of a room i have spent 10 years in growing old with the mushrooms and the rats and the slugs and the spiders is eating me alive until i am nothing but them, all mold inside, mold and bugs.

[Anonymous No.17093927]

>>17092441
Still stuck with Blindness; you've probably started to recognize me by now.

Not doing to good. I had everything under control. I was doing well in school, I was getting at least a daily hour of reading every day, I was finally getting through my backlog of anime, and I had begun to write my novel.
Then I got hit by a series of anxiety episodes culminating in a persistent form of what's most likely undiagnosed OCD which has kept me from partaking in my hobbies and made my work much more difficult. It feels as though every time I start doing well my brain attempts to sabotage me, and it usually accomplishes it. Exams are going to be hard, and I don't know if there will be an end to this, or if it's just permanent. I'm very tired.

[Anonymous No.17093948]

>>17093792
My thesis got rejected before the summer semester and I got into a verbal altercation with my thesis supervisor; I failed an important exam I needed to complete my degree, but simultaneously managed to get into the Master's program.
I found out I was balding the day after and had a mental breakdown that lasted the whole summer. I was still not able to hand in the thesis and I doubt I'll finish the degree, despite the thesis and the state exams being the only thing left to do.

I haven't left my bed in six months.

[Anonymous No.17093971]

>>17093948
I wish I could help you in any way. You don't deserve to suffer like you have.

[Anonymous No.17093974]

>>17093927
i read blindness about ten years ago. i remember enjoying it a lot. the lack of punctuation was new to me then and very interesting. i remember the book have a lot of squalid awful shit in it, and i really liked it.

[Anonymous No.17093984]

>>17093974
Yeah, me too. It's caused me anxiety like few other books, which I appreciate. I even considered dropping it because of how bad I was feeling, but I decided to stick to it.

[Anonymous No.17093985]

>>17093948
What was your thesis about?

[Anonymous No.17093988]

>>17093882
>10 years
What the fucking hell man. Move out, you can't be that hard up for cash. Jesus.

[Anonymous No.17094005]

>>17093948
i went through a roughly similar period at university myself, mainly to do with drugs and some mental stuff, class anxiety maybe, dumb shit. then my mother died and i dropped out of university. it was all downhill from there and i really fucked my life up. i hope you find a way to finish your degree and find all the support you need to make things happen.

[Anonymous No.17094017]

>>17094005
Did things ever get better for you?

[Anonymous No.17094023]

>>17093948
what degree?

[Anonymous No.17094045]

>>17094017
not really. after i dropped out there was a vacuum of about 6 years or so where i was just...gone. i barely live now, but at least i have a manual labour job where i work with people whose company i enjoy. in that sense things have improved, but i know i've wasted my life and i still have all sorts of issues, mentally, i suppose.

[Anonymous No.17094130]

>>17094045
I'm very sorry to hear that, anon. At least you have managed to put some order in your life, and I believe that you should not take that as a small feat. It is a great feat. It's good that you get to do a job with people that you like. From what I hear, you must be in your early 30s or late 20s. If that's the case, I wouldn't say you've wasted your life; there will still be plenty of chances for you to get back to whatever track you intended to join, or even new ones. Mental issues are a real obstacle, but I hope you manage to get over them, whether alone or with someone else's help.
I wish I could do more, but a single 4chan post isn't going to make much of a difference. It just frustrates me, you know. Not to make this about me, sorry. It's just that I can easily see myself in your place. Anyway, I wish you the best.

[Anonymous No.17094138]

>>17092441
>what book are you reading
Unironically, Lolita but only because i've been going through all the books on my roommates bookshelf. I'm going to try and read crime and punishment or finish anna karenina next.
>how are you holding up
On paper I'm doing well. I'm still employed, I chat with friends and family from time to time even if I can't see them and i've been eating healthy and getting a full night's sleep. However the past few days I've been unable to work because a coworker tested positive for the virus and I had to get tested but it's been more than 4 days and I still haven't heard back, I don't feel sick but i'm getting paranoid and i'm bored to death quarantining in my apartment

[Anonymous No.17094143]

>>17094138
Why did you spoiler that? There's no shame in reading Lolita. This is a literature board, for Christ sake.

