/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.17083915]

I've lost all hope.

I don't mean that my life is the worst thing ever. On paper it's pretty decent. I make a good living and have time and money to pursue my interests. But I have few friends, and the friends I have provide entertainment but not connection. I've been talking to my oneitis of 4 years the past couple months and she made clear 1. she likes me way more than I thought she did, but 2. every time we are together she is just completely miserable and after 3 attempts, she doesn't think that will change. I'm 28 and good enough looking to date 7s and 8s in their 30s but not in their 20s, and I want a partner not much older than me. I have an intense desire for human connection but whenever I actually try to develop something like that with someone, it doesn't bring any of the feelings I hoped it would. This applies to both friends and relationships.

I always felt a bit like this and it was sad, but I had hope. This past year or so, though, I've lost all hope for a better life. I can't even relate to the characters in stories anymore. I've stopped consuming all "story-centric" media, eg most movies, tv, vidya, and a good chunk of books, too. The only thing I can tolerate is writing that involves primarily a solitary character with no meaningful connections (eg notes from underground), or writing that dispassionately ignores the feelings of the characters and is more about the situation (eg the trial), and even then only if the concept itself is interesting, I have no interest in the story. I'm sad to say that after years of loving the lord of the rings, I don't care at all about frodo or sam, or aragorn or saving the world from darkness. It just doesn't make me feel anything at all.

How can I fix this? Is there a novel that can break me out of this rut? Convince me that life isn't over? Give me a reason to live?
pic unrelated, did nothing for me

[Anonymous No.17083929]

>>17083915
>it’s this thread again
I’m not reading that blog post faggot

[Anonymous No.17083943]

>>17083915
>it doesn't bring any of the feelings I hoped it would
What feelings are you hoping for?

[Anonymous No.17084011]

>Frankl TLDR:

Live for others, like family.
Live for memories.
Live for work or art.
The last freedom is to choose how you react to your oppressors (which is bullshit).

Any of that spark some thoughts, Sadposter?

Do you want to damn your crotchfruit to a life of suffering and sadness? No? that leaves work or art. Your memories don't sound too precious.
Once you go over thirty (as a man) the dating game falls off a cliff. Are you willing to date single mothers? If you have wads of money its less of an issue.

Women's fertility around 23 and by the time they are 30, 90% of their eggs are gone. They also produce more retard babies.

[Anonymous No.17084083]

>>17083915
I had a oneitis that i chatted with for 5 years (different cities) then i moved to her city, went out with her, but got rejected. I continued contact for some time, but one day i just said fuck it and ghosted her. Now I'm in a happy relationship and I still think about her almost every day, but I'm still glad I made that decision.
Dunno why i wrote this. Maybe it will help you, maybe not.

[Anonymous No.17084089]

>>17084083
What is with you people? How do you get to the point where you're thinking of some chick you probably barely know every day?

[Anonymous No.17084145]

>>17084089
I admit it isn't rational(pretty dumb actually), but i was a virgin then. Now that I've had some success with women I think about them less and less.

[Anonymous No.17084187]

>>17083915
>is attractive
>has friends
>has money
>has time

fuck you, you have everything you need and more. how about you stop being a little crybaby faggot.

[Anonymous No.17084662]

>>17083915
the whole thing is just to love people as best you can. be willing to make sacrifices for them. if you really want to do it right, then strive toward being willing to make any sacrifice for them.

Find ways to serve other people anon. That's it.

[Anonymous No.17084774]

>>17084662
be a doormat and shill and simp, and then get cucked!

[Anonymous No.17084798]

>>17084774
>shill and simp
?
>and then get cucked
marriage is holy

[Anonymous No.17084853]

