/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.17008278]

Dear Mr. Quixote,

It is a pleasure to contact you today – I understand your time is limited, so let me express my sincere gratitude for a few moments of your attention. I need to add a few more words to this paragraph, there, that should do it.
This is the second paragraph, you will notice it is organic, the enter key was pressed once. Usually, I prefer to hold down SHIFT+ENTER in Word, and manually control paragraph spacing, but in the content of the letter, this is far more appropriate.
You see, more information can be conveyed. It is why I have written to you today.
Conveying important information is of most significance right now, as I have given two opening paragraphs, followed by a bridge/summary, and now, in this paragraph, is where the bulk of the information I want to get across to you is going to go. Right here. I would like to discuss the sandwich or “burger” method – banal bread at the bottom and top, condiments a little bit further in, and of course, the meat, right in the middle. This letter to you has been constructed in the form of a double cheeseburger.
This is the fifth paragraph, the second of two beef patties. This is where I transpose the information provided in the fourth paragraph to a different tone, so that it can be appreciated from another perspective, now adding another dimension to this piece of correspondence. I have decided that for the purpose of this template, and to illustrate one way of having both “patties” being of the same weight, that now is the perfect time to show that this method is a highly effective way of relaying information, and I believe it would suit you to adopt it in further correspondence that you create.
There truly has never been a more exciting time to create interesting correspondence.
I will add a bit of sauce here and point out that now is a good time for further stimuli. Another good point to make. Perhaps now that this correspondence is almost completed, we should arrange a meeting – feel free to call me to discuss on ########## at your earliest convenience.
The bottom bun is here to complete the burger. It is like the top bun, so once again, thank you for your time; if I missed some sesame seeds on the other bun, I will include them here. Your work with Dulcinea is breathtaking, and I could not help but mention it. The first paragraph, however, would have come across as far too sycophantic.

Yours faithfully,
John, who hates every single one of you.

[Anonymous No.17008297]

>>17008278
Hi John,

I hope I do not overly offend you in confessing that I skipped reading everything but the last line of your correspondence.

Best Regards,
Mr. Quixote.

[Anonymous No.17008346]

>>17008278
It started to drag after the double cheeseburger but 10/10 for unique

[Anonymous No.17008471]

>>17008278
DOMINUS QUIXOTUS IOANNI SUO SALUTEM

>muh self-referential postmodernism
This kind of tired gimmick really isn't as clever as you think. I suppose the idea of comparing letter structure to that of a burger is interesting, but honestly, I would have appreciated it in a satirised form of a tractate on classical rhetoric much more, for example.

Vale.

[Anonymous No.17010044]

>>17008278
My master says you are a knave and a thief. Lord have mercy, that's all I can remember.

[Anonymous No.17010076]

I don’t get it

[Anonymous No.17010110]

>>17008278
For me? It's the McChicken

[Anonymous No.17010114]

>>17010110
Three for free?

[Anonymous No.17010196]

>>17008278
But what about the Thousand Island sauce?