[Anonymous No.17094146]

>>17094143
I feel like it's become a bit of a meme to say you're reading it or it's your favourite book

[Anonymous No.17094172]

>>17094146
Might be, but that's still no reason to hide it. I don't want to bear on you like an obnoxious prick, but we shouldn't feel embarrassed by what we're reading because of how other people will react. Specially here.

[Anonymous No.17094218]

>>17094130
>It's just that I can easily see myself in your place.

yes, it seems very easy to get lost. i appreciate your heartfelt reply.

[Anonymous No.17094251]

>>17093971
>>17093985
>>17094005
>>17094023
aw, thanks guys. didn't expect that level of support from you. i don't deserve that.
the thesis dealt with ideology and architecture in the context of the pre-ww1 Los-von-Rom movement, which was essentially a nationalist-religious movement that intended to draw away Catholic Germans to Protestantism or Old Catholicism.
my supervisor didn't answer my emails and rejected the thesis only after I went in personally to talk to him, after which he told me to scrap the social part and focus exclusively on the formalist aspects of the architecture, the architectural analysis, etc.

my major is art history, and given that it's that, I don't feel like it's worth it to study further; even if I finished everything, i'd still need a master's at least to get a job in monument protection.
that would put me right now in the middle of my studies, despite me having prolonged my 3-year degree by three semesters already (the art history department at my uni is infamous for informally being 4 years on a bach degree).

that and I basically lost all interest in the field further. which sucks, because I had already worked out a diploma thesis on Cyclical trends in art history since Vasari and completed the entrance exam to the master's.

i regret having dabbled in liberal arts at all and not gone for law instead like my father wanted. worst thing of all is I have enough credits to easily skip the first year of the master's study; I had enough credits in the first year to skip straight to the third one.

I'm a vegetarian for ten years now, i exercised rigorously during university, found a gf, friends to whom I send gifts by mail even now, and it still came tumbling down. i drink rarely, don't smoke, don't do drugs (except rigorously fapping). i realize I'm not good enough at my field to have a PhD., but I never thought it would be that bad of a choice for me.

[Anonymous No.17094266]

>>17093948
Sorry :(
Best of luck. Pls get up, I will pray

[Anonymous No.17094269]

>>17094218
Whatever small comfort I could be, as insignificant as it was, I'm happy it reached you.

[Anonymous No.17094280]

>>17094172
You're right. Have you read it? I just started the second part and it's not what I expected. Humbert is definitely not a sympathetic character and the story is not crude, it's even bit funny in a dry, ironic way. I can see why people say it's well written

[Anonymous No.17094300]

>>17094280
I have. It was a fantastic read. I felt the thrill of the chase of the first part, and at times I was both horrified of what was happening but I also wanted to see it through. Very contradictory feelings there, which I assume was the intention. The second part dragged, as it was supposed to. I did also really enjoy it, just in a different way. The ending hit me harder than I thought. It's a surprisingly humane moment for Humbert, and even though I am terrible at identifying callbacks, I managed to identify a very significant one; I recommend that you go back to the very first page after you're finished for an extra punch in the gut, in case you don't catch it yourself.

[Anonymous No.17094312]

>>17094300
Thank you for the tip, I will definitely remember that

[Anonymous No.17094337]

>>17094312
Don't do it now, I warn you; that will ruin the surprise. Wait until the end.

[Anonymous No.17094357]

>>17094312
>>17094337
Also, I should have said the "Foreword" instead of the first page.

[Anonymous No.17094370]

>>17094251
I hope you feel better anon. How many credits do you have? Maybe start fresh, I think you only need 88 to transfer to something like the state police or something. I hope it works out for you, and I for one think your thesis sounds interesting. I don’t see why he would ask you to take that part out

[Anonymous No.17094387]

>>17092441
Birth of tragedy

A mixture of comfy and depressed. Really never felt like this before. Maybe because it's cloudy outside

[Anonymous No.17094476]

>>17094337
I will
>>17094357
noted