>>17083943
some sort of motivation or hope about the future. Something that would make me want to meet people again.
>>17084011
>Live for others
I feel nothing towards my family now, in spite of them being loving and supportive
>Live for memories
of when my life was better? of when my life was the same but there was still hope?
>Live for work or art
I live for work right now, but I recently (past 6 months) had an uncomfortable realization that I already have enough money to sustain my current lifestyle till I die. I don't aspire to anything more in terms of wealth, so I basically stopped trying at work. Every time I start trying again, I have to confront the meaninglessness of the pursuit.
>The last freedom is to choose how you react to your oppressors
No one is oppressing me. My life is fine, even good, on paper. I could sit here and live like this till I die, or I could go outside and live differently. No external force is hurting my life in any measurable way.
>dating single mothers
no, I'm not willing. Luckily, plenty of 30-35 asians near me who look better than 25-30 year old white women. But just the knowledge that I had to settle for a 30+ woman, especially in my 20s, makes me sad.
>>17084083
It actually does. I think I'm going to ghost her. I have suffered 5 years of unrequited love, returned only by feelings of lust and infatuation, along with emotional manipulation. She reaches out every 6 months or so very excitedly, then quickly drops off and stops. I found out in the past month, every time she reaches out, she's hoping I'll be a better person that she could actually be with, but I of course disappoint her somehow every time and she stops. I think it's time for me to leave.
>>17084089
for me, I don't barely know her... we've dated on and off for brief periods, and had regular text exchange otherwise, with both of us mentioning pretty strong feelings of how much we miss the other. I love her, but she only likes me, and that'll never change. But the feelings can manifest closely enough that I can delude myself.
>>17084187
You've demonstrated the point by completely missing it. I used to be just like you. I thought those things would make me happy. When I didn't have those things, I had hope that by acquiring those things, I would be happier. Then I got those things (well, except attractiveness -- that's largely been heading in the opposite direction with the hair loss) and none of those things helped. Now I don't even have anything to fantasize about.
>>17084662
I try to... but there are so few people in my life, and they mostly don't need me. They're all doing fine. No one needs me but my dog, and there's only so much comfort you can get from a dog snuggling you.

It's not just friends that I think I'm missing. I'm missing some sense of community. Some group I feel like I belong to, even if I don't know every individual member. I feel so detached from the world.

[Anonymous No.17084883]

>>17084853
>I try to... but there are so few people in my life
I'm thinking more like this

>43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[a] and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

[Anonymous No.17085013]

>>17084883
but who are my neighbors? I'm so disconnected from everything, the only people I interact with are service workers and random people on the street. I am kind to people I don't know. I've offered significant amounts of money to people I hardly know when they've been in need, and not in a "look at me, I have money" way, it was legitimately very appreciated by recipients. But I find that this is actually just a scapegoat from my problems -- when you help other people, they appreciate you, even if they normally wouldn't like you. Although my explicit intentions are to help people, I can tell that the reward of appreciation feeds into the whole thing, and it makes me realize that nobody will like me for who I am, only for what I can do for them.

[Anonymous No.17085044]

>>17083915
Why are these threads allowed to stay up? You could see me in my practice any day of the week and I could try to help you or post in the write what's on your mind and I would give you some medical advice. Instead you are ruining my anime image forum. Can the jannies do something?

[Anonymous No.17085071]

>>17083915
I often remind myself that we’re all puppets trapped in a decomposing cage of flesh and bone, with a million desires whirling around us at all times like sirens attempting to lure us to our doom. That these desires are nothing but the conjured demons of economics, society, and evolution and while they promise fulfillment they will only use you to their own ends, increasing their strength over you, leaving you a slave and a broken human. The world of phenomena is a test, projected by the noumena, and to conquer it you must conquer yourself.

Although I might try to convince myself that life has some external value, after a night drinking with “friends” or a sexual encounter with woman, it quickly becomes apparent that most friends are not worth having, and that woman’s sexual desires are so perverse and banal that their even having desired you bears the weight of a bad conscience. What man does not disgrace himself by submitting to a woman’s desires? He becomes a fool, a brute, a scoundrel, a cuckhold, all at once— and looses himself in the process. What man benefits from society? He devoured his life’s work to the machinations of warfare and industry, he trampled the earth, he becomes bound up in stories told to gullible children, he is sold slavery and like an idiot wears his chains with pride.

Service originates in the Latin word "Servi”, meaning slave. That’s what society, friends, woman the whole world, asks from you, your slavery. In English, the familiar for of “you”, “thou”, has long since died from the language. For those lonely men in Anglo countries seeking company, this should be (with honest reflection) enough proof that you will never find it. We live in a civilizational world-spirit which lacks even the words to express friendship, closeness.

There are two things in life worth their weight in gold: freedom and silence. How many men exchange these treasures for paper? Or for a soft touch of flesh? Or for some false sense of meaning to disguise their emptiness?

In books, there is the peace of forming a genuine connection with another person. If you cannot read, write. If you cannot write, read. If you are still lonely, hire a whore; it is less demeaning and less expensive than going to clubs. Logos is the breaking free of the soul from the flesh, embrace this and turn your eyes from the treachery of desire.

[Anonymous No.17085077]

>>17085013
the point is to do it for the doing. exclusively for the doing. Jesus says if you do it for the appreciation then surely, you have already been recompensed for your deed. Rather, what you should do, says Jesus, is gather treasure in heaven. Results on earth- they are washed away. Maggots eat at them. They can not last. But treasure in heaven is protected by God himself, and it lasts.

I genuinely believe that metaphysically, the only thing that has we can relate to and that has a real, non-relative existence, is love. and I believe it is the only possible purpose of life. And love is not about a result, it is about an intention, and it can only be lived. I read an interpretation of the Gospel recently by Tolstoi where understands Jesus to say of his own teaching that it is like light. You can't shine a light on it to show what it is, because it is light. It can't be argued for by anything other than that the human heart recognizes what it is when it sees it, and Jesus' life, especially with all the sacrifice and with how he goes through it, is living proof of that reality. Personally I am awed by how he says of the people torturing him "Forgive them, for they know not what they do." The point being, as I understand it anyway, that since they do not live in love, they do not live in light. So they are blind. Who can fault a blind person for being lost? This is the difference, that one reason, one cause, one intention, is not like the other, and that life really is only fuel for living intentions.

[Anonymous No.17085135]

>>17084853
>>17085013
Lower your expectations, bro. Life is not a movie and noone is really happy for a prolonged period of time. We all die alone, even if surrounded by loved ones.
Have you though about that maybe thats the best life can get?
If you want happiness - learn to appreciate more what you already have.
If you want a sense of community or belonging - join a religion(or a cult lol)

[Anonymous No.17085146]

>>17083915
Bro I used to be like you. I thought the world and everyone was against me, I was a lazy neet asshole brat like you are being now. But then I realized I couldn't spend my life like that, so I worked hard, read the Bible and stopped complaining once for all. Now I'm in the Army, I'm a fucking Chad leader, people respect me, I earn good cash with my own sweat, I'm (unlike you) someone in life. So shut the fuck up, stop crying for fucks sake and start doing something with your life

[Anonymous No.17085258]

>>17085044
I could pay you $200/hr for you to tell me some advice I can get for free online? why?

unironically, I have gone to multiple psychologists for significant periods. never really helped with the emptiness. I have a feeling it is not a mental illness but rather a symptom of a meaningless existence.
>>17085071
Is this a quote or did you write it all for me. Thanks anon
>>17085077
>do it for the doing
but how is that any different from just digging holes just to dig holes? Helping other people is only worthwhile because you think others should be helped. For me, the random people I see on the street, the society that I have never felt part of, there is no virtue in helping.
>love is intention, not result
I agree with this. but that doesn't make it any less pointless to love something for no reason -- I have equal reason to love a rock and the guy who happens to be located temporally and specially near me.
>>17085135
I don't want to be happy, I want to be content. Sounds like you've just settled for a worse version of life than most people get.
>>17085146
>I used to be like you
and yet the rest of your post is describing how you're nothing like me. I'm not lazy or a NEET, I work incredibly hard and make >350k. I had already read the Bible by the time I got to high school, and have read most of it again several times since. I eventually gave up my religion because I couldn't believe (and will never believe again), but I bear no ill will towards religion.
>I'm in the Army, I'm a fucking Chad leader, people respect me
No, they don't. They respect your title and your ability to perform within your role. I too have achieved status and respect in my employment. But guess what -- as soon as you leave the army, all that is gone. You're still in, so you don't get it, but you will. Your life will probably end up even more miserable that mine, from what I know of people's success integrating into normal life post-military.
>start doing something with your life
lol. Sure bud, I'll enlist, that'll straighten my life out.

[Anonymous No.17085265]

post physique

[Anonymous No.17085282]

>>17085258
>I have equal reason to love a rock and the guy who happens to be located temporally and specially near me.
Tolstois interpretation rhymes well with the Bhagavad Gita: when you find what is good in you, you realize it exists somewhere in every man
>Helping other people is only worthwhile because you think others should be helped.
this is definitely a fair point. I think the point of this existence is that it creates occasion for love, and that love is really being proven in the crucible that is human life, and that that proof is what makes it real.
>why would God do this?
why not desu. it's a metaphysic based on love. what could be better?

[Anonymous No.17085315]

>>17085071
Based schop poster.
>>17085258
You still don't understand. In settling I have exactly what you are looking for - being content. I do not care about other peoples version of life.